Intending?

Training the mind to perform powerful magic requires a similar level of practice, and it may well have a similar transformative effect. So, be advised that while an initial attraction to magic may be to gain money, fame, and sex, the ultimate prize may be a dramatic change in your personal values that is far more meaningful and beneficial to all. 

Dean Radin, page 206

Still thinking of the power of intention. That is the magic I am talking about.

 I have long since come to the understanding that "desire" is the root of all suffering, yet my human brain is questioning if it is okay to "intend." Is it okay to use consciousness to "intend" a certain something to occur in the matrix of this human's life experience? 

When I ask this question first, then go on to ask, "What would I intend?" I get very confused, almost panicked with an answer, "I don't know!" 

There was a time I was right into the manifesting thing as you might be able to tell by my earlier entries. I thought "desire" was a healthy thing. I had lists of things that I believed I wanted this human to have in their life experience. I had put these desires in images on dream boards and in my mind during Japa meditations. I had positive affirmations posted everywhere. I even attained some of the things I visualized in the kookiest of ways. There was much more, though, that didn't come to fruition in the way I envisioned it would.  So, I had a 'confused' relationship with this idea of 'magic'. I am very aware how powerful consciousness is. I just have no idea of where and how I should use it. 

As I continue to evolve, I have come to see that "acceptance of what is" is much more peace-inducing than getting lost in ego craving and desire for things to be different than they are. I began to look beyond the things I thought I wanted to what I was hoping I would get from them. What I was hoping for was for things to be different than what they were so I could have peace of mind.  I realized it was peace I wanted from those images on my dream board and from those words scribbled on sticky notes everywhere.  It wasn't the "thing": the job, the money, the relationship, the writing success, the trips to the ocean, or the diagnosis and treatment (that was the biggest thing I tried to manifest back then. I thought it would be the key to end all suffering for me and my family...foolish)...it was the peace I erroneously believed these things would give me. I began to explore my "desiring" and began to see it, not as a way out of suffering, but as something that kept me in it. I could see so clearly how desiring kept me striving in busy mind; kept me grasping and clinging; kept me resisting and avoiding.  It kept me struggling and pretending.  It did not take me to peace of mind.  Learning to accept what is, however, did. Finding and maintaining peace no matter what was showing up in my life became my new desire focus.

So, with this in mind, I found many moments of perfect peace, I did, but the life experience for this human in terms of circumstance did not get easier.  I was very accepting of what showed up in my life, and therefore much more peaceful than I ever was...but the struggles, the challenges, the scarcity kept coming. They impacted the body and mind of this human in many ways: physically, financially, socially etc. Still, I learned to welcome the struggles and their impact on this life. I began to see these things as a part of my spiritual journey- a way to scrape off ego which made them much easier to accept.  Much of ego did get scraped off, much remains. 

The question then became: "What should I want and do for my soul development? " rather than "What can I manifest to make this little 'me' feel better?"  I made a very big distinction between what my deeper Self wanted and needed and what the human wanted and needed. In fact, I made a big distinction between spirit and body-mind. I was committed to honoring spirit, and denying body and mind needs so spirit could be served.  Serving the needs of the soul became my priority even though I hadn't a clue as to what those needs were. I assumed that this practice required this human to put aside any of its physical, emotional, social needs for the "greater need". There was a lot of self-sacrifice in that ideation. I thought that was good.  It wasn't supposed to be about this "me". The me had to die. I would even feel so guilty, like I was failing in my practice, if I thought of my physical or emotional needs before someone else's, if I made choices to take care of this body and mind. I was literally "trampling down the self with Self" as Michael Singer would call it.  I would look back at past entries in this blog where I was still talking about manifesting and healthy desire...and not-wanting as a form of cancer, and  I would feel so much shame. "That's not spiritual!  That's not evolved!" 

Well, I have been evolving all along in many ways. Now, I am at the point where I am asking: 

"Is it okay to use this amazing power of consciousness to 'intend' easier times for this human and her loved ones? I will flow with the ups and downs of Life, no problem, but can I not use the power of the Universal mind to make that flow easier?"

I am not sure if I am bargaining...but I hear myself saying things like, 

"If I had some form of undeniable validation that I was travelling on the right path here, this human's life would open up and she would be able to do greater things for the world."

"If I had a better income, I could do so much more good. I could volunteer my skill set to where it is most needed. I could teach in refugee camps. I could get people into treatment programs.  I could give the books I write away. "   

"If I wasn't constantly dealing with present day crisis after crisis, I could use that time and energy to purify and heal from past trauma and therefore be more open, loving, giving. I could be one of those humans that truly wakes up, encouraging others to do the same."

"If I had more validation when it comes to my writing and teaching in all avenues that I do it in, I would be motivated and inspired to do my greatest work."

"If my writing got noticed and read...I could reach more people, possibly helping them."

etc...etc...etc

I am still very confused about "intention" and how to best use this power of consciousness, if I...as one little human...am supposed to use it at all. I would like to think as Dean Radin suggests that training the mind to open up to such magic can help with transformation at the deepest level.

But I don't know. I continue to observe and accept a lot while I intend little.

All is well

Dean Radin (2025) The Science of Magic. NewYork: Harmony