Revealing Circumstances

 Circumstances don't make a man, they reveal him...

James Allan 

Hmm! I am hoping that isn't true lol.  What would the circumstances of my life say about me?  

I have amazingly wonderful circumstances in my life:...I am surrounded by beings I love...both the furry kind and the skinned, I live two minutes form my beloved woods where I can go everyday if I need to surround myself with the healing presence of nature. I have a roof over my head and food on the table. I get to do what I love to do everyday...write...and it doesn't matter if I make a cent doing it. I have a big family and good friends ....I have my yoga and my meditation practice....I have my morning  tea and the opportunity to go inward everyday. I am learning and growing everyday. The more I see myself as something beyond this body...the more its limitations do not hold me back. I really am waking up to a new understanding that is freeing me in ways I never thought possible.  I love this process! I have so much.

Yet... I also have circumstances that challenge me and they have to do, I suppose, with being surrounded by the reality  that suffering exists.  I see the suffering of loved ones all around me.  I want to help.  I often don't know how...it leaves this knot in my core when I cannot take away another's pain. And sometimes when circumstance comes raining down on me like a storm...I don't see clearly...I don't see the learning in it, the "grace" in it and I perceive that Life just wants to drown me.  I get lost in those moments, and I have been feeling lost lately.  I have been feeling a certain "stuckness" and when I look around at "circumstances" I say they are manifesting my "stuckness".  

There was a quote in Wayne Dyer's The Power of Awakening that kind of reinforced this idea that I was stuck and manifesting stuckness:

You got to trust that you'll know it's time to make a change.  If you don't the universe will tell you-you'll get the signal in some way, and you indeed will move along.  If you continue to stay where you don't belong, the universe will start making you deteriorate. 

I felt like I was deteriorating...I found myself closing down, feeling sick again, not there enough for others. I have also  been looking about me and everyone seemed to be deteriorating... so "stuck" in an unhealthy way. I thought a change was required and I ws teh one to direct it.

So, I was about to make some very major changes in my life less than a month ago...was in the process of orchestrating what I thought was best for all...they were even in the works...but ....Life  had other plans.  She threw another couple of  curve balls in my direction and the changes went 360. She brought me and others right back to where we were before the change.  There is no doubt in my mind, she did so for a reason.  So instead of fighting and resisting like I was...I am recognizing, accepting, allowing and trying to figure out what I am meant to learn from all this. I am finding a certian peace in letting her decide what she wants for me and others.  It was never up to me to make that decision.  

Hmmm.

So what do my circumstances reveal about me?  I am a student of Life...a student who is finally recognizing that she is not here to tell the teacher what to do or how to teach...but to simply be open to the learning provided, trusting in the process.  Yeah...the lessons are pretty complicated and seemingly imcomprehensible but I will catch on eventually.  When the teacher wants me to to "do" something she will tell me.  For now, I just have to sit back, listen, watch, and appreciate the learning. 

All is well. 

Wayne Dyer (2020...Post humously) The Power of Awakening. Hay House. Kindle Edition