Changing the Pathological Doer

A Self that goes on changing is a Self that goes on living.
Virginia Woolf

Choosing to Live.

Hmm!  How are those for mighty powerful words coming  from a feminist writer of the early 20th century?

Let's consider the fact that deep in the despair of her overwhelming depression, Woolf decided to stop living in 1941. After her English home was bombed in the Blitz she put stones in her trench coat pocket and walked out into a stream where she was carried away forever.   (Depression, BTW, is a terrible and potentially fatal disease and we, as a society need to remove the stigma attached to it, in order to save lives...including the brilliant minds of people like Virginia Woolf.  Anyway...that is a topic for another time!!!)

I seek a Self that goes on living! I see that a change in me is required so I can do that both in the physical sense and in the metaphysical sense.

Pathological Doing

I am like many of you, a pathological doer.  I equate my value on what I do and what I accomplish.  In order to feel worthy, I do.  I am resistant to simply being because I have this unfounded idea that my being is not enough.

Ego plays so many tricks with our minds, doesn't it? 

We were born into these bodies as perfect, complete human beings but ego tells us through the voices of others that still echo  in our psyches, through our ingrained beliefs, through circumstances, loss and our own apparent failures that we are not enough!  In order to be enough we must do, accomplish, compete, conquer, succeed, achieve,  win, own, cling, defend and attack. And while we do, we lose touch with what it  is to simply be.  We lose touch with who we really are. We lose sense of our inherent value. 

So to compensate...we keep doing more and the more we do the farther we get from who we are.  It becomes a vicious cycle that makes us sick. 

This type of doing  is pathological and of all the diseases I may or may not have....I can definitely diagnose myself with "pathological doing." In this sickness...I am not really living in the true sense of the word because I am not aware of my being.  I am not appreciating life as it flows around me and through me...enough.

I want to live. In order to have a Self that goes on living...I need to change.

I am trying...as many of you who are waking up too...are trying.  I have come far in making change but in my newfound awareness and ability to observe  myself ...I see I have a ways to go.

I see how I am at work...how I am in the kayak or other athletic pursuits...how I am in my writing ( I am so compelled to write two articles a week, to finish the many  novels and books I have started, to complete my writing tasks).  I can also observe how I feel when I can not get things done...such shame and guilt and fear. When I do not do enough , my ego tells me I am not enough.  How sick is that?

Are you listening to ego?

What is truly sick about all this ..is that I listen to ego.  Here I am waking up to my true Self...seeing and understanding who I really am...growing and expanding into something so much more than my ego bound self...yet I still listen to ego. 

The universe supports my growth.  It wants me to just be. It puts down these wonderful blessings and learning opportunities in front of me: my diminished physicality, a partner who is a perfect example of beingness,  tremendous learning in mentors, teachers, books , this drive to write about "being", and a physical inability to "do' as much as I used to in my work or other pursuits. Through these things, it is showing me that it is perfectly okay to just be. It wants me to just be. 

And I still resist.

  I still push past the  symptoms and yes I go past the four on the scale  even though I know better.  Regardless of how my body or the precious moment I am in protests,  I still feel the need to do  for fear that being is not enough. I want to stop resisting.

So how do we change so the Self can go on living?  How do we get past this pathological need to do in a society that supports and rewards ego's mandate?

Steps to Change: Being over Doing

1. First, we must be aware of our propensity to do.  Review your day, review your life and observe this doing tendency.  Of course, doing is a necessary component of life on this planet  but is your doing pathological?  Are you doing for the sake of compensating for a sense of unworthiness?  How do you feel when you do not do?   Admitting to a problem is always the  first step to change.
2. Secondly, we must be willing to change. We must want more than the  ego offers.  We must want truth more than illusion; peace more that ego reward.  Are you willing to change?
3. Be aware of ego's presence in your life.  Simply observe ego at work.  When you feel the drive to do...know it is ego.  If you have moments where you are feeling anything but peaceful or joyful, know it is ego.  When you are feeling shame, fear or worry...ego! Once you recognize ego's voice it will be easier to ignore what it has to say.
4. Next, we need to make a conscious commitment to spend more time being.  Make it a part of your daily plan to sit quietly, alone, in stillness for so many minutes a day. 
5. Look at it as Practice!   Remember beingness  is something you practice.  The more committed and disciplined you are, the more you will get from it. Be patient with yourself and with the process.
6. Meditate.  Start out slow as you incorporate beingness into your life.  Meditation requires practice to perfect. I meditate twice a day for 20 minutes each time.  This has become a part of my daily routine.  I started out with just a few minutes once a day and worked my way up.  My meditation practice is far from perfect but it is getting better. You will have to determine what works best for you. You can use a guided meditation or simply sit in stillness and quiet.  Again ...whatever works for you.
7. Practice Mindfulness throughout your day.  Just be more aware and more conscious of the inner self as you "do' throughout the remainder of your day.  With every activity you take on ...watch yourself doing it, slow down, and breathe.  Feel it and everything that is going on around you as you do.
8. Slow down! Remind yourself that life is not a race.  One of the reasons we do so intensely is that we fear time will run out.  In our hurry to get things done we lose touch with what is really important.  Slow down and enjoy the ride.
9. Get help and support!  Turn to the people around you and ask for their support.  Get them to be observing eyes on the look out for your ego activation.  Ask them to tell you if they notice that you are doing too much, or doing too intensely.  You may also need  the help of a professional if your doing has gotten completely out of control.
10. Seek the truth that lies within.  What you are really looking for...the only thing that will truly make you value being over doing....lies in the remembering of who you really are.  The only way you will remember is if you slow down long enough to go inward where the true Self resides.  Seek that truth and you can not help but be.

All is well in my world.

Measuring a Day by Being rather than Doing

If you are what you do, when you don't...you aren't.
Wayne Dyer

I just wrote an entry and I think it turned out to be an article...so I saved it instead of publishing it here until I decide what I am going to do with it.  

In that article I talk about the importance of measuring our day by being rather than doing.  So many of us, however, are so inclined (me included) to measure our days by what we accomplished.  If, at the end of our waking hours,  we have a check mark beside everything on our to do list we determine that we have had a great day.  If we get most of it done and some of it done well...that's a good day.  If we get little done and/or what we got done was not done well...well that's a bad day. Hmmm!

We are so inclined to do and we forget somehow about the  importance of being.  Doing in today's busy world seems to be everything. It is an addiction almost. 

I have been blessed with this amazing learning opportunity.  I have a body that wants me to rest and to simply be  for a while.  I see the spiritual significance in that.  It leads me further on my journey to the truth I seek.  I have come so far!!!!  Yet,  I am still inclined to do.

