The World Beyond the Gates

Returning to the World Beyond the Gates

The Cherubim stands at the garden gate

with its fiery sword of fear and fate,

And I banished, fallen from Grace,

run upon this wheel in fevered pace. 

In fear of sword and fire's mark

I run from light into the dark.

The  sweet voice of angels I can hear

calling me back to face this fear

but the clatter of the hamster wheel 

makes their song seem so  surreal.

With no success, I grasp, cling and push away 

just to make this world out here okay.

When the wheel stops, with trembling hand,

I build a flimsy house upon the sand,

that leans and bows with every gust of wind,

with walls that  echo my ghastly sin. 

The sweet maternal callings get drowned out

as I push and pull and hammer about,

pretending that all is fine and good

with every nail that pierces wood. 

I try to stuff and hide the pain of loss

behind each wall. That comes at cost.

With one big wind this mess I made inside

gets blown out upon the  world wide,

coloring it all as a projection of my sin

and I suddenly know I will never win. 

I am lost in this existence  mind creates

and I long to return to the world beyond the gates.

I take a slow breath and stand up tall 

I turn around to face the wall.

With a heart beating wildly in my chest

I commit with breath to do my best.

Grasping courage,  I face the beast  I knew

knowing the only real way out of pain is through. 

Push by push and step by step,

with anger spent, and tears all wept,

I make my way through pain and fear

until the world of illusion is at my rear,

and the cherubim, just dust and air,

is blown away with my despair. 

Without the need for victory or for fame, 

the ground behind, I once again reclaim . 

Beyond the gate is our souls' reprieve, 

a home we, without  delusion, never leave.

Upon this solid sacred ground

the peace we long for, will be found. 

© Dale-Lyn, May, 2023

I was reminded of this poem I wrote last year after listening to another Temple of the Universe Podcast on the Fall from the Garden. The podcast I listened to today (from yesterday) inspired me to put it here. 

All is well.

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( April 7, 2014) Finding Your Way Back to the Garden.https://tou.org/talks/

The Victorious Dance of Prakriti and Spirit

 Such is the life-story of each one of us; such is the tremendous power of nature over us. It repeatedly kicks us away, but we still pursue it with feverish excitement.

Vivekananda, page 63 

Whereas Vivekananda describes the relationship between spirit and nature as a kick boxing match, Singer and Yogananda describe it as a dance. 

Spirit and nature dancing together, Victory to spirit and victory to nature! Yogananda

Nature in yogic terms, is Prakriti. It is the physical world as we know it.

Why did God create this world?

Meher Baba answered that question with, "On a whim?" 

One whimisical  twirling, swirling, or twirling movement in a dance led to the creation of all this that we see? Hmm! Ironically, Meher Baba originally a Zoroastrian, was a twirling Devirsh...No wonder why he woud see it in that way?

We are here, according to Singer, merely as Ambassadors of the One Spirit/ the One Consciousness to explore, observe, and experience this world of Prakriti/nature. We are here to dance with it, not to get lost in it, as it is so easy to do.  Don't let nature lead; don't resist the dance; and don't try to control it. Let Spirit and nature dance together in the perfect harmony they are capable of, while we simply enjoy being a part of it all.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the niverse ( Thursday, April 4,2024)The Dance of  Consciousness and Creation. https://tou.org/talks/

Swami Vivekananda (2018) Meditation and Its Methods. Kindle Edition

A Shishya?

Not to examine the teacher is like drinking poison, not to examine the disciple is like leaping from a precipice.

Padmasambahva

Hmmm! I am purposefully a day or two behind in my Michael Singer podcast listening.  I decided to spread the magic out a bit ...to limit the days without a listen. So, I  just listened to Thursday's podcast from Temple of the Universe, and I was once again like: Wow! I get it! Everything resonates so deeply within me. 

Some of the things Michael Singer spoke about, I wrote about in recent entries. Yesterday, I wrote about my vision in meditation and about the learning/reminder that came from it: pull your eyes away from the samskara full psyche layer we are all so attached to, and trace every bit of light that emerges from beneath it up to the Source. Somehow, this morning's podcast reflected that/echoed that. Or maybe my consciousness is just echoing what I have learned from him. I don't know anymore. lol I wrote what I wrote before I listened to this podcast. 

What is it about Michael Singer, as a teacher, that pulls this learner I call "me" in?

For some reason, I am pulled to his teaching in particular. My morning, no longer feels right until I listen to him.  As I reflect on that, I get a little antsy.  Though I respect him as a teacher and person, I do not want to be attached to any teachers.  I don't want to see anyone, especially another Westerner, as a Guru. I don't want to blindly get lost. I watched too many documentaries, I guess, about yoga gurus gone bad. The words "guru" and "disciple" don't resonate well inside me and I tend to resist them.

Yet, here I am connecting so much on a level I cannot understand. And I come here every morning and I listen, I take notes, I reflect on those notes, I mash them around in my mind, with all the other stuff I have learned, studied, read, heard or have come to know through expereince.  Then I spit it all out on the page. 

Practicing Yoga for a Long Time, Even When It Wasn't Cool

I have been studying and practicing yoga for over a quarter of a century now.  (Man...it surprises me to look back and realize that I began practicing yoga, in tiny ways, way back in the 90's...thirty years ago.)
It has, since then,  become an integral part of my life, long before I even heard of Michael Singer. 

My committment to learning about yoga and practicing it always seemed to be a very isolated and often misunderstood one(even for me). Yet...the pull was so strong. The only way I can desribe my attraction to yoga is as , " being pulled toward this learning even when my ego  was digging its heals into the ground screaming, "Noooo!" It was so in contrast to what "little me" wanted.

"The natural behaviour of the tribe often overpowers the desired behaviour of the individual." (James Clear, page 120)

I always felt  and did my best to adhere to that natural need to fit in, not to stand out.  Yoga would make me stand out, especially in my community where few people knew what yoga actually was. My desired behaviour, surprisingly, overpowered the tribe's.   So, when I realized I couldn't resist the pull forever, when my curiosity became stronger than my resistance,  I  succumbed to it and I began to "quietly" practice.  I told few people about it. Teaching it, then , was definitely not going to be in the picture for a few deacdes! 

Those who were close to me, however,  were aware of my practice, no matter how private I made it. They watched me practicing my asanas and attempting to relax in meditation.  They could see that I always had my head in a book about spirituality or becoming a better person.  They observed that I always listened to things people deemed as woo-woo or even blasphemous.  Back in the  90's most of the people around me thought Yoga was a taboo practice physically, mentally  and spiritually. I got lectures from the instructors in the fitness trainer course I took that Hatha Yoga was harmful to the body and that all yoga poses should be avoided for liability reasons. I got lectures from concerned family members that what I was learning about could be taking me mentally away from reality.  They even questioned if my yoga curiosity was a symptom of a mental illness. I got lectures from"born again" loved ones about how evil yoga and meditation was. At one poin,t I was asked to sit down to a video of yogis experiencing ecstacy during meditation practice, so I would see  how the devil can enter  us at those times we are weakened by such evil practices. 

So as you can see, Yoga...was not the normal path to pursue, in my part of the world, at the time I started. As James Clear says in, Atomic Habits, "Running against the grain of your culture requires extra effort." page 121. Practicing Yoga was running against the grain. Something inside me, not my people-pleasing ego, but Something, however,  was more than willing to put that effort in, to run against the grain in this practice, if in none other. It pulled me in. I became a yogi. 

As Yoga became more and more accepted in my part of the world, if not fully understood,(Hatha Yoga became a trendy thing here a decade or so ago), I became a little more open about my practice and what I was studying.  It wasn't until about 2017, though, that I started publically writing about yoga and waking up in my blog. ( for many years it was private).  It was not until 2018, that I became a Hatha teacher, though I have been practicing Hatha for 30 years.  And it wasn't until around that time, that I first heard of a western Yogi named Michael Singer.  There were many, many teachers indirectly in my life before him. Many were amazing, having a wonderful impact on my learning. Yet, here I am now... decades after beginning this sadhanna...wondering why I am so drawn to what he says, why I feel a connection to him.

I read this from Vivekananda last night before falling asleep. It didn't dawn on me until this very moment why I fell asleep to those words. (I had no idea I was going to be writing about this, this morning.)  

