Grateful for Surrender and Wisdom

 I am so grateful that surrender has taught me to willingly participate in Life's dance with a quiet mind and an open heart.

Michael Singer

The sun is creeping over the naked branches and frosty earth and into my window.  It is such an amazing light on this last day of November...an aged light full of earned wisdom, represented by a cooled approach to everything...detached maybe...but not without respect or gratitude.  I sense this lovely acceptance and appreciation for what is in the light. Hmm! 

I didn't go in today.  I see the need for replacement and a part of me so wants to go in, not only out of obligation and a sincere desire to serve, but also because I love it. I see what Michael Singer was talking about...how we should  not make work an opportunity to get something for "me", but a learning  tool to help us get  rid of "me".  I am actually getting rid of "me".  When I "do" this, what I have chosen to do, without "me" in the way...it is such a brilliant experience.  I feel the "flow" .  It all comes out naturally because there is no worry about, "Will they like me? Or how will it work for "me"...what will this "me" get from this experience etc." There is just this wonderful flow of giving and seeing and accepting and allowing and being and "doing" what needs to be done in the moment as best as this mind and body can. And it is an amazing experience.  It really is.  So I do like this!  I do want to continue to  "work" and serve and help out when I can in this way...but...

I also have to serve my body and mind, if not this notion of "me".  My ticker really is tired...and it wants me to slow down.   It took me so long to get to the point where I felt I could "do" what I could  and accept what I couldn't.  It took  me so long to get to the point of accepting that I might never be validated for what is going on in my body and to make life changes regardless. It took me so long to find peace  in that and to value my own "knowing". Yoga, meditation, mindfulness and making my own real healing priority took me leaps and bounds...and I am so much better on a holistic level than I was a decade ago. I am so grateful for that. The work I did, however, did not change what was going on physically within this body. Not completely, anyway. 

From day one of symptoms my goal was to stop my heart from failing too soon. I knew that eventually it would tire out. So I pushed for answers...I acted out of fear and desperation up to a point. There was so much dismissal and shaming.  I reacted to the shaming but still I pushed...much more timidly and with great confusion...but I pushed. The pushing for an external answer did not help me in the long run. It led to assumption and judgements that not only took me away from an answer but made my life situation so much more challenging than it should ever be.  I reached a point where I realized I had to let go and I did.  There was so much healing in that letting go. I learned to rise above my symptoms, (accepting, at the same time, that I knew what I knew). Then I reached a point where  both my humanness and my spirituality wanted to be served.  An opportunity came to my awareness that would do both...and when I accepted the challenge... a certain wonderful energy replaced the "me"  and shooed it away. 

So it isn't the me" with  its petty need for secondary gain saying that my heart is tired.  It is the inner wisdom. And, ironically,  just as the inner wisdom shines, external validation for what I always knew to be true is coming into the light as well. Go figure.

So I will honor this amazing body that does so much and rest today. I will give it what it needs.

I hope that you will listen to your body and your own inner wisdom as well...and make the choices that are best for you.

All is well! 

Always Conscious

 You're always conscious. You have been conscious from the beginning. You are aware of whatever you focus on, internally or externally. Who are you? Who is that consciously aware entity inside?

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 10 ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True; 2022)

You are the Subject; Not the Object

 Who sees when I see? Who hears when I hear? Who feels when I feel? 

Ramana Maharishi

I am reviewing Chapter 2 now of living untethered. There is a common human  dilemma discussed here, a question asked: "Who are you?"  Many of us are so busy searching for ourselves, we do not see that we are the Self we are looking for. We spend a great deal of our Life energy  trying  to identify and express our roles, our gender, our ethnicity, our status etc...that we fail to tap into and recognize who we actually are. We mix our own subjective awareness up with that which we are observing. We are not the body, so how can we be the gender or ethnicity we work so hard to express because of this body/mind?  We are not what we do...so how can we be the role or the status we obtain or fail to obtain from the roles we take on? 

Your body has an age and your body has a gender, but those concepts are irrelevant to one that notices the body....Your skin may be a certain color , but the consciousness that notices this has no color at all. You are not your body.  You are the one that notices the characteristics of your body.  You are the conscious awareness within that is looking at all this...who you thought you were is not who you are. The same inner being is looking at your body, your house, your car.  You are the subject; all the rest are objects of consciousness. 

Michael Singer, page 9

Wow!  That is a little mind blowing, wouldn't you say?

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered.  New Harbinger/ Sounds True.

Another Thing You See

 You in there who "sees" did not change; what you were looking at changed. Your body is just another thing you see. The question remains: Who is in there doing the seeing? 

Michael A Singer, living untethered, page 5 ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

A lovely late November sun is shining in on me.  There remains a light dusting of snow and ice over the landscape and the sky is  on the verge of more, it seems. I love that light that is escaping through the dark clouds!! I feel content in this house, in desperate need of a good cleaning, as I sit here, in my Pj's,  with my tea and my words. Sigh! 