 My physical symptoms make doing so challenging...The physicality of my life experience right now is  like a doorway opening to my being ( which I am consciously seeking)  rather than my doing but I turn my back on it.   Despite how far I have come, I still turn my back on it.

My mind, my ego tell me if I want to have a good day, a great life and be the best I can be, I must do...so I do. I push myself to get those things done on my list. I must push harder, faster and with greater difficulty to prove my value.  It doesn't matter how I feel when I  am doing the activity or task I set out to do.  It doesn't matte if I am enjoying it  or if I am enjoying the world around me.  Heck sometimes I am not sure if I am even noticing the world around me when I am so focused on my doing.

This drive to do pulls me forward.  Or is it backwards? I am quite sure it is backwards:).  This ego drive to do that I have yet to master pulls me away from the goals of enlightenment ( or something like it)that I seek.

At  the end of the day when I am reflecting on  the hours I spent,  I still find myself thinking "Oh this was a good day because I got this and that done." or "This day sucked because I never got anything done.  I never did anything." I want to get to the end of my waking hours and say..." This was a great day simply because I was loving, kind, peaceful, joyful, supportive, mindful, still and very appreciative of everything that showed up in it."

I have a ways to go.

An Example:

D.  purchased Kayaks for us.  They were not bought to increase physical fitness or to encourage rugged outdoor pursuits...they were bought as tools that would allow peaceful, tranquil moments on the water, surrounded by nature.  They were bought to help us relax and enjoy life.

Well, I get in mine...and the next thing I know, I am paddling and I am paddling hard.  I get so consumed by the act of paddling, the athletic pursuit of it and getting from one place to the other at a certain clip  that I miss out on the scenery around me...not only that I drive myself within a 5-10 minute span into full fledge symptoms. Chest pain and all.

D. on the other hand, being the person he is, just glides slowly along the water . He takes a few easy strokes...than allows the water to take him...a few more strokes and farther he goes. It is a very graceful, purposeful but leisurely movement. So different than mine.  He relaxes and takes in everything (between the moments he is warning me to slow down before I end up in trouble...that is).  He enjoys it more, exerts himself less and has a better being experience than me, the pathological doer, does. 

There is so much to learn from simply watching this man's approach to kayaking and to life. 

If I keep going the way I am going in the kayak I won't be able to continue or something worse will happen.  I know that.  I am shown over and over again...the beauty of simply being.  I can find a certain being in the this new adventure without  overexerting myself or causing symptoms. If I paddle easy and then let the boat and the water carry me I will be taken to  a wonderful place of beingness.

The opportunity to just be has been  laid out in front of me like a red carpet for years now.  All I have to do is step on it, embrace it, live accordingly.  If I did I would crawl into bed at night knowing I had the day I wanted to have...one full of peaceful, joyful, grateful and loving being.

I still  have to learn welcome the wonderful grace and wisdom my physical symptoms are offering me. I have to stop resisting them through my pathological need to do.

Most importantly, I have to say goodbye to the criteria for determining a good day through doing and know a day's value by the being that takes place in it. I will get there!

All is well in my world!

Allow Things to Pass

All life is a passing show.  If we want to hold it, even for a minute, we feel tension...When we want to keep it, we put up barriers which ultimately cause us pain...If only we learn to enjoy each change, we can recognize the beauty even in aging....when we just allow things to pass, we are free.  Things will just come and go while we retain our peace.
Sri Swami Satchidananda


Imagine the peace that comes with the ability to just allow things to come and go into our lives, to pass by without any need for us to block the passage or to cling.

Imagine looking at change with nothing but a smile of awe on our faces.

 Imagine sitting back and enjoying the show that is played out in front of us and through us instead of getting lost in the need to rewrite or fix the script. 

How much energy we waste trying to hang on to the things that are not ours to hang onto; to control and fix the things that do not need fixing. 

Our resistance is fatiguing and crazy making.  Life is going to happen with or without our approval; with or without our direction.  Isn't it time we just let it?

Learning to let go isn't easy for us who were blessed with so much to let go of??

Isn't it ironic that those of who were randomly placed in geographical and economic situations of blessing are the one that feel they need  "more"...more control, more things, more whatever to make them happy...than those who seem to have less?

The 2017 Happiness report shows that the rate of happiness in the U.S.A. , one of the richest countries in the world, is steadily decreasing. http://worldhappiness.report/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/03/HR17.pdf. 

Other studies are showing  countries who are not so economically well off, like Indonesia (https://www.pressreader.com/indonesia/the-jakarta-post/20170711/281767039260377),  are some of the happiest countries in the world.  Why is that?

There are all kinds of critiques about the studies done over the years  but I believe the key point to be made is that money and material things do not bring happiness. 

What does?

The more in tune we are to our true Self as individuals...the happier the population will be. How do we get there?  Through spiritual practice.

Indonesia is a very spiritually centered country. (http://www.fostertravel.com/bali-indonesia-the-spice-trade-of-the-spirit/)  

The deeper the spirituality, the easier it is to detach from the things of the material world. Maybe the less you have...the easier it is too because there is less to feed the ego.  I don't know.

The point is...in finding our true Self we will find that stable ground on which to plant our feet and it won't matter what country we are in or where it is ranked in any happiness study. 

We will be able to watch the world pass by and enjoy it from a place of peace.

 Letting go of our emotional attachment to the things of the world that do not matter will make it easier to embrace the things that do.

All is well in my world.

In Search of the Purusa

The moment you understand yourself as the true Self, you find such peace and bliss that the impressions of the petty enjoyments you experienced before become as ordinary specks of light in front of the brilliant sun.
Sri Swami Satchidananda in his brilliant translation of the Yoga Sutras

Isn't that beautiful?

This quote reflects the main focus of this blog and the main focus of my life right now: the pursuit of peace and bliss.  I want to wake up to the Purusa, or true Self within so nothing else matters; so that the world around me becomes a playground to enjoy, rather than a piece of  fly paper I find myself stuck to in my reckless pursuits.  I want to detach myself from all that doesn't matter (vairagya) and discover what does.

I want this for my little self and I want this for the world.

(You will have to excuse the lack of appropriate accents in some of the terms I will be using...my computer does not do Sanskrit translation.  :) )

What is the Purusa?

Purusa, according to the definition found in Sri Swami Satchidananda's translation of The Yoga Sutras (2011), is "the divine Self which abides in all beings."  It is often referred to as the true Self, who we really are beneath these bodies and worldly identifications.  The true Self is pure and real...from God.

The Purusa is that which sees all and knows all.  Pure consciousness. Complete awareness.  Source energy. It is the quiet Observer that rests beneath the ego watching without judgment, as we in bodily form and with mental modifications that cloud the peace that is our birthright, stomp around in the  the physical world. It is our most inner Self...it is our most real Self.

