ACIM Lesson 359
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Self Indulgent Rampage
A Whiny Rampage
Rough night. Up from 2-4 with the pelvic pain. It, of course, brings on the chest pain and other symptoms...especially if I need to pace to distract myself from it like I did last night. The OTC's are no longer helping but I refuse to ask for anything stronger until I know for sure where the pain is coming from. (Even then...I doubt if I would take anything beyond a stronger NSAID or a SAID).
Is it endometriosis, which I believe it to be, with adhesions on the left ovary? Or is it an ovarian cyst? A fibroid? Maybe it is just some normal stage of approaching menopause? God knows I have been flashing like crazy. It has been over 6 months now since it began to interrupt my sleep, and my life. My tolerance for it is diminishing.
If I know what is happening in pathophysiological terms I can cope much better with pain and other symptoms. I can use visualization and biofeedback etc...but like with my cardiac symptoms...I may never know for sure what is going on inside my body to the point I can begin to help myself. I may never get the answers I need.
I had an ultrasound done in December but because my bladder was not full enough I was told it wouldn't be definitive. She should have been able to measure the endometrium though. And I am assuming that was normal because I haven't heard anything about it.
So what is going on in there? If only I knew. I know I could cope with it so much better if I could understand what the physical problem is. I want to be able to see it in my mind. Anyway...it is what it is :) I feel much better today...tired and a little weak...but better. So I am grateful for that. It's all good now...and now is all there is.
One wonderful thing this pain does is it keeps me in the present moment. It makes me feel very much alive!
All is well in my world.
Rough night. Up from 2-4 with the pelvic pain. It, of course, brings on the chest pain and other symptoms...especially if I need to pace to distract myself from it like I did last night. The OTC's are no longer helping but I refuse to ask for anything stronger until I know for sure where the pain is coming from. (Even then...I doubt if I would take anything beyond a stronger NSAID or a SAID).
Is it endometriosis, which I believe it to be, with adhesions on the left ovary? Or is it an ovarian cyst? A fibroid? Maybe it is just some normal stage of approaching menopause? God knows I have been flashing like crazy. It has been over 6 months now since it began to interrupt my sleep, and my life. My tolerance for it is diminishing.
If I know what is happening in pathophysiological terms I can cope much better with pain and other symptoms. I can use visualization and biofeedback etc...but like with my cardiac symptoms...I may never know for sure what is going on inside my body to the point I can begin to help myself. I may never get the answers I need.
I had an ultrasound done in December but because my bladder was not full enough I was told it wouldn't be definitive. She should have been able to measure the endometrium though. And I am assuming that was normal because I haven't heard anything about it.
So what is going on in there? If only I knew. I know I could cope with it so much better if I could understand what the physical problem is. I want to be able to see it in my mind. Anyway...it is what it is :) I feel much better today...tired and a little weak...but better. So I am grateful for that. It's all good now...and now is all there is.
One wonderful thing this pain does is it keeps me in the present moment. It makes me feel very much alive!
All is well in my world.
Monday, January 30, 2017
Sometimes life's shadows are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
What Makes a Stormy Life
It is not that life is constantly throwing storm upon storm down on us that creates the perception of a stormy life. We are often not living the lives we want to live....are meant to live but it has little to do with luck or circumstance. One dark shadow is not mysteriously hovering over some of us and not others creating unfairness in life.
The sun, in fact, is always there shining brilliantly over all of us ...whether there is cloud cover or not. We just don't often "experience" it because we are being clouded by our minds. It is our egos, our unexpressed emotions, our attachments and our belief systems that stand in the way between us and the warmth of God's light. That's all.
The shadows exist only in our minds. We are standing in our own sunshine and looking down at the shadows on the ground...that we created...and blame life for always darkening or storming through our worlds. All we need to do is step out of the way sometimes to see that the light is indeed shining on us too.
Why do we not just get out of the way?
We have this pathological need as humans to control, fix, direct and harness all the resources in this physical world...including what God has placed within us. Ego convinces us not to trust in anyone or anything...that our happiness is all up to us and to fate.
"Be prepared for the worse...fight back...defend and attack when you are attacked...make your own light. Above all: Be strong and unyielding. " Ego shouts at us. We resist storms, circumstances and certain emotions because they make us "vulnerable". We do not like being vulnerable.
Instead of letting go and relaxing into life...whatever she has to offer...we judge, condemn, dig our feet in and resist with all the tension and might we can muster.
What happens then?
Do the storms of life back off? Or do we just break in pieces under the strain we created as all the tree branches did in the ice storm last week?
Isn't it ironic that the branches that did not break were the ones that graciously accepted the weight of snow and ice and bent accordingly? It is not our vulnerability that weakens us but our resistance to life. That resistance and need to fight back and control prevents her from making us stronger and able to bear her weight. Resistance is standing in your own way.
Learn to let go.
In order to feel the sunshine on our faces...we must learn to let go of our resistance and get beyond our old ways of being. We must give up some of our attachments to certain behaviours, emotions, beliefs and stand tall in our vulnerability. We must stop creating shadows and let life do what it is meant to do...shine on us with all her glory.
All is well in my world.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
What Makes a Stormy Life
It is not that life is constantly throwing storm upon storm down on us that creates the perception of a stormy life. We are often not living the lives we want to live....are meant to live but it has little to do with luck or circumstance. One dark shadow is not mysteriously hovering over some of us and not others creating unfairness in life.
The sun, in fact, is always there shining brilliantly over all of us ...whether there is cloud cover or not. We just don't often "experience" it because we are being clouded by our minds. It is our egos, our unexpressed emotions, our attachments and our belief systems that stand in the way between us and the warmth of God's light. That's all.
The shadows exist only in our minds. We are standing in our own sunshine and looking down at the shadows on the ground...that we created...and blame life for always darkening or storming through our worlds. All we need to do is step out of the way sometimes to see that the light is indeed shining on us too.
Why do we not just get out of the way?
We have this pathological need as humans to control, fix, direct and harness all the resources in this physical world...including what God has placed within us. Ego convinces us not to trust in anyone or anything...that our happiness is all up to us and to fate.
"Be prepared for the worse...fight back...defend and attack when you are attacked...make your own light. Above all: Be strong and unyielding. " Ego shouts at us. We resist storms, circumstances and certain emotions because they make us "vulnerable". We do not like being vulnerable.
Instead of letting go and relaxing into life...whatever she has to offer...we judge, condemn, dig our feet in and resist with all the tension and might we can muster.
What happens then?
Do the storms of life back off? Or do we just break in pieces under the strain we created as all the tree branches did in the ice storm last week?
Isn't it ironic that the branches that did not break were the ones that graciously accepted the weight of snow and ice and bent accordingly? It is not our vulnerability that weakens us but our resistance to life. That resistance and need to fight back and control prevents her from making us stronger and able to bear her weight. Resistance is standing in your own way.
Learn to let go.
In order to feel the sunshine on our faces...we must learn to let go of our resistance and get beyond our old ways of being. We must give up some of our attachments to certain behaviours, emotions, beliefs and stand tall in our vulnerability. We must stop creating shadows and let life do what it is meant to do...shine on us with all her glory.
All is well in my world.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Ice Storm 2017
There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.
Willa Cather
Learning from the Storm
My area is recovering from a wicked blast from nature. An ice storm descended upon us last Tuesday evening with a fury of wind and weather that led to a great deal of destruction. Thousands of people were left without power for days....some still do not have any. We were without electricity or water for three days here.
Making the Most of it
I did my best to look at the situation in a positive way and joked to my loved ones about how we were doing the "pioneer challenge ." Buckets of ice were not being thrown over our heads but over the heads of the beautiful trees and supporting structures around us. We, as a result, were being shoved back into those early days our ancestors endured as "normal". Stripped of electronic devices, we are much too attached to, we were forced to find other means to pass the time...and focused, like they did, on survival. Food, water and staying warm were our priorities.
When those things were at least minimally taken care of...we looked at each other over candle light as if for the first time and we talked face to face, we laughed and we played board games. We connected. We did not feel like victims because we knew we were no worse off than anyone else in the community. Almost everyone was doing the pioneer challenge whether they wanted to or not. In some unspoken way it brought the community away from "me" focus to "we" focus.
