Seeing through the Koshas to the Basic Principle of Life

 ... the three fundamental factors of consciousness are I exist, I know, and I am blessed. The idea that I have no want, that I am restful, that nothing can disturb me, which comes from time to time, is the central fact of our being, the basic principle of our life.

Vivekananda on the Vedanta

Michael A. Singer in his podcast this morning speaks of this vedic truth as he discusses each of the Koshas, the bodies or sheaths we as human beings wear. I love to hear other yogis speak of these things because I have a hard time speaking of them to others. I feel so isolated, like a strange stranger in this understanding. Most people look at me and utter, "What the fork, crazy lady?"

Yet,  I cannot help , at this point of my learning and growth, to see things in this way.  There is the basic principle of Life as my central thought stream. I want that to be my focus in life. Is It? 

...I catch tiny, tiny glimpses of the realization that "I exist, I know, I am blessed." (Sat Chit Ananda).  It is not so much, I am very slowly coming to see, this "me" in physical and mental form looking through all these outer koshas to the inner one...the Atman or Purusha...but I am learning to see how this Self is  looking from the "central fact" of my being, through all these sheaths to the outer layers, and getting distracted and stuck in that focus, especially the mental Kosha.  

I am getting a head of myself. Let's look at the yogic Koshas:

Annamaya kosha (physical sheath): This is the most outer layer of this onion-like unravelling.  It consists of the physical body and all that makes it such. We know now taht as matter, it is a compilation of atoms coming together to form molecules, cells, tissues, organs, systems and the then the human body. It is not who we are.  It is something we use and are in. 

Pranamaya kosha (energy sheath): The energy body or inner body as Eckhart Tolle often refers to it...It is the body that houses "prana"...the vital Life force from which breath emerges.

Manomaya kosha (mental sheath): This sheath is where most of us are stuck. It consists of our "personal minds": our thoughts, feelings, ...this idea of who we think we are. Concepts and conceptual knowledge are found here.

Vijnanamaya kosha (wisdom sheath) : "The mind beyond the mind".  Some might refer to its as the "universal mind beyond the personal mind focus". This is where true wisdom is housed...a wisdom that is non conceptual and can only be experienced, not known.  It is from here where intuition and creativity arise and are then sent to the mental sheath for follow through. 

Anandamaya kosha (bliss sheath): It is where the essence of who you are resides....the Self...It is the  house of the pure joy state of sat chit ananda . It really cannot be described, only expereinced. It is where we all want to be whether we know it or not. 

Then with the attainment of Samadhi we can even get past this state to a deeper, purer state of  Atman or Self Realization. (Vivekananda refers to as Purusha in his discussion of Samkhya philosophy). 

Peeling from the Outside In?

I have always looked at it as a peeling away of layers we were once identified as. The object of the apparent dive inward is to free this Self from all koshas...to expereince true yog or "Oneness":

Existence absolute, Knowledge Absolute, Bliss absolute. That real existence is limitless, unmixed, uncombined, knows no change, is the free soul; 

Why then do we not all experience this "free soul"...this Oneness and unity with all?  Let me continue with that passage above from Vivekananda's lecture

...when it gets mixed up, muddled up, as it were, with the mind, it becomes what we call individual existence. ...That bliss, when it gets clouded over, we call love, attraction for gross bodies or fine bodies, or for ideas. This is only a distorted manifestation of that blessedness. Absolute Existence, absolute Knowledge, and Absolute Blessedness are not qualities of the soul, but the essence....So with existence the existence which we know, the limited sphere of existence, is simply a reflection of that real existence which is the nature of the soul. Vivekananda

Huh?

We perceive ourselves going from outer to inner and too often get stuck in the physical and mental sheath...the body and mind. 

The Three Outer Koshas

So, we start in our evolution...our peeling away of the onion layers,  with an over identification with the body.  Seeing, as the materialist view conditions us to see that all there is, is physical. We see, therefore, that we are our bodies. That consciousness, if we even go there, is a function of the brain. 

We may then progress in our understanding past the physical sheath and become aware that there is someone inside this body...someone that thinks, feels. We may recognize the mental sheath. We may even sense there is an energy body, as well, if we dare to go deeper. We see this someone as a seperate little entity in a seperate little body at the mercy of all the phenomena going on around it and in it. These thoughts and feelings, this up and down movement of energy, we come to believe, is who we are and man can it be painful!  We need to protect this "person" inside...who we beleive ourselves to be.  We build a little house in there, around the mental and energetic sheaths. We put up walls of defense mechanisms: suppression, represson, denial, avoidance, etc. and we crawl  inside in an attempt to live comfortably. We have created a psyche...an ego...a masquarading self. ...all based on a tiny reflection of something deeper.  We step out of our comfortable nest that we created and called "self" only long enough to manipulate the outside world so it doesn't get through our walls to all that junk we stuffed and stored and are trying to protect and hide. We by this process, by the stuff in the house...and all the energy and effort needed to protect it...identify ourselves with it.  We seek all the superficial things that will feed it; push away all the superficial things that will disturb it and we do not go any deeper. Most of us are here and stay here, in our undersatnding of reality!

The Wisdom Kosha

Resisting Life through desiring, clinging, averting, supression and repression...messes up the physical body, the mental body, and the energy body. When we realize that, we might decide to go a little deeper. We might seek to move into  the Vijnanamaya kosha.  I, fortunately, because of the suffering that comes with a messed up body, mind, and energy  have gone deeper to take momentary dips into this kosha. I consider myself to be a very rudimentary form of a jnana yogi.

I sit often in the seat of objective observation...observing my energy, my mind, my body. When I as a "me" get out of the way I can reach glimpses of  Vijnanamaya kosha in my witnessing...I not only observe  the distance between the thoughts or feelings this human is experiencing; I not only can identify in the body where the energy blockages are...I am often downloaded with a certain intuition, creativity, and knowing that I know is beyond my mind. I know it has nothing to do with "me".  When I write a piece of poetry, for example ...that is the mind beyond the mind. It is not "me".  It is a wiser part of me seeing Itself in the three outer sheaths, like It is catching glimpses of Itself in a mirror as It seeps around the blockages in me. 

From this place I see something else. Since it is the midway point in and the midway point out, I see that it is not so much that I, as a "me" am peeling an onion from the outside - in so that I can get to the core. What is really happening...is that which I seek from the inner most kosha is actually looking from the inside up through these outer koshas...It is an inside -out type of thing.

You have to look through  esctasy to look at this junk. Michael A. Singer

The Bliss Sheath

It...this blissful Awareness is getting stuck and distracted by the fluctuations in energies, the feelings, the thoughts, the body sensations It is observing. This energy of the Bliss sheath is meant to flow up...but instead it is looking down at the mess "me" has made. Now, there is no "me" ...it is just a concept built from the physical, mental, and energetic sheath. Yet, the mind causes so much drama...that the "I Exist, I Know, and I am Blessed" are focusing on that instead of on ItSelf. 

Allowing It to Come Up

Hmm! So it is not  really a matter of digging our ways down. It is more of a matter of allowing It to come up and through. We really do not have to do anything but relax and release...to let go. The house we built is in the way of the Flow.  We need to, first of all, stop adding to this house...stop fortifying its walls with more resistance, stop adding to the stuff inside. Then, we need to allow the walls of resistance to crumble so the stuff inside can naturally flow up and out with the shakti.  This is actually a passive dismantling of the psyche through letting go and a purification of  the energy body... so wisdom and then bliss can flow through.  

Once all the koshas are cleansed of their blockages and we have a flow of Sat Chit Ananda, we can then  reach a state of Atman realization. We can merge with the One...and the ideas of going in or coming out will be no longer needed. Duality in any form disappears. With the freedom of the soul...there is a return to spaciousness...to shunyata...the Om...the primal vibration from which all was created. 

 Hmm! How was that for deep? lol

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer (March 27, 2025) From Mind to Enlightenment: Understanding Yoga's "Layers of the Self''. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLTR-ncjMrk&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Swami Vivekananda ( n.d.) 2.6 Practical Vedanta and Other Lectures from The Complete Works. Kindle Edition. 

Creative Pull or Ego Motivation?

 Desire implies some form of lack; creation comes from wanting to give from the fullness you sense within you.

