The Greatest Awareness

The greatest awareness comes slowly,  piece by piece. The path of spiritual growth is a path  of life long learning. The experience of spiritual power is basically a joyful one.
Scott Peck (http://www.wiseoldsayings.com/spiritual-awakening-quotes/)

What a beautiful day out there!  My new "not dying' bucket list requires that I go out for a walk with the dogs once a day in my beloved woods.  I will but it won't be a walk. It will be more like a dog sled race without the sled. Instead of crying "Mush!  Mush!"  I will be screaming, "Stop!  Stop!" as I am pulled over the snowy path by arms that painfully get  longer and longer.  God help us all if we encounter a squirrel or a snowmobile. I will be dragged at record speed down trails not meant for people on foot, through every piece of wild brush, and up and over trees until I am bruised and bloody. (I won't let go!) Walking those three dogs  is not a relaxing adventure. :) Oh well!  It is on the list!

So what did I learn from my little scare the other day:

1. My mind was the only thing that caused any perceived suffering. (As always).  It was not the circumstance, or what anyone else said or did. (All acted exactly as they should have in such a situation. I appreciate the quick judgment and speed at which things took place!).  My sense of suffering was related to what my mind did with that circumstance and what I was told.  It ran off with it.
2. I am a lot closer to being evolved than I was say four years ago. I don't "react" anymore in extreme ways.  I never told anyone about my "dying" experience but mentioned it briefly to D. I was going to wait until a biopsy confirmed it. I did go on with my life.  So on the outside ...I looked non-flushed, unworried and calm.  I did not pull anyone else into my drama. I was more concerned about their experience of this than my own...seeing how they may perceive it in comparison to my own  clearer way of seeing it. This tells me that the spiritual excavating I have been doing over the years does work at diminishing  suffering, making a better me.
3. I am not yet where I want to be.  I still have more uncovering to do. Though on the outside I was fine and so much more at ease on the inside than I would have been in the past...I was still suffering. I was still scared.  I was still projecting my life into the future.  I was still missing the moment I was in. 
4. I have to renew my practice !!!
5. It reminded me that, contrary to popular belief,  I have a clear and bright mind when I decide to use it instead of have it use me. I knew what this was, like I knew what the pelvic pain was, and the heart issues were.  I can put pieces of pathophysiology together pretty quickly. (Thanks to 14 years of teaching that subject!)
6. I can trust myself. ...no matter if others agree or validate my experiences.  My body and I have a good communication process.  When I am willing to listen I usually "know" what it is saying.  (Thanks to 22 years of yoga :)).  Of course, ego and my fear of shaming  can pop in and get in the way of me hearing what it has to say. Shamer ego is still hanging around wanting to cause trouble.
7. I am healing in ways that go way beyond the body!
8. I am grateful for the experience!  The greatest awareness comes slowly but every bit gained makes the process of finding Self a joyful one!

Hmmm!  Anyway, I will get off this topic now.  It is all good!!!