Seeing the Body

I am aware of my body, watching it as if from a distance. It  is still talking to me a lot throughout the day. The pain in the upper left side has returned...man, I cannot help but believe it is splenic despite what tests show and others say. I am falling asleep everywhere and the palpitations are still making themselves known as I adjust to this new adventure that requires a level of physicality I have yet to get used to ( stairs!!) That big blob in my left visual field keeps coming and going...so annoying, even if I know it is benign. Still have the cramping in the left lower quadrant...Yeah my body is noisy and demanding I pay attention to it. And it is all good.  I see my body and I ask "Who is in there doing the seeing?" 

More and more I see how I am not this body, that it is simply a part of my experience here. Less and less, it is the self righteous, scared "little me" doing the watching. It is the  It is the Deeper I that watches and with that there is an acceptance in me right now that is so beautiful. When I look back at my experiences this week I see how much I truly am growing away from the "me-ness" of things.  I am naturally letting go of anxieties and worries and worldly concerns as I open up more and more to what is.  I see how it truly isn't about "me"! And how much " me" can get in the way. I am letting go of me. Sigh! 

It is all so good. 

How are you doing in there?

 ...what really matters is not the thoughts, the emotions, nor the outside world.  What really matters is You in there, who is experiencing these things. How are you doing? What you will see is that you in there is higher than any experience  you've ever had. The one who is seeing all this is the most beautiful thing in the whole universe.  If you ever find your way  back to the Seat of Self, that's what you are going to discover. 

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 35( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

It is so, so easy to forget the truth in these wise words, to get swept along by the momentum of thought and emotion and the pull of the outside world.  I find myself there on this new adventure, neglecting my body, pushing it a bit too hard again to "prove myself" maybe?....That is a sign that thought, feeling and  attachment external 'stuff' are  running the show again.  Hmm! Need to find the balance, need to find the balance. What about you?  

All is well.

Acceptance and Resistance

 Resistance creates tension and anxiety, and it makes life a burden....Only by accepting reality can we work with the flow of Life as it passes by and create a better world...Acceptance is best understood as nonresistance to reality.

Michael Singer, living untethered ( New Harbinger/Sounds True 2022), page 3

So we will begin looking at the wisdom in this amazing book a little more deeply.  I have read it and underlined the points that hit me and I would now like to share. I teach so I learn, I learn so I teach.

All is well

Committed?

 ...most of your thoughts and emotions [and even, bodily symptoms] are created by the blockages you have stored inside. These blockages are yours, and you can let them go anytime you want. Once again, the problem is that once they were stored with pain, they are going to release with pain.  That is where the depth of commitment comes in. Do you want to be free to live a deep, beautiful life more than you want to avoid discomfort?

Michael Singer, living untethered, (2022, New Harbinger/Sounds True), page 185

Well I may be getting to one of the many roots as to why I have been feeling the way I have been feeling lately.  I did not do so well on my stress test yesterday, got stopped a few minutes in.  I mean I had a very mild form of the usual I get on exertion: SOB, pressure in the center of my chest, fatigue, and light headedness...nothing to really complain about.  The palpitations and the sense that my heart was going to come through my chest was intense...but that does get intense all the time, with stress and exertion. It is such a part of my life now.  Most times I don't pay much heed to it ...but this time, I really  felt it ...was so aware of the exact moment when it went away, like a big weight being lifted from my chest. I was asking myself when I was siting there after they stopped the test, "Are these palpitations or just a normal part of being me?" Then...just like that...they stopped...and I knew, "Yep...palpitations and they are a part of being me!" It was like in that moment, when they stopped, I knew that all along, over all these years, my symptoms were very, very real, whether people called me a liar or dismissed my complaints or not. It was very validating, even before I was told of the results and the concerns. I was told it is likely the valve and I am not getting enough O2 to cardiac tissue. I was told years ago, by more than one specialist, that a valve replacement or repair was in my future, likely in my 60's. Well, I am almost 60. I know that is partially it but there are those darn spasms too that come in clusters as they did in May. And there is this run away train in my chest as well that will occasionally go off the tracks. Regardless, there is a reason why I feel tired and "off" some days. And that is okay.

Anyway, this explains the physical but there is the emotional and psychological and spiritual roots to why I have been feeling the way I have been feeling, to consider as well. Those old samskaras are being triggered by life events and old ways of attempting to distract, suppress and repress are not going to work for me anymore.  Whatever is inside me is determined to come through, with or without my cooperation. :) I am committed to freeing myself from them! The process of doing so is not a whole lot of fun right now lol. 

So that was a lot of sharing of the "personal" again when I am trying so intensely to let go of "me" all together. It is a process.  And I will get there.  Yet, maybe you too are struggling to get above and beyond the "personal". Maybe by hearing about this experience from another, you will realize you are not alone. The personal can be transmuted to the interpersonal. Hmm!

Let's dig up our roots and bring them to the surface, not with a hoe or a shovel, but with a willingness to accept and allow the discomfort required to be free. 

All is well.

Motive

 Your underlying motive can't ever be about you. It has to be about serving what's happening in front of you. To the absolute best of your ability, you always serve life as it unfolds before you.

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, (2022, New Harbinger/Sounds True) , page 173.

