The Broom is too Far Away!

 Just Writing!

I just did a bit of a free flow creative writing exercise and all that came up was the title????  I have no idea what happened to it!

So I am back after two hours to see if I  I can rebuild the story I lost.  I wonder how much actually stuck with me, or if it will flow like it seemed to do as it came off the top of my head. Let's see how much of it I remember.: 

The mat outside the mudroom is piled high with footwear of various shapes and sizes , thrown  in random chaos from  sloppy and hurried feet that had better places to be. I see puddles of dry mud etched with paw prints, also of various shapes and sizes, creeping toward me. I know I should tidy up those shoes and sweep up the dirt but the air around me makes it too heavy to move.  Even if I were to fight through the invisible wall of gravity, to bend down to undo that pile and point all the toes in the same direction, it would be for nothing.  Within minutes those shoes would jump and climb and tumble their way back into the chaotic mountain they long to be in, getting taller each time. 

As for the sweeping...the broom  seems miles from where I am, a distance I cannot even seem to contemplate, let alone attempt to cross. If I was already standing and I  had it in my hands, I suppose I would sweep away the mudroom mud and make my way into this kitchen.  Pellets have managed not only to escape the five metal pet bowls that lay scattered around on the floor, but also my bigger dog's keen awareness and insaitable appetite. She is not one to leave a morsel of food  behind but tonight she has left a trail of  dejected nuggets, that taunt and tease me to do something about it. Sigh.  I am not standing and I do not have the broom in my hands.

I am sitting out at the dining room table where my  computer and writing space , has been randomly and hurriedly relocated from my office  in order to make room for another needy body and mind to crash in. I have chords and wires wrapped around me and the happy checkered spring table cloth  is bunched and wrinkled in a ball beneath my keyboard. It adds to the sad decor of a reality where the only one that cleans is too tired to do so.  If only the broom was not so far away...maybe I could use it to make others do what my body tells me I will not be doing.  

From here I can see the counter top and this mornings dishes, and some of yesterday's too, cluttering for space on this old and tired painted surface.  I also see the "perishable"  junk that should have been put back in the fridge hours ago by others, others who do not seem to know their names. 

And then there is  the banana peels to consider,  wrapped around the base of the blender despite my never ending pleads of "Don't feed the fruit flies!" 

If  I had a broom in my hands, one with a six foot telescopic handle , and some training in the art of horizontal sweeping,  I bet I could clean off that counter in one neat sweep.  I could probably even get the banana peels into the garbage can. I see some considerate soul has already removed the top of that can and has placed in on the middle of the floor, just so I could practice.  In fairness, maybe that someone was not of the two legged version.  Maybe it was my bigger dog, that knocked the lid off in one of her steroid induced binging frenzies. I have yet to train her to replace it. 

It really doesn't matter who took it off, I guess,  or how many times the others trip over it, cursing their way to the fake wood landing, I will be the only one to have the privelege of reacquanting the top of that can/recently turned compost heap with its body. Sigh! It just seems so far away.

Maybe if I had a broom in my hands that had a handle with a ten foot reach and some expert coaching from Wayne Gretzky I could lift that top off of the floor as if it were an obedient puck, making it land exactly where it should be.  It would be so nice to have something around me exactly where it should be. 

But atlas Wayne is nowhere to be found and my broom is still in the mudroom closet, much, much too far away. Sigh...so I will just sit where I am allowing gravity and entropy to do what gravity and entropy do best. 

All is well in my world!

Weebles Wobble

 You do not know where your decisions come from.  They pop up like hiccups... Choice is the  act of hestitation we make before making a decision. ..It is a mental "wobbeling".... Each of these lives is the right one. Every path is the right path. Everything could have been anything else and it would have had just as much meaning. 

Alan Watts

Decisions, decisions, decisions

Back to making major life decisions...and I realized today just how much I have been "wobbeling" . I have been like a Weeble...Do  you remember those? "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down"? 

I have been asking myself, considering a future decision : "What would be the right thing to do if...?" And considering decisions in my present circumstances... "Am I doing the right thing now?" 

Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down

With any decision I feel I have to make, I fear that I will take the wrong path and regret it.  I fear that the choice I make might not be right for someone else impacted by my decisions. I fear that not making a decision to change something is actually a decision that is unhealthy for all. 

What I tend to forget is that I am like the  Weeble...I can't fall down.  I can't make the wrong decision or take the wrong path. 

I can't fall down. I can go from side to side, from this possibility  to that, from this con to that pro, from that road to this one...but I cannot fall down.  I will certainly wobble ...the more I  push myself  this way...the more I will counter that with a movement the other way, just like the pendulum Singer refers to in the untethered soul, swings back and forth. 

We wobble in that act of hesitation but eventually a decision will be made. When  we release the tension on either side, the wobbeling will gradually cease its momentum and we will come to a still and balanced place. We will always end up in this still and balanced place, regardless of what choice we make.

I recently had a loved one make a very painful decision that would change his life forever.  It will actually impact the special relationships he has with those most dear to his heart,  as well.  For that reason he struggled with that decision for months, wobbling back and forth. Others had a part in influencing his decision by making decisions of their own that pushed him a certain way, which he countered with a move in the other direction as Weebles are inclined to do. Until finally a decision was made. It came up like a hiccup. Though the way the decision was expressed could have been a little more appeasing...he made the decision and its done.  

Was it the wrong decision?  

No , it couldn't be .  It just meant he chose one of many paths that would lead him right to where he is now...because right here and right now, in whatever form it is in, is where he is supposed to be . 

No matter how much effort or worry we put into our decison making, how much we wobble this way or that,  and no matter what path we end up on....we cannot make a mistake. Whatever the outcome... it has just as much meaning as the alternative outcome from the other choice. They are one and the same. 

That is pretty profound, isn't it?  I think so.