What a time for Pain to visit
At least for me that was partially true. I stayed very positive and almost found it "exciting" until exposure to the constant cold led to bout after bout of chest pain. My other little issue decided to make the experience even more challenging with shooting pain in my left groin that caused hot flash after hot flash making me have to strip the blankets off even in the below 0 temperatures. It was like the two pains and the two extremes of temperature were having a tag team wrestling match with me. I struggled on the third day to keep it together.
Not knowing when the power would return or when the pain would go away...I felt "overwhelmed" by life. I sought solace in mediation...in finding calm but I couldn't seem to "stop" myself from perceiving the entire experience more of a struggle than a challenge. When the power finally returned and with that the heat...my body though definitely weakened came around and I sighed in realization. It was not the calm...this time....that I was meant to learn from...but the storm itself.
What did the storm outside of me and the storm inside of me teach?
Willa Cather
Learning from the Storm
My area is recovering from a wicked blast from nature. An ice storm descended upon us last Tuesday evening with a fury of wind and weather that led to a great deal of destruction. Thousands of people were left without power for days....some still do not have any. We were without electricity or water for three days here.
Making the Most of it
I did my best to look at the situation in a positive way and joked to my loved ones about how we were doing the "pioneer challenge ." Buckets of ice were not being thrown over our heads but over the heads of the beautiful trees and supporting structures around us. We, as a result, were being shoved back into those early days our ancestors endured as "normal". Stripped of electronic devices, we are much too attached to, we were forced to find other means to pass the time...and focused, like they did, on survival. Food, water and staying warm were our priorities.
When those things were at least minimally taken care of...we looked at each other over candle light as if for the first time and we talked face to face, we laughed and we played board games. We connected. We did not feel like victims because we knew we were no worse off than anyone else in the community. Almost everyone was doing the pioneer challenge whether they wanted to or not. In some unspoken way it brought the community away from "me" focus to "we" focus.
What a time for Pain to visit
At least for me that was partially true. I stayed very positive and almost found it "exciting" until exposure to the constant cold led to bout after bout of chest pain. My other little issue decided to make the experience even more challenging with shooting pain in my left groin that caused hot flash after hot flash making me have to strip the blankets off even in the below 0 temperatures. It was like the two pains and the two extremes of temperature were having a tag team wrestling match with me. I struggled on the third day to keep it together.
Not knowing when the power would return or when the pain would go away...I felt "overwhelmed" by life. I sought solace in mediation...in finding calm but I couldn't seem to "stop" myself from perceiving the entire experience more of a struggle than a challenge. When the power finally returned and with that the heat...my body though definitely weakened came around and I sighed in realization. It was not the calm...this time....that I was meant to learn from...but the storm itself.
What did the storm outside of me and the storm inside of me teach?
- We take too much for granted: Water that flows freely from the taps ( warm water), toilets that flush, houses that are warm and welcoming, light that fills the room whenever we flick a switch, appliances that keep our food fresh or help us to prepare it and means of distraction and entertainment that are only a push of a button away. Do we appreciate it this enough? Or do we simply feel "entitled" to do what we wish with it...to waste it and take it for granted? An ice storm reminds us of how precious and fragile our energy sources are.
- Nature reminds us there is no "me". When these natural crisis's strike us, we are reminded that the me is so tiny and insignificant. It reminds us that there is a much bigger focus to protect and look after...the "we". Communities are brought together and selfish quests for preservation give way to what is best for all.
- Life is indeed a beautiful struggle. There may be so much destruction but there is also so much beauty in an ice storm...so much beauty in nature even though she can be harsh. The struggle, the destruction...just reminds us of the beautiful fragility of life. Pain reminds us not to take one second of this gift we have been given fro granted.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Monday, January 23, 2017
I can see clearly now....
Your vision will become clear only after you look inside your heart. Who looks outside dreams. Who looks inside awakens.
Carl Jung (Famous Freudian psychoanalyst and dream analyst...and my mentor through teachings)
I am still stuck on clarity. That little experience I had a couple of days ago has led to a lot of thinking. It was an aha moment in many ways.
In physical terms, I could see clearly for a few moments and that led me to think about how much of our five senses are limited by our "thinking". If I truly believed I could not see well...I wouldn't see well. If I believed I could, I would. People with dissociative fugue, for example, will have different levels of ability and limitation as they flip from one personality to another. One personality may have 20/20 vision and the other may hardly be able to see. Why? Same body...just different ego generated belief systems.
The all powerful belief comes into play. I have developed a belief, over the years, that my vision is poor...so my body obeys my belief, muting colour and texture...limiting my ability to see the world clearly. Working with my photos has brought that world of clear vision back to me. I was constantly seeing my photos so clearly in my mind and when I was walking in the woods the other day I "forgot" that the world around me wasn't a photo. I forgot I could not see clearly. I was remembering how beautiful contrast makes the world. I saw contrast with the greatest acuity as if I was viewing an image enlarged on my computer screen. It wasn't magic...well I think all things from a sunset to a baby's smile are magical...but you know what I mean. I simply remembered what it was like to step beyond the belief system of limitation and into the "real" world of possibility. I got beyond my belief in limited eye sight.
Placebo and Nocebo
I have talked about the placebo and nocebo effect in great detail in this blog. This was just an other example of how powerful "limiting" belief is in generating physical changes in the body. We are what we think! We can take this one little experience further...if belief can affect vision ...it can affect health in general.
All illness is psychosomatic to some extent, is it not?
Of course, going from illness to health is not that simple. It is not going to happen with a click of the fingers or a magical chant. One can not dispute how powerful belief is...how ingrained in our subconscious minds this belief that we are limited is Changing belief does not happen overnight. It may happen if you have a lot of consecutive experiences like I did the other day but how often do we get those?
The more we are guided by a belief in limitation...the less likely we are to experience them at all or at least to notice them. It was grace that allowed me to see for a moment a clear vision of beauty. In that moment I held the door open and was willing to receive her.
Too often I do not notice grace when she pops in for a visit. I am too busy feeding the guests in my mind that have moved in: beliefs of unworthiness, human limitation, illness, separation, death etc etc etc.
I went out to the woods yesterday with my camera in hope of capturing the world in that clarity I experienced the day before. It wasn't as clear. I allowed myself, once again, to be dominated by old belief patterns.:( . I am not giving up. I want to understand this phenomenon more. I "believe" we have the power to change our lives if we change what we believe. I am determined to get beyond the limitations of my body and to help others do the same..
In psychological terms, my little aha moment has left my mind spiralling. I have been on a mission forever...trying to understand how to get beyond this idea of suffering in life...how to find peace . The clarity I received that afternoon was so brilliant. Life is a series of contrasts. It consists of highlights, vibrant hues and saturations of white but what makes those things stand out are the dark shadows, the blackness. Without challenge, set back, and hardship life wouldn't be as beautiful. It would just be an overexposed photo with no clarity to it. Challenge brings clarity. Contrast brings clarity. We need both! That is what makes life beautiful.
In spiritual terms, the only way to get clarity...true clarity...is to go inward. Beliefs are generated from the outside and internalized. We need to take what was internalized from the beginning...that which hides beneath the layers of ego generated beliefs...and bring that to the surface if we want the world to be clearer and to see clearer. :)
Carl Jung (Famous Freudian psychoanalyst and dream analyst...and my mentor through teachings)
I am still stuck on clarity. That little experience I had a couple of days ago has led to a lot of thinking. It was an aha moment in many ways.
In physical terms, I could see clearly for a few moments and that led me to think about how much of our five senses are limited by our "thinking". If I truly believed I could not see well...I wouldn't see well. If I believed I could, I would. People with dissociative fugue, for example, will have different levels of ability and limitation as they flip from one personality to another. One personality may have 20/20 vision and the other may hardly be able to see. Why? Same body...just different ego generated belief systems.
