The Knower or an idea of 'me'?

The Union of the Owner and the Owned causes recognition of the nature and powers of them both. Yoga Sutras Book Two: 23

When we feel lost between two worlds of consciousness that seem to be coming together we are seeing a union between the true Self and the world around us which includes our crazy mixed up minds. The cause of this union, according to Patanjali, is ignorance.  We have literally forgotten our "self". (Book Two:24) Once we remember that Self we set the Seer free.

Only the Knower

More simply, once the junction created by ignorance is removed, the Seer rests in Its own true nature.  The Purusa[Owner, true Self] is always like that ; although temporarily it appears to be bound by Prakrti [nature, external things]. We should not only remember this theoretically but should remember this point in all our experiences, all our actions, all our ups and downs.  ask, "Am I tainted by this?" "Who am I?" "Who is happy?"  "Who is unhappy?' If we continually ask these questions and do this kind of meditation, we will find that we are only the knower...."I am the eternal witness." (Book Two: 25)

The idea I have of myself is not the knower

I better clarify something.  When I say things like: "I am a mess!  I keep slipping back to sleep! I don't fit in anymore" or even "I am aware!" the "I" I am referring to is nothing more than  this idea I have of myself. This idea I have of myself is creating ideas about the world around me and my awakening experience.  It is the idea I have of myself that is judging this thing as messy and that is experiencing these dualistic states: one day feeling all connected and aware and the next lost in ego. 

This idea I have of myself is the "I" in which I refer to and it is not who I am.  It is just personality and persona...something created in my mind and in other minds.  It is thought form in a body and with a name.  When "I" feel aware of It, it is the thought form in a body that is aware of It.  The idea of me is aware of the reality of me but not yet fully experiencing it or otherwise there would be no awareness.  The subject can perceive an object but the object can not perceive itself. Once I am seeing the world through It's eyes there will be no need to be aware of It...I will Be It.

So obviously if I am 'aware' that I am feeling in between and messy, I am not experiencing my true Self.  I am still ignorant.  Just thought and idea...creating more thought and idea.

We really cannot be anything but Self. Self is constant and never changing.  It doesn't have shape or form or color or names...It just is.   It is not overwhelmed by my" messy In between" for as far as it is concerned there is no in between. There just Is.

It is not concerned about the illusions created by  my sleeping because what it knows to be real is awake.

It is not concerned about my fitting in with other egos because it is perfectly okay as It Is.  And understands It Is everything and everyone so whether I see it or not, feel it or not I have no choice but to fit in.

It is not awkward and sick...it knows not these things. Those things belong to the  idea of me...not to Who I truly Am. That Self cannot ever be confined to a two letter pronoun.

All is well

Sri Swami Satcidananda ( 2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications