Cults: Hoping and Grasping

 One of the things that can be helpful in terms of an explanation is to look at the ways in which cults are similar to abusive relationships. Nobody seeks out an abusive partner, but so many people stay in these relationships longer than they should - they make excuses, they ignore red flags, and they allow themselves to be emotionally manipulated.

Sarah Edmondson

Hoping and Grasping?

Man life is so different without "hope".  In the psychological and psychiatric perspective, hopelessness is considered one of the chief symptoms of depression.  In the spiritual perspective, it is considered simply a lack of grasping.  I stopped grasping...well, let me rephrase that lol... I am putting effort into the committed practice of not grasping so I can simply sit with what is.  That means I am doing my best to stop "hoping" (praying and wishing)  the things that are presently unfolding in front of me  will change for the  better.  I am not projecting or escaping from them and this moment into some future scenario.  I am here and now where and when  things do not seem or feel so pleasant to my body or mind.  I am not struggling or striving to get something "out there" so I feel better "in here". For the most part, I am noticing and allowing the unpleasantness of what is. And yeah it feels depressing. It sucks lol. So what does my mind do? It gently lures me away from the depressing feeling  into  diversional activity. I binged over the last two days on the Crave series, The Vow. and ironically, doing so intensified my focus on the notion of hope and grasping.

Cults

This series was all about the cult like nature of the NXIVM group started by a man named Keith Raniere, who right now is serving a 120 year sentence in a federal prison in the US.  As you may know, I have always been fascinated by cults and cult leaders in my attempt to understand where that line lies between groups and leaders that humbly support and encourage self development without any egoic interference and those that are simply used to help build the ego of some narcisstic and sociopathic leader. My fascination is probably more of an obsession than anything else. 

Why do people fall for these manipulation tactics of these sociopathic leaders?  How are these leaders able to manipulate and control so effortlessly the minds and lives of other educated and intelligent beings for their own selfish and twisted purposes? And why do most of these "cults" center around the promise of something so good and altruistic : self improvement, happiness and freedom from suffering in order to make the whole world a better place?  To me, the answer to all three questions lies in our human tendency to grasp and to hope.

Why do people fall into cult mentality?

We fall into these manipulations, I believe,  because we are constantly grasping "out there" to make us feel okay "in here."  And these cult leaders know that and use that human fragility and vulnerability for their own purposes. 

Well, no one sets out and says, "I am going to join a cult" lol.  No one seeks to be manipulated and controlled at least not consciously.  But we are all "hopeful seekers" in one way or another whether we know it or not.  We are all looking to fill the empty holes within us whether we know it or not. Those empty holes are our disconnect, I believe anyway, with our True Self...with our whole complete eternal nature. Until we are Self realized and evolved we are going to feel that something is missing in us  and we are going to grasp out there for it. 

These groups that later become cults give us something to wrap our hands around so we feel we are finally holding onto something that is solid; that will fulfill us in the way that matters most. They offer us the hope of putting aside, once and for all, this painful craving we have spent our lives previously consumed by. They promise an end to suffering. Of course, these leaders are intelligent enough to recognize this need, this vulnerability, this grasping tendency in human beings and because they lack a 'conscience', or a true concern for the well-being of others as a sociopath, they are more than willing to use it and exploit it to get what they need or want.  The leader finds in the follower something to wrap his or her hands around as well...a something that strokes the ego.  They grasp and cling big time to those that follow them. 

How Does the Leader Attract and Control the Followers? 

Coincidence and a variety of external forces line up to take the follower to the leader or the leader to the  follower. The follower does not respond to an ad in the paper that reads, "Narcissitic, extremely selfish and sick sociopath, looking for vulnerable and good natured followers, who are willing to be brainwashed, manipulated and controlled in order  to enhance the  identity and self serving desires of the master. " 

Well intended individuals seeking to heal the mind, to get beyond the ego, and to serve the world, are "innocently" recruited  by other well intended members whom they trust.  The premise on which the cult is built is that it is  for some higher and honorable  purpose that is ethical and altruistic.  It is often built as a means to Self-development. Self-development means a better world in the long run. That is what the individual who ends up in a cult is often seeking and hoping for. It is their desire to be "better humans" that often leads them there. 

