I am back in physical form...not so sure how much of my mind will be here. :) My mind (if we encapsulate the mind into the brain for this analogy) has a thousand chattering monkeys jumping from one neuron to another...spitting and flinging stuff all over the gray matter...making quite a mess. :) I am finding it very, very challenging to step away from this side show attraction and slip gracefully back into my body, breath, moment. Sigh!
When I am able to get past the external circumstances that have been coming and going like lightening storms in front of me, the thoughts and story I and others are building around them, this endless chatter of monkeys...I feel the knot in my core...and my jaws are as clenched as rusty hinges...even wearing down my teeth again. I notice the feelings: grief, anger, resentment, confusion, overwhelmn, concern for others, compassion, empathy, heart wrenching sorrow, fear, a need to defend and even attack etc etc etc...
I try to sit with all this in meditation...have been trying to do so for seven days...but literally for some reason...every, and I mean every, meditation practice has been interupted by news of another crisis, or someone in need that I have to respond to in some way. Or my mind brings me back to the crisis' we have been dealing with. It feels like I am constantly being pulled away from center by outside forces and my mind.
As a result, in dealing with some of these circumstances...I have been reactive rather than calm and centered...I am feeling more than a tad bit stressed...definitely not peaceful...Though my years of committed practice have helped me to get through these crisis' ...more effectively and "clearly"...I am missing my daily doses of peace that I have been getting. I want to go home to Self.
It is what it is , I suppose. I will get there. All part of the process. All part of living this life as a human being.
All is well!
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