Karma and the Body

 Some of Sadhguru's Gems of Wisdom from Chapter 7 of Karma

• If you cultivate the body in a certain way, it will actually be capable of taking on more of a karmic load.  page 131
• ...stress is caused when people try to run their life engine without adequate lubrication...page 134
• The practice of hatha yoga helps to knead the physical body as well as the entire system(including the karmic system) in a way that smooths these frictions out.  page 134
• people's systems grow confused because the information within them says one thing, but their life events say another. page 134
• important to live in gratitude...to practice hatha and kriya yoga...can help us attain [and maintain]  an inner state that is untouched by the outside page 135
• Yoga places greater faith in the physical than it does in the mental page 140
• the aim is not to see something, but to simply see page 140
• When you consciously seek freedom from karma through a spiritual practice, you are essentially on fast forward. page 146
• The whole point of the spiritual process is to take on more of a load than your allotted one in order to finish off as much as possible.  page 146
• Only practice, or sadhana, helps break the cyclical movement of life. page 148

Our freedom exists in what we do physically, just as much as it does with what we do mentally and spiritually. Practice your Hatha, Pranayam, and Kriya as you make it your intention each day to be free of your karmic load as soon as possible..

All is well. 

Sadhguru (2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books. Chapter 7: Karma Yoga and the Physical Body. 

"Neti, Neti" or "Iti"

 

...It is a most difficult thing to give up the clinging to this universe; few ever attain to that. There are two ways to do that...One is called the "Neti. Neti" (not this, not this), the other is called the "Iti"(this)...The former way of obtaining non attachment is by reasoning, and the latter way is through work and experience. The first is the path of Jnana yoga, and is characterized by the refusal to do any work; the second is that of Karma-Yoga, in which there is no cessation from work. 

Vivekananda, Complete Works, Kindle Edition,  Location 3441-3447

All is well!

Neti! Neti! And the Four Possible Meanings For Life

One of the great cosmic laws, I think, is that whatever we hold in our thought will come true in our experience. When we hold something, anything, in our thought then somehow coincidence leads us in that direction that we have been wishing to lead ourselves.

Richard Bach

Neti! Neti!

Sixty years on the planet, 25 years studying yoga, and for some reason,  I have never heard the term Neti! Neti!  until the day before yesterday.(Or at least, I was not consciously aware of it.)  Ever since I came across the explanation of it by  Swami Vivekananda, I was tripping over it in my mind.  I even wrote about it yesterday and mentioned it in a video I  felt compelled to do. (I spelled it wrong in the video lol) . Anyway, it was so in my mind.  I was literally going around the house mentally repeating, "Neti! Neti-Not this! Not this! Then, today I am listening to Michael Singer's podcast and there it is.  

Of course, rational mind looks at this and says it is merely a coincidence but something else tells me there is some cosmic law at work, some kind of unseen connection there between what I write or speak about, and then what he shares. This happens so many times! I can not get over how everything lines up in my learning with him as a teacher. It is a little "woo-woo".

I don't, as I mention, follow anyone.  I make it a point to be  a willing student to any message or teaching that Life provides both in Jnana and in Karma ,if it resonates with the wise self within, and not to get lost as a follower or worshiper of  the messenger or the teacher. Singer's teachings came into my life in a very serendipitous way and they have resonated with me at the deepest level from the beginning. They are so in sync with where I am at in my learning day by day. I have no idea what this means ...but there seems to be some uncanny wavelength connection, if that makes any sense ...I think, write, share things before I hear him saying the same thing (rational mind is looking at this statement as if it and the writer of it are crazier than a bag of hammers lol). I can't explain it.  

Anyway, it is all good. 

The Four Meanings For Life 

Meaning One: Life is here to meet my desires and subdue my fears

The below podcast is speaking to the three meanings we can give to Life (but somehow I came up with four).  We can, as most of us do, make Life all about serving the ego, the psyche, the self concept,  or "little me"  by doing our best to ensure that it gets what it needs to feel comfortable inside and that it avoids what makes it uncomfortable.  The level of comfort and discomfort it experiences is based on what "out there" has the potential to disturb or stimulate  our stored stuff or our impressions from the past,  which are our samskaras. Getting what is desired, and avoiding what is feared, is the major Life objective. What we are doing in this  Life purpose, then,  is taking our amazing light of consciousness, who we  actually are, and shining it obsessively and narrowly on this "little me" with all its dramas.  We identify with what we are shining on and "forget" that we are "Not this! Not this!" ( Neti! Neti!)

Meaning Two: Letting go of the part of self that fears and desires

The second meaning we can give to Life, then, is one of letting go. We realize how conditional and unproductive our goals are in the first meaning.  We start to see how this "little me" we are focusing so narrowly on and identifying with is again "Neti! Neti!" It is not who we are and the things we are putting all our energy towards attracting or averting are so unimportant. We see how Life is not here to serve this me; who we really are is here to experience Life. We start using whatever Life gives us to help us  let go of the part of us that fears and desires, clings and pushes away, so we can do just that....Experience Life fully as the Experiencer and not the ego. 

Meaning Three : Opening up to Shakti

The more we let go of our resistance to Life as it is and our conditional expectations, the more we let go of our false self, and the more we let go of this self concept...the more  we let go of our desires and our fears. The  more we let go of those, the more samskaras will be released. With the natural release of samskaras the more open we will be to the natural flow of Shakti. This is the third meaning of Life: to Free the Shakti.

Meaning Four: Following the Shakti back to the source

The more freely the Shakti flows the more happy, peaceful, blissful and loving we will be.  This is where the fourth meaning for Life comes in.  We will feel so good, we will want to find out where this amazing feeling is coming from.  We will trace the Shakti back to its Source.  We will from there realize we are a part of that Source, Singer tells us, and merge back into it, into Oneness, into Yoga. 

How cool is that?

All is well! 

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 20, 2023) Reaching for Life's Highest Meaning. https://tou.org/talks/

Karma Yoga and Dharma (Right Action)

This body and this mind which we see are only one part of the whole, only one spot of the infinite being.This whole universe is only one speck of the infinite being; and all our joys and our sorrows, our happiness's and our expectations, are only within this small universe; all our progressions and digression are within its small compass...You see at once that it is an impossible and childish desire to make the whole of infinite existence conform to the limited and conditioned existence which we know. Vivekananda 3418-3421

Why can't it be the way you want? It isn't supposed to be.  Life is supposed to be the way it is and the world is our perfect teacher . Michael Singer

I love it when pieces of my learning serendipitously come together to reinforce what I am rationalizing in my mind as a somewhat Jhana yogi.  Was reading Vivekananda last night and was getting blown away by the teachings and then I open up Michael Singer today to listen to Thursday's podcast that  echoes what I just learned from the book and I cannot help but think...wow! This learning is meant to be.  I and the world was really meant to hear this.  So cool! 

Both were speaking to the idea of what Karma yoga is, though Singer was focusing on the word dharma. Dharma in hinduism is considered to be the cosmic law governing right action and social order.  In Buddhism it is simply, "the  truth".  I see, though, how dharma and karma are intertwined...our intention for Life is intertwined with the actions we take and the effects of those actions. Vivekananda tells us that karma yoga is the knowledge of the secret of work.  the secret of "why we do what we do".  

Why do we do what we do? Both Vivekananda and Singer say in very clear ways that we do what we do to get free.  

Now, technically according to Yogic teachings there are two ways to get free.  There is Neti, Neti ("not this, not this" ) and Iti ( "this") . Vivekananda explains that Neti is basically Jnana yoga, which is about renouncing what is and using the conceptual  mind to rationalize one's way to freedom,   Iti, on the other hand, is Karma yoga, which  is all about accepting what is and using the world and everything it gives us as a way to free ourselves from these  chains that keep us stuck in bondage. Both agree that Karma Yoga is the way to go, over Jnana Yoga.  I might not give up my Jhana entirely...I am still using my intellectual mind to learn...but I definitely embrace the Karma yoga aspect more. I am, instead of comepnsating for my blockages and bondages, attempting to free myself of them through the process of purification.  We can use our karma to purify, by choosing actions that are not based on desire and fear. 

use of all the bondages themselves to break those very bondages. Vivekananda, Loc 3444

the great spiritual paths are not teaching renunciation, they are teaching purification. Singer

Both also address the need to give up our selfish perspective or at least be willing to expand beyond it.  Our narrowed perspective of the world, of the universe etc  are mind made and  are keeping us from freedom. Anything that is mind made cannot be free so we need to get beyond mind to the reality of what is.

