Another Poem in Progress

In Active Labour with One of Three Poems 

 I felt a poem wanting to come through today as I was listening to the wise speaking about letting go.  Something Thich Nhat Hanh said, in particular, led to some labor pains.  I also have a poem that wanted to come out a week ago that is still waiting to be delivered.  And as I was taking the dogs for a walk today I felt  another one rumbling inside me ... something to do with how suddenly it was May.  Three poems waiting to come out. I figured it was time to get at least one of those babies on paper. So I sat down when I got home and scribbled on a piece of paper several things that popped up until this came out of the birthing room. Don't judge my baby, k?

Work in Progress

Where is April? 

May just seemed to appear, 

out of nowhere. 

She is  suddenly here beside me 

smiling in the  bright and sunny

way she does. 

Wrapped in colorful ribbons  

with their long tails floating behind her,

she playfully skips every second step.

Her unexpected appearance 

surprises me and 

my winter-weary body

finds it hard to keep up. 

My dogs, excited by the scent of her,

strain at their leashes to embrace 

all that she is.

.  

She is certainly embraceable.

Still,

I was not expecting May's company so soon.

It leaves me a little unsettled

Only yesterday, it seemed,

 I walked with 

an exhausted April down this very same trail. 

I slowed my step

when she  gasped for  breath 

between the late lashings 

of  snow and sleet and ice she was receiving.

 I turned my eyes away ,

blushing in embarrassment 

when  the  frustrated maternal sky, 

dark and heavy with disappointment

stood over her forth child , hands on hips

disciplining much too loudly. 

I listened, though I didn't want to, 

while Sky coached  her daughter , not so gently,

to give back that which she had stolen

from the invisible world around us.

And April,

insisting, to no avail, 

that she was innocent and wrongfully accused, 

not knowing what else to do, I suppose,

just hung her heavy head and cried. 

She cried and cried and cried. 

Only yesterday, it seemed,

I was in the company of a weeping April.

Assuming she would appreciate 

my silent nonjudgmental company,

I was quiet as we walked together,

my eyes down cast 

focusing on her heavy step

and  her fists curled up into tight little balls

as  tears brought on by her mother's grey wrath

made deep puddles around our feet.. 

Only yesterday, it seemed,

I walked with April

but today  she and the dirty  patches of snow

she clung to for penance

and the puddles of tears

I've become so used to,

are no where to be seen . 

She has disappeared

without so much as a goodbye.

Yesterday, I walked with April

and today, I walk with May. 

 I look into the  youthful  face

of my new companion, 

so different than her sister's, 

flushed with sunshine, 

eyes shining with nature's approval

as beams of golden accolades 

from a blue and spacious mother

drop upon her,

touching all with that

which April never knew.

Though I find myself 

smiling at May's company,

laughing at her silly antics,

warmed by her happy and joyful disposition  

I miss the sensitive company

of her older sister.

Maybe because 

 I can empathize with April  more. 

Besides, I have been made privy to April's  secret, 

to the truth she withheld from her mother. 

I caught  a glimpse 

when her grip loosened

of that which was  hidden in

her once tight little fists ...

 Green and hopeful,

magical and precious...

I seen the gems shining through

the cracks in  her tired fingers. 

Her mother was right...

She had stolen from the ethereal  space around us.

She  had taken wisps of Life from the air...

when no one was looking 

and squeezed her fists around it, 

hiding it, protecting it, 

saving it for her little sister's glory.

And now, unseen and ethereal too,

she  gives it back to all. 

I see her opened palms 

on the tips of hardwood branches,

the helmets  of crocuses, daffodils  and tulips 

pushing their way through the  frozen earth, 

and in the tufts of grass where the puddles were. 

I see her little hands  opening everywhere,

releasing the magic of her stolen gift 

into a yawning world

and

I know she has not left us.  

 May is here now, 

laughing and skipping beside me,

receiving her mother's golden approval,

only  because of her big sister's  selfless  sacrifice.

April  has not left us.  

She is everywhere. 

© Dale-Lyn, May, 2022

 Man, it always blows me away how "soulful" poetry is, how it opens up to the depth of who we are.  After I wrote this poem, as imperfect as it may be, I became aware of a deeper meaning to it.  I seen my late sister as April and the rest of us younger sister (4) as growing and glowing because of her.  Wow!  I had no idea I was thinking of her but there she ws.  Like April, she is still everywhere. 

All is well. 

Forgiveness and Love in a Dancing Heart

 The heart that dances is the innocent heart. The one that cannot laugh is burdened. It is the dancing heart that is harmless. 

Gary Zukav

Besides clarity and humility, the other two characteristics of an awakening human being (what Zukav refers to as the "multi-sensory personality") are the ability to forgive and the ability to Love. 

Forgiveness is not a moral issue.  It is an energy dynamic. ...forgiveness means you do not carry the baggage of an experience. ...you do not hold others responsible for your experience....When you forgive you release critical judgment of yourself and others. You lighten up.

An authentically empowered person lives in love. Love is the energy of the soul.  Love is what heals  the personality.  There is nothing that cannot be healed by love.  There is nothing but love. 

Love does more than bring peace where there is conflict.  It brings a different way of being in the world. It brings harmony and an active interest in the well-being of others.  It brings concern and care.  It brings Light. It washes away the concerns of the personality.  In the Light of love there is only love. 

From Chapter 15, Power

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Letting Go of Our Cows

 There is great joy in having nothing to lose.

Thich Naht Hanh

Letting Go seemed to be the main topic  that I grasped today in my listening to the words of others much wiser than this thing I call  "me'.  I listened to the same four I listened to yesterday in  different videos at least address this idea : Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hanh and The Mindful Movement. 

Watts talked about the need to release this entire idea of "self" and by doing so we  give up this strange notion and effort of transforming ourselves. He said attempting to transform ourselves is like trying to lift ourselves up into the air by pulling on our own boot straps. Requiring so much effort getting us nowhere. If we would only let go of all this wasted effort, these false ideas we have of self and what self needs to do and just instead...stop and watch...watch it, watch nature , just watch what is happening in us and around us without judging, labeling, making distinctions about what is "bad, wrong, shouldn't be" ...our nature will begin to take care of itself.  Why?  Because when we let go, we simply get out of the way of a very natural and effortless flow. 

Eckhart Tolle spoke of the idea of letting go of the need for  will and effort in order to reach a higher level of being.  He spoke of the need for "relaxed alertness" and "gentle surrender" instead of trying to "force" ourselves into the present moment....which is an oxymoron in itself. This reminded me, as I was listening, of the Taoist philosophy of "effortless action", of flowing like water".  

Then as I was meditating to another guided meditation from The Mindful Movement , that came up for my consideration, I was encouraged to let go of the things within me that no longer serve: my negativity, this knot of restlessness and worry in my core, my past etc. 

Finally, listening to Thich Nhat Hanh, I was reminded of the importance of "releasing our cows", of letting go of our attachments, to those things we erroneously believe are necessary for our happiness.  We need to see that they are in fact obstacles to our peace and joy. One of the biggest cows we have to release and let go of is the  idea of happiness we hold onto based on the "if only " and the "when" of obtaining and clinging to  certain things or circumstances.  If only  I could get that publication, then I will be happy" or " I will only be happy if I can hang onto this level of success and  financial stability. "  "I will be happy when I find my soul mate...."When I can find a way to make my soul mate stay and never want to leave, then I will be happy. " 

A few entries ago I wrote about the cows I lost and the cows I am still clinging to.  There was a time in my life, where getting a clear and other-acceptable  medical diagnosis for my condition and therefore the treatment and support needed was a cow I desperately chased after. Man, was it a cow that didn't want to get caught lol.  I chased it and chased it and chased it from one pasture to another.  It was always so close...I could see it but it was never meant to be caught.  It was never mine to own, I guess.