I may or may not have to make a decision in a few weeks that will change my body and life forever.  That decision, I believe,  will get helped along by what is happening in my body right now to some extent... This decsion, then,  that will need to be made about my body, now and possibly in the future,  leaves me wobbeling ...true ...but it has also  inspired me to make another decision in my present reality that will be for the good of all. 

The decisions all seemed to come together into one beautifully wobbeling Weebble. A Weeble that is wobbeling to a nice balanced stillness.  I feel a certain peace, knowing that.. Hmm!

All is well in my world!

Lean in

 Lean into the discomfort and watch yourself grow.

The Prison and C.O.'s Within Our Minds

Hmm! I feel overwhelmed again as I  watch  life unfold in front of me with what most of us would see as a series of complicated "stressors".  I feel like I am getting zapped or bonked on the head by some mental correctional officer inside my head again and again,  as he warns , "Okay...you are getting too close to where you shouldn't be. Back up." 

And of course, I back up and away from the discomfort. I drop  my eyes from the source of it and therefore I drop my eyes from that which is on the other side of it.  I become afraid of the discomfort and I learn to do whatever I can to avoid the zaps and the bonks. My world then becomes very small and much energy and effort is used to keep me safe within in it. I also attempt to distract from the reality of being imprisoned in between the walls of this discomfort and numb myself with whatever diversional activity I can find, be it contraband or not. (Well that line was just added for dramatic effect...the most contraband thing I am into these days are sugar and  Netflix binges....but you get the picture right...all still numbing and addictive in its diversional ability.) I avoid getting too close to the edges or, heaven forbid,  any attempt to walk through them.

Wanting to Be Comfortable At All Costs

Isn't that what we all do when we live with the goal of staying comfortable and free of pain?  We imprison ourselves inside our minds making our lives smaller and smaller.  We use discomfort as a warning that we are getting too close to freedom  and we allow it to move us back and away again and again? 

Transcendence

What if we were to use discomfort as a sign that we are close to freedom but  instead of seeing it as a warning and an order to step back, we  learned to see it as an encouragment to keep going so we could walk  right into and through those painful and uncomfortable feelings to the freedom on the otherside? That is transcendence, of course, and I believe it is possible for all of us.

What we have to do, then when we feel the zap or the bonk, is to lean in rather than pull back.  

Lean into pain and discomfort? Are you out of your mind?

Yes I am out of my mind when I suggest that, that is how I can suggest it.  :)

And yes we lean even though that seems counterintuitive to our biological makeup.  We have a nevous system rigged up inside of us that makes us automatically and instinctively pull away from pain in order to ensure the survival of the physical body. That is all and good when you accidently place your hand on a hot burner but too many of us are perceiving everything around us as a hot burner to be avoided. We judge this or that as pain inducing, unpleasant and something to retreat from because it has the potential to make us feel uncomfortable, because it stirs up some old internal memories and feelings, or because ego and others tell us  it is a nasty thing. The correctional officers are our judgements, our conditioned beliefs, our perceptions, our aversions and  our fear. 

As counterintuitive as it may seem, practice leaning into pain and discomfort, just lean. Hold the space, don't retreat, lean. And see what happens.

Lean!

Of course, you may not want to start practicing with the hard stuff right? Don't start with leaning into trauma pain or cancer pain.   It is probably best to start small and work up to the big discomforts until we are able to use emotional, and even physical pain as a means to freedom. 

I started with Charlie Horses.  I often get what I judged to be "painful" Charlie Horse Cramps in my feet and calves.  I used to deal with the pain as if I was being zapped by an  electric cattle prod.  I would jump up, scream , "Oh No!" and  clenching my jaw and fists I tried fruitlessly to stamp the pain away.  That was the farthest thing from leaning a person could do. It was also, according to bystanders, pretty funny to watch.

I decided to stop resisting the pain and lean into it when ever a cramp would come.  I would get the zap...the warning...and I immediately reminded myself it was an opportunity to practice. I countered my instinctual reaction to resist the pain and I breathed and leaned into it instead.  I  countered the tendency to get tense and to clench up and I purposefully unclenched my fists and jaws and "relaxed!" I countered my tendency to become the pain or at least get lost in it, and I stepped back and watched it as I leaned into it.  Wow!

Leaning into dsicomfort is an amazing thing and the effects are so dramatic.  You still feel the zap...but that pain does not have to turn into suffering. My cramps last about a quarter of the time they normally would, releasing fairly quickly with less muscle tension.  I do not fear them and now I almost, as crazy as this sound, look forward to them. I like the challenge of a complicated lesson that I know I can master and this is one.

So now I am trying this practice with the other pain I get .  I lean into it and ask, "What can you teach me?" 

Don't get me wrong...I do not seek pain , nor do I want or intend on living a life of suffering. Just the opposite...I want to learn to deal with suffering.  It starts with recognizing, not avoiding, the reality of pain. When I confront pain..I take the first step to preventing suffering ...in order to do that I first must learn to lean into pain.

I also practice with emotions like sadness, anxiety, anger and resentment. I am discovering the more I am willing to lean rather than retreat backwards at the first sign of discomfort,  the less discomfort I experience, the less hold these emotions have on me, and the less imprisoned I feel.

Hmmm!  Well that is my experience anyway, for what it is worth. 

All is well in my world!

Releasing Layers of Resentment

 Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

No one really knows who said that first :) 

I don't know about you but my belly doesn't feel so good.  I drank some posion along time ago and it is still doing a number on me. 

How do we get rid of all this resentment? 

I am still on the topic of resentment.  I am really contemplating the best way to release all this stored stuff so it doesn't make me sick, so it doesn't make those cells on the verge of changing change. 