Eckhart Tolle

I am always questioning why I do what I do.  I ask if I am being motivated by ego or motivated by the deeper part of this human I call "me". I know with poetry...it is just a matter of the poem wanting to be written.  It has so little to do with "me".  There are other writing adventures that are less obvious in their motivation.

When I wrote the little book I wrote last year ( all the books I wrote last year), I felt pulled by something other than ego.  Like it is when I come here, I had this stuff in me (that I was learning) that I wanted to share. Sure...redeemer ego was sitting around encouraging me to go on with, "Well maybe if you write that you will prove to others that you now know what you are talking about.  It is so important that people know that you are knowleagble. You can't let Shamer win here." Shamer ego, was also repetitively saying, "Who the heck are you to write this book?  Despite your years studying, you do not have enough initials behind your name. " I will often look over at Redeemer and Shamer ego and say, "Will you guys shut the Fork up?" (Of course, I am not actually seeing or talking to a visible seperate entities  lol...this is all self-talk).  

Though ego was still a noisy presence in the background, I truly wanted to give, however, from the fullness within me. This carried on to me wanting to create tutorials related to the book to assist others who couldn't access or afford the book. So I  work on these tutorials and it is a very creative process that brings me joy. There will be times, however,  where the work will suddenly disappear before I have a chance to get it up. ( a lot of work)...and I am like "Okay...I will just start over".  At those times, I see how I am not attached to the outcome as ego would be.  I am enjoying the process. I am giving for the sake of giving.  Even ego cannot be upset with that. Can it?

Sigh!

Desire of the ego is disquised desire for God.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle ( March, 2025) The Impulse to Create: Eckhart Tolle on Discovering Your Creative Potential. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQsKeyKBheY&t=385s

Healing Mantra

Don't store it negative...Leave it positive

Michael A. Singer

This is the mantra I have been reciting lately during some of my meditations. 

I am opening.

I am releasing.

I am cleansing.

I am healing.

I am allowing.

I am embracing.

I am touching the joy

of Shakti within me.

opening...releasing

cleansing...healing

allowing...embracing

touching joy...touching Shakti.

Bizarre? Maybe but this is what it translates to for me: 

I am opening:  I am not closing to anything out there. I am staying open. I am learning to be nonreactive and nonresistant. 

I am releasing: I am letting go of all that I was clinging to that does not serve my higher purpose, especially the negative.

I am cleansing: I am purifying...cleansing out the samskaras. I see how they are clouding my vision and impacting my approach to Life. 

I am healing: I know that by cleansing out what was making me sick, I am healing at the deepest level.

I am allowing: I am allowing Life to do what it does...to flow through...I am not resisting what unfolds in any given moment. I am not pushing away, which equates to stuffing and storing anymore. I am also allowing the stuffed and stored stuff to rise into my conscious awareness. I am not resisting any of it.  I am not pushing it back down.

I am embracing: I am looking at all of me and all of Life with compassionate eyes: the "good", the "bad", and the "ugly". I am not judging or resisting the uncomfortable that Life gives me in any given moment.  I am embracing it for its learning potential. I am not condeming the pain I have stuffed and stored. I am embracing it as it emerges and  I gently release it.  I am not beating up my ego as it slowly crumbles in front of me...I am lovingly holding it like a mother holds a child before sending the immature child off. 

I am touching the shakti:This is one of the few manifestation visualizations I will use. I visualize and make the intention  of myself touching Shakti...the joy I was born with. When the channeles within this human are open, cleansed, and healed, Yoga teaches that Shakti can flow.)

to flow freely within: I am seeing that all the things I once looked for out there: freedom from suffering, peace, joy, love, are and have always been in this human I call "me".  I just didn't know it because of the blockages I stuffed on top of it, because of this "me"I built that is always in the way.  Shakti can flow freely once I let go of all that which is in the way. Shakti can flow freely. I can finally be free.

Still pretty bizarre to ya? Maybe... and that is okay. You see they are all just words and concepts. The experience of healing they point to is what is important. 

All is well. 

Accepting the Eventuality of Loss

 All the things I hold dear, and everyone I love are also of the nature to change.  I can not escape being seperated from them.  I cannot escape loss.

All is well!

One Foot In and One Foot Out

One foot in this world.  One foot in the transcendent. This is the dance.

Eckhart Tolle 

Are you dancing? Or are you determined to have both feet stuck together on one spot? I spent most of my life, like many of you too, with both feet in the physical world...little me's world. And though I was being called to the transcendent for as long as I can remember, I just dug my heels in and pulled my ankles even closer together. All the while  I sung out as loud as I could, "Leave me alone!"

Personal mind will not let consciousness go to the intellectual [creative mind]...it distracts you from your bigger mind. Singer

 I was stuck in the wall shadow world.  It was not comfortable. Yet, I didn't want to leave to explore the other world.  I didn't want to walk out there onto the dance floor. I was needing to make it feel comfortable in here so I did whatever I could ...ignoring the music and the calls to step out, stuffing and storing, defending and attacking, attaching to other wall flowers and things, pulling some things in...pushing so much out.... doing whatever I could to make "me" feel better.  It was all about "me". 

...because  I am thinking about me, I am caught in this tiny little space of me...and it isn't too comfortable...so I need to do things to make myself feel better...I am compensating for the fact that I am not doing okay. Singer

Until lately, that is. 

Suffering...joyous, wonderful suffering... has pushed me out of the wall shadows and into the light. It led me to examine this "I...me...mine" program so many of us are stuck in, that keeps our feet together in the physical world. It was like someone turned on a light and I could see so much more than what I could see in the shadows. It was like someone gave me a mirror and I looked in and I saw a big old mask staring back at me, an ego mask. It was like someone cranked up the music...I could hear the beat calling me.  I began to dance.

Albeit, I was a very awkward dancer at first...still awkward, in fact.  I started by just pulling my ankles a part, and lifting one foot from the earth...I slowly, and very tentatively dipped my toes into a world I didn't understand...the same world that was calling me in my dreams ever since I was little. I did not take off the mask, at first.  I needed it on. It kept all the nasty in. I dipped my toes in the other world and I quickly pulled my toes out...again and again and again. 

There were glimpses of something as I danced...just little snippets of a truth began to emerge in me, through me, despite "me"...

Humans have to taste the truth of that for themselves

The Universe also wants deep inner peace...you also want to be rather than do...to return to the Source.  And this is what presence is.

Presence is the conscious relaization[connection] of the Source of all Life. Tolle

I began to place my whole foot down into this other world, and then I would pull it out and get all lost in "me" again.  I gave...then I went back to taking.  I thought of all other beings and then I pulled back to think of "me"... I was absorbed in "being" but would then pull back to get all lost in "doing" again. I loved openly and then I pulled back, as fear led me to close up again and again. 

What a strange dance I was performing lol...a little bit like Wednesday's dance in the Adam's Family movie lol

At one point I began to jump with both feet from the physical world to the transcendent...that wasn't healthy either. 

Tolle, in the below linked video relayed the story of Ramana Mahrashi who jumped head first into the transcendent world. Once he became enlightened, he became completely immersed into Source to the point he didn't talk or eat. Gradually he dipped his toes into this world again but not completely. He still spent more time in Source...but eventually there was a bit more balance so that he could serve this world and this lifetime.  Eventually the Source began to create through him and an ashram was built around him...a place where other seekers could go to at least touch Source through him. 

I am no Maharishi :) but I am still dancing ...moving  from one world to another...It is getting to be more of a waltz or an awkward  ballet movement that I perform, where one foot sweeps the floor in one world and the other foot sweeps the floor in the other. I am also removing the mask of ego...knowing how it stops me from experiencing the true joy of the dance.  I am attempting to find balance.

...balance between dwelling in Source awareness...and participating in the act of co creation with the Source.  Tolle

So, though there is so much truth in Singer's comment, The mind is a serious problem and the answer is not to give it what it wants. ...we still need to utilize the mind so that we keep one foot in this world while we dip our other foot in the  transcendent world. 

Hmm!

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( March 24, 2025) Breaking Free from Negative Thoughts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i7_v7xQ3uc&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Eckhart Tolle( March, 2025) Eckhart Tolle Discusses Two Ways to Manifest Your Desires. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJN-4O9VKCA

The Most Important Body System

 The body function is all about the senses being able to sense....