The Upanishads of Vedic truth  refer to this true divine Self that was there before we were born into physical form and that which will continue after we die as Brahman. (http://yogananda.com.au/upa/Upanishads01.html

Say what, crazy lady?

We in the western hemisphere may refer to it as the spirit or soul...or the inner self.  Just know the Purusa is who you really are. 

What you are not?

You are not the body that you see when you look in the mirror...the body you work out or adorn so it looks good...the body that you curse for having a few wrinkles or a few "extra" rolls around the waist line....the body you push to exhaustion and illness in your attempt to "get er all done." ...quicker and more efficiently than the others around you.  You are not the body that  is black or yellow, tan or white...tall or short...the body that is ill or hungry...physically fit or too well fed.

You are not the five senses that you seek to overindulge and gratify...they are merely tools to help you interpret the world around you...they do not define you.

You are not your mind and all those thoughts that whirl around it.  You are not the anxieties and worries you have about tomorrow or the resentment and shame you experience over yesterday. 

You are not the circumstances of your life...be they cursed or blessed.

You are not your culture, your language , your gender or your religion.

You are not what you do.  You are not  the professional role you identify yourself with or the little letters you write behind your name.  (and I don't care...how many letters that may be:) or how hard you worked to get them...they are just letters). 

You are not your educational and social achievement or the lack of.

You are not the things you own...the numbers in your bank account, the house you live in  or the car you drive. (If you are so blessed to have these things when so many don't.)

You are not your caste, your class or your social status.

You are not your personality and the reaction you get from others because of it.  You are not what others may believe you to be.

You are not your ego and all it tries to convince you  are.

You are so much more than all that.  You are  the One that observes as the little you experiences these things.


What?

What we tend to worship here in this material world is not who we are.  We are that which quietly exists beneath all this and  allows these things to be experienced.

That which speech does not illumine, but which illumines speech: know that alone to be the Brahman (the Supreme Being), not this which people worship here.

That which cannot be thought by mind, but by which, they say, mind is able to think: know that alone to be the Brahman, not this which people worship here.

That which is not seen by the eye, but by which the eye is able to see: know that alone to be the Brahman, not this which people worship here.

That which none breathes with the breath, but by which breath is in–breathed: know that alone to be the Brahman, not this which people worship here.

(http://www.yoga-age.com/upanishads/kena.html) Yoga Age

So that means we are looking for the Purusa within that makes ...

• what we have to say important
• what we have to do worthwhile for all
• the mind able to think
• the eyes able to see;  ears able to hear;  bodies able to feel
• makes us able to breathe...in fact is the breath we breathe in

And what happens if we should find it?

The world will make sense.  We will know who we are . 

We will be free from the sticky paper that holds us down.  We will see and know what is important and what isn't.; what is real and what isn't; what is temporary and what is permanent.   If it isn't important, real or permanent ( eternal)  we will remove  emotional attachment to it.  We can enjoy these things, play with these things but we do not have to be consumed with a need to attain, collect, cling or fear losing these things. 

We will be at peace no matter what is going on around us.  We will enjoy our lives regardless of what shows up in them. 

We will at the same time give our lives away.  We will joyfully provide loving service and compassion to a world that will wake up as a whole some day. 


Finding the Purusa is the answer to all life's so called problems.


How cool is that?

All is well in my world.

Note:  It gets confusing.

Reading the scriptures...the sutras and the vedas (the Kena Upanishads) can be confusing for someone coming from a totally different background like myself. The interpretation of the Sanskrit words: Atman, Purusa, and even Brahman differ from source to source, changing the whole context and meaning of the wisdom offered.  I lack the know how, cultural understanding, the actual versions in front of me and guidance to take the words in any way other than the way they are offered literally to me after translation.  I think I get the major gist of it and somehow it makes  sense to me "internally" but...I am no expert here.  For the purpose of my writing here, I use a few on line references and am not sure of their value. So please read for yourself or seek the guidance of an expert on these scriptures if you want anything more from them than what my gut is telling me to share with you.  I know nothing.  Okay?

References

Kena-Upanishads. (n.d.) Yoga-age.com.  Retrieved from http://www.yoga-age.com/upanishads/kena.html

Swami Paramananada (n.d.) Kena-Upaishads. Hinduwebsite.com. Retrieved from http://www.hinduwebsite.com/sacredscripts/hinduism/parama/kena.asp

Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications

Mahinda Singh (Dec, 2016) What is the Difference Between Purusha and Brahman? Vedas Explained. Retrieved from http://www.vedasexplained.com/hinduism/what-is-the-difference-between-purusha-and-brahman/

The Best Upanishad Quotes. (n.d.) Paramahansa Yogananda. Retrieved from http://yogananda.com.au/upa/Upanishads01.html

Reach Big!

I know...I should be writing an article lol.  Last week I just revamped a short story and sent it out to...guess where?  The New Yorker.  Now, I read somewhere the statistical probability for someone like me  being published by The New Yorker  is something like 0.00069 %.  So obviously my main goal for sending that out was not publication. 

Though I have revamped my weekly writing and submission goal to make it more realistic...I am honoring it. I did tell you I would write and submit and that is what I did.  It really is not about the publication for me.  Every time I complete something and submit it somewhere...it gets read.  Submission for me is all about taking a step, in this case- a giant leap, towards a dream...Going after my bliss is all about being read, not famous.  :)  So I am going to be read big!  lol

We need to think big, don't we?  We need to reach high and throw our wishes out there as far as we can...don't we? I will submit this story elsewhere...I have a list of more probable and just as wonderful publications.  They too may reject me with a "Hmmmpf...I wasted 30 minutes reading this story...come on woman...did you think we would publish that?" Or someone somewhere may like it and publish it.  Who knows?  We will never know until we try, will we?

So reach big!

Now for my article this week...kind of being pulled toward the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali...so maybe I will go there.  :)  I will start there, at least ...and see where it takes me.  I want to keep this one under 1000 words.  That is my goal!  That is my challenge.

All good!

Dear God,

Please untie the nots.

All the can nots, should nots,

may nots and have nots.

Please erase from my mind

the thoughts that

I am not good enough

-Iyanla Vanzant



Spontaneous Evolution

A miraculous healing awaits this planet once we accept our new responsibility to collectively tend the garden, rather than fight over the turf.
Bruce Lipton


I am reading an amazing book, Spontaneous Evolution, by Bruce Lipton and Steve Bhaerman.  So most of my writing, as of late, might reflect that a bit. :)  Butterflies evolving from caterpillars; fields of flowers emerging from mechanical destruction...and an ordinary stressed out person like myself emerging from a state of doing to a state of being.  :)  Yep...evolution. 

We are all evolving.  It is our next step in the evolution of the human species...to shed our reliance on the ego and  become more cooperatively conscious and aware.  If we do not ...we may not survive the next round.  Stark, I know but also a powerful incentive to do what is best for us anyway. 

If you are like me...caught between a reliance on a scientific mindset and a more spiritual philosophy of life...this book is for you.  It offers a perfectly profound scientific understanding of the mysteries of life we can not explain with our five senses! It explains the different scientific and religious dogmas that have led us into  the first steps of our understanding and it leads us away from them. It explains where we are heading if we do not smarten up but most importantly, it offers so much hope for our healing as individuals, as a species and as a world.

Worth Reading!

All is well in my life.

The Field

...you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2, ESV)

There is a field in the midst of the woods where D. and I walk our dogs. 

It is just an ordinary field used for hay and grazing horses from a nearby stable.  One could walk through it without noticing anything special about it.

Up until last year the four wheelers and dirt bikes ran through it as the riders, constantly in search of some excitement...something more... but never quite fulfilled enough... left big  scars and lifeless chunks in its fragile earth.  This year the owner closed the gates to all but the few hikers that walk there and the horses who are now never hungry.

The field is healing itself.

When I need a quick rejuvenation fix, a reminder about the healing power in all of us, I strap on my Asics, grab the dogs, my man, my camera and head out to that simple, ordinary field.

When I am sad, feeling my life is dreary and colorless I walk along the grassy path as the dogs pant and run beside us.  My world becomes filled with colour once again.

When I need a little laughter or a reminder of the joy that exists in this very moment...I watch with a smile on my face as the dogs run, hop and skip through the tall grass, wagging their tails, absolutely  delighted in just being.

When I, feeling overwhelmed by my attempt to understand the apparent chaos in my own little world,  wonder why nothing seems to make sense...I walk through the disorganized and random  growth of wild flowers and tall grass where everything suddenly does make sense.  I realize with amazement that everything is in perfect order in its own apparent chaos. 

When I know I am moving too fast, doing too much...getting lost in ego's push for more...I stand by the fence where the beautiful horses graze.  I watch as their magnificent heads kiss the earth in reverence and gratitude.  They pull the growth from it gently without struggle because it is given to them gently without struggle. 

These magnificent beasts that can run and move and work like no human can still themselves in reverence for what nature provides...what life entails.  I am filled with peace as I watch them.

(These are not the horses from the field.  They are my sister's horses filling in. lol)

When my body is tired and wanting nothing more than to be understood...I stand or sit amongst the buzzing life I find there, in that little field. I breathe as if for the first time all day.  With my lens as my eye I then capture what I can to remind me just how much life is around me and in me.

When I need to remember what it is all really about...I walk along that trail in the golden light of evening...running my hand through the tall dancing  daisies that reach out their elegant arms to welcome me...and I somehow know.

Life is perfect just the way it is right here and right now.

All is well in my world.

Metamorphosis

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.

proverb?


We can do all things...eventually.  A transformation process, however,  is required. 

Most of us, still  have our egos stuck to us like the fuzzy flesh of the caterpillar.  It may be considered cute by some, ugly by others  but it is not who we are. :)

As a species we are one big tent of creeping, crawling and very hungry little egos eating up everything in our paths.  If we were to go on like caterpillars...we would eat the planet alive, leaving nothing. We would also view the world from a very limited perspective...ground eye view.

In this ego form we can only think of our own needs and our own survival.  In an attempt to get and maintain the limited resources for our own hungry bellies  we compete and fight to get what we need to survive.

 ( I know one doesn't usually think of caterpillars with little machine guns strapped to their backs and little Rambo style bands around their heads but heck...for the purpose of this analogy, I am going to get you to  picture them that way.  They do not call some of the species..."Army worms" for nothing!)

That is the path we are on. 

If we do not wake up to realize who we are beneath these bodies we are in we will consume and destroy everything. 

If we do not seek some quiet branch on which to suspend all  that we thought we were so we can begin the change we will eat ourselves to oblivion. 

If we do not look around and see what is really going on, see that it is not just "all about me"; we will become extinct.

 If we do not cease our consuming, our doing, our taking, our owning, our fighting, our defending for precious moments of stillness ( which equates to about 20-40 days for this analogy :) ) we, as a species, will not make it to the next round.  And we will take a whole lot of other beings down with us when we die off!

We need to change! And soon!

We are not our egos.  We are so much more.  And we will only discover that after we undergo the necessary and sometimes painful process of metamorphosis . We have to be willing to wrap ourselves up away from the world we think is real and wake up to the world and being that truly exists within us
 
When we are simply willing to wake up...God (or however way you describe  that all knowing vital life force within us all) will take over helping us with the process. 

The constant hunger will cease. 
We will finally rest and all the heavy flesh we wore will be shed.

When the process is complete, and it does take time, we will  emerge into the  grand beings we were meant to be...that we were all along beneath our limited version of humanity.

We will be beautiful creatures that can transcend earthly limitation offering beauty and joy to a world that so desperately needs it. 

We will see the whole world clearly and realize just how beautiful and amazing it is.

We will know how we were meant to expand, to soar, to reach the heavens in this lifetime.

We will heal the earth and help to make it grow instead of destroying it.

We will also look at every caterpillar and instead of seeing a competitor for what's left...we will see the butterfly potential within them all. 

We will await the transformation of all, knowing that we will  create one amazing canopy of colour when we migrate together.

We all need to do this!

For the sake of the entire species we all need to make this change....but it begins with one little caterpillar at a time; one ego at a time. It begins with you and it begins with me.

Are you ready to become a butterfly?  I know I am.  :)

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2, ESV)

All is well

Do All Things

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13, ESV

I love this passage.  The "Him" referred to is Christ in most versions of the bible.  Christ represents God on earth. So it is through God manifesting through human form  that all things are possible. 

Let's look at the term God...in the Christian understanding. God is that powerful entity that we have come to believe in our monotheistic tradition as the being, looking very much like our grandfather,  who sits outside of us, "up there."  (Wherever up there is on a spinning orb :) ) He is the all powerful, all judging, all loving and all punishing figure that determines our fate. 

This God is going to strengthen us. This God is going to make all things possible to us if we accept His Son as His representative on earth and live according to His rules. 

Well I was brought up to believe, in my Christian Church,  that this God I was terrified of and in awe of at the same time would never  make miracles happen through me because I would never be the perfect holy being, Christ was.  I would never be worthy enough to accept such a role. To even think I could do a grain of what Christ did was blasphemous.

 Like most people I know I gave up trying to get promoted to the elusive  status of miracle-worker before I even got started.  Man the criteria was just too tough and the shaming that came from trying...another story .  So I adopted instead the very popular belief that I, as a human being, was and always will be limited in my ability to do all things.  I would never meet God's full approval therefore I would not be performing any miracles.   I thought I was okay with that.

As I began to seek answers to life's complicated questions outside the confines of my church...I began to question two things:

1. Is this traditional version of God that I was brought up to own as a belief stuck in my subconscious,  what God really is?
2. Since I know that my negative thinking is the thing that holds me back from achieving what I want in life....what would happen if I change how I thought?  If I truly believed I could do all things, could I actually do them?

So what is God?

I have come to see God in a whole new light.  I certainly believe there is a God...I honor and value that God in my life.  I am a true believer in that sense...but my perception has changed. 

As I study other religions and other philosophies, I have stepped away from the traditional version of God  I found in my early grade catechism books.   Part of me still clings to the notion of  He and Him because it comforts me but my questioning mind goes beyond my child like need to be soothed and disciplined by an aging paternal figure. I have trouble visualizing him  as an old man in a long beard with a big loud voice that would yell if we committed sins. I don't even know if I see Him as a him or as a being in human form, anymore.

Even through studying...restudying...what I was brought up to believe in the Christian faith...I see God differently. I am starting to see that God is everything!  And God's home turf is everywhere! It is even in me...this School of Miracle Working reject.

" nor will they say, 'Look, here it is!' or 'There!' for behold, the Kingdom of God is in the midst of you." (Luke 17:21; ESV)

The Kingdom of God is within me and around me? Could that be?  If that is the case then how can He be a separate being "up there" ?  How come I have to wait until I die to know him if all He offers after death is already in me?

My questions led me to change the way I saw God.

So, I now see God as formless, Spirit that strengthens us, creates all things and breathes  through all things. God is everything and everywhere.  Most importantly I see God as described in John, "Anyone who does not love does not know God ,because God is love. (1 John 1:48, ESV)

God is Love.

So if I have this God inside me, this all powerful Love...why am I sick? Why am I so broke?  Why am I so physically limited?  Why can I not even create simple miracles around me?

If God is Love and this Kingdom of Love is within us all, why is the world such a mess?  Why is there so much suffering?  So much poverty?  So much war and chaos?

It took me  a long time and a lot of studying and meditating to come to the realization these things are not of God...they are of the belief we as a race adopted that leaves God out. We believe in limitation and scarcity so ego tells us to expect it, to fight tooth and nail to hang on to the little we have...to defend and attack to survive. 

That stuff  is not of God!  That thought comes from  a belief system derived and maintained by ego.

Ego, as Wayne Dyer used to say, "Edges God Out."

God is Love not fear; peace not war; joy not pain.
God is Love!


Do All Things

We can do all things but it is going to involve some serious housecleaning of our subconscious mind (both the individual and the collective).  We need to dig in deep and find all those limiting beliefs that ego has stored and hidden from our awareness  and throw them out so we can make more room for God.

We then replace each ego limiting and destructive  belief with one based on Love and possibility; we replace doubt and unworthiness with faith and a sense of who we are and Who we have within us. ..  And wow!  ...We will have a brand new life and a brand new world to be proud of. 

We can eventually, as a species, do all things through God who strengthens us.  We can heal. We can expand.  We can create miracles everyday. 

As soon as we truly believe we can, we will do all things!

All is well in my world!

Limitations and Faith

Every human being in the human form has limitations.
Eckhart Tolle


We do have limitations because our minds have limitations

Thanks to Tolle and others,  I now realize that in physical form ...right here, right now...many of us still have limitations.   We definitely have hidden abilities that we are not making full use of but...because we depend so much on thought and ego to guide us, we have limitations. Most of us will be guided by that limited belief system for the rest of our lives and that is okay!

Very few of us will transcend our limitations as we walk around in these human bodies thinking from our human minds.  Yet...there is recorded evidence of the possibility of expanding beyond these limitations.  We call this possibility a miracle.

Miracles: Getting beyond our mental and physical  limitations

The woman who lifts a truck from her child's body is an example of this possibility.  Fire walkers  who walk on hot coals without burning the souls of their feet are examples of this.  People who sit in a meditative state for weeks without food or water are an example of this.  Those who survive after drinking poison or getting bit  by poisonous  snakes  for the sake of their faiths are examples of this.  Those who were blind and now see because of a drop of holy water or a tap on the head are examples of this.  Those who visualize their way through  a stage four cancer into remission without medical intervention are examples of this.

Few as these examples may be...they offer proof that we can get beyond our limitations.

Can faith take us beyond our limitations?

So how do we explain this ability in a disabled and limited world?  We are taught that it is faith that moves mountains. "For truly, I say to you, if you  have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'move from here to there' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible to you." Matthew 17:20, English Standard Version.

Our faith is a product of our minds.  Our minds are capable then of anything.  Buddha said, "The mind is everything.  What you think, you become." (52 Buddha quotes).

What about the amazing feats of firewalkers?    Fire walking, or Theemithi is an ancient Hindu ritual observed by South Indian culture.  It re-enacts the scene from the Gita where  a very devote follower of dharma, Draupadi, seeks to prove her purity by  walking on hot burning coals.  Prior to this display she  was disgraced in public and then vowed not to comb her hair until she had the opportunity to smear herself with the blood of her victimizer and to comb her hair with his femur.  At the end of the 13 year war of Mahabharata she had the chance to do just that.  She then walked on the burning embers, was purified, proved her virginity and came out smelling like flowers. Her faith and her desire to be  pure for God not only led her through fire without a burn but it cleansed her. Thus the belief in the purifying nature of fire. (Significance of Fire Walking, n.d.)

This ability to withstand fire can also  be attributed to Judeo-Christian faith in a promise made by God.  "When you walk through fire you will not be burnt and the flames will not consume you." Isiah 43: 2 ESV

And what about those committed evangelists who drink poison or allow themselves to get bit by deadly snakes?  Those who heal the sick and get blind people to see?  Does faith have a part to play in that?

 "They will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poisons, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick and they will recover". Mark 16: 18, English Standard Version

Faith does move mountains then.  Faith can take us beyond our limitations. 

Though we may first have to recognize that in this physical world while we are in physical bodies thinking from a limitation-focused mined...we are limited.  It is okay to accept that.  In fact, it is essential that we accept that before we can go on further.

But...

All we need is faith like a mustard seed?

We can go further into our understanding and building of faith.  We just need a tiny bit to begin with...even a grain of faith as small as a mustard seed can allow us to transcend so much.  Let's look for those grains of faith in ourselves and share them with the world.

