The Fruits of Helping Action

 

I work to end suffering without being attached to whether or not suffering ends.

Ram Dass

I am going to share. Brace yourself. I have been feeling so overwhelmed by my present life circumstances again. Feel myself burning out. Why am I frustrated by the suffering of others?:

• It is so in my face.  I cannot escape it anymore. I wake up and it is right there in front of me
• I ...this form and mind...is exhausted and  not 100% well because it is not receiving enough nutriments to sustain it in a wholesome and healthy way.  I have been so busy taking care of others, I neglected myself again. I have been pouring the last little drops out from my dry cup when people come to me with their cups to fill.
• I got lost in the identity of "helper" again.  Redeemer ego  wanted to lift this idea of "me" up to this, "I may be broke; I may have lost all external forms of success; I may not even have so much as a car to drive anymore but wow...look at me...I am a selfless helper. A true martyr." I can't believe I went there again. Yuck!
• and most obviously...I was too attached to the fruits of my actions...I was thinking in my mind, "If I am going to invest all this time and energy into serving, helping...I better see some positive results.  I am not seeing positive results because it doesn't work that way. 
• I feel like a failure as a helper, as a mom and sometimes as a human being. Sigh!

So this is what I observe this "me" experiencing as I look at my reactions to what Life has unfolded in front of me. ( Unfolded? Feels like it dumped ten tons of unfolded laundry on my head  and said "Fold!lol)

Anyway, I can get to  what lies beneath all this apparent chaos of circumstance and reaction for the peace that is there.  That peace is my reality, this doesn't have to be.

• Yes,  it is so much in my face and there appears to be only a little distance between me and it...but there is distance!!! It may not seem like much distance but there is distance.  I am not the suffering going on in me and around me...I am the Observer of it! As soon as I slip into Observer, I create distance between who I am and that which I am observing.  I can also disentangle this little entity called "me" from that which it appears to be tangled up in.  This "me" is not the one with the issues that causes such suffering.  So there is distance there.  I may be holding up that suffering...owning it ...trying to fix it for others but it isn't "mine" in physical terms. I can always put it down or give it back to the person over there that calls themself  the " suffering me".  " I did not create it.  I cannot control it.  I cannot change it." "I didn't break it so I can't fix it." Sigh...just saying that brings a bit of "relief".
• I can begin to look after me.  Now, I do have a problem with that because I am caught between the spiritual intention to dissolve "me" all together and the human intention for psychological and physical  self care. I mean, I know I have physical needs which I am not putting great effort into meeting. That is why my body is reacting right now. Without this body, I can not get around to do anything for anybody here.  I aslo, as a person who is not yet fully evolved, have psychological needs that may involve nurturing this idea of "me" until I get beyond it all together. I mean...I need to find a way to open up to joy and peace even if it involves a certain entrenchment in physical world pursuits that go beyond my yoga practice...I need a break from all this challenging external stuff. ...like a mini escape away from all this for a while to regroup. I do want to be able to remain open to everything that Life gives me...I do...I do not want to run, suppress any more junk, escape ...I want to pay off any karmic debt I owe...but I wonder when we are in a state like this to we accumulate more unwholesome karma? Is it not a good idea to step away for a brief period of time?
• I have to put away the label of "helper".  I am not a helper...I am a human being who simply wants to do what I can for other suffering beings.  I am a human being first...meaning that the human part of me has needs too.  Hmm! I cannot pour from an empty cup.  I have to fill this cup up.
• I also need to stop being so attached to the fruits of my actions...I can only do what I can do and leave the rest up to God.  Just like a physician can not save every life ...they do their best to alleviate suffering and eventually must let go of outcome  to nature....I must do the same here. I cannot save anybody! Especially if they don't want to be saved.  I can love, encourage, support, offer counsel when requested, set limits that protect them and others as much as possible...but that's it. Sigh.  I do not know how this is going to turn out.  I don't.  I see, though,  how this letting go can also have a positive effect on outcome.  There was one individual in this household at one time that I was so sure would never get beyond his choices...I let go...gave him back what was his...gave him a little push out and stood by to encourage and support from a distance. He did overcome that which was holding him down. Sigh
• Oh,  I hear old familiar Shamer Ego in my mind telling me I am a failure as a helper and a Mom...but I do not have to listen.  That is, afterall, just a bunch of old conditioning.  It never served me then and it does not serve me now. I may not be able to shut it up right now but I  can get beyond it.
• I also remind myself that this so called "suffering" is universal.  I am not the only human or the only being suffering. Of course, "my" so called suffering is actually coming from the suffering of those I love...but they are, in my ego mind just extensions of "me" so my mind says ..."my suffering". So many are suffering "out there" and that suffering is often  far greater in other beings, than I have yet to experience. I don't want to lose my sense of compassion for others by focusing on me and mine.  So, I am reading, Incidents in a Life of A Slave Girl, by Harriet Ann Jacobs. Now that puts suffering into perspective...let me tell ya!

I know this seemed like a lot of personal ranting and raving but there are some great lessons in here for all of us.  

All is well.

Ram Dass/ Be Here and Now ( August 29, 2023) Ram Dass on the Optimum Time for Spiritual Growth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNyxtg2tgWk

Annoying Annie or a River of Joy?

 There is a river of joy flowing inside you. Find it; Go there; Get in it; and drown. 

Michael A. Singer's paraphrasing of Yogananda's Teachings

I want nothing more, as a parent, than to have my childrens' lives  flowing with joy. They aren't.  Like most of us, they are trapped in and tripped up by their reactivity to Life, instead of living it fully. One common thing I see in today's youth, because of their samskaras,  is the presence of "debilitating" anxiety. 

An Annoying Companion

I  often tell my daughter who suffers from social anxiety to think of her anxious mind as a poorly socialized  companion called "Annoying Annie".  I want her to imagine that Annie is always following her around 24-7, jabbering on and on and on in her ear, never shutting up in her unrelenting speech which is  most of the time very negative, fearful and shaming. Sometimes Annie is somewhat subdued and quiet, other times she is loud, obnoxious, and very demanding.  I reminded her that we all know people who do that, that talk for the sake of talking without even realizing what they are doing or aware of how they are impacting others. Much of what they say is self-serving,  has no meaning in it, and is not worth listening to. And though  such friends' heart and original intent may be  good, their presence may be interfering with  our everyday  life and  need to be dealt with. It is not so much the annoying companion we need to deal with ( we can't off them) , but our reaction to them.

I ask my daughter to consider this anxiety she is dealing with as  "Annoying Annie" because I want her to see the mind as a separate entity...not who she is. I don't want her to view her mind ( and its anxiety)  as an evil enemy so I encouraged her to view it as a peer, albeit not a great one.  I want her to see the distance that is there between her and it so she can observe it and therefore slip into "Witness Consciousness",  rather than be so caught up in  the mind's anxiety that she believes  it is who she is. I want her to realize that Annie's thought's have nothing to do with her. They are Annie's ( the mind's). I want her to be able to replace her chronic  mantras, "I am so anxious!" with "My anxious mind[Annoying Annie]  is bothering me again." I want her to rename her mental and emotional experience as "Annoying Annie"...so she can see it as just annoying rather than debilitating.   If she can view anxiety  as separate, a distance away from her and not who she really is; if she can see it as something on her level that can be observed from a distance;  and if she looks at it as  more annoying than debilitating...I figure she could feel empowered in dealing with anxiety and the mind. 

So How Do We Deal With the Mind? 

I asked her then how she would handle  a friend that did the same thing as her mind is doing.  She probably wouldn't be rude. She probably didn't want to fight her.  She could seek to see the good in her. She probably wouldn't run away and hide from her becasue she knew that would be too  obvious, She could try talking to Annie, to let her know that what she was doing was interrupting her life....though it would be hard to get a word in.   It would likely not change Annie's behaviour either.  She is, after all, what she is. She could listen to the content of Annie's never ending speaking for a while and once she realized the nonsense and self serving content of her friend's speech, she would less likely be inclined to listen or follow any directions or advice offered. She would be less likely to own any of Annie's fears, worries, blame etc either. She would eventually get to the point where she would hear and see her friend speaking but would not feel inclined to listen.  She would not personalize or  own anything Annie had to say. She would stop focusing on Annie altogether. She would put her attention back on Life in this here and in this now. She could then go about seeing and hearing what was unfolding in front of her instead of being consumed by this annoying companion's antics.   Even though Annie may never go away, she would not be bothered by Annoying Annie anymore. She would not be bothered by the mind's anxious tendencies. 

Appliance: Thought Machine

So I use Annoying Annie to describe the mind but  but Michael A. Singer describes the mind as an appliance, a thought machine that is constantly generating automatic thoughts based on our stored impressions or samskaras. The mind and its thoughts, Singer reminds us in the below linked podcast,    have no more to do with us than Mount Everest does. They are "just thoughts" that are pumping out.  We do not have to listen let alone own them.