It stands to reason then that there is only one way to attain to that freedom which is the goal of the noblest aspirations of mankind, and that is by giving up this little life, giving up this little universe, giving up this earth, giving up heaven, giving up the mind, giving up everything that is limited and conditioned...if we give up our attachment to this little universe of the senses or of the mind, we shall be free immediately." Vivekananda, Loc 3438

"I and mine" are of the mind and are in the way. Our fears and desires are of the mind and in the way.  This "me" with all its fears and desires is of the mind and in the way. Even our idea of the "universe" is of  the mind and in the way. 

"Each wave in the Chitta that says, "I and mine" immediately puts a chain around us and makes us slaves, the more slavery grows, the more misery increases. Vivekananda, Loc 3473

Singer tells us that as long as we have mental needs, we will continue to take from the world instead of serve it , which is the opposite of  a karma yoga focus. Our selfishness will keep us in bondage.  He reminds us that for freedom we need to stop working hard to get what we erroneously think we want and continue to work hard to get what we need.  We need to, instead, attempt to let go and give up the part that wants. This will free us.  He tells us we can prove it to ourselves by letting things go... and with each part of "me" we let go of,  we will  feel the rush of holy waters coming thru (Singer) and the peace that passes all understanding (Vivekananda) . 

Though it may look like Life is making it difficult for us, it isn't!  It is in fact supporting us and helping us get to our goal of Self realization and yoga.  It is offering us experiences that will help to scrape the remaining "me" off so we can be who we really are. 

"All this that you see, the pains and the miseries, are but the necessary conditions of this world; poverty and wealth and happiness are but momentary; they do not belong to our real nature at all. Our nature is far beyond misery and happiness, beyond every object of the senses, beyond the imagination; and yet we must go on working all the time. Loc, 3470

When we stop resisting and struggling against what Life gives us in the service of "me", and start using what Life gives us, working with it to scrape the me away, we will be free.  The process of getting there is karma yoga. 

Karma yoga makes us admit that this world is a world of five minutes, that it is something we have to pass through; and that freedom is not here.  It is only to be found beyond. Vivekananda, Loc. 3461

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 20, 2023)The Deep Teachings of Right Action. https://tou.org/talks/

Vivekananda(1989-1999?) The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Kindle Edition. 1.2.7 Chapter 7: Freedom 

 

                                                         All is well!

Shining the Light on the Impersonal Nature of All of It.

 The nature of light is that it illumes where it falls, therefore it illumes the part it is looking at...

Michael A. Singer

 What are you shining this precious and powerful light of awareness on?  The world out there with all its impermanent and ever changing forms?  Probably, eh? In the midst of all that stuff you are shining awareness on, is likely to be a mirror, a convoluted one perhaps, where you see this image of yourself placed in the center of all that is happening  around it.  

Making it Personal

When we do that, we begin to see what is showing up in that small beam of light we  are focused on as personal. We personalize it and say that it is "My world", "my life",  and even "me". So in our ownership of  what this light just happens to have  fallen on, we create drama and story based on what should be and what shouldn't be showing up in that beam of light.  We fear what might pop up from the shadows behind it and stand on guard against it. We hope and pray that certain things might come into our view that will make it all okay for the image in the center. We cry out in agony when things within this focus change, as things are sure to do.  We reach out to cling to all that is pleasant as it threatens to dissolve or move out of the light.  We curse at that which steps in the way of us seeing our mirror image clearly.  We get all tangled up in this small beam of light and fail to see all that is outside that beam of light.  We fail to see the impersonal nature of it all. 

Not Personal

What if I told you that what you are focusing on is simply an accumulation of 13.8 billion years of cause and effect that has nothing to do with you?  That whatever gets caught in your beam will go  as quickly as it comes in to focus, as is the nature of things, and you cannot do a darn thing about it? What if I told you that what you are focusing on is not here to please you or to hurt this mirror image in the center of your light field? It doesn't care one iota about it? What if I told you that this image of you is not the main thing in  this scene you are looking at, in fact, it is really not important at all? What if I told you that it wasn't  even real, that it was just a visual illusion created by your light hitting glass? What if I told you that you didn't have to look where you are looking? What if I told you there was so much more to the world, to this light, to you than what you are looking at now with your narrow focus? What if I told you  that there was an infinite number of other things, and experiences hidden in the darkness beyond the patch you are illumining that you could be focusing on simply by moving your beam a little to the left or a little to the right?  Yes, you can control where the beam goes! What if I told you, you were that beam of light and not that which is illuminated?  That you were that which illumes. Not that  which the eye can see, but that by which the eye can see (Kena Upanishads)? 

Would you believe me, I wonder? Or would you just narrow your light focus into the scene and the image within it a little more intensely, convincing yourself, even more,  that it is all so personal?

The Light and not that which the light is shining on

Though, I still narrow my focus, allowing this precious light to fall on the selected field of insignificant again and again, I now know that I am not that which I am looking on but that which is doing the looking.  I am not that which is illumed, I am doing the illuminating.  I also know that, though it still feels so personal at times, there is nothing personal about this Life I am viewing. No matter what shows up in the beam  or mirror in front of me, I know it is just a reflection and not who I am. I know this world is doing what it has always been doing without any help from me.  It is vast and it is amazing!  We  get to experience it all!  We do not need to stay so narrowly focused on that which keeps us stuck. 

I am the light, as you are the light, that does the shining.Why then, do we want to keep our focus so narrowed on some idea of personal? Why don't we just open our hearts and widen our light beams so we can experience what we are truly here to experience....the impersonal nature of all of it. 

Hmm!  All is well in my world. 

Inspired by:

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True () Every Moment has Nothing to Do with You. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_BlUKv5idk&t=363s

Stay on Track

Accept and honour the nature of all  of the things you run into on your way to your chosen goal.

Michael A. Singer ( paraphrased) 

The Question

Do you ever ask yourself this question: "What do you want to do/be with the remainder of your life here? What is your highest goal?"  If so, are you are staying on track to getting there?  

The Long Term Goal

I think I know what I want to do/be when I ask myself that question.  I believe I want to walk towards awakening.  I want to grow at the deepest level. I want to be the best person I can possibly be. I want to leave this place at least a tiny, itsy bit better because I was here.  I want to help in someway, without any real attachment to the fruits of my actions. And I think I am  focusing my precious energy in the right direction and that I am taking the " right" steps (following the eight fold path in my sadhana) to get there. I do. Yet, I still get pulled away into the drama all the time and find myself redirecting that energy onto new short term goals that come up, like , "How do I get out of this mess that I am in right now? How do I make this better so we can survive here?"  I, as a result, often find myself blocked, fighting with or overwhelmed by the obstacles in front of me that come up the form of "real life. "Hmm!

Don't Struggle With the Short Term Goals or the Obstacles

Singer reminds us that it takes much more energy to fight with what shows up in front of us, to see it as an obstacle or an interference than it does to simply allow it and move around it. I see that now.  

We have to remember when we set our life goal, our long term goal to stay on track.  Each long term goal is broken down into a series of short term goals...the steps that take us there. I think it is in the deciding what our short term goals should be where we may take our eyes off the prize and get a bit lost. We may make  getting the money, the job, education, or the relationship our short term focus and forget our long term goal in doing so.  We may be so caught up in our short term focus, our short term comfort, our short term discomfort that we may  fail to ask, "Is this helping me get to where I really want to be in the long run, or is it hindering me?"  

Obstacles in all shapes and sizes are sure to show up in front of us on our way to the life end we are seeking. We sometimes get so caught up in these obstacles, we  make getting rid of them our short term goal. We begin to direct our energies...our beams of light...onto them ...fighting them, struggling against them, attempting to move them, telling ourselves and others that the road blocks  are bad, wrong, shouldn't be. We not only lose focus on our ultimate goal when we do this but we waste valuable energy.  We exhaust ourselves. 

Let It Be and Keep Moving Forward

When these obstacles show up in front of us...say in the form of a financial deficit or a relationship issue or another adverse circumstance for example...we do not need to fight them.  We do not need to push them out of the way.  We do not need to fix them or change them, make them something other than what they are so our path is smoother.  We do not need to get all caught up in their drama. We just need to recognize them, accept them, honor them for having the  nature they do, and simply walk around them. If we constantly remind ourselves where we are going, we won't get tangled up in the real life obstacles that show up.  They won't even be considered hindrances or obstacles...just things that showed up on our journey home. 

Stay on Track

Being in this world but not of it, is a challenging frame of mind to maintain. It is my long term goal, if not always my short term goal, to keep that as my focus. I slip off the path often, center myself, remember where I am going and what I am looking for before I begin again.  But I always begin again...a bit more exhausted each time, maybe, but I begin again. When I reflect deeply, I see I am getting better at allowing these obstacles to be what they are, of respecting and honoring their nature.  I am getting better at  nodding politely and walking around them when they show up in front of me. I am learning. You are likely learning too. But... can we do better?   

