No Roots, No Home

 They [our negative thoughts of aversion] have no roots; they have no home [in the vast emptiness of mind]. 

Joseph Goldstein

I looked up at the sky yesterday and it was as blue and as empty of cloud as I have ever noticed. I realized, at the same time, so was my mind...empty (or at least not as full of) those thoughts of monsters, unconscious behaviours of others, "problems" , feelings of anger, resentment and repulsion I had been clinging to for days. I realized then how caught up, tangled up I was in "story" again over the last week ...  a story I kept adding to, a story I  shared with others...Why? 

To give it power...to add to the details  and once again...make villians out of others whose behaviours and choices just reflect their unconscious conditioning, to add to the plot with suspence and drama  and to enhance my starring role as tragic heroin. All story!

Sure there are challenges surrounding me in terms of a living situation with others who are struggling with thier own issues but these challenges and circumsatnces  are just like clouds that float by.  They come and they go.  These people I made into monsters by focusing my attention on the negative superficial stuff are just wherever they are at. ...human beings making their way through the Life they see as their reality. I am not at the mercy of their behaviour. Most of what I experience in reaction to their behaviour is just mind stuff. And as far as me being a victim or any kind of hero in this drama...pfff!  All mind stuff...created in an attempt to put this experience into concepts and narrative...instead of just expereincing it directly.

That is what I have been doing...at this level of my learning and practicing...going back and forth between knowing that I and them are not the conceptual  identities I created.  We are so much more than this.  Life is so much more than this story. I KNOW THAT! Yet I keep slipping back into this again and again.

I sat down with some this weekend after some "slip ups" and for some reason or another...my heart opened. I realized what I was doing instantaously . I was building story to support a closed heart...when that heart  opened there was no story and no words of meaning to come out of my mouth to justify any decisions I had made.  It was like "I don't know!" . 

Learning here as well. 

All is well.