The Zest Of Creating Things New

 

True happiness comes from the joy of deed well done, the zest of creating things new.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Two Breaths Away From Done

I am almost done a four month writing project and I am happy to be so! I will also miss the zest I experienced while I was creating.  I love creating!!

I am so close to finishing this book, this learning package, this project...whatever you want to call what I have been so dilligently working on since May. Yesterday I forced myself to sit to get all the writing and exercises that were left  done! And at midnight I walked away.  I have to fix the conclusion I wrote in my blurry eyed desperation to finish. Not good-lol I just need another run through, another tweak here or there (of course the tweaking can get a little cra-cra...one change leading to another and another and another lol.) I don't want that.  I want this to be done.  It is time. 

 I also have to tidy up my reference list which is very, very long lol and I am not even sure what format to use: APA, MLA, or just the rough citation style I use here. Does it really matter, I ask myself.  Is it going to go anywhere but here?  I mean I did get referred to an agency that might need this stuff from one of the university presses I sent it to. It is being reviewed.  Of course, since I sent that proposal I made a 100 little improvements and discovered another 100 little areas that were less than perfect,  on what I sent, as is the way but man...I want it done and placed. I  just want to wrap up this little bundle in a nice pretty blanket, make sure it is clean, well fed, and happy as I drop it off at a new home that will look after it... where it will grow and be of  good use to the world. Then I can say, "My work is done!" 

A Rejection Poked Samskara

I got a rejection today as I am in the midst of finishing up.  Not from the agency, but from  another university press I sent a proposal to.  I am so used to rejections and know the insignificance of each rejection in terms of the impersonal nature of them. I do know that it often has little to do with the offering or the writer but a matter of lining up exactly with the expectations and the needs of that press at the exact time those needs emerge. Statistically, there is a very low probability of that...especially with a small press that only puts out a few publicatons a year. And a university press?  They need the initials behind the name.  Though I know all that and know how silly it is to personalize a rejection,  there is still a tiny, weeney little bit of me asking "Am I not a good enough writer? Is my offering not good enough? I should have  my masters and a PhD before I try to publish such a thing? How silly it was for me to put all this energy into this...me of all people. Who did I think I was?" 

Though it was a weak and tiny, little voice saying all that, one I just want to smile at and pat on the head, I heard it. It triggered...well gently poked...that samskara of "not enough" in me, making it growl a little bit before rolling over. Sigh! Just  a little poke but I felt it. Just a little growl and a little roll but I heard and felt it. I feel some doubt about whether or not I should expect publication.

The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt.

Sylvia Plath

I am just glad that the self-doubt didn't surface fully  until it was time to make visible what was  created and not so much during the process itself. 

The Ultimate Fruit

  I don't want to push that feeling experience  back down.  I would love for that samskara to wake up completely, come up roaring in protest if that is required to push its way  to the surface ...be felt and experienced fully...and then pack its bags and leave.  That would be the ultimate fruit of this action if there were to be any. 

Creativity and Service: Not About Me

I told myself when I began, and I meant it, "This is not about me but what I can give.  I am not going to be attached to the fruits of this action, to the outcome.  I am just going to follow this pull I have to offer something, to write and work on this project everyday, just enjoying the process of creating something of value,  and what ever happens happens." 

The Zest of Creating

And it was a lovely process with a selfless intention. This human got something from it too. I felt purpose and meaning.  I love to learn and I learned so very much.  I love to teach and I enjoyed the process of teaching...even if I never have a student in this proverbial classroom. :) I love to write and I wrote. So, as it all comes to an end...and the finished product sits in front of me... I need to stay detached from whatever happens with this that was created. It is not about me. It just came through this body and mind. I enjoyed being the conduit. It was fun. It is all good.

Making it Visible?

I am kind of inspired by a line from Oprah Winfrey

Make visible, what without you, might perhaps  never have been seen.

I will make it visible.  Maybe there is something here that will benifit many. I would like to think so.  Regardless of what happens, I am glad I was open to that little pull that said "Write this book. Allow it to be seen."  I am glad I could relax and be the perfect conduit for it to come through

Hmm! All is well.