Garbage In; Garbage Out

What thoughts come out of this appliance, and what words come out of Annie's mouth are determined by those deep impressions or samskaras we have stored inside, our suppressed and repressed memories with their emotional energy entwined around them. We put the data in at some point..."This was painful, do not want any more of this."  "That was nice, want more of that" and these machines spit out the thoughts and internal dialogue when they encounter whatever they encounter "out here". 

The mind isn't doing anything wrong really.  It is doing what we asked it to do.  We put the garbage in and it is just spitting out the results. What we need to do is clean up our insides.  We need to get the garbage out or at least let it come up and out when it is ready.  What the  thought appliance is spitting out  or  what Annoying Annie is  saying really doesn't matter. What we do with the garbage does. 

The source of your misery is how you are processing the imprint of the past now. You maybe carrying around a sackful  of stinking garbage. Either you can smear yourself with it and get terribly miserable, or you can make good manure out of it and create a wonderful garden.

Sadhguru, page 42 

All is well.

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 28, 2023) Cleaning the House of the Mind.https://tou.org/talks/

Fooled? What is Going On?

 When I think of life, it is all a cheat. Yet fooled by hope, people favor this deceit. 

John Dryden

I find myself in a situation where I am wanting to be fooled by hope but atlas....I now know better.

As much as I would like to believe that the big spike in stats I am seeing here is an increase in authentic readership, my rational mind tells me it isn't. Getting thousands of readers/hits ( whatever they are) a day.  It is only 9 am and already I have 956 hits on the stats page.  Most mornings, at this time, I would be overwhelmed with joy just to get six, let alone 956. Because of this spike, I am getting very close to the 100,000 number too, which I guess has some significance in this internet game...not sure why or what will happen when I hit that number.  Will horns go off and golden streamers fall down on me from the sky? Whatever the meaning of the numbers in the cyber world, it doesn't hold the same significance to me though...especially if it is just bot or other activity causing the spike in numbers, and not actual readers.  I am getting readers, don't get me wrong, I an so grateful to them and see the pages that were viewed but the pages viewed by no means match the number of so called hits ( not sure what they are  called) .  I have had one of those  minus's  as well which is not technically possible on a statistical pie chart. It just doesn't make sense. Anyway...it is what it is.  

Thank you authentic readers ( those of you that are)  though for reading along.  Much , much appreciated. 

All is well

Learning About Karma

 Karma is not a creed, a scripture, an ideology, a philosophy, or a theory,  It is simply the way things are.

Sadhguru, pg 8

I have had this deep unrelenting knowing that I was living out some type of karma but I never truly understood what karma was. I wanted to know more. 

So I finished the book on Karma by Sadhguru and like I said it was very well written and interesting to read.  I still don't know, however, if I truly understand karma .  I am not sure that the inner question that led me to read the book was answered.  What was that question (questions)? 

Are these seemingly unrelenting  challenging circumstances here for a deeper and more important reason? Am I living out a karma for the betterment of Self and others and should I therefore be accepting and appreciative of this suffering because it serves a higher purpose?

If I knew there was some universal benefit to my suffering, that what I was experiencing here in terms of financial, familial and personal "hardship" had a purpose...man I would gladly accept it without complaint.  I would even say, "Bring it on!"  I wouldn't be seeing it in the way ego convinces me to see it: as unfair punishment and something I need to change or escape right now!  True acceptance, allowance, appreciation, and honoring of my circumstances would take place. That, in itself, would bring peace. 

Sure, a big part of me still asks this question:

How can I change it so I, in this form, and those I love  are enjoying the fruit of good karma?

Man, I want a little joy in "my" life.  Is there anything wrong with that? I realize as I ask that question, I am still too concerned with this "me" and this life-time it is in...when "me" is just a small crumb in the vastness of all that is and this life-time is just a blink of an eye in eternity.  

Sigh! Anyway, I am going to explore the book farther,.  Take my highlighted notes, and what I am gleaming from other resources, and share them here in hope that I, if not you, will learn a little something from it.

All is well. 

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

That Which Sticks

 

If you are in a state where you think your karma [present set of life circumstances that may be a consequence of your actions] is a burden that must be eliminated, you are not yet ready for liberation. Only when you learn to transform every memory-conscious/unconscious, pleasant/unpleasant, beautiful/horrendous-into joy and well being are you ready. 

Sadhguru, Karma: A Yogis Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books, page 235

Not Yet Ready

Are you ready to accept whatever  unfolds in front of you as a necessary part of your evolution, regardless of what it is, and transform it into joy and well being? I am trying to do this but it isn't easy, let me tell ya. I think I am accepting, even embracing,  then boom...I slip back into resisting. Around and around I go  in this big karmic loop.  

Yet, I am learning, that in order to be free of karma we must let our samskaras go...those impressions that got "stuck" inside us because of our resistance to what is. We are suffering not from the occasional unconscious, unpleasant and even horrendous experiences we encounter but because of these knots of resistance in us.  We don't want our stored stuff to come up.  We don't want our buried samskaras to rise to the surface the way they do when we encounter certain things we decided we liked or didn't like out there. So we resist Life. Sigh.  We work really, really hard to control it all "out there" so we feel better "in here",  when it isn't ours to control. We resist fulfilling our karmic debt and we resist enjoying Life fully as it is. This is our suffering.

Hmm! I am trying to understand karma better.  I am trying to relate it to our "samskaras" and to our dharma, our practice of awakening. I still get all caught up in it. It isn't something we are meant to understand conceptually but experientially.  Lord Krishna Himself said the way of karma is unfathomable. Bit by bit the learning from experience is coming.

What is Karma? 

Karma is action.  Action consists of thoughts, feelings, words and deed.  Every action has an effect.  Both the effect and the action can be current, occurring in this life-time ( Kriyaman (and Agomi) Karma). It can be something already begun, possibly from another life-time or from the body itself which is a composite of memory ( Prarabdha Karma). It can also be represented in something called Sanchita Karma which is an accumulation of all karmic actions and whose effects will likely be felt in another life time. 

Karmic needs and debts manifest not only as an individual's set of life circumstances, but in the way in which  they deal with them. Hindu America Foundation, 2014

Sticky

Karma is basically the sticky residue of our actions. That which sticks.  What sticks? That which we attach our volition to, our intellectual energy to; that which we judge and discriminate to label as anything but neutral; that which we desire; that which we don't want; that which we stuff and store away from psyche's awareness; and that which we resist.  Is this not our samskaras? 

I look around my present set of circumstances and ask, "What have I done to deserve this? Man, I must have been really unconscious, really unwholesome, really reactive in this or another life time. " I rack my brains to remember what I was like as a child.  I think I started out happy, friendly and very much in love with Life.  I was always compassionate and naturally wanted to be helpful to all living things.  Somewhere along the line, however, I got broken and gradually became so absorbed with my own pain I began to react to Life in a fearful, defensive and unwholesome way. I began to resist what is. 

I was born with a certain amount of karma memory ...genetically and physically...as well as mentally determined.  Then I added onto the karma with my response to Life, accumulating a lot more.  Is that why this is all "seemingly" happening now? 

Not so Woo-woo

I can think of this Karma  as an inner trajectory , rather than a universal one, as a psychological and practical thing rather than a mystical one. I can think of is as a "self-fulfilling prophecy". When we are hurt by others, we develop core beliefs about our lack of worthiness. We assume the worse of ourselves and others.  When we hurt inside we become self protective.  When we become self protective, we pull back from certain things and make very protective choices. We become fearful of anything outside our comfort zone. The need for comfort increases as the fear of anything outside this zone arises. Our life choices reflect that.  We seek to manipulate "out there" so as to be as comfortable as possible "in here." Our life circumstances then reflect our choices.  

We also learned to think, feel, speak and do from our caregivers who were taught by theirs, and we unknowingly teach our off spring to do the same.  Our children learn from us.  They also inherited our memory DNA. They too become "self-" protective . It becomes a vicious cycle.  I am living the results of all three types of karma now. 

Escape or Serve the Time? 

The thing is, I still sometimes see karma as something I need to escape, run from.  One of the greatest reasons why I devote myself to a sadhana is to be free of suffering. Sometimes that freedom looks like a change of external events...less challenge, less of the "yucky" thrown in my face all the time.  I want to escape my karma.  Other times that looks like me finding peace no matter what is happening around me, of transcending...of being freed from my karma, not the circumstances, once and for all. That will mean, I suppose, living out my karma, serving my time.

If you are escape from prison you will be on the run for the rest of your life.  But if you are freed from prison because your term is up, you are a free man. 

Sadhguru, page 235

I know that karma is not a crime and punishment type of thing but as long as we resist it and life circumstance we are  in a type of prison. Are we not?  How do we free ourselves  from that prison? We can escape and  run away through resistance and outer world focus and manipulation, but we will never truly get away. Karma will follow us becasue it is stuck to us. Or we can do as Nelson Mandela and Gandhi did, patiently wait to be freed. 