Where do we find them? In our subconscious mind, the same place where doubt and belief in limitations reside. It should be our intention, then, to rediscover our unlimited potential and replace those limiting beliefs with new ones that can change the world.

I think it is part of our evolutionary intention to do just that so we as humans can expand as a species  into the beings we are meant to be. This, however, is not going to happen overnight for most of us (though it can). 

Putting aside our egoic version of the truth by which we lived is not an easy task for any seeker. Limitations will be a fact of physical life for many of us until the day we die.  There is no shame in that as long as we are attempting to at least move forward.

For most of us, it will be a slow process full of steps forward and steps backward.  Taking it one step at a time, one human being at a time, one realization at a time, one thought and one changed belief at a time puts us on the road to expansion....the road to miracles.  The more miracles we witness the easier it will be for us to believe in infinite possibility.  The more we believe the greater our faith gets and the greater our faith, the more we expand. I believe, we  can, as a species, eventually get beyond these limitations for the betterment of the world!

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency^[a] in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8

How amazing is that?

I want to end with this lovely quote from  a translation of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.

When you are inspired by some great purpose,

some extraordinary project,

all your thoughts break their ground.

Your mind transcends limitations,

your consciousness expands in every direction,

and you find yourself in a new,

great and wonderful world.

 

Imagine such a new, great and wonderful world where there are so little limitations.

All is well in my world.





References

Hindu 2.0 (February, 2015) 52 Buddha Quotes on Life, Meditation and Peace. Patheos. Retrieved from http://www.patheos.com/blogs/hindu2/2015/02/52-buddha-quotes-on-life-meditation-and-peace/

Patanjali quote. (n.d.) Heaven meets Earth. http://www.heavenmeetsearthyoga.com/inspiration.html

Significance of Fire Walking (n.d.) Indian Mirror. Retrieved  from http://www.indianmirror.com/culture/indian-folklore/Fire-Walking.html

 

Happy Belated Birthday to a country I am so proud to be a part of!  150 years!

On Accepting Limitations

Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.
Albert Einstein

I know...I know...I have always spit on the words limitation and disability.  I thought they were concepts  in our vocabulary that would  diminish our potential as human beings at both the personal and interpersonal level. I thought if we used these words in our daily conversations we would manifest scarcity and a lack of ability in our lives. 

I think I was wrong. 

Einstein and a very wise woman I met yesterday helped me to see that.  I now see that resisting and denying completely this idea of physical world restriction  keeps us pushing against a wall that does not exist.  This constant stress of fighting and pushing against something is  more likely to do damage and therefore to create more limitation in our physical worlds than admitting to being limited ever could.   

On the other hand...admitting to our limitations and accepting things as they are right now and right here can help to open a door to the possible. We can only go beyond our limits when that wall of resistance falls away or a door is opened through it.

Acceptance is the answer...not denial.

 

I have physical world limitations. There I said it.  Right now I have a house that will never be cleaned the way I want it; and a bank account that is not going to allow a Porsche in my drive way anytime soon (not that I want one lol...just an example).  I am limited in what I can do for my children.  I am limited in what I can offer my employer. I am limited in my ability to get complete three articles a week for publication like I had promised to do. :)  I revamped my goal to 2 short articles or one longer one per week! My bad!...

Most importantly I  am limited by my body because of illness ( however you wish to define illness).

 

My body is limited!  I have a body that wants me more than anything else to respect its limits. And man I did everything but treat it with respect.  I pushed it and pushed it and pushed it.  I ignored its whimpers and its pleads until it was crying out with pain.  In my attempt to get it to do what my ego said it should be able to do... I yelled at it, I whipped it and I made it go harder and faster than I should have. 

For example: My cut off point for my angina symptoms was always about a seven  on a scale from one-ten. "Okay", I would tell myself. "I will stop if it gets to seven and take nitro if it doesn't go away with rest.  If the nitro takes it away, I will get back up and keep pushing."  I will not completely stop unless I hit the nine.  So in a sense, I felt I only deserved to stop doing if I hit the nine.  It was a break on 7 and a rest on 9.  I am talking about angina here! 


 I did not respect my body.  I abused it. Why?  Because I didn't want to admit it was limited especially when certain others outside myself were telling me it wasn't. These others never truly looked at me or listened to my story.  They never truly read my chart or tried to put the pieces together.  These others never walked around in this body or experienced any of its pain.  Any cries from it that could be captured were rationalized away by too many different opinions. Any cries from me were by some, explained, as being "lies" or cries for attention. Those I was sent to ... didn't really care enough about me to discover the truth.

Not that they ever had to care.  I know that. They don't owe me.  They are very, very busy and have to prioritize the immediately life threatening.   There are a lot of sicker people in the world. And man...in my own attempt to deny the severity of my experience...I have a tendency to downplay.  Part of me even wanted to believe they were right about me.

 I am not so angry anymore because I realize that their opinion really was never the true problem.  I was the problem.  It was my own approach to limitation and disability that was the problem. I was , in my foolishness, pushing myself to pain  and exhaustion.  I was going to keep pushing, possibly to death,  until I heard them (those with the fancy medical specialities and who really do not need to care as long as I am not at the point of dying in front of them) say, "Stop!  It is okay to stop!  It is okay to respect what your body needs. " 

 Up until yesterday, I have never heard that from any professional  but my GP and a few kind  souls attending in ER.

When I heard it yesterday, it sunk in.  I could see what I was doing. My ego and my dependence on validation from other ego was driving my body into the ground.  I was letting it!

The only Person Responsible for your Health is You!

You see the only person in this whole wide world that is responsible for my health... is me.  The person responsible for your health ...is you.  You are going to have people from all avenues of health care make positive and negative opinions about you if you seek help and health.  You  have no control of other opinion. You will be told all kinds of things...Some of it will be all "ego" based and some of it will be "truth".  Some of it useful, some of it not.  Some of it will feed you and some of it will starve you. Some of it will direct you wisely and some of it will get you lost.  

But your body...your very wise body will tell you what you truly need to hear.  Listen!

If you stop straining to hear the voices of ego (others and your own) and listen to your body instead...it will guide you in the direction that is best for you. Stop pushing it and hurting it  and just listen to the wisdom it has to share.  Respect it!  If it tells you to stop...stop!  If it asks you to exercise it more...do so!  If it asks for water...hydrate it.  If it requests fuel that is packed with nutrients...give it that.  If it demands sleep...let it sleep. Respect you body so it can continue to drive you place to place on this wonderful human journey.

You will not hear it, however, until you tune in to it.  It may require  time and practice to direct your mindful awareness towards your body. It is a practice you must start now!

