Stinking Thinking

 

Thinking is more stinking than drinking....

Sufi Sam

Heaviness on the Soul

I woke up, for all kinds of reasons at 4 a.m..  I felt the "stink of think" , I guess.  Mind wanted to go to all kinds of outer world reasons for my waking up but I reduced it all to a "heaviness on my soul" rational. It then  went from a very quick and nonproductive , "What do I do to get rid of this heaviness?"  to a, "Why do I have this heaviness on my soul?"  And I knew, from my understanding of Yoga, it was all to do with mind. My puny personal mind, with all its reactions to what is going on around "me ", and its ingrained desire to do something, anything, to make "me" feel okay inside, was sitting heavily on "my"  soul! It has been in the way of me seeing or experiencing anything else.  It was in the way of Self.

Consciousness Distracted Away from Self by "Me"

The Self...this beautiful spacious mind... perfect consciousness...the one I share with the universe... soul...has been polluted by what Patanjali would refer to as mental modifications: ideas of "me", "my" dislikes and dislikes, this perception  and belief that 'little me' wasn't getting what it wanted from out there,  and the need to fix that. These are the typical problems of the personal mind. The trigger that poked the personal mind and stirred it up (when I almost had it down for a nap)was what is going on around me: situations and others I know I cannot control and fix but that are hovering around the 5 foot 4 bit of space I have been allotted to experience Life through.  This external world that has been surrounding this body and personal mind  I call "me" over the last few days has been very chaotic. So many circumstances, so many behaviours and expressions of pain from others, so many thoughts, so many feelings arising  in reaction to these circumstances....so right there in my face, demanding that I deal with them.  And on top of that  I had the experience of a "hurting heart" and a "troublesome mind" to deal with. Mind was so heavy as it sat there, plopped down on top of my spacious , precious soul. I couldn't see anything else. 

Don't Ask the Mind to Fix What It Has Broken...

So when I awoke in the wee hours of morning I, by  habit,  went right to my mind  and asked, "Why? Why am I so heavy ?"  Mind came up with so many events, circumstances, past and present,  to convince me that  it is all external. With some direction from the deeper part of me, squished beneath the weight, mind  condensed that all up to "You are so heavy because you  never seem to get what you want or need.  Your life is and has been so challenging."  Even the deeper part of me was questioning why there was so many challenging external issues to deal with.  It  asked this crazy, broken, overworked  mind to figure that one out. Mind, doing what it is programmed to do, dug down into its problem solving cupboards and came up with things like, "You are either such a mess inside, you are projecting a mess out there;  or it must be your karma debt or something that you are paying off. There has to be some reason why you are where you are in terms of circumstance etc" 

Meditate Instead.

 Mind was doing its best to answer and I  wanted, again by habit, to follow mind along that path but instead I sat up ( at what is believed to be the best time to meditate (between 4-7 am) ). I meditated. Instead of giving my overworked mind more "problems" to solve, more questions to answer (when really it is not capable of answering anything in a wholesome way)...I decided to focus on something other than "what mind was doing in reaction to my challenging and problematic life. " I brought my attention to  breath and to the sound of waking  robin song out there.  The mind was still heavy and demanding, weighing down on my soul, and attempting to pull me away in the habitual way it does with all the reasons from "out there" that were leading to this heaviness.  I had to keep reminding myself..."just thinking...just thought" and once I caught myself following my broken personal mind along these stories and thought streams, I brought myself back to breath and the lovely music that was getting louder and louder outside my window.  My mantra was, "I can relax into this until it passes through. I can relax into this until it passes through." 

More Stinking than Drinking

I relaxed and  eventually "the disturbance" did pass through me and out of me through the tears I cried and the conscious breaths I breathed out. I meditated maybe for forty minutes or an hour, and throughout it all I went back and forth from the personal mind to the universal mind.  I would be focusing on something far greater than "my problematic me" mental modification. Then I would slip into thought streams and get carried away.  I would wake up in these streams of story and narrative, and I would crawl out,  focusing again on my breath and the robin song....until I slipped again.  The process involved a lot of slipping back into the personal mind and a lot of crawling out into the universal one. 

Bring Your Attention to What is Underneath 

It is all about where we put our attention, right? When I first woke up my attention was on my personal mind, this "little me" and its likes and dislikes, the heaviness that sat on my soul blocking the natural flow of peace, joy, love and bliss. As long as I was focusing on this heaviness, I couldn't see anything else. Consciousness tends to focus on that which is the noisiest...the squeaky wheel. There is nothing noisier, Singer reminds us, than ego with its  hurting heart and  disturbed mind.  That is why it is constantly getting our attention, pulling us away from peace which naturally exists below these mental modifications.  When we focus on ego, consciousness does not see itself there beneath it.  The focus becomes so narrow, so constricted and our life 'experience' becomes the same.  As long as I was focusing on the blob of ego trouble that was sitting on top of  Self, I couldn't see or experience anything beyond ego's heart and mind. This heaviness just sat right there in the middle of my consciousness blocking the view of the spaciousness  that is always there beneath it all. I needed to take my attention of it.

I knew better than to try to stop the mind, beat it off or reprimand it for doing what I asked it to do. I just knew that focusing on it was the problem and removing my attention from it was the answer. Once we remove attention from it...we free souls so the natural flow of who we really are can emerge. We purify the mind, by removing our attention from the veil of personal mind, to get to the purity of Self. 

Hmm! 

All is well in my world. 

The purified mind is no different than the Self.

Rama Krishna

Michael A. Singer ( July 23, 2023) Going Beyond the Distraction of the Ego Mind. https://tou.org/talks/ 

Welcome to "My" Classroom

 Once again...welcome to my house. Come freely; go safely and leave something of the happiness you bring.

Bram Stoker, Dracula

Over 100 readers daily again.  I do not know what is up with that. lol I mention I am back down to zero readers one day and the next I have over 100...mention I have 500 readers another day and the next day down to 1. I am riding the wave,  I guess...up and down...as we do through Life. All good.

Welcome readers, whoever you may be!  I can't see you and I am not sure of your intentions. Not sure if you slipped into the back row of the classroom to hide out or by mistake.  "You mean this isn't Advanced Calculus 101?" (Believe me...I am no math teacher!) Maybe you are looking to gain an "easy credit" and couldn't care less about what I had to say.  Hate to disappoint you...no credits offered here. Or maybe you registered for this course because you liked the title and thought "Man, yeah.  I can get into that!" Regardless, just know that I have no more right to be up here in front of the classroom than you have.  I am more of a student teacher than a full fledged tenured professor. So take whatever I say with a grain of salt.  Ask yourself, "Does that make sense to something inside me?" That is what it is all about, right? You learning from you. If I do anything..I  just point you, I hope, inward. 

Regardless of why you are here, thank you for stopping by. Make yourself at home. 

All is well. 

. 

Get Over Yourself Already!

Until you are done with your relationship with self, you will have no relationship with God. 

Michael A. Singer

Singer tells us, in the below linked video, that when we are so focused on this "me" we think we are, and all its likes and dislikes, this irrational need to give it what it wants,  and figuring out how to control everything "out here" so it can feel safe and okay on the six foot spot of earth it takes up...we are ignoring God.  Wayne Dyer once said that Ego...was an acronym for Edging God Out. And that is what ego tends to do...well what our focus on it does. Because it really isn't the ego's fault...egos will be egos, doing all kinds of silly things...but for some reason our consciousness is staring at this individual ego we created and call "me", with  all its drama as if watching a really bad, but really addictive, soap opera on TV.  We are so glued to this small  screen and what happens to the main  character on it...we don't see everything else that is happening on this planet, or in this universe.  Our idea of an individual  life is that soap opera.  It becomes, "all about me!"  

We are just one of eight billion screens or human lives, one of trillions and trillions other forms of life ...on one small planet in one galaxy of 30 billion.  Come on! How can we be the only thing to focus on? Yet, here we are thinking we are the sun the solar system is rotating around.  How crazy is that?