I see that it isn't what is happening that I must change to transcend my karma, it is my relationship with it that needs to be changed. 

Not trying to change the disturbance, you are trying to change your relationship with the  disturbance. Singer

Whether we understand what it was that got us imprisoned in the first place or not (I may never know what I did to accumulate such karma) we can simply accept where we are at and serve out the time for our sake, and the sake of all those who come after us.   If we think of  our karma serving a purpose  for the greater good, we may even find joy and well being in it. Hmm!

In the meantime, we can avoid adding to that karma, adding to our samskara load. We can become intimately familiar with the working of our minds and notice how they are reacting to life circumstance.  Before we get lost in the thinking and feeling, before we speak and before we act...we can take a deep breath and relax.  We can then ask, "Do I really want to add more time to my sentence?  Do I really want to add more suffering to this experience I am in, for myself or others? " 

Instead of saying, "I can't handle this" and reacting according to that thought...we can instead say, "I can handle this.  It will pass and it will take a little of the karma away, a little more samskara away every time  I allow it to be what it is as it passes through". 

Let's just stay open and allow it all to pass through. Someday we will be free. 

Hmmm! All is well in my world!

Gurudev Sri Ravi Shankar (Dec 2, 2022) What is karma? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yePTvXf2oIQ&t=2s

Hindu American Foundation (2014) What is Karma? https://www.hinduamerican.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/KarmaMokshaandSamsara2.0_0.pdf

Sadhguru (2021) Karma: A Yogis Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books,

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 27, 2023) The Art of Letting Go. https://tou.org/talks/

Running from Reality?

You can't conquer reality by running away from it.

Og Mandino

Should I run and hide from challenging Life circumstances? 

Did you ever get to the point where you felt like you were smothering under the weight of your external circumstances...and choking on a very visceral internal reaction to them? Did you ever get to the point where you felt that if you staid  where you were you would be crushed?  Have you ever seriously considered just running away from it all, using your spiritual inclination as an excuse to join an ashram or a monastery, just so you could focus on peaceful things all day instead of this?

I have had a literal knot in my gut for three months. It feels like I swallowed a pumpkin sized rock or something and it is just sitting there.  When the noisey warnings around me get really loud or when I find myself tripping over the external circumstances that are popping up  from this dusty old rug that is constantly unfolding in front of me, this knot starts to roll around inside me. It is painful! I also have this deep sense of heaviness all around me. It takes my oompf away and my natural tendency is to react or "do" something about it, to fix it. 

I mean, I have practiced enough to know I must counter these tendencies.  I start by reminding myself...that dealing with this that is unfolding in front of me and my reaction to it is my practice. I do my best to center myself so I can be open to all of it...so I can allow all of it in.(But I still  choke on the dust!)  I do my best to meditate and do kriya.  I do my best to relax into the face of this noise, this chaos  and this unravelling of more and more challenging events, but the weight of this knot in me and this heavy cloud over "me"  seems to be pulling me down! 

Run, crazy lady! Run!

I hear this internal warning system going off, "Run!" I really, really, really want to run but I don't run. I still myself when the bells go off. I observe what is happening around and in this form.  I do my best to accept what is showing up in front of "me"and in me, to understand it, to embrace and honor each challenge and each reaction to the challenge.  It isn't easy and I screw up royally from time to time, but I do my best. I am also  studying everything I can about karma...because I know in my gut that this is "my" karma...something I have created  along the way and something I can possibly undo.  I want to understand it better. Yet, everything is so dark and exhausting, confusing...I feel so overwhelmed at times...and the physicality of this just weighs me down more. It is like WTFork? The temptation to heed the "Run!" warning comes again and again but here I am. 

Hmm! Have you ever felt like that? 

The thing that makes this so confusing, I guess, is that I see how this form and mind I identify as  is taking quite the bopping from Life in terms of circumstances ( not that Life has a personal vendetta against me or anything...just happening either because of a million lead up events that have nothing to do with me  or because of some karmic influence arising from this "me").  Most psychologists would tell me that Life is hard and the "me" is at risk. They would instruct that it is of upmost  importance to look after this "me", stand up for it, protect it,  make sure it gets its needs met during these challenging times so it remains strong and healthy. And that makes sense, right, to this notion of self-love we grow up with? 

Should I protect this "me"? 

Yet, the more I practice what I am practicing, and the more I see beyond psychological conditioning the more I see and understand that I should not be protecting this "me." In fact, I should be letting Life take it out like it seems to want to do. I could  even speed things up by kicking it out.  The "me" is the problem, not a victim to what Life or karma is doing here.   The problem is that I still identify as this seperate , little  "me", (with all its mixed up preferences and needs),  that is dealing with these Life circumstances. In doing so I suffer and miss out on experiencing the joy that exists beyond this notion of "me, my and mine". So why should I do what I can to protect "me"? I don't want a healthy sense of  me...I want a dead sense of  me. Must die to be reborn. 

I  ask myself these questions in the face of all this : 

Who is this "me" that is having such a hard time?  Who is this "me" you are told  you need to protect from life? Who is this "me" that created this karma you are experiencing?  Is this "me" who you really are? Is it worth protecting, defending, feeding or saving? This me is just something you created in your mind, right? Your psyche, your self-concept...is just that a concept, an idea, right?  It isn't real!

Who is  really hurting here?  Just "me", right? Is there a part of you  watching what is happening outside you and inside you? Who is this that is watching? Does it hurt? No, right?  It is just objectively observes what is happening and how "me" is reacting to it. What does it feel like to observe the drama of me from this objective, clear minded space? As long as you are observing the drama of me, even from a slight distance, you are not tangled up in me's tale of woe, are you? There is no need to react to or resist any of it. You can be at peace regardless of what is happening around your form, can't you?

What does that realization mean?  It means you are not that drama and neither are you that "me"? Could it be that "me" and the life experiences unfolding in front of it, and the reactions to them that follows, are not who you are? If you can watch them, you are the observer, the witness, the awareness of them but not them, right? Why don't you focus more on the observer that is watching this drama of me, rather than the drama and the "me"? 

So who would be doing the running away, if you were to run? This made up sense of "me" would be running and who you really are as the watcher, would just be watching it run. It is  "me" that is encouraging the run...isn't it? What is left of this me, that which you are still clinging to, is pretty desperate in your waking up. It wants to survive...doesn't want you Self-realized...doesn't want you to take your internal eyes off it, does it? It knows that if your consciousness is not focused on it, it does not exist. So, is it not funny, that the closer you get to leaving this "me" behind, the karmic drama increases to get your attention focused back on it? 

Hmmm! Yeah I question all this, I see all this.  I understand all this. 

There is still some clinging to this idea of "me" though that keeps pulling me down.  I need to let it go.  Right now, I think Life is doing me a favour, answering my prayers...I ask for freedom from suffering.  Freedom from suffering is not about freeing one's self from challenging experiences, it is all about freeing one's self from attachment to  "me". If we are suffering, we are still clinging to me. Life can help us remove it, if instead of resisting realty when it unfolds in front of us, we open up and allow it all in.  Life will then  blow what is left of "me" right out the window. We just need to let her do that. Sigh.

All is well in my world.  

Getting Rid of "Me"

 "I don't like what is happening...but if I don't get rid of the part that doesn't like it...I am not going to grow."

Michael A. Singer

The more I read, the more I listen, the more I study and the more I learn from going inward to examine my own inner world...I see more and more clearly how the answer to everything is in letting go of "me." This "little me", this personal mind, this "somebody" we create in our heads is in the way of our freedom, our shakti flow, our sat chit ananda, this river of joy that Yogananda tells us is within us.  It and its attachment to desire and aversion is the cause of our suffering, according to the Buddha. We really need to let it go!

We, who we really are beneath this idea we have of "me" are pure consciousness.  We are Sat Chit Ananda ( eternal, conscious, bliss) . We are that which watches and observes ( without attachment to any of it) the mixed up minds and our frantic doing.  We are that which watches the feelings and thinking that is responsible for disturbing us and leading us to blame the world for our so called problems. We are the light that shines on all this stuff we are all tangled up in.  We are not the entity that gets bothered by life and then suffers...we are the watcher of this entity. We are not that which we are watching...we are the watching. 

Yet, we are so caught up in  that which is being watched...the outside world with all its changing events and phenomena and the person that is disturbed by it, (only because it affects our thoughts and feelings), that we cannot see who we really are.

Our curriculum here in this school where souls are sent to evolve is all about evolving and finding our way back to who we really are, our way back to God.  Hmm! What is in the way? "Me". "Me" is in the way. Our consciousness is so busy shining on it, we cannot see that we are the light that is shining and not what is being shined upon. 

When are we going to get that,  really get that? 

All is well in my world.

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now ( n.d.) Episode 26-Suffering Part Two. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MKuE0IpJv0&t=8s

Michael A Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 24, 2023) Exploring Spiritual Evolution https://tou.org/talks/

Through the Awful Grace of God

In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful Grace of God.

