Our opinions rise and fall like the seasons. Our moods and thoughts come and go like the tides.
Jack Kornfield (Seeking the Heart of Wisdom; 2001; Shambala;page 221)
These opinions,these moods and these thoughts that we put so much attention on, that we tend to believe are so real and solid are just things that constantly change, that rise and fall, come and go ...nothing constant or solid about them.
Yesterday, in reaction to a life cirsumstance, a couple of them actually...but one that was taking all my attention, I found myself fixated on certain opinions, ruminating over certain thoughts and seemed to be overcome by a certain mood. None of it pleasant. The negativity brought on by the feelings of fear, worry, what I felt I had to do later that day and what the consequences of that would be was overwhelming. My intial reaction was to run from this "pain". ...but because of my training to date I didn't run and I didn't close. I staid open to it for hours and hours but man...it wasn't easy. I did have some peaceful respite in meditation when I felt the cleansing and healing tears, the space that was holding it all but it was a very challenging day. Instead of being in the moments of a beautiful September afternoon ..noticing and appreciating the breeze, the sun, the birds around me, I spent most of the time in my head with this mood, these opinions and thoughts. The story in my mind seemed so solid, so real and all consuming. I did not think I would be able to handle it.
When I faced the situation I was waiting to face it turned out so differently than I expected. In fact, it blew me away. There was so much openness, so much honesty...and the biggest and most difficult step towards healing ( the first one) was taken by this individual...without any push from me. I don't think I have ever been prouder as a parent! Oh man...there is a big long road ahead with so many challenges . We both know that but there is no getting anywhere near the healing without this step that was taken. As Lao Tzu supposedly said, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. It is that single first step that marks the beginning of the journey.
So I awake this morning with different opinions, different moods and different thoughts. Yesterday's mental reaction has fallen like the season of summer soon will...and it has gone out like the tide.
Hmmm! Life (and our reaction to it) is such an amazing thing to observe. Observing it will lead to understanding, I suppose, where we would best be placing our attention.
All is well.
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