The all powerful belief comes into play. I have developed a belief, over the years, that my vision is poor...so my body obeys my belief, muting colour and texture...limiting my ability to see the world clearly. Working with my photos has brought that world of clear vision back to me. I was constantly seeing my photos so clearly in my mind and when I was walking in the woods the other day I "forgot" that the world around me wasn't a photo. I forgot I could not see clearly. I was remembering how beautiful contrast makes the world. I saw contrast with the greatest acuity as if I was viewing an image enlarged on my computer screen. It wasn't magic...well I think all things from a sunset to a baby's smile are magical...but you know what I mean. I simply remembered what it was like to step beyond the belief system of limitation and into the "real" world of possibility. I got beyond my belief in limited eye sight.
Placebo and Nocebo
I have talked about the placebo and nocebo effect in great detail in this blog. This was just an other example of how powerful "limiting" belief is in generating physical changes in the body. We are what we think! We can take this one little experience further...if belief can affect vision ...it can affect health in general.
All illness is psychosomatic to some extent, is it not?
Of course, going from illness to health is not that simple. It is not going to happen with a click of the fingers or a magical chant. One can not dispute how powerful belief is...how ingrained in our subconscious minds this belief that we are limited is Changing belief does not happen overnight. It may happen if you have a lot of consecutive experiences like I did the other day but how often do we get those?
The more we are guided by a belief in limitation...the less likely we are to experience them at all or at least to notice them. It was grace that allowed me to see for a moment a clear vision of beauty. In that moment I held the door open and was willing to receive her.
Too often I do not notice grace when she pops in for a visit. I am too busy feeding the guests in my mind that have moved in: beliefs of unworthiness, human limitation, illness, separation, death etc etc etc.
I went out to the woods yesterday with my camera in hope of capturing the world in that clarity I experienced the day before. It wasn't as clear. I allowed myself, once again, to be dominated by old belief patterns.:( . I am not giving up. I want to understand this phenomenon more. I "believe" we have the power to change our lives if we change what we believe. I am determined to get beyond the limitations of my body and to help others do the same..
In psychological terms, my little aha moment has left my mind spiralling. I have been on a mission forever...trying to understand how to get beyond this idea of suffering in life...how to find peace . The clarity I received that afternoon was so brilliant. Life is a series of contrasts. It consists of highlights, vibrant hues and saturations of white but what makes those things stand out are the dark shadows, the blackness. Without challenge, set back, and hardship life wouldn't be as beautiful. It would just be an overexposed photo with no clarity to it. Challenge brings clarity. Contrast brings clarity. We need both! That is what makes life beautiful.
In spiritual terms, the only way to get clarity...true clarity...is to go inward. Beliefs are generated from the outside and internalized. We need to take what was internalized from the beginning...that which hides beneath the layers of ego generated beliefs...and bring that to the surface if we want the world to be clearer and to see clearer. :)
Awakening is remembering who we really are and from Whom we came. When we remember, we realize there never was any such thing as limitation.
All is well in my world!
All is well in my world!
Sunday, January 22, 2017
A Moment of Clarity
For the greatest beauty always lies in the greatest clarity.
Gotthold Ephrain Lessing (German writer during the enlightenment years of the late 1700's)
Clarity
I had a divine moment of clarity yesterday. Previous to this moment I was having trouble with my vision. Everything has been a bit hazy and blurry for months now...some days worse than others. I have been struggling to read, to photograph ( when I do) and driving at night is an absolute nightmare.
Unable to afford the physical and financial expense of looking into the cause of this and to purchase new glasses ( until recently...found a very cost effective optical store on line), I have accepted my lack of visual acuity.
I guess, I came to forget what I was missing...that is until I go to Light Room and Photoshop and pull out my raw photos, frig a bit with highlights and shadows...whites and blacks...clarity etc...and boom...I see the world in an amazing new way. Every bit of texture, colour and contrast shows up and it floors me each and every time. I see just how beautiful the world really is.
Seeing Clearly
Well yesterday we were walking in the woods with the dogs. I was seeing the world around me as I usually do. I was grateful for what I could see...it was indeed lovely. I think I said "thank you" in my head for the opportunity to be surrounded by the magnificent snow capped trees and to see the dogs playing in the snow and to have my man beside me.
Then suddenly out of nowhere it was like I was in a Light Room image and someone was turning up the clarity. Texture and colour popped out of the trees. I could suddenly see every ridge, every crevice on the bark. The white of the snow looked so white. The blacks that created perfect shadows looked so black. Contrast between the trees and snow suddenly was amazing...vibrant. I looked at the dogs and could see them so clearly like I do in my enlarged photos. Their eyes were shining with light. It was like my eyes became my camera and the world I was walking through at that moment one of my photos.
It was such a surreal experience. I was in awe as I stood there and looked around me. My man must have thought I was crazy because I couldn't articulate what I was seeing in words. I regretted that I did not have my actual camera with me at that moment ...because I thought...if I can shoot clear pictures with eyes that see poorly...imagine what I could give the world with eyes that saw like they did yesterday! Everything was so very clear and I did not need any post processing program to make it so.
It didn't last.
I am struggling to see clearly now but I am so grateful for that moment of visual clarity yesterday for it taught me many things:
All is well in my world.
Gotthold Ephrain Lessing (German writer during the enlightenment years of the late 1700's)
Clarity
I had a divine moment of clarity yesterday. Previous to this moment I was having trouble with my vision. Everything has been a bit hazy and blurry for months now...some days worse than others. I have been struggling to read, to photograph ( when I do) and driving at night is an absolute nightmare.
Unable to afford the physical and financial expense of looking into the cause of this and to purchase new glasses ( until recently...found a very cost effective optical store on line), I have accepted my lack of visual acuity.
I guess, I came to forget what I was missing...that is until I go to Light Room and Photoshop and pull out my raw photos, frig a bit with highlights and shadows...whites and blacks...clarity etc...and boom...I see the world in an amazing new way. Every bit of texture, colour and contrast shows up and it floors me each and every time. I see just how beautiful the world really is.
Seeing Clearly
Well yesterday we were walking in the woods with the dogs. I was seeing the world around me as I usually do. I was grateful for what I could see...it was indeed lovely. I think I said "thank you" in my head for the opportunity to be surrounded by the magnificent snow capped trees and to see the dogs playing in the snow and to have my man beside me.
Then suddenly out of nowhere it was like I was in a Light Room image and someone was turning up the clarity. Texture and colour popped out of the trees. I could suddenly see every ridge, every crevice on the bark. The white of the snow looked so white. The blacks that created perfect shadows looked so black. Contrast between the trees and snow suddenly was amazing...vibrant. I looked at the dogs and could see them so clearly like I do in my enlarged photos. Their eyes were shining with light. It was like my eyes became my camera and the world I was walking through at that moment one of my photos.
It was such a surreal experience. I was in awe as I stood there and looked around me. My man must have thought I was crazy because I couldn't articulate what I was seeing in words. I regretted that I did not have my actual camera with me at that moment ...because I thought...if I can shoot clear pictures with eyes that see poorly...imagine what I could give the world with eyes that saw like they did yesterday! Everything was so very clear and I did not need any post processing program to make it so.
It didn't last.
I am struggling to see clearly now but I am so grateful for that moment of visual clarity yesterday for it taught me many things:
- I need to do something about my eyes. If the new glasses I ordered do not do something...I will have to look into it. I want to see like I did yesterday!
- I am meant to photograph...that is what ran through my head as it was happening. I need to bring clear beauty to the world because there is so much truth in it's rawness!
- I want truth in my life...the "real" for though there are shadows and dark things...that contrast brings so much to the light...shadows and highlights of life work together as partners....they work together to create what is real. That is what clarity is.
- I want clarity in my photos and in my understanding of life! I think I received a sign that it was coming. :)
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Cranky?
I am old enough and cranky enough now, that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it!
Dolly Parton (From Brainy Quote)
Cranky!!!
I do not know why I am but I am irritable today. I try to step outside myself a bit to "observe" this crankiness in action.
I am picking out trivial annoyances in others and turning them into faults and failings...I am obsessing on them and collecting them as grievances. I hate drama and have always been annoyed by it, determined to sift through it for factual evidence... but now I seem to have it in my voice as I set down the household and dog rearing laws like I have a right too. Three days ago, I would not have thought twice about these things.