Aeschylus 

Those are beautiful haunting words, aren't they? What does Aeschylus mean by them, I wonder.  Of course, my interpretation will differ from yours.  This is what comes to my mind and my heart when I hear them or read them. In our sleep: What sleep is he talking about I wonder.   I am assuming he is speaking about the sleep most of us are caught under, a lack of awareness, a lack of mindful attention, a lack of consciousness. Then he is speaking about "pain that cannot forget". Is that referring to those difficult circumstances that bring pain, which  instead of facing and allowing to pour through we suppress and repress into knotted samskaras? (Of course, such suppressed and repressed pain often emerges in our dream states for us to deal with, doesn't it?)  It falls drop by drop upon the heart...It doesn't seem like much at first but after so many drops we feel the  pain as excruciating discomfort , as "suffering" and the heart closes to protect itself?  He seems to be making the distinction between pain and suffering. When that pain becomes suffering wisdom ...truth ( thinking of the noble truths as I read this) comes. This wisdom, this transcendence of our ignorant suffering for greater understanding and awakening comes "against our will".  Little "me" might resist because of its  fear of  suffering and its fear of its own demise. Once we get past that, however, once we get past the "little me" and accept Life for what it is, wisdom will come.  This will all happen through the "awful" grace of God. Thy will, not my will. Why "awful" ? ...Well to the "little me" it will seem awful to be pushed aside. Grace pushes ego aside for God when we awaken.   I also  look at the word as "awe- full", filled with awe...This whole process of transcending, of using suffering to get closer to God is one we cannot help but be in awe of, if we truly understand it.  Suffering seems "awful" but it is also Grace and therefore filled with awe.

I don't know that is what comes to "me" as I read those words based on all my samskaras and previous learning and conditioning. I interpret those words, as I interpret the world at this lag of my journey. What do you hear?

Anyway...these words too are poignant: 

You need a happy mind, a conscientious  mind,  and an open heart; especially you must learn to cultivate the precepts of transforming bad circumstances, the experiences of your suffering, into the very path of awakening.

From a dying lamas letter as  recited by Ram Dass

Do you have a relaxed appreciation of change or are you busy resisting change with everything you have?  Do you have a happy, conscientious mind? Do you have an open heart? How are you handling those "bad circumstances" that are plopping down in front of you? Are you seeing the grace in them and attempting to use those challenging events, to transform them into stepping stones on this path to awakening? Or are you screaming "Oh No! Not that! I don't want that! I want this!" as you run around fighting, struggling against and denying what is? 

Well, according to the Buddha, many wise masters and to Ram Dass in the below linked podcast. if you are doing anything akin to the latter, you are suffering. If you are accepting, allowing, and using these experiences  to grow, you are well on your way to awakening...to transcending suffering. 

As I experience what I experience here in my now, I feel comforted in knowing I have a choice as to how I use this pain...I can use it to "drop by drop" create more suffering or I can use it to get closer to God. I will choose the latter.  It is also comforting to know that my loved ones may be closer to awakening than most people I know because of their suffering.  We just need to stop the mind from clinging to "me".  We need to let go of all we thought we were, for who we really are.  Though we do not ask for more ( oh man, I don't want  more lol) we accept the challenges that unfold in front of us, see the Grace in them and let go of all that doesn't matter, so we can realize and embrace what does!  Suffering can help us do that. Hmm!

All is well. 

Ram Dass/ Here and Now Network ( n.d.) Episode 25- Part One Suffering https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-vI9zjFe3I

Cleansing the Channel

Yoga is the process of cleansing the channel so life is allowed to unfold as it is and you are at peace with it, you are in harmony with it...[until every single moment that unfolds in front of you is better because it did]. 

Michael A. Singer

 I realize, as I wake up without the urge to bop around saying, "Oh isn't this wonderful?  Isn't this great?"...that Life is not going quite the way I want it to. Though I am reacting to external challenge much less than  I used to say seven years ago and the pendulum is just moving a little bit towards the "not fun" side of my mind as I watch these circumstance unfold in front of me, I am still reacting in a less than neutral way to what Life is offering. Why? Because I am still not okay inside! 

I know so well now that Life isn't personal and that accepting it as it is the only way to approach it. Still, parts of the discriminating, externally focused "me" remains. I know samskaras are leaving the filing cabinets where I had once fought to store them and are making their way up and out, as well. That is a bit uncomfortable and disturbing too...especially so  as I deal with these "big" external triggers. I see how much of a mess I still am inside. It seems that right now there are  things I feel I can't handle, meaning that I have some work to do.

Work?

Yes, work.  I mean, I do not have to work anymore to make things different out there...to make people, places and things be the way "me" wants them to be but I do need to work to keep my heart open, my self centered and the shakti flowing.  I am willing though...I see this as my life mission now.

If I have this stuff inside of me and if it is bothering me, it is going! And no more is coming in. 

It is funny that I randomly answered the question and did this related  video yesterday, only to open up to this today.

Anyway, all is well.  

Michael A Singer/ Temple of the Universal ( August 21, 2023) Letting Go- The Journey from Bondage and Liberation. https://tou.org/talks/

Fruits of Actions

 But those who choose to serve will be undeterred because they are not obsessed with the fruit of their action.

Sadhguru

Shout Out to Singapore!!

As you know I don't promote this blog.  The doing of it has much more intrinsic value than it does extrinsic.  I just feel compelled to come here almost everyday and share what I am learning, as crazy as that may sound. So I am perfectly okay with a readership on my stats of under ten.  I am okay not knowing how many "followers" I have...(this site doesn't tell me..it constantly reads 'no followers' when I know I have some.) I don't really have a goal...like "I want so many likes or so many subscribers or 100,000 page views ( which btw I am close to getting...since inception that is).  I am obviously not looking to, at this point, make money off it.  I am not looking to get famous lol. I am here, I guess, as corny as it may sound, to serve.  Serve who? Serve Self...which may equate to serving others who are travelling along this path and who might learn from another traveller. 

I do, however, check the stats page daily. Sure ego is still lingering around wondering , "Do they like me?" and that may, despite my practice to go beyond "me" , still have something to do with why I check.  But 'I am' also curious.  I do want to know if I am serving in a useful way...if anyone is getting anything from this of value...or if the few talents I may have are being used in the most helpful way. Of course, ego sometimes pops in to ask , "or am I wasting my time?" Of course,  I know that I am not wasting my time.  I will do this regardless of outcome.  The inner  pull is that strong.

Anyway, every now and again I get hit with big numbers on my stats page.  Anything over 100 per day, I consider a big number lol.  Sometimes there is one country or area that is bringing in those large numbers. Over the last week or so that area was Singapore. 

Sometimes, I will get big numbers from areas but obviously see that nothing was read..no recently read posts come up.  (I like to review posts that were read so I can  edit if necessary and it also helps me to review what I have learned.) So I wonder why and what was that all about...bots, highjackers or whatever? 

Well, I see as the numbers come up, connected to Singapore, that recent, and more often, not- recent posts come up.  It looks like someone is actually reading this stuff for whatever reason and many of  those or that reader is from Singapore, 

I want to send out a note of gratitude and connection to whomever is under that "Singapore" label. I also want to send out a note of gratitude for the other loyal readers who have been following me for as long as they have. ...who I may not acknowledge enough.  Thank you. Thank you for being interested in this very important stuff....not for puny little "me"s sake ...but you know....for the world's. ( Corny, I know.)

Anyway, thanks.  

Letting It Flow Anyway It Likes

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them-that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in anyway they like.

Lao Tzu

Stop using your powerful, life enhancing shakti flow, your consciousness against yourself?

Huh?

Well that is the piece of unsolicited advice I would give to others who are experiencing so called "stress."  Stress , according to Michael Singer, is simply the result of resisting what is. When we resist what is...we seek, struggle, fight to make the world and others in it different....most often than not...unsuccessfully. It doesn't work. We get stressed.  Without resistance there is no stress. 

I had the experience of intense stress this week. I was looking around at the moments in front of me and found myself saying, "No! It shouldn't be this way."  Why should it not have been that way? Because it didn't suit this "me" I created in my head, this psyche which is the sum of all learned experiences this "me" had. It didn't meet "my needs".  So there I was questioning a very disturbed mind as well as the disturbed minds of others..."How do we make this more suited to what "me" needs and wants?" As long as you have needs you are not okay inside. 

Wow! I am really not okay inside. The whole thing is crazy when I think about it...not so much the circumstances as my reaction to then.  People are the way they are, doing what they do for a million different reasons that have nothing to do with me.  The world is unfolding in front of " me" the way it is for a million different reasons that have nothing to do with "me". And here I am resisting it and then trying to change everything so it makes me feel  more comfortable inside and less stressed when I cannot change anything.  Crazy.