The soul can only receive impulses from another soul, and from nothing else. We may study books all our lives, we may become very intellectual, but in the end we find that we have not developed at all spirituality...To quicken the spirit, the impulse must come from another soul. The person from whose soul such impulse comes is called the Guru-the teacher; and the person whose soul the impulse is conveyed is called the Shishya-the student. Page 66

Man...it really is a soul to soul thing, isn't it?  Whether I resist the words "Guru" and "disciple" or not; whether I insist that I will not blindly follow another human being or not...doesn't matter. It isn't about "me". Just as this "me" could not stop me from being pulled into the practice of Yoga...this "me" cannot prevent me from being a Shishya. There may actually be something to this Guru/student thing, traditional yoga insists upon. I don't know.  

I am not sure Singer is my guru...I just know my soul is drawn to his soul, for whatever reason,  just as my soul was drawn to yoga. Sigh!!! It is all so amazing.

All is well!

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. Avery: New York

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( Thursday, April 4,2024)The Dance of  Consciousness and Creation. https://tou.org/talks/

• 
  

Look Up and Let the Shakti Free Itself

 

The word "Shakti" means power. Shakti, the innate power in reality has five faces. It manifests as the power to be conscious, the power to feel ecstacy, the power of will or desire, the power to know, and the power to act.

Sally Kempton

I had this vision this morning when I was meditating, followed by a host of thoughts and questions. I would like to share it with you.

Part way through my meditation, a vision came to me. I could see a long hollow tunnel (the Sushumna, I assume)  and blocking that tunnel were a bunch of broken shale rocks thrown in over it in a haphazard way...like a collapse over a cave...( Samskaras, I assume). Through that shale rock blockage there were streams of light emerging...beautiful light being pulled upward by some force on top of the head. The Source was pulling the light up, back to It.  When I followed the direction of that little streams of light  I looked up to see a beautiful  lotus flower with a thousand petals hovering over the cranium. That lotus flower had all the forces of nature working with it to pull this light and whatever is beneath the rock cover up: electromagneticism, gravity, strong nuclear force, weak nucler force...and something else non-yogi scientists, at this point, have yet to discover, but something yogis have known about for a long, long time. 

That was my vision and it led me to think of so many things after the meditation. 

Insights and Thoughts

To begin. I don't understand it but  I know, I feel more energetic and happy, or at least less heavy and down, whenever I follow the direction that light is going. I know that looking up is freedom, looking to the Source of the light rather than what the light is shining on is the thing to do.

 But I am also very curious about this rock blockage. I know that something amazing is trapped beneath it. Even though looking at the rock pile (and the garbage trapped in it) narrows my focus and brings my energy down so much...I know, without fully knowing why, that what is below that blockage is even more light and a Source of something I  will never understand the full power of with my mere mind. (Shakti)

  When I look through the cracks this light is coming through, in my meditation,  I can see and hear the churning of a powerful water and light source against the inside of these rocks. This force is naturally inclined to go where the light is going. It is being pulled to that Source of light but the rocks are in the way.  This buried force contains so much energy and intention to go up but it is blocked. So it turns like a whirlpool, around and around, pushing and crashing against the rocks, moving them a smidgeon upward with every crash.  And the rocks are moving...they are loosening and shifting...getting closer and closer to the top where with a small gentle push from this trapped whirpool they can come to the surface to be released, one rock at a time...leaving another crack for the light and splashes of this soothing, healing water to come through, while relieving the pressure a bit on the inside.  

There is orderly intention here in what seems like random and uncomfortable chaos. This force inside is doing what it is intended to. It is painfully freeing itself and purifying us so we are more spacious to accept Life as it is.   Though, it is certainly not comfortable to have these rocks rumbling around inside us, pushed by such a strong force...it is happening for a reason.  The rocks are not meant to be there and the force is attempting to free itself. It will. 

That is, of course, if more rocks from the outside are not shovelled in on top adding to the blockage of rock (and garbage). That is, of course, if we do not continue to push it back down so we don't have to feel it or experience it, by using defense mechanisms like suppression or repression..

Questions:

This is where the questions start coming into my mind, as if from another questioner asking me if I know the answers. I don't know the answers. lol  Yet, I feel compelled to answer...not from my very much unevolved ego mind but from a place that is suddenly emerging from beneath it as I write. 

If there is some undiscovered force inside us waiting to emerge, why would anyone shovel more stuff in on top of what could be one of the most amazing archeological digs the human species could ever take part in, crazy lady? Who or what would prevent such an earth shattering  discovery? 

The Unevolved and resistant human mind would. The psyche, which is intent on preserving itself and this illusion, would.  

WTF? You doing shrooms?

Just let me take you to what I could see through meditation today (btw: my life practice and my meditation are drug free lol). This blockage I was looking at is more or less the psyche...the sum of all learned experiences, a massive and heavy  collection of samskaras: all the things I stored from life experience that I didn't deal with.

Didn't deal with?

Yes, the stuff I didn't just let pass through; didn't just observe and experience as a part of this amazing journey of being human; the stuff I judged, desired, craved, clung to; the stuff I feared and pushed away. With every preference I shovelled some of this shale rock in.  With every aversion I buried the amazing Force even more. I erronously thought for most of my life that the glimpses of  light, in the form of peace, happiness, joy etc,  I was experiencing were coming from out there and it was up to me to grab what I could and  determine just how much to let in. I resisted so much of my life experience because I thought it was my job to do so.  I feared what would happen if I didn't. I created this mess inside me...and then with every uncomfortable shift of shale rock I pushed down even more;  I shovelled even more in, hoping that would stop the uncomfortable shifting inside. When every rock  came to the surface, and therefore to my conscious awareness...I panicked in fear and I pushed it back down. not seeing what was truly happening.  I was widening and strengtheing the blockage, making things worse.

I did this!  I created this mess inside me.  I blocked  this force from going to the Source.  I created this mess and then I stared at what I created so intently and so narrowly that I began to believe that this was all there was.  I identified with  this collection of samskaras, this psyche. My stored stuff/ this rock/garbage pile became "me".  For most of my life, I didn't see, as "me",  that both the little streams of light that managed to escape and the turbulence  I too often was feeling, was coming from below the blockage  not from out there.  I didn't see, as "me",  that there was nothing I was supposed to do  about what Life unfolded in front of me...that it wasn't mine to fix...in fact, it didn't need to be fixed for it was perfect as it was. I didn't see, as frightened, "seperate me", that I ws simply here to observe it all and experience it all, and that without the blockage it would all be so amazing! I didn't see, as "me", that all life experiences are just meant to flow in and flow out as part of this amazing dance. I didn't see, as "me", that I was never meant to judge any of it, cling to any of it, push any of it away or resist any of it! I didn't see as "me", that it was all much bigger than "me" and my puny little psyche.  

Can you see now?

I can truly see now that Life will take care of herself and that this grasping, clinging, preferring, desiring, judging, selecting, pushing away and resisting I have been doing all my life is what created this blockage.  I also see, though I still nose dive or smash into it from time to time, I am not the blockage.  I am  simply observing it.

So is it our job to dismantle this psyche? To execavate and dig and pull each samskara rock we put there away so we can get to what is beneath?

No, We  have already done enough.  It is time to leave it up to Life.  We couldn't carry all these rocks away if we wanted to...they are too big and too heavy. Our job, if we have one,  is to simply step back and let this force inside us do what it knows to do.  Let it rumble and disturb the rocks, bringing them to the surface for release. We just need to get out of the way. It won't be comfortable, and even down right painful at times, but so be it! It will cleanse us and set us free, if we let it. Getting out of the way, also means not  pushing down or shovelling more stuff in. A hands off approach is needed here...a releasing and a letting go is needed here. An acceptance of what is is needed here.

What about the beams of light that are escaping from the rock pile?

Follow them.  We can begin with meditation. Instead of staring down at the mess, envision light emerging from the cracks; and  trace that stream of light, no matter how tiny, back to the Source.  In my meditative vision I saw a thousand petal lotus at the top of my head as the Source pulling that light up.  That is because I practice yoga and recognize the seventh chakra.  It is also because I  often use the mantra "Om Mani Padme Hum", which means "the jewel of the lotus"...which  takes us to the Source of all.  That was just my vision...use whatever comes to mind when you think of God, a higher power, the Source of all this. Follow the light back to that, follow the light back to who you really are.

