The Light of Resolution

When sense of self is invested in thought, thought becomes problematic.
Eckhart Tolle


I wish I could just respond to every life situation that comes my way from the place of awareness and presence.  I am getting better but I still feel myself from time to time getting pulled into the story line like some character in a play...At first I ask, why am I here...again? This sucks! Then I find myself looking for something in it, that will appease the little me, at least because that is the only part of me that has to be appeased all the time. How does the little me like to be appeased?  Through recognition. "Look what I am going through.  Now...I have problems." it begins to shout.  Or it begins making comparisons as if it is in some competition with others if only in my head, "My stressors are so much bigger than yours.  So I therefore have the more worthy story to share. The best drama. I win!!!"

It is like if I have to go through this crap, I might as well get something for it...an Emmy or an Oscar...at least be nominated, don't you think? So...having one of  those child like minds that is always seeking the silver lining in things...I ask: What is the silver lining in challenging situations?

If I ask ego, I get," Well a badge of glory, a medal of honor, or a trophy will be coming for the so called suffering I am doing.  At least others may appreciate my fortitude and strength so . I will win some form of competition for endurance.  I will gain recognition, pity maybe, or something for this in terms of secondary gain."  That is my silver lining, according to the little me.  And it is all ego crap.  

If I ask spirit, I get a totally different answer. "You will learn, you will grow into who you really are.  You will see all this for what it is and find peace in it. You will learn to accept and allow and you will be a much better help to others from that place."  

And ego responds to that with, "Yeah right!" I know then that I am operating more from ego.

But if every time we encountered something in life that caused a bit of suffering from a place of Knowing and awareness of who we are  and what life is really all about...we would not need story, or drama, or victim/martyr recognition, would we? We would just breathe and allow it to be. We would not sell  peace for a chance to say, "You like me! You really, really like me!" It wouldn't matter.

And how we approached these things in a state of alert presence would be clearer, more solution oriented than problem focused.   Without the drama inflating things, without our need for story and our identity as the heroine/hero we would be better off. Wouldn't we? We would feel the suffering, allowing it to be and to pass through the moment but we wouldn't be dismissing, denying, resisting  or clinging to it. We wouldn't be making more problems out of it for the sake of ego's need for recognition or compensation. We would "be" there for others in the way they need it most.

Man...that is what I want. To be free of ego's hold on me as I process through these life events.  I want peace. I want Truth's light to shine on these issues...not the camera man's.

And what is light except the resolution, born of peace, of all your conflicts and mistaken thoughts into one concept which is wholly true?
ACIM Lesson 106;1:3

Hmm...all is well as I go off to deal with life.  :)