I want to do better. Everytime I walk through a door, I will remind myself, like Michael Singer does, that my life time goal is to be free and to help others to be free. I will keep my eyes on that prize and make every short term goal I take on one that helps me get there, not one that hinders my effort. I will do my best to not get tangled up in the short term focus. I will work with each person or obstacle that I meet along the way. I will continue moving towards my destination, no matter what. 

Hmm! What about you? 

All is well

Michael a. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 16, 2023) Staying Committed to Your Higher Goals. https://tou.org/talks/

Relaxing and Calmly Studying the Psyche

So with all our feelings and action-our tears and our smiles, our joys and our griefs, our weeping and our laughter, our curses and our blessings, our praises and our blames-every one of these we may find, if we calmly study our own selves, to have been brought out from within ourselves by so many blows. The result is what we are. 

Vivekananda, Complete works, Location 2537

I have been reading the Complete Works of Vivekananda every night now for over a month and it is still only 5 % read lol.  There is a lot of noted wisdom to get through even though  the book was just recorded notes from his lectures and he only lectured for a short period of time before dying an untimely death (Oh, how can a death be untimely?...It happens when it happens.)  Anyway...it is very interesting and inspiring to read such wisdom. 

In the above quote, he is basically describing the psyche in regards to karma.  He is telling us that any disturbance experienced (positive or negative) is a result of what is being pulled up into our awareness from the inside  Our psyche is a collection of all these emotional energies and suppressed stuff.  It is the psyche, the personal self, the ego, the little me (however you wish to describe it)that is responsible for any disturbance we may experience, not the situation we are facing.  He stresses that we would know that if we could "calmly" (relax) and look within these minds of ours to see the mess they are creating in our lives.

Michael A. Singer, in the below podcast, teaches this as well. He tells us we need to observe our minds to discover that it is the source of all our problems, and not what Life is handing us to experience.  We are here on this planet for the short time we are on it, to experience all it is.  That would be a simple and enjoyable thing to do if our minds did not get in the way. Psyche gets in the way of the true experience.  It creates noisy static we can not hear through  and a dirty lens filter we can barely see through.  So busy is our amazing light of consciousness shining and focusing on psyches noisy mess, it doesn't shine on the Experiencer and the experience, it is here to experience.  Too many of us are stuck in our heads and the stress and fear it creates, and we do not live the full experience of Life.

It is not what is showing up in front of us; it is what the mind does with it. ...that creates most of our disturbance.  We got that, right? If you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious with your job...the employment circumstance you are in is only, at most, 5 % of the problem...95 % of the disturbance comes from  the personal mind, the psyche and what it is saying about it. So if the problem is not out there, either is the solution.  You could quit your job and go elsewhere but it is almost guaranteed that you would become disturbed again. Why? Because you are bringing your disturbed mind with you!

So what is the solution?

The solution is to "calmly study ourselves".  The solution is to look inward to ask, "Why am I so bothered by this?  Why am I anxious and afraid? What do I need to change "in" here?"  This is going to be a challenging set of questions to ask ourselves if we see the outside world as the source of all our frustrations and fears....but ask it we must.  The more we examine the mess in the mind, the more we see it as the source of our disturbance.

Relax! Stay Calm and Carry on! 

Of course, we need to be calm when we do this, to relax.  Singer calls relaxation the highest technique in dealing with suffering.  "Just relax and experience life", however, is not an easy suggestion for most of us to follow when our amygdala's are calling out their warnings and the sympathetic nervous system is screaming "Run or Fight! Do something!!!" We are so programmed and conditioned to listen to these minds and will want nothing more than to "do" something about the situation that we believe is upsetting us. It is then, more than ever, we need to do the opposite of that habitual tendency and relax. 

Not the Mess or the Stress 

Remember you are not the mess or the stress.  You are not the mind with all its dramatic reactions or even the body with its sometimes terrifying  physiological ones.  You are the One in there, here to experience all that Life is.  In order to reconnect to that Experiencer, we need to get beyond the mind.  We get beyond the mind by relaxing away from the stress, tension, fear the mind creates and into what is. 

Relaxation is a practice.

It is not the mess and the busy mind we are going to relax.  No, that will do what it does.  We are going to relax despite the mind.  We going to remember who we are beyond the mind and lean back into that. We start by learning how to relax which many of us do not know how to do.  Most of us don't even know how tense we are.  So we observe mind and body and then we relax into mind and body so we can get beyond mind and body.  There are valuable relaxation learning techniques out there that we can begin practicing in times of lower degree of stress.  Hatha yoga is amazing for that reason.  The more we practice Hatha yoga, the more we relax into the body and mind, as we see beyond it. It helps to prepare us for those times monkey mind takes over leading us into fear and stress reactions. Eventually it will help to decrease the amount of times, mind is able to take us away in this manner.  Meditation and mindfulness is also an amazing tool to help us "calmly study ourselves" and help us to tap into that peaceful center of who we are, helping us to access it easier even in times of great stress. Then there is pranayama or breath awareness, progressive muscle relaxation etc. There are so many  tools out there.  We can experiment until we find one that works best for us. 

Life is not meant to be a day to day struggle with fear and worry.  It is meant to be a fun, joyful and awe-some experience.  The only thing preventing it from being so is our attention on the mind and the world rather than on the Self within.  Let's do as Vivekananda suggests and learn to calmly study our own selves. Let's do the inner work necessary. We can start by  learning to relax at this very moment!

All is well. 

Vivekananda (n.d.) The complete Works of Swami Vivekananda: Volumes 1-9. Kindle Edition 

Michael A. Singer /Sounds True (Sept 13, 2023) Relaxing Behind Your Inner Disturbance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYGBrG_fDoo&t=120s

Improv Actors on an Amazing Stage

 All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. 

Shakespeare's, As You Like It ( Act II, Scene VII)

We are all just actors in an improv drama.  We wear different costumes, take part in different scenes, meet up with different characters, face different adversities and win different victories...but it is all just a play.  Unlike the  masterpieces Shakespeare created, this play is improv, so we do not know what will happen next. That, if anything, should make this whole thing more exciting.  

Many of us, however, live in fear of  what might show up in the next scene, so, we may choke on our lines, pull back into the shadows and fail to live out our parts fully. We may be still reeling from the last scene and unable to participate fully in this one. Sometimes we are so bored or so fed up with the challenges of the scenes we are in, we do what we can to quickly get through them  in hope that the next scene will offer more. Maybe Prince Charming will arrive on his white horse to save us, or maybe the villain will be destroyed by someone.  When we spend our acting effort hoping and dreaming for something better in the next scene, we do not make the most of the scenes we are in. 

We also, throughout it all,  think, so mistakenly, that the whole play is written and scripted around us when we are only bit actors. It isn't about us at all...we just get to be a part of it. 

The costumes and make up, is overly important to us too.  We care more about creating an appearance than we do about the lines we are given, or the purpose of the part. We may see ourselves at the mercy of the critiques. How we appear to others and how they appear to us becomes of upmost importance.

 Most sadly, when we act out our parts we so often lose ourselves in these characters and forget that we are the actors beneath the costume and makeup, not the roles we are playing. We take it all too seriously and forget to enjoy Life.

If we could always remember that we are the actor, beneath the part, who was given this wonderful opportunity to take part in this amazing play on this incredible stage we call earth...we would simply  watch ourselves perform these roles, going through the pleasant things and the unpleasant things without being attached to any of it. We would enjoy it all, without getting lost in the drama. None of it would be bad and none of it would be good.  It would all just be an  incredible play we get to be a part of. 

Hmmm! That is what came to mind when I listened to the below podcast.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (October 15, 2023) The Art of Handling Life. https://tou.org/talks/

FYI on Exposing Imperfections

 

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage are not always comfortable, but they are never weakness.

Brene Brown

Exposed in All My Imperfections 

Just wanted to let you know I made a deal with someone yesterday regarding my youtube videos...the answering of questions from the jar in a ten minute time frame...that I have been doing for well over a year now.  I have been intending to keep these videos very low key because they are so far from perfect it isn't funny . Well, this individual promised to help me with something I needed help with, if I made all these videos public.  Yikes! I agreed to do so and now I am chewing on my nails.  I keep reminding myself...it doesn't matter how I appear "out there"...it matters only what "I am" "in here". Maybe this exposure will help to scrape the  remains of egoic me away enough so the deeper me in all its truth  can shine through...or maybe it will just embarrass me to no end lol. Whatever will be will be. I will honor my part of the bargain. 

All is well. 

Are you "Okay"?

When a thing can no longer offend, it ceases to exist in the old way...3rd Zen patriarch

When people ask me if I am okay, I will often respond with, "Define okay." 