My head is heavy...my limbs reluctant and resistant when I push them through the sun salutations....my chest is tight. I do not want to be bothered, touched or even spoken to maybe. I am aware of all this so I can contain it all beneath a tight smile as I chastise myself for not thinking kinder and more loving thoughts.
Why am I cranky?
Because I am sure that you can relate. At some point in your life you were feeling cranky, irritable, snappy with others. Is it not in our human condition to become "annoyed?" Why do we become so? I believe all emotions, especially the not so pleasant ones, are messengers...carrying an important message that we will benefit from reading closely. Feeling "annoyed" tells us we are resisting something in our present moment. It is not the feeling tired but the resistance to fatigue that makes us annoyed. It is not the fact that people, things, life are so imperfect they cause suffering that annoys us, but the resistance to it. It is not the physical and emotional discomfort that comes with diet and life change that annoys us, but our resistance to it. Resistance=crankiness. It is that simple.:)
What do we do when we feel cranky?
We don't resist it because we know that what we resist persists. There is a simple little plan I try to follow when I am feeling out of sorts like this. :
Dolly Parton (From Brainy Quote)
Cranky!!!
I do not know why I am but I am irritable today. I try to step outside myself a bit to "observe" this crankiness in action.
I am picking out trivial annoyances in others and turning them into faults and failings...I am obsessing on them and collecting them as grievances. I hate drama and have always been annoyed by it, determined to sift through it for factual evidence... but now I seem to have it in my voice as I set down the household and dog rearing laws like I have a right too. Three days ago, I would not have thought twice about these things.
My head is heavy...my limbs reluctant and resistant when I push them through the sun salutations....my chest is tight. I do not want to be bothered, touched or even spoken to maybe. I am aware of all this so I can contain it all beneath a tight smile as I chastise myself for not thinking kinder and more loving thoughts.
Why am I cranky?
- I am tired as I always get after my two mornings of work. Saturdays are usually recovery days.
- I am watching too many episodes of Borgia where I witness the characters of historical figures taking their crankiness to new heights. :) Maybe its contagious. lol
- I am consuming sugar and caffeine again even if it is only in low and moderate doses.
- People aren't perfect...they forget things, make little mistakes and when we see these little things we blow them up and out of proportion because we are reminded of our own imperfections. I am a firm believer that what we find annoying in others is actually what we find annoying in ourselves. It is not that I cannot accept these minor imperfections in the people and things around me...it is that I cannot accept them in myself.
- And it is these hormones that I thought, a month ago, were finally tamed and subdued lol. They aren't!!! They are jumping and leaping around my endocrine system like fleas on a lousy dog. Is this the moodiness woman complain about in menopause? Oh man...what has my future got in store for me?
Because I am sure that you can relate. At some point in your life you were feeling cranky, irritable, snappy with others. Is it not in our human condition to become "annoyed?" Why do we become so? I believe all emotions, especially the not so pleasant ones, are messengers...carrying an important message that we will benefit from reading closely. Feeling "annoyed" tells us we are resisting something in our present moment. It is not the feeling tired but the resistance to fatigue that makes us annoyed. It is not the fact that people, things, life are so imperfect they cause suffering that annoys us, but the resistance to it. It is not the physical and emotional discomfort that comes with diet and life change that annoys us, but our resistance to it. Resistance=crankiness. It is that simple.:)
What do we do when we feel cranky?
We don't resist it because we know that what we resist persists. There is a simple little plan I try to follow when I am feeling out of sorts like this. :
- Identify the emotion without becoming identified by the emotion. Become aware of what is felt and label it as something you feel instead of something you are...in this case I say out loud, "I feel cranky" instead of "I am cranky!!!"
- Watch the emotion and your behaviour as an observer. Become aware not only of how you are feeling but how you are responding to it. I see myself on some movie screen in my mind. What are you doing? What are you thinking? How are you acting?
- Ask, "Why am I feeling cranky"? Determine what it is, on the surface level, that seems to be annoying and causing the feeling
- Dig a little deeper. Remind self that what is on the outside is just a reflection of what is on the inside. Though it seems that the behaviour of someone else or the circumstances I find myself in are the source of my annoyance...they aren't. It is my perception and then my resistance to it that is the source of the problem...so I remind myself of that.
- Own it: I say " I feel cranky!" out loud to identify the emotion but also to "own" it. I want the others around me to know that my perceptions and actions at the time of my annoyances has little if anything to do with them. I am responsible for how I feel and therefore accountable for any thoughts or actions against others it may lead me toward.
- Remind self that: This too shall pass. Your irritability will not last forever and either will mine. Emotions are temporary and fleeting for the most part. If it lasts for an extended period of time...get help. It's okay...just talk to someone about it.
- Accept it and let it pass through this moment of your life. It's all good. It is just an emotion...it is neither good or bad, right or wrong...it just is. Just let it be...watch it as an observer, come up with the obvious reasons that seem to be causing the feeling and take it a step further to knowing that it is all basically in your mind and therefore your responsibility. Stop resisting it and just let it be.
Friday, January 20, 2017
We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.
Maya Angelou
I can't remember who said it exactly but I had once heard life being described as the "beautiful struggle." Hardship, struggle and challenge bring change and if accepted and learned from, can bring beauty and strength.
Metamorphosis is a painful process...maybe it is meant to be. Or is it just that we interpret it as painful?
Do you think that the butterfly would describe its own process of change as "suffering", if it could, or would she simply say, "I am in transition"?
Do we just assume, expect and perceive suffering in our limited focused minds when we look upon such drastic change?
Hmm! Something to think about.
All is well in my world.
Maya Angelou
I can't remember who said it exactly but I had once heard life being described as the "beautiful struggle." Hardship, struggle and challenge bring change and if accepted and learned from, can bring beauty and strength.
Metamorphosis is a painful process...maybe it is meant to be. Or is it just that we interpret it as painful?
Do you think that the butterfly would describe its own process of change as "suffering", if it could, or would she simply say, "I am in transition"?
Do we just assume, expect and perceive suffering in our limited focused minds when we look upon such drastic change?
Hmm! Something to think about.
All is well in my world.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
To sense is not to know. And truth can be but filled with knowledge, and with nothing else.
ACIM
It is all good. Do we all not want truth more than anything else in our lives? I mean...the truth of knowing what is real and what isn't? This truth brings a peace we are here to experience. All we perceive with our five senses are environmental signals necessary for our survival but they are not truth. Truth extends beyond the physical, beyond what can be seen, heard, touched, tasted and smelled to a certain "knowing" that few of us have tapped into. I want that knowing. :)
All is well in my world.
ACIM
It is all good. Do we all not want truth more than anything else in our lives? I mean...the truth of knowing what is real and what isn't? This truth brings a peace we are here to experience. All we perceive with our five senses are environmental signals necessary for our survival but they are not truth. Truth extends beyond the physical, beyond what can be seen, heard, touched, tasted and smelled to a certain "knowing" that few of us have tapped into. I want that knowing. :)
All is well in my world.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
You have become responsible forever for whom you have trained.
Unknown
The Responsibility of Dog Ownership
Awe!!! Dog ownership requires a great deal of responsibility.
The owners and the owners alone are responsible for the behaviour of a dog. I know that.
Dogs do dog things like chase and bark and protect. Unfortunately they cannot make the distinction between a dangerous intruder and a child walking to the bus stop or the next door neighbor running past their yard. They will puff up their gruff and bark menacingly...and if that intruder runs...they will chase their prey. That is natural and instinctive behaviour for most dogs. If there is more than one dog present...pack behavior develops and dogs will follow the dominant dog.
It creates an awful scary and threatening situation for the child or the runner to see dogs, whether they be one or more, chasing after them. The "prey" is not going to realize that their running is leading to the chase. Who is responsible for preventing and correcting this...the owner! Awe!!!!.
The Neighborhood Society
And there is a certain social behaviour that develops in most neighborhoods. People tend to unknowingly look for scapegoats and black sheep...people who go against the social order and do things that give the neighbours something to point a finger at or complain about. The more "awful" the thing...the more they too will pack together like dogs with the intent of chasing the offender away. This, I suppose, is an instinctive social pattern of group behaviour...