Though spirit and who you really are beneath your body and ego are unlimited....the things of the physical world do have physical limitations and expiration dates.  Your body will not last forever.  Take care of it while you can!  Honor it!  Respect it!  Love it!  Do not let your ego drive it to the ground as my ego was doing to mine.

 

Make Four Your Nine

"Make four  your nine," was some other wisdom I gained from yesterday's experience.  To me level four symptoms were something I normalized.  They were something I would push past.  They were something I would do my best to ignore so I could appease my ego and get things done.  Level four symptoms did not merit a slowing down in my book because they were a long way from nine. 

 Yet ...level four symptoms are not normal.  People do not walk around short of breath with a pressure or squeezing in their chest or neck that creeps up the scale.  People don't walk around lightheaded or foggy brained.  People do not loose their vision out of the blue. People do not spend their days exhausted.  People don't feel like they are about to faint or faint all over the place.    People do not normally have to take nitro up to 12 times a week just so they can get by!

The heart is crying out from a level three on the scale upward, "I cannot, for whatever reason, get that 02 to the parts of the body that need it.  Man!  I am trying so hard but I still can't get it there!" It is not normal for the heart to have to cry out like this.

If I am not bent over with pain...not waking up from a face plant on the floor...not so tired I can't get out of bed...if my heart rate is above 48 and my systolic BP is above 80...I ignore my heart's cries for attention. I make it normal for me.

When symptoms creep up past five on the scale and that attractive belching starts, signalling that the symptoms are getting worse...I do not stop. 

When they hit a six and the pain starts to go between my scapula...I tell myself..."It will go away, it will go away...ignore it!"  Even though I am starting to feel a little anxious as I suddenly recall, as if for the first time, how bad it can get...I keep going. 

When I begin to feel like I am going to go down and/or if the BP bottoms out and the pulse begins to slide into the low 40's, high 30's.....I sit down

When the pain itself  gets so bad I  just can't do what I am doing.  I pop a squat and a rest for a bit.  If the pain  goes away in a few minutes, I get up and go back to what I was doing.  If it doesn't, I reach for the nitro.

I take the nitro, wait ten minutes (I want to give it the extra five to be sure I really need to take it)..if it  is still at a 7 range, after I do take it,  I take another shot...wait another ten...and hope and pray that it goes away so I do not have to take the third dose and thus do the ER thing. 

This was all normal as long as it was "doable".  I thought if I could keep doing then I should have nothing to complain about. Ego is all about doing.  Those who I sought assistance from are all about my ability "to do."  Quality of life was never  a priority. 

"Can you do that without croaking?  Good...keep going.  You are fine.  There is no reason for you to stop!"  (lol)  I know that sounds harsh but basically that was the way it was at times. I own the fact that I allowed that thinking to permeate my being and guide me in my doing. That's all mine!

And if you allow other similar opinion to guide you in your health seeking...it's all yours. You will be responsible for driving your body into the ground?  Do you want to own that?

Make four your new nine, as I was encouraged to do.  If your symptoms (whatever they may be that diminish the quality of your life experience) hit that four on the scale slow down, stop if you must and ask your body what it really needs. Are you pushing it past its comfortable limits for no other reason than to appease your ego or the ego's of others?

Listen to your body!  It will tell you but to hear it you need to be willing to listen.





Going Beyond the Limits

Once we accept the limits of our "physical" world, including the limits of our bodies we can go beyond them.  We can begin to detach our focus from outside things where limit exists and go inward where nothing limited exists.  When we do that we soar past our physical world connection and wake up to the knowing that there is so much more! 

Yes I believe we have this potential as human beings to go beyond the obvious.  People heal themselves from illness all the time.  (That is a topic, however, for another time :)).

Right now...the key step to take on our journey beyond our limitations , is in accepting that, at least for now...they exist. Respect them, as you would any unwanted guest, until you find a way to politely get them to leave.

It is all good! 

Note: these pics are not mine.  I took them from clipboard and I do not know how to reference them lol

Glory and Death according to Houseman

Smart lad to slip betimes away,
From fields where glory does not stay,
And early though the laurel grows
it  withers quicker than the rose.

A.E. Houseman from The Poetry Foundation  https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46452

Awe...does this poem bring back memories to any of you?  I remember sitting in my university English Lit class, all scrunched down in my seat in an attempt to make myself invisible, as the prof went from student to student,  asking questions about the poem.  (Though I always had a secret love for poetry, I never analysed the poems the way I should have.  Well... I didn't analyze at all...I had other things on my agenda back then besides homework).  

I remember thinking to myself, "Oh My God!  Don't ask me a question about  the third stanza.  I don't know what a laurel is.  What is  a freaking laurel?" And of course I would get asked the question:" And what do you think Houseman meant by And early though the laurel grows it withers quicker than the rose."  That would be followed by a  purple face and a lovely " Duhhhhh" response from me.

I have since learned to give poetry the effort it deserves lol.  I now like to know what the poet and his/her words actually mean. I have become somewhat of a reformed student of poetic verse, I guess. This is not one of my favorite poems, though,  nor is Houseman one of my favorite poets but...there is a lot in this poem that applies to my recent writing experience on this blog and the subject of the article I am writing out of here. So I begin.

I had a fleeting moment of glory...just like our poor old chap in the above poem.  I had a moment of recognition  as I stormed through the white tape and heard the gushing of the crowd all around me (301 readers...Yeah!!!!).  I was at the top of my game.  I was pumped.  I was hailed. I was "special" and then... the glory died .  Just as quickly as it came...fame left me lol for more worthy fields.

Unfortunately my name died before I did ...the thing Houseman was suggesting we not do!   Die before the glory does, was Houseman's literal message in the above poem.  Fleeting glory, praise, external validation, recognition...is more important than life. Though the laurel peeks early in youth, it will never last a lifetime. Few of us will die renown and famous even if we were celebrated when we were younger because glory does not stay in the fields for very long.  To die while we are still honored is quite a worthy thing.

To me...dead is dead. I am not sure how long the athlete was celebrated before his untimely demise. His glory apparently will last forever now but him...deader than a nit. (Whoever came up with that saying?  Nits are just asleep, not dead. How can lice infested hair be dead when it is crawling with life/lice...yuck!)

Less than 24 hours, I wore the laurel wreath.  I should have put some magic grow on it because it wilted very fast.

I am joking, of course, about my fame and my remorse that it is gone.  Sure it was nice to see that many readers hitting this site but it is just as nice seeing the low number of familiar clicks.  I am definitely okay living longer than my honoured status. I am okay being a celebrator of the  rose.