You are not the rock pile blockage, the psyche, the body and the mind...you are that which is experiencing these things.  Remember that. So look for light emerging through cracks in this "me drama" you are so caught up in, in your every day experiences. This light, of course, represents every splash of higher energy emotion you experience: peace, happiness, joy, love etc. Everytime you feel good, follow the light up.  Ask:  Where is this truly coming from? The thing I just baught? The  nice thing that person just said to me? This pleasant outer experience? Or is something being released in me? Am I opening up to this light and this flow?

 It is something within you...there is something opening up within you, allowing the light out.   Follow that back to its Source! It is an inward tracing, not an outer one. Let the Shakti free itself and you. 

Oops!

Wow! I just meant to tell you about the nice vision I had during meditation and how it made so much sense to me.  I didn't mean to bore you to death with my rambling. lol

All I wanted to say, in summary...is there is a samskara layer inside you of your own making, blocking the flow of Shakti back to the Source. Stand back and allow Life, nature, and this Shakti to do what it knows what to do without getting in the way ( no more resisting, no more pushing down, no more shovelling in). And while it is causing a lot of shifting inside you as it frees itself, embrace the light that emerges from each new crack. Follow each beam  back to the Source.  You will discover amazing things there. You will find Who you really are there.

All is well. 

Cursed?

 Be grateful to him who curses you, for he gives you a mirror to show what cursing is, also a chance to practice self-restraint; so bless him and be glad. Without exercise, power cannot come out; without the mirror, we cannot see ourselves...

Vivekananda

I am presently being cursed for the "sins" of my offspring. A mirror is being held up to me so I can see. The image staring back at me is partially responsible, in some indirect way for the choices my off spring made. Something I said or did; something I didn't say or do; something I modelled; something I carried in me that boiled up and out of me; something I passed on through inherited memory; and/or something I genetically predisposed my adult child to over the years  is in those wise eyes looking back at me. The cursing thrown in my direction has some merit.  On the other hand, I see the incongruent, and unfounded judgment in that cursing, the self-righteousness, the sense of moral superiority. I can see how the cursing comes from an unwholesome and unhealthy place, how it is narrow focused and close minded, I can see how it comes from pain.  I can see what cursing is. It really serves no good. 

I can also see what "sin" is. Not what we were conditioned to believe about "good" and "bad" but in terms of failing to do what is healthy and wholesome for all. "To miss the mark." This so called "sin" is more about a person missing the target of doing what is necessary to become the best person they could be, and triggering the hurt in others by missing this mark. I have learned not to judge people for their mistakes, no matter how big and damaging these mistakes seem to be, to see beyond them to the inherit goodness that is in us all. I see the goodness in my off spring. I will always see the goodness in my off spring. I will still feel and carry the pain of their mistakes, knowing such mistakes come from pain and only bring on more pain. Sigh! 

I feel the pain caused by the this discretion.  I do.  I feel it in the curser. I feel it in the victim of the discretion, ( my heart breaks for this person), I feel it in the person at fault, and I feel it in me.  It weighs heavy on me, weighing me down more than I already was before I heard the news.  I feel a sense of failure. My automatic reactive mind tells me that I failed in my parenting mission to install two things in my children above all else: honesty and kindness. 

Though, I rationally know I am not responsibe for what a 27 year old adult does, whether they came from my body or not, my maternal nature carries the guilt of this choice. Sigh! And the curser ( more of a collective than an individual) obviously wants me to carry this Albatross around my neck. Part of me wants to defend and fight back but the bigger part of me just wants to say, "I understand.  I can emapathize with how much pain you feel and I can understand your wish to shame the offender  and me in an attempt to relieve some of that pain. I have cursed others  in the past and occassionally still do. I understand." 

From a higher perspective though, I want to also tell them that cursing isn't the  healthiest choice for them or anybody else.  It just leads to more pain. At this point, though, I know whatever I say in response will have little effect. 

So, I will likley say nothing, allowing them to think what they must of me and do my best not to get pulled into that expressed opinion. ( Cursing  triggers stuffed and stored wounding, doesn't it? Compelling  us to question ourselves and our own goodness.) I will also do my best to thank the  curser/cursers and bless them for holding the mirror up.

All is well. 

 

Dumpster Diving?

 If you don't get pulled down into the garbage, you get to float back into the ecstacy. 

Michael A. Singer

I believe the above statement, I do. That is one of the reasons I practice yoga.  I am not seeking ecstacy, however, as much as I am wanting peace of mind.  And though I practice regularly and make my sadhanna the most important part of my day...I have yet to experience a steady flow of peace...(though I am experiencing it more and more)...and I still get pulled into the garbage big time, (though much less frequently than I used to and for shorter periods). I am still very much a student in the primary grades of spirituality. 

Life, the Greatest Teacher, is really helping me out with this learning.  (Let me tell ya!)  She is dumping one stinky pile of garbage down in front of me, after another. As I progress spiritually,  this garbage  in front of me seems to be more and more compelling, demanding of my attention.  The garbage from inside, at the same time,  is coming up out of me in peristalic spasms.  I am not sure if each pile coming out of me and each pile Life is placing in front of me, in terms of life circumstance, is getting bigger, stinkier, and more challenging to deal with than the one before it,  or if the accumulation of life long pilings are simply adding up to the point they are creating a mountain in front of me...but Man, it is a challenge to stay centered, in the Seat of Objective Observer. It is pretty yucky around here most times.  

When I do get centered, and I still do with my practice which includes observing how I respond in everyday life, it is a challenge to stay centered. When some intense emotion or memory comes up, or when life throws another challenge at me,  it is difficult to avoid taking yet another dumpster dive. I quickly become swallowed up with  identification with that rubbage I plunged into.  It is just so in my face! This garbage is very  compelling and addictive. 

Sigh! Michael A. Singer also tells us, in the below linked podcast, we, as humans, have a tendency to get pulled down into our emotion, thought, and sensation filled human dramas/ our garbage because they are addictive. Our tendency is to focus and narrow this amazing light of consciousness down into a tiny little beam so it can really get up close and personal with that thing we call "My Life/ My Drama/My Problems". We then identify with what the light is shining on, more than we identify with the light. This narrowed focus pulls us to the point we believe we are what is being illuminated (thoughts, emotions, body-sensations, life circumstance) rather than the  knowing that we are the illuminator. 

Dumspter Diving  has become a life long habit for most of us.    It is a habit, a very strong one.  Habits, I am learning however,  can be broken. We need to first realize that we are attracted to that garbage and that we are the ones diving into it. We are not being pushed! Owning our response-ability means we are recognizing our ability to response in a healthier way, to create better habits. 

I have finished reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, and am now going back through it, studying it, analyzing it, taking notes, examining my current habits and practicing what it suggests etc. As I do , I have this inner knowing, that though it is a guide to creating practical to-do lists ( which I particularly am not a fan of), it is also a guide, whether Clear intended it or not, to creating  a healthy spiritual practice of "to-being". I am going to come back with that correlation at a later date. Great book, by the way. So well written and well researched!!! 

So, as I stick my head up through the pile of rubbage that surrounds me and wipe last months pizza off my face, I admit...I did it again. I admit to the Teacher that I allowed myself to get pulled in again, to bother myself again.Then, I ask, "What did I learn this time about my psyche, about this stuff that pulled me in, this stuff I was shining this amazing light of consciousness on? What did I learn about it, but more importantly what can I learn about the light that was doing the illuminating? " 

Then I pull myself back away from this narrow focus, away from the garbage pile, the dump, this thing I call "my problem". I expand my gaze  and I look around at what is.  It is so amazing! From there,  I trace the amazing focus, the amazing light back to its amazing Source.  I get as close as I can to That, knowing That is who I Am...not this garbage I was focusing on. Tat Tvam Asi. I wait there observing and experiencing Life at a higher level, fully aware that I might be tempted again.  I might plunge again.  I might get lost in the mess again.  And it is all okay.  It's just psyche that does the diving and that gets lost.  Who I am...Tat Tvam Asi is okay. It is the light that observes.  It can never be contaminated by that which I pollute my mind, heart, and body with. 