The opposite of resistance is acceptance, the opposite of stress is peace and relaxation, the opposite of blocking and closing is opening, the opposite of pushing down and away is allowing in and letting go.  My practice, which I neglected this week because of "stress", is helping me accept, to open, to find peace through relaxation and it is helping me to allow Life to be whatever it is so it all just flows through me. 

I am not this me and the circumstances me is experiencing.  I am the witness watching all this go down.  I just got so caught up in watching the drama, I once again forgot who I was. 

I need to get back to my practice.  I need to get back to the Seat of Self. I need to let things flow forward in anyway they like...not in the way "me" likes.

Thy will...not my will...be done.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 20,2023) Releasing the Roots of Inner Stress. https://tou.org/talks/

Changing the World?

 

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself. 

Rumi 

I keep saying that the only way to help others is to help self first.  We need to put on our own oxygen masks before we can do any good for the people around us.  I know that and I practice that but I recently forgot.  I got so caught up in the pain filled and dysfunctional drama that is occurring around me that I failed to give myself oxygen and I was suffocating, let me tell ya.  One week without practice....one week of slipping away from my priority...(I was committed to making my sadhanna my priority)...one week of forgetting about what is really important and allowing myself to get pulled down to the negative energy focus of the ego...one week of running around trying to meet the ego needs of others at the expense of my own...and boom...I found myself  bent over and  gasping for breath. I fell into the desire trap of wanting to change  the world when what I really need to do, all I can do really...is change myself. My practice is ll about changing myself, not others... sigh.  How quickly we forget.  Back to the drawing board. Back to working on Self. Back to God.

And where is God?

He dwells right behind your every thought. Yogananda

I need to remind myself of that, the next time I move my attention  away from the Seat of the Self. This week I was so focused on the drama around me  and that "terrible" feeling of being pulled down into someone else's darkness as I kicked and screamed, grabbing for anything I could ( except that which works...my practice). I focused on my resistance to what was as well...and it was yucky...I started saying things like "I need you to do this...I need you to stop doing that...I need things to be different than what they are." My attention and focused slipped out of my yogi center ( the Seat of Self)  and went to the mind to say, "Hey Mind...what do I do here to fix this needy thing?" Mind, of course, didn't know...it is the mixed up cause of all this disturbance yet there I was asking it to make sense of it.  It couldn't.  I really have to fire Mind's ass! 

Anyway, I am ready to go back to what is important.  I really cannot fix or save others as much as I may want to.  That is theirs's.  All I can do is stay calm and relaxed in Witness consciousness so I am there in a way that is truly helpful. 

All is well.  

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 18, 2023) Finding Your Way Back to the Beauty Within. https://tou.org/talks/

Dancing With the Sun

 When you understand that thought is the thought of the thoughtless than your singing and dancing is no more than the voice of the dharma, everyday law.  

Ram Dass

In the below podcast recorded sometime during the 70's , Ram Dass tells us it is all a big beautiful dance and that all we can really do for others, while we dance,  is to be who we are at the deepest level.  Our sadhana, our practice of getting there, to the beingness that cannot be anywhere but here or now is all that is important in regards to what we do...the rest is just stuff. We are here to serve...yes.  How do we serve people in their never ending dramas often expressed in "self-pity"? By just being...staying focused on the sun beyond the drama in ourselves and in the other. We recognize the self pity in self or in the other, observe it, examine it and then maybe even be in awe of it as just another part of that "stuff" that makes up the dance of Life. We need to work on ourselves and that is the greatest gift we can give another.  Even a mother...must prioritize working on herself.  She can do nothing of significance for her children until she is free of ego and approaching them as "being".  (That is quite an impactful thing for me to hear right now). 

He offers a Sanskrit mantra that is said to be helpful in keeping us centered  as we dance.

aditiya hridyam punyam sarv shatrus bena shenaam

This translates to: all evil ( that which blocks us from shakti/awakening) vanishes from life for he who keeps the sun in his heart.

That is pretty cool.  I want to keep the sun in my heart and my heart on the "beingness" of who I and others are.

All is well.

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now Network (Sept, 2016)  Episode 23- Shiva's Dance of Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr3zjLhSvT8&t=2636s

Taking the Wheel Back from Mind

 Either you are using your mind, or your mind is using you.

Michael A. Singer

Are you using your mind or are you being used by your mind?  Most of us are being used by our minds and have come to believe, because it is normal, it must be okay.

What are you talking about, crazy lady?

Well, most of us listen to our minds, believe what it has to say, and then proceed to follow its directions.  We do what the mind tells us to do.

Why is that not wise?

The mind is crazy, that's why.  If you take the time to step back and watch it you will see how crazy it is.  It goes on and on nonstop. Never, I mean never, does it  stop talking.  It is telling you what is good or bad, right or wrong, what should be or shouldn't be when it knows nothing.  It bases all of these judgements not on the reality of what is but on what memories it has stored in the past. It thinks it can actually control life and get it to do what it wants.  It does its best to convince you of the same with its never ending, "You gotta do this, change that, go there, avoid this, fix that etc." Not only that but it has a tendency to be very dark. 60,000 thousand thoughts a day, scientists tell us, and 80 percent of those thoughts are negative. No wonder so many of us are miserable!

The mind is a great tool...it can do great things: thinking, planning, solving problems etc but it is just a tool we are supposed to be using. It isn't supposed to be using us.  The mind isn't supposed to be telling us what to do, we are supposed to be telling it.  Imagine your body as the vehicle you have been given to drive in this existence, and the mind as a very depressed copilot that got drunk, then stung by a scorpion.  Are you going to say, "Okay...you drive. You can handle this life better than I can?" 

Well that is basically what most of us do...and how well do you think this mind drives in that condition?  Not very well.  It is all over the road, swerving here and there,  bumping into guardrails and other vehicles in its attempt drive away from this or that, hitting the ditch again and again.  How many times has it rolled? Man, it isn't fun when mind drives, is it? Most of us are  broken up, bumped and bruised as we sit in the passenger side,  our foot glued to  an imaginary brake and our white knuckles clinging to whatever we can hold.  Yet, we let it drive. And the sad thing is...Mind cannot take us to where we really want to go. It just gets us lost. Sigh!

Mind isn't supposed to be driving these cars.  We are!! We need to take the wheel back.  Though we cannot stop the copilot from talking nonstop about its negative view of life, we do not have to listen or follow its directions.  We do not have to follow its advice.  We can keep our eyes on the road in front of us, appreciating the scenery, as we relax and let go a bit into auto drive. There is a force pulling this car along. Trust it and trust yourself behind the wheel of your life. Don't let mind drive! 

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ The Temple of the Universe ( August 14, 2023) Moving Beyond the Edges of Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Learning from Hanuman

When the cloud is there I serve Ram, when the cloud is lifted I am Ram.

Hanuman from the Ramayana, as quoted by Ram Dass

Another translation:

 When I do not know who I am , I serve you. The day I realize who I am, You and I will be the same.

In Hindu (and Jain) tradition the story of Ram's most faithful servant: the Monkey God Hanuman is told in the the Ramayana. Hanuman risks his life facing demons  to find the captured wife of Ram...Sita. He does this,  and according to Ram Dass in the podcast linked below, is told by Ram he can have whatever he wants as reward. Hanuman answers "Save me, save me from the tenacles of egotism!"

What are you going on about, crazy lady?  What have monkey gods  got to do about anything that relates to me?

As I have written many times before in many different ways, if we truly want peace and happiness, fulfillment and the experience of true love in this life time, we need to serve something much deeper than ego. Hanuman represents this type of selfless service. As the true warrior of karma yoga, he serves Ram ( God) and in doing  so he serves himself.  What he is seeking more than anything else is enlightenment...to be free of the tenacles of egotism....to have the cloud removed and the duality of "You and I", "God and I" removed.  He realizes that once he is free of ego he will not only serve God, he will be merged in God. Ego is the thing that holds us back from realizing who we are. 

In Karma yoga, we serve all beings. By serving all beings we serve God, and by serving God we serve Self. Whatever we do for others, we do for God. (Whatever your concept of God entails is irrelevant, we are pointing to that which is beyond the concept. ) 

And the King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25: 40 NIV

Everyone we approach in life, should be viewed as a piece of God. We should seek the light in them beneath their bodies and their melodramas. As we look out at the world's population of beings we can train ourselves to see:

...life in a series of cloudy veils.  Ram Dass

Every individual has the light of God in them that might be  hidden beneath the cloudy veil of ego and who they think they are.  Serve that light until your veil is lifted and you can see yourself for who you really are...when we do that we will see others for who they really are beyond the veil...extensions of pure light. 

All I have to offer another human being is my own purity...my own being, and I realize the less ego there is the more I have to offer. Ram Dass

 All is well in my world. 

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now Network ( Sept, 2016) Episode 22- How May I Serve You. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr3zjLhSvT8&t=2635s

Serving the Crazy Ego? oops...lol

 There is no way anyone was ever okay by serving the ego.