I didn't teach Anatomy and Physiology like this in all the years I taught it, but Singer and other yogis  tell us the primary system in the body is the sensory system.  Why?  Because we are in this body to experience Life. How do we experience Life?  Through what we pick up through our senses. Hmm? What about the musculoskeletal system?  Well that system holds us up erect so we can point the senses to the world around us.  Hmm! (In yoga meditation..it is all about being erect). The muscles help us to move from place to place so we can see, hear, touch, taste, smell different things. 

What about the nervous system? Well that intreprets all that information we pick up.  And the endocrine system? Well that helps us with the hormones so we can respond to what we pick up and which allows us to experience more deeply.  And the digestive system? Well you need energy to keep the body alive so you can experience...the digestive system breaks down food into energy so you can absorb it. What about the cardiac and respiratory systems? These too help us to get much needed oxygen into cells...so we can keep the body alive so we can experience life? Get it? 

We are here to experience Life. We are in bodies that are equipped with atennas (to help us do that).  Like the skin system...the body is porous meant to allow Life to come in and allow Life to go out. We are not the body...we are that which is using the body.  The body is like a semi-permeable spacesuit we are wearing. All of Life is just meant to come in through the senses and pass right through. Why? So we get to experience it all. 

The  mind is the control switch that helps us move around in this body.  Too often we misuse the controls. We use the mind to select experiences. We stay open to certain things we deem as "pleasant" and  shut down to certain things the senses pick up that we deem as "unpleasant".   We cling to certain sensory experiences. We resist certain experiences.   We use this spacesuit to create a world that makes us feel good inside....instead of for what it is here to do...allow us to experience it all. 

Reminds me of a poem I wrote a while ago...

Space Walker

Navigating around this place,
in this suit of many layers,
 reptilian scales
and mammalian glands,
I follow, 

however reluctantly,
 the robotic directions,
 a woman's
monotone voice,
 not my own.
The voice  echoes from within
a hidden  circuit
of programmed instructions,  
"Take a left 

then a right,

go straight, 

turn around..."

the downloaded data chirps
as I make my way
to the flag before me.
I am told when
to fight, to flee, to freeze
with each zap of current that
courses through me
from the exposed
and tender roots
of the  electrical network,
humming on the outer layer
of this suit I think I am.

This entangled wiring,
with its preprogrammed function
to warn and protect,
makes the fleshy portion
of me within
jump and retreat
like a skittish fawn
with each bump, 

each change in atmosphere,
each misstep.


I walk carefully,
slowly,
feeling the weight
of mechanical
and social gravity.
Each foot I lift
is heavy and slow,
precisely calculated
to be acceptable,
just like those
of the walkers before me,
leaving a deep
irreversible imprint
on the ground beneath  me.

I reach out my hungry  
telescopic limbs
to grab what is valuable ,
collecting  the moon rocks
and galaxial gems
 that will make
this journey worthwhile,
placing them in the suit's
many  storage compartments,
feeling somehow lighter, 
the heavier the container
and I  become.


I decorate my suit
in the beads of star dust
that fall around me,
making myself,  
even in this heavy garment,
as attractive and unique
as I possibly can.
I display my hard earned titles
and initials on a well lit placard
that dangles around  my neck,
making sure it is especially visible
as the light around me fades.
I am told by this robotic voice
that I must stand out
amongst the other walkers
and
at the same time
I must blend in.


I hear my breath
panting and heaving
within the confines of my suit
as I make my way
to the center of my Life.
I do my best
to heed the directions,

to absorb the waves of pleasure,
to avoid the zaps of pain,
to make my imprint known,
to take what I can,
and be as noticeable
and recognizable,
yet as similar
and unobtrusive 
as a separate walker
 can be...

But the suit is so heavy,
and the programming  
so restrictive,
and the flag
that does not move
in the windless air
seems to get farther away
with each step
I take toward it.  

Something within me,
some little voice
beneath the programming
and the installed
external  reactivity
whispers..."stop".
I do.

I stop in my tracks
and remove the helmet.
I breathe
for the first time
without the need
of external support.
I remove my heavy garment
and feel the weightlessness
of unlimited space
as I rise untethered
into emptiness.
I watch from
an elevated  distance
as the rocks and gems
that were once
tucked within the suit's
many pockets
 roll away.
I am free.

© Dale-Lyn (pen) July, 2020

 

This poem is about pratyhara...the fifth limb of yoga which involves getting past our senses and what they bring in. Prior to that step we must recognize who we are within this sense ridden body and see its purpose as being there to help us experience all of Life. 

Our aspiration in Life should be about learning to allow it all in so we can experience it all...then allowing it all to go out. Our purpose is to recognize who is in there wearing that spacesuit, experiencing it all. We are not the spacesuits we are in.  We are not the mental control switch...we are that which is watching and experiencing and we are the One with their formless hands on the switches. Hmm!

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( March, 2025) Your Highest Aspiration: Finding Your True Self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A_t1NEskq8&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Don't Trample Down the self

 

Elevate yourself through the power of your mind, and not degrade yourself, for the mind can be the friend and also the enemy of self. 

B.G. 6:5

Between arrogance and being humble  is usually a state of self-degradation and shame that we need to recognize,process, and release . There is usually a reason for our displays of arrogance: The Redeemer Ego at work in in its attempt to out do shame. 

Is that where our "humble" journey  ends? 

 No, I believe there is a deeper and purer state called humility that has nothing to do with ego. Humility means being free of both shame and a need for redemption of the ego. Infact, in requires being free of ego all together. In order to reach that state we have to be careful when we reach the point of being humble not to take the fork in the road that leads to more self-chastising and to take the road that leads to Self-love. 

When I am "put in my place" by my own thought stream or the words or actions of others, or by life circumstance...I recognize "Oh, I was getting lost in arrogance again.  I was allowing Redeemer Ego to take the reins again." I am grateful for that realization now...where as before I would have reacted strongly.  So, there has been some growth. 

I am still not where I want to be though. Ego is still hanging around.  I know that because when I hit that "humble" point I seem to veer quickly towards a pattern of chastising myself, putting down myself, diminishing and punishing this "ego" that I created. We are not meant to hate our egos...to hate anything actually. We are meant to lovingly and compassionately understand how these egos were created and why...to take responsibility for them, for sure...but not to wallow in shame and guilt for their actions and the consequences of them. Humility is a positive state for Self...shame isn't. 

Michael A. Singer often quotes the Gita, "Don't trample down the self with Self , ..." Though I cannot find that translation anywhere I prefer it in this explaination. 

All is well

This Too Shall Pass

 This too shall pass....

Rumi

This ebb and flow of events and people in my experience is so interesting to watch. It is even more interesting to watch this that "I am" watch this human I call "me" watching it.  I watch  the ebb and flow of emotion that takes place within me and that is expressed around me. I watch it come in, sometimes like a tidal wave, and I watch as it is pulled back.  I watch the waves of pain and sorrow, of gain and loss; of sunlight and rain; of light and darkness; of ease and difficulty....just this constant ebb and flow.  Things come into my experience, my moment. Things leave my experience, and another moment arises. Nothing lasts.  

I realize when I feel the light on my face and the warmth in my heart; when I feel that I have won the favor of others; that I have succeeded at something...that, "This too shall pass," and I enjoy it while I can without clinging to it.  When I notice that I have failed or have been criticized or rejected or have fallen into moments of languishing so intense I fear like I might drown in it...I know that the experience and the nature of the moment will change into something else soon enough.  "This too shall pass." ...And I just allow it, observe it, look deeply into the "felt experience" without relying on any attachment to a  story. 

I hear my body and mind reacting sometimes and I simply observe that reaction, that resistance without judgement or attachment, knowing that it is all just phenomena...a ripple or a wave in the spaciousness of what is...and it too will just change. 

It is so bizarre the way I am experiencing Life now.  It isn't always pleasant or peaceful but I am so aware of Something in me that remains peaceful and undisturbed as Life ebbs into my consciousness, and flows out of my consciousness. I am detached , I guess, without being indifferent. I am still connected by some invisible tether but in an unusual way. I am no longer being strangled by these tethers.

It is like I am reaching out to touch Life as if it were a colorful flower I suddenly notice. Instead of grasping it and clinging to it, I now gently place my fingers on its petals as I reverently drop my head down to smell its fragrance...being careful all the time not to disturb anything, not to get in the way of the other beings who depend on this flower. Hmm! 