Hmm! Some inner truths want to make themselves known to me and they are triggering samskaras, some old hidden emotional energies as they come to my awareness. It is like I am tripping off shame mines, as I walk along this new path,  because I cannot see where they are hidden. Mistakes, I make as I "learn" how to do this new thing I am doing,( ...the new work experience as well as the new approach I am wanting to take to Life) is bringing up some old stuffed and forgotten shame. So I have been feeling shame.  Of course, I am not saying that it is justified to ever feel shame but there shame is, in one big explosion, blown to the surface, making itself known.  It is sooo uncomfortable. I want to push it down again.  I want to distract from it. I want it to go away! What I am learning, however,  is that shame, like all our emotions,  is better on the surface than stuffed or hidden inside. I want to allow this emotional energy to just be so it comes out of me and stays out of me. I begin by understanding the trigger.

My motive was about "me"

This new adventure I am on in the physical world was only supposed to be partially about "me"...this body and mind. I had some external world needs that I was hoping would be served , for sure, but my personal needs were meant to be in the  back seat, not driving this vehicle. But man they took over in a way I never thought they would. I forgot why I as doing what I was doing...both in my so called "assertion" for the rights of "me" and my approach to the work I have been doing. I, as "me", got in the way! Now I do feel shame for that. ( Trying not to judge the emotion...just experience it.) and I feel shame because this shame brought up old shame, as irrational as that may be.  

Before I recommit to serving life as it unfolds in front of me,  I have to serve the unfolding of this  shame samskara...so I can let go and refocus until my motive is about serving Life and not about "me".

All is well. 

First Snow

 When snow falls, nature listens.

A. Van Kleef

We had our first snow and it was so lovely.  A fresh white blanket of pure innocence is covering that which may be hard to look at...the browning decay of late Autumn. It is like  painting over walls, made dingy with age, with fresh white paint...everything becomes bright and new and clean looking...even though that dinginess is still there. I am not meaning to say that the transition of Autumn is "dingy and should be covered over"... by no menas...it is just as beautiful in its transition as the transition from winter  to spring is.  Anyway, I am rambling.  Looking after my grandson on Thursdays until my daughter finds childcare.  Looking forward to it. Will be busy.

Hours later: He is sleeping. My croaky version of Too-Ra-Loo-Ra is like a sleeping pill to my grandchildren. Maybe they just slip into sleep to escape the pain lol.  But anyway.

I discovered the reason for my "offness" two days ago.  Not saying I didn't pick up the heavy, emotional energy around me, but I also forgot to take my meds two days in a row, when I probably needed them more than ever! Because I have been much more physical, coupled with the eustress of new beginnings, my ticker was tired.  If my ticker gets tired, my brain gets tired and if my brain gets tired ...my mind just does its own thing. 

Anyway, it is all good.

Empathy to an Empathic

 Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, hearing with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.

Alfred Adler

Empathic Versus Empathetic

Something happened yesterday which I  believe was a legitimate empathic experience.  I know, I know...it does sound so woo-woo, even for me who attempts to eliminate the woo-woo from mostly everything. I have to remind myself that an empath is just someone with a strong sense of empathy and sensitivity towards the emotions of others.  And emotion, whether we see it as woo woo or not, like all phenomena, is just an energetic vibration. I just cannot explain what I was feeling  by anything other than..."it wasn't mine!"

 I walked into the experience excited about what lay ahead but within ten minutes, in a certain environment,  I noticed that I was feeling strange and that strange little frustrating events were happening:  like not being able to get into a computer after several attempts , leaving my lunch behind, not being able to follow clearly written and verbal  instructions (which is never usually a problem for me).  I felt "off" almost immediately.  I sensed that the people I was dealing with were vulnerable and  required a special approach. I was sooo aware of their body language, the nuances in their voices, the walls of protection around them.  Something within me said, " give them room, approach gently when necessary and be ready to pull back as soon as you see they need those walls again. Don't push or over prompt.  They do not know you.  They do not trust you...tread carefully so as not to close them down." And I could sense that the friendliness I was receiving from some individuals would not translate in the same way outside of my presence. The whole time I had this desire to do things right, appear a certain way, please for two reasons: for a sense of belonging and for a fear of getting in trouble. I was unsure of myself and my mind.  I felt like I was going to get in trouble, do something stupid that I didn't mean to do and that someone was going to be mad at me for it! I have not felt like that in a long, long time. I felt confused about what I should do and how I should act.  I found myself sitting in my chair shuffling papers, again and again.  I was aware of myself doing so and found myself thinking, "Look at me shuffling these papers repeatedly...I don't do this...but I keep coming back to this activity! Over and over."  And my head was soo foggy and I am usually a clear thinker. I just felt so off!!

I kept telling myself this was a wonderful opportunity to open and release some of that stuff in me.  Told myself it might just be memory triggering some old samskaras etc or sleep dep and to be honest ...my body is starting to resist the working again ( I have to be careful to find a balance that honors body and mind as much as it honors my desire to serve). But I could not get past that sense of heaviness, confusion, sadness, fear ( mild forms), and a lack of  esteem and safety for myself or others that crept up over me. 

