Lingering

What need have I to linger in a place of vain desires and of shattered dreams, when Heaven can so easily be mine?
-ACIM-W-226: 2:3

Hmmm! Like some of you, I am sure,  I am indeed lingering in a place of vain desires and of shattered dreams.  I am trying to wake up.  The alarm has gone off good and loudly  but I keep reaching over to push the snooze. I keep slipping back into that early morning sleep, you know?  The kind of sleep where dreams are so vivid and easy to remember. . .where it seems so real but you know it isn't??? Man...I do want to wake up...or at least be either completely asleep or completely awake...one or the other so I am not aware of the other!  This in between sucks! lol

The messy In Between

I am a mess.  I am so aware one moment of what is real and important and the next I am lost in ego crap thinking that's real but then knowing at a deeper level it isn't.  It is confusing. The circumstances of  life are still effecting 'me'. I am definitely doing more 'observing' but that's really weird at times too. One moment I am lost in emotional and mental reaction to external things and the next I am observing myself freaking out. One moment I see it all unfolding as 'my' story and the next I see it as an impersonal story and wonder where I fit into it.

Even though, I barely think about it, I still identify with my body and its limitations too many times. When I try to do zen activities(good for the soul/good for the mind)  like a full yoga practice or  kayak on the river in the early evening hours as  the sun goes down....I feel limited and 'sick'.

My social life is a mess.  I see how I am pulling away from people and situations where I need to socialize.  I actually see now how I have been, to some extent, doing that my whole life. It has always been awkward for me and I found such solace in being alone. (I have been unknowingly reaching this awareness for as long as I can remember). Now that I am 'aware' relating is even more awkward. lol. And I am questioning and observing relationships and human contact on a whole new level that leads to more awareness but also to more confusion.

I find it hard some times to settle in the moment and I feel frustrated because I can't settle in the moment. "You have come this far," I tell myself.  "You should know how to be present...you should be present all the time.  People think you are crazy for your choice to go inward...you better give them something to show for it.  Be the wise, peaceful guru that knows where it is at and has a life that reflects that peace...and be it soon!" lol

I don't know how to BE in this world.  Sigh!

Time to Stop Lingering in Bed!

I know I have to stop pushing the snooze button if I want to be truly free of this confusion and awkwardness that prevents 'me' from experiencing  Being .  Once I commit to waking up I will realize that nothing changed while I was asleep.  That it is all okay.

Lesson 227 of ACIM -W goes onto say....I am free because I was mistaken, and did not affect my own reality at all by my illusions. Now I give them up, and lay them down before the feet of truth, to be removed forever from my mind.

I am just having a bit of trouble with the giving them up and laying them down bit.  But the key thing to remember is that these illusions, this sleep I keep falling back into...cannot stop me from Being ...This Being doesn't go away when I fall back to sleep. I just lose awareness and experience of it. I cannot, however, lose IT!

Can't Lose What is Real

Mooji in the August 4th Satsang speaks to this.   We can be nothing but present.  We do not lose the true Self. Who is the person that feels they are losing contact with Self, that's confused? It is just the mind's idea of 'me' we created that is getting caught up in an idea of 'me' that's creating the confusion.  The true Self, that presence, that essence doesn't wax and wane like our mind does.  It is not confused about anything!!!!  We just get caught up in an idea of 'me' that is creating other ideas of me. 

Who we are never goes away even when we fall asleep gain and again. This Quiet Space, Stillness, Isness is ever present and never changing...and that is Who I am under all this confusion the mind creates. It is not touched by my dreams or illusions.

Thought is causing the so called problems in 'my life' not Life.

Adverse circumstances are overcome by reversing the originating cause, which is your own thought.  Anxiety and fear always attract conditions of their own kind.  Reverse  this tendency and entertain only those thoughts which register harmony and confident assurance, and the adverse circumstance will recede, and in their place will appear the conditions which correspond your changed mentality. Genevieve Behrend,p g 17

Those conditions that respond to changed mentality are Divine conditions offered by the true Self.  If I control this active monkey mind that keeps me dreaming...I will understand this fully.  I will step over the threshold between dream state to being fully awake and I will live my life from there.

We all need to stop lingering in bed and get up to embrace this beautiful and amazing thing called Life. I have to start with me.

All is well in my world!

References

ACIM

Behrend, G. (2016) Attaining Your Desires. Unicorn Books.

Mooji TV  (August 4, 2018)Your Homework is to stay home inside your heart.  https://mooji.tv/freemedia/your-homework-is-to-stay-home-inside-your-heart/