And they usually look at me as if I have two heads before answering.  Then they might say, "Is Life treating you good?  Are things working out? Are you getting by financially? Are the kids doing okay?  Is he, or your job, or this thing you have or are doing  making you happy?" 

When I say "No," they look at me again in a state of shock and disbelief.  

"Well, I don't understand.  You look good.  You look like you are doing okay." 

And I just nod my head, "I am!"  

I can almost hear the silent words in their heads as they look closer at me with wrinkled brow and hand on chin. What the fork? 

Say what crazy lady? 

"Okay," to most of us refers to a state of being able to avoid what we fear and being able to get what we want from the external world.  So in that way...I am far, far from okay lol. I seem to be having trouble getting what is needed for survival, let alone comfort.  I am facing almost every parenting, financial,  and social fear a person can have. My exterior world seems to be nothing but challenge.  It is as messy as my psyche. Well, that isn't true. Thanks to the challenging events that Life is handing me, my psyche is actually going through a forced clean up.  It is probably less messy now than my external world seems to be.  That is why I am more okay than I ever was, at least inside. 

The Learning

I have learned, you see, that this state of conditional okayness most of us operate with is not going to sustain me or anyone else. I have stopped spending all my energy attempting to run and hide from my fears, attempting to get what I could from the "out there" so I would feel somewhat more comfortable in here. I see, now after so many decades, how that doesn't work. It really doesn't. I don't want "okay" to come to me through escaping fear and  improved life situations. I want to go, instead, to where "okay" is regardless of what I have, who I am with and what I am doing.   So, I focus my attention inward now and put my energy towards a spiritual practice or sadhana. 

Success is Failure

In society's eyes it may seem that I failed on the "okayness" test. I have failed as a successful career person,  I have failed as a financially independent retiree.  I have failed health wise.  I have failed as a parent.  I have failed as a writer.  I have failed as a social being.  And I have, I suppose, according to that criteria for "okayness".  But Singer reminds us that "Success is actually failure!" So, according to him, I have been very successful because of these failures. :)

An Inner State

I have learned through all that has unfolded in front of me, partly due to uncontrollable forces and partly do to my choices, that true success is an inner state of okayness that is not disturbed by what is happening "out there".  True success is in realizing who we  truly are at the deeper level and being able to experience the world- absolutely all of it- from there. It is about living a higher life than conditioned mind tells us we can. Sitting in the Seat of the Soul allows for a higher life, while mind keeps us in a low life state.

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if you spend your life avoiding your fears and trying to get what you want you are going to live a very low life

Experiencing Life in the Seat of Consciousness

When we can, instead of averting and grasping, simply experience life from the seat of consciousness as the mind does what it does, the heart does what it does and the world does what it does, and be "okay" with all of it, not needing it to be anything but what it is....then we succeeded in the real way.  We have done what we are here to do.  We can then remove this powerful and amazing light of consciousness from the "me" and all its fearful and desiring dramas and place it on what is really important. Our most important purpose here is to let go of the power our minds, hearts and the world have over our consciousness so we can shine it on what is real.  Singer tells us we can connect to ecstasy when we do that.  For now, I would be content with peace. 

Spirituality holds the secret to the mystery of Life and the meaning of Life.

As long as we choose the higher practice for the higher Life, we are  bound to be okay. and maybe even, much more than just okay.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True ( October, 2023) Experiencing Love and Joy Instead of Fear and Desire. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95HnLcWDpHA

Becoming the Experiencer of the Experience, the Knower of the Knowing

 ...We are better off becoming the experiencer of the experience, the knower of the knowing.

Michael A. Singer

I Know Nothing

This vehicle I drive around in, this "me" with its body, mind, socially defined roles and drama, was partially built on an image of a "knower".  I spent a great deal of my lifetime becoming a knower in order to redeem myself from a sense of inadequacy. I spent a lot of time "learning" and earning credits, certificates, diplomas and degrees to prove my "knowing" and my right to be called a "knower." I spent a lot of time teaching on a personal and professional level, enhancing myself in the public eye as a knower. I see now how I prided myself on this "image" (and that is all it ever was...a flimsy image) doing whatever I could to polish it and keep it shining, when in truth I never really knew very much at all about anything. I especially didn't know anything about what was really important. I never really experienced knowing. Wow! I see that now.

Flimsy Image

It wasn't until recently that I began to awaken enough to see how flimsy this image was/is. It wasn't until my image as a knower lost its clout "out there" that I  began to go deeper beyond it, to experience and know in a way I never did before. I then began to ask, "Who is experiencing this?"  "Who is the Experiencer of this experience, the Knower of this knowing?"  That is where I am now on my journey- seeking the Experiencer of the experience, and the Knower of the knowing. 

Why am I here?

I have come to see through my practice that the process of knowing and experiencing this life is not for the "little me",who can do neither, but for  the deeper, wiser "I" within. The "me" is often in the way for most of us, drawing the wonderful power of consciousness to it, so we cannot see anything else but it. Our focus on "me" with all its likes and dislikes, with its primary intention of preventing the samskaras from bothering us again, is like a big wall between conscious awareness and true knowing, between absent mindedly going through the motions of Life, and true experience. This wall hides the Experiencer and the Knower from our conscious awareness.

Truly, Deeply...

To truly know and to truly experience, we need to do so from the deepest parts of Who we are, where the Knower and the Experiencer exist.  In order to do that we need to get our consciousness through the wall of "me". This "me" prevents us from seeing all, from opening fully to the Life experience, and from full knowing. This wall is like a selectively permeable membrane letting only somethings in and some things out. This wall is programmed to resist reality when it is uncomfortable and to pull in reality when it is comfortable. Of course, this greatly limits our experience, limits our ability to truly know as the Experiencer and the Knower. 

I fear this is starting to sound like one of those, How much wood can a woodchuck chuck tongue twisters :)  I am just trying to reinforce that we have to see through the "me" to what is real. When we truly see, we will truly experience and know.

Resistance Stunts Our Growth

This wall of "me" is built on resistance to what is. When we resist any of  what unfolds in front of us, Singer reminds us, we do not experience Life as it is.  If we do not experience Life as it is, we do not grow and evolve like we are here to do. Resistance stunts our growth.

Dealing with Reality as the Knower and the Experiencer

Our growing  is not about what we think should be happening "out there" but what is really happening.  It is not about living in our heads on this superficial plane of existence but about going deeper and truly experiencing Life as it is happening. It is not about the images we create of self,  about impressing others with what we do or say we know, it is about seeing the flimsy unreality of that image and getting to truly know who we are .   It is not about resisting anything because it may be uncomfortable, but opening up to, allowing it in and honoring everything so we can truly know and experience Life as the Knower and the Experiencer of it.

Hmm! Well that is all I have to say. 

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 12) Spirituality is the Ability to Handle Reality

Remembering the Center

 At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.

Lao Tzu 

Went to a wake last night. Though it was so nice to see those I loved, even under such circumstances, I was a bit awkward and overwhelmed. I watched as this person, I and others have spent this lifetime thinking I was, reacted and behaved as it maneuvered this social situation. . 

I see just how flimsy, rusty, banged up and outwardly imperfect this vessel of body and mind is when I am in a crowd of people...(many other vessels of all makes and models). What is left of my personality, this esteem, this collection of learned experiences or psyche, in those situations, is flapping around like loose bumpers and exhaust pipes making all kinds of noise.  I watch as this vessel says and does things with its unconscious need to protect itself from the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts inside. Why is there this insatiable need to protect and defend? Because in its ever changing, unquenchable and vulnerable nature it /"me" is afraid. It knows how close it is to blowing away with the wind. 

This vessel I drive around in, just as yours might have been, has been through a lot even before it came out of the factory.  It had a certain inherited brokenness  to it, simply because of the serial number it was assigned. It was meant to move a certain way with a specially programmed set of strengths and limitations. It was also assigned a particular map of  life situations to drive through that would prove a little more than uncomfortable. So,  over the years it travelled down many paths, some paths beyond its control, and others it made choices to travel on. It was forced over some  rough terrain and  it was graced with some smooth. But all along it was picking up dust and dirt ( karma), getting damaged, reacting to damage and then adding its own form of damage to the world.  It contended with the weather...with the poor driving of other vehicles...with all the bumps, potholes, and obstacles that made travelling so challenging. It collected a lot of dings and scratches and in its attempt to cover those scars up, to prevent further rust damage through exposure,  it hid itself under layers of heavy paint, duck tape, and other DIY repairs. It amateurishly stuffed so much of its reaction to life inside. This messy brokenness, that it stuffed just so it could keep going,  never had a chance to be expressed and released. It built up to the point it was always oozing out of the cracks of a self-created defense. It then got projected it everywhere.