As I watch myself from that higher place deal with all this I am amazed to find that in some moments , where there was once so much shame and guilt over my resentments, a certain  compassion for myself as well as all those involved.  I am getting somewhere in this practice. :) 

What Resentment Wants

Resentment, I realize then, is not looking to get revenge, to make others or myself  pay, to make others apologize or at least feel guilty for what I assume they did or didn't do.  It is simply trying to express itself so it can live out its span here and then go on to wherever emotional energy  goes when we let go of it. It wants to be released from the knots it is tangled up in within my body and mind. It wants to be free.  Hmmm!

Resentment is just an emotion with a certain degree of energy that is meant  to be processed and then  passed through our experiences. The "now" emotion would pass through so easily and be relased if only the space it was passing through was clear and there was no old unprocessed pain for it to get tangled up in. When I release the "now"  resentment that comes about as a reaction to something I perceive someone else is doing or not doing in this moment, for example, because I am clear and spacious inside ... I am doing something very healthy. I become aware of the resentment, I allow it, I experience it and I release it. What I give off is just a lot of surface level smoke. I and others become aware of the smoke. We   watch as it goes up, up, up, then gone... creating a harmless and healthy flow of emotion.

Resentment Lava

I see though how many of us are not clear and spacious inside. Many of us are stuffed to the rim with old emotion. In people who have a lot of stuffed, unprocessed resentment in them, new resentments can get the old   resentments rumbling as they attempt to  pass through. The new stuff can get tangled up in the old. Strands of the most deeply rooted resentments might  be pulled out with the new stuff. What I give off then, if that is the case, could be contaminated by old wound pain and the person I am confronting may be hit by layers of buried lava, resentment that has nothing to do with them, that has been  pulled up from the bottom of the resentment volcano. 

I definitely do not want to do that. I mean it would feel good to get rid of all that burning stuff inside me, a release... but I would be burning someone else with it. I could also hurt myself with the release of this much heat.(possibly by destroying my  property, relationships, fists etc). 

So release of stored resentment is a healthy goal for all of us. My question is: if there is so much stored stuff in so many layers, as it is in my case, how does one release such resentment in a healthy  way so as to ensure  no one gets hurt worse than they already are? How do we release such resentment and still ensure the Greater Good for all? 

How Do We Release Layers of Stuffed Resentment? 

The first thing I figure we have to do is become aware of resentment when we are feeling it.  Don't deny it , don't swat it away...and do not try to stuff any more pain down into that crater.  Then we have to be aware and accepting of that  fact that we do have resentments from the past  that we have stuffed inside and that need to be processed.  Denying this reality for the sake of appearing to be the better person or more evolved than we actually are will not help anyone. If the feeling of resentment is there either in surface or buried forms,  acknowledge and accept it. 

Then we have to make a committment to practice...and learning to let go of resentment  is a practice full of failures and successes...We commit so we can  release resentment  for the well being of ourselves and the world. 

Next we need to take the reins from ego and give them back to the wise  Observer within. Ego cannot be in charge of the release. That would lead to chaos. We want the higher Self in charge here...we want to operate from a state of awareness and presence not reactivity. We will be able to tell when ego is conducting the release of resentment by how  reactive we are, how dramatic we are, how stuck to story we are and our inability to move forward away from our grudges and grievances. 

Emotions like resentment are usually attached to thoughts about what has happened "out there" that we wish did not happen and often includes thoughts about what people did or didn't do. Things happened.  People did do certain things. Getting beyond resentment doesn't mean we deny what happened  or ignore certain things others have done. We just don't get tangled up in them. We remove judgment and bias from them. We remove the "right" or "wrong"; the "Should have, should not have."  We seperate from the external situations and look objectively at them. In higher Self consciousness we can relay in perfect detail the "happenings" but without the judgements that create the resentment.

Now, why is this important?  I believe it is important because we do need to relay the facts to ourselves about the circumstances or behaviours that have triggered the resentment we are experiencing at the moment or that which has been  stored in with the buried resentment so we can let go of emotional attachment to them.  We need to relay the thoughts because all emotion, I believe, comes from thoughts. In order to release the emotion we need to remove it from the thought.  So we need to create distance, to be able to stand back and observe. In order to detach we have  to remove the thoughts from the past or present "happening" . 

When we can stand back and observe the thoughts and the emotion attached, we are operating from higher Self.  We are not lost or blinded by resentment as ego makes us. We see clearly that the happening, the thoughts we have about it and the resentment are "out there". And "in here" we cannot be harmed by any of it.  "In here" we operate on love and compassion and we simply witness the circumstances and emotions . We are not attched to our resentment and we are not lost in it.  We are just observing it and the life event from a safe and neutral place.

So do we tell our story?

Yes but we do not tell it with the intention to cling but to let go.

 I have been pondering the benefit of story telling for quite a while.  What I have found   beneficial for me in helping me let go of emotion ...is writing  the story (collected thoughts on which the  resentment is attached) and then objectifying it by breaking it down into clear objective facts without the drama ego lives on. Create as much drama as you want in the first draft, let ego drive your emotional story wherever it wants ( as long as you are not sharing it with too many at this point)  but after that first draft is written be sure to then take the reins away from ego.  Begin removing the drama and emotion from the story.  Remove the judgement, the expectation, the heavy descriptive adjectives. Strip it down to the bare facts. When you are looking at it in its emotionless factual state you have  deatched yourself from it.  You have consciously and actively processed through the emotion and then released it. 

A Story for Every Layer

Of course, if we have have many layers of stored unprocessed emotions we need to write many stories, a story for every layer. So we write what we remember associated with that stored resentment starting at the top layer and working our way down. Becasue we may be uncovering painful memories we may want the help and support of a professional or trusted loved one as we do this. 

Exercise

It is also very beneficial to partake in an exercise regime of some kind to actively assist the stuffed emotions to be released from the body.  Walking, yoga ( especially  vinyasa) or Tai Chi may be very helpful in moving those emotions out of you.