Its weird and I feel weird at this stage of waking up. I am sure others think I am acting strangely and I really don't care. I have no desire to please their egos anymore with my own masquerading self. I feel layers of "me" being pulled off that which I am. It is not a pleasant debridement lol but a healing one. I am changing.  I don't understand what is happening to me and at the same time I don't feel like I have to understand.  I just have to flow with it.  Hmm!

Anyway, all is well.

From 2000 to 2: Accepting the "Isness" of It All.

 

It is what it is.  It will be what it will be.

More and more I see the ebb and flow of Life without getting attached to any crest or any trough. I watch with a certain equanimity. I participate with a certain level of detachment. I get puffed up less and less, I get sucked down less and less. I do not grasp or cling.  I push away so little. If there is any action taken by this body and mind...it is not reaction.  I am just there bobbing up and down on the surface of impermanence, allowing it all to be what it is. Hmm! This is a totally different living experience than the way I approached Life, say, twenty years ago.  It took a great deal of practice and searching to get to this point but alas here I am. 

Let's look at the so called readership on this blog, for example. For the last month my readership appeared to be way up. Last week I was getting over 2000 readers (or hits, or whatever they are) on some  days. They were  being picked up by Google analytics and seemed quite legit. For a brief second, I felt a quickening in my gut, "Maybe, this ...whatever this is that I am doing here is receiving the assistance of the universe now...maybe it is reaching others, possibly even helping others...maybe, I am being shown that it is a worthwhile task." I even felt just a flush of ego, "Yeah I am doing a good thing here." Then out of nowhere it was like a wind came in and blew all that away and replaced it with, "It is what it is.  It will be what it will be." It didn't seem to matter anymore.

Then when I came to the site today.  I see there has been 2 readers or whatever in the last 24 and,  though I felt a momentary sinking of the remaining ego as the question arose, "What am I doing wrong?"...it passed as quickly as it came. I now feel the same as I felt when there were 2000 readers...possibly even a little more comfortable and relieved ( I was never much for crowds lol). 

"It is what it is. It will be what it will be."

Very grateful for all readers who take the time to read what I have written...or, should I say?... what came through this human body and mind I call "me". Very grateful...be you 2000 or 2...thank you. 

I am not sure what I am doing or not doing that causes readers to leave as quickly as they come in.  I am not sure if anyone will ever like what I write here.  I am not sure it even matters. Man, I do not even understand the purpose or process of this blog lol...how can I expect to understand the outcome? I just feel the pull to come here everyday to do exactly what I do. I feel I am satisfying my part of the bargain when I do.  The rest is not up to me. 

Anyway...just bobbing along here. Maybe you will catch a glimpse of what I leave behind or maybe you won't.  It is all good. 

It is what it is.  It will be what it will be. 

All is well

Be the Essence...the Dimension of Space Within You

 Essence is the truth in man, personality is the false. But in proportion, as personality grows, essence manifests itself more and more rarely and more and more feebly.

George Gurdjieff

As Eckhart Tolle puts it, with a heavy personality you cannot go any deeper...there is a closed door of the personality... If the personality recedes...than something more vital and more essential can shine through.

The dimension of spaciousness[of consciousness] is within us.

The Kingdom of Heaven is within you. Luke 17:21

Your primary task, as a human being, is to find that dimesnion of space within you.

Hmm!

All is well

Eckhart Tolle (2023) Eckhart's Perspective on Jesus's Teachings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDHPcy5u8Po

Peripheral Phenomenon or Thoughtless Perception

There is a longing in people to be free of the incessant thinking in their mind. ...of the noise in the head

Eckhart Tolle.

Life, according to Eckhart Tolle, is often reduced to a peripheral phenomenon when we are lost in thought. 

How often do we say, "I don't have time for sunsets...beauty...I have a lot on my mind."

Many of us "live in our heads". We see the world, then, through a periphal view and just catch glimpses. of it. We are perceiving the world through the veil of thought, rather than through thoughtless perception.  Two fold nature of perception is to be aware of what we are seeing and more importantly of Self as awareness.  We will see more in that which we perceive  when we do that...We will  see the conscious awareness in ourselves and in that which we are looking at.

All is well

Eckhart Tolle (February, 2025) Eckhart Tolle on Giving Attention Without Thinking. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpGIfnIUyps&t=3s

Kapila's Soul

 

The soul has neither pleasure nor pain; it is the witness of everything, the eternal witness of all work, but it takes no fruits fom any work. As the sun is the cause of sight in every eye, but is not itself affected by any defects in the eye or when a crystal has red or blue flowers placed before it, the crystal looks red or blue, and yet it is neither; so the soul is neither passive nor active, it is beyond both. The nearest way of expressing this state of the soul is that it is meditation.

Vivekanada on Kipala's psychology

Lord Kipala was said to be a vedic sage who lived prior to Buddha sometime in the 6th or 7th century BCE? He greatly influenced, according to Vivekananda, all psychological thought that exists today. It is believed that Pythagoras studied under him and brought those teachings back to Greece later influencing Plato. It is also believed that most of Buddha's teachings are heavily influenced by him and the sankhya philosophy as well. 

So what is being said above?

The soul or purusha in vedic understanding...according to Kapila, is the true essence of every human. It is formless [not of nature or prakrti], omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient.  It is the cause of everything and the witness of everything else that is form...yet it is not affected by any of it.  It shines on and reflects the world we see but it is not that which it sees and reflects.  It is observer, reflector ...neither active or passive in the events it is witnessing.  It is the ever present essence found in meditation.  

Vivekananda further describes Kapila's psychology or philosophy  like this in 2.6.13 Sankhya and Vedanta in his Complete Works.

By itself the mind has no light; but we see it reasons. Therefore there must be someone behind it, whose light is percolating through Mahat [intelligence] and consciousness, and subsequent modifications, and this is what Kapila calls the Purusha, the Self of the Vedantin.

...the Purusha is a simple entity, not a compound; he [she, they] is immaterial, the only one who is immaterial, and all these manifestations are material. 

The soul, Self, or Purisha is the part of the human that is immaterial...it is the only part that is formless.  The mind is material and the soul is behind the mind observing, interpreting and causing the response. 

...First, the external instruments will bring that sensation to the nerve-centre, to the Indriya according to Kapila; from the centre it will go to the mind and make an impression; the mind will present it to the Buddhi[wisdom] but Buddhi cannot act; the action comes, as it were, from the Purusha behind. These, so to speak, are all his servants, bringing the sensations to him, and he, as it were, gives the orders, reacts, is the enjoyer, the perceiver, the real One, the King on his throne [ the queen on hers, the ruler on theirs], the Self of man, who is immaterial.

The sense organs are the servants of the body and mind and the body and mind are the servants of the Purusha.

Because he is immaterial, it necessarily follows that he must be infinite, he cannot have any limitation whatever. Each one of the Purushas is omnipresent, but we can act only through the Linga Sharira, the fine body. The mind, the self consciousness, the organs, and the vital forces compose the fine body or sheath, what in Christian philosophy is called the spiritual body of man. 

It is this body that gets salvation, or punishment, or heaven, that incarnates and reincarnates, becasue we see from the very beginning that the going and the coming of the Purusha or souls are impossible...what goes or comes from one place to another cannot be omnipresent.

The soul or Purusha is infinite and limitless. Because it is immaterial, however, It can only act through form...the form of the fine body or Linga Sharira. This fine body consists of the mind, the psyche ( self consciousness), the organs ...including most importantly the sense organs...and the vital forces like prana. This fine body may be referred to as the spiritual body by Christians.

The soul is onmipresent...and eternal and unchanging.  It is stillness and presence. It is that which never leaves but that from which  body and mind are reincarnated again and again.

Thus far we see from Kapila's psychology that the soul is infinite, and that the soul is the only thing not composed of nature. He is the only one that is outside of nature, but he has got bound by nature, apparently. Nature is around him, and he has identified himself with it. He thinks "I am the Linga Sharira", "I am the gross matter, the gross body", and as such he enjoys pleasure and pain, but they do not belong to him, they belong to this Linga Sharira or the fine body....

The soul is the only part of the human being that is beyond nature in its formlessness, but It has become overidentified with the nature that surrounds It. It has identified Its infinite Self with nature and both the gross body and the fine body, believing Itself to be that which is finite. It sees the experiences of both the gross and fine body as belonging to It...when they do not.  