 What keeps them there? 

What keeps them there involves  a lot of other factors , however. There is some form of what we call "brain washing" which is basically just a very intricate, repetitive type of manipulation that plays on the desires and weakness of others. Repetition is an essential component as well as a very subtle disconnection of the member from outside forces that will interfere with the manipulation. Members are often, at least to some degree, cut off from the outside influence. These leaders not only have a certain degree of charisma that draws people in but they are intelligent enough to  understand the human psyche and know how to play it.  The modules, the courses, the repetitive teachings and activities (walking and volleyball?)  were set up by NXIVM to play on these weaknesses and the desire for improvement. And yes, many cults will also use a subtle form of hypnosis. Sometimes it comes in repetitive chanting and repetition of key terms.  Other times it comes in actual hypnotic techniques. In this case, they were also using NLP: Neuro linguistic programming which the co-founder was well trained in and starvation(calory control) . So once the newbie arrives for whatever reason...gets passed that gut feeling that says "Oh this is weird!" they are pretty much lost. 

Like teh former Dos member quoted above, I compare it to the development of an abusive relationship. Both individuals are hopeful and grasping...seeking.  The "sick, sociopathic" partner seeks a certain vulnerability, a certain loving nature and a certain "something is missing in me"  in the other that will boost their sense of self. The soon to be abuser puts on all the charm to draw that partner in.  The other is often drawn to the charming and very devoted personality of  the grasping other.  The beginning of an abusive relationship is usually very idyllic and exciting...with promises that both will be fulfilled for a lifetime by the relationship. The soon to be abused is very, very happy thinking they have found the answer to their prayers. Manipulation from the abuser begins early on...they recognize the desires and weaknesses in the other and they use them to keep the partner under their control. Slowly and subtly with the guise that it is for their own best interest the abused is removed from outside influence and is socially isolated to some degree.  Guilt and shaming is often used. Manipulating insults are offered repetitively,  first as constructive criticism and then as repetitive abusive statements until the abused begins to own those statements and believe them.  They become more and more dependent on the abuser.  Then they are physically or mentally assaulted and fear of leaving and what will happen when they leave keeps them where they are. 

Why do  cults often center around goodness?

Well if the ad in the paper said, "Cult leader looking to exploit others in an evil way...to use them to do evil things as directed by evil master"...they probably wouldn't get many followers.  Cult leaders know that humans tend to strive towards goodness. The fact that cults like this flourish  shows to me the inherent goodness in the human psyche.  People do want to be better humans.  They want to make the world a better place.  We are driven by goodness more than by a lack of it. Even though we have both seeds in us...it is the seed of altruism and compassion that we naturally want to grow. Unfortunately, less than evolved humans who happen to be charismatic,  intelligent and aware of the human psyche can exploit that desire for goodness as Raniere and so many other cult leaders have done. It is the blossom on the rose that attracts the bee, not the thorns. These leaders will do what they can to look and smell like a rose. 

My take away from all this is that we have to be careful when it comes to how devoted we are to teachers and gurus.  I know it is the Indian tradition to devote oneself fully to their guru...but we have to see our gurus firstly as human beings .  Not all gurus...in fact few, I suspect...have actually transcended the ego and its desires, few have gotten beyond the grasping tendency of the mind. If you are going to join any group where there seems to be a leader with devoted followers, ask and observe just how evolved that leader is and just how devoted the followers are and why? Is the leader asking for devotion?  That to me is a big clue that ego is running the show? 

And also  know that nothing out there...not a leader, not a sangha... can fill what is missing in you.  Only you can do that by discovering who you really are? 

And stop hoping for things to get better in the future.  What are they like here and now?  I can just imagine how many times that the abused partner says to herself in a day, "Oh it will be better tomorrow.  Things will be different tomorrow if I do this or that tomorrow...there will be peace." You deserve peace now.

Anyway, I went on a rampage again.  Just my opinion and my little knowing.  Watch the series yourself and see for yourself how the grasping and hoping tendency can get us into trouble.

All is well. 

Crave: The Vow Season One (Sorry not citing as I should)