"Gatekeeping" I believe it is called. It is meant to protect the social group. I have never been a "great" neighbour. I have let my lawn grow heavy with dandelions. I do not socialize much and prefer to keep to myself. Throw on top of that...a crazy woman with a bunch of dogs who chase after neighbours...and someone who speaks up, loudly in defense of such gatekeeping, and boom I am a target for ostracization. Which I understand and accept.
It is legally and socially my responsibility to ensure that my dogs are not demonstrating "threatening" behaviour. They were and they are.
Breaking the Social Rules
Well, in the last two days the same young neighborhood girl was threatened "twice" by three of the dogs. She was barked at and chased by one dog yesterday making her run into her yard. And the two other dogs went after her this morning while she was heading to the bus stop making her scream and turn around to run towards home. A host of neighbours at the bus stop were there to witness the event. The poor thing was scared and I feel terrible for her! I, being the owner of this house and therefore the co-owner of these dogs am completely responsible.
Bound to Happen
I knew it was bound to happen with our dogs. I was a nervous wreck since the incident with the neighbour in July. They are beautiful, friendly and loving dogs around us but I do understand dog behaviour.
For the most part, we are very good dog owners. I was, however, never sure if I could handle the dogs physically the way I wanted to out there or around others. I was hypervigalent and on guard whenever the dogs were out or I knew someone was coming to the house. I was "stressed". (That of course would have been picked up by the dogs) I tried training. We kept them tied or on leash whenever they went outside even to pee. We exercised them twice a day off leash in the woods to keep energy and natural aggression down. We were so cautious...that is....until it got cold.
Then things changed. The tie- outs got frozen and buried and my inability to face the cold without chest pain to take them out led to a letting them out at certain times of the day to pee etc while I watched from the window. I insisted they be out only at certain times when there were be no neighbours or children around and that they be let out one at a time so there was no packing but we gradually slacked off with that. (As people tend to do...we gravitate towards what is easier and as long as the status quo remains...deny the potential hazards our slacking off can cause. Do we not?)
Well what I feared, has happened once again.
The Bad Guy
I am okay with being the "bad guy" in the neighborhood and the target of gossip and contempt for I deserve a lot of it but this leaves me so unsettled. As far as I know, the dog did nothing more than bark but the risk is always there for more, isn't there, when dogs are in packs? I could not live with the idea of my dogs biting someone...scaring them is bad enough.
Anyway, I will be expecting a phone call, a visit from animal control or something today as I understand fully and accept. I just do not know where we are to go from here with the dogs. If I get a visit from animal control, I am afraid that decision may be made for us. The dogs will then suffer for something we had the power to prevent. I don't know if I could live with that either.
Here I am jumping the gun...creating scenarios in my head that might not even transpire. I must simply wait until I know more. And I must apologize to the little girl and her family somehow.
All is well.
Unknown
The Responsibility of Dog Ownership
Awe!!! Dog ownership requires a great deal of responsibility.
The owners and the owners alone are responsible for the behaviour of a dog. I know that.
Dogs do dog things like chase and bark and protect. Unfortunately they cannot make the distinction between a dangerous intruder and a child walking to the bus stop or the next door neighbor running past their yard. They will puff up their gruff and bark menacingly...and if that intruder runs...they will chase their prey. That is natural and instinctive behaviour for most dogs. If there is more than one dog present...pack behavior develops and dogs will follow the dominant dog.
It creates an awful scary and threatening situation for the child or the runner to see dogs, whether they be one or more, chasing after them. The "prey" is not going to realize that their running is leading to the chase. Who is responsible for preventing and correcting this...the owner! Awe!!!!.
The Neighborhood Society
And there is a certain social behaviour that develops in most neighborhoods. People tend to unknowingly look for scapegoats and black sheep...people who go against the social order and do things that give the neighbours something to point a finger at or complain about. The more "awful" the thing...the more they too will pack together like dogs with the intent of chasing the offender away. This, I suppose, is an instinctive social pattern of group behaviour...
"Gatekeeping" I believe it is called. It is meant to protect the social group. I have never been a "great" neighbour. I have let my lawn grow heavy with dandelions. I do not socialize much and prefer to keep to myself. Throw on top of that...a crazy woman with a bunch of dogs who chase after neighbours...and someone who speaks up, loudly in defense of such gatekeeping, and boom I am a target for ostracization. Which I understand and accept.
It is legally and socially my responsibility to ensure that my dogs are not demonstrating "threatening" behaviour. They were and they are.
Breaking the Social Rules
Well, in the last two days the same young neighborhood girl was threatened "twice" by three of the dogs. She was barked at and chased by one dog yesterday making her run into her yard. And the two other dogs went after her this morning while she was heading to the bus stop making her scream and turn around to run towards home. A host of neighbours at the bus stop were there to witness the event. The poor thing was scared and I feel terrible for her! I, being the owner of this house and therefore the co-owner of these dogs am completely responsible.
Bound to Happen
I knew it was bound to happen with our dogs. I was a nervous wreck since the incident with the neighbour in July. They are beautiful, friendly and loving dogs around us but I do understand dog behaviour.
For the most part, we are very good dog owners. I was, however, never sure if I could handle the dogs physically the way I wanted to out there or around others. I was hypervigalent and on guard whenever the dogs were out or I knew someone was coming to the house. I was "stressed". (That of course would have been picked up by the dogs) I tried training. We kept them tied or on leash whenever they went outside even to pee. We exercised them twice a day off leash in the woods to keep energy and natural aggression down. We were so cautious...that is....until it got cold.
Then things changed. The tie- outs got frozen and buried and my inability to face the cold without chest pain to take them out led to a letting them out at certain times of the day to pee etc while I watched from the window. I insisted they be out only at certain times when there were be no neighbours or children around and that they be let out one at a time so there was no packing but we gradually slacked off with that. (As people tend to do...we gravitate towards what is easier and as long as the status quo remains...deny the potential hazards our slacking off can cause. Do we not?)
Well what I feared, has happened once again.
The Bad Guy
I am okay with being the "bad guy" in the neighborhood and the target of gossip and contempt for I deserve a lot of it but this leaves me so unsettled. As far as I know, the dog did nothing more than bark but the risk is always there for more, isn't there, when dogs are in packs? I could not live with the idea of my dogs biting someone...scaring them is bad enough.
Anyway, I will be expecting a phone call, a visit from animal control or something today as I understand fully and accept. I just do not know where we are to go from here with the dogs. If I get a visit from animal control, I am afraid that decision may be made for us. The dogs will then suffer for something we had the power to prevent. I don't know if I could live with that either.
Here I am jumping the gun...creating scenarios in my head that might not even transpire. I must simply wait until I know more. And I must apologize to the little girl and her family somehow.
All is well.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
A dreamer is one who can only find her way by moonlight.
Oscar Wilde
About the photo:
This was a crop that I took to Light Room. I think for some reason it was automatically converted to a DNG file from RAW ( not my intention). When I was shooting...I shot in Aperture Priority. I really did not frig with the F stop or the SS but my camera data tells me...it was shot with an F stop of 1/5.6 and a shutter of 1/60. What gets me is that I have my ISO sensitivity set at 3200 but the data shows me that this photo is an ISO of 6400. Was it shot that high or was it converted to the 6400 by LR without my knowing? Is that is what is happening during highlighting and clarity improvement? It is almost like my D7100 took over or I have a lot to learn about the post processing procedure lol. As you can see...an ISO of 6400 makes the photo quite grainy???
What else is wrong? There is way too much shadow around the tree...the more I highlighted the moon the darker it got...the more I frigged with the shadows...the less of the moon's brightness I got. The moon was really illuminating that night and that is what I wanted to capture so I focused more on that. It is a vast improvement from the original...regardless.
THERE IS SO MUCH TO LEARN!!!! lol I desire, I imagine, and I will that I will create. I will display great photos someday. :)
All is well!