 Be Kind to Yourself

Throughout this process you may find yourself unusually irritable and "resentful".  I am sooo irritable lol. You are, after all, releasing painful emotion. Do not beat yourself up . Be kind and compassionate with yourself knowing you are doing something very challenging that will benefit you and the world in the long run. You are clearing yourself out so there is more room for love.

Well that is what I learned from my own resentment freeing process.  I hope it helps you in some small way.

All is well. . 

Observe the Mind

 The unobserved mind is the problem.

Eckhart Tolle

Hmmm!  It is not the event, the person, the weather, or the nasty feelings we are observing that is the problem...it is the mind that is observing them that is.  What should be our object of attention then?  The external situations passing before us or the mind?  

Observe the Mind 

The mind needs to be observed before we can observe anything else cleary. Until we observe and see how the mind operates nothing else will make sense. We will continue to believe what this unobserved mind is telling us...we won't see how mixed up it is making things. All things will be distorted and misunderstood.They will be observed through a thick pair of lens that are not the right prescription.

Observe the mind first. Watch it.  See how it operates and how you tend to believe all the stories it is telling you. How you gladly put those dizzy-making lens on and view the world through them. Catch yourself thinking, making judgements, perceiving, preferring, avoiding or pushing away. See yourself lost in thought.

How do we do that?

Be willing, first of all to step away ...to consider the possibility that this is so and gently step back, creating a space between you and your thoughts so you can observe them.  No one is asking you to "stop thinking"...that would be impossible.  Just make a committment to observe your mind and become aware of the space that exists between thoughts.  In that space realize , "Just then I didn't think." 

Then take it a step farther, before the unobserved mind  pulls you away again, "Prior to that I was thinking about....and I was feeling.... " 

You are using thought to reflect on previous  thought but it is an awareness based thought. When you become aware that you were thinking and can reflect on it with thought...than you are not lost in thought anymore.  You are actually observing your mind...so for that moment the mind is an "observed" mind rather than an unconscious unobserved mind. ...and you are the conscious observer.  You are the awareness. 

It Takes Committed Practice

The more you catch these spaces and catch yourself thinking  the bigger the space will become between each thought and the quicker you will realize you just ran off.  With much practice you will catch yourself while you are lost in thought instead of afterwards and eventually you will be able to catch yourself before you go off on a thought tangent. 

You will also  begin to see the patterns and habits of the mind and be able to observe how they are more destructive than productive. How they not only add to your suffering but are often the cause of it. You will be able to see that what you are seeing through those thick lens is not truth and you will take the glasses off.   You will go beyond the distorted thoughts and perceptins, ideas and beliefs to what is truly real in you.  You will have clarity.

The world you observe then will not be the same one you see now.  It will be perfect just as it is.

Observe your mind!

All is well. 

Let Go of Resentment

 Let go of expectations and live in alignment with what is.

Eckhart Tolle

I have been coming to this place, the last few mornings,  full of ideas and inspiration about things I want to write about only to face the blank page to say, "Huh? I don't know what I want to write about." 

Let's just see what comes out, shall we? 

Resistance/Attachment

I have been slipping in and out of attachment/resistance  to my life situation.  One moment I am as open and as peaceful as can be regardless of what is happening around me.  I find myself looking at the behaviour of individuals that would definitely be considered by societal terms worthy of my upset and resistance...with an accepting and non-judgemental openness I cannot even understand.  

Reactive

And the next moment I find myself irritable and reactive to things I would not normally react to. At those times, I feel myself closing up  as the tightness in my gut becomes my chief body sensation. My mind automatically goes on a hunt for the cause of my grievance and resentment..."out there".  It is easy, these days,  to find someone or something to pin it all on. But is that what I want to do?  Will that bring me what I really want and need? No.

It will bring a great story, lots of exciting drama to share with others. It will feed the ego.  If I were to share it will likely bring all the responses ego thrives  on from others and they will likely validate my reason for resentment.  Resentment will grow.  The sense of "me" as the victim will also grow...the sense of "me" period  will grow. I will find myself clinging to the story, to the drama, to the grievances, to the rationalizations, the  resentment and the situation will grow out of proportion in my mind. I will be stressed and angry, dominated by a story mind created...and far from my peaceful center.

Just Let Go!

And all this will ensue unnecessarily when all I ever had to do was "Let go".  Let go of my resentment before it built up into story.  Let go of my need for resentment in the first place.  Let go of my judgements about what is good, what is bad,  what is a right way for people to behave and what is a wrong way. Let go of my expectations for others and people to be a certain way; for relationships to be a certain way. Let go of a desire to close!

Hmmm!  That doesn't mean I sit back and say or do nothing about the situation.  I can share objective feedback and information about what I am observing and experiencing. I can express my desire for change ( even if change does not occur, as I fear it won't) .  I can once again assert my rights and needs. 

 I can then sit back and watch to see if Life unfolds a different way...while I expect or demand nothing of it.Without expectations there will be no resentment.  Without the added burden of a resenting story...I can evalauate the situation clearly from a higher place.  I will see myself in the others and see them in me...Maybe I will be guided then to do something different and maybe I won't be. 

We will see!

Resentment is a Choice!

We choose resentment people...it doesn't choose us. If we resist what Life offers us...just because those things or people in our experience  do not meet the expectations we have established in our psyches...resentment can follow.  Resentment is a sure sign that we have closed our hearts to others and to Life. 

 Let go! Let go and let your heart open not just for all those around you but for you! 

Well I guess I did have something to write about after all. 

All is well

Mind: An Instrument

The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly.

Eckhart Tolle

Hmmm! Once again I am going to discuss my favorite topic...the mind! 