I spent much of my life polishing and fixing up this vessel...thinking it was who I was...trying to get it to look a certain way, behave a certain way so it became  something that  stood out on occasion or at least blended in. The outward appearance and function of this vessel was so important to "me" because I thought it was important to others.  How it looked and performed in front of the determining eyes of others  was everything ...even more important than what experience the "I" within was having. To be honest, so caught up was I on the outer, I wasn't even aware of the "I" within.  

Many of those others I meet up with in crowds knew "me" by my paint jobs and outward repairs, not by the mess. Some  knew "me" only by the mess. Few, if any of them, knew me by the driver. Regardless, all outer layers are falling or peeling off now. I imagine I presently look like an old bomb ready for the scrap yard. I look around at these others in the crowd and see how  shiny and well kept up their exteriors are, while my vessel of mind and body, that I call "me" and others call "you" or  her,"  with all its history, all its memories, its trauma induced thoughts and feelings, its unsuccessful self-repairs, and its unfulfilled social expectations... is a mess.  This mess might be showing more than it ever did.  At least, I, who sits behind the wheel, am more aware of it than I ever was.  I am acutely aware of this messy vehicle  I parade awkwardly in front of others. I feel the mess as it sputters and chokes  and it isn't always pleasant.

 The thing is...I do not want to be ashamed of this mess.  I also do not want to continue redeeming myself by cleaning it up, looking for something out there that will make it run smoother or look shinier. I want to embrace this mess, appreciate it, honor it. I want to stop covering it up and hiding it away.   I want whatever was hidden beneath the self-repair to be exposed.  I want to shout out to the world, "This is me!" Why?  Because I see I am not the makeshift fixer uppers, I am not this mess, nor am I this thing I am driving around in.  I am not this "me," it is just something that I am temporarily in. Oh, this vessel serves a purpose.  It is needed so I can get around but it is not who I am.  It is just something I use and am greatly  responsible for creating. What I, or others, think of it is not really important in the long run.  What is important is the driver behind the wheel of this vehicle and the driver behind the wheel of all the other vehicles I encounter. 

When I look at this "me", this vehicle: this aging body, this psyche, personality, story, with all its hurts, fears, hopes, with all its roles and expectations, and with all its mess chugging along, I see I am getting more and more detached from it.  At the same time I appreciate it and honor it for getting me to where I am now.   I will do my best to look after it, but no more paint jobs and superficial cover ups are necessary. There is no more need for shame or redemption, just truth. I want whatever is oozing below the paint to come up, be exposed, so it can be released once and for all. 

This "me," I see so clearly now, is just a temporary thing I am driving around in.  It doesn't define who I am.  Everything it went through in the past, every role it succeeded at, every role it failed at, everything it looks like or  behaves like now is so unimportant in comparison to the the experience the driver is having behind the wheel in this very moment. I want to reconnect with the driver and feel the experience of living without the focus on this rusty old box of bolts in the way :) 

Man...I feel so much relief when I think like that. When I see this thought and feeling machine, this personality, this outward body appearance, as nothing more than the vehicle I am driving in and when I look back at all the circumstances and life events I encountered over the 60 years I was on this planet as simply the road that enfolded before me, I breathe a big sigh. I don't have to own any of it.  I don't have to "do" anything about it.  I don't have o fix it! It is all just as it is, something to take me from here to there, not something I am.  I recognize there is an "I amness" in every vehicle that drives by me or into me.  I still often slip away from the wheel and see myself as the vehicle, getting all tangled up in the mess of "me" and the mess of "others" ...but more and more I am becoming aware of the driver. There is no mess, no shame, no redemption, and so much peace in this driver's seat

Remembering and reconnecting to that center of being is everything!

All is well. . 

Karma Yoga and My Mission in Life

 

Karma yoga is not about being busy. It is not about being in constant doer mode. It is instead, about being involved in the kind of activity that frees you, about performing the kind of action that leads you to your own higher nature, toward your freedom.

Sadhguru, page 111

I just finished with my review and study of Chapter 6 of Sadhguru's book, Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Own Destiny.  I, ironically, do so at a time I find myself questioning what I should be doing to make a living and what I should be doing to serve, in a way that burns off,  rather than  accumulates, more karma.  I guess I am looking for my mission in Life...my karma yoga.

What woke me up, like a glass of cold water in the face, was this statement: 

People are always looking for their mission in life. What they never realize is that this is a way you build your karma! page 120

Yikes! I want to burn off karma not add more.

It is a little disheartening to think that my seeking to determine what it is I "should" do with the rest of my life, how I "should" best serve others, is actually adding karma to my overfilled karma collector, not helping to empty it. I spend so much time questioning "Am I  wasting my time here in my practice, studying what I study, writing what I write, sharing and speaking...when there is no fruit I can see growing from my actions?  Should I do more "out there" to serve the community while I make an income?"

The Outside Job

 I took on this little side job supplying thinking that it would do just that but when I do it, it takes  me away from this thing that I do here everyday, my sadhana, this committed and involved action that offers no obvious benefits. A day of work outside  tires me out so much I cannot practice yoga for days after. And it leads me back to old ego ways of living I thought I left behind. I get caught up in the busy doing. I move faster.  I talk faster (and that says a lot becasue I talk fast!)I am more anxious and reactive.   

I find myself debating whether or not that is a good thing or a bad thing in terms of karma yoga? 

The "out there" job has  many benefits...many fruit.  It keeps me busy, it keeps me productive in the socially approved way.  It feeds my ego a bit by feeding the self-image in me that is associated with classrooms and education. It gives me a much needed income, as well. I receive much  more positive opinion from others for taking on this role, than I do for taking on the role of a yogi.  Let me tell ya!  Much more! I am also much more likely to receive a thumbs up from society for this than I would get for committing full time to my practice, inside.  And a big part of me still craves a bit of social recognition and redemption for the  fall I took from social graces a few years back when I got ill and decided to leave the workforce, leading to a lack of socially expected productivity. Part of me wants to "make up for that". (Obviously, that part is my ego!) And I like action.  I like activity. So this action bears a lot of obvious fruit. I am not sure, though, if the fruit I am picking is healthy for the deeper part of me. 

Healthy Fruit? 

Karma yoga reminds us that action is never a problem. It is the expectation of the fruit of the action that causes the suffering. If you simply enjoy what you do and work at it wholeheartedly, there is no question  of suffering at all. page 122

What I am doing is not a problem. The reasons why I am doing it might be. I mean I give 100 % when I am there and though I do not love it, I do enjoy it. I approach the work whole bodily...if not wholeheartedly. I think, however, that I may be in it more for the fruit than for the joy of performing this action.

If all those benefits were not there, would we still work with the same intensity and involvement? page 121

No...I probably wouldn't. 

Duty?

I feel this sense of social pressure, of duty to be out there earning an income and doing what is socially expected of me. My ego longs to redeem itself in that way. That is partly the volition behind this action,

....there should be no such thing as duty in the world

Serving? 

Am I serving in a meaningful way? Not really.  When I applied for this role last year, there was an obvious need out there.  That need has diminished greatly. The opportunities are quite limited right now. Even when I take a call, I know there are many others out there who are competing for the same spot I may take and some who are even contesting my being there because they feel that I, and others like me, are taking the work from those who deserve it more. I am not needed. Besides: 

Mere service is not karma yoga. Karma yoga has nothing to do with what type of action you perform, but rather how you do it. page 111

How You Do It

How am I doing it?  I think ego is in charge when I am out there and I am not so happy about that.  It is ego and concern about other opinion that runs the show. I keep trying to come through ego and I often succeed but I keep slipping back into ego ways. I am personally involved when I do not want it to be about "me."

Personally Involved?

When Sadhguru gets asked about what his mission in life is he responds with "Nothing. I am just fooling around,"  meaning that he is not personally involved in or attached to any of his actions.  He is actively and whole heartedly involved in what he does but not to the fruits of his actions. It is not so much what he does, but how he does it. I would love to approach everything I do in life in that way. 

Completely Aware? 

I am not aware enough. I am worried about the awareness part...it is so hard to keep everyone I am standing in front of in my head, to get their names straight, let alone be responsible for them.  My awareness has to spread out and it leaves me uncomfortable. I am unable to maintain the  certain presence and awareness that I am comfortable with. 

Abandoning? 

You are willing to just give up everything that you consider to be yourself page, 118

As far as abandonment...I would love nothing more than to leave "me" behind...to abandon it completely but I don't in this role.  It seems to be a role for "me" rather than a role for abandoning "me". 

Desisting?

I don't love this job and for so long I was telling myself that was a good thing. That this little job may help to scrape the rest of "me" off but when I read the below line  I start to think I should not be doing this?