Now, God...however you see God...created this universe, right?  It had to come from some Source...so yes He/ She /It created us too...but we were not the only things created.  Why do we pray to God as if we were? (If we pray that is).  "Please God make this or that thing turn out this or that way for "me"". If our prayers are answered, we are grateful and our faith in a loving God is strengthened.  If they are not answered to our exact specifications...we feel cheated and see God as an unfair and unkind Source.  Imagine.  We can't seem to see the infinite amount of other things God is taking care of other than us and the space we take up. As if our lives and how they turn out, in the form of circumstances, is all this Great Being has to take care of. Come on! We are here for a blink of an eye in eternity...in comparison to the 4.5 billion years the earth has been around ... 80 years is a pretty short time span, right? It isn't all about "me" and the more we buy into that idea that it is, the farther and farther we get away from God...the less of Life we get to truly experience. 

We need to train our minds, our consciousness, to stop staring at these little selves. We need to redirect the  gaze elsewhere.  Only then will we see and be aware of all the joy and all this sorrow this Life entails...not just for us but for everyone and everything! The moment consciousness stops staring at "me", with all its likes and dislikes, that is freedom from suffering, Trying to appease the "me" is what is causing all our unease with Life.  When we break this addictive and distracting focus, we are free. That is enlightenment!! That is peace. 

Whether we know it on the conceptual level or not, we want a relationship with God.  It is who we are! But we cannot see that beauty and that magnificence behind the wall we built with ego...a wall we keep building, protecting, decorating.  God is and always was behind that wall we are staring at and in order to reconnect, we need to remove the wall.  Singer reminds us that there is only one way to be okay: "Get over yourself!" Our focus on "me" is the wall!

Hmm! Something to think about. 

All is well in my world.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 21, 2023) Getting Real. https://tou.org/talks/

A Little on Shakti

 

If a person realizes his position and stays in his own self, things that are to happen will  happen. Things that are not to happen will not happen. The shakti that is in the world is only one. All these troubles arise if we think we are separate from the shakti.

Ramana Maharshi

What is Shakti? 

Despite their imperfect appearance, ( I look a bit like death on a stick in this one), these videos involve a great impromptu exercise...no preparation, no time to think...Goal: just answer a "deep"  question and answer it within ten minutes. No editing!  The answers and the video quality are never perfect, and either am I as the answerer :) That is a part of the point. It can't be about ego.  Knowing that my readership has gone from 500/day to 0 soothes my still clinging ego a bit. It is all about sharing the learning that comes from the deepest part of me....and not about how I appear as a"me".

All is well

Healthy Desire and Manifesting?

 The universe is full of abundance and opportunity. All we have to do is acknowledge what is available, believe in ourselves and take action. 

Dalai Lama

Is there such thing as healthy desire or healthy manifesting?

Going back to the questions I committed myself to answering over the next little while, I find myself pondering the answer for this one. 

Is there such thing as healthy desire?  We know that desire /preference is the root of all suffering.  We got that, right? Suffering comes when  these individual ideas of self we created  get in the way of Life...It comes from attempting to step up as an ego, a self concept, in an attempt to control something we will never be able to control so it suits us better as these egoic self concepts of "me". Desires are based on attachments and expectation we have about how life should be in order for us to be okay as these "little mes". 

Now with  so called "manifesting" , it is all about the feeling we get when we have these things, right? Not so much about what it is we are trying to manifest.  We are to focus on feeling what it would be like to have these things. For example, it is not the wealth...not even the sense of financial security we get upon the visualization of having the wealth we are trying to manifest ...it is security in general, of having enough,  the feeling of worry free peace...right?  The "wealth" is simply a tool for getting us there, for opening us up to what is inside us.  So what if we just desire...attempt to manifest through visualization..."peace, security, a sense of having and being enough" ...is that healthy?  And then of course we need to realize that  what we want and seek...does not come from  "out there".  Though material wealth may come from the external world..."peace, security, a sense of having enough" is internal...just a matter of tapping into it.  How do we tap into it? We open up.  

How do we open up? Sometimes a pleasant experience like  a sunset  or manifesting wealth may open us up. But the real opening up comes from the effort we put into not closing...not closing when it rains...not closing when we have no money in our external experience. 

Opening up is healthy.  What is unhealthy is being  attached to the thing that opened us up as if it were the magic key.  The real key is not in manifesting pleasant experiences but the willingness to do the work on ourselves so we stay open to what is already inside us and to what is in front of us. The sunset and the wealth are pleasant but insignificant really. There is nothing right or wrong about experiencing them.  Like all things on the material plane...they are impermanent...they will  come and they can go. We can enjoy them but if we become attached to them, seeking them as the source of our happiness and sense of being okay etc...then that can become unhealthy pretty quickly. What happens when it is there time to leave?  If we feel we need them in order to open or stay stay open...if we feel we need to  close when we encounter their polar opposites...rain and poverty...to be okay inside...than that is unhealthy.  

Okay, I write and there is this hope and dream still percolating in me that I am working on diminishing.  I would like to be published. I would like the financial security, the open door to teaching, sharing and connecting  that I assume it will bring me. Why? Because I believe publication will allow me to "make it as a writer". I want that feeling of worry free peace, of accomplishment, of knowing that I am doing what I am here to do, of enthusiasm, joy I still mistakenly believe "making it as a writer"  will give me.  It is the feeling I want...not whether or not some editor somewhere decides to publish my stuff! I don't write for that reason..I don't.  I write because something in me wants to come out on the paper...it is a purely internal motivation...The  remains of the ego still clinging tells me to use it though...use it to get what it wants. Ego says successful writing can bring external things like...money, recognition, opportunity etc.  I don't need those things...I want the feelings of peace and joy I assume having them will bring. "Go the long indirect materialized route to inner satisfaction" lol....is what ego is telling me to do with my writing.  When I simply get joy from writing. Why? Because I am open when I write.  I am open to that amazing flow of Shakti within me Hmm! 

Desire and manifesting  is still confusing for me, as this writer with ego still around.  I wrote my sister's story for the joy of writing it, for her...it was done with internal motivation.  But yesterday I spent grueling hours getting a sample ready to submit...and I don't know if it became an ego thing then or not.  If I am  desiring and attempting to manifest a publication here, is that ego or spiritual?  Is it okay if it is both? My major goal right now...is self realization and the end of suffering I assume it will bring...not publication.  But does that mean, I don't submit, that I don't attempt to publish?  Can the submission process be a part of my practice?  I am learning to detach from outcome.  Once my submission  is out...I let go. That is a great practice. 

But what about if we desire to get beyond these attachments and expectations to whatever we attempt to manifest, to end suffering once and for all?  What if we want to manifest a higher state of being with Source, a realization of true Self.  That is a still a desire isn't it? To me, that is the only healthy desire to pursue.

Hmm! I know I am rambling but this is a question I still need to ponder for a while.

All is well

Life is just wind

 

Life is just wind...

let it blow through.

Don't guard the doorway of  the flimsy  house you built,

 selecting what shall enter and what will not.  

Don't waste your energy fretting over 

which of nature's elements  to allow in 

and which to slam the door on 

in fear of what these winds might do.

Let it all in...

Life is just wind,

let it blow through.

Whether the  fingers tapping at the shutters

belong to  a hurricane, threatening destruction,

or to a soft breeze bringing comfort...  

open up...

let it all in. 

Life is just wind...

let it blow through.

Open the doors to your heart and let Life enter,

let it blow in whatever way it needs to blow,

let it do whatever  it needs to do,

and then watch it leave

taking all the stuffed and stale with it

through the open windows of  acceptance.

Stand there and watch,

stand there and feel all that it brings with it

and all that it takes away.

Let it all in...

Life is just wind...

let it blow through

Bend with it, 

don't tense up  against it,

for it is the branch that resists the wind that breaks.

Refuse to be that branch. Refuse to break. 

Bend. Relax. Allow. 

If Life  brings soothing comfort, 

relax, allow and be grateful,

if it brings pain and destruction, 

relax, allow and be grateful...

take what ever it gives you to God

and it will do the same

with what it takes from you. 

Let it all in...

Life is the wind....

let it blow through.

Let it cleanse away the cobwebs and purify you

Let it blow away the walls of this house you built on sand

if it so needs to...

you are not the dust and debris,

you are not this house you guard so vigilantly .

You are the wind...

let it all in.

Life is the wind...

let it blow through.

Stay open,

so the  wind can blow  right through you.

Allow it to take whatever it needs to take

to get you to God.. 

Let it all in...

An imperfect take on what I heard from the below  podcast. 

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 18, 2023) Turning Resistance to Acceptance. https://tou.org/talks/

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Manifesting Light with Hope

Hope is being able to see there is light despite all of the darkness.