Oscar Wilde
About the photo:
This was a crop that I took to Light Room. I think for some reason it was automatically converted to a DNG file from RAW ( not my intention). When I was shooting...I shot in Aperture Priority. I really did not frig with the F stop or the SS but my camera data tells me...it was shot with an F stop of 1/5.6 and a shutter of 1/60. What gets me is that I have my ISO sensitivity set at 3200 but the data shows me that this photo is an ISO of 6400. Was it shot that high or was it converted to the 6400 by LR without my knowing? Is that is what is happening during highlighting and clarity improvement? It is almost like my D7100 took over or I have a lot to learn about the post processing procedure lol. As you can see...an ISO of 6400 makes the photo quite grainy???
What else is wrong? There is way too much shadow around the tree...the more I highlighted the moon the darker it got...the more I frigged with the shadows...the less of the moon's brightness I got. The moon was really illuminating that night and that is what I wanted to capture so I focused more on that. It is a vast improvement from the original...regardless.
THERE IS SO MUCH TO LEARN!!!! lol I desire, I imagine, and I will that I will create. I will display great photos someday. :)
All is well!
Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last you create what you will.
George Bernard Shaw
Wow! Those are powerful words coming from a Nobel prize winning playwright aren't they? The plays he wrote began in his imagination and were soon acted out upon stages across the world. More importantly his dream of writing and succeeding at his writing began in his imagination and soon became reality. Why?
1.Imagine what is desired. This famous playwright knew what it was that he desired and he imagined it becoming reality. It is said that our bodies and minds cannot really tell the difference between what is imagined and what is actually happening before our open and awake eyes. The more we dream, the more we imagine the more this thin line between imagination and actuality blurs. Know what you want. Be as vivid as possible in your mind...picturing, visualizing, and feeling what it is you desire. Live it mentally a million times before you experience it physically and you will eventually touch, taste and know your dream.
2. Will what is imagined. Shaw intended that his plays would be watched by thousands. He willed it. Intention is not an asking or a pleading for...intention is a determined stance that shouts out to the world: I am writing wonderful plays and people are watching them. I am receiving a Nobel prize for my plays. I am successful, long before success is realized. There is no "if" in intention...just "I am." One imagines and thinks, feels and acts as if the dream is already a reality .
3. Create what is willed. What Shaw desired, imagined and willed showed up as part of him knew it would. Faith in the process will lead to creation. Our minds can wreak a lot of havoc in our lives or they can work to our benefit. We can use them to create beautiful and wonderful things for ourselves and for the world...if we only take the time to learn how.
All is well in my world.
George Bernard Shaw
Wow! Those are powerful words coming from a Nobel prize winning playwright aren't they? The plays he wrote began in his imagination and were soon acted out upon stages across the world. More importantly his dream of writing and succeeding at his writing began in his imagination and soon became reality. Why?
1.Imagine what is desired. This famous playwright knew what it was that he desired and he imagined it becoming reality. It is said that our bodies and minds cannot really tell the difference between what is imagined and what is actually happening before our open and awake eyes. The more we dream, the more we imagine the more this thin line between imagination and actuality blurs. Know what you want. Be as vivid as possible in your mind...picturing, visualizing, and feeling what it is you desire. Live it mentally a million times before you experience it physically and you will eventually touch, taste and know your dream.
2. Will what is imagined. Shaw intended that his plays would be watched by thousands. He willed it. Intention is not an asking or a pleading for...intention is a determined stance that shouts out to the world: I am writing wonderful plays and people are watching them. I am receiving a Nobel prize for my plays. I am successful, long before success is realized. There is no "if" in intention...just "I am." One imagines and thinks, feels and acts as if the dream is already a reality .
3. Create what is willed. What Shaw desired, imagined and willed showed up as part of him knew it would. Faith in the process will lead to creation. Our minds can wreak a lot of havoc in our lives or they can work to our benefit. We can use them to create beautiful and wonderful things for ourselves and for the world...if we only take the time to learn how.
All is well in my world.
Monday, January 16, 2017
There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It is why you are born. And how you become the most alive.
Oprah Winfrey
Living on purpose
I know...I know...I am still on this kick about living on purpose. Imagine what we would feel like if we knew that everything we did was exactly what we were supposed to do? That every step we took was leading us to a higher plane? That there was no need to be indecisive...fearful...doubting or unsure...?
Life would certainly look different then, wouldn't it? How many moments a day do we ask the questions: Is this the right thing to do? Should I do that? Should I change this? What should I do next? Where should I go? Why did I do that? Did I make a mistake? Is this best for me? Is this best for them? etc etc. What if we just knew what it was we were supposed to do and we did it with all the gusto we could muster? Life would be different then, wouldn't it?
How do we know what our calling is?
That may take some thoughtful questioning, as above, before we know. We need to know who we are...what kind of things make us happy, make time slip by quickly...touch others. One simple way to tune into this is to be mindful of what types of things, people and situations catch our attention on a daily basis. What attracts us is where our mental focus lies. Just keep an eye out.
Anyway...running out of steam here...will catch up with you later. All is well!
Oprah Winfrey
Living on purpose
I know...I know...I am still on this kick about living on purpose. Imagine what we would feel like if we knew that everything we did was exactly what we were supposed to do? That every step we took was leading us to a higher plane? That there was no need to be indecisive...fearful...doubting or unsure...?
Life would certainly look different then, wouldn't it? How many moments a day do we ask the questions: Is this the right thing to do? Should I do that? Should I change this? What should I do next? Where should I go? Why did I do that? Did I make a mistake? Is this best for me? Is this best for them? etc etc. What if we just knew what it was we were supposed to do and we did it with all the gusto we could muster? Life would be different then, wouldn't it?
How do we know what our calling is?
That may take some thoughtful questioning, as above, before we know. We need to know who we are...what kind of things make us happy, make time slip by quickly...touch others. One simple way to tune into this is to be mindful of what types of things, people and situations catch our attention on a daily basis. What attracts us is where our mental focus lies. Just keep an eye out.
Anyway...running out of steam here...will catch up with you later. All is well!
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Don't forget what you came to do
...as if a king had sent you to a foreign country with a task to perform. You go and perform many other tasks. But if you fail to perform the task for which you were sent, it will be as if you had done nothing at all.
Rumi
The Quote
I love this quote. I came a cross it in a book by Carol Adrienne entitled Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life. (Quill; 1999). The book is an intuitive directed guide to helping readers find what that special purpose is that they were born for.
A Special Purpose?
Do you believe that you have a special purpose? Do you think that you came into this life with a divinely supported mission? Or do you believe that what you accomplish while alive is all randomly directed by chance and opportunity ( or lack of)?
I believe...and no...I do not know...but I believe ( or at least want to believe) that we all have special missions. Not all will be elaborate and world changing as finding the cure for cancer or composing a piece of music or literature that will inspire and heal all humans from suffering...but we all have something important to do....something that will make the world a better place.
We may flitter around through life doing a million different things but if those things are not in sync with what we are here to do, we will feel a sense of emptiness in the core of our being. We are only truly fulfilled, according to Adrienne, when we are living on purpose.
How will we know if we are on purpose:
Too many of us get caught off track by habit, thought, trying to keep up with the Joneses...that we "forget" why we are here. We sometimes need to spend time attempting to remember...especially if we feel empty and unfulfilled. Rediscover what that purpose is...what that dream is that burns inside you...and live it.
We have only so much time in this life to do what the King has sent us to do. Let's do it! We will be happier for it and the world will be a better place!
All is well in my world.
Resources:
Adrienne, Carol ( 1999) Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life. New York: Quill
Rumi
The Quote
I love this quote. I came a cross it in a book by Carol Adrienne entitled Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life. (Quill; 1999). The book is an intuitive directed guide to helping readers find what that special purpose is that they were born for.
A Special Purpose?
Do you believe that you have a special purpose? Do you think that you came into this life with a divinely supported mission? Or do you believe that what you accomplish while alive is all randomly directed by chance and opportunity ( or lack of)?
I believe...and no...I do not know...but I believe ( or at least want to believe) that we all have special missions. Not all will be elaborate and world changing as finding the cure for cancer or composing a piece of music or literature that will inspire and heal all humans from suffering...but we all have something important to do....something that will make the world a better place.
We may flitter around through life doing a million different things but if those things are not in sync with what we are here to do, we will feel a sense of emptiness in the core of our being. We are only truly fulfilled, according to Adrienne, when we are living on purpose.