Michael Singer

Why?

The ego's goal is quite explicably ego autonomy . From the beginning then its purpose is to be seperate, sufficient unto itself and independent of any power except its own. 

ACIM text: Chapter11: V:4:5 

So there is a bit of a competition going on inside you between the False  You and the Real you.

Say what, crazy lady?

Well, maybe not competition but there are two "selfs" in you .  One that is real and one that isn't.

Huh? 

Of course, all that you can be in reality, is the real you. Many great masters teach, however, that we have created this false sense of self that sits in the way of us realizing who we really are. We call this little fella "me" but it is more easy to understand as "ego".  This ego self isn't real anywhere but in the mind.

The wiser part of us, which is real,  is sitting back watching us create and do what we can to protect and maintain this ego, watching us get so identified in it we come to believe that is who we are, all we are. It watches as ego tells us to get this and get that, push this or that away...to do whatever is necessary  to strengthen it and protect the false self.   The Wiser Self knows what the ego is doing, knows  that it is looking for validation of itself from the external world; that it is trying to prove to us its reality, through other egos,  and that is why we are so concerned about what other's think. The ego is trying to deceive us into believing it is all we are. It is trying to get us to believe in the unreal. 

That is why the ego is insane: it teaches that you are not what you are. Chapter 7: III: 2-6

Wise Self is  watching us believing everything ego has to say; watching us perceiving the life and the world through its eyes; watching us following its misguided directions, and watching us suffer greatly because of it.   As we painfully scurry about in service to this mind created entity, the Wise Self/the true Self/ the Spirit/the Higher Consciousness (whatever you want to call it) sits back with its hand on its chin murmuring, "Hmm! Interesting!" 

This Wiser Self tries to get our attention every now and again though it has no intention of interfering with our "free will", just to say, "Can you see what you are doing?  Isn't it interesting?  You could experience so much bliss and love, as you are here to do, but yet you are choosing this. You are choosing to be bound and chained by something that isn't even real. So, so interesting!" The Wise Self is not judging what we are doing, it is just observing and commenting objectively on it.

All the while ego has been very busy in us, creating this thick and what it believes to be  impenetrable shield between it and Wiser Self.  It doesn't want us to be able to see the Self beneath or to hear it. It wants to be able to control us completely. Its mortal enemy is truth so it doesn't want us to have any contact with it. Wiser Self, of course, the opposite of ego, is truth.  Ego is quite a calculating, deceptive  little entity but the Wiser Self is "wise" , right?  It can see through this veil.  It can see what ego is doing and what we are doing in service of it. We cannot, however, unless we are truly willing to, see through it. The wall has to come down, the veil has to be destroyed, ego has to go if we are to see and  fall back into the Self beneath the self, into who we really are. And because this wall was created by mind...and truly only exists in mind...it has to be dismantled by mind. 

We need to examine our minds to see the ego at work.  We  also need to be willing to see the witness and then to see we have a choice about which of these entities we are going to invest our conscious awareness in.  We can continue to pretend and be delusional that we are these egoic little me's or we can be willing to work our way through the veil to see that we are that which lies beyond it. We can be nothing but what we are, reality, We must remove the veil, the mental clouds in order to see truth.  We really cannot even begin to see truth, until we see the untruth...the lies ego is responsible for.

Reality can dawn only on an unclouded mind. It is always there to be accepted, but its acceptance depends on your willingness to have it. To know reality must involve the willingness to judge unreality for what it is. ACIM Text Chapter 10: IV:2:1-3

All is well.

A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume / Foundation For Inner Peace (2007) Text

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe  ( August 13, 2023) Setting Your Pole Star Higher than the Ego. https://tou.org/talks/

Yoga Beyond the Mat

 Yoga is a journey of the self, through the self, to the Self.

The Bhagavad Gita

Another questioned answered in an imperfect way by an imperfect yogi.

All is well 

Imprisoned by Memory?

 When consciousness realizes it is bound, it yearns to be free again. It seeks to unloose itself from the cycles of the physical. It seeks to break out from the convolutions of the psychological. It seeks to return to a state it dimly remembers- a state no longer inscribed by memory, a state of free intent. It seeks to return to what it once was- a boundless, purposeless unity. 

The Teachings of Adiyoga as posted by Rapook K. Prajapat

Bound? 

Most of us are imprisoned by our psyches which are just an accumulation of memories collected over this life (and others) that we have stored within us in lieu of experiencing Life fully as it is. We have become identified with the illusion that we are seperate little me's with our likes and dislikes and we go around the world trying to manipulate and control all that is going on out there so it doesn't disturb our memories in here. We are a mess. This mess is our karmic prison.

Though we may be comfortable in our prisons and making the best of it...something within us longs to be free.

"Whether your freedom is taken away by a prison, by your own samskaras, or by genetic or evolutionary memory doesn't really matter. Either way, you will find after a while that your life will be permeated by unexplained suffering. You will not know why, but your entire existence will be stifling, repetitive, constraining." Sadhguru, page 64

Everytime we feel the pain of a samskara emerging because of some reaction we are having to to life circumstance is a time to remember this. Samskaras remind us that we are shaped by memory on levels we aren't even aware of...but..." something within a human being deeply resents the loss of freedom." Sadhguru page 63. We long to be free. And we can be.  We can transcend our karma. 

Singer reminds us of that in the below video "Everyone is capable of being unconditionally okay all of the time." 

We do not need to live like trapped little me's in our mind  made prisons. We can free ourselves by realizing and living as  who we really are ... Life itself. 

All is well in my world. 

Rapook K. Prajapat/ Thought Island. (n.d.) Excerpts from Adiyogi-The Source of Yoga

Michael A. Singer ( August 10, 2023) Letting Go: The Path to Unconditional Well-Being. https://tou.org/talks/

Sadhguru (2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

On Accepting Life's Challenges

 So it is not the physical situation that causes misery. It is the way you react to it. Your karma is not in what is happening to you; your karma is in the way you respond to what is happening to you. 

Sadhguru, Karma: a Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny, (Harmony Books; 2021), page 38

All is well!

The Karmic Effect of Belief

 You can't escape from a prison until you recognize you are in one. People who have chosen to live within the limits of their old beliefs continue to have the same experiences. It takes effort and commitment to break old patterns. 

Bob Proctor

What shapes our volition(will and intention) and therefore our karma (how we approach Life and how Life approaches us)?  I believe the key factor that determines how we live  is our  belief.

Belief? 

Our ideologies, our conditioning, our views all stem from core belief's.  What we have learned and stored in our psyches to create this idea of "me", can often be traced back to a few core beliefs. These beliefs are often stored so deeply into our subconscious we may not even be consciously aware they are there, yet they form the foundation for most of our samskaras, our habit tendencies, our dislikes and likes, our volition, our response or reaction to life circumstances  and our karma. 

Identification 

The thing that makes these beliefs so tenacious and powerful is our identification with their message.  For example, if I, for whatever reason have come to believe that I was "bad" and  deserving of punishment as a child,  I will likely identify as a "bad person" as an adult.  It will become who I am at the deepest "personal" level. The habit tendency to get lost in destructive thinking and acting may become strong as I live out a self fulfilling prophecy from within. A "bad person" is who I will become in my psyche's view of self.  I will feel, think and act as a "bad person". Life will then continue to provide evidence that I am a "bad person" : being told such by different people, labelled as such by society, punished as such etc... Depending on how deeply conditioned this idea is, even if I clean up my exterior self ...the self I show to others...inside, I will still feel and think like a "bad person".  I may truly believe that I do not deserve other people's trust or confidence, that I am going to hurt etc. I may punish myself with self destructive behaviours. Regardless, I will endure the karmic consequence of suffering. 

Separate Individual?  

Now, this core belief that I am a "bad person" stems from an even bigger and more deeply ingrained belief that "I am a person". 

Huh?

This collectively ingrained belief that we are separate individuals is the source of our volition, according to Sadhguru in, Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting  Your Destiny. 

...it is your identification with your individuality that determines your volition....If you were not identified with this sense of separateness, you would not be accumulating karma.  Page 31

Why is that belief such a problem for us?  Well as long as we see ourselves as seperate little entities we engage with the world selectively rather than exclusively.  Instead of embracing all that is, as it is, we select what and whom we let into our experience and what we don't.  We get consumed by likes and dislikes. It is the identification with our desires that cause our problems with karma. We are either in hot pursuit of them or denying them. 

The problem is that people have forgotten how to be inclusively involved with life. Since there involvement is selective, they fall into the trap of entanglement.  They either engage with life selectively, on the basis of their likes or dislikes, or opt for life-sapping philosophies of denial or detachment. In both cases, karma only multiplies. Page 33

(Sadhguru has a lot to say about the way we "misconstrued" the idea of desirelessness....thinking it means to renounce all desire which he says is impossible to do as a human, without accumulating even more karma.) 

