Progress Report

 Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation.

Oscar Wilde

My learning journey began with discontent. Did yours?

As an educator for many years, checking progress at frequent intervals a long the learning journey, became something I naturally did and do. I find myself checking my own progress every now and again as I learn in this Earth school where souls come to evolve. 

What I am checking for is how I am progressing away from the personal and into the impersonal. Am I getting anywhere there? Yes! 

Michael Singer gave an example of what the impersonal part of us does  when it comes across an accident. A few years ago, D. and I were travelling behind someone who was obviously impaired, driving and swerving through traffic wicked fast. Their truck literally went off the gravel on the side of the rode and high  into the air for quite a distance, over an embankment,  hit a tree, and nosedived to the ground landing on the hood.  As soon as it landed I was out of our car...D. didn't even have time to stop the car, and running toward the scene. Without fear, or any thought at all really, I was on top of the  car attempting to get to the driver. A truck driver going the opposite direction had stopped and before I knew it he was pulling me out of the smoking car so he could shut of the ignition before the thing caught on fire. ( I never thought...my only focus was on getting to the driver). I tended to him until the ambulance arrived. He miraculously survived. When they were ready to take him, and after I was questioned by police, I walked away and a bystander said to me..."maybe you should wash off some of that blood".  I looked down and I was covered ...my new blouse was ruined...It was then that I kind of came too. I never once thought of HIV or Hep during the experience...like I said, I never thought of much. Infact, I, as this me,  wasn't there.  

Later someone commented about my experience as an emergency room nurse kicking in. I knew that wasn't completely the case either. Though the skills I learnt will always be with me, I hadn't worked in that way for decades and I was never a great ER nurse lol...always too anxious about what might come through the doors or what the doctors might say. Though I was pretty smart, this neurotic person I was then, was always in the way of me doing the job I was more than capable of doing. 

After years of yoga and internal healing there I was responding in the purest of ways to a life event that had unfolded in front of me. There was no neurotic, selfish little me in the way. There was no personal self.  It was completely impersonal.  To this day I always go "Wow!" when I think of that. Not because I as a person did something great, brave  and heroic...I didn't...not at all..Tthis "me" did nothing because there was no person called "me" there. 

I could also say I am progressing in my detachment more and more from the personal self in my relationships.  I do not expect others to make me happy...not at all. Sometimes, I am happier around others, especially, my grandchildren  and sometimes, I find myself uneasy around others but I do know that no one out there is responsible for that happiness or lack of. People can still hit my buttons but I know fully that is only because I have yet to get rid of all my buttons.  I used to be a "romantic" and now I see that as something reserved for my favorite poets who wrote during the romantic era. The love I seek is much deeper and it isn't going to come from outside of me. My relating to others has changed dramatically.

That being said, though I feel great compassion for others I am quite detached from drama...to the point  that when people come to me with their personal woes...that seem so trivial and insignificant to me now...I do not respond in the way they want me to.  I feel great love and compassion, concern for them as they suffer but I also see the unecessity of it. I am often accused of now being "cold and detached". I usually reply by saying," You are half right. I am detached...but I am feeling warm and detached." That usually doesn't go over very good. 

I do find myself in the dharma flow more.  I just want to help and serve in a significant way before my time in this life ends. I really do not want it to be about "me" anymore.  I see how this "me" is simply in the way of my peace and the world's peace.

Though I am advancing,  I do see though that I am not a true depersonalized yogi at this point.  I still have some attachments.  I still have a big fat nosiy ego chirping away in my ear. :) Albeit, much less than ever before, I still feel challenged and pulled down into the muck and mire of human drama from time to time.  I also know I still have a lot of samskara to get out of this vessel so I can become as pure as I hope to be. I have a ways to go yet....but I am getting there.  I am getting there.

My progress report for this final term review might say something to the effect,

"This human is progressing nicely on her learning journey. She has accomplished many of the tasks put before her as part of the curriculum.  Still needs to improve in certain areas...must be reminded to work on this, that, and the other thing.  But she is a keen and motivated student with a genuine desire to learn. For that reason, she is a pleasure to have in the classroom.  Wishing her all the best on the next lag of her journey.  Keep up the good work!!"

Of course, the teacher won't spoil the mood by mentioning that I have been in third grade for a few decades lol

What might your progress report look like at this point? Kind of neat to think about it, isn't it?

All is well! 

Micahel A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 5, 2024) Letting Go-Bridging the Gap Between Personal and Impersonal.https://tou.org/talks/