How will we know if we are on purpose:
- We will feel passionate about what we are doing. work will be effortless, fun and exciting.
- We will know we are providing a service to the world
- We will feel in tune with what we are doing, motivated, absorbed, resourceful and energized.
- Fear will no longer be holding us back. We will have this sense that we can handle anything.
- Life will open up to us when we do what it asks us to do: things will work out, money will flow in, people will show up at the right time and in the right places
Too many of us get caught off track by habit, thought, trying to keep up with the Joneses...that we "forget" why we are here. We sometimes need to spend time attempting to remember...especially if we feel empty and unfulfilled. Rediscover what that purpose is...what that dream is that burns inside you...and live it.
We have only so much time in this life to do what the King has sent us to do. Let's do it! We will be happier for it and the world will be a better place!
All is well in my world.
Resources:
Adrienne, Carol ( 1999) Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life. New York: Quill
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Your greatness is revealed not by the lights that shine upon you, but by the light that shines within you.
Ray Davis
Ray Davis
Check
out the new handle.
I am just trying out watermarks to see how it feels. I have by no means made the jump to pro :) I am just playing around. I had other names picked out but when I searched they were already out there. Imagine that there are people in the world who actually think like I do (lol).
I am just trying out watermarks to see how it feels. I have by no means made the jump to pro :) I am just playing around. I had other names picked out but when I searched they were already out there. Imagine that there are people in the world who actually think like I do (lol).
Friday, January 13, 2017
Kiss your life. Accept it, just as it is. Today. Now. So that those moments of happiness you're waiting for don't pass you by.
Unknown
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Small and Stupid?
Once we realize that we are one small grain of sand in a limitless and boundless universe...the "little me' loses it's sense of grandiosity. Being small doesn't mean we are not important...it just means we are part of something humongous. There are a trillion cells in the human body...each cell is so small it can only be viewed with a microscope...but each of those cells serves an important function in keeping the organism alive. We are like one cell in the body of the universe.
Stupid? Really? Stupid is a strong word but in recognizing and accepting that we know nothing we free ourselves from the bondage of pretending to know so we can cling to other and self imposed beliefs. We really do not know very much do we? We assume a lot. We believe a lot and we certainly think a lot but how much do we actually know? Admitting to a certain stupidity will open us up to wanting to know more and seeking as the quote below implies.
It is all good...being small and stupid.
All is well in my world.
Stupid? Really? Stupid is a strong word but in recognizing and accepting that we know nothing we free ourselves from the bondage of pretending to know so we can cling to other and self imposed beliefs. We really do not know very much do we? We assume a lot. We believe a lot and we certainly think a lot but how much do we actually know? Admitting to a certain stupidity will open us up to wanting to know more and seeking as the quote below implies.
It is all good...being small and stupid.
All is well in my world.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
You being too involved with your mind and emotions means you are too enamored with your own creation, you have no time for the creation of the creator.
-Sadhguru
Living in our heads
Most of us live our entire lives in our minds and under the control of our emotions. The life we live here in this mental fugue is our own creation and more often than not, it is not a nice one. Our minds often create a world of fear ...attachment to the past...anticipation and worry over the future.
A mentally dominated life is a world of suffering. We call this "living" and because we created it...no matter how much it seems to suck...we cling to our version of reality. But we are not living here. We are not growing, expanding the way we are meant to. We are not joyful and peaceful as we are naturally designed to be. We are not "experiencing" that which we were given to experience by the creator of the real world.
What we learn on our death beds
In a talk addressed to students at Oxford University recently, Indian yogi and mystic Sadhguru relays this important fact by encouraging the audience to visit a hospice in order to witness the "sense of bewilderment" that overtakes people as they pass on. He says that this bewilderment is caused by simply coming to the awareness of what life really is.
People who live in their minds (which is most of us) will realize at the moment of their death that what they did in all those years or decades previously was not living...that they did not "experience" life that exists beyond and despite the body and mind. They only created "thoughts" about it and succumbed to the emotions of thinking about it.
They did not "live" their own lives. They did not experience the creation that surrounds us, and makes us who we are. They missed out on all the opportunity, beauty, blessing, learning, growing, expanding and joy that was always right there in front of them waiting for them to experience it because they were too busy "thinking" and explaining their emotions. Imagine!
We do not have to wait until we are dying to live
Say what, crazy lady?
Well the thing is...we do not need to wait until the moment of our death to finally experience what life really is. We can seek it now. We can get outside our own heads into silence and stillness for a few moments every day. We can spend time in nature and explore the beauty of creation. We can become aware of the blessings that surround us each and everyday. We can take responsibility for what our minds are doing and instead of becoming "victims" to them we can learn to control them so they work for us. We can learn to use our bodies to help us live joyfully...instead of forgoing joy because we do not like the way our bodies are working.
Instead of living in fear, we can live in peace... reaching out and connecting to all those around us. Instead of spending our days in the mental past and future...we can live in the real and only now.
Life is not a mental imagining. Life is a real phenomenon that is going on right now, in this very moment. Let's not miss a second more of it!
All is well in my world.
-Sadhguru
Living in our heads
Most of us live our entire lives in our minds and under the control of our emotions. The life we live here in this mental fugue is our own creation and more often than not, it is not a nice one. Our minds often create a world of fear ...attachment to the past...anticipation and worry over the future.
A mentally dominated life is a world of suffering. We call this "living" and because we created it...no matter how much it seems to suck...we cling to our version of reality. But we are not living here. We are not growing, expanding the way we are meant to. We are not joyful and peaceful as we are naturally designed to be. We are not "experiencing" that which we were given to experience by the creator of the real world.
What we learn on our death beds
In a talk addressed to students at Oxford University recently, Indian yogi and mystic Sadhguru relays this important fact by encouraging the audience to visit a hospice in order to witness the "sense of bewilderment" that overtakes people as they pass on. He says that this bewilderment is caused by simply coming to the awareness of what life really is.
People who live in their minds (which is most of us) will realize at the moment of their death that what they did in all those years or decades previously was not living...that they did not "experience" life that exists beyond and despite the body and mind. They only created "thoughts" about it and succumbed to the emotions of thinking about it.
They did not "live" their own lives. They did not experience the creation that surrounds us, and makes us who we are. They missed out on all the opportunity, beauty, blessing, learning, growing, expanding and joy that was always right there in front of them waiting for them to experience it because they were too busy "thinking" and explaining their emotions. Imagine!
We do not have to wait until we are dying to live
Say what, crazy lady?
Well the thing is...we do not need to wait until the moment of our death to finally experience what life really is. We can seek it now. We can get outside our own heads into silence and stillness for a few moments every day. We can spend time in nature and explore the beauty of creation. We can become aware of the blessings that surround us each and everyday. We can take responsibility for what our minds are doing and instead of becoming "victims" to them we can learn to control them so they work for us. We can learn to use our bodies to help us live joyfully...instead of forgoing joy because we do not like the way our bodies are working.
Instead of living in fear, we can live in peace... reaching out and connecting to all those around us. Instead of spending our days in the mental past and future...we can live in the real and only now.
Life is not a mental imagining. Life is a real phenomenon that is going on right now, in this very moment. Let's not miss a second more of it!
All is well in my world.
Monday, January 9, 2017
The entire law is summed up in a single command, Love your neighbor as yourself.
Saint PaulWow! That is a biggy, isn't it?
You know by now what I believe right?
I believe all the problems in this world are related to not loving our neighbour enough. The reason we do not love our neighbours is we do not love ourselves enough...and the reason for that is that we have forgotten what Love truly is? We have forgotten who we really are and from where we came.
In our amnesia we fabricated a world that we needed to protect ourselves in...a fearful world, a shameful world. In our self protection we have built borders and defenses. To rationalize our building of these defenses we expanded on the notion that the world really was a place to fear. We have learned to collect, cling, hold onto, accumulate, and protect "our things" from "them" or "it"rather than give. We have learned to fear, defend, and protect self through attack rather than love.
Hmm! We need to get back to what Christ taught...what was taught from the beginning...Love.
All is well in my world.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Renovating Our Lives
We are what we see. We are products of our surroundings.