Desmond Tutu

The Lure of Hope

Hmm!  I have gotten to the point of  my learning where I seriously began to question the value and the unwholesome lure of hope in "my" little version of  life.  I have spent my life, until the point where I began to awaken,  addicted to hope.  I spent my moments in my head dreaming and fantasizing about what life would be like for me once I got this or that thing, achieved this or that status or state, was loved by this or that person.  I was so pulled into the visualization, positive affirmation and the manifesting culture.  It was like I was surviving the now by telling myself, "Okay I am not that happy now but I will be, I will be once I....".  

I had "hope" for some something better up there.  It filled me with a certain energy...a certain positive lift. Still, I was caught in one big thought stream about the future. And we know that the future is nothing more than an "idea" right?  The future never comes.  When tomorrow comes it is today! 

Hope is Not a Spiritual Thing 

I heard the great teachers speak about this as an unwholesome  way of "thinking" ...keeping us from experiencing the only Life there truly is....the "now" and it finally sunk in.  I put away my vision boards and my positive thinking sticky notes. I started settling in to...appreciating and honoring "what is" and not asking it to be any more or any different than what it is.  

This is good right?  This is a healthy way to approach Life as a yogi right? 

But...

It did bring peace, for sure. But it, this "accepting what is",  also brought me down into the negative focus  of what was actually happening and unfolding  around me. Life circumstance was challenging.  I mean, I more than accepted it and all the challenges but what was, was dark and heavy, it seemed , with so little light. My energy levels went down with this focus on this challenging "now".  There seems to be, without hope, no end to this challenge and dark time. So, as I accept and find peace with what is...my energy levels are low.  This "me" that is still around experiencing this...is lacking in the energy, enthusiasm, light, fun, bliss that hope once brought.  The thoughts are negative. This "now",  as necessary and beautiful as it is in its challenges and difficulties,  is not "fun".  I am not "enjoying" it.

 Hope , though it was actually more of  an ego mind game, an escape from this moment and what was, taking me to some future fantasy that never truly existed...did put a little "zip" into my day to day experience. It lifted me from low energy into a light that was "up there somewhere". It took my thoughts from the negative to the positive.  Focusing on the things I mistakenly thought would be responsible for my happiness, allowed me to experience happiness even if it was only fantasy based.  I mean, I know the cause for happiness and unhappiness is internal not external!  That it is all about whether I am opening or closing  but for some reason when I looked at the house with glass windows on the ocean shore that I pasted on a vision board...I opened. It was easier to open.  I felt happy!  It is not the house that I wanted or needed.  It is the happiness...that sense of being okay where I was...of being fulfilled, at ease...the opening up experience ...that I want and need. Hope about being able to manifest happiness into my life, regardless of what  is truly opening or keeping my heart open, allows for an opening to more positive energy. When I continuously stare at what is...which is for me right now...mostly dark and challenging ( that is the reality  of my life situation),  my focus is negative, my energy is downcast and negative. I need to raise that focus, lift my eyes to a light that I can't quite see right now.  That is where hope comes in. For the longest time, I felt there was something wrong with me for feeling the way I felt without hope.  Wanting to be a true yogi, I repressed and suppressed my desire for hope in my life! 

So can hope serve a purpose for the yogi who realizes that the only Life is happening right here, right now? 

Michael A. Singer in the below linked podcast tells us it does.  He mentions that hope , at a certain beginning level of our awakening, can lift us from negative focus to positive focus. A positive focus is always more wholesome than a negative focus. ...hopes and dreams are not spiritual but they are better than negative thinking. So we can use hope and our dreams of manifesting something better in difficult times to lift the energetic focus and rise above the negativity.  Once we are established there, we won't need hope any more.  We simply learn to accept, appreciate and relax into what is. 

The Cautious Use of Hope

The point to remember though, is not to get so attached to hope and a future focus that we are following the ego away from "what is" or from Self again.  Yes,  hope serves a purpose in the unevolved mind of bringing us from negativity to a certain energetic positivity.  It allows consciousness to focus upward instead of downward. It can help to open us a bit...but it is only a temporary remedy. Like the pain medication one takes  so they can find enough relief to get back to the business of living, we can use hope to get back to the business of awakening. One doesn't want to get addicted to that pain medication, though,  and start living for it! One doesn't want to become addicted to hope.  It is a temporary fix only!

Hmm! I feel this tremendous relief knowing that I do not have to stay focused on this darkness of my present situation.  I see it, I accept it, I embrace it for all that it gives me but it is okay if I look ahead a bit to where there might be a bit more light.  I will every now and again think about  that house on the ocean....or see myself doing a book signing for a recent publication...or standing on a stage sharing all this learning with others, for teh feeling it gives me, knowing full well that the actual thing I want may never materialize.  That is okay...if it is ego derived I don't want it to happen. What will materialize with my awakening...is that feeling of peace, joy, enthusiasm, love and wholeness I get when I see myself there.  That open heart and being is what I truly hope to manifest!  That is where the light comes from. 

All is well.

Michael. A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 16, 2023) Giving Great Meaning to Every Event. https://tou.org/talks/

Hooked on "It is all about Me"

 Transcendence gets you beyond ego. If you go beyond ego, you see this all in a more decent perspective and you start to put the pieces together.  We haven't done that yet. Not as a civilization.

Edgar Mitchell

As an astronaut, Mitchell saw first hand what Michael Singer often uses to bring us back to reality: the vastness of the universe and how small we are in it. Our ego and all the problems it creates in its attempt to bring everything back to "me, my, and mine" is statistically insignificant in the big scheme of things.  Mitchell saw that clearly when he was in outer space returning form the moon and looking down at the little blue planet we call earth. It was his moment of awakening from this addictive focus so many of us are trapped in, a focus on "little me"  and its likes and dislikes at the exclusion of all other things. 

Our consciousness, which is so great and so expansive, becomes contracted and small when we focus it on our petty egos.We begin to believe we are this ego and nothing more...that everything is about "me" ...when there is so much more besides us to focus on. When we stare at ego we diminish what our consciousness can do.  We can learn to stop focusing on it ...we can learn to focus on something greater: What is and the source of what is?   That is our purpose in life: to experience each moment that unfolds in front of our body's and minds, accepting them, appreciating them and loving it all unconditionally.  We can only do that if we focus beyond what ego wants us to focus on and see how God is experiencing each moment through our consciousness. It is not about "me" or ego, it is about God.

All is well in my world

Michael. A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 16, 2023) Giving Great Meaning to Every Event. https://tou.org/talks

Manifesting to a Yogi

 But when from the depths of his heart, man desires something more lasting than wealth, something more real than material power, the wave will recede. Then peace will come, joy will come, light will come. 

Meher Baba

Starting to answer the questions asked a few entries ago. Imperfect for sure but there is an answer in there somewhere.

All is well.

Purest Service?

 What is the purest service?  When one knows they cannot serve God and man [ego] at same time...just serve the God in every being.

Ram Dass ( somewhat paraphrased)

The podcast below is speaking mostly to serving the God in every man...be they a thriving capitalist or a starving refuge, an inmate  accused and strongly sentenced for a mild crime or the accuser ( individual and collective), the political activist trying to change the status quo or those identified with and invested in  the status quo, and in those enlightened beings or those far from evolved ones. I like to extend that idea of service to all beings and all things. God is everywhere, right?

I  want to serve humanity for sure.  We do that best by taming our minds and our reactivity, putting away our judgements and preferences and simply recognizing the God in everyone. 

I want to take this approach to all beings. My crows are back with their young and it it is such a pleasure to serve them.  They attempt to wake me up each morning by squawking and cawing outside my window...(yes, they know which window is mine). I will sometimes oblige them then and other times I won't depending on how badly I need the sleep. When I do feed them...either because they are out there waiting or I call them...it is a joy to serve with just a few cat food kibbles and to watch them collect my meager offerings.  There is one of the parents I seem particularly connected to...was here before he/she mated and had a family.  Well after feeding time is over and the others are gone, I will sit outside and this crow will sit very, very close to me on the wire above my head and we will just sit there together for quite a while.  (Was close to an hour last evening).  It is so cool.  I see and serve  the God in this crow and he/she, with their presence, sees and serves the God in me. 

All is well.

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now Network ( 2017?) Ram Dass Here and Now-Episode 13- Fast Forward https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4wJttWjJkA

The Ego is Not a Guru!

 

The ego cannot be your spiritual advisor.

