Man is spirit, clearly and without dispute. Man is the essence of the mighty intelligence that guides and controls the universe. Man lives in this intelligence; he is a part of it and the whole of it. He is as small as his temporal life and as great as his spiritual life, for the intelligence from which he comes is greater than all, greater than the far reaches of space, greater than the power that holds the planets in their courses. (Location 33)
Andersen, Uell S.. Three Magic Words . BN Publishing. Kindle Edition.
Hmmm! I have hit a bit of an emotional bump as I, the convulted stream being taken to an ocean I cannot see, know or fully understand, flow awkwardly, crashing into one jagged peice of shore to the next.
A Craggy Shoreline
It is not that things have gotten "worse" or "better" in my life. It is still the same craggy shoreline it has always been, with circumstance occassionally jutting out to cut into me...then retreating to offer sweet peace and relief...before jutting out again. It is not smooth! But that is just Life operating with an Intelligence far greater than my own. There are many, many fractal shapes to my existence created by one simple formula. Though bumpy it is a sure and steady stream.
Life is taking me, albeit not so gently, to where I need to be...but I am once again resisting. I have allowed my mind to ruffle up the waters, speed up the currents, create rapids and eddies I am getting stuck in. I am struggling! I am fighting the current and I am exhausted as a result. I feel it in my body...I have been unwell the last few days. I feel it in my response to the circumstances, the suffering I see, the words spoken by others and the dreams I have at night. Things seem dark as the painful experiences keep pushing against me. My eyes are not always seeing the beauty that surrounds me. My thoughts are heading towards the negative. As a result, I have this urge to stop swimming and to just sink to the bottom. I am tired!!!
Stop Fighting! Relax Into It!
Then it dawns on me. That is exactly what I am meant to do. Stop swimming against the current I created with my mind. Stop struggling! Stop fightig it! I won't sink. I will be saved. I remember the wise words told to my raft mates and I by our river guide on a white water trip years ago...."If you fall in...don't fight that which you cannot beat! Just lay back...put you feet up and allow the river to take you. Trust it and relax into it!"
Hmmm!
I just need to lay back into the arms of Self...of the Life it is expressing...and trust that it will take me to where I am meant to be. My expereince of exhaustion, darkness, feeling overwhelmned is just another sharp jagged peice of the shoreline I must flow through. It is not causing the current. I am. The current I feel I am swimming against...is just a mental concept...nothing more. I don't have to fight it. I just need to surrender, trusting that this stream will take me to where I need to be. The perception of "rough water" will disappear with the conviction, "it is what it is and it is all okay!"
I close my eyes and I lay back. I do my best to trust and relax into what is!
All is well!
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