Not Knowing

 In the not knowing, there is a deeper knowing.

Eckhart Tolle

Comfortable Not Knowing?

Most of us want to know everything about everything...sometimes we even believe we do or at least we pretend to.  Uncertainity scares us...even though it  can be the thing that takes us deeper. 

Who is reading this? I don't know.

I have no idea how the stats analytics on this blog works lol...so I have no idea how many people are reading this blog, let alone getting something from it.  Why I question:

• Yesterday I had a reported 168 readers, most of which registered as coming from Portugal.  (Yeah!!! Portugal...a place I desperately want to visit...Before walking became a challenge for me, I always dreamed of doing "The Walk" pilgrimage between Spain and Portugal.  Not sure if that is the  Walk of Saint Thomas or  The Walk of Saint Francis...anyway...I digress) So I registered 168 views but the readership on the individual blogs does not add up to 168??? So I am not sure that anyone from Portugal actually read anything. 
• I also still register "no followers" when I know for a fact I have at least a dozen. :) (I am happy with a dozen.  Grateful for that dozen).  
• The stats  show readership from all over the world which is very interesting and it is exciting to think we can connect with others so far away...makes this idea of borders and geographical distance illusionary. Then I wonder...am I actually connecting or is it some type of url hitchhiking? Am I actually getting these readers across the globe? What about the language differences...would people actually bother to read something in a different language if they have to go through the process of translating it? 
• My highest scoring entries are ones that would not entice a reader ... like "Excuse the formatting on the last entry" lol
• Only get a few comments

Don't Need to Know

So anyway ..I do not have a clue how many people are reading this and getting something from it. I am aware that people are clicking on to the site for reasons  other than reading and that is adding to stats. Ego, at one point would have needed to know...would have demanded that validation that I am being read and received well.  The part of me that guides me here every morning, however,  doesn't need it...doesn't need people to risk their privacy to comment and I do not need to see large numbers. I am really happy with ten genuine readers a day and thrilled when I get over 20. I just do the writing as I feel pulled to do and allow this Thing I can't understand take care of the details.  I am okay with that and I am okay with "not knowing".

Don't Know Much of Anything...

I actually do not know much of anything and I am beginning to find comfort in not knowing.  I do not know how many lives I am impacting here...though I do get  comments saying that I am helping a few which is wonderful...mission completed. When I started this, I told myself, if I made a difference in one life...even if that life was mine...I would have done what I set out to do. So that is all good. So I keep coming here, not knowing.

I also don't know if my other words that have yet to be published  will ever be seen, let alone help someone.   Yet, I keep writing, keep reworking things to make them better, and submitting so that they may be picked up, published and shared with the world. While I write, edit and submit... I find peace with not knowing how it will all turn out.

I don't know about my body and what is going on it or how it  will all  turn out either. I am attempting to find some peace...just letting it all go...letting Life decide.

I don't have the answers to my questions about Life and God and I may never get them until I die...but I keep asking, keep searching, finding comfort and inspiration  with the not knowing.

And as Eckhart Tolle reminded me today in his video ....I do not know who I am really. I mean...I know surface level stuff and I know what I read, listen to, learn but I do not have  the deeper Self knowing...because that cannot be known conceptually. It is beyond knowing.

So finding comfort in the not knowing is a great thing.  We just go breath by breath, step by step, and moment by moment "being"...trusting ... instead of knowing.

All good. 

Eckhart Tolle (Spetember 18, 2020) Comfortable Not Knowing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q_3RwffAz0