The human mind is a superb instrument.  It really is.  It allows us to store all the sensory data we pick up everyday...compartmentalizing it into categories that can be filed away in the concious or subconcious filing cabinets.  It helps us to make sense of our outer world and therefore is instrumental in keeping us alive by alerting us to danger. It helps us, of course, to use these bodies effectively, being in a sense the director of the body. 

The body is the car and the mind is the instrument that allows the car to move...the motor.  It is just an impartial tool, an amazing tool actually ....if...used rightly.

Most of us do not use it rightly, do we?  

Infact we often sit back and let ego drive when ego is worse than an intoxicated madman behind the wheel. The ego then encourages the mind to just run off dragging us behind it, pulling us in this direction or that. We end up used by the mind instead of the other way around.

The mind was not meant to be in charge of where we go in Life.  It is just an impartial instrument meant to help us get around in these earthly forms.  We...who we really are beyond mind and body...are meant to be in charge of the mind, the one operating the mind. 

Yet most of us feel the ego-driven  mind is in charge of us.  We listen to what it has to say, we believe it and follow its advice.  We allow it to pull us around from here to there.  

We should instead allow the deeper I to drive.

The deeper I, within all of us, is meant to drive the mind... 

Who is the "I" ...the real operator of the mind?

 The deeper I is the inner presence and essence that doesn't change or react to all the varying obstacles that show up on the road in front of us. Unlike the inebreated ego it keeps a steady course down the middle of its lane ...in no hurry or no rush to get anywhere.  It just is where it is. 

Unlike the ego that can fly into road rage flipping off all the drivers that are passing it or going too slow in front of it...it kindly accepts and sees the beauty in all others. 

Whereas the  ego doesn't notice all the beautiful scenery  around it as it uses the mind to quickly  get to its destination, the "I" sees and appreciates  all that is around it. It sees this moment as its destination.  

When "I" is driving the mind is used rightly...when ego is driving the road is a very scary place to be on. 

So what do we do to ensure this instrument is used rightly?

Take the keys away from ego and give them back to the "Deeper I",  the only part of us that truely  knows how to drive. 

All is well! 

To Write or Not To Write...

We  live in illusion and appearance of things. There is a reality.  We are that reality. When you understand this,  you will see that  you are nothing; and being nothing you are everything. That is all.

Kalu Rinopche

Hmmm! I don't know what to write today.  

I have a lot of ideas tumbling around in my head like: maybe I could explain why  I  posted the poem here the other day.. and what the objective was as  an assignment from In The Palm of your Hand ; to discuss  my interest in two new physics related things I learned about recently: axioms and muons and the new groundbreaking research being done that would reveal a fifth natural law to add to gravity, electromagnetism, strong force, and  weak force; sharing how I love  spring  which always brings me back to talking about "hope"; teaching about Yin Yoga and or maybe just talking about  my experience of Life from this little clump of flesh. :) And I have  this other poem  forming in the clouds of my mind...I wonder if I should  open the page up to it, so it can come out? 

There is a lot I could write about....

But ...

I don't think I am going to write about anything right now. I just don't think I want to .:) 

Have a wonderful day!

All is well in my world.

Accept it like You Chose It

 Accept what happens as if you have chosen it .

Eckhart Tolle/Wayne Dyer

I have heard that piece of wisdom from many but the two echoing voices that stick in my head are Wayne Dyer's and Eckhart Tolle's.  

New age?  

No...it is ancient wisdom, as far as I am concerned.  This is the premise of many ancient teachings.  If you want freedom from suffering...then accept...accept Life as it unfolds in front of you right here, right now, no matter what she is offering. 

It is our resistance to Life based on our unending need to judge what is good and what is bad, what is pleasant, and what is painful, what should be grasped and clung to and what should be avoided or swatted away. ...that creates suffering...not Life.  Life is just doing what Life does.  It is what it is. 

Stop grasping at it for the things you judge as "good"and potentially happy-making and stop swatting at it when you see things you judge as bad, or that you assume will bring suffering. 

Events! All of it...just events, just surface phenomena. We waste so much energy trying to control what we allow to enter our experiences that we do not experience Life fully. Put down your butterfly nets and your tennis rackets and just experience Life here and now! It is perfect just the way it is in all its apparent "chaos". 

Whether you actually chose it or not, whether you actually are responsible for everything that is happening in your outer experience or not, doesn't matter.  It really doesn't.  But act as if you chose it and you are less likely to swat any offering from Life  away. You will accept it, embrace it, honor it and cherish it.

Hmmm!

Something to think about.

All is well. 

Don't Love Your Life Too Much

 For years and years I struggled just to love my life. And then

a butterfly arose, weightless in the wind. "Don't love your life too much," it said,

and vanished into the world.

Mary Oliver https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8347391-for-years-and-years-i-struggled-just-to-love-my

I love that!

As I continue to absorb all I have learned from Michael Singer's book, the untethered soul, I question our attachment to life in this busy world.  Life is so very, very  precious but our personal experience of it in these clumps of flesh,  like everything in this world, will pass away.  It will not last.  The knowledge of its eventual end can cause great sorrow and suffering for many of us.  We have a tendency then to want to deny the reality of Life's 10, 000 sorrows. ...

Yet, we are encouraged by wise individuals like Jack Kornfield to pay attention to all the change taking place in us and around us,  to truly notice how everything is subject to loss.  This coming and going,  is the natural course of existence.  Everything that arises will pass away.  Instead of denying or running from this reality...we are encouraged to turn  around and face it, embrace it.

Hidden in impermenance is the creativity of Life; hidden in the suffering is the endless capacity to feel. (somewhat paraphrased from Episode 35- Wisdom and Characteristics of Life)

Hmmm! Something to think about.

All is well!

Be Here Now Network (October, 2017) Jack Kornfield-Episode 35-Wisdom and Characteristics of Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l97qRmdMlWE

Going Somewhere?

