Cranky?

I am old enough and cranky enough now, that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it!

Dolly Parton (From Brainy Quote)


Cranky!!! 

I do not know why I am but I am irritable today.  I try to step outside myself a bit to "observe" this crankiness in action. 

I am picking out trivial annoyances in others and turning them into faults and failings...I am obsessing on them and collecting them as grievances.  I hate drama and have always been annoyed by it, determined to sift through it for factual evidence... but now I seem to have it in my voice as I set down the household and dog rearing laws like I have a right too.  Three days ago, I would not have thought twice about these things. 

My head is heavy...my limbs reluctant and resistant when I push them through the sun  salutations....my chest is tight.  I do not want to be bothered, touched or even spoken to maybe.  I am aware of all this so I can contain it all beneath a tight smile as I chastise myself for not thinking kinder and more loving thoughts. 

Why am I cranky? 

• I am tired as I always get after my two mornings of work.  Saturdays are usually recovery days. 
•  I am watching too many episodes of Borgia where I witness the characters of historical figures taking their crankiness to new heights. :)   Maybe its contagious. lol 
• I am consuming sugar and caffeine again even if it is only in low and moderate doses. 
• People aren't perfect...they forget things, make little mistakes and when we see these little things we blow them up and out of proportion because we are reminded of our own imperfections.  I am a firm believer that what we find annoying in others is actually what we find annoying in ourselves.  It is not that I cannot accept these minor imperfections in the people and things around me...it is that I cannot accept them in myself. 
• And it is these hormones that I thought, a month ago, were finally  tamed and subdued lol.  They aren't!!!  They are jumping and leaping around my endocrine system like fleas on a lousy dog. Is this the moodiness woman complain about in menopause?  Oh man...what has my future got in store for me?  

Why am I sharing this with you? 

Because I am sure that  you can relate.  At some point in your life you were  feeling cranky, irritable, snappy with others.  Is it not in our human condition to become "annoyed?"  Why do we become so?  I believe all emotions, especially the not so pleasant ones, are messengers...carrying an important message  that we will benefit from reading closely. Feeling "annoyed" tells us we are resisting something in our present moment.  It is not the feeling tired but the resistance to fatigue that makes us annoyed.  It is not the fact that people, things, life  are so imperfect they cause suffering  that annoys us, but the resistance to it.  It is not the physical and emotional discomfort that comes with diet and life change that annoys us, but our resistance to it. Resistance=crankiness.  It is that simple.:)

What do we do when we feel cranky? 

We don't resist it because we know that what we resist persists.  There is a simple little plan I try to follow when I am feeling out of sorts like this. :

1. Identify the emotion without becoming identified by the emotion.   Become aware of what is felt and label it as something you feel instead of something you are...in this case I say out loud, "I feel cranky" instead of "I am cranky!!!"
2. Watch the emotion and your behaviour as an observer. Become aware not only of how you are feeling but how you are responding to it. I see myself on some movie screen in my mind.  What are you doing?  What are you thinking? How are you acting?
3. Ask,  "Why am I feeling cranky"? Determine what it is, on the surface level, that seems to be annoying and causing the feeling
4. Dig a little deeper. Remind self that what is on the outside is just a reflection of what is on the inside. Though it seems that the behaviour of someone else or the circumstances I find myself in are the source of my annoyance...they aren't.  It is my perception and then my resistance to it that is the source of the problem...so I remind myself of that.
5. Own it:  I say " I feel cranky!"  out loud to identify the emotion  but also to "own" it.  I want the others around me to know that my perceptions and actions at the time of my annoyances has little if anything to do with them.  I am responsible for how I feel and therefore accountable for any thoughts or actions against others it may lead me toward.
6. Remind self that: This too shall pass. Your irritability will not last forever and either will mine.  Emotions are temporary and fleeting for the most part.  If it lasts for an extended period of time...get help.  It's okay...just talk to someone about it.
7. Accept it and let it pass through this moment of your life.  It's all good.  It is just an emotion...it is neither good or bad, right or wrong...it just is.  Just let it be...watch it as an observer, come up with the obvious reasons that seem to be causing the feeling and take it a step further to knowing that it is all basically in your mind and therefore your responsibility.  Stop resisting it and just let it be.

All is well! (Just don't come near me for the next few hours lol)