I read all this last night and highlighted it thinking I would write about it today.  I opened up to Michael Singer's podcast today and lo and behold he was basically talking about the same thing. It is so kooky how that works.

All is well.

Vivekanada's Complete Works, Kindle Edition

Michael A. Singer ( March 17, 2025) Beyond the Illusion: Awakening to True Consciousness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzMG7EiOTc8&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Psuedoscience?

Science is not only compatible with spirituality, it is a profound source of spirituality.

Carl Sagan

Hmm! Carl Sagan also spoke a lot about the dangers of psuedoscience...?

Why is everything that cannot be explained by the "materialist" view in science called psuedoscience when science is all about exploring that which we have yet to understand? How can there be a "psuedo" to this process?  Why are individuals (scientists) who dare to explore the immaterial, that which is yet to be seen, measured, and understood, things like consciousness, ridiculed, condemned, excommunicated from the scientific community in some sort of witch hunt?  Shouldn't the most important tool used in science, be an open mind? 

I just do not understand the gate keeping that goes in the scientific community.  Hmmm!

Yoga would definitely be deemed a psuedo science by many...a "woo-woo" science. Yet, yoga is a science of the mind.  It is an ancient science...and the rishis...the scientists in this field of study realized many, many things about Self, and the universe, about mind, and perception. Their labatory was their own minds.  Through an experiential process of going inward and observing the inner workings of the mind and what is beyond it, they traced back everything to vibration in a spacious realm of akasha.  They did this thousands and thousands of years ago. Yoga and yogis are definitely not members of the Western scientific community. :) 

Yet, their discoveries have now been validated by modern day science. That tracing back to spacious vibration is the same thing the quantum physicists have done at Cern...They traced back matter to atoms, from atoms to subatomic particles, and from subatomic particles to wavelets(bosons, quarks, and leptons) in a field of energy and vibration known now as the "Higgs field". "Akasha" or "Higgs Field"  are just concepts pointing to the same thing, are they not? 

These ideas posed by quantum physicists , too, were shunned from the community until recently. In fact, "quantum mechanics" has been for the longest time viewed as a little too "woo-woo" for main stream science.  Why?  Because it challenged materialistic view. It took a lot of scientific experimentation to prove its validity. Eventually, the community came around.

So, why, then is it so hard for science to accept the probability that "consciousness" is a "thing" that exists "outside of matter/the brain" worth exploring? Why are those that partake in this endeavour automatically shut down? I am thinking of the "Telepathy Tapes"and the research done by neurosceintist, Dr. Diane Powell. There was definitely a witch hunt done on her and attempts were made to burn her at the stake...it seems.  She was ridiculed, discredited, suspended from her position at an infamous university,  and later had to be reinstated because the charges against her had no merit.  Whether or not what she had to prove was valid or not, that was a witch hunt if I ever saw one. 

I am not sure if Telepathy is a thing.  I have never observed it or experienced it. Powell was a well credited scientist, a neuropsychiatrist, with a lot to lose when she went on this experiential journey to prove it was a thing. Her tests used to prove its existence, also, seemed quite rigorous and scientific to me in my ignorant but skeptical mind.   I know that telepathy is something the ancient rishis are also said to have discovered. Infact, telepathy is said to be one of the siddhis attained by some very advanced yogis after years of intense meditation. The rishis were not wrong about akasha. There is then a chance that they are not wrong about telepathy. Maybe the neurodivergent pathways in nonverbals mimic the brains of those advanced meditators? 

The thing is...who really knows? It is a question.  And isn't it the job of science to attempt to answer such questions?  Yet, the scientific community seems to be shutting down the question before it is even completely asked. Instead of embracing the question, they tend to want to shoot the questioner. Hmm!

I am also thinking of Dr. Susan Blackmore, another neuroscientist who studied paranormal psychology at Cambridge university and spent years of her life trying to prove the existence of paranormal truths like telepathy. She has recently switched gears and debunked the existence of such things on the grounds she was unable to prove anything with all her rigorous scientific studies. She looks now to brain activity to explain phenomenon such as Near Death and Out of Body experiences. Telepathy, well that just doens't exist as far as she is concerned. She explores consciousness, now, in the way it relates to physical matter and neuronal firing.  Hmm! I can not help but wonder...if the pressure received from the scientific community was the catalyst that made her debunk that which she studied for so long?? 

Regardless...we see two sides of the line with these woman.  One was a devoted neuropsychiatrist in line with scientific thought who stepped over the line to explore consciousness in terms of paranormal activity; and the other a rebellious paranormal researcher, challenging the limited view of consciousness,  who stepped back over the line and is now conforming with scientific materialistic thinking when it comes to consciousness. Both risked or risk so much in an attempt to validate what the rishis discovered to be real. 

Is telepathy  real or not real? Proving its reality sets a framework for understanding consciousness, reality, etc in a way that would blow our minds. 

What is the truth?  Though part of me wants so badly to believe in things like telepathy...another part remains skeptical.  Like Susan Blackmore, I need proof!! I remain open minded and I question...I will not shut down the possibility until someone prooves that it can't exist. At the same time, I will not believe that it it is real until someone prooves that it is. Unlike many scientists, I am committed to staying open minded.

I will not call anything that starts with a question a psuedoscience!

What about you?

All is well.

The Weekend University/Dr Susan Blackmore ( 2000?) The Science of Out of Body Experiences-Susan Blackmore. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VoixOyTPwg

New Thinking Allowed (2024)Psychic Abilities of Autistic Savants with Dr. Diane Hennacy Powell. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIYk0ZGcVnE

Awareness: A Space for Transformation

 Awareness is the greatest agent for change.

Eckhart Tolle in The New Earth

As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anyone else. All you can do is create a space for the transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter. 

Eckhart Tolle from The Power of Now.

I am remembering back to when I really started to evolve in my transformation.  It was 2006? I was about to get divorced, still living with my ex but in the process of buying a house near by. Someone recommended "A New Earth" to me.  I was reluctant to read it. Though I was always a bit "spiritual"(quietly so)...aware of something that could not be seen especially as a child, I had developed a very scientific mind that depended on empirical evidence to explain reality.  I guess, I became a bit of a  materialist. I was also so very egoic at the time...identified so much with my "me" and "my" body and what it "was doing and going through",  that if someone were to tell me I wasn't this body or its problems, let alone this "me",  I would have told them they were absolutely nuts!!! Sure,  I was studying and practicing yoga but I stuck to the Hatha component because I felt the other stuff was a "little too woo-woo".  And though I was also reading writers like Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson, I focused on the psychology of their teaching rather than the parapsychology. I was not, by any means, easy to convince that consciousness was a thing, let alone who we are. Yet, the experience of the divorce was opening something in me. So, I proceeded to read Tolle's book.  

At first, there was the usual resistance, "This is nuts!" or "I don't get it!" ... but as I kept going, this crack that was opening in me began to widen, and there was like these waves of pure knowing emerging in me. The resistance was soon replaced with a lot of very profound "aha" moments! My perceptions were shifting. "This is truth!" I found myself reciting to anyone who would listen (and few would listen...people were convinced I was having a breakdown).  I was beginning "to get it", albeit very slowly and at a very rudimentary level, but it felt like it was coming from inside me. I still was not even sure what "it" was. 

I then read "The Power of Now" and many other books like it. I felt compelled to go on to read A Course in Miracles for the first time.  That was a heavy read.  It took me a long time to get through it. It wasn't until the third time through that the learning became assimilated into my inner knowledge library. I began to look at the other things Wayne Dyer was teaching. I looked at things like Abraham and the Secret and began consciously trying to manifest.  All the while, I was still practicing yoga and opening up a little more to the teachings...hesitantly, because my religious conditioning was warning me of the dangers. 