If you have love for something, you do it; if you have no love, it is simply better to desist from action. 113

Wow!  I don't know. It looks like Life might be taking care of this one for me.  There are less calls now that others are contesting, I haven't a vehicle...need to depend on getting on at school close to where D. is going which is not always possible , and I am not sure if my body can keep up with the pace. Hmm!

Now the action will happen by itself; it will also dissolve and melt away by itself.  You do not have to stop working to be liberated from action; it will happen anyway.

The Inside Job

What about this inside job I have been committed to everyday as part of my practice. Does it classify as karma yoga?

If you perform action joyfully and effortlessly, it is karma yoga.  111

Joyfully and Effortlessly? 

 Today, alone, I spent more time studying, learning, assimilating, and writing on this topic than I would have spent on the outside job.  And I gave it a 100 percent of wholehearted effort.  I was joyfully and  completely immersed.  I am always completely immersed in this learning and the teaching comes as an afterthought. It feels so effortless. 

Serving? 

 I am not sure what type of service I am providing.  "I" think taking part in a practice of waking up is the most important thing we can do as human beings...but not many others may  feel that way.  Not many others notice or value what I am trying to do here.  I just want to share what waking up feels like so others can do the same. I see it as a very important service even if others don't. 

Sacrificing? 

Giving up something for something else is commerce; giving up something for nothing is sacrifice. 126

I am not giving up my time for something else...there is no pay here like there is in the other job.  No money is making its way to me.  And though I am aware of the : no work, no food axiom Sadhguru shares in his book, I want to believe this, what I do here is a karma- freeing sacrifice...one that will help dispel karma, though that is not why I do it. 

Attached to Outcome, to Fruits of Action?

Obviously not.  There is no pay, little to no recognition. There is no obvious fruit emerging from these branches. Yet, I still do it.  It is still the most important part of my day. 

As a yagna your very life process is an offering...when your life becomes a yagna, thousands of people can reap its benefits. page 127

Natural?

Only if there is a natural sense of offering can karma be elevating for the doer page 114

This learning, writing, sharing, teaching seems like the most natural offering I could give to anyone even if there are no external reward for me.  My reward is all intrinsic...following my natural compulsion. 

Aware?

I am completely aware and present asI do this here.  In fact, presence and awareness is what I  m studying and writing about. lol

Abandonment?

My whole practice is a committed intention to leave myself behind so yeah I am abandoning while I am here.

After this reflection I think it is pretty obvious which action is one of  karma yoga, which one frees me and honors my higher nature.  It is not that I have to give the other up.  Like I said Life seems to be taking care of that all by itself. I just need to continue to prioritizing my sadhana and do my best to bring the energy of what I do here into all other actions.

Karma has to be worked out, but engaging with action with great involvement and intensity, without caring a hoot for it, is the most effective way to work your karma out. page 126

All is well.

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

The Inner Work of Learning Who Is Driving

....If you can free yourself within, you will be free for the rest of your life. That is worth working for. That is the work of a yogi.

Michael A. Singer

I consider myself a pretty committed yogi, I do.  I am seeking to free myself from within. I often use visualizations and analogies to help me understand what that freedom entails. 

Visualizing the Student Driver

 In my trying to explain the "experience" I have when I visualize myself as the student driver in the vehicle I am practicing in, I lost the "experience" of it.  Weird. Trying to conceptualize that which is beyond conceptual explanation can take us from the "experience" of that which we are attempting to explain, and pull us back into the mind. Can't it? 

Anyway, I opened up to this podcast this morning and it was like "Wow!" It brought me back to the "experience" of being the driver ( Objective Observer, Quiet Watcher, Detached Witness, Soul etc. ). I also noticed that weird serendipity again when Michael Singer spent some time talking about the "Who is aware?" (I just posted a guided meditation on that). Of course, I have been somewhat of a student of his for years now...I am absorbing his teachings and it just might be coming out of me, as mine. But still I think it is cool how much we think alike in the same time frames.  

So back to the Student Driver on the practice course of Life:

What I experience, then, when I see myself as the quiet, forever calm and peaceful driver behind the wheel of this form vehicle (body, mind, energies, names, labels, roles, desires, aversions, reactions, life situations, successes, failures,  karma etc) is a wonderful detachment from this identity of 'little me' living this Life. I am in the process of realizing that I am the driver of this experience, (even though this Being drives on cruise control, with or without my awareness). The "student" part of this comes with the relearning of this Truth. I am in the  process of eliminating the veil that exists between what I think I am, and what I am.  The student graduates when they see they are the driver and not the form they are driving. 

The Veil Between What We Think We Are and What We Are

As a student, advancing in my learning, the veil has thinned out quite a bit. I can now,  for the most part, though I still often slip into blind spots and bad driving habits, observe the paths on this course and see that they are all there for my learning. They are neither bad or good, wrong or right, shouldn't be or should be...they are just what they are and I can learn from all of it.  I am becoming more and more willing to open up to the paths that unfold in front of me and  travel  down them with less and less resistance. I am even, at times, saying "Bring it on!" when I find myself on some dark foreboding road...paths I would have driven 100 miles around before to avoid. As terrified as I still am at times, I am willing to do this course so I can learn.  I want to learn and grow. That goal has become more important to me than listening to my fear.

Just Form

Even more cool, is that I can, from behind the wheel, observe the vehicle I have been given, with all its imperfections and strengths.  I see its neurotic tendencies  and what I, as "little me" have done to this form with my unconscious and unskillful driving. I can see how  the way I have driven in the past over the paths that were laid out before me, has bumped up my fenders, scratched up the paint and has effected my energies. I see the tendencies to want to protect some of these energies and  to avoid experiencing more, that still exist within me. I see how challenging it is many times to simply be in this form, let alone to drive it.  Yet, there is so much less judgement of it. So much less attachment to it.  I no longer see the need to shame it or redeem it.  It has so little importance on my mission. When I can say, "This is just a form...partly what I was given and partly what I created," ...it frees me so much to get through the veil and realize who I am and who I am not.

Not the Vehicle; the One Behind the Wheel

Though I may not yet confidently identify as a mature and skilled driver, I know I am not this form it is driving!  I am the One behind the wheel observing it. This body with all its rust, noisy exhaust system, and cracked windshield,(as hard as it may be to look at or be in sometimes)...is not who I am.  I am the One behind the wheel observing it. This mind ...with all its conflicting and nonstop thinking, its crazy emotions, beliefs, stories and ideas is not who I am either. I am the One behind the wheel watching all this mind stuff. These ever changing and emerging energies that are stuck inside this vehicle from all my past driving experiences ( my karma) is not who I am either. I am the one behind the wheel witnessing these energies emerge.  This course I am driving through, with all its unpredictable nature, its smooth paths and its rough ones, its bumps, potholes and obstacles has so little to do with "me".  I am simply one soul behind one of the 8 billion wheels out there  that gets to observes it all, watch it all, witness it all and experience it all.   

We Are All Learning

What this realization does for me is amazing.  If I can see myself as a student driver, I am less likely to beat myself up for being anxious and afraid or to resist when those energies arise.  I see the fear as a part of the vehicle not the driver...as part of the form, not the formless.  I don't try to stop the fear from emerging, I don't try to fix the path "out there"so I feel better "in here" ...I buckle up, sit behind the wheel and I watch it all go down.  I just watch it.  When I screw up and do something unconsciously, falling away from my mission...I don't get all tangled up in guilt and shame as mind so wants me to do...I look at it as the tendency of this form I am in, a need for more learning and practice, and I detach by slipping behind the wheel once again to witness and observe. When others drive noisily past me or into me, I do not react as I used to.  I see them too as students ...some much more advanced than my form, some much less, but regardless I see them all as students learning just like I am learning.  Even if I cannot see them clearly, I know there are student drivers somewhere inside those vehicles they are driving. I am caring less and less about what those vehicles look like, how they sound, what they do as I remember that within each form is a Soul on a mission to learn and evolve. I care less and less about how my form appears to them, and find comfort in knowing their form may not know I am in here but their driver does.  Every time I do this...look  inwardly and outwardly from behind the wheel, I am progressing as a "student" and becoming more and more the graduate driver of this experience of living. 

I just think that is so cool! Life isn't so scary when I approach living like that.  It isn't so complicated.  It isn't about "me"  so I am no longer feeling pressured to do anything about it.  I can just let it all be as I continue to learn, "I am not this form and all its dramas, I am the one behind the wheel of it."  

And there is nothing but peace in this driver seat.  Nothing that has to be fixed, or controlled here ...nothing that has to be done.  I can just lean back, slip into cruise control, and enjoy the drive.

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 9, 2023) Your Inner Work. https://tou.org/talks/

Thankful for Being a Student Driver

 I take to the open road, heathy, free, the world before me. 

