Ego seeks more and fears to be less.
Eckhart Tolle
As I observe the experience this human is having trying to adjust to the realization that nothing out there is going to give this being that I am, (what ego erroneously thinks), that "It" needs, I came across these videos. As I caught myself stopping, or at least greatly slowing down, the adventure and "more" seeking this human has done most of its life; and then feeling lost without the ups and downs it has become so used to, a little "bored" and "less than", maybe, with the the experience of neutral...these videos seemed to reach out to grab my attention.
I was glad, first of all, to discover that this "thinking there should be more" is a common experience at this part of the waking up process. That an adjustment is happening.
You see, I thought there was something wrong with me for not caring so much to go out and look for experiences this summer. (We usually make summers all about seeking new experiences: travelling, exploring, kayaking around the Fundy rocks, hiking, repelling down cliffs, zip lining, horse back riding, tenting, and golfing different greens throughout the province etc.). I also thought there was something wrong with me for where I seem to be emotionally: not feeling overly happy or overly sad... in the neutral zone between those emotions. I thought there was something wrong with me for thinking that what I am doing here and now...with the writing, the yoga, walking around the yard and the people in my immediate environment (and no offense I could not care who I was with right now)...was enough. What I do is not that important to me anymore...and I have been questioning if that was unhealthy. We got asked to go on a short trip with D.'s family and I found myself thinking, whereas I would have jumped at the opportunity for any summer adventure before, " Why would I go? I know I won't find anything on that trip that I can't find right here and now." I questioned again, "Is there something wrong with me?"
Then, I came across these videos, and was immediately comforted by the shared truth that it was ego who was questioning, seeking more, and fearing less...not who I am. It was ego that wanted all those adventures. It was ego that compares itself to others doing more, having more, looking like more...and says, "I am not enough...do something!" It is ego that is missing the ups and downs of Life's emotional Roller coaster ride and that is finding it hard to settle into this state of neutrality. Ego likes to "react" to Life and when I don't, it feels unsettled.
Hmm!
I knew deep within me, as confirmed by these videos, that it is okay to be in this state of neutrality...more than okay. And I don't have to go out and seek more to attempt to appease an ego that will never be appeased or to redeem an ego that will never be redeemed enough. It is ego, not being, that is uncomfortable with this state of neutrality.
But ego is just a self concept, isn't it? It is just an "idea" I have (or had) of who Iam. It isn't who I am, is it? I do not have to add anymore to this mental construct of who I erroneously think I am, do I?
"What is", is enough!
"I am"...the experience of true being...is more than okay with peaceful neutrality ...which is equanimity...because that is what it is.
Rupert Spira said to another questioning if their state of neutrality was enough in the below video, somewhat paraphrased:
No objective experience can give you what you truly want. Realizing this truth can lead to despair...but there is another directionless direction where you can find the peace you are looking for...
Just say to self, "I am" ...that is your experience...don't add to it...just, "I am"...know the experience of being...if you are certain of that "I am" than you are being...
Go into the experience of being...that is the peace [that passes all understanding]. ..that is the Kingdom of Heaven you are looking for.
Hmm! Well, it got me thinking. What about you?
All is Well.
Rupert Spira (July, 2024 ) "Why Is Simply Being Not Enough for Me?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjRnrPCT-M8
Eckhart Tolle ( August 4, 2024) " Eckhart Tolle on Identity: Who Are You Really?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S2PLRGOx3g
Eckhart Tolle ( August 2, 2024) How to appreciate your life without getting attached. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IRUMpPm3iI
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