Now what does this have to do with the article I am writing?  I am writing about celebrating life now while we are alive, about living each day like it is your last.  I am writing about the awareness of  impending death  being the thing that drives us to live better. In it, I discuss the value of detaching from the unimportant...from things like external praise and validation and just living. In a sense it sides with Houseman's literal theme and at the same time it doesn't. I have to think more on that.

For now I put away my decaying laurels lol and get about the business of living, something the young athlete can no longer do.

Definition of a laurel (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/laurel)...just in case you need it. :)

All is well in my world.

Visitors!

It ain't whatcha write; its the way atcha write it.
Jack Kerouac


I sit here on a beautiful Sunday morning with my tea and my words and readers!

Yesterday I got a whopping 301 readers to this site. I am both surprised and grateful.  I am grateful to The Mindful Word for linking me ( I am not sure if that is what you call it lol)  and for anyone who got curious and popped in.

Unexpected visitors and the house was a mess. The story of my life. lol

For those of you who stopped in, thank you  for having a peek at what I had to say.  I hope you found a little something to take out there with you...an idea, a thought, a feeling or even a word that would make your life and possibly the life of someone else a little better. 

Or maybe you just got a glimpse of my world and found yourself saying, "Nope!  Ain't going there, crazy lady!"  lol.  It is all good. 

If you are so inclined ...come back again.  If you are not, that's okay too.  I am still going to be here writing everyday or every other day...with or without you.  It would be nicer with you.  :)

At least now...I know there are other people out there besides my few loyal readers.  Knowing that, I think maybe I should clean up a bit, just in case you stop in again.  I don't care so much what you think of me ( no offense). I was never one to put on a show for others.  I am what I am, kind of thing and if you seen the state of my house you would realize the truth in that. :) I do, however, want you to feel comfortable when you are here. 

Those who have been here for a while are probably as comfortable in my mess as I am:) They blend in. I never did much housecleaning for them. Not because I did not think they were worthy of it but part of me didn't know how. 

You see, I am just now learning the technique of writing on line. Up until this point, I tended to write like I am writing for a publication you hold in your hands; one where you can lick the corners of each page with your  wet thumb as you slowly rifle through the words. The intent is to create a leisurely but somewhat challenging experience for the reader in that type of writing.  It is not so much the visual formatting of the text but the content that the writer focuses on.

On line formatting is so different, I discover, as I read.  Of course content is priority but in order to keep the busy reader who has their finger on the click button, ready to shift from one writer to the next, reading your words...one must be aware of the multitasking and high speed nature of the online reader's mind and accommodate. Shorter entries.  Shorter paragraphs.  Shorter sentences.  Get to the point!

I won't be able to accommodate all of that.  I am as wordy as hell! I am also not technically inclined to supply all the visual gadgets. That's probably not going to change but I can tidy up some by reminding myself that the reading experience is different here.  I can at least take the papers and the unfolded laundry off the chair so you can sit down.

Whether or not you stay for one entry or all of them, I want you to be comfortable as you read. I want you to know that you are always welcome even though I am not one to stand at the end of the drive way waving my hands for you to come in.  Come in if you want to.  Drive by if you don't. It's all good. I'll have the kettle on and a smile on my face...just in case you do stop by. 

  All is well in my little world.

Capturing Stillness

To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.
Eckhart Tolle

(Manual Mode; f/7.1; 1/80 secs; ISO 200)

 

I love photography because it reminds me of the wisdom found in Tolle's words (above). I want my glass to go through the obvious to what is beneath.

 

What is Beneath? 



I seek the Being  in every thing I shoot.  I seek the stillness.  Capturing something in a still...is simply making that stillness obvious and available to all. I want to stop and quiet the moment.   I try to catch it in all its simple and perfect essence. "This is what life is right here, right now"...is what I want my pictures to say.

A little too deep for me, crazy lady.  Just shoot a nice picture I can put up on my Facebook or Twitter  page (beside my selfies)  lol

It is all good!  All is well in my world.




Thanks to Brainy Quote: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/stillness.html

I got a publication!!! The first article I sent out after Friday's commitment is published on a wonderful site that I am so proud to be published on!! I will send you the link ...my few loyal readers.  Please check out not only my article but the  amazing writing you will find here from others.   It is all good.  The message is slowly but surely getting out there. 

And what is the "real" message I want to share ? Discover who you really are!

All good.

https://www.themindfulword.org/2017/learning-tagore-take-break/

Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of their heart.
Rumi

Do you see anything in this picture other than the graininess (over sharpened lol)?  I will tell you the story before I tell you what to look for.

My cousin painted that mural on a building in a historical park where many, many  Irish Immigrants died.  Coming from boats riddled with Typhus, Scarlett Fever and other awful diseases the place was landmarked  as a quarantine station in the mid 1800's.  One boat in particular, pictured in the mural, the Looshtauk, arrived with a large number of souls seeking a new life in this strange  new world.  Many of them never made it off the island. Mass graves are everywhere.

Now, one year after painting the mural, my poor cousin ( who not only painted but worked on the island as a security guard) died of complications of a massive stroke at the age of 50. (He was blessed with not only our family's Irish heritage  but our very uniquely disturbed cardiovascular systems. It was of course, a surprise to all of us.). 

So on this June evening, not so long ago, I decided to get some shots of the island shooting over 50 frames.  I wanted to capture my cousin's mural of the very island I was standing on.    This was the only shot I got with this particular "anomalie".  Can you see it yet? There is actually two...one on the mural itself and one where the Looshtauk was probably anchored that many years ago.

I do not pay much attention to the notion of "orbs".  As a photographer I can usually relate it to shooting into the light, something in the frame being out of focus,  or dust on my lens .. something like that...but I shot 50 shots and this is the only picture where I find these circles. Is it not ironic that the biggest one is smack dab on the island my cousin painted in his mural? 

I am not going to get into any discussion on orbs.  I am not going to profess to be a believer or a nonbeliever. ..  but I will offer some links for you to do your own research.  All I have for you is this little photograph and the story behind it. You decide for yourself.

All is well.

http://www.angelsghosts.com/orbs

http://paranormal.lovetoknow.com/Ghost_Orbs_Different_Colors

https://skeptics.stackexchange.com/questions/1246/what-is-the-scientific-explanation-of-orbs-in-photographs

Chest pain, chest pain, chest pain.  Challenging 24 hours...nitro times 3.  It is starting again now. I have a pelvic  ultrasound at 2 ( they only ordered it Monday...pretty fast eh?) ...maybe we will finally find an answer that puts an end to that pain if we can't end the chest pain.   Anyway,  I won't be writing any articles today.  The stuff that comes off the top of my head that I write here requires much less of me physically and mentally. I can do it between the bouts of pain.  It is all good...all good.