The thing is, in regard to belief, is that we are not what we think we are.  We are so much more.  We do not have to suffer the karmic consequences of getting tangled up in these limiting beliefs that keep us from knowing who we are.  We have a choice. We can become more aware of the mess we have inside us and see how it is effecting us karmically.  Karma is our doing!  We can examine what types of beliefs we are storing and we can do our best to dismantle them as we release our samskaras and open up fully to Life. With conscious awareness we can be free of suffering. 

your karma cannot turn into suffering without your cooperation. Once you are aware, there is an end to suffering page 42

All is well!

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: a Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

The Road to Hell

 The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Unknown

I am going to challenge that cliche with what I am learning about karma. 

First of all, let's look at Hell in a non-traditional way. Let's look at it as the symbol of the consequence received for unwholesome actions, the effect of unhealthy causes.  Let's look at is as the intense  suffering we endure because of the choices we make that don't honor these lives we are living now and see it , not as an actual  place we may go to after we leave these incarnations, but what is also happening as we live and breathe in these bodies. Let's look at the Hell on earth, and lets look at it in terms of Karma. 

And though we are striving to someday be  non-dualistic in our view of all that is, we are going to use the dualistic term of "good" that is so important in this cliche, to represent anything that is wholesome, healthy, or  skillful. Okay? 

So is the road to Hell (to karmic suffering) paved with good intentions? In other words ...are wholesome  intentions useless in keeping us from suffering the consequences of our actions?  

No.  We need to remember that....although karma denotes action of body, mind, and energy, it is not about action alone...karma is much more fundamentally about volition.  page 26-27. 

 Intention (another name for volition)  is far from inconsequential. It is essential in determining  if you are experiencing a hell on earth or a heaven on earth. It determines your degree of suffering. 

Our western society tends to minimize the importance of intention. We tend to  praise or punish the result of action more than we do the motivating factor beneath the action.  We are ingrained to believe it isn't so important to know why we do or don't do something, as long as we do or don't get it done. Intention then is useless, the finished action is everything.

The law of karma as explained by Sadhguru, however,  states that the reason why you do something  is even more important than what you actually end up doing.  If intentions are good(wholesome, intended in  service to all, coming from a loving heart) they will take us to heaven ( peace, joy and bliss) and away from suffering. If intentions, on the other hand,  are wrought with ill will towards self or another, motivated by selfish greed, or dishonesty,  they will lead to hell. 

It doesn't matter so much how your actions turn out, as does  the volition beneath the action. For example we may be conditioned to believe that taking another's life is a sin...and a sure ticket to Hell (both in this life and in the  afterlife). We accumulate karma with both.  The mother who instinctively kills an intruder to protect the child the intruder is after out of love and instinct, however,  is not accumulating as much karma (closer to hell), as would the person who spends years  meticulously planning on killing his wife because he hates her and he wants her inheritance, even if he doesn't follow through with the act.  Love is a healthy ,wholesome, and skillful  volition when it comes to karma.  Hate and selfish greed isn't.  The mother had "good" intentions and though she committed an act of murder that she will no doubt suffer internally for, she is not heading to hell (accumulating a lot of karmic consequence...i.e. will likely not be punished legally) . The man who, though he did not commit the actual act physically, committed murder a 1000 times in his head had "bad intentions" and intentions like this are what paves the road to hell. It is also important to note that  how our plans or actions physically turn out, how they are received by another,  is not as important as the mental and emotional motivation beneath them. 

How the recipient of your hatred reacts is not the point. The accumulation of karma is determined by your intention, not merely by its impact on someone else. page 27 

Karma is an inside game, an internal one. When we do injustice to another we hurt ourselves more than we hurt them.  The intruder in the above scenario is killed by the protective mother, therefore released of a certain karma he was carrying and the wife is not harmed by the hateful, greedy husband yet to follow through with his plans. He, however, is inflicting great internal suffering on himself whether he knows it or not. 

...allowing the bitterness to grow and multiply within has even deeper internal consequences. Intention motivated by a personal agenda always accrues more karma...page 28

And what about the  moral, law abiding citizen who puts everyone's needs above their own but at the same time are lost in self hatred and condemnation, constantly berating themselves.  They are not hurting anyone or outwardly hurting themselves even,  yet they are creating a hell on earth for themselves.  They are accumulating great karma which manifests as the consequence of depression. 

if you perform only negative mental karma, there may be no external consequence, but you experience a deeper level of internal suffering. page 28

Though we are taught, in western culture, that the bad things we do may need to be punished with hell fire in the afterlife and suffering here on earth, and though we may come to understand karma in terms of how close we are to that hellish punishment ...the karmic consequence is not a punishment...it is just Life working itself out through us.  Life is not sitting behind a big courtroom bench with a gavel in its hand saying..."Okay that was "bad" and it  brings you a few steps closer to hell...and that was good...and that brings you a few steps closer to heaven".   Life is just doing what Life does. Ultimately life is neither suffering or bliss. It is what you want it to be. It has no inherent quality. page 34 

Life doesn't care about your personal karma...it just has to flow and find its way around  and through us in anyway it can.  If we are closed up in suffering, it has to push through us and that hurts (Hell).  If we are open in our love and freedom...it flows much easier through us.  And we suffer less.(Heaven) . Life doesn't care. You, on the other hand, do.  Whether you allow yourself to be consciously aware of it or not...you know what will close you and what will open you in terms of body, mind and energy action. You know what will create suffering and what won't.    You know what will take you to karmic freedom and what will take you to karmic prison .  What will take you to heaven and what will take you to hell: Your Intention!!!

I would like to rework the above cliche now:

The road to hell is paved with unwholesome, Self/God/Life - denying intention. And the road to Heaven is paved with Love. 

Yeah...you may have some work to do to get rid of the  negative habits of intending wrongly you have accumulated...you may have to do the work of becoming more aware and conscious of these habits...you may need to commit to intending  differently from an open heart of Love, here on in.  But would you not rather be paving the road to heaven than the road to hell? It can be done.

All is well. 

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

Will and Intention to Make Life an Expression of Bliss

 The ability and willingness to change is at the heart of all spirituality.

Michael A. Singer

I would like to talk about volition today, or, more exactly, the  intention and willingness to change for the better. Why do I want to talk about this?  Well serendipity again has led me to a topic.  Last night I read chapter two of Karma: A Yogis Guide to Crafting Your Destiny and went to bed thinking and dreaming of will and intention. Then I wake up this morning to Michael Singer's, Temple of the Universe Talk, entitled, The Willingness to Change. Could I write about anything else, lol?

Anyway, I digress...

Do You Want to Change? 

Are you willing to change?  Or are you determined to keep things as they are in your life because they suit you or are, at least, comfortably familiar and safe? Maybe you are afraid of change? Maybe you want change but feel it isn't your responsibility? Maybe you still cling to the notion that others and situations have to change "out there" for your life to be better? Maybe you are just too tired or overwhelmed to do the work of changing? I understand all that, I do.  I spent most of my life in 'stuck mode' because of those rationalizations. Not anymore. Life slapped me across the face and said, "Wake up! Things really need to change!" 

I want change.  Man I want change.  I want this life I am living to be different and the only way it is going to be different is if I change myself! So I am working on changing my inner world. I am trying to clean up the mess I made of my body, mind and energies. I devote myself now to being a yogi. A yogi is devoted to changing from the inside out.

Working Out Karma

Though I spent most of life so far believing I was a victim or a villain,  assuming I was being punished by some outside force, I now see completely that  life is an internal game, as is change. I am working towards understanding and releasing all those samskaras that are blocking the flow of pure energy within me and that are somehow determining the quality of the life I am living. I am attempting to work out my karma.

What does "working out karma mean"? It means that the play of your life is happening according to your tendencies, not according to some system of right or wrong. Your life simply organizes itself to fulfill your inclinations. Karma is not a punishment or reward; it is just the process by which Life tries to fulfill itself. page 29

Life is trying to fulfill itself through this body, mind and energies but I keep blocking it, stopping it from doing so because of these patterns and tendencies I developed and slapped a label of "me, my and mine" on. Life is trying to pour through "me". Shakti, prana, essence, soul, Atman, Self...whatever way we describe it...cannot flow through if this "me" is standing in the way with all its clinging and pushing away. We can resist and block the flow of Life with our bodies ( through action) but we can also block it with our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, ideas of who we are as separate little entities etc. We can block with our intentions. Infact, our intentions and our volitions have more to do with what we "get from life", in terms of consequences,  than our physical actions do. When we judge, right or wrong, good or bad, should be or shouldn't be,  and select what comes into our "experience" and what doesn't...we are resisting the fullness of Life; we are blocking, we are screwing up our internal energies, and we are creating karma.  We are making a mess of our lives here. 

It doesn't have to be this way.  It doesn't.  We can clean up the mess.  We can heal. We can grow. We can find peace, joy and love within us.  We can change the direction our karma is taking us.