This feeling stuck to me until I finished documenting , objectively, the day's events for the benefit of one and because I could not access the computer even after several, several attempts,  that seemed to take forever...repeated trials and errors or getting pulled away ( of course, it was done on my own time.) Then it released some...I retreated to the couch...I was so physically drained by the experience I could not stay awake in the evening but at one point, instead of going to bed...I found myself staring at the TV screen in a way I don't normally do. Just standing there staring at it for 40 minutes. I caught myself and it was like WTFork?

I woke up in the middle of the night with this intense feeling that I screwed up and that I was going to get in trouble for it! I felt this "You should be ashamed of yourself!" Ashamed of myself for what? Whatever I did wrong yesterday certainly did not deserve that degree of self- shaming and self-punishment. But I was overwhelmed by it. 

It was a very bizarre experience and I fear that I actually soaked up and took on the combined emotional energy and mental confusion of those lovely people that frequent that environment.

Whatever it was, it was  super draining and I couldn't go in today even though there was an assignment that appealed to me and my experience.

Wow! Thought I would share.

All is well. 

Appreciating All Experiences

 You should be able to look back at your past and say, "Thank you." It doesn't matter what happened.  Remember, every moment there are trillions and trillions of things going on in the universe, but you only get to experience one. How can you not appreciate the one you got to see?  Michael Singer, living untethered (Harbinger/Sounds True: 2022), page 165

There is nothing richer than a fully processed experience integrated into your whole being. page 163

All is well

November

 How sad would be November, if we had no knowledge of the spring.

Edwin Way Teale

It is raining out there, a cool November rain.  The skies are grey and swollen with anticipatory grief, maybe, as death reminds us it is coming. With barely a leaf left clinging to their branches, trees reach up pleading to some unseen force for the return of their lost children. The whole world stops to listen. For now there is no wind.  Everything is still against a browning landscape. And it is quiet...so quiet out there.  The bird song of spring is being replaced by the solemn respect for the mourning. 

Wow!  That's pretty dark.  Where did that come from? lol

I suppose its seems dark but transition is always marked by such grief , isn't it? We have to let go of what was, before we can move forward  into what could be and letting go is painful. 

I sit here this morning pondering the events of the last few days.  I obviously have not let them go and though I am probably clinging to those events and the thoughts and feelings attached, though I am still holding on to this "idea"  I have of what is best for "me", as the Oak tree tends to do with some of its leaves, the experience  is  not necessarily  "painful." It is somewhat uncomfortable because I realize that I am allowing it to take me away from my moment here. And my mission is to be present with what is.  I see  how I am being pulled away and though I keep coming back, I am surprised about how much I am being pulled, by how much of "me" is still in there. 

The Needs of "Me" and the Needs of "Deeper I"

What "me" wants and what the Deeper I wants are two different things.  Me wants to be right, to be honored and valued for all its so called achievements and accomplishments, to set itself above others because of it. I, as the 'me',  got cocky and arrogant even, believing that I was somehow "special" because of such achievements. I believed I should be evaluated and rewarded for them a certain way because it was "more than" what others had to show.  When I wasn't, I spoke my mind and declared the need for change. Now...in social and psychological perspectives, I would be told, that I was doing the right thing by standing up for myself,  knowing what I am worth and possibly affecting change for all by "declaring my rights" ...but is this really what the Deeper part of me wants?

Letting Go 

Deeper I does not want me to stick up for 'me', it wants me to let go of "me", and just like those bare trees out there, it wants me to stand in my naked vulnerability and just experience what is as it is.  It sees all those things I was clinging to and standing up for as completely and totally worthless. It whispers that they are in the way of what I want! If I don't let go, if I continue to cling to that which serves the ego, I will not make the amazing transition from a problematic and self righteous 'me' to a peaceful and Loving Self. That part of me I am still clinging to has got to die!

It is like I am walking down a November trail...caught between two seasons...In one season I am attempting to hold onto what is left of "me", the warm sun, the splashes of vibrant colour etc that are behind me.  And the season that is awaiting,  is a season where it no longer exists , buried under a pure white blanket of awareness...an awareness that will take us to a glorious season of rebirth.  We  have to have a winter before we have a spring...but we cannot have a winter, until we let go of that which we cling to in Autumn. November is the transitional month.

So just as the Novembers on the calendar are  months of confusion , clinging and anticipatory grieving, the Novembers of our transitions are just as challenging to our psyches, as we find ourselves caught between the vibrancy of October and the peaceful slumber of December.

Man, it is hard to a human being, isn't it?  As we awaken, we find ourselves  trapped between the wants and needs of  form and the wisdom  of formlessness. 

I am not sure  what consequences await me for speaking my mind.  I am not sure which part of me I served the most by doing so and just how beneficial it was for my inner growth, in the long run. I have no regrets.  I would probably do the same thing again.... 

I do, however, want to use this experience to help me let go of some  of my November leaves...I won't give up 'my 'rights completely but I will compromise. I will stand half way between what was offered and what I stated I deserved. I will stand in November!

If that isn't enough, we will let it all be!

All is well.

Assertiveness

 We must teach our girls that if they speak their mind, they can create the world they want to see.

