-Eleanor Roosevelt https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/guests
Eleanor and I would have been really tight if we got to know each other, I think. :)
Am I one of those uninvited Guests?
I might step away from this for a while. It is pure compulsion that brings me here and I cannot explain why or what I am supposed to accomplish by being here...I really do not know. All I know is that it is the one thing I can do, I want to do, that I am committed to doing. At the same time, it doesn't make a lick of sense to what is left to my rational mind. Do I need time to ponder my purpose here?
Why am I writing in a blog about waking up when I can barely get out of bed some mornings? There is little readership besides a few devoted souls whom I appreciate immensely but how do I know what I am bringing when I step over the threshold of their guest houses? I may be showing up as an undesirable guest in someone else's life, just as these spammer sites are showing up in mine. Who knows?
Is this good for me?
While I spend the hour or a bit here each day, things are piling up all around me . Despite my love of Being I know things need to be done. I am not 'doing' enough. I do not even know what to do. I haven't the mental and physical energy to resist entropy :). I do not have the desire or motivation to put things in order...by that I mean my life, my house, my family. And man am I hiding out! I seem to be ducking from anything that requires energy. This blog does not seem to require energy of me. Isn't that strange? The rest of my life does!
Welcoming it All in!
To be fair to myself, I am allowing everything Life offers me in...even the dark thoughts, the shame and the malice for all kinds of positive Self developing reasons but mostly because holding the door closed is too darn tiring. :)
But I am certainly not a gracious host like Rumi suggests we should be. I am not enjoying the company.
And I get pi$%ed off from time to time. Some of those little jerks, the ones that come in groups (sorrows) seem to be sweeping everything away from my house, my life, leaving it empty and bare in so many places. You think I would appreciate someone cleaning up around here because I certainly am not. Besides we need more than a little de-cluttering in this place and the furniture...man...really though...they can have all those fur collectors. I would rather sit on the floor. :)
Still...I cannot seem to appreciate this little gang of hyperactive party thieves simply because I 'can't control them'. I want control, peace and quiet ...they don't bring that. They(life circumstances) bring unpredictability, chaos and then a sense of emptiness I am not yet used to, when they leave with all my belongings on their backs. So I do not honor them enough for their 'clearing' potential.
Not an entertaining Host!
As far as being an entertaining host... I am not. I am the kind of person who says in not so many words when I open the door..."Come in, make yourself at home but don't expect me to go over and beyond for ya! I am not going to stand on my head and spit out nickels for ya. As soon as you walk through that door, you are treated like family not royalty, k?" I never liked small talk or gossip nor do I appreciate the energy it requires to put on masks or be anything but what I am.
So when Life shows up in the many ways she does (each moment), I do not go out of my way to entertain her. If she is nasty and hard to handle ...well I want nothing to do with her lol. I tend to walk with my extra depressing and mean guests as they go on and on, towards the back door in hope they will take the hint and leave through there.
Laughter
I do love to laugh though. I am not laughing enough these days. Oh man...I miss laughing. I had one little bout a week ago over an email I wrote. I was describing my life to a couple of others and seeing the absurdity of it struck me so funny...and I laughed. I laughed and laughed until the tears came out and my belly hurt. D. and the kids thought I finally went over the cliff I was wobbling on ...they couldn't understand why I found it funny. I was reminded of how wonderful it feels to laugh and to make others laugh. Man...I miss laughing!
Now I will accept all the unexpected and undesirable guests if I have to but what I would really like is for some experiences to come to my 'guest house' carrying bundles of hope, sunshine and joy...to just fill up every corner of this place with it. That would be so great.
I know that these desirable guests will not be able to stay here for ever though, that they too will just be temporary visitors passing through, but if they could...just for a bit... bring a little of that good stuff in, in such an obvious way that I can't help but to laugh... I would really be grateful then.
Rumi's Point
Ahhh! But that's not the point of Rumi's teaching is it?
I need to also be grateful for those guests who come into my house carrying their garbage and their baggage, who are unpleasant and who get my attention with their misbehaviour.
Those guests that bring darkness are just as valuable as those that bring light. Those that bring tears are just as valuable as those that bring laughter. Those that take away are just as valuable as those that give. (That's a good thing then because they seem to be arriving in flocks lately).
Each so called "Guest" is sent by Something Greater- a guide from beyond. Each comes with a purpose to teach and enrich my Life with the magical experience of being human....even if I cannot see or understand what that purpose is.
Who am I to judge them, to deny them or to discriminate against any newcomer? They are, after all, all guests in my house. I pray that I will learn to welcome them all in with laughter.
All is well in my world!
The Guest House (translated by Coleman Barks: (http://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poetry/poems/guest-house)
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
No comments:
Post a Comment