Hmm...I came up a little quicker this time, I awoke from this dream of garbage submersion a little sooner.  That's progress!

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( April 1, 2024) Being: Finding Refuge in the Self. https://tou.org/talks/

 

Just Handle It!

 You are always aware but the problem is you cannot handle what you  are aware of.

Michael A. Singer

The best spiritual practice technique for handling all that  Life gives you, according to Michael A. Singer, is, "handle it". Handle it rather than stuffing and storing. Go through the day without bothering yourself.

All is well.

Be the Self, Not Yourself.

 'You', whose looking, is the Self. You do not have to find yourself.  You are the Self. If it is always you in there, why don't you be your Self?  Be you. Be the Self.

Michael A. Singer

All is well!

Writing Makes Me Tipsy

 You must stay drunk on writing, so reality can not destroy you.

Ray Bradbury

From Singapore to Hong Kong.  Singapore viewers, according to stats, are down to 1 in the last 24 hours and Hong Kong viewers/bots up to 1.5 K. Wow...is it mere coincidence that the influx of so called viewers-we know they are bots- have moved from one geographical area to another that is fairly close to it? And what about these posts that look like they have been opened and read. Were they read? Or do bots just make them look read...do they just tap into them for their own unknown purposes and that is what registers as read? I mean the few blog post pages marked as read certainly do not match 1.5 K  so there might be legitimate readers. I would be happy if one person read a blog entry and got something from it. lol It is all good...as long as nothing malicious is being done by the Hong Kong bots...it is all good. Thank goodness...I have done the work I have done to diminish the ego lol. The numbers mean so little to me. I write for the intoxicating pleasure of writing. I don't need a lot of readers but it would be nice to know there was one or two. :)

All is well.

Atlas

 Atlas

I see you

standing alone

on the western edge

in a never ending time-out.

 The heavens are  heavy.

Your muscles strain

 beneath them

as you shift around

from one leg to the other

awkwardly adjusting

exhausted limbs

to hold the weight.

Stumbling,

 you try to balance

yourself beneath

the crushing gravity

of the Solar System's  orbit

as large droplets of sweat 

form on your furrowed brow,

and drip like dying water falls

to your clenched feet.

The surface beneath you

 becomes even more 

slippery and unstable

with each drop of 

your effort.

You groan and moan,

calling out for help

from the empty space,

a pitiful sound that echoes 

in your own ears.

Alas, there are no more titans

to wipe your face

or to help you carry 

this load for

they are all burning

in  the fires of tartarus....

their punishment for following you.

You, my friend,  are alone in

this wrathful penance

Zues has given you to carry

through eternity.

I wonder

as I watch you, though,

if you must serve out this sentence

until the end of time.

Is there a way to set you free?

What would happen, 

I ask,

if you were to take a deep breath,'

big enough

and slow enough,

to clear the foggy notes 

of conditioned shaming  

from your mind? 

What would happen if you 

 stopped blindly believing 

what you have been taught;

and bravely questioned 

the power and authority

of Zues's verdict?

What would happen if,

 instead of clenching in resistance,

believing you deserved 

this eternal punishment

you so obediently carry,

you relaxed your weary muscles

and let 

the planets roll

like  weightless balls

 from your hands,

into the shunyata that

can easily hold everything

in its vacuum?

I wonder, my friend,

what would happen

if you stopped tensing up,

if you stopped clinging, grasping,

and holding on to

that which is so heavy

and instead you relaxed , 

and let  go  

of this weight you were carrying

for much too long. 

How much lighter 

and freer

would you be?

© Dale-Lyn April 2024

Yoga on Easter

Yoga is the deepest science...it is not about studying what you are looking at...Yoga studies the One that is looking. 

Michael A. Singer ( somewaht paraphrased)

It is a beautiful Easter Sunday in my part of the world.  The sun is shining after days of rain.  I even saw my first Robin this morning.  He landed on the little tree behind me casting his little shadow over my wall until I turned around and there he was, staring in at me as if to say, "Happy Easter/Happy Spring. We are back!" I opened up with that visit. 

I am open now.  As I listen to Michael A. Singer, I open even more. I have never heard a more like minded individual speak. It is like we are sharing the same thought waves lol. It might simply be two westerners understanding or attempting to understand and then share  the fundamentals of yoga that make us like-minded. Maybe it isn't our like-mindedness drawing me to him.  It might just be Yoga doing that. Truth is , I don't know many yogis. I mean, I know people who teach hatha yoga around here but they don't seem to understand what I am sharing or they see it as the "woo-woo" side of yoga and choose not "to go there."I don't know...but man when I listen to Michael A. Singer...it's like, "I see. I see. I see.  I agree. I agree. I agree."  I would love to sit down and talk to someone who thinks like I do...I really would.  It is a bit lonely here in my sadhanna...in my realm of understanding. Sometimes, I feel like an outsider, a 'strange-er' in this community. That is okay.  I know 'I am' actually  not lonely; I am merely observing a psyche that feels alone in this new understanding of things. It won't detere my practice. I am okay with doing this thing I am doing alone but it would be nice to talk to someone who gets it. I imagine being able to sit across the table over tea with someone like Michael Singer and just listen, share, learn, and teach as I grew a bit from that experience.

My crows are calling me: They come to my window to get my attention when they want to be fed and then they make these sounds until I go out to feed them. I am going to ignore them a bit for a few minutes.  They are getting spoiled lol. 

Getting Pulled Away from "I Am"  by Distraction and Identification 

Anyway, today's podcast was on distraction and identification. We, who we are at the deepest level: unchangable, undisturbable, untaintable consciousness, often get distracted by and pulled down into the psyche's "little-me's drama" ...so much so we begin to become identified with it to the point we forget who we are.  We are not that which we are observing or experiencing.  We are that which observes and experiences! I am not that suffering going on around me and in me...I am the consciousness, the Witness that is observing it. You are not the depression, the illness, the addiction, or the grief you are observing or going through...those are just objects of consciousness.  You are the Witness, the Consciousness, the Objective Observer, and the "I am" back here watching what is going on around you and in you. 

Hmm!

That makes all the difference, does it not? 

On this Easter Sunday, whether you are a yogi or not, remember who you are. And remember what Christ taught..."My Father and I are One." That is Yoga!

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( March 31, 2024) The Power of Distarction and False Identification. https://tou.org/talks/

Wisdom from Vivekananda

 More words of wisdom from Vivekananda: 

• Until the inner teacher opens, all outside teaching is in vain. page 21
• We are the living books and books are but the words we have spoken  page 38
• Concentration on the powers of the mind is our only instrument to help us see God. If you know one soul ( your own), you know all souls, past, present, and to come....The concentrated mind is a lamp that shows us every corner of the soul.  page 40
• The word God has been used from time immemorial, and the idea of this cosmic intelligence, and all that is great and holy, is associated with it. page 41
• What is the God of Vedanta? He is principle, not person. ...The absolute God of the universe, the creator, preserver, and destroyer of the universe, is impersonal; principle...The Lord is all blissfulness. He is the reality behind all that exists. He is the goodness, the truth in everything. You are His incarnations. That is what is glorious. The nearer you are to Him, the less you will have occassions to cry or weep.
• God is the infinite, impersonal being-ever existent, unchanging, immortal, fearless; and you are all His incarnations, His embodiments. This is the God of Vedanta, and His heaven is everywhere. page 43
• Be grateful to him who curses you, for he gives you a mirror to show what cursing is, also a chance to practice self-restraint; so bless him and be glad. Without exercise, power cannot come out; without the mirror, we cannot see ourselves...page 47

Swami Vivekananda ( 2019) Meditation and Its Methods. General Press ( Kindle Edition)

Psychology Takes Us to the Screen; Yoga Takes Us Beyond It.