Robyn  Silverman

I have been away my dear readers...exploring new opportunities...new ways to grow and expand by giving of myself rather than trying to get for myself. And it was wonderful!  It was  like a little door opened up in my heart and a whole new spectrum of colorful light poured in. I got a taste of what it was like to have an open heart, where "me" was not in the way blocking the  sun. I jumped into the opportunity. Though there was a level of preference involved...experiences that I tend to gravitate towards anyway..."me" was taking a back seat.  I was there to "give" and though my giving was far from perfect in its inexperience  it was glorious and uplifting for something inside.   I was completely open. Until yesterday, that is. 

Assertively Proving a Point

I found myself needing to "prove" a point about something that made so much sense to me I could not see around it. An assessment and decision was made about something that would effect "me". I didn't agree with how that decision was made.  I asked for clarification because I wanted to see what I was missing but the responses I got only made me more confused. I desperately wanted to understand what I was missing and/or wanted others to understand why I came to the conclusion I did. My mind began to whirl and churn the way it does.  You see, I have a mind that has to understand how certain things work  and will not let up until it does.  I am not sure if one would call that a strength or  an area to improve upon. That trait makes for a great learner and good educator but a pain in the butt for everyone else. :) The teacher came out of me...and I wanted to educate on some things I was well versed in when it comes to making such decisions that I assumed the others were not as well versed in

I initially  looked at the situation and  it just seemed so obvious to me, "Oh this is how this must work and so this  is what it will mean for 'me' and therefore what it must mean for everyone else ". I had more than an assumption, I had an expectation. I felt so strongly  that I was "right" and therefore that meant that others were "wrong" or "mistaken" or "confused". I set out to prove that.  There was a fire in me.  I set out on a mission to stand up for justice and fairness for myself and all those coming behind me.  Man, I should have been a lawyer lol ( ironically that comparison was used in the decision process related to this event). It consumed me for hours until I had all my arguments, my thoughts, the evidence, the numbers all lined up and packed away neatly into my medium of expression...words. And I sent them off...like little soldiers (peace keeping soldiers) marching off to defend ( not attack). It was never my intention to offend or hurt or blame anyone.  I was assertive, for sure,  but it was an  aggression/malice free approach.  It really was... but to those who feel threatened, it will always come off that way regardless. 

The internal Pull to Be Assertive

In so doing...as a woman...I may have created an opinion of me as a "trouble maker" or "someone to watch"...and I accept the  consequences. Asserting just felt like the right thing to do for myself and for others.  It was an act of self-care even.  Oh the ego was in there chirping away, for sure..."Oh man...you can't let this happen...you deserve more than this...they are wrong and you are right...look at all you have to give...people have to value you more because of it...and you know how this works, you have dealt with it so many times before where as they may not have" and I constantly had to stop and ask myself and D., "Is this ego  or something deeper making me confront this?" I reminded myself, that other people don't have to value me or do a darn thing for "me". I reminded myself that I am not doing this for external gain...I am doing it to let go of "me"...not reinforce it.  I questioned, " Am I reinforcing me-ness by asserting that a certain decision be made about "me"?" Still, I felt this pull to deal with what was unfolding in front of me and was so sure the internal restlessness would not subside until I did.  Words, words, words would be the only thing that would allow me to let this go.  

So the situation unfolded in front of me and I dealt with it.  Once I sent my little word soldiers out there...I was able to let it go to a great extent.  I mean there was some holding onto it, for sure, and probably will be until  I see the effect of my expression, or until a final decision is confirmed but the fire in me turned to a nice cool flame. I was able to step out of the thought stream which was directed towards doing what I could to solve this problem and back into my moment. 

What is the point of this big long ramble, crazy lady? 

Man...I do ramble.

The point is...getting rid of "me" doesn't entail denying human rights and needs. We still often have to assert ourselves for the well being of self and others. I was presented with a challenge from a decision  that "seemed" to impact on my human rights and therefore on the rights of others. I questioned if the process, I understood so well from my years of experience using it, was understood by those making the  decision.  Whether or not it did is yet to be discovered.  If I am given an explanation as to why the decision is the way it is that makes sense to this mind of mine, and I see that it is a fair decision made on the basis of fully understanding the process, I will be like "Great! Thank you for showing me the error in my thinking" as I bow my head again and again and again in Namaste. ( Well I probably won't physically do that lol). But until then I will assert and I will question.

Does confronting assertively  make me less spiritual?

Of course not.  I am just catering to the human part of me that we all have to do from time to time. If the assertion is not based on reactivity, anger, a need to blame and be right for ego's sake...then it is perfectly okay , in fact very healthy, to be assertive. 

It is all good.

It is all so good.  

Work & The Nectar of Life!

More wise words, from Michael Singer, on work:

 ...you don't make your job spiritual, you make yourself spiritual. You don't try to find a job that is spiritual; you try to find a way to work on yourself so that everything is spiritual. 

·         Going to work is about the holiest thing you could ever do.

·         Everything is spiritual and everything is fulfilling period. You could sweep a floor and literally be in ecstasy as you sweep the floor and see that you are cleansing something so that other people could have a more beautiful experience.

·         You do the work that is necessary to get there [to that feeling]/ and your place of employment, your place of work is an excellent place to do that.