I probably would have left that cow alone a lot sooner if it wasn't  for the fact that it was a lead cow.  All the  cows I seemed to have  in my life wanted to follow it.  The cows I clung to and thought I needed to stay happy and well:  a certain financial security, a level of health and fitness I cherished, a recognized and reputed social role,  a sense of purpose, the things this brought my children and self, a certain dignity and independence...just seemed to take off after this other cow I could never catch.  Before long I was like the farmer lost and desperately seeking cows I thought were mine. It took me a long time to realize that I was much better off without these cows...that they were actually obstacles in my Life preventing me from seeing what was beyond them.  When I released them and let them go...I felt tremendous peace and freedom.  It wasn't so much the cows themselves that were the problem, I realized.  It was my attachment to them...this idea I had that I needed them to be happy.  My spiritual growth sky rocketed  upon that realization.Hmm! 

There is truly joy in having nothing to lose. 

Anyway, letting go of our clinging, striving, our ideas of "me", all that which does not serve the greater Self and therefore the greater good, is a necessary thing for our growth and liberation. Gently surrendering to "what is" is always the best option.

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle (April 28, 2022 ) Does Will power Play a Part in Awakening. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mUocelSg7s

Thich Nhat Hanh/Awakened Nature (August, 2016) Thich Nhat Hanh Teaches About Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJCdkNXYOa0

Alan Watts/ Motivation Core (Jan, 2022) Alan Watt's Eye Opening Speech-Unexpected Truth.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfe7LUmqhcI

The Mindful Movement (September, 2016) 20 Minute Guided Meditation Letting Go of Negativity to  Unlock Your Full potential https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfsaEX9RX60

A Time For Everything

 A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

• a time to be born and a time to die
• a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted
• a time to kill [?], and a time to heal
• a time to break down, and a time to build up
• a time to weep, and a time to laugh
• a time to mourn and a time to dance
• a time to cast away stones, and a time to cast stones together
• a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing
• a time to seek, and a time to lose
• a time to keep, and a time to cast away
• a time to tear, and a time to sew
• a time to keep silence, and a time to speak
• a time to love, and a time to hate [?]
• a time for war[?], and a time for peace. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ESV  

(My inserted question marks may be  indications that I am still resisting through judgement the 

selected parts of the  flow of Life...or maybe it is an indication that I am just resisting man's BCE belief in the flow of human life based on the culture at that time??? )

Anyway...beautiful just the same. 

Note: was reminded of this passage today by Michael Singer in his podcast, Looking Into the Lake of Life. 

It clicked with :

It [clarity] is the perception in each moment that everything is designed for wholeness and perfection, and every aspect serves ultimately a beautiful learning. An authentically empowered personality...sees perfection in the smallest details everywhere.  Wherever it looks, it sees the hand of God. (Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul)

All is well! 

Clarity

Clarity is the perception of wisdom.  It is seeing with wisdom. It is being able to see and understand the illusion, and to let it play.

Gary Zukav

There has been so much learning today, from the last few pages of Zukav's The Seat of the Soul, from a Michael Singer Podcast , Looking into the Lake of Life which automatically reminded me of a poem I wrote a few years ago (see below), a guided meditation I listened to to from The Mindful Movement, Trust the Journey, and from my own meditation while gems of wisdom from the Yoga Vasisthas were recited in the background(Deepak Chopra). All of it connected in some strange serendipitous way bringing "my" little mind to this one thought about clarity.

Clarity is about being able to see beyond the illusion.

What illusion?

The outer world is there.  There are objects out there, just as the water on the Lake is out there but what we "see" is an illusion.  We do not see the water on the Lake of Life, we only see our reflection.  Like Narcissus, we are so absorbed with our reflection, so addicted to this idea of "little me" we cannot see that world our reflection is projected on. Until we are "enlightened", free of the illusion, everything we look upon will be contaminated by our perceptions, judgement, and expectations. As long as we are mesmerized by the illusion we will do whatever we can to prevent others and ourselves from disturbing it. We will be separated from Life by our fear.

What we are doing is attaching our personal and unreal meaning to that which is impersonal and real.  We don't know Life...we don't truly experience it when we are afraid to go beyond the surface reflection, that is merely an illusion we have of ourselves, and into the depths of the Lake, to the reality of Life. We cannot truly experience what it is to be alive in this moment  when we are afraid of disturbing that idea we have of "self". 

When we see wisely, we have clarity and with clarity we see how our reflection is in the way.  We can  see it as an illusion and are not afraid to go beyond it to the reality of Life. 

In the very imperfect poem below, I attempted to show just how futile it is to desperately attempt to cling to this notion we have of "little me", this reflective illusion. Clarity will guide us to freedom. 

 The Ego's Reflection

Like Narcissus did so curiously, many centuries ago
I look about for who I am.  I simply do not know.
When I glance into the water I am surprised by what I see;
there I find a shiny reflection staring smugly back at me.

"This must be who I am," I utter as I reach in to pick "me" up
but  alas this watery  image, with my hands, I just can't seem to cup.
It slips through my fingers no matter how tightly I hold on.
It drips, slithers  and  trickles away. What am I doing wrong?

Fear then overcomes me. This precious image I do not want to  lose.
So I seek and grasp  at any  form around me that  I can somehow use
to help me retrieve my perfect self from the surface of this lake;
to gather it up  in its shiny  form within me,  to end a desperate  ache.

But no matter what I grab or try to cling to, like the water, it slips through
the space between my fingers and disappears from earthly view.
I can not understand it as my  confusion and  frustration grows
I cry out questions to the Echo, to Nemesis and to anyone that knows.

"Why is it so challenging to hold onto a dense  object made of matter?
And why does this lovely image I look upon break apart and splatter
whenever I dip my fingers beneath the surface the gawking world sees?"
Then I hear the silent  answer from within me and I fall down upon  my knees.
 
What I look upon so longingly, will never be more than a  mere  reflection
always lacking in the depth of being , in sweet stillness and divine perfection.
I am not just a shadow rippling on the surface of this pool of collected rain
I am the Seer, not the seen.  I am the  creator, not the  goddess of the vain.

White and gold petals soon surround the image  marking its glorious rebirth
and the roots of understanding ground the Self I am more deeply into earth. 
Who I am cannot be reflected back for anyone to name, or know or see
and it is with  this eternal knowing that the Observer is finally set free.
 

©Dale-Lyn Feb 2020

All is well!

Deepak Chopra &Adam Plack( n.d.) The Secret of Healing: Meditations for Transformation. Spotify 

Michael Singer/ Sounds True ( April 30, 2022) Michael Singer podcast: Looking Into the Lake of Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G1zvgJvm7Y

The Mindful Movement ( December 23, 2017)) Mindfulness Meditation:  Trust the Journey: Guided Meditation 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

 He prayeth well, who loveth well

Both man and bird and beast.

He prayeth best, who loveth best

All things both great and small;

For the dear God who loveth us,

He made and loveth all.