Walt Whitman

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Today  is a day set aside for the purpose  of giving thanks, in my part of the world. And there is so much to be thankful for.  I used to write lists in the hundreds but I learned, through a course I took to become a "Positive Psychology Practitioner"(still not sure what that even is lol), that it is best to think of no more than three things at a time when we are pondering what we are grateful for. We need to truly reflect upon and savour each thing on our gratitude list. Hmm! And no, I am not going to share my entire trio right now.  I need to think long and hard about what I would prioritize. There is one thing I am grateful for, though, from my list of 100 things and that is this analogy that popped into my head a few days ago that allows me to view Life in a whole new and freeing way. 

The Student Driver Behind the Wheel of Form

If I see myself as the student driver of the noisy vessel or vehicle I am in, the vessel or vehicle  that is making  all the drama, having all the so called problems; the vessel that is always busy doing, thinking, feeling, judging, labelling,grievance collecting, grasping, clinging and pushing away; the vehicle that is either "bothered" or overly infatuated with the physical world; and the vessel that is accumulating all the karma ...rather than the vessel...it is so freeing.  When I do not see myself as  the form that is moving around mindlessly on this planet, rusting and falling apart, making a mess of things, I am not so attached to what happens to this form or the outcomes of this forms' actions, I am not overly concerned with the mess it is making. 

When I see myself as  the one behind the wheel, I detach  from any identification with this thing I am temporarily in. The drama does not seem that important. Sure, I know it is my job to take care of it, to steer it in the right direction, and that if I don't, I may reap what it sows but I also know I am not here as an experienced Nascar driver. I am just a student.  I do not have to expect perfection of myself. My entire Life is a driving  practice. Each road I take is just a part of this learning practice.  I do not need to expect perfection of myself or any of the other 8 billion student drivers out there. . . 

It is all about the learning and settling into the driver's seat as our reality.

This vehicle is just  the form I am in. The form includes the body, of course, the mind and all the mind stuff ( thoughts, feelings, beliefs etc.) , the personality, the roles I play ( job, family and social roles), what I own in the material world etc.  This form is just what I am in. It is what I have been given to use for the learning process. It isn't who I am.  It doesn't matter what make or model it is...doesn't matter what it has in it for an engine.  It doesn't matter what year it is or how it performs on these paths.  It doesn't matter what happens to it. What matters is that I drive the best I can with what I am given  and that I keep improving. 

How many of us actually see ourselves as the one behind the wheel and get to truly experience the feeling of the steering wheel in our spiritual hands?  Not many. Many of us, instead,  believe we are the vessel or vehicle we are in. Somewhere, along the line, most of us forget that we are the driver that is  supposed to be driving. 

Auto Drive

We have shifted our physical, mental and energetic bodies  into auto drive and have fallen asleep behind the wheel.  We allow the vessels and vehicles of form to drive themselves up and down these paths that are unfolding in front of us. These forms, without the awareness of the wise driver within, are driving blindly and without a well centered steering wheel to guide with. They steer us all over the place, into and over things, creating chaos, drama and destruction. Why?  Because we have become so attached to our identity as them, we forgot  we are and were the drivers behind the wheel. We are  not that which we are in and are not here to serve  this vehicle. It is here to serve us.  It shouldn't be driving us around...we should be driving it.  As long as we are unconsciously allowing body, mind, thoughts and feelings  and our reactivity to Life to do the driving...we will not pass many road tests, let me tell ya.  And we will have to keep repeating the practice and the testing again and again and again. 

Life is Just a Practice Course

When I  see this playing field we call Life as just a practice course for student drivers, I feel an easing of guilt, shame and blame. I know mistakes are expected.  What happens out there seems to lose its importance, in anyway except for its learning potential. I don't have to take it all so seriously.  I can even have a little fun with it.   If I do good and get a high score in one area...great.  If I make a lot of mistakes and screw up royally in other areas, even better. I am here for the learning. 

Karma

Sure, mistakes will have consequences.  The instructors Life hires and calls Karma, may flunk us, reprimand us, and even increase the intensity of our practice field but they are not doing that to punish us.  They are doing what they do to help us learn what we are here to learn. We will make mistakes; we will get off course; we will do damage to our vehicles and the vehicles of others.  That is a given. We will  keep  hurting our form and  the form of others until we are able to  master the course. 

I have always had this tremendous fear of hurting others in their forms.  When I think of Life like this, however, I am relieved to know I cannot really hurt others...nor can I be hurt by them.  We can bang up each other's vehicles like two opponents on a demolition derby track, creating all kinds of karma...effects for our causes...but the driver ...who we really are...does not get hurt. It is only the form that gets hurt, disturbed, uncomfortable. The form is so inconsequential, and the driver is beyond harm. 

Sometimes those high impact collisions help us to wake up and remember that we are the ones behind the  wheel. When we realize this, we  can get out of autodrive and drive away, undisturbed by any of it.

The Goal of Practice 

That is this goal of this learning field Life provides, isn't it? : To wake up and  remember who we really are, and then to gently  take control of the wheel again, to drive our Selfs up and over any road we are asked to drive on, without being attached to or disturbed by any of it. Our goal is to get to the point where we experience the ride fully and openly, and are able to enjoy all of it, as Soul not form.

All is well. 

"Who Is Aware?"

 The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.

Lao Tzu

Offering a guided meditation that will hopefully help get you to experience the deeper Self for a few minutes out of your busy day.

All is well

Recognizing the Student Driver Within the Vehicle

 It is not about what you are doing ...it is about why you are doing it.

Michael A. Singer

Once again, it was like Michael A. Singer was reading my mind when I was pondering, "What do I do here...how do I serve ...what changes do I make out there, so it feels better in here?", and he came up with the answer I needed in the below linked podcast,   The answer: It is not about what we do people.  It is about why we are doing it. 

There I was, (like many of you might also be doing) trying to understand Karma and going to my twisted up mind to ask , "Okay what do I "do" with this life so that I am not accumulating more of this "awful" karma, so that I am serving in the way I am supposed to, and so I can fulfill God's Will for me?" And, with breath held, I was waiting for an answer. 

The Mind Can't Answer that Question

Duh?  What was I doing? Mind cannot give me an answer. First, it is broken and neurotic, not to mention, responsible for getting me into this mess in the first place. Whatever advice it gives me, cannot be trusted to serve my higher Self.  And second, it is only in the way. The mind is what stands between you and God. We can't go to this mind,then, for these types of answers. 

So, What Do We Do?

We must remember who we are and why we are here. We are souls and we are here to learn. 

Who We Are and What We Are Here to Do

I find so much peace in remembering that earth is a place where souls come to evolve. I find great comfort in imagining that this student soul within me, (like all the other 8 billion student souls on Earth)  has put itself into  a particular body with its attached genetics and collective unconscious (stored memories from its ancestry);into a particular life situation like the one I was born into with all its possibilities and limitations; into the traits and potentials that lead to a specific personality; and into a karmic  potential that it is responsible for, exactly when it did, for the purpose of learning, growing and evolving. When I see my Self (as soul) driving around in this vechicle of body, mind, personality, and Karma over all the possible paths this earth school provides, seeing all the others around me doing the same...it is like "Wow! Isn't this cool?" 

The Student Driver's Mission

I lose my attachment to vehicle, circumstances and all the drama going on out there when I remember that the driver...the soul inside...is on a mission. Everything else is not that important. 

Though the karmic results we all experience differ from vehicle to vehicle, path to path...everybody is doing the same thing I am doing: just figuring their way around. Sure, the vessels all seem to differ in appearance, strength, character etc. as they  go along their merry, or not so merry, ways bumping into things or running over things, hurting others or  helping others, choosing the apparent "wrong path"  or the apparent "right path", making  mistakes or getting it right, and succeeding or failing ...but the student soul, driving of these vehicles, is the same. It pays no attention to things like failure or success.  It is too busy learning. And each of us, as we drive along, are here to grow and evolve, using what we got, making the most of  the paths we are offered.  We just have to do our best with whatever shows up in front of us, using whatever level of clarity we are at when the lessons or the testing comes our way. Our best is good enough.  We do not need to get A's or make the dean's list...we just need to do our best and learn. We learn best sometimes from our mistakes. 

Mistakes help us to understand what we have to learn...if you did the best that you could ...failure becomes your teacher.

So accept and honor the learning potential in each effort, without the need for a certain outcome, and without the need to defend or shame or blame. 

Don't Try to Fix the Path, Just Take It!