 Suppose here is a screen, and behind the screen is wonderful scenery. There is a small hole in the screen through which we can catch only a little bit of the scenery behind. Suppose that hole becomes increased in size. As the hole increases in size, more and more of the scenery behind comes within the range of vision, and when the whole screen has disappeared, there is nothing between the scenery and you; you see the whole of it. This screen is the mind of man. Behind it is the majesty, the purity, the infinite power of the soul, and as the mind becomes clearer and clearer, purer and purer, more of the majesty of the soul manifests itself. Not that the soul is changing, but the change is in the screen. The soul is the unchangeable One, the immortal, the pure, the ever -blessed one. Page 47

I often speak to how Yoga is the ultimate psychology, taking us through the mess of the mind to that which exists behind it.  Psychology, as we know it,  tends to focus on the screen in an attempt to soothe the flickering images on it, in an attempt to fix any holes in it, and in an attempt to preserve it.  Yoga,  on the other hand, attempts to gently wipe those flickering images off the screen, making it as clean and as transparent as possible so we can see and experience the soul behind it. Yoga knows that this screen is in the way of what is truly important. It encourages the hole in the screen of mind to expand and expand until there is no screen,  so we become one with the majestic scenery of spirit. 

This screen is personal mind and like so many other screens it pulls consciousness in and holds onto it to the point we become one with it, assuming we are the screen. 

Indian philosphy: the soul of man is like a piece of crystal, but it takes the colour of whatever is near it....The colour is so strong, the crystal forgets itself and identifies itself with the colour. ...We have taken the colour of the body and forgotten what we are. All our fears, all worries, anxieties, troubles, mistakes, weakness, evil, are from that one great blunder-that we are bodies. page 46

We, of course, suffer with all our grasping, clinging, and pushing away in an attempt to preserve this screen, to prevent it from ripping, when we do that. We have this conditioned tendency to attempt to fix and control what is happening out there so we feel better in here. Yet, Life is determined to do what Life does...sending blow after blow our way.  Not even psychology can help us with that one. 

Unlike contemporary psychology, yoga teaches we are not the screen...we are that which exists behind it. Yoga encourages those blows or challenges to the mind that creates holes. It sees the holes as a positive thing for our growth and eventual freedom. 

Blows are what awaken us and help us to break the dream. They show us the insufficiency of this world and make us long to escape, to have freedom...page 44

Yoga encourages the holes to expand. It wants the screen clean and pure.  It therefore wants the mind to be free and clear of all that is blocking Shakti, that is clouding up our ability to see what is truly real behind this psyche illusion. Our Yoga practice, then, expands the holes.

We need to stop putting all our energy on attempting to stop Life from tearing at these screens of personal mind. We need to welcome the blows,  and the holes, knowing  that who we truly are and what is truly important is that which exists beyond the screen, not on it. 

All is well!

Swami Vivekananda ( 2019) Meditation and Its Methods. General Press ( Kindle Edition)

Mental Schemata

 Even the wise act within the limitations of their own nature. Every creature is subject to prakriti; what is the use of repression? The senses have been conditioned by attraction to the pleasant and aversion to the unpleasant. Do not be ruled by them, they are obstacles in your path. 

The Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2: 33

This is basically what Singer was talking about in the below linked podcast. He was making it clear that there really is no use for repression or suppression and, in fact, it causes great suffering.  If we want freedom from suffering... we need to decondition our senses, or at least our mind's attachment to them. We need to learn to accept, honor and appreciate all that comes into our experience through these senses. Can we do that?

How are the sense conditioned by attraction to the pleasant and aversion to the unpleasant in the first place?

Well the yogi would say we view and respond to sensory input, therefore Life, through the  lens of our samskaras ( our stuffed and stored life expereinces) and a psychologist might use the term "Mental Schemata". They are basically the same thing. 

What is a mental  schemata, crazy lady, and what has it got to do with our aversion and attractions?

"In psychology, a schema is a mental framework that helps individuals organize, process, and store information about their environment. These mental frameworks are essential for understanding the complexities of the world, as they allow us to interpret new experiences through the lens of pre-existing schemas. (Structural-learning.com)

Interpreting New Experiences Through the Lens of Pre-existing Schemas. 

Attraction

A flock of yellow Grossbeaks have just landed on the tree behind me.  I have not been feeding them here though I once fed them in a place  I lived before and there I had them  almost eating out of my hands. I was attracted and attached to their presence then. I stored those sweet and pleasant experiences in my psyche. "Bird-lover", became a part of my identity because of this experience. I also stuffed and stored that identity inside me. That part of my life, however, had ended. I moved on and I moved here.  If it wasn't for my cats, who won't keep their bell collars on, I would put feeders out here for the birds. But alas, it is as it is. I won'tfeed the birds for their own protection.  Anyway, I have never seen Grossbeaks in this yard before. It surprised me to see them covering this tree this morning. It stimulated a pleasant memory.  Watching these birds was very pleasing  to my senses because of what I have stored inside. My senses, because of the past experience with Grossbeaks, were conditioned to view them as pleasant and to allow this experience in. A  "positive  samskara",  a particular mental schemata,  was the filter through which I viewed this little experience unfolding in front of me this morning. I opened fully to it: Feeling grateful for the visit, accepting, honoring, and appreciating Life in this moment. :)

Aversion

Nothing stays the same. 

As I was having my moment here, afterwards, practicing in what I loosely refer to as "sacred time" to my family,  a suffering individual plopped down into my space and started expressing their anger, their negativity, and their strong  distaste for how life is and was for them.  I have had a long history with such expressed suffering.Their story is something I heard many, many times and it has become a part of my mental schemata. I also have past experiences stored within me where this "expression of feeling" and the "seeking of validation" they tell me they "need to do in this way" has escalated  into something very toxic for all involved. So when I hear a certain tone, a certain expectation of me, a certain list of reasons why they are the way  they are and why they cannot get better coming from them...Slam!...the door closes. It's becoming more and more automatic. Why? My overactive amygdala warns me and tells me to close down for self protective reasons.  The whirlwind of  many different untamed emotions, all with their own virbration or nature (prakriti), too often in the past, was blown both intentionally and unintentionally in my direction. I was overwhelmed by it too many times. It left me with this belief that this persons emotions and subsequent choices can be strong enough to blow the strongest person down or suck one in completely. I am therefore physically told by almost every cell in my body, not just the sensory neurons,  to shut down! My senses, therefore,  have become  conditioned to pick up signs that would likley go unnoticed in other situations, by other people, and the moment my senses detect those signs I go into self protection mode...especially when I am feeling as phyiscally exhausted and vulnerable as I feel now.  So this morning, just a few minutes after the pleasant opening expereince I had because of bird visitors, I found myself closing.  The moment the person sat down in my space and I heard that tone,  I found my gut twisting, as it does when I am closing and resisting in aversion. I don't seem to have enough oompf in me these days to tolerate it, let alone handle it in the way a higher being would. I feel like injured prey and I need to hide. Sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?  

When I break it down for objective examination, I see that this individual, just trying to express themself in their mind, was simply triggering some "negative samskaras", and a mental schemata that pre-existed  in my mind. They are not the cause of my suffering, not the casue of my closing...just a trigger finger on the automatic door of my psyche. My senses would not let them all the way  in. because something was telling me it would be dangerous, or at least even more physically exhausting,  to do so. I did not want to add to this person's suffering by closing down but the aversion to that behaviour has become  a conditioned response.  The slamming of the door of the senses, because of my physical fatigue and my desperate need for healing through this sadhanna,  has become so automatic.

I want to be a being that stays open , no matter what...a being that is not ruled by their senses.  That begins with recognizing and understanding how these senses have been conditioned, to understand why my mind sees certain things as pleasant and lets them in and why it sees others things as unpleasant and closes up to them. 

My practice continues.

All is well.

The Bhagavad Gita as translated by Eknath Easwaran ( 2007)  The Bhagavad Gita. Nilgiri Press...Kindle Edition.

Stuctural-learning.com ( May 5, 2023) What is a schema in psychology.  https://www.structural-learning.com/post/schema-in-psychology#:~:text=In%20psychology%2C%20a%20schema%20is,lens%20of%20pre-existing%20sche

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe ( March 29, 2024) Step Back and Be open to Reality. https://tou.org/talks/

An Advanced Form of Psychology

 Yoga is a very advanced form of psychology.

me

I do believe that Yoga, as a science of the mind, offers a very advanced form of psychology.  It is all about observing, examining, and studying our mental modifications...but.... not in order to discover how to fix the outside world so it doesn't disturb the mind patterns, but in order to see  beyond the mind patterns so Life can be accepted exactly as it is. It is "advanced" in that way.  It takes us through the mind to that which exists beyond the mind. 

All is well.

Liberate God

 Liberate God from having to stare at you.