My mind was not satisfied...I realized somewhere in 2014, maybe after another sick leave from work and finding myself at the verge of losing everything I owned, that there had to be more to it; that I didn't have to look out there, I had to look in here. I upped my meditation practice. I put away my dream boards and my need for the  law of attraction to bring into my life what I thought I needed.  I began to ask for peace of mind no matter what over anything else. I looked into Buddhism and was floored by the absolute wisdom I found there. I upped my yoga practice. I read Patanjali's sutras. I began practicing all limbs (realizing that I had already been practicing them to some degree but I reinforced my commitment to a sadhana.) I discovered Michael Singer.  I  studied the suttras and scriptures of other ancient wisdom traditions from the east. I soon began the studying necessary to become a yoga teacher. I studied to become  a meditation and mindfulness teacher. All the while, this knowing in me kept growing and expanding to the point I can't believe that I ever thought differently than this. I see now! There is no going back to that foggy and distorted vision I had. "It", whatever It is, is sooo clear to me. 

I also began to come down from my head where I had lived my entire life and into my body and moment. I began to pull away from my past and future focus and started to live in the here and now. I began to see this me as 'this human I call "me". I detached from my absorption in it.  I lost so much attachment to those things that once consumed me. I stopped resisting Life...and found myself opening up, accepting and appreciating all of it'. 

I am no longer attached to the past story of "me", but I do know I have stored samskaras inside that I need to release and that is where I am now. My life changed completely. And this inner knowing I had is now being replaced by a not knowing. The more I think I know the less I realize I know.  I am seeing so clearly the limitation of words and concepts. It's crazy!

So, to me, sometimes as I speak to my loved ones, or go on and on in my blog entries and videos, I forget that not everyone sees it the way I see it.  A lot of people are not there yet....wherever "there" is.  Not that this "me" is superior in any way shape or form for being here now....not at all...this "me" is not even real! Man, that blows me away. 

Anyway...I just felt compelled to share that.  

All is well.

Compassionate Communication?

 "I do see that you are suffering, my love. But I also see that you don't have to."

"Me"

I am told that I am not as "compassionate" as I used to be, that I don't seem to "get it" when others share their tales of emotional pain with me. I have even been accused of being "cold, and mechanical" in my reponses. Sigh! And if I dare utter the above statement that is so sincere, it doesn't go over very well...let me tell ya! 

 Be careful using that above statement when a loved one comes to you with their "problems" and "complicated emotions. " 

I used to be a person who became very attentively involved when others came to me with their problems and emotional issues.  I studied and taught Interpersonal Communication for years so I had the skill set to respond in a psychology-approved way.  As an empathetic person, I also tend to feel the pain others are experiencing which leads to a natural and sincere compassion. Back then, compassionate interpersonal communication meant giving back to the person what I assumed they wanted to hear. It meant focusing on what the psyche was experiencing and trying to soothe it. The suffering other would get some sense of being heard, validated, and relieved of their pain.  Back in the day when I assumed that the outside world was responsible for all problems in life, all "pain" and "suffering" I would validate that their outside experiences were the cause for their anger, sadness, depression, or stuckness.  I helped them, unknowingly, relieve themselves of responsibility for their inner experiences and I (and they) deemed that as compassionate communication. 

Sigh!

I don't see it that way anymore.  I, therefore, don't give others (one being in particular) what they "want" when they come to me with their pain experiences and expressions. Though I don't point fingers and blame...I gently, and very compassionately, try to give them back the responsibility for their sense of suffering. I see responsibility (response-ability) as the ability to respond rather than react to life circumstance and internal discomfort. I want them to see, not that they are to blame for their experiences, but that they have the power to get beyond them.  I see a way through  all pain now...I see that suffering is something that can be avoided when we allow and accept all experiences, be they painful or joyful, as part of our reality. We may not have power over what life gives us but we do have power when it comes to choosing to allow or resist it. Resistance, I have come to see, is the true cause of any suffering we may experience. 

Most people are yet to see it in that way. So, when they (this one being especially) come to me they are looking for me to validate and confirm their resistance and stuckness, as I used to. That type of interpersonal communication and support is what they see as helpful to their psyche.  They still identify greatly with their psyche's, their personalities, and are wanting those personalities stroked and coddled. I see their attachment and overidentification with their personalities as the source of their problems and ...I cannot do that anymore. 

My personality is put in the background when I interact now.  I don't even have to do anything.  I hear that emotion in a person's voice, and automatically "little me" steps back. A very calm, wise, and noreactive part of me takes over in most of my communication experiences. This one being deeply resents it when that happens and our interactions seldom goes the way she wants.

How could it go better for both of us?

I know a return of my reactive personality is not the answer, though she insists it is. Man, personality is still there enough for me to become exhausted and unhappy with these communications and the blame I receive for their outcomes (even though I know I am not to blame). I know I could avoid uttering those words even if I am thinking them.  Or I could change the above statement slightly.  It is still very important for the person to feel like their experience of pain is seen and heard by another ...that has to be uttered or expressed in some way.  "I see you are feeling pain.  I see that you are suffering."  The problem is that I attached a "but" in the above statement.  I have always taught my Communication students that a "but"deletes all that comes before it. So, we do need to get rid of the "but".  One small, but significant change could be:

"I see that you are feeling pain, that you are suffering.  I also see that you do not have to."

Not everyone is going to see it the way I see it, the way many of you who are reading this likely see it. Most of us are still very much trapped in the quest to soothe the psyche and cannot see that it is that quest that leads to most of our experience of suffering.  If one is attached to or overidentified with their pysche or their personality, then how are they going to see it as the problem? 

Hmm! Anyway....Once we reach this state of realization, there is no going back.  I cannot soothe the disturbed psyche of others in the way they want me to.  I am still compassionate...don't get me wrong...but I am more concerned with Truth...than I am with coddling something that isn't even real. 

So, these others are right. I cannot give them what they want and what their pysches need.

Sigh! 

All is well. 

Anima Mundi

The emanation of God into this dimension is like the emanation of light that comes from the sun...and this emanation is conciousness...and this consciousness is behind every form that arises here. It's an intelligence that operates. You could also call it the soul of the world.

Eckhart Tolle

Most of us who are even believing there is a soul in us focus on the individual or seperate soul that may or may not be  in each human form. We fail to see the greater soul, the Anima Mundi. Anima Mundi can be translated from latin to mean, "The Soul of the World."

I did this little 4 minute impromptu on Monday on the concept, "soul".  Then I ironically came across this video this morning and it reminded me of the video. I wasn't even going to put up.  I felt compelled to do so, however, after listening to Eckhart Tolle. It relates to what he  said. Go figure.

Everything...is a manifestation of that transcendent deeper aliveness.

What you sense in yourself as yourself, as the consciousness, is the light of God in you. 

In essence you are the light of God in this world ...one could say...the light of consciousness. You are the light of the world as consciousness.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle ( 2024) Connecting Yourself to the Universe/Eckhart Tolle Explains. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qmx53mdiQ6k

Doing and the Future

 You can still pursue a goal without making the mistake of  over emphasizing what this goal can do for you once you reach it...there is not an excessive projection where you are feeling you need to get to...you know where you want to get to but your main attention is in the quality of what you are doing now...the doing is nolonger in the service of the future...it is self fulfilling

Eckhart Tolle

I came across the below linked video after I participated in this four minute impromptu . Thinking they relate.

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle ( 2024) Connecting Yourself to the Universe/ Eckhart Tolle Explains. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qmx53mdiQ6k

Beyond the Heard and the Hearing

 When though goest beyond the heard and the hearing, the thought and the thinking, then alone wilt thou come to truth.

Vivekananda, 2.6 Practical Vedanta and Other Lectures

All is well.

The Second Remembrance-Illness

 There is one consolation in being sick, and that is you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before.

Henry David Thoreau

All is well!

Bad Heart Day?

Having a bad heart day?

....if you can let the discomfort make it through you than you do not need to know what put it there.

Michael A. Singer

All is well.

Okay with the Human Mess

 Cleansing,

feeling,

healing,

and touching

what is-  [the Shakti under the blockages and the suchness of Life, and Love]-

through opening 

The new mantra created and used by this human I call "me" 

I think "okayness" is a state of being that is highly underrated.

What is okayness?  I believe it to be a state where one is open enough to allow Life to flow through without resistance. 

I am, as I have said many times, on a mission to cleanse and open to Shakti and the suchness of Life.  I am seeking the unconditional love that I know is within me, under all the blockages I have created over the years.  At this stage of the process, I am seeking to be okay with what is.  Being okay with what is involves a process of cleansing (out the blockages), feeling and experiencing what is there, healing by allowing it all to just be what it is,  honoring the process, and letting it all flow through the opening that emerges when we do this. Shakti will then be free to flow through.  When shakti flows, love will flow. 