·         I don’t want everything to have to be the way I want to get turned on.  I wanna get turned on by everything so my work is to let go of myself

·         So first you center in your car [before starting your work day]and you remember this is not about getting something for myself.  It is about giving of myself and letting go of the part of me that is not letting me do that

·         Things on the outside are going to bother you…bump into your stuff. Good….”that is the nectar of life".

·         Every time it hits it, it gives you the opportunity to let it go.

·         The problem is you have to be centered. You have to maintain that state of mindfulness to remember that is what is going on.  Otherwise when something happens that disturbs you inside you are going to try to protect yourself, you are going to try to argue [that it shouldn’t be this way]

·         If you have things inside you that can get disturbed then you should get disturbed because it stirs it up and gives you an opportunity to let it go.

·         Once you learn to stay present [through meditative practices]  it is the everyday moments of your life, of  which work is half your life, that presents you the opportunity to let go of yourself.

Michael Singer & Finding Fulfillment at work & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONOc19yM5wY

Work and Attitude

A wise person gets to the point where they understand that every single thing in creation has something to give, it has a contribution …the stars, the earthworms, every cell within your body…all of these things contribute to make the whole. You are part of that so you have a job to do. That job we call your dharma, your work.  You don’t have to look for it.  It is right in front of you.  Whatever it is that is being asked of you, that is being put before you, is your work.

·     So the whole attitude about work needs to go through a reset.

Michael Singer

Morning sunlight shining in on me through the kitchen window...how does it get any better than that? 

This path I am on to understanding the mind and that which lies beyond the mind is such an adventure. The realizations are so amazing...flooring me really.  I just cannot seem to get enough. And then there are these teachers that show up in your life and present these teachings ( all basically the same core teaching expressed in a myriad of ways) and it is like Wow! Hearing that wisdom, a wisdom that is already within you, echoed from the voice of someone else just has an amazing effect.  The heart opens to the simple truth of who we are.

I am having such an experience as I read Michael Singer's, living untethered, as I have it whenever I hear him lecture or speak. There is a deep resonance of knowing within me that he taps into and I am stunned by his ability to pull up that inner knowing to my conscious awareness. Sometimes it is like a twisting pinch from a big brother, "Wake up! You have to see what you are doing!"  And other times it is like a warm hug of encouragement reminding me that "You can do this!  You got this! It is so simple! You just got to want it!  You just have to open your eyes and try!" 

He doesn't "own" the stuff he teaches.  It comes from wisdom traditions centuries of years old which in turn come from inner exploration of the  truth of who we are from many wise masters who dived within.  It is a universal wisdom he shares, a universal wisdom that lies within each and everyone of us...right there waiting for us to tap into it. He has a way of pointing us in that direction and making us see how "simple" the whole process of waking up could actually be. 

Anyway, yesterday morning I was interviewed for being put on a casual list for part time work. I was successful. It was an experience full of a variety of emotions. And though the prospect  of doing what I love to do again, of having a purpose, some meaning, of the adventure of it, of change,...of actually having an income that might stop me from worrying about getting by,  was wonderful and exciting. ..I was also a bit anxious, "Can I physically do this? What if the symptoms all come back when I am out there and I have to go through all that again? Will the pain I am having now interfere with my ability?  And what if I am not equipped to do this, skill-set and experience wise? What if work outside the home interferes with my inner work, which is the most important part of my life right now? OMG!  What am I doing?" 

Immediately after the interview, a video popped up...and like it literally just popped up out of nowhere...entitled, Finding Fulfillment at Work. I listened and I cried.  And then I listened again, taking notes and absorbing every word, savoring the learning. 

Here I was seeking employment for very "normal" human reasons. For money, for meaning, for a sense of purpose, for adventure, for distraction from the craziness of 'my life', and to prove myself to society by saying, "I do contribute!"  I was looking for a job to serve me...asking what can "i" get out of it.  This is perfectly normal.  We as humans, look to the outside world to gather and collect that which will make us feel better inside and to push away that which will make us feel worse inside. Through applying for this job, part of me was grasping for some type of change that would make things better for "me" inside and at the same time was attempting to  push away those things that I told myself were making me feel bad: the lack of income, the struggle, the boredom, the stuckness, and this sense of not 'doing' enough. So though that approach is very human and  normal...I am truly seeing that it might not be the way to approach work.

If we truly want to wake up and feel fulfilled...we need to change our attitude about work. Work is a place where we serve, where we can open up and express the beauty of what is inside us.  It isn't meant to serve the ego...it is meant to serve the soul.  We do not want to  use work or the absence of to "fix" us.  We fix ourselves while we work. 

·         Work is a place you go to get rid of your problem, not to solve it. So you start to understand, I need to get rid of me.  I don’t need to get things for me.  I am causing myself a problem.....        If you are a wise being you are not trying to get for yourself, you are trying to get rid of yourself.  You are trying to let go of tis lower aspect of yourself, your personal being that thinks the whole world is about you when it isn’t.

We do not want to go to work to get something, we go to work to give and  get rid of something in the process and that something is the sense of me-meness we cling to.   Sure we express ourselves through our work and that is fulfilling, but the part of us we express when we do that  is not the ego...it is the giving and loving soul.  

