Offering Whatever Talents We Have

Use the talents you have. You will make it. You will give joy to the world. Take this tip from nature: the woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except those who sang best.
-Bernard Meltzer (Brainy Quotes)

What is your special talent, the one thing you can offer the world that will bring it joy? Do you openly express it or are you held back by your social story?  How do you react to others and how does this prevent you from doing the thing you do that makes you...you? I am wondering if my social/writing story relates to yours in anyway?

Awkward

After much practice, learning and confronting my fears I can now stand up and speak in front of 600 people without a quiver in my voice but I am still a bit awkward in social situations. I avoid 'exposure' of my vulnerability, of my 'broken' parts for fear of scrutiny and judgment. The egos of other people, frankly, scare the crap out of me.  :)

I tend to stand back and a little away from other people.  When I do approach or share in a 'social forum' my speech is  often flushed, rushed and/or backwards lol. I may stutter or stammer or say something I shouldn't have said.  The image I create is far from what I feel I am and wanting to protect that sense of self from egos that I fear can do so much damage, I pull back even farther.

It is much easier, I discovered, to appear aloof and distant...to step back and away...to become a lone-wolf or a wall-holder-upper rather then the center of attention. If anybody notices my retreat, I then become in other opinion...someone who is too 'stuck up' or 'too into herself'  to care about others. Of course, that is not the case but who am I to argue with social opinion?

Social Story

That has been my social story for as long as I can remember (for almost 50 years). If I feel I have something important to say though, something that goes beyond my ego or the egos of others, something that has the potential to heal...I will step out there into the spotlight.  I will let whatever is in me, beneath all my conditioning, my fear and my shame, to do what it has to do. It is almost like I have no choice. Something bigger than my fear and my shame takes over. Potential 'exposure to scrutiny and judgment ' seems like such a trivial and insignificant risk at those times. I am not held back. Thus my ability to public speak, to teach and to write the things I write.  I do not seek ego fame and fortune through these mediums...I seek release. They truly are beyond me. I don't call it 'talent' as much as I call it a need to offer and share.

Offering and Sharing

This blog  and my other writing has been like a high school dance for me.  For the most part I  lean against a wall in the back of the room.  I may appear distant and aloof but part of me does want to connect.  From that protective spot I shout out all the things I want to say. I remain unseen and unheard. It's safe and comfortable to be hidden away (little readership)but at the same time I get the release I long for. I'm okay with being the least popular kid in the room as long as I can write.

Every now and again, though,  the thought that I need to get  out of my comfort zone and connect pulls at me. So gingerly and hesitantly, I step out to the center of the dance floor  in order to increase readership. There are soooo many kids on the floor, many of them prettier, smarter, and much more popular than me. Still... I introduce myself. I stutter and stammer as I do.  I feel myself blushing and trembling. I feel extremely uncomfortable.

Few even stop to pay attention to my awkward introduction and the ones that do  stand there with their hands on their hips and their heads titled to the side saying "What the Front door?"

Awkward!

I want nothing more, at these times, then to retreat back into the shadows.  I want to run away but if I feel what I have to say needs to be heard...that 'thing within me' takes over.  I have no choice but to stand where I am  and do my thing.  I don't look to see who is giving me the thumbs up or down.  I don't speak to the egos in front of me, I speak to what is beyond them.  Awkwardness slips away and this part of me slips out to express Itself.

When I have said what needs to be said...I gingerly and hesitantly walk back to hold up the wall again.  It is only then,  there in the darkness away from the scrutinizing eyes of others, that  I check to see if I have been heard. Has my readership increased?  Has a publisher or agent found merit in my work? Have I been understood and accepted?

The Outcome is not your problem

Hmmm! So far I remain an 'unknown.' I mean I do receive a thumbs up every now and again through publications and bumps in readership or comments  and I am grateful for them.  They keep me going.  But for the most part, in high school popularity terms, I am not being seen and heard despite the effort it takes to go beyond the comfort zone.

The question is: am I okay with that?  I think I am.  I think as long as I can release this thing inside me out onto the page it's all good.  As long as I try every now and again to step out  of my comfort zone  to be heard by someone its all good. I guess it is not my role to get all hung up on the outcome.  I just need to write, and then step out there and attempt to connect that writing to an audience every now and again.  When I do,  I have done my job, regardless of how socially awkward I may feel.  The rest is not up to me.  :)

Moral

So what is the moral of this big long rampage?  Comfort zones are okay for awhile, especially when you are creating, but after you create whatever it is that makes you... you...than at least try to share it.  Step out away from safety and offer what you have to the world.  What others do with it is not up to you.  The opinions others have of you are not yours to own. And the outcome of anything you pursue is not your responsibility. Creating and sharing is.

All is well in my world.