A Whiny Rampage
Rough night. Up from 2-4 with the pelvic pain. It, of course, brings on the chest pain and other symptoms...especially if I need to pace to distract myself from it like I did last night. The OTC's are no longer helping but I refuse to ask for anything stronger until I know for sure where the pain is coming from. (Even then...I doubt if I would take anything beyond a stronger NSAID or a SAID).
Is it endometriosis, which I believe it to be, with adhesions on the left ovary? Or is it an ovarian cyst? A fibroid? Maybe it is just some normal stage of approaching menopause? God knows I have been flashing like crazy. It has been over 6 months now since it began to interrupt my sleep, and my life. My tolerance for it is diminishing.
If I know what is happening in pathophysiological terms I can cope much better with pain and other symptoms. I can use visualization and biofeedback etc...but like with my cardiac symptoms...I may never know for sure what is going on inside my body to the point I can begin to help myself. I may never get the answers I need.
I had an ultrasound done in December but because my bladder was not full enough I was told it wouldn't be definitive. She should have been able to measure the endometrium though. And I am assuming that was normal because I haven't heard anything about it.
So what is going on in there? If only I knew. I know I could cope with it so much better if I could understand what the physical problem is. I want to be able to see it in my mind. Anyway...it is what it is :) I feel much better today...tired and a little weak...but better. So I am grateful for that. It's all good now...and now is all there is.
One wonderful thing this pain does is it keeps me in the present moment. It makes me feel very much alive!
All is well in my world.
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