From: The Rime of the Ancient Mainer, Samuel Taylor Coleridge (Sam)

This is the lesson learned and shared by the only surviving crew member of a ship that was pulled from England to the South Pole , then to the Pacific ocean and then mysteriously back home in this very long epic and classic poem.  This ancient Mariner  is now left to tell the gruesome ghostly tale of Life on that boat...a karmic debt created by his using a cross bow to kill an albatross who had befriended the crew, gave them hope and was seen as a good luck charm. This resulted in instant Karma, though I am not sure "Karma" would have been a word Coleridge would have used. :)  The crew member had to watch all his crew starve, thirst ( thus the line "Water, water everywhere") and perish only to return to life in a ghostly way while he craved for a death that never came.  His karmic debt now requires him to tell the haunting  story to someone every night in order to avoid being haunted by that memory  throughout the day of what he had done and what had followed. The  teaching he wants and needs to leave behind to those he selects to tell it to,  is that it is important to love all of God's creatures. It is so important , To do no harm!

Hmm! Felt compelled to put that here for some reason.

All is well! . 

Home is where the heart is

He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his  home.

Johann Wolfgang Van Goethe

I am going to ask you a question and it may seem that the answer to that question is going to be a "no-brainer". But really think about it.  

If you had a choice of living in an eloquent mansion, with everything your body needs or wants a reach away,  and being very, very unhappy or  living in  a cardboard box, never knowing where your next meal is coming from, and being very, very happy...what would you choose? 

I asked D. that question today and he had to think.  He was really leaning towards the mansion, reciting all kinds of reasons about how external circumstances make   the cardboard box a terrible choice.  I reminded him that he was blissfully happy while in the box and terribly, terribly unhappy while in the mansion. He has yet to give me an answer. 

What does this question really ask? 

It asks how much do you still believe that our circumstances determine our happiness and inner wellness? It asks, after all our learning, which path do you believe is the way to go : the horizontal or the vertical? It asks you to think about what needs are driving you at the present moment: the artificial needs of the personality or the authentic needs of the soul? It asks you to determine what it is you value most: outer or inner, body/ mind or soul, external comfort or internal peace.  It asks you to consider how much do you trust Life to provide what is really important? 

Hmm! 

I now know what I would choose.  I  know where inner wellness and happiness come from.  I know what path will take me farther in the long run. I know what needs I want to have driving me, even if at this part of my journey,  I may slip quite a bit. I know what I value most.  I am also wanting so very much to trust Life. 

Though I have never lived in either a mansion or a cardboard box, I have a tiny bit of life experience in the form of such decisions.   I have trusted Life before in some of my decision making and it was oh so scary to let go of certain things I thought I valued and needed. But I did! Did I manifest a life of  instant happiness, freedom, and enlightenment out of that choice?...no. 
Did I get aptly rewarded with comfort, ease and material abundance  for my oh so evolved decision ...definitely not. Did I encounter some suffering on the horizontal plane after that decision.  Big time!   Would I make the same choice again?  Yeah! I am confidant it was the best decision for me at the highest level. It was a huge step towards my "true" direction in Life. 

Now most of us will never have to choose between a mansion or a cardboard box, Thank God.  Most of will find ourselves living somewhere between those two points.  The question is then, regardless of your housing situation, regardless of your external circumstances...are you as happy and as well as you are meant to be?  Regardless of external environments  can you  find and fully experience the peace that is already right here and right now? 

Are you home? 

If not...maybe you need to have a good long look, not at the walls that surround you, but the walls you have built in your mind. Maybe, you like so, so many of us have to learn to let go and to trust Life a little more. Maybe, we all need to close our eyes and fall back into the circumstances Life  knows will take us to where we really want to be, that will nourish our souls even if it challenges our bodies and minds. . Who knows, maybe a few months in a cardboard box is exactly what our soul needs and wants in order to accomplish what it is here to do.  

Well that is something to at least think about, isn't it? 

All is well in my world. 

Renounce

 Renounce all notions... And  renounce the renouncer of those notions. When even the notion of the ego sense has ceased, you will be like infinite space. 

The Yoga Vasistha

All is well! 

Are You Operating From a Humble Spirit?

When the effort that finishes last in time has the same value that finishes first, when the quality of the immortal, timeless soul is honored instead of the time-bound personality and body, when your giving is not impeded by fear of vulnerability, when the size, color, or shape of what you receive or do not receive does not matter, you will know the power of a humble spirit. 

Gary Zukav, page 215

In Chapter 15: Power, Zukav explains that there are four basic characteristics of the authentically empowered human being: humility, forgiving nature, clarity and lovability. 

I am stuck on humble. The authentically empowered human is first of all, humble. I want so badly to be humble but I wonder if I am operating from a truly humble spirit or if my ego is just trying to create an image of humility so I feel spiritually superior? When I read the above passage, which by the way could have been taken from a passage in the Tao Te Ching, I began to question just how truly humble I am. 

When the effort that finishes last in time has the same value that finishes first...

(There is definitely a verse in the Tao that pretty much covers this notion...I just cannot remember where it is right now.) If we put just as much effort in the beginning of our endeavor as we do in the end...without faltering, without getting caught up in the need to competitively get ahead or "win". If we are not concerned with how we place in the scheme of things or in comparison to others...valuing what we do without attachment to outcome, unconcerned whether we are first or last, ....then we will know a humble spirit.    

When the quality of the immortal, timeless soul is honored instead of the time-bound personality and body....

When we recognize and salute ( as in "Namaste" ) , appreciate and revere the soul in ourselves and others; when we see and revere the endless, changeless nature of it over the impermanent, unreal and insignificant nature of the "little me" which is made up of body and mind, a false  identity we create...then we will know a humble spirit.

When your giving is not impeded by fear of vulnerability...

When we can give of ourselves without fear of what will happen to "little me" , without fear that we will expose its weaknesses and imperfections when we put ourselves out there to give what we have to give, that we may be setting  it up for failure, leaving  it defenseless and unprotected , taking away from it in order to give therefore creating loss,  ...if we can get beyond that fear and that notion that we have to defend "little me"so that we can give  freely from the heart  ...then we will know a humble spirit. 

When the size, color, or shape of what you receive or do not receive does not matter...

When we perceive Life's offerings without judgement, and distinction, labeling or describing...when we don't demand that Life gives us certain, specific things in a certain, specific way...when we trust Life enough to let it decide what we should have  or what we shouldn't have...not grasping or pushing away...when we openly accept Life as it unfolds in front of us without attachment to any of it, appreciating all of it...then we will know a humble spirit. 

When we can stop asking for or grasping for those things we do not need even when the mind tells us we do, if we can simply trust that the Universe has our back...that it knows what we truly need and it will provide, if we see that when we don't get that promotion or that publication that is just the Universe's way of saying we really didn't need it for our growth...and that broken leg or divorce...may be exactly what you needed on your journey toward love and wisdom....then we will truly know a humble spirit. 

Working on it.  What about you? 

A humble spirit does not ask for more than it  needs, and what it needs the Universe provides. A humble spirit is content with the fulfillment of its authentic needs,and is not burdened with artificial needs. page 216

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

King Janak's Example of Conquering the Mind

 Oh, I know at last the thief who has robbed me of the Atmic jewel of my Self.  His name is Mind. Long and grievously I have suffered, I shall impale him with his own bright sword of thought. 