Michael A. Singer

I often write about this and ask myself and others this question: "Who is asking this of you: Spirit or ego?" Before you give into  an inclination to act, speak or simply plan in your head...ask yourself who is doing the asking. Is it your "little me", your ego mind, your concept of a personal self wanting you to use this body for something or the deeper I, the intellectual mind, and this that exists beneath the personal mind you created? 

Singer reminds us in the below linked podcast that there is a big difference between the personal mind and the intellectual mind, between what you, as an idea of "me, my and mine",  wants and what God wants. 

The personal mind, yet to be purified, is clouded with the root of all suffering:  preference.  The intellectual mind is pure...offering an open door for the  bodies we are in to express it through our inspiration and creativity. When we operate from it we are taken to a higher place of beauty, joy, love.  We recognize our Oneness in everything and we accept and embrace what is.  There is nothing we have to "do". When we operate from ego mind we are constantly grasping  or pushing away...struggling to make the world suit our egos.  Following ego's mixed up directions as to what we should do in order to be okay to our own peril. We are anxious, stressed, unhappy opening and closing our hearts to the beauty of Life. We suffer!

So why do we have a personal mind, an ego mind?  

We created it. We, as a piece of consciousness,  decided to look down at our bodies and everything going on within them . We got so focused on them we became addicted. This addicted focus led to the creation of an ego mind whose purpose was to protect this thing we were focusing on. ..making it feel okay by selecting and deciding what things "out here" would keep it safe and what things wouldn't. It takes so much energy, effort, focus to make the "me" okay. We got so lost in doing that we forgot that we weren't this thing we were in...simply borrowing it for the time being so God, consciousness could experience itself through it.  We forgot who we were and eventually the veil of ego mind became so thick we couldn't see through it. We became, in our minds only, the "me". We then make most of our choices based on what ego says.It often drowns out  the higher voice within us.

Hmm! We focus on ego and its neediness...99% of our thoughts are related to this "Me, my, and mine".  We focus on those thoughts and obey them to our own peril.  It is an addiction.  Ego is an addiction. To stop suffering we need to get through the veil of ego mind to who we really are. 

Ego cannot guide us to true lasting peace and happiness.  It can only make us crazy! If the choices we make serve the ego, we are going to suffer.

We remove ego's addictive hold over us  by becoming aware of it  as the problem. Then we watch our preferences and observe how they do not serve us. We relax into Life, accepting it for what it is  without the need to make it different. We seek to go deeper beyond preference, beyond the ego to who we really are. We make our choices from there. If it doesn't serve the ego, what we do will serve the spirit, the true Self.  And that is the way to true peace, happiness and Love.

All is well.

Michael A, Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 13, 2023) Growing Through the Layers of Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

In the Absence of Signs and Wonders

 So Jesus said to them, "Unless ye see signs and wonders you will not believe."

John 4:48 ESV

Another question was asked to me by someone who calls themself an annihilist. The question was in regard to my practice and belief that it is the way to go.  She has been watching me practice everyday and was looking for a good debate.  Part of her, I also see, is looking for more than scientific skepticism. She wants a little bit of what I am seeking but her analytical and protective mind needs proof. 

"How do you know this is the way to go? How do you know there is something beyond the body? Beyond form when it cannot be proven scientifically? " 

She asked me the question and I realized I didn't know how to answer.  I started by answering with the things I picked up from others: " Science is not developed enough to measure the unseen...so it cannot prove that it does not exist ."

"Yes...I know that just because it has not been proven yet to be true doesn't mean it isn't true but how do you know it is true?"

"It is an internal thing, not an external thing. Well Yogis have been looking into this for over 5000 years and came up with these realizations through inner practice's. They went beyond the body and mind to discover what was there. So and so said..." 

That didn't feel right and she quickly referred me back to the question...

"How do you know? "

"Well...it isn't about knowing conceptually...it is about feeling and experiencing it. I have had glimpses of the sense of experiencing and being in this truth rather than knowing it so I take this path."

She countered, "This peace you felt. How do you know it just wasn't a biological processing of the nervous system and little to do with the thing you are looking for? How do you know there is something beyond biology at play here?"

I referred her back to the who is watching inside the body question..."Who is observing all that is going on, all that we are thinking and feeling? Who is witnessing the body and its processes? "

She countered with "The brain...the brain is watching." She told me the mind was only a part of the brain and therefore physical.

I ask her where  thought and feeling are found in the  brain on dissection?

She said she didn't know but told me Petscans will show how the brain is wired and the electrical currents that take place when thoughts happen.  Again, she argued to it all being biological.

I agreed that there is amazing biological and miraculous processes going on inside the body. "Who or what  is responsible for them?"

Again she went back to biology and evolution...darwinian theory. "It's nature. Survival of the fittest and we, as body, evolve to these amazing capabilities.  There are no "miracles"...all things on this planet do the same...adapt for survival reasons. "

I tried the dream thing..."Well you do know that when you are sleeping you are still there even though in deep sleep there is nothing but emptiness but you know you were there.  Who was there when there was nothing...when senses and body were shut off? Consciousness survived the nothingness."

She told me that the brain is just physiologically wired to shut off so the body can sleep. Biology again.

And the debate went on and on.  The whole time I was answering her it didn't feel right. My answers felt untrue to the deeper part of me. They were ego answers and regurgitation of other thought.  I mean I know without doubt in my heart this is the way to go but I couldn't seem to explain why. That bothered me.

I eventually told her I could not argue this or even explain it really. "The knowing is not conceptual.  I just know.  When you are ready you will someday know too. "

We ended the debate there but it really left me thinking. "How do I know all this I have yet to fully experience to be true ?"

I have to let that question percolate in me too.  

Serendipity brought the below linked video to me where Ram Dass talked about this knowing beyond what science can prove, this knowing that there is something there beyond our physical plane of existence...beyond form. There are miracles and sometimes we need to see those miracles before we believe.  I wish for a miracle to show up in front of this person so she would know too. 

All is well. 

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now Network ( August 29, 2016) Episode 11- letting it all go.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoqDKsTA5GI

Thinking About the Highest Life

 The highest life you can live is when every moment that passes by you is better off becaus eit did.

Michael A. Singer

Thinking about a lot of things lately and am trying to bring those thoughts together. I have been thinking about this idea of "manifesting" and what it really means to a yogi. I have been thinking about desire and the lack of. I have been thinking about the need to accept and appreciate what is here and now.  I have been thinking about suffering and freedom from.  I have been thinking about yoga...true yoga.  I have been thinking about love...true love. I have been thinking about shakti. Hmm!

Well crazy lady how are you going to bring all that together? 

I am not sure how I am going to bring those questions/ideas all together. The quote above somehow says it all...they are all about serving the moment that unfolds in front of us, instead of seeking to be served by it.  I will trust that the universe has been assisting me with that realization by  what has shown up for me to listen to, read, and study, as well as the    life experiences it gave me to examine,  in the last few days. There seems to be an element of serendipity beneath all this that I can not quite  understand completely . I have been listening to Michael Singer and Eckhart Tolle; finishing off reading the Autobiography of a Yogi and listening to/ reading Ram Dass on the Here and Now Network and in his autobiography Remember Be Here Now.  I have been feeling the pull downward as those around me express their pain and I have been feeling the rush of relief and peace when they express their enthusiasm about whatever.  I have felt the rain and I have felt the sunlight (if only for a day lol).  I have experienced the heaviness of illness and the lift of energy when I felt better.  I have been consumed by "sloth and torpor"where nothing seemed to get "done"  and then hit with this energetic productivity yesterday where so much got done so easily. I experienced closing and I experienced being open. Yeah...there was a lot of teaching in the last few days. Well,  there is a lot of teaching everyday if we are open to it.

I think what I will do is create  questions based on those ideas and do my best to answer each one over time. I will just come back to them over the course of the next few days and see what I come up with.  (I may even  answer them in more depth  on videos later on).

Questions: 

• What does the idea of "manifesting" mean to a yogi?
• Is there any such thing as healthy desire or health manifesting?
• Is it important to accept and appreciate one's present circumstances even if they are very challenging or unwholesome?
• Is thinking about a future dream or goal really that problematic?
• Does freedom from suffering ever involve making physical changes to our present situations?
• Will I ever experience the true meaning of yoga? How do I teach yoga beyond the mat?
•  How important is romantic love to a yogi?
• What can one do to get that shakti to flow better? 