Michael Singer

We need to keep reminding ourselves of the importance of raising our selves up away from that which we are staring at...our personal dramas  The One Consciousness is looking out through our eyes...let's give it something valuable to look at. 

All is well

Micheal A. Singer/Temple of the Universe. ( March 25, 2024) Freedom Beyond Ego's Frame of Reference. https://tou.org/talks/

Bored and Sitting Alone

All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit in a room alone. 

Blaise Pascal

 

So as I sat down this morning, after I read/listened to some old entries that showed up as viewed today on my stats page, and  before I listened to any new stuff, I had this idea I was going to start today's entry with the above quote from Pascal that I was reminded of this morning.  Then, not being sure of what I would listen to, I decide on Eckhart Tolle and open up videos at random...finding this one. And guess what...he is referring to this very same quote. Serendipity! 

What I got from him related to the above quote:

• The mind constantly wants to be stimulated
• but it is important to become aware of the mind's demand for food...for stimulus.
• If the mind doesn't get to the point it is adeqautely distracted, we recognize that feeling of "pervasive unsatisfactoriness" that is always there beneath our constant distractions.
• All these distractions are subsititutes for the feeling of true aliveness.
• It is important to stop feeding the mind all the time and sit with yourself and allow boredom to arise without running away fom it. That is the first step of getting past it...if you don't run away from it, you can get through it.
• He quoted Pascal here
• To sit quitely in a room requires that you be connected to something deeper in you.
• Go through boredom into being.
• You need to break through that mental barrier or otherwise you will spend the rest of your life not being able to sit in a room alone.
• Come home to yourself! So that you can enjoy your own company...

Hmm! Well this is the entry that I read today that inspired me to use that quote: https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.com/2017/09/another-video.html and this is the article I had published in 2017 on that quote: https://thewisdomdaily.com/author/nancyd/

Go figure. Anyway, I have been realizing that I need to work more on solitude and getting past my boredom.  I have been distracting big time and resisting boredom! Though I still practice and teach yoga, go for the odd walk with the dogs, and work a couple of mornings a week, I have been spending most of my daylight  here and time has been flying by in complete diversion. Evenings are spent  knitting, reading, or binging on Netflix as I snack on unhealthy food.  

Why? Because I am not comfortable with myself right now.  As I awaken a lot of samskaras are untangling, bringing  up a bunch of stored pain.  I am also dealing nonstop, it seems,  with all the suffering that is going on in this household, let alone in the world. The body also is noisy.  As a result,I don't like sitting still in a room alone. I want the  diversions and distractions. I am even making excuses for meditation. I am resisting doing what Yogis do. 

Sigh! I know the only way out is through.  Made it a point to show up in my studio every morning where there are no distractions or diversions, to just sit with what is there for an hour or so. Will carry that practice on into the evening as well. Boring maybe, but necessary.

All is well! 

Eckhart Tolle ( March, 2024) Stop Running from Boredom: Eckhart Tolle's Guide to fnding Peace in Solitude. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRXRnDYwePk

The Quantum Field

 

[All this that you are expereincing as Life is ...]God creating creation and dancing in it and you are His ambassodor for the moment that is in front of you.

Michael A. Singer

Wow! I love when someone can connect God with science as Michael A. Singer has done so well in this morning's podcast. 

Yogis have known what Quantum physicists are now discovering in their study of subatomic particles. There is really nothing there...everything comes from nothing ( no- thing). There are no particles; there are only waves or vibrations, fields of potentiality that create the appearance of matter. Absolutely everything we interact with comes from that field.

What is that underlying field from which all things emerge? 

Physicists may call it the "quantum field" but yogis know it as consciousness and that consciousness is God. Devotion is having appreaciation for this field. 

I am not going to regurgitate too much because I want you to hear this basic yogic teaching from someone who explains it so much better than I ever could. Beautiful! 

All is well.

Micheal A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( March 24, 2024) True Devotion: Gratitude for Reality.https://tou.org/talks/

Allowing Body, Mind, and Heart to Purge

 The touch of the soul can paint the brightest colour even in the dingiest places; it can cast a fragrance over the vilest thing; it can make the wicked divine-and all enmity, all selfishness is effaced. The less the thought of the body, the better. For it is the body that drags us down. It is attachment, identification, which makes us miserable. That is the secret: To think that I am the spirit and not the body, and that the whole of this universe with all its relations, with all its good and all its evil, is but a series of paintings-scenes on canvas-of which I am the witness.

Vivekananda, page 17

We are not the body, be it the physical, mental, or emotional body. We are the soul, here to experience Life and the body, mind, and heart are simply tools we have been gifted  to help us do that. 

Do you believe that you are the spirit and not the body? Do you see yourself as a witness of an amazing painting? 

I don't know about you, but the painting I find myself looking at is not always pretty and the artist doesn't really seem to have the right equipment.  I see this way when I am lost in  human drama, when I see myself as the body. 

It is not the body, mind, or heart, as Vivekananda says above, that makes us miserable but our attachment and identification with it that does. Singer takes that farther by telling us, it is how we use these things that make us miserable. Hmm!

I was thinking a lot of my body, heart ( both the physical and nonphysical one),  and mind over the last few days and weeks.  All seemed to be very noisy as I have expressed in long rampages on this site :) So it was both ironic and comforting to hear Michael A. Singer , in the below linked podcast, address these things. 

Making Body, Mind, and Heart Sick

What I got from Thursday's podcast ( I am finally catching up) is this image in my head of all being very similar in one way.  They are similar not in what they are, so much, but how we use them.  They are things...(if I use the word "thing" I am referring to something that is form...and form is not necessarily visible but made up of patterns of vibrations that may or may manifest into matter)...that we tend to  stuff our past experiences of life in until they are sick. 

We use these vehicles, often with disrespect by constantly stuffing things in them that are toxic and unwholesome. And when they react, in order to survive so they can continue doing what they are here to do for us, we judge them and blame them, seeing what they carry as defective. We blame them for making us sick, when we are actually making them sick! Like my body was physically sick earlier this week because of what I was stuffing in it in the form of substances and viruses, and then attempting to purge itself of that which was making it sick, our hearts and mind do the same. They just want to be able to do the job of making our life experience here as amazing as possible and in order to do that they need to be clean and pure inside so the world can pass right through us.  They will constantly try to  throw up or throw out  what is blocking this flow, making them less than healthy. 

Body 

Let's look firstly, at the amazing body we are in.  And, yes, we are "in" our body ( will use the dualistic term "in" so we understand). We are not our bodies, just like you are not the car you drive. We are driving the body. We are responsible for its maintenance and upkeep so it can do its job.  It is a gift we have been given. The body is a vehichle that serves an important purpose. It houses the senses and the senses allow us  to experience this amazing world, this Life. All systems of the body, excluding the reproductive system, are there to support the sensory system, the sensory experience of living. ( Singer, 2024)   Yet, most of us treat these bodies we have been gifted  with great disrespect and even contempt. We are constantly stuffing stuff into them and often that stuff is toxic to this amazing vessel. What happens? We get sick.  The body will then try to purge itself of these noxious substances ( a smoker coughs up what is in the lungs, an overdrinker or over eater may vomit etc) ...and if it cannot do so the body  will be permanently damaged by them. 

How does that apply to the mind and heart, crazy lady?

We...and I mean who we really are...have also been gifted mental and emotional bodies to use while we trample around on this planet. We have been given minds and hearts, minds for processing, creating, experiencing, thinking and hearts for expereincing all the waves of emotions we humans get to expereince. 

And what do we do with these mental and emotional bodies? We keep stuffing stuff in them. We stuff the pleasant emotions and thoughts from experiences we want to repeat and we stuff the unpleasant emotions and thoughts we did not want to experience from the past.  These bodies get sick. 

Disturbed

If you store in your mind everything that ever disturbed you, what will your mind be like? Disturbed

The mind is disturbed and the heart is disturbed in most of us. The heart and mind want to do their job so they naturally try to throw up and throw out what is making them sick.  They want to be pure. We, the drivers of the heart and mind, however, do not want to feel that inner disturbance again. We spend our lives trying to manipulate the world out there so it doesn't induce that tendency for that stuff to come back up.  No one really likes throwing up do they? We use suppression, repression, numbing, and distraction like  Gravol to prevent the vomiting. We then spend the rest of our lives trying to manipulate the future so things in it don't trigger that reflex like Syrup of Ipecac would. The effort it takes to do that is exhausting. 