I sat with a loved one in distress last evening and listened to her relay a very familiar story, one that many, many  minds create, one that causes great stress and unease inside her.  She relayed her misery over  failed attempts of reaching that which she was grasping for from the outside world in hope that it would bring her peace. Without it, her mind was convincing her,  she was doomed to a life without peace.  I wanted so badly to tell her that her suffering was a wonderful thing.  It could be a door that could bring her to  true everlasting peace if she could only look at it that way. It could lead her away from listening to the mind.   I wanted to tell her to stop her grasping because that is what was   keeping her from that which she was seeking.  I wanted to tell her to stop looking "out there" for her fulfillment.  That everything she needed was already within her...and the peace that would fulfill her would only be found by stopping, slowing down, relaxing into what is and going inward as King Janak had done. As she spoke about her stress and how her mind just wouldn't stop becasue of all the things that were happening in her Life...I wanted to explain to her that it was her mind that was the problem not what Life was doing  and that she could, she could master it. I wanted to tell her all this and though I may have slipped a few suggestions, a few pieces of this ancient and eternal wisdom into our conversation when it could apply,  for the most part, I just bit my tongue and listened.  

How do we teach this younger generation this truth so they can heal?  I am still trying to figure that out. 

In the Vasistha the story of a noble, kind and virtuous  emperor by the name of King Janak is told. Inspired by sages meditating in his gardens King Janak turned away from his wealth and all the trappings of the outer world to meditate and through that he found his freedom and great wisdom. 

The unrealities of me and you have dropped away, and I will never permit them to return.  Victory is mine over the mighty adversary of mind, who despoiled me of Atmic wisdom[ awareness of the true Self], and pain has ceased its affliction.  I have attained a life of sustained peace.  Great wisdom has rolled back the ponderous door to freedom.

Can we teach our youth, heck...can we teach ourselves to go about or daily lives, our duties without longing for more, without being caught up in  the  past and future so they are fully embraced in the what is of now, so they are serene and peaceful regardless of what is happening in their lives?  Wouldn't that be wonderful? 

We just need to find a way through that resistance, that is apparent in so many of us, to a better and easier way of being. 

As the warm sun in the sky, without volition[ will, effort or striving? ] or desire, causes the growth of seeds in the ground, so King Janak performed the duties, which arise daily without exaltation or longing.  Giving heed neither to the past nor the future, productive as such cognition is of discontent, King Janak met them serenely, with an undivided heart and  mind.

All is well. 

Yoga Vasistha as translated by Rishi Sing Gherwal (2021) Kindle

Are They Really That Important?

 It is not possible for you to experience the complete emergence of your soul when you are clouded over by artificial needs. When that happens all you can see are artificial needs, and you see them as being ever so important, ever so significant, but are they really? 

Gary Zukav, 207

Are they really?

Is the need for you to get ahead, to have that person treat you in the way they should treat you, to get promoted at work, to buy that house, to own that car, to have that amount of money in your account, to get published, to be noticed, to be thought of by others as "successful" etc etc etc...really that important? Is it possible that your striving to have these needs met, your trying to gain power outside yourself,  is getting you in trouble...at least at the soul level? 

Sure, the mind is telling you that they are oh so important and that if you do not get  those needs that create external power  met you will be a failure.... but Michael Singer reminds us, in the video attachment below, that our mind is just a guest in our Life.  We do not have to listen to it. The mind is the thing telling us we have to exhaust ourselves spinning around on some hamster wheel in search of what we believe these artificial needs will get us...when the spinning doesn't get us anywhere but dizzy. 

Failure and success, according to Gary Zukav, are just concepts we have created as part of our illusion. It is not the way of the universe to look through the eyes of right or wrong, and  failure or success. We are not failures because we have yet to catch up with some external form of power we have been chasing after.  We are merely learners! Sure it is okay to achieve these things like the great promotion, the great income etc.  If Life throws such blessings your way...good for you.  Enjoy it. Rejoice in it. (If it is what you really want and in some way it serves your soul)  Just don't make it your number one priority in life....the thing you are putting all your energy towards because you think it will fulfill you.  

We have needs , yes , but their are needs that are worth pursuing and needs that are not. What we really, really want is to be genuinely peaceful and  happy, right? What you really, really need is to be loved and to love.  You really, really need to cultivate your spirit and align your personality with your soul.  That is what will bring you the peace you hunger for, not going after that Ferrari or that trophy wife.We need to stop wasting our time pursuing things that will not get us closer to that which we really need.

Both Singer and Zukav tell us in one way or another that in order to find that which will truly make living worthwhile, we have to stop listening so much to the mind/personality whose needs are so different than those of the soul/higher self /conscious awareness. We need to first of all be conscious and aware  of  what type of goals we are pursuing: outer world or inner world? Artificial or Authentic? those motivated by the need for external power? Or those motivated by the need for internal power? Ego/personality directed pursuits? or soul directed? If we find ourselves so busy seeking things "out there" that we have forgotten all about the "in here", we then have to ask where pursuing the artificial needs are taking us.  Once we realize how this is impacting our physical life by exhausting us, our emotional life by not fulfilling us and our spiritual life by adding to our karmic debt...then we might decide to get off the darn hamster wheel.  We might decide to  to perceive and pursue differently. 

We already have what we truly need.  The Universe ensures that. We just don't see it when we are running after those outer world things that take us anywhere but closer to soul. We need to make it a point to observe our neediness in action.  Take a detached step back and relax in the face of what the mind is doing  . Witness it as the conscious Self. ( Singer). Singer says to relax into it, Zukav says to detach from it...but the important thing to do is to be aware and  "see" what that mind of yours is doing. Become one step detached from it, and every time you are able to see it you will become more and more detached. (Zukav, pg 208) 

We need to realize that our artificial needs are really not that important.  Our spiritual evolution is.

All is well

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Michael Singer/Sounds True (April 9,2022 ) Michael Singer Podcast: Stages of Evolution: The Continuum of Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W23Qob0d6rA

Gems of Wisdom Picked Up From Others Today

 There is not one act in the Universe that is not compassionate. 

Gary Zukav, page 187

It is an opportunity for us as a species and individuals to choose differently, to choose otherwise, to choose this time to learn love through wisdom, to take the vertical path of clarity, of conscious growth and conscious life. 

Gary Zukav, page 192-193

The more Light, literally, the more en-Lightened that you are, the more you will chose different ways. 

Gary Zukav, page 194

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

What would you like to do with your life if money was no object? 

Alan Watts

In the process of growth the Oak tree is not superior to the acorn. 

Alan Watts

Motivation Core ( April, 2022) Alan Watt's Advice Will Change Your Future. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW6Zxv2ZrTQ

If we practice mindfulness to look deeply into  and cultivate insight into other people's notions and opinions...we would see them as just that ...notions and opinions, having no weight to knock us down.

Thich Nhat Hanh ( paraphrased) 

If we continue to follow the path of compassion, the path of humanity, we will develop confidence in our convictions and will be as stable as mountains against the  opinions of others. 

Thich Nhat Hanh ( paraphrased)

Plum Village (January 2015) How to Stop Looking For Other People's Approval/Thich Nhat Hanh Answers Questions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqmY3bnyOXM

Presence will use you as a tool and something will flow through you into this dimension- a peaceful tool of transformation. 

Eckhart Tolle 

Eckhart Tolle (April 26, 2022) How to Tap into Creativity and Get Inspired . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfg_-d-S5Vo

An Inspiration to Heal

 Seeking out, facing with courage, and bringing into the Light of consciousness that which is unconsciousness, and, therefore in a position of power over the personality, is what heals. 