You go to work for the same reason an artist paints in the woods in her spare time when no one will ever see the painting..... "I have something in me that wants to express itself and work is the manifestation of that expression." And someday you are going to find out that it doesn’t make any difference what you are doing. It is the expression and the act of doing it that brings about joy, that brings about fulfillment. Work is not a place that you go to get something so you can be fulfilled. Work is a place that you go that in sharing and giving you achieve a state of fulfillment.

All is well

Michael Singer & Finding Fulfillment at work https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONOc19yM5wY

Clean Up Your Own Mess!

 If it is disturbed inside then events that unfold outside and come in to you  are going to stir up the disturbance. That is most people's entire life: trying to figure out what they need or want outside and what they don't want and don't need outside and then trying  to figure out how to make it be that way. And we end up going to war with reality. Fighting with the outside so you can live with yourself inside.  

There is an alternative Life...it is so simple it is ridiculous...and very , very few people actually walk it....which is, "I live in here.  I should straighten it up....I should fix what is wrong inside of me. " 

Michael Singer

Do you want to be one of the few that walk the path of the alternative life Michael Singer speaks of in his podcast, Taking care of the inner environment? Or do you want to continue fighting with the outside world, grasping, clinging, pushing away, running from and stuffing down? Let's face it, what most of us are doing now to get by, is not working.  We are not happy and peaceful- we are anxious, depressed, stressed more than it is intended we be. 

We live inside these bodies and minds and it is up to us to keep our insides clean.

It got really messy recently, inside of my head.  I was stressed and blaming other people and life for my "inside disturbance". I was so busy asking, "What do I have to change  'out there', what do I have to fix, gain, throw away, 'out there' to make me feel better 'in here?, that I never took any responsibility for cleaning up the mess in me. And I couldn't fix, or clean, or get people to change the way I thought they needed to in order for me to feel better inside. I tried but it was fruitless and exhausting.  So my stress level just increased and increased and increased. I was about to make major life changes, hurt others, in  a desperate hope that it would make me feel good inside. All the while, the wise part of my mind that was developing from years of practice, was saying..."that is not going to make you feel better...you feel good inside and it won't matter what is happening around you on the outside.  Remember...Life is an internal game! Clean up your own mess!" 

My useless outside projection screeched to a stop...and I found myself, "Wow!  I got a lot of work to do...but I want to make cleaning out my insides my priority."

So I am back at it.

All is well.

Michael Singer/Sounds True ( April 23, 2022) Michael Singer Podcast: Taking Care of Your Inner Environment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teP3TS9fHNk

Convenient Fiction & Mental Health

 

No concept can be had in the absence of awareness.

Deepak Chopra

Going to hook you up with an interesting video from Deepak Chopra, see below.  You may find tis interesting if you are stepping beyond the realms of materialistic science and approaching the Quantum mechanics field of physics.  Or you just might find it interesting if you are some "weird" person like me who sees things differently than most do. 

Here are some cool ideas taken from it:

• Some wisdom traditions tell us , "The universe is one big dream of infinite awareness." 
• The body is one of many "convenient fictions". It is a modified perception  happening in awareness. It looks so solid and substantial but it is as void as inter galactical space.
• Nothing modifies itself as everything 
• The universe is made of nothing yet it appears as everything we can see
• no concept can be had in the absence of awareness
• Surrendering to the mystery [of existence] is the solution to the mystery.
• When we surrender to that mystery, we surrender to our divine Self
• Without the awareness of existence , there would be no existence

Have a listen for yourself.

All is well 

Deepak Chopra ( November, 2022)  What does it mean to awaken? Oops...I can't find it.  Will include link when I do.

Also came across this cool little video from Deepak Chopra as well on my search to recover the above link. Understanding Mental Health-Ten Steps to Joy. 

Here are the ten steps provided:

1. Rather than just being optimistic, be  enthusiastic about being a part of this Life 
2. Find your spiritual and bodily dharma/meaning and purpose which will lead to a higher calling
3. Use SMART goals
4. Socially engage, laugh, find humour in Life
5. Breathe! ( Nasal breath is best)
6. Soak up the morning sunlight
7. Plant based nutrition
8. Read for pleasure
9. Awaken the mind
10. Participate in Love in Action= Karma Yoga...Serve!

All is well

Deepak Chopra (November 2, 2022) Understanding Mental Health-Ten Steps to Joy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61dB9HfVuuA

The "Just-ness" of Life

 The moment in front of you is the result of all the  natural forces that caused it to be what it is. The preference system in your mind is the result of past experiences that you couldn't handle.  These are two totally different sets of forces that have nothing to do with each other. For example, there are current impersonal forces causing it to rain. There are past personal preferences in you to not like the rain.  You just pitted yourself against the universe, and you are going to lose. (page 75)

Michael Singer

"Just Tree"

There is a concept in Zen Buddhism called "just tree" and that concept basically explains how a tree, how all of nature, how all of life is not personal to us.  It just is as it is.  When we put away our narratives, our names, labels, judgements and interpretations about the tree ( about any life event or phenomena), when we can look at the tree without that distorted filter  we will experience the justness of the tree. 