It feels funny to leave here with unanswered questions.  Mind...my mind especially, likes answers. But I think it is important sometimes to just sit with questions, to get beyond the minds tendency  to try to answer them right away conceptually.  Maybe if I just let them stew in here ...percolate...the answers I come up with will come from a deeper place. You think?

All is well.

Embodying the Unconditioned Consciousness

Greatness it to embody the unconditioned consciousness in this life time. 

Eckhart Tolle

I listened to the below interview with Eckhart Tolle this morning as part of my Sadhana.  I usually incorporate an idea of what I listen to, together  with what is going on in my head and  heart at the time, and I write my entry based on that. It is like panning for gold...one dips in then shakes the pan around looking for glittering stuff in the strainer. Collecting that which glitters and catches my attention, I put the other stuff back.

There were so many tid bits of wisdom in this interview.  It seemed like the whole strainer was golden and resonating with heart and head in this moment...so I found it challenging to leave much of it behind. 

This is what I got from the interview (Mostly a review of many of Tolle's teachings) :

• Life situations exist in time...Life itself exists in now
• In the present moment, the problem cannot survive
• suffering is resistance of the moment as it is...
• positive surrender is an uncompromising "yes" to the present moment, to what is...
• the ego loves to argue with what is
• what we call future is just an extension of our state of consciousness
• have to be aware of what your state of consciousness is  in which you face any situation
• Love is the recognition of Oneness...to recognize yourself in the other
• Without access to the vertical dimension nothing can satisfy you on the horizontal 
• when you are present "right action" arises spontaneously
• the power of now is the power of consciousness beyond the ego
• In the law of attraction...the number one habit that blocks it...is ...coming from a place of scarcity and neediness
• need to acknowledge abundance that is already here and now...appreciation...rather than focus on what we don't have.
• Appreciate the goodness of life that is already all around you
• the sun is the ultimate symbol of abundance...pouring out energy continuously never asking for even a thank you
• ...the universe is infinitely abundant
• when you notice something desirable do not ask "Why can I not have that?",,,just appreciate that it is in your sensory perceptions
• be thankful for the flow of life in you...made me think of Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching on the conditions for happiness
• Acknowledge the good things in life
• to own is secondary...there is something more important
• write down what you are grateful for each day.  I learned through my course at The School of Positive Transformation that research shows it is better to only focus on 1-3 things to be grateful for a  day 
• Kindness and giving genuinely (not out of obligation or to create an ego image) can help us to manifest and simply live happier lives
• Believe that you already have what you want and it will be given to you. How will it feel to have those things?...
• By focusing on the feeling of fullness you will manifest a feeling of fullness of life...of completeness
• Sometimes what you want to manifest will not manifest in the way ego wants...but the joy of coming from a place of fullness...feeling as if we have all we need and want ....will enrich our lives. 
• there is a glimmer of consciousness in everything, even in inanimate things ...so even material objects will tend to appreciate us and take care of us if we appreciate them and take care of them...
• Do not make it an ego thing...just appreciate the material things you have...like this computer...my tea pot,,,my phone and kindle 
• Make sure what you want is not what ego is seeking to enhance itself with...if it is an egoic endeavor it won't make you happy, at least not for long
• To the ego...nothing is ever enough
• Happiness can only happen if you are aligned with the present moment
• Realize you are consciousness...you are the universe realizing itself as consciousness
• Realize what you are not...the ego
• Changing the world will happen naturally and spontaneously once we wake up 
• Greatness is to fulfill your purpose by being apart of the evolving consciousness...
• The way you experience the world is always a reflection of your consciousness
• Realize the possibility of living without the suffering of the human mind in the way...We can do that with radical acceptance of the isness of now...

I know this isn't very creative but these truths are perfect as they are. Please watch the below video and be sure to show your appreciation to Lewis Howe for sharing it!

All is well

 Lewis Howes (July, 2023) Eckhart Tolle with Three Deadly Habits...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jPOkbLih1c

In the Midst of it All

 Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all.

The Buddha

I want to be like a giant tree. Man what would it feel like just to be able to rest in what is...not worrying about anything just standing there solid, stable , flexible in the midst of all the comings and goings?  Clinging to none of it.  Pushing away none of it. Just embracing everything as the amazing experience it is. 

Anyway, working on it!

All is well. 

The Energy Inside

The yogi's entire path is inside and the path is these energies..

Michael A. Singer

 I woke up this morning thinking about vibrational energy. More or less confined to bed yesterday because of a rough night with abdominal pain and subsequent dehydration ( I did get to the root of the pain I was experiencing over the last year in my left upper quadrant though),   I was listening to Ram Dass speak about energy.  

All we see and experience is energy vibrating at different rates.  Our thoughts are energy that vibrate faster than light so we cannot yet measure them with our gadgets in a lab...feelings are even faster.  In thoughts and emotions we have energies that are heavier bringing us "down"...meaning that when our consciousness follows them , It stays in the low energy vibration. There is a perceived absence of  light. We will then feel "low", physically  and mentally. And we have energies that are lighter bringing us "up"...when consciousness follows them and stays with those things we are vibrating at higher level. There is the experience  of light and "lightness"/ease. 

I obviously by my rambles about the dark night and malingering malignant moods , have been vibrating at the lower energy levels. The people around me are vibrating at that low energy level.  The whole house seems to be full of this low energy....thus my desire to escape it as if it were the cause of my experience of  low energy. It seems that this low energy state is impacting not only my mental health but my physical. I have had the experience of being physically incapacitated twice in as many weeks. It is so heavy!

Anyway, I awoke this morning with an intention to better understand vibrational energy in order to  lift the energy levels up in me and in this house.  In an attempt to lift the energy within me a bit, both for my sake and the sake of others around me, I began by doing  two guided meditations designed to lift vibrational energy.  Then I went to the "studying" component of my daily sadhana and opened up the Sunday talk from Michael A. Singer.  Guess what he was talking about? Energies.  Again there are the guiding hands of serendipity and synchronicity at play.

The funny thing was that I was thinking about how I could lift the vibrations externally.  Should I leave the house for a while?  Should I go out in the wilderness like a survivalists and consort with nature  in the purest of ways?  Should I simply sage my house? Maybe Fung shui it (or just clean it and get rid of junk)? Should I put the positive energy music  on throughout the day  like I used to?  Should I focus my thoughts on positive things?  Should I create a dreamboard of some kind so my vision and senses are focused on what is achieved at higher levels? Where can I go or what can I do to get the experience of more sunlight ( like it has been raining here with mostly persistent cloud cover for almost a month)?  What can I add to my life?  What can I get rid of? 

So I was thinking of all that when I opened up the podcast. I was beautifully reminded, however, that working with energy is purely an inside game.  It is not a game of choosing and selecting energy experiences "out there" that will improve our energy "in here"; it is not about grasping, clinging and pushing away;  and it is not about suppressing energy in the  name of "spirituality".  It is simply about letting the energies, in whatever form they are in, to just be...to come up to our conscious awareness when they are ready to do so, so we can "experience" them fully and then we let them go.  When I use thought to organize and control my energies, as I have been attempting to do,  I am not doing the yogic thing. All thought patterns are attempting to get [and keep] these energies together but the yogi doesn't get it together...they just let it all go. 

Hmm!  I will let the energies be and remain open to them coming up to my conscious awareness more fully. I might still sage the house though.  Even if all that does is get rid of the smell of wet dog. 

All is well 

Michael A. Singer /Temple of the Universe ( July 9,2023) Working With Your Inner Energies. https://tou.org/talks

Surviving

 To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Have this image of me as a survivalist on a mission to survive, and thrive in the uncharted forest of Yogananda's  "malingering malignant moods," or "the dark night of the soul".  

Alone

I am watching Alone,  a Netflix series about ten nature survivalists in this country's  borderline  artic, competing to see who is able to stick it out the longest in the harsh conditions they are encountering. They are encountering so many challenges from starvation to shelters catching on fire, from injury to loneliness.  What is needed beyond their survivalist know-how is a mental stamina, an ability to  fall back into their peaceful, calm centers no matter what happens "out there". I see many evolved beings on this program...those who have great connection and reverence for the environment and the other beings in it; those that have these non reactive mind spaces, (they seem to know how ego reaction would be detrimental to their physical survival ...they experience the emotion related to a setback and they so quickly let it go); and those that accept reality exactly as it is. I also see those who are so grateful for any tiny blessing that comes their way, whether it be a batch of berries they run across or a rabbit they are able to snare. Many feel great remorse for killing or harming anything  and express this remorse with their deep reverence and appreciation for the life they took. I also like that some speak about how being out there in the wilderness is much easier than struggling in the busy worlds they came from.  Something to be said about that. 