I am very content, at this point of my journey, to be able to just touch this shakti...to get glimpses of it.  I know the ultimate outcomes of such a practice can be blissful enlightenment when shakti flows completely free.  I am not so attached to that outcome, though.  I accept that I may never get there in this life time. I am content with momentary touches of peace, and love that come with this state of "okayness with what is".  I am so, so grateful that I am getting those touches and glimpses, that I am feeling okayness. I can see how I am feeling more and more okay with the human mess and I see that as true progress. :) 

Does that mean that Life is no longer difficult? No. 

As it is for many, it is still messy right now for this human I call "me".  It has been messy and chaotic for a long, long time. I am finally finding a certain "okayness" with that. I am resisting, less and less, what Life offers me and am beginning to accept and honor it all. I know that the work that needs to be done has to take place within me.  It is my job to cleanse myself and to free shakti. It is my job to open to love. This healing, this love is not the responsibility of anyone else nor will it be found "out there". The world didn't break what is apparently broken in "me", and the world cannot fix it.  Only an inner practice will do that. :)  

The above mantra is something I use often in my meditation practice now. I realize, however, that the majority of this practice takes place off the cushion or mat  and in real life activities. As the title of this blog site suggests, we wake up in a busy world. Yet, in this busy world we need to stop and be still often.  So I take 20 minutes to an hour every morning and evening to sit in stillness and check in with what is going on within me. I watch whatever is there...I feel it...I asked to be healed from it...I observe the resistance and I will myself to be okay with that.   I embrace it, I talk to it, I listen to it ( without getting too caught up in its story). I allow it to stay before I allow it to go. Then I check in with whatever is hiding below the resistance and do the same with that.  I do my best to be okay with whatever shows up. 

Because of my practice both on and off the cushion, I recognize and accept discomfort, more and more.  In order to tap into the "felt experience" that is awareness, I need to detach from the story that used to carry me and keep me away from the felt experience. It requires getting out of our head and down into the actual experiencing. 

If you can let the discomfort make it through you than you do not need to know what put it there.

When you learn to handle situations that are uncomfortable you will start to feel shakti.

(May be somewhat paraphrased)

I have had the living experience lately of taking care of my three year old grandson for the week.  There was no time to be in my head. I felt my heart open...so very open during our time together.  I felt myself more present and in the moment than I have been for a long time.  I felt that experience of love!! 

I also had the opportunity to be with my other two grandchildren, more than I have been able to be since the situation changed.  It was lovely.  We played and laughed. I listened and watched them experience Life. 

I also felt at the verge of crying in many of those moments. Why? Because being around these innocent, yet very wise three and four year old beings opened me.  It opened me to the moment; it opened me to the  awe-filled experience of Life; it opened me to love. It opened me enough for shakti to begin to push up against my blockages.  I felt(and feel) some long stored stuff emerging into conscious awareness...I am feeling that too. 

And I am okay with it all! 

My grandson went home yesterday after 9 days with Nana...and though my body was saying, "Thank God!" my heart was both saddened by a sense of loss his absence is now creating and at the same time grateful for the opening into okayness that deepened in me. I love the experience of being open!

Hmm!  How I ramble, eh? :)

Anyway, I hope that you too are experiencing such openings in yourself...and are able to touch any shakti that is being released...even if it is only in trickles (as is my case most times). 

The human experience is all so beautiful, even when it is messy.

May you and all beings be well.  May you and all beings be open and free to touch the flow of shakti within you.

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( March, 2025) Love is Not Found, It's Freed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onE0QdRwSak&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=4

 Grace is perfect, even when my life isn't!

Deepak Chopra

All is well!

Internal Ethics and Cognitive Dissonance

 The good things, do them

the bad things, don't do them.

Purify your mind.

This is the teaching [of the Buddha].

Brother Spirit

Exploring the Mind

I have been very interested in exploring my own tendency towards arrogance lately, or at least exploring the motivation from which I make my behavioural choices. I am fascinated with exploring my mind. That fascination can make each moment an interesting moment rather than a difficult one...but...that doesn't mean it isn't painful or difficult to do so. 

Like many, I have a tendency towards shame when I remember and then judge some of my past behaviours or tendencies. It is a very visceral feeling for me.  I feel it in my gut with a sensation like a twisting knot.  I cringe. I feel the body curling forward automatically as if I need to protect that spot (myself from my own samskaras). There is, with that, an emotional experience of not only shame but of fear as well.  I think some punishment is going to come from somewhere. I go from saying out loud to the air, "I am sorry," to possibly even, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." (If you were raised Catholic, you will understand where that comes from lol). It can be a very "uncomfortable" experience. I then find myself very resistant to the experience and I automatically go back to the tendency of pushing it all back down.

All I may have done in the past, according to this memory, is say something that came off as less than kind or make a mistake that I assume inadvertently caused another to suffer to some mild degree. Maybe, I failed to say hi to someone I passed and realized later that I didn't do so.  Maybe, I did something with what I thought were pure intentions but others deemed it as arrogant, making me quetsion my motivation. Maybe, I drew too much attention to myself and liked it. 

This what I experience is cognitive dissonance.

What is cognitive dissonance?

Cognitive dissonance, in my understanding, is when what we do, say, or express energetically does not feel comfortable to body or mind. Might have conflicting beliefs or have a desire to convince self or others that we do or do not believe what we do at the core. 

According to Brother Spirit, it is a mismatch between our actions and the values we have or that we claim to own.

The" Be humble and good" belief 

I was raised to be "good" which meant being quiet, not causing any trouble, not hurting anyone, denying self, being "nice", and humble. That is a core belief.  I also have an added socially enhanced belief that contradicts that, "To redeem your shameful mistakes: Be strong, speak up, get what you want, get noticed, do something significant...be assertive even to the point of arrogance." I use the latter to deny my core belief, but that old shame core belief will still get triggered again and again. Sigh!

I do see when I reflect that neither belief is healthy, and I am working my way to their dissolution...but I still feel cognitive dissonance again and again. I especially feel it when I see myself trying to redeem myself to some professional image. I catch myself having or have had an experience of being "arrogant" and automatically I find myself cringing forward. I want to punish myself for being arrogant...and then when I return to adhering to the shame based core belief,  I want to punish myself for being so "pathetically humble or delf defacing". I do not like it either when I catch myself for being "nice" for the sake of appeasing a core belief. I am "harsh" to this self when I catch myself in the midst of either tendency. 

Avoiding Discomfort

Cognitive dissonance is uncomfortable and I want to avoid it.  Brother Spirit lists ways in which we tend to avoid such uncomfortable moments.

We are profoundly adverse to discomfort ...we need to look at the ways we avoid feeling this discomfort and learn instead to become at peace with it

When we feel this conflict, we tend to ...

• change our behaviour
• justify our actions
• add other behaviours (supplement with less conflicting and "positive" behaviours more in line with these core beliefs)
• or we ignore or deny the evidence

I do all of these things when the feeling emerges. Hmmm! Let's go back to the memory and from the memory reflect on the dilemma of decision making that arose based on this situation.  Many times our decision making needs are ethical dilemmas.  

Ethical Dilemmas?

An ethical dilemma occurs when we need to make a choice between two modes of actions and that entails having to deny one of our moral principles or go against one of our core beliefs. 

Most of us have conflicting core beliefs. For me, for example, I have this belief that I need to be nice, quiet, good and humble(which is also a moral principle)...I also have a belief that in order to feel less shame I need to be assertive, strong, seen, accomplished, successful in some worldly way, and that, of course, can lead to arrogance. When I am acting from my shame based ego...I tend to go against my socially conditioned redeemer ego.  When Redeemer is in charge I am transgressing my moral principles and my shame -based core beliefs. Sigh!   

So how do we make the right decision, say, when we are deciding if we should write and then promote a book to support language learning that may help others and help us at the same time, even if we do not see ourselves as experts? Seems simple enough, doesn't it? Sounds like a good thing to do...so why wouldn't the choice automatically be, "Go for it?" 

Well, such decisions are not so easy to make when you have battling egos like I have.

The Right Choice

Brother Spirit tells us that in order to make the "right" choice, the most skillful and beneficial one we need to know if our choice will: reduce pain, or increase pleasure. Which is our major motivation for most choices we make, is it not?  