Gary Zukav, page 186 

Blocked by the Unseen

Yesterday, we talked about our tendency to be mental hoarders. (Well "we" didn't speak about it...I rambled on about it lol.  Sometimes, in this new teaching platform I have adopted here for the sheer purpose of learning,  I feel like I am back in the classroom opening up a lecture.  Forgive me when some of that old habit energy resurfaces. ) Let me begin again...I, with this clump of flesh and overactive mind I call "Me", addressed the issue of how we often stuff  the emotional energy of events  inside us and how that energy can get covered up by the messy piles of the mind to the point we forget it is still there. So even when we turn around to face the mess in our minds we may not  see that there is a hidden issue  jamming up the flow of precious Life energy to us and through us, making us unwell in more ways than one. Because this hidden thing is unconscious, it has power over us.  We really need to draw it out into the Light so we can heal from it.

I have been feeling blocked lately, blocked in my writing, blocked in my ability to feel the degree of peace I long to feel in my present life circumstances and blocked in my ability to grow and expand beyond them.  The external appearance of my Life right now is just a reflection of this "blocked" feeling. "My life"  doesn't seem to be expanding because I am not.  

A Loosely Buried Trauma

I have been trying over the last few weeks to understand what that blocked energy is and where it is coming from. Today, after praying and asking for help to determine this, I  was  reminded of my health seeking journey. There is so much unprocessed stuff inside, so much pain, so much shame and a sense of being victimized.  I lost so much, suffered so much, all because of a very unfair assumption based on the unconscious needs of others to protect and preserve ego  and  what they thought as theirs. 

Around is Not Through

Though I can truly say that I believe all this happened for a reason , that it was leading me to a higher state of being and that I am so grateful for it...there is still a great deal of trauma to the personality that I have not processed through.  At the time...survival and caring for children who needed me was where my attention had to go.  On top of that there was one crisis after another that took me away.  I had no time to process all the  emotional energy related to this trauma...and yes I am going to call it a trauma.   (The fact that I cannot mention my heart condition now to someone without blushing in shame  or mention the name of certain doctors without cringing  and the fact  that I would rather go without eating than deal with an insurance company again...is an indication of just how much trauma there was). 

So much pain  and I couldn't just let it  flow through me at the time so it got jammed up inside.  I had to push away, stuff down, ignore, deny  and pretend it didn't bother me when it was in some subtle way actually killing me. I found a temporary way around it, I did, so I could find some semblance of peace and I am so grateful for that but for true healing to occur we need to go through suffering not around it. Pushing this aside and stuffing it down so I could get around it did not make it go away.  It is still there.  And as I begin to deal with the present events of my life now in a healthier way by opening the windows and allowing all that energy to just blow through as it comes in...the piles are getting smaller and this issue is coming up to the surface. It is on the top of the pile. I can hear a soft voice within me saying "It is time to deal with me now dear." 

An Inspiration For Healing

I am not saying this is the only reason for my blocks right now but it is the one  at the surface asking to be dealt with. I know what I have to do.  I had the inspiration so clear today.  In order to cope with some of the intensity of this when it first began I wrote a book about it ( well about some of it...I wrote it in the early phases of dealing with this issue).  It poured out of me in a couple of months, so needing to be told was this story...not for anybody else but for me.   It was okay by my standards, not great,  but I sent it out to a few publishers .  Though it didn't get published I got very, very encouraging and  personal notes back to continue trying to get this published.  I was told by publishers it was definitely a story that needed to get published and if they could they would publish it.  Well I was still dealing with this major issue at the time and  other life circumstances came in ...so trying harder to get this book published  got pushed aside.  ( I am not  a fan of the submission process) .

Well today I saw in my mind this book, which originally only covered a small part of the trauma, covering all of it, telling the whole story  and under a new name.  I saw it written much better than I wrote it originally .  Most importantly, I saw me releasing all this blocked energy onto the page as I rewrote it...healing with every word....seeking out, facing with courage and bringing to the Light of consciousness that which was unconscious. 

Maybe the reason why I had such a challenging time writing or rewriting anything else was because this story needed to be told first.  Before I could write  about or heal from other trauma, I had to process through this one.  Maybe...and I don't know...that under this trauma is another calling out for my attention on that pile.  Maybe my healing, my writing will require a top of the pile to the bottom of the pile type of cleansing. One thing at a time. 

I don't know...but it feels like the "right" direction to go in.  We will see.

All is well in my world. 

 It is the health of the soul that is the true purpose of the human experience.  Everything serves that. 

Gary Zukav, page 177

I just noticed that my readership is way down again and for some reason that relieves me. I am not sure why. It just does.  I was made aware of that December entry again where the poem was missing and replaced by another entry about spring. That left me a little unsettled and untrusting which is not a good feeling to hold onto.   So maybe the less readership the better.  More importantly, the smaller readership allows me to get back to who I am really writing for.  My soul.  Hmm!

All is well! 

Time For Some Mental Spring Cleaning

 If it is not happening outside, It isn't going to happen inside.

Michael Singer

Keeping it out 

What Michael Singer is saying in the above quote is that we need to make a commitment with ourselves not to allow events to get stuck inside us like we have a tendency to do. Our insides, he goes on to tell us in the below video attachment, are more than likely a real mess. Like hoarders who desperately need the services of Molly Maid we have collected , stored, stuffed and attempted to hide away all those experiences we didn't want to process through.  We also collected, claimed and clung to all those things (memories of pleasant events we want to relive etc)  that we thought would make our lives better...piling them up in corners until there was barely room to breathe.  Most of us now live in a real dump inside our heads.  

Who Made This Mess? 

It isn't pleasant and it isn't comfortable up there but there is no escaping it...where we go the mess follows. The last thing we want to do is add to that mess or make the discomfort any worse.  So we learn to react to the events taking place around us or seemingly to us.  To get by we look outside the dump we live in for pleasant things to distract us with, adding to the mess.  Then when we see disturbing things we do whatever we can to resist them entering our messy minds ...we push away with the over used defense mechanisms of denial, avoidance, repression and suppression ( just to name a few).  It seems that we are pushing them away to avoid more mess and discomfort  but all we are really doing is pushing them down away from our conscious awareness...we are throwing them into the piles of junk we are accumulating in the deeper recesses of our minds.  We are adding to the mess and the mind is getting more and more cramped and harder to be in. And do you know what we do then?  We blame Life for being so hard, for making such a mess of our minds...we judge and get angry at that person up there for driving too slow ( adding to the mess inside our heads) or that person for not agreeing with the way we do things (knocking over the piles in the corner making an even better mess) . 

Hmmm!  The outside world didn't make the mess and the outside world is not going to clean it up.  There is no Molly Maid in this world that would be willing to get up in that head of yours to clean up the mess you made and continue to make.  The only one responsible for that mess is you and the only one who can clean it up is you.  There is a little voice inside your head, isn't there, if you are truly honest with yourself you will admit that... maybe it sounds a bit like your mother telling you to clean up your room in the past and that voice is telling you to "Pick up the darn broom!  And clean up this mess!" 

If  we want to be able to breathe freely and lightly, if  we  want room to grow and expand, if we want to be comfortable in our own lives , undisturbed by whatever is going on "out there"  we need to take responsibility for the mess we made of our minds , however unintentionally, and clean it up.  

How do we do that? 

Cleaning It Up

Well Michael singer offers a few tips to help us :

• First , he says we need to recognize and take responsibility for the mess we have going on in our minds and the cause of it.  We need to see that what we have been doing: pushing away the unpleasant and clinging to the pleasant is what created the mess in the first place. 
• Then we have to turn around and face that mess.  When we do that we will see that what we thought we pushed away is piled up all over the place inside us. It didn't go anywhere. 
• Before we can start cleaning up the old stored stuff, however, we need to stop storing up more stuff.  We get rid of our hoarding tendencies by learning to deal with life events more effectively. We start, not with the big events or the ones that have been stuffed inside us for eons but with the smaller events that are occurring around us now.  We start with the  person driving too slow in front of us, the person at work who  doesn't agree with our ideas, the toe we  just stubbed. We watch how we  tend to react and decide to react differently.  
• Take control of our minds...instead of using up energy to turn this into a negative story, another pile to add to our overcrowded minds... we can re-frame the way we  look at it in a positive and constructive way. 