The mind is not the problem...how we use it is. We use the mind to stuff and store and we use the mind as an anti-emetic to prevent that stored stuff from coming back up. All a while, we continue to stuff our hearts and minds to the brim with stuff  from life we cannot handle.

Cannot handle? What does that mean?

All of Life is meant  to come in through our senses and out again.  It is not supposed to get stuffed or stuck inside us.  The insides of body, mind, and heart are meant to be open, pure, clean, and spacious so we can experience Life and so it can pour right through us. Shakti, then is able to rise up bringing our experience of Life with it.  Yet, our insides are so cluttered by what we stuffed that life experiences get stuck inside us and Shakti gets blocked from flowing. Body, mind, and heart become sick.  They want to purge but too often our life energy is spent on not letting them do what they are naturally inclined to do.  We resist and we are not clean, healthy, and truly fulfilled as a result. 

What do we do then?

Allow for the vomiting.  See every challeng or problem not just as the nectar of life but as  the syrup of Ipecac of Life.  It will help us to purge...to get rid of that which is holding us back. Without that stuff stuck inside we will be able to handle life. 

If you get rid of the stuff that  is in there, it won't be there...and reality can pass right through. Michael A. Singer

The body, mind, and heart are amazing tools we have been given in order to better experience this life...but we do need to keep them clean. Stop stuffing more in and get rid of the stuff that is already in the way.Why? So we can enjoy the amazing scenes on this canvas as the witness.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/Temple of Universe ( March 21, 2024) Respecting the Gift of Body, Mind and Heart. https://tou.org/talks/

Swami Vivekananda (2019) Meditation and Its Methods. Kindle Edition. 

A Yogi?

 A Yogi?

He who hates none, 

who is the friend to all, 

who is merciful to all, 

who has nothing of his own, 

who is free from egoism, 

who is forbearing,

who is always satisfied,

who works always in Yoga,

whose self has become controlled,

whose will is firm,

whose mind and intellect are give up into Me,

such a one is my beloved Bhakta.

From whom comes no disturbance, 

who cannot be disturbed by others,

who is free from joy, anger, fear, and anxiety,

such a one is My beloved. 

He who does not depend on anything,

who is pure and active,

who does not care whether good comes or evil,

and never becomes miserable,

who has given up all efforts for himself,

who is the same in praise or in blame,

with a silent thoughtful mind,

blessed with what little comes in his way,

homeless,

for the whole world is his home,

and who is steady in his ideas,

such a one is My beloved bhakta,

[Such alone becomes  Yogis]

Translated exerpt, I assume,  from the Gita (Chapter 2?)where Lord Krishna is defining a true devotee to Arujuna,

and  shared by Vivekananda in Meditation and Its Methods, page 25

All is well.

The Pull Down

 Are you willing to give up God in order to go down to the garbage?

95% of what consumes us as problems and drama is meaningless, according to Michael Singer in Monday's podcast ( I am a bit behind). Yet, 95 plus % of our life is spent there rather than on the One thing that is meaningful: Our consciousness, our true Nature, our Sat Chit Ananda. Most of us humans are caught up in our personal dramas, in an attempt to get what the mixed up mind wants in order for us to feel okay inside.  We struggle our entire life spans pushing away that which makes us feel worse, clinging and grasping to that which might make us feel okay ( according to the psyche)...when we are already, naturally, okay inside, beneath the psyche.  Who we are, at the deepest level, is more than okay.  It is eternal conscious bliss. 

If we want to be free, to be so called "spiritual", to be who we are...we need to let go of the attraction to, the pull of  this very distracting thing we got ourselves all caught up in..."Me and its never ceasing drama". Not that is an easy thing to do.  No, this pull, I am discovering , is very , very powerful. 

The trick is to simply be aware of it...be aware of the pull the personal me has on our consciousness; be aware that the consciousness is being pulled down or has been pulled down once again; be aware of the consciousness that got pulled down; be aware that there is a consciousness watching your "me" prance around in its drama. Be aware that that consciousness never went away, we just had its gaze pointed in a different direction...down instead of up.  We were looking at the garbage down here instead of looking at what it was that was aware of the garbage down here. 

Hmm! Something to think about.

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( Monday 18, 2024) Witness Consciousness-Releasing the Powerful Pull of the Personal. https://tou.org/talks/

Raise Your Self! Look up!

The higher thought processes can free you from your lower self. 

Michael A. Singer.

Raise your Self! Just raise yourself.  Look up!

I often tell my students during hatha class to keep looking up. whether their eyes are open or not. I want them looking up toward the sky during most asanas and I want them lifting their gaze to the sixth chakra or above during seated or meditative practice.  "Just keep looking up". 

It no longer seems natural for us to look up, does it?

We are habitually drawn to, unfortunately, as in little me's never ceasing dramas, that which is down.  Ego brings us down, Spirit (or whatever you want to call it) naturally pulls us up. Focusing on this body, heart, and mind, and what is happening to it brings the energy of  consciousness which is meant to be elevated and euphoric...down. Most of us are spending our lives looking down rather than up.

I love Singer's reminder to his podcast audience last Sunday that this powerful flow of energy called Shakti is within us all.  For most of us,  it will remain coiled up and asleep at the base of our spines our entire life without us even knowing it is there ( Kundalini).  For yogis, however, who seek to gently and gradually wake this sleeping energy up, to unblock the Sushumna so Shakti can flow up through the higher chakras...there is the possibility that we just may experience that magnificent flow within us at some point in this life time. If we can do our best to stop creating more blockages to the flow with our preferences, resistance, supression, and repression; if we can learn to release and relax into life; if we can learn to refocus our awareness and to look up away from all that  we are so addicted to looking at ...keeping the gaze of consciousness on the subject of consciousness rather than the object...we just might wake up that coiled energy. So, look up instead of down...is my mantra.

Though I remind my students and  myself how important it is to keep the gaze up to where that higher energy comes from...sometimes I slip and find my focus pulled down as I did a few days ago. I found myself looking down into the muddy whirlpool of a "me" in a body that is constantly making noise that seems so difficult for others to hear because that just may be the way it is supposed to be, a "me" who is surrounded by the thick mud of circumstantial drama as it keeps getting  pulled down into it like quicksand. I find myself sinking, sinking, sinking until all I can see is the mud on either side of me.  This is what happens when I forget to keep my gaze up, when I fail to fall back into a much purer, mud free flow I cannot yet see or feel but know instinctively  is there. I forgot to look up. I got stuck in the mud, of human drama.

Whenever I realize I once again n fell into the mud of  mind created suffering rather than the clear, healing  flow of Shakti...I sigh...and return to my yoga practice. Again, and again, and again. My practice is all about not closing or resisting to what life is giving me, therefore, not adding more blockages to the Shakti flow.  It is about creating space for the samskaras to arise and be released as they are so inclined to do. It is about allowing: allowing  Life to be exactly as it is and allowing whatever I stuffed in my psyche to emerge so I can let it go. I know that is the only way to go.

How do I know it?

I don't know. I just do.  Though I practice all kinds of yoga : Hatha Yoga, Karma Yoga, Kriya Yoga, sometimes Japa Yoga, and Raja Yoga...I think it is  the Jhana Yoga that has gotten me so far. I am trying to use the higher thought processes to bring this "me" up and out. I study and write what I learn from masters who studied and wrote because that is so natural for me.  I teach as I learn because that too is natural for me. Though I am keenly aware of the limitations of concepts and such knowing...I often use this means to raise me from the mud. 

I am not sure if I will ever truly expereince the free flow of Shakti within me in this carnation but somehow the learning I am doing is pointing the way there. If  I get there, this  method of freeing myself from the mud will be totally obselete, I am sure. It won't matter once I am floating in the Shakti.

As I practice Jhana and all other forms of yoga; as I take each step and breathe each braeth...I need to remember to keep looking up. Keep looking up.

All is well 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( March 17, 2024) Shakti-A Deep Dive Into Your Energy Flow. https://tou.org/talks/

Every Act is a Vehicle for Transformation

 May your every act in life, down to your very breath, be a vehicle for bringing matter into spirit and spirit into matter. May you become a transformation so you can live in the world but not of the world, so you are both the word and the silence, you are the form and the formless, with every breath.