How?

The first and most important thing is to be willing to change. We all have a will within us, the ability to make choices . We need to stop using that will to feed this idea of "me". We need to start using  that will for our freedom? 

What determines  our willingness, intention or volition to live a certain way?

Most of us use our will in the service of the human part of us rather than the "being" part of us. (Singer) 

...volition is shaped fundamentally by your belief that you are a seperate being - an individual....If you were not identified with this sense of separateness you would not be accumulating karma. Sadhguru, page 31

This determines how we  see ourselves and thusly how we interact with the world around us.

The endless oscillation between likes and dislike, attraction and aversion, further hardens their[most people's] sense of serratedness. Overtime likes and dislikes freeze into a personality and produce more karma. Individuality now becomes a prison rather than a privilege. Sadhguru, page 31

Your mind...is convinced it is a limited entity. Therefore any volition based on this limited understanding goes against the fundamental design of the source of creation. Any action that is impelled by such shortsighted and narrow volition invariably means karma. Or in other words,  more compulsive existence. Sadhguru, page 32

We will remain stuck in our "me-ness" with all its habitual and Self/God- denying tendencies until we start seeing that "me" is just a thing we made up. Until we realize we are in a self-created prison and start looking for our way out, for liberation and freedom,  we are not using our will for the best purpose and will continue to act out our tendencies, continue to collect karma. That slap across the face I got from Life woke me up to the fact that I was locked up in a compulsive way of existing.  I then made it a point to use my will, not to keep me stuck, but for freedom.  Only when I am free will I be able to go back to free others. 

What is it we are to be willing to do then, crazy lady?

We must be willing to see, first of all that what we have been doing doesn't work and that we got ourselves stuck in this painful way of existing. We have created our own Karma with the identifications with our actions, our stinking thinking, our emotions, our preferences etc.  We then must be willing to see that it is we who put the bars up and we that are the ones that can get through them.  We must be willing to step beyond the familiar and into the unfamiliar, which can be scary. Our fear  may tempt us to want to retreat back into the habit of resisting Life. Singer reminds us that it is here where we must be willing to persevere... to stay open, to surrender to what is. Change, he reminds us, takes place through surrender.  

Surrender? What are we surrendering?

We surrender this identification we have with "me", this idea of separateness and fall back into the wise Self beyond that veil of "me" we built. From there we surrender this idea that Life should be accommodating this "me" and all its likes and dislikes. We realize that Life has its own agenda and we are simply here to experience it, not control it. Instead of resisting and closing up to any of it...we stay open allowing it all in, appreciating it, honoring it, experiencing it fully before it passes through. 

If we want to change our lives, change the direction our karma is taking us...we must be willing to surrender and let go of "me". 

Every moment you have the right to grow, you have the right to get closer to God by releasing yourself. Michael Singer 

When your actions are no longer about you, when they are simply based on the demands of the situation, when narrow self interest no longer fuels your violation, you have reached the end of karmic production. Your liberation is assured. Sadhguru, page 33

Once this is accomplished, your life becomes an expression of bliss, not a pursuit of it.  Sadhguru, page 31 

Sadhguru (2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

Michael A. Singer ( August 7, 2023) The Willingness to Change. https://tou.org/talks/

Note: I am not sure if Sadhguru wrote this book himself or if he used a ghost writer ( maybe one of his 'volunteers') but I think the  the writing is excellent! Just had to say that. 

Karma: The Blue Print for the Life You Have Created.

 Karma simply means we have created the blue print for our life. It means we are the makers of our own fate...It makes each one of us squarely responsible for our own destinies and, above all, the nature of our experience of life. 

Sadhguru, Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny, page 8

I have only finished the first chapter and I already have a better understanding of karma than I did.  I can tie it into what I know and often write about samskaras. It is so cool.

Karma is basically the result of all our accumulated actions on the body, mind and energy level. We, since the time we are born, take on these sense impressions and these impressions settle into our minds, bodies and energies creating certain patterns ( pleasant, unpleasant, neutral? ). The patterns shape themselves into behavioural tendencies ( habits- certain choices, physical actions, preferences, thoughts, feelings, openings and closings?). A cluster of these tendencies hardens over time into what you call your personality, or what you claim to be your true nature. (page 9) This then shapes the way we experience the world around us.  Our karma then is basically the result or effects  of our individual psyches ( minds, egos, sense of "me-ness").  It is basically all we spoke about so far but now we are going to call it "karma."

Things we need to know about this habitual  way of experiencing life is that it is unconscious, compulsive,  cyclical, tenacious,  individually distinctive, attractive to certain energies, and above all else,  it is changeable! 

Huh?

Karma is unconscious.  

We did not collect our impressions, patterns, tendencies and therefore specific life circumstances consciously. We were not aware of what we were doing and how we were reacting to external stimuli, how we were storing our emotional experiences, how we were blocking our energies and behaving accordingly, how we were building our psyches. As humans, we often look to the outside world as  the cause and solution for what we are experiencing. We are seldom aware that we are even responsible for what we got going on inside of us, let alone what is going on in front of us.

Like so many people, you probably don't know why certain situations keep  recurring in your inner and outer  life.  This is because these patterns are unconscious. As time goes on, you turn into a puppet of your accumulated past. page 10

The unconscious mind is therefore a tremendous library of karmic memory. You would find this useful  if you were approaching it consciously. The problem is it manifest all the time, without your permission! You feel like one big mess because you are punching your psychological key board randomly all the time. page 12

Karma is compulsive

Most of the decisions we make to  act a certain way  are a result of  the internal compulsive pull of karma.  It is a result of unconscious habit more so  than conscious action. 

Karma  is cyclical

Sadhguru teaches that karmic information  is encoded into certain cycles. The longer we stay in a cycle the more balanced we become and the more blessed our life experience will seem to be. That cycle we strive for is the  longest  cycle, the solar cycle of 4, 356 days ( 12 years).  (certainly not the karmic cycle I am in lol). If our life runs in cycles lasting only 3-6 months we are said to be in a state of psychological imbalance (:(...probably mine) and if our cycles are lunar and only lasting 28 days we are mentally ill ( my loved ones?) 

With yogic practice, your goal is to move toward the solar cycle so your balance and stability are assured....You no longer wear your karma like a skin-tight garment; you wear it loosely.  You hold it at a distance. page 15

Karma is tenacious

Karma sticks to us and follows us from life to another.  We may die but karma doesn't. If we die before we resolve the internal mess in this existence...that mess goes on. 

You could meet with an accident and die, but your karma is not destroyed. You could break your head and blow all your brains out, but the karma continues! page 15

Karma is individually Distinctive 

Ever wonder why our life situations are so different? The karmic memory in you is totally different than the karmic memory in me.  You did not experience what I experienced.  Did not sense what I sensed. Did not perceive, interpret, label or judge in the way I did.  You stored different junk ( samskaras) than I did.  You like different things than I like.  You may hate other things I love. You make different choices than I make. Therefore your karma differs from mine. You have your own smell and that smell attracts different energies to you than what my smell  attracts to me.

Smell?

Karma is attractive to certain energies 

Sadhguru also describes the vasana our karmic energies emit. Vasana? This sanskrit word can be translated as "smell,"

This smell is generated by a vast accumulation of impressions caused by your physical, mental, emotional and energy actions. Depending on the smell you emit, you attract certain types of life situations to yourself. page 17

I am sniffing under my arm pits right now, wondering if I stink? But he assures us this vasana, this smell, has nothing to do with odor our bodies may emit or breathe in. How rotten are you "in there"? Depending on our vasana we will pull in certain energies.  We need to remove good and bad from our dualistic tendencies, but it may be useful to use them here just to make a point.  If we think "bad", (less than positive, life -affirming)   thoughts based on deeply stored unwholesome beliefs ...guess what happens? We tend to experience "bad" things.  If we feel "good", (higher energy feelings)...we tend to draw in pleasant things.  Do we not? If we do "bad" or unwholesome  things, we tend to suffer in the long run.  If we offer loving "goodness" to the world, we tend to feel "good". Right? What we have stored in the body, mind and energy, what decisions we make in these three areas based on that,  gives off a smell into the universe, like a flower with a certain fragrance. We, as a result,  draw those things to us that are attracted to that fragrance and we unknowingly push away those things that are repulsed by it. What Life gives us, is at least partly influenced by our karma.

One thing we try to change with yoga...is the type of fragrance you throw out into the world. page 21

Karma is changeable

Though we may not be able to change the past actions or change external events we can change what is going on inside us now so karma is different, so the smell we throw out into the world is different, so our experience of Life is different.  We do not need to stay in these old habitual ways of living life. We can break these internal and external patterns. How? By becoming more conscious! 

With a little more awareness every human being can begin to transform habit into choice, compulsion into consciousness. page 21

Wow!  I am impressed by this book so far. Why? Because I am learning from it in a way that resonates with everything inside me.

All is well!

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books