Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/happiness)
Our Idea of Happiness
Let's face it, most of us in the west do not have a clue what "happiness" actually means. We live in a culture that is in constant search for a buzz, a high of some kind that takes us away from the perceived and judged feeling of pain. We need that feeling so we seek it in everything we do or we constantly grasp for things outside ourselves to provide it. What we want is anything that takes us from having to be still in this moment. That is what we call happiness. Distraction, escaping, numbing and running from the present moment in search for something better is what we tend to do.
The Buzz
We need a buzz...we need a sensation or feeling other than boredom. Boredom is the first sign we are still and man we cannot be still, can we?
We get a buzz from the electronics in our hands so we are constantly tweeting, Facebooking, Snapchatting, Instragraming what we want others to believe is this state. We post the best selfies of the best life and we see only the best pics of others in their best portrayal of the perfect life they want us to envy. Having someone envy us brings a buzz, doesn't it even if what we portray is not a 100% real? Striving to achieve what others seem to have is also buzz inducing. Social media is a perfect supplier of this buzz.
We get a buzz from activity so we do more, move fast, keep going. We push, push, push, do, do, do, move, move, move. Heaven forbid we should stop for a minute and see how exhausted we are or to ask even...where it is we think we are going? The movement is the buzz. It is intoxicating and addictive.
We get a buzz from seeking to achieve or own the "things' of the physical world that sparkle like diamonds in the distance. We seek money; we seek material possessions; we seek the best body; we seek the best job, the best houses, the best education, the best social recognition. We seek the best image, assuming this is happiness. We reach for the buzz that never lasts when we attempt to attain any of these things. If we get them, we just end up needing more like junkies chasing the dragon. We will never sustain that buzz this way.
Is this happiness?
But this is our idea of happiness isn't it? Both Eckhart Tolle in "The end of ego morning star" and Gelong Thibeton in "Choose Happiness" address this need to redefine happiness. Tolle states that Happiness is a generic term. It differs from culture to culture. In happiness studies done throughout the world, it is not countries that have so much in terms of material wealth that rate the highest in this area. In fact , the US and Britain rank 18th and 19th falling below countries like Israel and Costa Rica. This type of life style pursuit does not bring happiness. (Forbes)
I believe there are six reasons why we are not as happy as we can and should be.
Reasons for a sense of unhappiness:
- We confuse ego happiness for real happiness. According to Tibetan Buddhist Monk, Gelong Thubeton True happiness is a state of freedom. In our reckless pursuits for the accumulation of more we take ourselves toward bondage rather than towards freedom. (Satchidananda,2011)We are constantly attempting to add 'more' to our sense of "Me" and "My life": more stuff, more approval, more knowledge,...so much so the "I" gets smothered beneath it. This is not freedom. This is not happiness. Happiness is a natural state of true contentment that is always with the deeper I...we just can't experience it if we are buried beneath the 'junk' we accumulated. Happiness then is a freeing ourselves from attachment to these piles on top of us. It is not the accumulation of more but the freedom of less attachment that will bring happiness.
- Endless wanting causes unhappiness. In our constant wanting of the feeling, of the buzz we neglect to experience and know the happiness that is already in us where it has always been. Our searching outside ourselves for things of the physical world to make us happy, 'the buzz" leads to more and ore unhappiness. Like drug addicts we can never be satisfied in this type of seeking.(Gelong Thubton)
- By depending on the unpredictable to provide happiness we will never find happiness. Let's look at the things of the outside world that we are dependent on to bring us happy. Money, for example. We think a certain amount in our bank account will provide happiness. How realistic is that? It may bring momentary security and pleasure but sustained happiness? No. This money can go just as quickly as it comes in. We live in a constant state of anxiety trying to ensure we do not lose what we have or trying to make more. What about the special person who assume will make you happy? How predictable is that? They may leave you. They may die. You may not be able to find that special person in this lifetime. Things come and go; jobs come and go. Some days people will love you and other days they won't. Depending on the unpredictable things of this physical world will not sustain happiness. (Gelong Thubton)
- A lack of gratitude for what we have. As long as we are seeking more we are living in a state of deficiency. We are focusing on what we don't have rather than on what we do have. This causes great unhappiness. The antidote? Be grateful for what you do have in your life.
- We resist the moment as it is right here and right now. The only place happiness can be experienced is in the present moment because that is all there is. We too often use the moment just as a stepping stone to get to the next moment. If we are constantly seeking a buzz in the next moment we are not settling into this one. It is almost as if we believe the next moment, which is nothing but a thought in our head, is more important than the moment that we are presently in.
- We want happiness for the "little me" when it is really all about the greater Self. Happiness can never be achieved and contained for the ego. True joy is not a selfish thing but a selfless one. If we want happiness we need to put away our question: "What can the world give me that will make 'me' happy?" for "What can I give to the world to make all happy."
So how do we turn this around so we can experience happiness? We can start by realizing that happiness is freedom. Then we can stop our endless seeking for things outside the Self. We can see how unpredictable the physical world is and start depending on the true Self within as the provider of happiness. We can practice gratitude and of course we can learn to accept the present moment for all it is. We have to learn to be still. Finally, we can seek to serve the world rather than expect to be served by it.
If we do not seek a buzz from meditation, it can help us do all of these things.
All is well in my world.
References.
Madden, D. ( March, 2018) Ranked: Ten Most Happiest
Countries in the World. Forbes. Retrieved from; https://www.forbes.com/sites/duncanmadden/2018/03/27/ranked-the-10-happiest-countries-in-the-world-in-2018/#1a7d178273e9
Thubton, Gelong (2015) Gelong Thubton: "Choose Happiness"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1B-_qhG_rM
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