That is hard for most of us to do.  We are so attached to and lost in the constant movement of our personal minds. We look out at the tree, out at Life through that filtered lens.    We don't experience the tree as it is. We don't experience Life as it is. 

Living in the Head and Not in the Moment

Are you living in your body and in the world as it is right now or are you living in your head? Do you actually feel, see, hear, taste, touch and smell what is around you or are you just too busy listening to a roving reporter in your mind giving you a play by play? Are you actually experiencing Life as it is right here or now or are you lost in an interpretation of it? When you look at a tree...do you experience the tree with awe and wonder....or are you too busy naming, labelling, explaining and connecting it to something from your past, leading to a certain "judgement" of the tree,  a certain perception of the tree as "good, bad, or neutral" to actually experience anything but mind stuff? Can you experience  the tree with your senses  as "just tree"? Can you observe and experience Life as "Just Life"? Or are you like the majority of us, spending most of your daily life in your head? 

I woke up this morning and I observed my mind as it ran after one thought, then the other.  I got lost in those thoughts,  as if they were "life" and not just an interpretation of it.  Thoughts built quickly into story, story into mental movies and before I knew it I was swept away from my morning moments  so quickly by the habitual pattern of my mind.  I forgot where I actually was and the "just-ness" of life. Then awareness would emerge and I would catch myself, say, "Oh...lost in thought again" and I would gently bring myself back to the early morning, the sound of the dogs breathing beside me, the dim and foggy light coming through my window, the feel of the bed beneath me  and my breath.  

Determined to do better, I would then correct my mind like I would an untrained dog that runs after everything in sight. "Stay!!!" I would command. Once again, I would commit myself  to staying  with "just this!" 

But the dog would get off the leash again and again and run off after mind's interpretation of every sense perception, after memory triggered by each sense perception, after the interpretation and judgment of it....after the emotion pulled up by such chasing and digging.   I would fall back into the past or jump into the future and be as scattered as the squirrels my dogs run after in real life. There was little "just" about most of my experience this morning...too much of it was wrapped in mind stuff rather  that "just" being what it was. Though I did bring myself back again and again I really had an opportunity to observe how this tendency to go off is still so much in me, even after all my practice.  I have more work to do to get myself to the point where I "just" experience what is as it is without getting lost in thought. What about you?     

Ironically, the video I opened up to this morning was Eckhart Tolle's, The Deepest Spiritual Practice. In this video he reminds us that what is in our heads is not Life...it is simply an interpretation of it.  To live life fully we need to experience it without the narrative. We need to get beyond the narrative in your mind that you confuse with who you are. 

Misusing the Brilliant Mind

We are reminded by Tolle and Michael Singer  that the human mind is an amazing and brilliant instrument.  It can help us to do great things but most of us use it for mixed up personal reasons.  We use it to "escape" from the reality of our moments...from the pain of the past that lingers in tangled knots within us always threatening to come up with every bump or knock we get from life  and in some foolish attempt to make the future what we think it should be. Looking at a tree, then, is not a simple act of experiencing the tree just as it is. Instead we surround it with mind stuff, names, labels and interpretations about whether or not it reminds us of good or bad things. Does it trigger past pain... fear or doubt?  Or does it offer future hope? We experience an interpretation of the tree, rather than the reality of the tree.

Personal Interpretation of the Impersonal

The interpretation is very personal and unique to us.  You may look at the tree I look at and come up with a whole different story than I will.  You may love the tree because it reminds you of something wonderful and gives you hope for the future.  I may look at the tree and hate it because it reminds me of something painful and triggers a certain  fear in me for the future. You may describe the tree with a whole host of adjectives and descriptors that are lovely and positive like, "Beautiful. majestic, comforting, amazing, life giving, a testament to nature's bounty."  I may look at the tree as "eerie, ugly, in the way, dangerous," etc Now someone who has had no memory or triggering from the tree, but who is so wrapped up in the need to reduce all things to their material form,  may come up to the tree and simply label it as a certain species of Oak and proceed to describe in great detail the origin of such trees without any emotional connection to it. The tree gets judged as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. But what all three of us are doing is taking the "justness" of the tree away from the tree.  We are personalizing it with our own labeling, judgements,  interpretations and narratives.  We are not truly experiencing the tree as it is. 

We do that with Life. 

The personal mind has taken over your entire life. You are no longer free to enjoy the experiences that are actually happening-you are forced to deal with what your mind says is happening. (page 70)

Michael Singer 

So most of us are going through this precious gift of Life we were given, in our heads rather than experiencing the beauty of it all just as it is in each moment. The mind itself is brilliant and we could do great things with it but when we personalize it as we do, Tolle reminds us,  we carry a burden of unconscious thinking, ...a burden of the unhappy narrative. We can easily get lost in that and in so doing fail to appreciate and be in awe of the "justness" of Life. 

Just bring yourself back to this moment as often  as you can and settle into the "justness of what is"....again and again and again.  Eventually, we will be able to train our minds to "Stay!" and to enjoy this wonderful gift we have been given.

All is well. 

Michael Singer ( 2022) Living Untethered. Oakland: New Harbinger/Sounds True

Eckhart Tolle ( October, 2022) The Deepest Spiritual Practice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DLlmpg3D0U