Surviving?

Anyway, as I am reminded of the challenges I am encountering now in this forest of "malingering malignant moods" (Mine and  those of the other beings in this forest...my present living situation)...I see myself as a survivalist. Though my circumstances are much better than those on the show,  I feel I am journeying through a dark night.  It is like I am stripped bare of all the things others seem to take for granted...moments of ease, lightness, distractions in the form of  fun and excitement, hope, a bit of abundance, happiness, laughter, entertainment, joy....as well as old tendencies and defenses I once used to get by with. ) My mission is merely to survive this because I know there is a great award waiting if I do...freedom from suffering. 

The Challenge

Like all the other 8 billion contestants,  I was plopped down on a specific  area on this globe for reasons I do not understand, an area with its own set of circumstances to endure,  and it is my job to make the best of where I landed and what I am given  in terms of both bounty and challenge.I am met with so many challenges in a day...many  minor, many not. I feel myself as "me" starving and wasting away as I get through everyday, (which is a good thing...we want to shed the excess weight  of"me" ... so the deeper Self can be experienced, right?). I continue to build and maintain my shelter ( my practice) amidst the harsh conditions ( a busy world that doesn't want to let me practice, it seems...so much other things to do just to get by) . Though I know it is an inner game, I hunt for any bit of light and blessing and peace and love  I can find "out there" to supplement teh growth occurring internally,  but the land seems barren, offering only tiny bits of what I am looking for. I am so appreciative, down on my knees appreciative, when I find these blessings to consume,  or when there is even a short reprieve from having to deal with the many challenges.  I feel great appreciation when  I find even a glimpse of what I am looking for but have to struggle to stay in my center when I don't. I am constantly dealing with the shelter issues, the food issues, my own body's demand for more, wild things I cannot control, the weather etc.  It seems that if things can go wrong, they go wrong again and again and again.  It is exhausting to have to deal with one thing after another all the time . On top of that I have to deal with a line of  suffering others who show up at my door. I want to feed and provide shelter for them,  but  for  reasons beyond what I can understand or control, they fight me. At the same time, I am weak and starving, barely getting by with so little resources to share but I give what I have to others before I feed myself.  That is not a true survivalist technique. Am I failing?

Failing?

 I feel like I am running out of the energy to deal with all this. I feel very much alone, yet I can't be alone.  I want to give up. The sky  is constantly dark and cloudy overhead and I tell myself if I could just experience  a bit of sun, just a bit more than what I am experiencing, it would motivate me more to keep going. Not finding the sun "out there"...I try to find it in my heart. Aditya Hridayam punyam sarv shatru bena shenam. 

Internal Reserves Versus External Challenge

I am constantly trying to build up  internal reserves. I fear, however, that the external demands out weigh my internal reserves at this point. It is tough. Yet, I am determined not to tap out! I tell myself I just have to hang on and muster through this dark night. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. If I keep practicing, it will get better inside me soon so it won't matter what happens out there. Sigh!

Be Prepared for the Moments of Weakness

That sounds so depressing, doesn't it? Not my intention to depress but to express what it feels like to be where I am at this part of the journey. I want to prepare you for what might happen as you progress on this journey. Just like the contestants report how after all the warnings they got about what it would be like out there before they took on the challenge,   no one ever told them about the "weakness" they would experience. It came as a shock to them.  There is a weakness we may experience as we make our way through the dark night of the soul.  It is best to be prepared for it when it comes so it doesn't overwhelm you.  I was a bit overwhelmed at first but am getting used to it now. :) 

From Striving to Thriving

So I keep going. I am surviving.  Soon, I am confident, I will be able to say I am thriving.

All is well.  

Doing "Right" with What Life Gives Us

 

What is given to us in this life time doesn't matter as much as what we do with it. 
Jack Kornfield

I always wonder if I am doing enough with all these challenging circumstances Life has handed me. I wonder if I am doing it "right" in terms of the eight fold path. I really I wondered that, through an experience I had a few evenings ago,  even though rationally I know I cannot fix other people or change their destiny.  I can support and encourage and be present but I cannot change anyone.  I know the only person I can control and work on is me. Working on me is all about letting go of "me" and its desire for things to be different than they are. I offer my best to the other when I am not in ego reactivity mode. 

I keep hitting this situation with this one individual where it is never enough or never "right" in the way I support and give in their time of need. ...according to them.  Of course, it is true. I am making oodles of mistakes, even judging and reacting some but I do not, no matter how much I reflect, see my reaction in the way they say it is. They spend so much time and energy, when they are at the point of their emotional nose dive, trying to convince me, themself  and anyone else who will listen about how unsupportive, judgemental, defensive  and uncaring I am being.  When they are calm and have let go of the grievances held against me for how "poorly I supported them in the time of need"...I couldn't be more loving...again, according to them. 

 

So anyway...I do not pray for Life to give me something different in this relationship challenge it has offered me. I don't pray that Life make this easier on "me" ( well, at least not often lol). Who is "me"? I do pray for the other person's recovery whole heartedly and I pray to stay open as much as possible as they progress on their journey ...to do "right" with this. 

It is challenging for this person that I am, who still many times gets distracted by my own stored mind stuff, these feelings inside "me",  and with what Life seems to be unfolding in front of me to stay open.  It is challenging not to feel these attacks and challenges  as "personal". Still I try to depersonalize it...to experience what is happening, not as  egoic "me" but as deeper Self. Individuals, still in the height of ego identificaton...so distracted by the mess in their own heads that they identify with it and can not see anything or anyone else, don't like when I attempt ( albeit imperfectly and often unsuccessfully) to put away my own ego.  Every attempt I make to fall back away from the drama of the situation and into the seat of the Witness so I can stay clear, calm and loving enough to handle it,  is seen as a shutting down and coldness by a certain other. 

"You are shutting down!" is the observed complaint. It is true. I need to detach somewhat so I do not react.  It wouldn't be possible to stay in those volatile situations if I didn't...but  "I am" there, so I assume, in the best way a person could be there. "Me" may be shut off to some degree but the Wiser part of me is there. They don't want the "Deeper I"  at that time...though...they want my ego encouraging the melodrama. They want an ego to ego interaction. My lack of reactivity is seen as coldness.  Hmm!

Upon listening deeply, I understand the pain, the emotions and the thought process  of this individual.  I do.  I see the pain. I don't, however,  obviously understand the behaviour of this person and the choices they make  which they stress are a part of who they are and that others should just be okay with them. Anyone who doesn't sit with them as a target  while they are more or less being what would be described as "abusive" is "abandoning  them in the moment of pain". Anyone who doesn't whole heartedly empathize or agree with their version of reality , is "judging" them. When one attempts to add a different perspective to their expressed reality or at least make them aware that that is not what we are thinking as they accuse us of feeling a certain way...we again are not validating, judging, not accepting them for who they are. When one kindly and calmly creates physical distance during the volatile episodes, one is accused of being responsible for  making the emotions spiral even more out of control and for any physical harm done to this person  or other ( usually property) during the explosive emotional outbursts.  There is absolutely no accountability, no responsibility at the time because they honestly believe  "I can't help it. I can't control my emotions so I can't control my behaviour.  It is who I am and you should just accept me and everything I do because of it. I am in pain. Can't you see, I am in pain. You have to help me. Give me what I  need. If you don't give me what I need...if you don't validate my pain in the exact way I need you to...the pain will get worse. I will have no choice then  but to "do" something that will hurt me or property. " They honestly believe that. 

The expression of this belief  is so convincing, that if one on the other side of these interactions  is not absolutely careful, they will come to believe they are responsible for any harm the individual inflicts on self and property. That they are responsible for the pain spiral, for the person's emotional well being, for their life.  It is very easy to get distracted by and drawn into this ego identification of the person expressing pain in this way. 

