Mooji (see reference below)
Thanks to Mooji, I now realize I have to thank mind for the black and blue butt I am walking around with. Mind has been kicking me and kicking me good!!! Let me tell ya!
Where Are the Kicks Coming From?
So much is showing up in my life...big things: like masses found on a loved one's brain, other loved ones I am responsible for intentionally attempting to put an end to their own life, others on the verge of killing themselves with their drug use and some actually having to flee from people who are threatening to kill them. My family life is like some freaking soap opera.
Though, I try to avoid the news I am also being made aware of what is going on in the world...in Syria, for example, and it is challenging to escape those images of gassed children. I am thinking about the bus crash that took the lives of 15 close to an area where I once lived and worked. I see so much "suffering" and "sorrow". I am reminded of it, as well as my inability to "help" or "fix" other than listen and endure. The reminders come almost every hour, it seems, in one way or another. Mind won't let this go.
Selfishly, mind brings me back to me too : Loss, loss, loss....it shouts as it Bruce Lee's me again and again. I know I can't work anymore and I have no idea what I am going to do after this term. I will have absolutely no income and because of my speaking out I will no longer be able to get any external help for my health condition, so I can get better so I can work. I am going to lose my house (that's an ongoing story you may have heard before but it will definitely be happening soon). All I can seem to be able to do physically is write, but my words are barely being read let alone bought. (With the exception of a few sales but I can't go there ...because this is all about how mind is beating me up, remember? :))
Mind Reacts
So I allow mind to react to each circumstance as something that "shouldn't be happening", adding judgment, identification, story and reactivity to it. Mind uses each thing against me, gaining power and momentum...not because life is doing what it is doing but because mind is doing what it so loves to do... Punish and control. I then feel kick, after kick, after kick...and...
Grateful?
The strange part is ... I am almost grateful. I am grateful for the kicks...waking me up. If it wasn't for mind's twisted and abusive games, I wouldn't be here where I am, seeking Truth. And though it seems like a big fat ugly mess on the outside...the kicking is shoving me past all that to the quiet, stable, stillness beneath it. It is leading me to a place where all that "stuff' and "story" doesn't have the same impact. It is taking me home.
Mind Also Flatters
Previous to this, Mind ( ego) was so flattering...giving me recognition, ideas about myself, reward, ownership of things, the attainment of "goals" and so called success, as well, as perceptions of wonderful physicality and wellness that I took so for granted. It rewarded me for being in my head...for numbing and turning my back on the "now" of my life. It kept me sleeping and away from the reality of who I really was.
Waking Up and Going Home
I do not want to be asleep anymore...so I will take the whacks mind is using to wake me up. I decided, somewhere in the midst of all this so called suffering, I don't want to be in this relationship with mind any more. I don't want to be its victim, so I go home to where it is safe and unconditionally loving. I go home to God.
This is what I so serendipitously opened up to as I began to write this blog entry:
We ask for rest today, and quietness unshaken by the world's appearances. We ask for peace and stillness, in the midst of all the turmoil born of clashing dreams. We ask for safety and for happiness, although we seem to look on danger and on sorrow. And we have the thought that will answer our asking with what we request.
" I rest in God."
ACIM Lesson 109:1:1-4; 2:1
I want to rest in God. :)
I want to rest in God. :)
I also have to thank Mooji, for in an indirect way, guiding me back to a book I have been trying to finish about the mind's shaming(kicking) and redeeming(flattering) tendency. (I have like a dozen books on the go...what is wrong with me lol. That is mind kicking me in the butt again.)
All is well!
References:
ACIM ( 2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundations for Inner Peace.
Mooji (2017) Being Present is So Simple. Uploaded by Profound Talks. Retrieved from:
No comments:
Post a Comment