 Where are you going? Even if you have no basis for understanding what is happening to you, you are still having the undeniable experience of going somewhere.

Michael Singer, page 174

I finally finished 'studying' the untethered soul, for the third time.  Now I am absorbing it at a deeper level than I did before.  Why?

Cuz low and behold I am getting a bit deeper.  I am actually moving somewhere.  That direction of movement is not "out there".  I am stepping away to some degree from my physical and psychological being and into my spiritual being. It is quite amazing to realize that is what is happening to me.

Back, in and up.

The direction we go then, to tap into our higher nature, involves a drifting  back,  a settling in  and a lifting up. 

Let's start with lifting up.

When we think of God, or think of the spiritual we have a tendency to look up, don't we?  We use the term "ascended beings" to describe those who are close to God, and "up there" in reference to Heaven. We have a sense of going up.

Regardless of what our cultural beliefs are in regards to the Divine we know that contact with It involves  going "up".  We are constantly going from a lower state of consciousness and vibration to a higher state.  That is what we are designed to do. We go from "low" energy to "high"  which will manifest as going from a certain illness propensity to wellness, from suffering to peace, unhappiness to joy, from fear to Love.  We are moving up from low to high.

Now let's look at drifting back.

How do we drift back? We first need to understand  the two experiences we have.  We have the experience of the world in front of us ...the foreground of our existence which includes all the form that is swirling  around us. It is a physical and psychological world consisting of things, thoughts, feelings, beliefs etc. What I call the "busy world".  

Then we have the "real world" in the background...ultimate spacious stillness and emptiness , the background on which the foreground is painted.  

In order to drift back we need to  let go of that which we are clinging to, of our attachment to everything in the forefront of our existence... We stop holding on to the erroneous belief that the form moving around us and through us  has  the power to  bring happiness or unhappiness to us. We let go of "ego" or this tendency to defend and attack for "little me" and we let go of the perspective  that this is who we are and where we belong.  We let go of the tendency then toward  reactivity...

And as soon as we let go we drift back away from our identification with things in this world. We drift  back from our identification with  mind and body.  We are no longer lost in it and as soon as we release our hold we drift back behind this illusion of a busy world. We create a distance between ourselves and our thoughts and emotions. 

Now what is interesting is that we cannot go "up"very far  in the world that exists in front of us. It has a very low ceiling because it is based on so many limiting beliefs.  If we try to go up using mental concepts or physical abilities we will keep bonking our heads on the ceiling. 

Think of it like  being a helium balloon in a room with a very low ceiling that was built as an add on in front of a room with the highest ceiling...infact with no ceiling. As a helium balloon it is natural for you to lift up but you can only lift to the ceiling.  If you want to really go up you have to slip back into the other room behind you where there is no ceiling.  You have to drift back into the background that is spacious and infinite. Of course to do that, you can't be holding on to the door frame of the low ceiling room.  You have to let go.

In?

Well in is a relative term as are all the directional pointers we are using. What is "in" really? 

What helps me to visulaize going "in" is to think of going deeper, going beyond the superficial outer world to the inner, going beyond the body or the psyche to the empty hollowness  inside. Kind of like the insides of a hollow Chocolate bunny. ..just space.  Spirit is in this space, it is this space and the more we are here the less we are going to identify with that thin chocolate layer around us. We settle into that space. So if someone or something comes and takes a big chomp out of that outer layer...it isn't going to bother us. 

When we drift back, settle in and lift up we identify more with spirit than form. 

What does it feel like to identify more with Spirit than with form?You used to walk around feeling tension; now you walk around feeling love. You just feel love for no reason.  Your backdrop is love.  Your backdrop is openness , beauty and appreciation. 

You are going somewhere!

All is well in my world.

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. Oakland: New Harbinger/ Noetic Books

Walking the Path

 What happens to one who walks the path toward God? What transformation do they go through along the way?

...imagine what would happen if you started feeling tremendous love for all creatures, for every plant, for every animal, and for all the beauties of nature.

Imagine if every child seemed like your own, and every person you saw looked like a beautiful flower, with its own color, its own expression, shape, and sounds.

As you went deeper and deeper, you would start noticing a phenomenal thing-you are no longer judging. The process of judging has simply stopped.

There is just appreciating and honoring.  

Where there used to be judging, there is now respecting, loving, and cherishing.

To differentiate is to judge. 

To see, to experience, and to honor is to participate in life instead of standing back and judging it.

Michael A. Singer, the untethered soul, 2007/New Harbinger/Noetic Books, page 176-177

All is well!

Living Between the Edges

 The extremes create their opposites; the wise avoid them. Find the balance in the center and you will live in harmony page  172

I, upon revisiting the article that came out of me almost four years ago,  was reminded of what I would do if my time was limited.  I was reminded, therefore, of how I really want to live Life on a daily basis.  Am I living this?:

• Accept the temporary nature of all things including my physical life.
• Look for and find the miracle of life in everything around me from the sunrise to the air I breathe. It is all miraculous.
• Honour life with everything I do.
• Find meaning by serving. Make everything I do a service to others, the world, and self.
• Smile and laugh as much as I can.
• Take a few moments here and now to stop doing and just be.
• Partake in a spiritual practice at least twice today for 20 minutes: pray, meditate, be mindful.
• Try! Commit myself to facing at least one of my fears that is getting in the way of me having the life I want.
• Make amends with someone who I have estranged from and love everyone I see.
• Write a list of all the things I am grateful for and say thank you to life!

Yeah I am living the above. 

It's good to know I am doing something right these days. :) And gratfeully, feeling the way I feel, these are  things that do not require a lot of physical effort, a lot of swinging from one extreme to another.  They are things that keep me in the here and now.  They keep me centered.

I want to talk, then, about being centered, about being balanced...about being in the Tao.

In The Tao? 