It is so true...the pain is real!! The intensity of the emotion... the quick escalation of it...is so real.  It must be terrifying for the person experiencing it.  It kills me to see this beautiful vibrant person be consumed by this pain when it is triggered.   Yet , I seem to see beyond teh pain.  I believe from observation, this monster inside them is also being internally and unknowingly  fed by the person as they are escalating. As I have been sitting through these experiences attempting to use my intellectual mind, rather than my personal mind (yes...when personal mind comes in there is judgement and defensiveness on my part), to observe where the feeding hand is coming from.  Where is that obscure  line between the trigger and the emergence of the  pain experience, between the pain at say four on the scale to the pain that is reported to be well over ten, and between the ability to control and the lack of?  I am trying to decipher what the person has control of during these experience and what they don't. I intuitively believe there is an element of control that the person is refusing to explore. That distinction seems so crucial.  This believing "I have no control over this" is creating more problems than necessary.  I want them to see there is an element of control but accepting that, may mean taking responsibility and accountability for past actions which would open up a pandora's box of guilt and shame giving them even more pain to deal with. It would also, however, be  the key to healing.  I want this person to recognize that this "disorder", this  "illness" is not who they are...it is just something they have.  Though it causes a great deal of pain, it does not have to cost them their life. The resistance of pain is obvious a big issue here. 

Oh wow! See what I am doing here?  I am "wanting" something for another person...(not only for them but for me as well.  I do feel better when they are not having pain episodes.  I do.  I feel "relief".  It makes my so called life easier.) But  I cannot fix this other person.  How dare I think I can.  It has nothing to do with "me". ( And again, who is "me"?) Their life, their journey...not mine. They are where they are and my job is to simply love them where they are.  Right now our relationship  is challenging but this challenge can help me to grow .  I can continue to work on "me"...the only thing that will really matter in the long run...so I stay open, accepting, present and loving with this person and all persons in my life. 

More importantly, however, I see how my wanting is taking me away from accepting what is right now. Right now what I think and perceive and yes still "judge" about this other person's experience means absolutely nothing in the big scheme of things. It is "statistically insignificant" .  My worry and concern over  my well being as I relate...." statistically insignificant." My worry and concern over their well being..."statistically insignificant" .   Our relationship....statistically insignificant.  Our life spans on this planet that has been going on for 4.5 billion years...statistically insignificant.  

So this relationship challenge, this observation of pain in another, is what Life has given "me". It isn't important.  What is important is what I do with it.  What do I do with it?  I keep working on going deeper, staying deeper, staying in my calm center refusing to get disturbed by any of it.  Maybe, just maybe, if I can stay there...suffering others around me will learn to find that calm center within themselves. 

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the  Universe ( July 6, 2023) Letting Go-The Path from Distraction to Liberation. https://tou.org/talks/

I am

 I am without form, without limit.

I am beyond space, beyond time.

I am in everything.  Everything is in me.

I am the bliss of the universe...

everywhere am I.

I am existence absolute,

knowledge absolute

bliss absolute.

I am that.

I am.

Swami Rama Tirtha

Ram Dass/ Be Here and Now Network ( 2017?) Ram Dass Here Now-Episode 7-The Veil. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afULqyFWPC4

Concentrating on the Witness

 Om mani padme hum...

I am the jewel in the lotus

Buddhist mantra

This is a lovely mantra that Ram Dass shared in the below linked podcast.  He explains that its recitation  is giving reverence to the part of Om that rests in the heart.  I like that. It's translated  meaning, I discovered,  has been highly debated over the years.  I have read the many translations and have taken it upon myself to choose this one: I am the jewel in the lotus.  Of course by "I am", I am not referring to little "me" but to who I am at the deepest level, who we all are at the deepest level...to that consciousness and Source we share. Hmm! I just love the sound of this mantra and how it makes me feel. 

Anyway...traditionally this mantra was not supposed to be passed down to non-buddhist and that floors me.  Of all religions, I thought Buddhism was  the less secular and exclusive? If the motivation for using it is pure...the desire for truth and Self realization...shouldn't anyone be able to use it?  Of course, one could use whatever words they wanted in their mantras in whatever language they pleased, couldn't they?  Just words! But the sound of Om and hum are divine sounds that no words could compare to. That is why mantras like these are special.  I mean no disrespect to any ordained buddhist but I will continue to use it. Something tells me that the Buddha wouldn't mind. (Of course, I don't know anything.)

Rent-a-Body; Rent-a-Mind

In the below video, Ram Dass also spoke about the veil that arises to cover the True Self...the Atman...from our attention.  He spoke about how we get so identified with and "fascinated" by external things like bodies, thoughts, feelings and the going ons "out there" that we forget who we really are. He used the analogy of the rent- a -body and rent - a- mind we are driving around in.  Body and mind  are just vehicles and tools we are to use while here...we can't take them with us... but we have become so "fascinated" or identified with them we see them as who we are.  We become frightened over the prospect of losing the body to physical death, or losing  the concept of who we have come to believe we are to truth. He reminded us that we do not become frightened when we leave our cars even if that car is going over a cliff ( as long as we are not in it). We are not our cars, not our bodies and not our thoughts, ideas, beliefs etc. We really do not need to be frightened by Life.

Hmm! Once we wake up to the truth of who we are we will no longer be afraid of dying physically or mentally. Patanjali offered us a process for waking up.  Single focused concentration  is part of that (dharana) and a mantra like the one above can be the thing we focus on. We can focus on  a candle flame or breath.   We can use a mala etc but the thing is we are trying to bring something between the distracted subject and the objects of the experience,  so we are not lost in this over identification with mind stuff.  We have to look at the mind as a drunk monkey who just got bit by a scorpion. (Swami Vivekananda) This mind needs to be calmed down and focus can help us to do that. Our goal with dharana is to bring the focus back away from that object we ae focusing on, to that which is doing the focusing....  on witness consciousness.  Once we create distance between what we are sensing and the one that is sensing, aware taht we are not what we are sensing...we are on our way. This will eventually take us to samadhi and true merger...where we realize that who we truly are is one with everything.

I am at the point where I am still busy trying to sober this monkey up and to soothe the sting of the scorpion bite. :)  I do not imagine I will get to the point where I realize I am completely one with everything any time soon, if at all,  but if I can at least remove any scruples I have about change or diminish the fear of death, I will be more than alright.

I have no scruple of change or fear of death.  I was never born nor had I parents.

Swami Rama Tirtha

All is well in my world.

Ram Dass/ Be Here and Now Network ( 2017?) Ram Dass Here Now-Episode 7-The Veil. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afULqyFWPC4

Wikepedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Om_mani_padme_hum

A Beautiful Trunk?

Everything is beautiful until you tell yourself it isn't.

Michael A. Singer

Hmm!  I know that to be true but things don't seem so beautiful to me right now.  I have been reflecting on how forking hard "my life" has been.  This descended on me like a big dark cloud this morning.  I intended to come out here at 530 to begin my daily practice, my sadhana, but I never slept well last night, so  I pressed the "dismiss" instead of the "snooze" when the alarm went off. I lay there but instead of going back to restful sleep  ...I became overwhelmed with this thought: "Man ...it has just been so hard....from childhood until now...boom, boom, boom...one extreme challenge after another. And it looks like there is more ahead.  I am just so tired of it all and I do not know how much more my body and mind will take."  I was not feeling sorry for myself ...just facing this reality and it  was that awareness that got me out of bed an hour late ...but still early enough for practice. I knew I needed my practice.

So I dragged myself out to the kitchen...fed the crows who have been at me since the alarm went off to feed them, and the cats were circling my feet so I took care of them.  Then I made a cup of tea and sat in my spot.  I did a bit of praying... in honor of all those who walked before me on this path.  I asked for a bit of guidance and support in my practice and I half meditated, while I drank my tea,  to the "Ahh" meditation from Wayne Dyer...skipped right to the affirmations part. After a few deep beautiful breaths I listened to Michael A. Singer's podcast...jotting down a few words as I did so. Now here I am. This is not how I planned to practice.  Seems half ass but it was this.

Anyway this reflection on how challenging my life has been is an important one and an important part of this practice. It is like a labelled storage container, a trunk,   in which so many samskaras are packed was placed outside my proverbial meditation cave. When this thought comes up all the neatly packed samskaras come up to the surface waiting for me to open this container and set them free. So much could be released simply by accepting that it has been so forking difficult. It could be a major step in purification. And I do want to be purified.  It isn't however giving me the  "beautiful" vibe lol.