Amber ValletaRenovation
We are renovating the bedroom. For two years I have been walking on plywood. I had removed the carpets when my children's allergies were acting up. ( I didn't remove the pets...just the carpets...my bad!). I had intended to patch up all the walls, paint and replace the flooring. I had another off work situation and was never able to afford flooring for my room. I got the kids' rooms done when I was feeling better and was working...did it myself...but did not have the physical energy or finances to do my own.
So I accepted the plywood as my temporary perch for my feet to land upon in the morning. It always bothered me...reminded me of my situation and negative circumstances. I don't like to be reminded of those things...I like to focus on strengths and all the blessings I have.
Now that D. is here we put a little aside from his insurance money to renovate a room that badly needed some patch work, painting, a larger bed and a floor. It is looking good.
We did not spend a fortune. In fact the mattress and box spring were more than double the cost of renovations...and we got that for a good price.
I like the fact that we are doing it ourselves. I always loved that feeling of knowing I could physically change my surroundings. Well D. is doing most of it...I am just handing him things and acting as an assistant lol but it still feels that "we' are doing it.
And to see the room changing before our eyes is so amazing. Healing almost.
So what is the point of my story?
We do not have to be surrounded by negative reminders of situations we feel stuck in. Though we may not be able to change the entire situation we can make small but helpful modifications that feed the soul with hope and remind our overworked brains that things can only get better. It doesn't have to cost a lot. And it doesn't have to be overwhelming to make those changes. All we need is a little creativity, planning, saving and the precious support and assistance from loved ones.
All is well in my world.
Friday, January 6, 2017
Peace: Doesn't mean being in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means being in the midst of those things and still be calm in heart.
UnknownBeing peaceful is hard sometimes...let me tell you. Last night I was kept awake by noise, trouble and my lack of ability to do the hard work of parenting effectively. I tried to remind myself that calm is always there within waiting for me to tap into it when I need it most. So man I did a lot of tapping: a lot of finger tapping on the table top at 4 am; a lot of foot tapping with arms crossed in front of my chest as I sounded reasons why my son would have to sit down with me once he sobered up at 6 am...and a lot of soul tapping at 8am. Eventually I did manage to calm down.
It is all good!
Thursday, January 5, 2017
The expert knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.
- Gandhi
Excited by Chaos and Ego slips?
I came home an evening ago to a mess.
My dog ate through two little gifts I had for friends. Chewed through a glass mug to get at chocolate which , of course, will make her sick. There was glass and chocolate wrappers everywhere. She knocked over the angel I received from students weeks after my sister died...an angel identical to the one my sister owned and cherished ( they didn't know that then) so it became something I cherished. It broke in the fall.
I cried. I was so frustrated!!! I was so angry. I pulled away from everyone for a few moments to regroup and realized that I wasn't angry at the dog...she was being a dog who we know acts out when we leave her.
I was angry at my attachment to ideas and things. I was going to bring my friends little "token" gifts of friendship to brunch today because I didn't think my presence would suffice. I was attached to tis idea of social etiquette. I was attached to a porcelain Christmas angel because I no longer had my sister. My sister is not in that angel!
Man. I had to laugh at myself a bit. I say I am become enlightened and realize in these moments how far I have to go. Then I realized I cannot beat myself up whenever I slip...every time I realize I am not where I am is a chance to celebrate...not complain. It is the process that excites me.
All is well.
- Gandhi
Excited by Chaos and Ego slips?
I came home an evening ago to a mess.
My dog ate through two little gifts I had for friends. Chewed through a glass mug to get at chocolate which , of course, will make her sick. There was glass and chocolate wrappers everywhere. She knocked over the angel I received from students weeks after my sister died...an angel identical to the one my sister owned and cherished ( they didn't know that then) so it became something I cherished. It broke in the fall.
I cried. I was so frustrated!!! I was so angry. I pulled away from everyone for a few moments to regroup and realized that I wasn't angry at the dog...she was being a dog who we know acts out when we leave her.
I was angry at my attachment to ideas and things. I was going to bring my friends little "token" gifts of friendship to brunch today because I didn't think my presence would suffice. I was attached to tis idea of social etiquette. I was attached to a porcelain Christmas angel because I no longer had my sister. My sister is not in that angel!
Man. I had to laugh at myself a bit. I say I am become enlightened and realize in these moments how far I have to go. Then I realized I cannot beat myself up whenever I slip...every time I realize I am not where I am is a chance to celebrate...not complain. It is the process that excites me.
All is well.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are. Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it.
Nikki Giovanni
(Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/n/nikkigiova452245.html?src=t_transition)
Longing for menopause. Really?
I was ready to embrace the major change women my age go through. After months of endometriosis pain that returned with a vengeance...I was ready to move on into the "wise" years of a woman's life. I thought I was there...for two months I thought I was there. I prayed in gratitude. I rejoiced. I reread "Women's Bodies; Women's Wisdom by Christine Northrup. I told people. I was ready.
Then I found myself bent over in pain yesterday and I feel it resurfacing now. It's Back!!!!I cried more for the fact that it isn't time then for the pain. I feel so ready to move on into the next chapter of my life but my body still has some things it needs to say. Am I listening? What am I clinging to?
Resistance
Sometimes it isn't change we resist but the need to stay put and wait for all circumstances to be ready for the change. We expect and get impatient when our expectations do not present themselves to us in the whens and hows of our imaginings. We do not listen to the teacher when we are peering up at the clock waiting for the bell to ring. We can miss so much.
Still too much to learn
In this transitioning period of my own life I am looking up waiting...knowing that the bell is so close to going off...but while I am waiting and expecting...some valuable lessons are being taught. That I am not hearing. Maybe this pain is a persistent messenger that has something to say about parts of my life left unexamined. Maybe my returning to a monthly cycle is teaching me that there are still too many things I haven't mastered making me not wise enough to graduate. Or maybe there is something going in my body that I need to look at. Regardless...I am not ready to make the change. Not yet...not yet...but soon.
I must look away from the clock on the wall. I must stop tapping my fingers in anticipation and sit up straight in my chair. I must listen to the rest of the lecture. It is all good!
All is well in my world.
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Writing can teach us the dignity of speaking the truth...
Natalie GoldbergI just spent two hours reading over my blog entries. It gets pretty personal in places and to go back and private or delete all those entries will take some time. Yet there is absolutely nothing but big, bold, beautiful truth in my writing. This blog was previously used just as a place to vent and write from the top of my head. It was a journal I kept for me. I wrote freely and quickly filling the pages with my complaints, as well as typos and grammatical errors. I left them untouched because I did not intend to open this blog up to the public again. How much do I share now?
I want this blog to be "helpful' to others...to motivate, teach, inspire in some meager way. No one needs to hear about of all my silly issues with my health, my finances and my dealings with doctors and insurance companies. Yet ...it is there in black and white text because it has consumed my daily life for so long. Do I erase it when it was a part of me? Or at least a "perceived" part of me. :) Or do I leave it where it is...as a record of my journey, my history?
Hmm! I will fill the front pages with helpful, less personal stuff...until I decide what to do with the other pages.
All is well!
Monday, January 2, 2017
Your life has nothing to do with you. It is about everyone whose lives you touch, and how you touch them.
Neale Donald Walsh ( What God Said)Your Life has Nothing to do with You
What if I told you that your life had nothing to do with you? Would that notion add to your frustration or somehow ease it? Would you want to tell me off for putting such ridiculous hippy notions out there...or would the mere thought ease some of your confusion about why you are here?
When I first read those words I was immediately aware of how peaceful I felt in that possibility. If my life is not about me...I really do not need to worry so much about what is happening to me. My own perception of "suffering" is really not that important. I do not have to decide on a life that is best for me. I do not have to fix my life...fix myself...I just have to turn my attention outward.
My attention gets turned away from self focus to a greater, more life affirming focus...the betterment of others in the world. If everything I do touches the lives of others in some way...I turn my life focus to how my life impacts others. It becomes about them not me. Taking the attention off the little me somehow makes everything "I" experience so trivial. At the same time it makes my life so valuable and important.
My life...can make the world a better place. Hmm! Food for thought.
All is well in my world.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
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