  

Though, the paths and all their offered openings and obstacles may differ for these human forms we inhabit...some so challenging to traverse, others so easy... they all serve a specific learning need for that soul in that vehicle.  We may want the paths (circumstances, life events, other people we encounter  etc.) before us to be a certain way.  We may project a certain expectation on them, but they will never be the way we think they should.  Our wanting and not wanting, our attempting to fix the paths Life throws our way only take us from our learning. We need to accept and honor each path that unfolds before us for all the learning potential it provides. It is never about changing the outside to make our experience here easier. (There is little learning and growing potential in 'easy'.)  It is about realizing that each hard lesson, each challenging path will help us to grow.  That is why we are here! That is why the person next to you is here! 

Don't Get Hung Up on the Vehicle

We must do our best, as well, not to let these vessels get all jammed up with stuff that prevents us from seeing the soul and the valuable learning taking place within us. When we get too identified with being the vessel, we get jammed up with stuff related to our wanting and not wanting. All the experiences we encounter, we must remember, are for the soul inside, not for the vehicle on the outside.  Don't get too hung up on creating appearances for the vehicle.  Remember who is driving. The vehicle and the path are really only tools the Soul uses to grow. Evolving  is an inside game. 

Not About Doing or Not Doing!

The mind, as a part of the vehicle, will tell you to "do". Soul will tell you to "be" . This journey here is a short one.  Don't waste time getting hung up on the doing for the vessel's sake. It is not about doing or not doing...it is about being completely open and doing the best you can with whatever unfolds in front of you. It is about growing through whatever is unfolding in front of you.

Renewed Commitment

So, when things get tough, when the path before me seems jammed with obstacles, I am going to visualize my Self, as Soul, driving around in this vehicle of body, mind, accumulated memory and personality that I am greatly responsible for creating. I am going to remind myself that I am not the vehicle.  I am the one in it.  When I look at others doing their thing, I am going to remind myself: They are not the vehicles I see, they are the souls driving them (even if they do not know they are). When the path that unfolds before me gets tough, as paths are sure to do, I am going to be open and grateful to the learning potential each challenge brings to this soul.  When karmic consequence makes big red Cs Ds and even Fs on my test results, instead of crying out to the world with "Oh Why...why are you picking on me?", as I tend to do. I am going to thank Karma and say, "Great! I have more learning to do, more growing. Bring it on!" 

And when I catch this vehicle reciting its never ending mantra of "Give me! Give me! Give me!", I will remind myself, once again, that I am not the vehicle, but the soul within that is driving. I will tune out the outside noise, and tune into the inside mantra instead, that goes a little like this: 

"I am here to grow...I am here to serve...I am not here to take...I am here to give....Let me grow, let me grow.  I am here to grow." 

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 6, 2023) The Highest Path: Doing Your Best. https://tou.org/talks/

Just Getting it Down

 

Just get it down on paper, and then we will see what to do with it.

Maxwell Perkins

I am not sure what to write about today.  I am feeling a mixture of so many things. 

Anyway, I am getting more and more embarrassed as I read through entries that were recently read by others, and notice the number of typos, spelling and grammatical errors...more typos than anything.  I write so fast when I write here, and the words and thoughts are coming out faster than my fingers can keep up. I am not sure I could slow down if I wanted to. It is a free flow of whatever is inside, that comes out  for cathartic reasons. I do not want to interrupt the flow. I also want this to be a very authentic experience for me and others, like we just ran into each other in the street, you know? That is why I publish the first draft with little to no editing. I probs should spend more time, however,  post processing with Grammarly or something.  I don't know.  I suppose these typos are making me, as a writer,  look less credible to others.  If that is important to anything but my ego, I am not sure. Mind says: clean up the mess on these pages,  and Heart says: as long as the meaning is clear, that is all that matters. I think I will listen to Heart because I don't know if I want or have the energy for any more work! 

What do I want from this: to create an illusion of me as a perfect writer or to simply give some of my learning away? It is the giving away part that is important to me....that leads me here, not the image I create.  Still...I can be more careful, can't I, so it looks a little better to the reader.  Like tidying the house up a bit before company comes over, I don't want my guests to be uncomfortable as they are hit with the mess of my typos etc. I want them to be able to focus on the message and not the mess, you know?  

So, dear readers, I will try to clean up a bit before you come over but please know how much I hate housework lol.  It will never be perfectly neat and tidy, k?.

All is well. 

Hey Mind! You're Fired

 You must be willing to sit comfortably with the anguish of your heart.

Michael A. Singer 

I was up most of the night ...somewhat anxious, with the mind whirling around. It always surprises me when I slip back to that level where I am resisting the  anguish of the heart.  And that is all anxiety is, isn't it? Anxiety is our resisting sitting with the heart when it is uncomfortable.  We go to this mind that we overloaded with our demands and which is now neurotic AF, and ask it to make it all better.   The mind is just doing its job when it is whirling around like mine was last night, with all its what ifs and how are we going to prepare for that or fix that etc. It was just doing the job I asked it to do.  Why would I ask it to do that? So I wouldn't have to deal with the "what is" of reality or an aching heart. It is just an aching heart. It is what is. And even if I wanted it to, the mind can't fix it. 

We need to just let our hearts ache a bit for whatever reason they are aching...to be afraid, angry, sas,  or upset. We then have to say to the mind, "Okay , Mind. Thanks for trying but it is time for you to find employment elsewhere. I have to let this be what it is."  This will not only alleviate mind of any extra burden, it will allow us to fall back into what is really important. We have to be able to sit in whatever state the heart is in. 

When you don't have to tend to your heart you fall back to the Self...into consciousness and being.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True (October, 2023) Releasing the Burden of Worry (S3, E) 4). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIrdxQMVtRY

My Dharma

 The higher nature in man always seeks for something that transcends itself and yet it is the deepest truth; which claims all its sacrifices, yet makes this sacrifice its own recompense. This is man's dharma, man's religion, and man's self is the vessel.

Rabindranath Tagore

Bots are gone. Numbers are down to a much more realistic amount. It is all good. Sitting here at one pm., after just getting my grandson down for a nap, wondering what to do with this hour or so I have to myself.  Actually, I am still wondering what to do with what is left of my life time. lol (See previous entry).

Sigh!

Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing to fulfill my dharma?

I have been asking that question for so long now.  It is time to just stop, be still, and listen for an answer.  I am not sure in what type of voice the question will be  answered.  Will it be a clear, internal knowing that will come to me in a meditation?  Will it be in a dream? Will it come with a change of circumstances perpetuated by some force outside /inside me ( karma) that I will have no choice but to deal with? I don't know how I will know, I am just trusting that I will know what has to be done, other than this, if anything, when the time for action comes. For now, I can't memorize my lines from some script so I can prepare  enough to ensure I  play out the part perfectly when I am cued to come onto a different  stage, if I am called upon at all.  I will just have to be willing to wing it...without any costumes or make up or practice to hide behind if I am asked to play any role other than this one. Hmm! I am not even sure what kind of role it will be...if any.  Will it be a lead or co-starring role.  Will it be a minor part or maybe just an "extra's" part I will be called to play.  Will it be villain or heroine? Does it really matter?

How will I know I am playing the right part, doing what I am supposed to be doing, burning off this karma in the right way?  Will I suddenly feel the support of a current taking me some place , instead of feeling like I am fighting against it, like I so often do now?  Will things get easier 'out there"? Will it just feel right?  I don't know.

Maybe I am already doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing...even though I feel so "unproductive"in this role, even though it is role I never seen myself playing: "retiree committed to pursuing a sadhana practice while she  struggles to make ends meat and finds the only time she is productively peaceful  is when she is writing, sharing, teaching in some way!"? 

Everyday I have the compulsion...and it is a strong compulsion...to come here.  I spend a good portion of my morning here.  I just follow the pull and put down, create, share whatever is asking to come out and it feels so right in so many ways. Even though what I offer is so imperfect? (I have been noticing the many errors and typos on these pages for example---writing and thinking too fast...not making a thoughtful offering). I haven't a clue if this is fulfilling even a smidgeon of my higher self or my dharma.  I don't know if I am doing what I was meant to be doing, if I am serving in a meaningful way, if I am burning off any karma, or if I am just wasting valuable time. I Don't Know!  

There is no feedback what so ever  The universe is not giving me any signs about whether or not this is a valuable use of my earthly time, if I am doing any "good". I know practically I  need to be out there making money somehow...I am quickly going under in that area of "my life". I  barely make  a cent off of anything I do that seems to be pulling me heart wise: this blog, my poetry, my other writing, my years and years of studying, Yet, this, whatever it is I am "doing" here, is the most important part of my day.  It pulls me to it and I go. I offer what I offer to God only knows who in this very imperfect way I do ( I really need to slow down the writing , thinking process a bit lol). 

It is absolutely crazy but I am going to keep doing it until the Universe tells me otherwise.

All is wise.