Now I know I am the one that packed this trunk! I created much of my own suffering with my resistance to what is...I see what my mind has done very clearly in its desire to help me "cope"over the years...but the challenges Life handed me were quite extraordinary for one human to deal with. This "me" needed to escape some of it.  I have to cut myself some slack for using my defense mechanisms the way I did.  It was forking hard and it still is.  I am physically and mentally wore out! Do I have the energy to open that blasted trunk? 

I know there is a valid reason for everything that happens. Life gave me this trunk of experiences for a reason.  I don't know  what the reason was other than all that ever was is creating what is. It isn't personal but if I brought it down to the level of "my" soul, I can assume that if soul  came down here to evolve it must have needed this crap I dealt with (or didn't deal with) to do just that.  It must have had some karma or something to work out ( still feel a bit like I am being punished. Like I might have been responsible for some serious crap  cuz  I obviously had a lot to work out) . Regardless,  I want to put my soul's need first!! I do.  So I accept, even if this mind of mine doesn't understand, what is, was and will be!  

If she [Life] brings something to you...you dance with it.

I want to be able to embrace this trunk, love and honor it and everything inside it.  I do.  I may not be able to dance with it because it is too heavy lol but I can open it and explore what is inside as I let it all go. It won't be easy...heck it isn't easy now...but maybe  even pain of purification can be beautiful.  I just have to stop telling myself it isn't!

Be willing to go through pain...pain is purification...

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 4, 2023) Live to Protect or Live to Be. https://tou.org/talks/

 

Keeping the Sun in the Heart

 All evil vanishes from Life for he who keeps the sun in his heart. 

Ram Dass Mantra

How does one keep the sun in their heart after so many days of rain? With a committed practice of working on one's self.

I can do nothing for you, but work on myself.  You can do nothing for me, but work on yourself. Ram Dass

I woke up not so committed to my Sadhana (daily spiritual practice).  I felt the urge of resistance when the alarm went off at 530, telling myself, "It is okay.  You were not feeling well all weekend, there was so much chaos on top of that, and you had a busy day with the grandkids yesterday. It's raining and gloomy.  Forget the practice.  You are not in an ashram or monastery for goodness sake...you don't have to practice as if you were! Stay in bed.  Rest! " And I pressed the snooze button and rolled over.  

I didn't, however, fall to sleep right away.  The mind became active with some less than happy thought.  Remembering some advice I got once about waking up on the wrong side of the bed, "Go back to sleep and wake up on the right side," I closed my eyes and tried harder. The thoughts got louder and I watched them from a distance as they got louder.  Then the quiet voice of reason within me simply encouraged me  to get up out of bed.  So I did.  I came out here with those less than positive thoughts and the emotions they induce, with the heavy rain beating on the window pain..."again"... and I sat with what is as I practiced. 

It was a lovely practice so far.  Not over...because I go from meditating, to listening or reading wise words from highly evolved beings, to a mini hatha and a kriya practice, and then on to a day of mindfulness and Karma yoga ( being aware that everything I "do" provides some type of wholesome service). This writing I do now is a part of my karma yoga and therefore an important part of my sadhana. My sadhana is not over.  In fact, it won't be until I drift off to sleep tonight. 

It was easier to stay committed to the practice when I was the only one awake.  Not so easy now.  People around me love their screens and electronics and they like the volume.  I have a terribly hard time relaxing into what is when I hear the TV on or some video playing at high volume. Such electronic use  just seems to "crash" into my morning, creating  a nasty sensory experience for me to deal with.   It is like nails down the chalkboard, affecting me viscerally as well as mentally and emotionally.  I find myself instantaneously tightening up in the height of aversion.  I am angry at the person for turning the TV on, or blasting their volume up. How dare they interrupt my sadhana?! I deny them the right for their morning routine because I tell myself my practice is higher; I am trying to rise above mind stuff...while they are trying to slip below it with their numbing activities. I step on the  spirituality high  horse and prance around the house with my "Do you mind?  Could you turn that down?" or "I told you before, I cannot have the electronics blasting when I am practicing in the morning." I react!

Hmm! This reaction to the electronics as well as the less than happy thoughts and feelings I had when I woke up...as well as the resistance to the practice are not interruptions to my sadhana. They are all parts of my practice too. I can learn and grow from all of it. I am beginning to embrace all these things as I observe them unfolding around me and in me. All I have to do is keep the sun in my heart...remembering that I am here to serve others not control their morning routines, that I am here to learn and grow so I must thank them for showing me I have a ways to go, and I am here to shine the light of the sun ( that is within all of us) outward to help light up the world. It isn't about "me".

Hmmm!

Aditya Hridayam punyam sarv shatru bena shenam...Mantra above

All is well! 

Ram Dass/ Be Here and Now Network (2017) Ram Dass Here and Now-Episode 6- The Four Noble Truths. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64vQVBwaxJc

500 Users a Day

 500 users a day.  Should I be concerned? I don't feel comfortable with the fact that the stats on this site are showing that there is over 500 readers/user/posts read ( not really sure what the stats are recording)a day.  This has been going on for over a week.  Now these most recent readers are shown to come from Singapore.  When I go to Google Analytics...there are no readers from Singapore. Some from Nigeria and some from here? So I assuming most of the high readership is coming from bots but how did they get on to the site when I have spam protection and what do they want? Most importantly, are they harmful?

Anyway...just putting that out there.

Something Beautiful In Here

Pleasures conceived in the world of the senses have a beginning and an end and give birth to misery, Arjuna. The wise do not look for happiness in them. But those who overcome the impulses of lust and anger [desire and aversion?] which arise in the body are made whole and live in joy.  They find their joy, their rest, and their light completely within themselves. 

Gita , Chapter 5: 22-24

"There is something beautiful in here"

We have all probably recognized, at one point or another, even if it was just in a flickering glimmer, that there is something beautiful inside us.  I mean most of the time we attribute this something beautiful to being a reflection of something beautiful out there but there are other  times we get a glimpse that there is something beautiful inside that is not dependent on what is going on outside. For even just a fraction of a minute we might find our joy, our rest and our light completely within ourselves. 

I have not experienced it much but I have experienced a taste of that unconditional peace, joy, love...if not the 'bliss'  that yoga promises. I know there is something to that promise and I want whatever that beautiful thing is to come pouring through me and out of me. I want freedom from that which is blocking it most of all  and then I want to taste the rest and light of love at least...even if pure unconditional joy and bliss remain at a distance to my not fully evolved mind. 

I want to open and stay open. That is why I practice yoga.

Free from anger and selfish desire, unified in mind, those who follow the path of yoga and realize the Self are established forever in that supreme state. Gita, Chapter 5:26

I am not sure if I will ever reach the supreme state but I do strive for freedom from suffering for myself and others.  It is a start.

I am aware of what desire and aversion do to our human psyches so I am doing my best to put my preferences aside so I can accept Life as it is.  I realize what such preferring has done to this personal mind...this ego.  It has made it neurotic as it stuffed so many emotional charged feelings and "mind stuff" within.  I am aware of how all this stuff...these samskaras are blocking my flow.  I see how external triggers that bump into these samskaras are causing me to resist and close to Life as it is, so I am not living fully.  I have closed down the flow of shakti within me. 

I also  trust the teachings that tell us that the earth  (this horizontal plane of existence) is a place where souls are sent to evolve.  My soul can grow beyond these blockages, in fact it can grow because of these challenging samskaras.  All I have to do is accept...open...not close anymore and allow the release of these blockages. Hmm!

We can open up, full time, to the beauty within. Through yoga we can learn to  experience peace, joy, love and bliss no matter what unfolds in front of us or through us! 

First step: Open: do your part in removing blockages as you recognize they are in the way of you experiencing Shakti.  Learn to love your stuff...see it as that which helps you to open. don't worry about the stuff already in you...it will come up naturally.

Second step: Don't close.  Keep open to whatever unfolds in front of you  as you begin to experience the flow of shakti rising...first in trickles and streams ...as you catch yourself saying"Wow!  There is something beautiful in here." Then, Singer assures us, eventually we will begin to feel the unconditional peace, joy, love and bliss flowing like a river upwards. 

We can be made whole and live in joy through our practice. Embrace the learning challenges offered by Life. All of them. Even our "malingering malignant moods" (Yogananda) can be lessons for learning.

All is well! 

 Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 2, 2023) Transcending Moods.https://tou.org/talks/

Happy Canada Day and Happy Birthday

 Happy Canada Day!!

And

Happy Birthday to My Granddaughter...now Three

All is Well!