• Take a step away from the event ( even if it is just a mental one) , take a deep breath and observe and then we can begin again to handle it differently.
• Once an event is done and gone ...we do not want any remnants of it in our heads. What we  really want to do, is not push away life circumstance,  but just let it flow right through...open up to it.  Open up our front doors and a couple of windows...allow that event to blow right through and be gone.  And that is what it wants to do...the vibrational and emotional energy attached to an event  is just meant to blow through us. We open up to it through relaxation and breath awareness.  We do not cling to it through grasping or aversion. 
• Notice when we  get disturbed. Relax and let go back into the place that is noticing.  Ironically, that place that is noticing is as clean and tidy as can be...in fact it is empty and spacious. 
• What happens when we begin to respond rather than react to less than favorable circumstances is allow for the mess  inside to clean itself.  All the stored stuff will eventually make itself known before it too makes its way through the windows like a breeze in May and is gone.  

I don't know about you but it is time for me to do some spring cleaning.  

All is well. 

Michael Singer Podcast/ Sounds True ( April 23, 2022) Taking Care of Your Inner Environment . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teP3TS9fHNk

Words of Wisdom from Chapter 11

 The following are a collection of thoughts from Chapter 11, Relationships, I would like to share: 

Without commitment,you can not learn to see others as your soul sees them: as beautiful and powerful spirits of Light. page 147

Our present world is built on the energy of fear and doubt, (" fear of the physical environment and doubt that we fit naturally into it."), absence f faith in an afterlife, belief "that in this lifetime the only thing that insures power is what can be had and gained." , and a lack of humility and reverence for Life. Paraphrased from pages 148-149.

Your decision to evolve consciously through responsible choice contributes not only to your own evolution, but also to the evolution of all those aspects of humanity in which you participate. page 150

If you wish the world to become loving and compassionate , become loving and compassionate yourself .  If you wish to diminish fear in the world, diminish your own.  These are the gifts that you can give. page 150

The fear that exists between nations is a macrocosm of the fear that exists between individuals. page 150

What is in one is in the whole, and therefore, ultimately, each soul is responsible for the whole world. page 151

...the partnership that you both want requires two healthy and inwardly secure individuals. page 152

The true human condition in its perfect form has no secrets.  It does not hide, but exists in clear love.  page 152 

Even into the toughest moments of your work on feelings of insecurity you can be light and remind yourself that you are spirits who have taken on the physical experience and have far greater power than you are showing in that moment of weakness. page 153

You are related to every form of Life upon this planet and beyond. As your soul evolves, you move into greater awareness of the nature of that relationship, and the responsibilities that you assume.  page 154

The personality must also come to agree with what the soul has chosen. page 154

Authentic power is not gained by making choices that do not stretch you. page 157

The extent to which your light shines is the width and depth and breadth of your karmic influence.page 155

If he or she is able to transcend fear, to act out of courage, the whole of its group will benefit and each one, in his or her own life, will be suddenly more courageous, though they may not see how or why. page 158

The soul that was Hitler had great potential as well.  page 160

Every soul that agrees consciously to bring to a level of human interaction the love and compassion and wisdom that it acquired is trying through his or her own energy to challenge the fear pattern of the collective page 160

...as the quality of your consciousness reflects the clarity, humbleness, forgiveness, and love of authentic power, it touches more and more around you. page 161

I encourage to sit with those for a while. 

All is well. 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Not Complaining!

 The truly patient man[person] neither complains of his hard luck or desires to be pitied by others. He speaks of his sufferings in a natural, true and sincere way without murmuring, complaining or exaggerating them. 

St. Francis de Sales

Not Complaining

Before I begin today's thought, I want to say that by no means am I  regretting my experience as of late though it may certainly seem that I am complaining. Though I am far from there yet, my goal is to be truly patient.  It may have seemed like I was complaining yesterday, for example,  when I was saying how I had too many other things to "do" to allow for  a poem that wanted to come up.  It may have seemed that I was reactive, resentful and frustrated because others and life circumstance wouldn't let me write  but that is not what I meant.  Though it is a bit uncomfortable to not have the flow come out when it wants to...I made the choice to do other things. I absolutely love spending time with my grandchildren.   Every moment I have with them is just a joy....even if there is some notion of "doing" and "effort that comes with it, and even if I have to put aside my writing.   

Love the choices I make

I also love teaching yoga even when preparing for a class requires effort and it can get frustrating when the effort goes unrewarded by people not showing up. Has nothing to do with the income. I have no delusions about making a living teaching yoga, just as I don't have such a fantasy about making a living writing.  Not why I teach. I do not teach for money...it seems almost counter intuitive to  Don't get me wrong, I have a charge for each class...punch card system. ...but I probably offer more "free" classes than I do paid classes. I see yoga, like my writing here, as a gift I am meant to share. I will accept and appreciate  payment but I don't do either for payment. Anyway,  I spent a good portion of my morning before my grandchildren and student arrived cleaning and preparing my studio...which had to be done anyway...which is a positive thing.  Extra planning and effort was required in my goal of being able to teach a potentially larger class while my grand children were here. As it happened only one student showed and God Bless her...It ended up that my grandchildren would not go down for the naps I was so sure they would at that time...so I couldn't teach anyway.  She had an independent study day which she didn't seem to mind.  I did my practice later when my grand-kids were back with their parents. 

All about the Learning

And it may seem like I am complaining when I speak so often of this restlessness, worry and doubt I have been experiencing lately. It is not my intention to complain...only to understand where it is coming from and what it has to teach  me.  I know it is very significant and has some hidden gem of wisdom in it. I share my process of attempting to understand it because I see how valuable these things are to universal life learning. I am by no means saying that the restlessness, worry and doubt is "wrong" , "bad" or "shouldn't be".  I am actually grateful for it. Sure they are hindrances to enlightenment...but only if we remain unaware of them.  I am grateful because I am aware of them...they have become valuable learning directives that I want to explore.  The more I look into this experience, write about it, the more I can feel the tangle and knot they have created in my body and mind unraveling slowly, bit by bit.  I think that is amazing.

Anyway...it turned out to be a lovely day...and though it is not about the "doing" I got a lot "done"...without striving to. And it was fun.My grand daughter was fascinated with pine cones and spent hours collecting them from beneath the big trees in my yard and putting them in a bucket.  It was a joy to watch her experiencing so much joy over the simplest of things (Later that evening,  I was reminded of the significance of the pine cone...which I will speak about at another time). The house got semi-cleaned , at least. Meals were made and enjoyed. I finally got a shot of my three grandchildren together for my wall. And...I did meditate, and write even if I didn't do as much as I wanted to.  So I am happy!  

Not complaining! Just sharing. 

All is well. 

Awareness of Knots

As you bring to light, heal and release the deepest currents of negativity within you, you allow the energy of your soul to move directly into, and to shape, the experiences and events of physical reality, and thereby to accomplish unimpeded its tasks upon the Earth.  

Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul, page 146 

My tasks seem to be impeded .  This knot of restlessness and worry which covers the knot of doubt is in me for a reason.  I am tangled up in some emotion that got trapped in ego's web. I haven't processed the last few months and the events that were in them, the changes that have taken place. That is truly impinging on my writing.  It needs to be brought to light, healed and released.  I feel a poem coming up, I do.  That always helps me to untangle  such knots. It wants to come up...but as been the way lately...I have other things to "do" besides write.  My grand children are coming...I need to clean up and make the house safe for them.  I also have a yoga class at 130 and need to clean and rearrange my studio.  Sigh. The poem will have to wait.  I do hope I am not ticking off my muse. Will she wait patiently for me to return to her? I hope so.

All is well. 

Explaining the Meaning of a Poetic Passage

 O quiescent mind, twin of Prana, your cooling dew will chill the hot flowers of desire, and over all the universe shall be sweet peace. But should the mind become heated with the illusion of the world, then the hot breath of desire will sweep over the universe, like a great raging forest fire, leaving but ashes in its wake.

The Yoga Vasistha, location 927

Say What Crazy Lady? 

This text is full of eloquent poetry.  It really is.  As I read,  I stop at the passages of poetic imagery, and inhale it in as if it were a bouquet of fresh flowers showing up in the middle of barren landscape. ( That barren landscape being my transforming mind). I am so hungry, so thirsty for such beautiful expressions of truth. 

But as I read it out loud to others, they look at me and say, "Huh?  What the Fork are you talking about? " 

My ego wants to chirp in then, to go on and on with some intellectual explanation about what it means, with  some subconscious intention  to make "me" sound smarter and wiser than I am. Truth is,  as I read it, I don't "know", at first,  in a conceptual way what it means. I feel it and understand it at some deep level ...that is why I am pulled in to such passages ...just like we are when we read  great poetry.  It is like the heart says, "Stop!  Read this!  This is beautiful and wise!" And the mind, not liking the idea of being over shadowed by the heart, says "Okay let me explain it!"  But really...can we or "should" we explain it?

I had a minor in English Lit and I have written hundreds of  poetry analysis' in my university days, I am sure. I love poetry and certain poems just take my breath away but something always seemed to get lost when I had to explain them. To me poetry is simply soul to soul communication....not mind to mind. How can we use the mind to explain the soul?

Still I am going to do my best to explain this with "my" mind and with the diminishing tool of words.  

O quiescent mind

Speaking directly to the quiet, still peaceful mind.  "Quiescent" is the natural state of the mind before ego comes in and takes over making a mess of it with all its illusions. Most of the time, for most of us, because of ego,  the mind is chattering like a monkey. To return it to its natural state, to have it at the point where it is clear, calm and still requires  concentrated effort and skill, derived from committed practice.

twin of Prana,

This developed mind is so much like Prana...the vital Life force.  It has the potential to do great good. Ironically, this mind is often trained to return to peace through observing Prana ( breath). 

your cooling dew will chill the hot flowers of desire

Within us are the seeds for both the wholesome and unwholesome manifestation of thought, words and actions. When seeds from store conscious are allowed to grow  into our conscious minds and our lives, we can call them flowers. There  are seeds/potential flowers that are wholesome and seeds/potential  that are unwholesome.  Desire is considered to be unwholesome and has a negative Karmic effect on our lives if we allow it to grow randomly in our conscious minds and in our daily lives.It is the number one hindrance to achieving the quiescent mind....to maintaining a life of peace.   The flowers of desire, though seemingly beautiful and tempting,  are "hot" ...have the potential to cause great discomfort and unease.  They are flammable.  The developed  mind, however,  offers cooling dew to refresh and reduce the heat of desire...to  keep it contained.  

and over all the universe will be sweet peace.

Without desire (grasping, seeking, striving, clinging...the need for ego gratification)  , there is peace. Peace in the world begins with peace in the individual mind. 

But should the mind become heated with the illusion of the world

But if we allow ego to keep calling the shots...if we begin to believe what ego tells us...that the horizontal plane is all there is, that there is nothing beyond the body, personality and mind...that unless we can experience something with our five senses it isn't real...that we must search "out there" for our happiness: that we must seek, strive, cling and grasp for worldly things that are pleasant  and push away, avoid and run from things that are unpleasant...the mind, like an overworked machine that is working over time trying to meet our needs, can get overheated. 

then the hot breath of desire will sweep over the universe

The overactive, over heated, desiring mind does not offer cooling dew like the quiet, still mind does...it offers a hot fiery breath like a dragon's  that sweeps outward over the entire universe. ( the ripples of Karma)

like a great raging forest fire

And this takes over like a forest fire...burning and destroying.  Desire is so destructive as evident by what it leads to in this world: greed, unfair distribution of wealth, separation, crime, unwholesome relating, violence, war, the destruction and exploitation of Mother Earth. 

leaving but ashes in its wake. 

In our attempt to gain all with desire, we lose all.  In our attempts to grasp and cling, we are left holding nothing. Desire is an energy that does not bring us what we really, really want even though we are told that is its purpose. 

But that is just how I see this passage .  It held so much more beauty and meaning in it before I tried to explain it.

All is well. 

The Yoga Vasistha as translated by Rishi Singh Gherwal (2021) Kindle Edition 

A Sign

If your daily life seems poor, don't blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for the Creator, there is no poverty.

Rainer Maria Rilke

As you know  I have been asking for a sign. I have been  writing and oh so openly  addressing this restlessness and worry I have been carrying around with me for weeks now regarding my writing conundrum.  I told myself if I got a publication, it  would be a sign...a published poem, an even greater sign....a sign that yeah I should be writing.  So I sent out a few things a couple of weeks ago with little expectation or attachment to outcome. I prayed for support and  guidance.  Not so much because  I wanted a publication to appease my ego that is so all about puffing itself up and being seen as productive in society's eyes, but because I wanted to know if I was on the right path to fulfilling my purpose here at the deepest level. I want to do what soul wants, not what ego wants.  Does soul want me to write?  I think it does...I really do because it seems that it just comes out of me, especially the poetry.  There is something very special about writing poetry that goes beyond understanding. It is not something I do.  It is something that happens through me.  And I am not saying my poetry is good by any means nor is it bad...it just is what it is. 

Anyway...I got a publication in a lovely journal beside many wonderful poets.  Just to be on the same page as them fills me with pride. Oh Oh...is that an ego puffing up? lol . 

I got a sign, just soul saying, "I was trying to tell you that you were supposed to write but you wouldn't listen! Listen!" 

Anyway...I don't want ego to get in the way here. A poetry publication does not change the motivation by which I write.  I have to watch that old ego of mine...it can get as puffed up as a peacock. I don't want it to get ahead of itself.  

 I am grateful, very grateful to the publication and to anyone who reads what I write. 

Please read the amazing poets on this page.

http://www.soul-lit.com/

All is well.

No Cows

 As you follow your feelings, you become aware of the different parts of yourself, and the different things that they want.  You cannot have all of them at once because many of them conflict. When you satisfy one part of yourself, the needs of another go unsatisfied. ..When you enter these dynamics consciously, you create for yourself the ability to chose consciously among the forces within you, to chose where and how you will focus your energy.

  Gary Zukav

Less than 

I have been struggling a bit lately with a less than adequate income.  Well let me rephrase that...the less than adequate income is not the problem, what my mind does with it, is. When I am made aware of this horizontal world reality,  the inner restlessness and worry I have been carrying around with me over the last few weeks gets poked and aggravated. Most of that restlessness is due to some struggle I have with the different motivations I have for writing.  The Deeper Part of me wants me to write for the sheer joy of writing, to write for Soul.  It wants me to put aside any unskillful  "ideas" I have about the outer world fulfilling me with some type of reward.  It seeks intrinsic and higher level reinforcement. It is very pure and unconcerned with how I am going to pay the property tax in a few weeks. 