The more you can work with the balance, the more you can just sail through Life.  Effortless action is what happens when you come into the Tao.  Life happens, you're there, but you don't make it happen.  There is no burden; there is no stress.  The forces take care of themselves as you sit in the center.  That is the Tao.  It's the most beautiful place in your life.  You can't touch it[ or see it, know it, or name it], but you can be at one with it. page 171

So the Tao is that empty, hollow , unmoving, undisturbed space in the center of all Life. 

Events, circumstances, the busyness of this world, according to our minds,  is constantly swirling around it  like a cyclone ...one extreme one way leading to an opposite extreme the other way. The Tao is the eye of that storm, feeding off the energy of that storm as the balance point of all extremes. All energy, then, is in the Tao but unlike the events that seem to be  moving in a frenzy around it, that seem to be swinging away to the right or away to the left of it...no effort is required.  It just is.

Now we have a choice we can get caught up in or  lost in the swirling extremes...the going ons around us, the swinging back and forth of a pendulum...or we can sit in the center as the stilled pendulum does, as someone in the eye of the storm does and simply watch undisturbed by what is going on around us. This is true balance.  Approaching Life from here requires little effort, srain or stress. 

How do we stay in the Tao when Life is so chaotic and confusing?

We need to realize that Life is not confusing. We are confused.  

Our minds are creating an appearance of chaos. We are confused because we, as 'little me'  are constantly getting swept up into the whirlwinds of the mind.  It's like we are being blown around in that cyclone while we hold a butterfly net  in one hand and a tennis racket in another.  We try to sweep up and cling to all the things that are swirling around  us that we believe will settle us and swat away all the things that we believe will hurt us. We go from one hand to the other, one extreme to another in hope that we will calm the storm when all we are doing is increasing the intensity of  it.  So much effort...so much action is required of us to do this  and we are exhausted getting nowhere. 

It all seems so chaotic and confusing...when it is just our minds  that are confused. We just don't realize how confused we are. We see Life as creating a personal onslaught of confusion when it is not that way at all. We are  thinking it is all happening to us when we are merely confused  about our part in all this. 

In the Way, nothing is personal.  You are merely an instrument in the hands of the forces, participating in the harmony of balance. page 171

Life is not confusing.  Life is just unfolding before us as it is meant to do in order to create balance.  It is our focus on the unbalanced, on the swinging extremes that is confusing us.  All we need to do, then,  is put down the tennis racket ( stop resisting and pushing Life away), put down the butterfly net ( stop trying to fix, attain, add, cling to selected aspects of Life) and just allow ourselves  to slip into the center of the storm.  

You must reach the point where your whole interest lies in the balance and not in any personal preference for how things should be. page 171

As soon as we stop exerting effort for this or that...everything naturally falls toward the middle and we become centered. We can watch Life from there and eventually see how perfect and orderly it all is.

How do we stay in the Tao when we cannot see it, touch it name it or know it?

Imagine you are blind:

 In the Tao, you are blind, and you have to learn to be blind.  You can never see where the Tao is going; you can only be there with it?page 171

Like a blind person will do walking along a sidewalk with a cane , all you can do is feel for the edges of each extreme  and walk between them. Try to stay in the middle. As soon as you feel an edge move inward.  If you begin to feel a preference for something you erronously believe will settle you...take a step inward from that reducing the swing of that pendulum.  When you start to feel an aversion for something, take a step inward away from that edge.  

This will reduce your reactivity, your  reliance on duality and the mental, emotional and physical behaviours that result from it.  It will reduce the intensity of the storm within your mind; it will reduce your confusion and your disturbance.  It will center you and balance you. 

It will give you the ultimate clarity so you can look out at Life and see its perfection, as  you  walk right down the middle of your path,  living and breathing in the Tao. 

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( 2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/ Noetic Books

A Breath Away

 

A wise person realizes that at any moment they may breathe out and the breath may not come back in.

Michael A. Singer,  page 158

"If with one breath this can change, then I want to live at the highest level while I'm alive. I'm going to stop bothering the people I love.  I'm going to live life from the deepest part of my being."

Michael A. Singer, page 159

Talking About Death

Crazy lady is going to get a little morbid. :)

Well it will seem that I am being morbid and untimely talking about death,  it being the season of new life and resurrection-Easter/spring. I believe, however, it is a perfect time to talk about it because when we look  at Death we see the preciousness of Life. Easter is all about the dying of one thing (our attachment to physicality) for something much greater.

I do not see myself as morbid and I am not saying I am overly wise either. I have just learned to look at death differently and doing so has made a tremendous difference in how I approach Life. 

An Article On the Subject

In 2017 I wrote an article on this very subject. It got published on an online site called Global Harmony.[I didn't know much about this site other than I loved the name, they have great photo-images and they accepted my 4th article when I was doing a self imposed  write 8 articles/publish 8 articles in a ferw months challenge. ] I will enclose the link at the bottom of this page if you care to read it.  It is long winded as I tend to be when I am discussing things that seem Life enhancing and transformative. 

I was thinking of that article when I was reading Chapter 17 in Singer's book, Contemplating Death. I think it said all I would say in response to this chapter even though I had not read the untethered soul until after I  wrote it.

The article was about living your Life like you only have 24 hours left.  In his book, Singer encourages us to ponder what we would do and how we would live if we discover we only have one week left. Once you determine what you would do, therefore what is most important, then ask yourself why you are not doing that now? 

If you were to ask this question of people who are truly awakened, they wouldn't have any problem answering you....If death were to come in an hour, if death were to come in a week, if death were to com in a year, they would live exactly the same way as they're living now. There is not a single thing they carry inside of their hearts that they would rather be doing.  In other words, they are living their lives fully and are not making compromises or playing games with themselves. page 159

Would you be able to answer that question as easily?  Or are you still wasting time, squandering Life, treating it like its not something precious? 