The writing of this book helped to reduce pain in this human I call "me.  It was a distraction away from some pretty heavy life circumstances. Did it increase pleasure?  Yes, again it increased pleasure for this human I call myself.  I love to learn, write, and teach.  I could do all three with this book creation, so it was a great "pass time" for "me".  Was it a pain reducing pleasure for others?  Hmm! If it were to be what I set out for it to be: a tool for reducing the pain of a language barrier done in a fun and interesting way...then yeah.  The intention was for it to reduce suffering and add pleasure to others.  I have yet to see it doing so, however.

We also need to ask, "Will this be helpful or unhelpful?" I wanted this book to be helpful.  I learn better when I teach so it was very helpful to this human...but I am not sure if it was, is, or could be helpful to others?  I fear sometimes that it might even be unhelpful being that it was created through learning, not established expertise.   

We need to take it further to ask, is it beneficial or unbeneficial? The problem with the first few questions is that they are self and other focused.  "Little me" seen itself as a separate entity getting something from this book creation, but it also looked at "the others" who might benefit. It may have been beneficial to separate entities but how did it benefit the world as a whole?  Hmm!  Probably very insignificantly, if at all.  

A step farther: "Is it skillful or unskillful?" I did quickly ponder that question. More specifically, I asked, "Is this a skillfull or unskilful use of my time and energy? Could that energy be directed to something that would impact the world more significantly? "  

Hmm! These questions are not enough because we are not contemplating who  we are saying this choice should be beneficial for?  Others? And what others?  Who are the Others? Or is it to be beneficial to "self", meaning which of the two egos should this decision serve? 

A better question then is, "Are/were we deluded or awake when we make or made that that decision?"  I can see on reflection of past choices that if I am serving either my shamer ego or my redeemer ego...catering to shame-based beliefs or the redemption ones that can lead to arrogance...I am deluded.  If I am not serving Self and the One consciousness, I am not awake enough to make a proper decision that will truly serve. Another great quest to ask is does /did it open or close us?

Internal Ethics

When we are reminded of past mistakes or less than wholesome choices...when we feel the inklings of cognitive dissonance brewing inside us, it is a wonderful time to look at our "internal ethics." What are we experiencing and why?  Are we noticing any conflicting beliefs or conflicts between our choices and our principals? Why does this feel so uncomfortable? What is my tendency when this feeling arises?  Do I want to escape it? Do I go to thinking about how I can change my behaviour to make this feeling go away? (In my case am I shifting from the directions of one ego and going to the next?)  Am I trying to justify why I did what I did to make the guilt and shame go away? Am I supplementing with other more positive behaviours that appease whatever ego needs appeasing? Am I trying to ignore the evidence?

Victim?

Another common tendency I have, shared by many I am sure, is that  I try to slip into victim mode.  "I couldn't help it.  It was self defense.  Look what happened to me...this is why I do what I do etc."  And when we become victims, we need to vilify others to sustain our self identity as victim. "He/she/ they made me do it!" 

Rushing Decisions

Often when we are faced with any decision...we are in an uncomfortable situation that we quickly want to escape.  We make quick decisions just to escape the discomfort of having to make a decision. When we make decisions this way we spend the future trying to rationalize these decisions or we change our beliefs or values to match the choices we made. 

I wrote this book on a pure compulsion.  When the time came to make a decision about what to do with the book once it was written and how to get it out there....I was torn.  I quickly made a decision to send a copy here or there, give this person or that person a copy along with an explanation...I wasn't seeking profit, but I did need to cover printing costs and to pay myself at least a couple of dollars per book for the work. As soon as I put it up and out, Shamer kicked in big time. "Who was I to write this book anyway, let alone give it to people?" 

And because the decision was already made, I started to transgress my moral principle of staying humble and allowed Redeemer to step up with, "It is a great and noble thing I did!  It will help!  I had the skill set to write this book.  I was the one to do it and get it out there! etc."   It never felt right...I could still feel the conflict between humility and arrogance brewing in my belly.   

We also tend to adjust our views and values to account for our behaviours. When I do something out of arrogance, I might say, "That's okay.  I am allowed to look after myself and do something that would get me noticed etc. It is good to be noticed.  People who stay in the shadows do not help others."  

If I do something that makes me appear humble to myself or others I might say, "Look at how humble I am.  I am more spiritual than most because of my humility."

This dissonance is terribly uncomfortable and because I have had so little feedback indicating that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to do, I feel a bit cringy and torn inside whenever the feeling and thought emerges, "I shouldn't have put this book out there.  Who did I think I was? " 

At the same time I am intrigued by this thought and the self reflection it leads to.

A Mirror

We need a mirror to look into so we can see what we are doing. May be uncomfortable but necessary.

The attention we pay to the world is a moral act.

 The kind of attention we pay changes the nature of what is manifested.

Seer and seen co-arise.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that we need to pay attention and be mindful of what we are experiencing during decision making, as well to what we are experiencing when we remember our less than skilful behaviours based on unmindful decision making. 

Don't resist the discomfort that comes with both. Look deeply into it and be kind to whatever arises. 

We need to learn to be comfortable with the discomfort that comes with facing the truth we already know under our pseudo value layers, under our behavioural choices...

Don't be afraid to ask before each decision we make. "Will this be skillful, helpful, beneficial to Self (many)? If so, it is a 'good thing, do it!"  "Will it  make myself or others suffer?"If so, it is a bad thing, don't do it!" 

I know with this book, the only one who will suffer is this "me". Yet, I have made other decisions in the past that might have  lead directly or indirectly to the suffering of others.  That is not a nice feeling when I remember those things. The question still needs to be asked: 

 "Oh, did I cause these people to suffer, these beings to suffer with that decision I made in the past that is arising in my memory now?"

After that question is answered,  we can gain the insight needed to do better with the moment we are in now. We need to reexamine our value systems, our beliefs and get rid of the ones that do not serve all. 

We need to learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable if it brings us to Truth and helps us to purify our minds. 

Suffering is not something we have to avoid...it may be our greatest of teachers.

That which we called intolerable...is tolerable; that which we call uncomfortable...is fine. 

Our deepest core beliefs and our most significant guiding values should be based in love. How will we know they are?  By looking deeply into our internal ethics even when it is so uncomfortable to do so. 

Learning to be comfortable with discomfort is the antidote to cognitive dissonance!

All is well!

Plum Village/ Brother Spirit. ( January , 2024) When your World View Begins to Crumble: A Chance to Wake Up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8exs11Mrl94&t=6313s

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Happy Moment?

 This is a happy moment? 

This is a difficult moment...

This is a survivable moment...

This is a tolerable moment...

This is an okay moment...

This is an interesting moment....

This is a new moment...

This is a safe moment...

This is a nondual moment...

This is an interdependent coarising moment...

This is a fascinating moment....

This is a wonderful moment.....

This is a happy moment.....

Brother Spirit/ Plum Village

There was so much inspired thought and wisdom gained from listening to Brother Spirit today talk  about congnitive dissonance and learning to be okay when things don't seem okay....but ....I do not have the time to eloborate. :) 

So, I will leave you with the progressive self talk approach he shared when faced with a difficult or challenging moment that may come when facing truths about one's self. I will get back to the rest of the learning when I have more time and space. 

All is well.

Plum Village/ Brother Spirit. (January, 2024) When Your World View Begins to Crumble: A Chance to Wake Up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8exs11Mrl94&t=6313s

Reminded of the "Awe"

 He could no longer stand in wonder, and stand wrapped in awe, is as good as dead- his eyes are closed.

Albert Einstein

Watch the world through a three-year old's eyes and you cannot help but to stand in wonder and being wrapped in awe.  They are the true scientists and the true spiritual gurus of this world. Spend time with one to open your eyes to how amazing this world is.

Hmm! 

All is well. 

 

No Agenda

Engage the next moment without an agenda.

Pema Chodron

My entries might be sparse over the next week.  Watching my three year old grandson and there is little time for "me" or "my" personal indulgences. I am enjoying every moment of it but man, is it exhausting lol.  How did I do this with four? Anyway...I will try to pop in sporadically during the week, when he sleeps in like he is doing this morning or during nap times.  The problem is, I tend to fall asleep after each story is closed too  :) 

There will, obviously, be no agenda.

All is well