But, unfortunately,  that is not the only part of me. 

The ego in me, on the other hand, is very concerned about what I owe. It, being the way it is, wants safety, security and some type of control.  It  also  wants to be inflated by whatever I do, including writing.  It wants recognition and payment as a reward for my time and effort. This part of my personality is beginning to openly express its unhappiness over my choosing to write for purely intrinsic reasons, thus the worry, restlessness, frustration and physical symptoms I have been getting, thus the push and pressure to become known as a writer. It tells me to try harder  to be heard, to publish, to sell what I do. ...so that it doesn't have to worry about getting by, and also so  ego can get all puffed up and dressed up in the costume of a "successful writer".

This blocks my writing instead of helping it.  My writing comes from the deeper part of me, where motivation is anything but "earning"  centered. It is like a natural and beautiful flow of water.  This flow gets blocked by this self induced  pressure to publish and get paid for what I do.

Conflicting Parts: Horizontal or Vertical Direction

So the internal restlessness I have been experiencing has to do with conflicting parts of my personality: The part of me that really, really wants to awaken and be free of all this entanglement on the horizontal plane  and the part of me that doesn't want to leave the horizontal plane. This part of me that does not want to go deeper is still trying to convince me that I need to worry about the money.  I need to eat and keep my house!  I need to make more money  first. Then and only then...it says... happiness and fulfillment can be found on the superficial level of physicality.  It tells me if I work harder to get known as a writer than all my needs will be met and then some. When I work hard, however,  and there is no rewards to be seen...when I am shown, again and again,  how I am still operating under the poverty line...I feel that restlessness taking over. I know then that I am "reacting" to life circumstance in a less than healthy way and am adding to my Karmic debt.  This just makes the restlessness and worry increase.  It is a big, ugly  cycle. 

I don't know how to break the cycle because I do not know how to stop worrying about surviving .  There is no doubt about it I am heading in the vertical direction whether ego likes it or not.  I made up my mind. I want my writing motivation to be pure and intrinsic. That doesn't mean I won't still submit and accept publication and payment should it come my way ( I will obviously rejoice in it) ...but publication and payment cannot be why I write! So how then can I find peace with that?  How can I find peace with the idea that I may never be rewarded externally for what I choose to do; may never be free of this debt and may never have that financial security I once took for granted? 

Have You Seen My Cows?

As soon as I ask myself that question I am reminded of the Buddhist parable about the cows. One day when the Buddha was sitting in a field with his disciples, all of whom  had renounced all their earthly possessions and had taken vows to be poor, a frantic farmer ran past them.  Huffing and puffing, visibly very distressed, the farmer asked, "Have you seen my cows?  They ran off and I have already lost so much from my once very profitable farm.  I will be completely lost without these cows." The Buddha responded that they did not see his cows but pointed in a direction the farmer could look.  With that, the farmer , weeping and worried , ran off in that direction looking for his cows.  The Buddha then turned to his disciples and said , "Aren't you glad you have no cows?"

When we are operating on the horizontal plane, we are very attached to things like cows, to those things we assume are responsible for keeping our pain  at bay or for ensuring our pleasure, well at least our comfort.  The farmer was very attached to his cows. With them he felt a sense of safety and security. Without them he felt he would be lost.  Depending on these cows for his happiness and security meant he always had to be on guard, watching over them  and running after them when they ran off.  This created great stress in his life.  The monks on the other hand had nothing to lose.  They had no cows, they had no attachments or things to run after.  Their happiness, their peace of mind was not dependent on the unpredictable comings and goings of worldly things. 

 I still have a few cows in my pasture that I feel are running off but many more have already run off. With each cow ( worldly thing)  I lose, the lighter I become, the less I have to lose.  I can be grateful with the little I have ( which I know is more than many have) becasue it means the less I have to run after and worry about. I am so afraid of losing these few cows I have left but maybe I could be, like the monks, and renounce them too .  I mean I could emotionally renounce what I have left by simply letting go of my need to cling to it.

Replacing Skeptical Doubt with Trust

The hindrance to awakening that comes after restlessness and worry  is skeptical doubt.  If I could renounce my need to run after my writing and replace the doubt that I will not survive without my proverbial cows, with trust than I will not have restlessness or worry.   There will be nothing to be in conflict over. 

Sure, for now I still have a part of me that is chasing cows. I just have to remind myself that I can choose differently.  I do not need to cling or chase after anything. I don't need cows. The Universe will support me. Will the universe support me? Zukav tells us that if only 10 percent of our  personality  is heading down this vertical path, we will have full Universal support.  Once fully committed to that path it won't matter if we have cows or not. 

Well I think that is something to think about...don't you?

All is well.

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

 

Choosing Not to Resist the Light

 Only through responsible choice can you choose consciously to cultivate and nourish the needs of your soul, and to challenge and release the wants of your personality. ...It is the choice to follow the voice of your higher Self, your soul.

Gary Zukav, page 123

Hmmm!  I am still having these bouts of relentlessness and worry...still not completely aware of their roots...just feel them in my core, which happens to be the power chakra.  The location of this feeling in my body tells me I am feeling a loss of control of something.  On top of this restlessness and worry, I also feel a certain amount of frustration and dissatisfaction with what is...all this when I am reading about power when it comes to choice....each human being struggles so deeply with power: the lack of it, the acquisition of it, what it is really, how one should have it.  Underlying every crisis, emotional, spiritual, physical, and psychological is the issue of power. 

I am struggling with power, I guess.  Struggling with the power needed to carve out time in my day to do that which I am intending will bring me closer to my higher Self. I know that  when we are making the vertical path ( spiritual awakening) our chosen direction  we are heading toward empowerment.  Each and every step we take toward stillness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, non judgement, peace, and Universal Love...what the Soul wants...we are empowering ourselves.  Every time we give into worldly pursuits and the wants of the personality we are dis-empowering self. I want to nourish and cultivate the needs of the soul, yet, I am still so tangled up in the world.  I am constantly being pulled , it seems, in the most innocent of ways away from my "planned  practice" each day and into worldly things.  For example, I find myself worried about money, serving society, being productive and doing enough. Part of me is  not satisfied with just being. Instead of solitude, another example, I am now surrounded by beings who seem to need me...and I love these beings and want to spend time with them and nurture them...but their needs and desires are  taking me from my daily practice. Lately, I find myself reacting to the interruptions with frustration and maybe even resentment. I still do what I set out to do but it isn't in a flow...and I sit to write much later in the day than I used to.  For some reason when I sit to write after noon...when I look at the clock and see how my morning has gone...that is when the restlessness and worry starts, the frustration, and whatever else I may be feeling. That obviously is a personality thing.  (Soul does not wear a watch)  I am obviously still attached to this world and all the things it claims is important.  Though a very big part of me wants to go vertical, another part of me is resisting going deeper and wants to find some form of safety and contentment on the horizontal plane. 

This awareness that I am restless, worried, frustrated and possibly resentful  is a very positive thing.  It is showing me that I am still tempted by the world.  I am still being pulled in but I have a choice.  We always have a choice...to follow the wants of the personality or the needs of the Soul. It is that dynamic through which each soul  is graciously offered the opportunity to challenge those parts of itself that resist Light. 

I have been resisting Light. I am going to ask for help not to do that anymore.

It is all good.

All is well in my world.