Ram Dass

I have been out of commission the last few days. :) I have been up and down and all around physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I was pulled into the drama of being me in a body that was crying for attention, a mind that "thought it needed" to know why the body was crying out, and all this in the midst of the never ceasing drama occurring around me. Let me share a bit of the narrow story I was allowing my consciousness to focus on. ( Beware: It might be a little longwinded.)

I was booked for a simple procedure everyone my age  is recommended to have. I literally refused this procedure twice before because I didn't think I needed it and I did not want to waste tax payers money. That was before certain minor issues I was having were becoming more and more prevalent and annoying.  So, I eventually  straight out asked for this test because I thought it would give the answer as to why I was having that pain in my LLQ since 2017, and the other associated things.  A cyst under 4 cms could not be the cause of all this, I thought. There had to be something else.  

You see, I have a mind that needs to understand this body's signs and symptoms  in pathophysiological terms....just as a mechanic needs to understand why the car they are driving is acting up.   It drives me crazy when it doesn't make sense. I don't want all the fancy tests and procedures...I just want to be able to see and understand what is going on in my body. A sensible explanation...two miniutes in length...is all I need. If a plausible explanation makes sense to me...if I can see that this is related to this and that is caused by that...I am okay with whatever is thrown at me...but if I am told, "It is all good," when this body is still making all this noise,  I will respond with, "Tell me why it is all good when I still have this or that going on.What is causing this or that?  I am not asking you to fix it...I am just asking you to tell me what it is so I can understand it. "  

I don't want to hear that it is all good when this body is so noisy....you know? What is this body wanting me to hear?  I will do whatever I can, first,  to figure it out myself so I do not need to go ask someone else. I don't want to bother anybody with the body's nonsense.  I don't want all these tests and stuff.  If I can handle it on my own.  I will handle it on my own.  I have a fairly sound understanding of pathophysiology and I figure out about 85% of my stuff on my own. 15 % I can't .  But for the 15%  I can't figure  out ...I go to the experts. That is what drives me to health seek. I am not afraid of being ill.  I am not afraid of dying...but ...I have to understand what is happening so I can make peace with it. When I present or show up for a test, I am just needing an explaination as to  what this body is saying because at those times I can't understand its language. It is not the symptoms, or the possibility of being ill that bothers me...it is the "not knowing" what the body is saying that I have a hard time with. Sigh!  It is just the way my mind works! 

Anyway.... so I have been having a heck of a week with all that is going on around "me" prior to this procedure date.  I was really pulled from my Seat of Self and into the drama, as much as I didn't want to admit it.  That could have intensified the symptoms.  (The body does respond to stress, does it not? I possibly narrowed my focus on to the body's noise.) So, as the symptoms intensified...purely psychosomatic or not...I was even more determined to have this procedure explain the nature and cause of my symptoms once and for all. If I could find peace in what the body was doing I would have more space for handling the life circumstances. So, I was determined to have this procedure no matter what! I wanted to put an end to the not knowing. I wanted the  peace I assumed an answer would bring...regardless of that answer.  Despite the circumstances occurring around me, despite everything I might be feeling etc...I was determined!

Yet...it seemed that fate had other things in mind. 

Well the day before the procedure and while I was prepping for it...D. and I came down with the stomache flue...very high temps, nausea...the whole works. I mean sick. Like what are the chances of that? Still, I was not going to cancel! I needed an answer.  So, there I was having to prep with the most God awful stuff in the world ...making myself sicker than I already was but I was determined! It was very, very challenging. At one point I was laying on the bathroom floor sweating profusely...I think the sweat was coming out of my eyeballs...almost convinced I was going to die. I wasn't sure if it was the heart or the stomach but man...sick! 

Anyway...I get through it and I show up for the procedure ( fever had broken in the night so I was feeling better that way but literally wiped out.) 

I wait with the knowing that soon I would find out what has been going on down there for years now.  I would have this peace.  I am not nervous.  I am repeating "Om mani padme hum" to myself.  I am speaking to the support around me I cannot see...saying, "Whatever this is, it is. Give me the strength to make peace with it all." The nurse gives me the sedative and I go out.  

I didn't remember much right after the procedure  but I do remember now...the alarms going off behind me and some pressure in my belly and chest...not much just enough but I was still too drowsy to react.  Then I remember being wheeled back down to my cubicle,,,someone telling me it is over and asking how I am feeling...someone  calling for an ECG...someone  saying, "She had some ST changes during the procedure." 

I am too drowsy to wake up.  Infact, I don't really care about that. I want to know about the scope. I fall back to sleep and am awakened by an ECG tech putting leads on me. Everyone is asking if I am okay.  I am. I am pleasantly drowsy...no pain anywhere. I fall back to sleep. Then D. is there and the nurse.  I am told I had some ST changes during the procedure. Still not concerned. I am just wondering what the scope showed. I am told the ECG will be faxed to my doctor and I still don't care.  ST depression I have had plenty of times. I am shown the report and it is compared to the last one...Sure there are chnages but I have seen such changes before.  Not concerned.  What about the scope? 

They begin to prepare me for discharge.  I am super light headed but no chest discomfort what so ever. I see the surgeon walking down the hall . I feel my heart racing.  I need to know. They are talking about my ECG and my heart history.  He comes in and tells me right away that I had some ST changes during the procedure and that I need to see my doctor...to take my ASA etc...that the ECG report was faxed. I nod my head. He starts to walk away. Huh? "What about the scope?" "Oh scope is good. It is all good?" I am stunned, "It's good?"  The nurse beside him tries to reassure me, "That's a good thing." They do not understand that I just need an explanation as to what my body is doing.  I think I thanked him...I hope I did. He walks away. I reassure the nurse that  there is no reason for concern about the ST changes. She tells me to follow up with my doctor. I tell her I will even though I know I probably won't.   I go home and spend the hours up til now  very lightheaded with no answer for my need to know mind. 

The symptoms I was having that led me to the procedure continue. The symptoms I was having after it linger on as well. The drama continues around me.  I have no energy to help anyone. I think of how good it felt to be out of it for the 20 minutes I was out lol but know in my heart that is not what I want or need.  The peace I am longing for is not found in a temporary sedative...nor will it be found in an explanation for what my body is doing. 

The answer is not what I need to have peace! In fact, I didn't get my answer because I was not meant to... It was like wow....I really am not supposed to know am I? Why else would this thing in my heart that I spent decades trying to get people to diagnose and  had such a hard time proving to others was  even real show up distracting all  from the purpose at hand.  In my health seeking history for one bizarre reason after another, I never did get answers to all that was going on in my heart and with the other issues in this body until decades after presenting with them. I always seemed to go decades seeking and not finding. It would literally take decades for the answers to show up. Why would this situation be any different?

This is part of my karmic journey, my learning. For some reason, this having a mind that needs to know and the subsequent  not knowing is meant to be.  I am not supposed to find peace in an answer, in knowing conceptually what is going on in this body I have been given. I am supposed to find peace in the not knowing. It really doesn't matter what is happening to this vessel.  I am not it. I think the learning is telling me I am to have faith in this process... a process I don't understand or need to understand.  Hmm! 

Someday, maybe I will truly get that everything I do, every single thing that happens to this "me"  is a  vehicle for bringing matter into spirit, and spirit into matter. Maybe someday I will realize that I am more formless than form. Maybe, someday I will realize that the peace I am looking for is already in me. 

All is well. 

The Cost of Sat Chit Ananda

The Song of Samadhi 

Lo! The sun is not, nor the comely moon,

All light extinct; in the great void of space

Floats shadow-like the image-universe.

In the void of mind involute, there floats

The fleeting Universe, rises and floats,

Sinks again, ceaseless, in the current "I".

Slowly, slowly, the shadow-multitude

Entered the primal womb, and flowed ceaseless,

The only current, the "I am", "I am". 

Lo! 'Tis stopped, ev'n that current flows no more,

Void merged into void-beyond speech and mind

Whose heart understands, he verily does.

Swami Vivekananda

(Meditation and Its Methods, page 25)

                                                                          

                                                                            All is well!