Hmmm! I need to really reflect on that question again and on the 24 hour to do list I added at the conclusion of my article.  I realize now that I am not afraid to die but am I living fully? 

Doing More?

When I ponder the idea that I may be  missing out on "big moments" and I have to "do" different things, fill my bucket list with new adventures I feel more than a little pressured.  It is like "Oh man...do you mean there are more things I have to add to my already full plate just to say I am living life fully? " 

Singer helps to make that a little easier to digest by reminding us it is not about the doing or adding to our lives...it is about the "being" in our lives.  If we have to "do" something...it will simply be to go deeper. 

Going Deeper

Making the most of Life  has little to do with adding more or catching that high we are chasing. It is not about filling our days with the "big moments"we are so afraid we are missing out on, either.  It is just about being there fully in each moment, no matter what is happening in it, experiencing it, appreciating it and loving it for what it is. 

The beauty of addressing deep truths is that you don't have to change your life; you just change how you live your life.  It's not what you are doing; it's how much of you is doing it. page 160 

We are all living on borrowed time.  These bodies will not last forever.  At some undetermined time, the heart will beat its last beat, the lungs will breathe their last breath and our bodies will cease to be. Knowing that and making that a part of your awareness everyday is not a morbid thing to do...it is a very wise thing to do.  

Death shows us how all things are temporal, coming and going and we in these forms are offered a slice of precious Life to witness and experience ...We come in and we go out in some beautiful dance we are a small part of.  

We need to look beyond this idea of  "my life".  This is going deeper. It is not our life...we are just witnessing it as it comes in and as it goes out. Let's make the most of this time we have being the witness  while we can. Contemplating death can remind us to do that!

All is well in my world! 

Micahel A. Singer (2007) the untethered soul.  New Harbinger/Noetic Books

My article: http://www.globalharmonycrew.com/how-to-make-the-most-of-your-life-the-24-hour-life/

Revising Poetry

 

 In poetry everything is permitted.

With only this condition , of course.

You have to improve on the blank page.

Niconar Parra

 

Sharing a revised poem as part of an exercise from  In the Palm of Your Hand. The objective was to take a poorly written rhyming poem with several of the commonly found poetic mistakes in it and revise it. So I chose this poem from an entry on February 21.  It came out very quickly and it was very poorly written.  There were hundreds of mistakes and poorly written clauses. 

I tried editing to keep it rhyming because it came out rhyming but that was taking too much time and effort so I tried , as the book suggests, to put it in free verse or prose. This could use many more revisions.

I am only sharing it here because the poem originally came out here and it came out here for a reason. 

 Climb to Clarity and the Five Hindrances

Only a moment ago I stood before this massive mountain,

determined to conquer its summit ,

to stamp my triumphant foot upon its peek

and look over the craggy edge 

with newly earned clarity,

I wanted to be able to finally see 

all that was perfect and real

in this world  and in me.

Even the early morning light was saluting me,

radiating support from a perfect blue sky

as I braced myself for this adventure.

I stood at the mountain base,

believing I was so prepared  to begin 

until suddenly

the path that would lead me to my destination

appeared before my untrained eyes to be 

so very, very rough and long.

My heart beat quickened. I wanted to turn around.

If it wasn’t for the invisible Sherpa

hidden within my chest whispering, “climb!”

I would not have moved forward.

The climber within, however, 

would do what it was here to do.

Sighing loudly I lifted my hiker above my reservations and

I took the first step to a better way of being. 

 

Hindrance One: Sensual Desire

I took one step then another, after that another.

I walked and walked and walked

until morning became noon.

The sun beat down upon my skin

turning it a vibrant red.

My muscles ached and the blisters on the souls of my feet bled,

still I walked and walked and walked.

Just when my breath took on the heavy quality of the exhausted

and the thirst of a dessert wanderer burned within my throat,

I spotted a caravan tucked into a remotely hidden alcove of shade.

It’s owner dressed in the finest mulberry silk,

and with heavy Gold bracelets clanking together on his wrists,

came out to greet me.

He guided me to a shady table in amongst the beautiful people

who smiled seductively at me as they gathered all around.

He filled my cup to overflowing and placed plate upon plate

of foreign delicacies in front of me until I found myself so pleasured

I forgot that I was tired.

While the drowsiness of satisfaction oozed through my limbs

he sat down beside me and smiled a perfect smile,

“The road to the top is very hard,” he warned me, “full of sacrifice and misery.

Why not stay behind and hide yourself in all the comfort and luxury I can provide?”

I so wanted to lean into his offer, to stay within his safe and shaded oasis,

to sample all the wonderful things he could provide for me

but once again that little voice inside said “climb!”

I politely put down my cup and leaving a small tip on the linen table cloth

I stood up and began the climb again.

Hindrance Two: Ill Will

Again, I walked and walked and walked,

pretending not to notice as the sky got dark above me

and the wind tugged at my hair and clothes

trying to warn me of what was to come.

I squished down the knowing and I walked.

Before long the sky opened up, pouring  down its fury.

I stopped to hide beneath the full maternal limbs of the nearest pine. 

As I stood there shivering and catching my breath

I heard the desperate voice of another cursing at the rain.

Ahead of me squatting on the side of the path, gasping and in pain 

was a fellow traveller expressing his suffering loudly

to the clouds above our head that  paid no heed.

I left my flimsy shelter and ran to his side to see if he was okay.

He just hissed at me under his breath and swatted me away

as he continued to curse at the sky.

I began to retreat to leave him alone with his misery

but he reached out his hands and grabbed my legs

knocking me down to the ground .

He lay on top of me with all his weight.

I could not move.  I could not cry.  I could not make a sound. 

He spat out his pain and dripped out his resentment,

soaking me with his wrath. 

Then when he was done he got up and

kicked dust in my face before he walked away.

Broken and bruised I lay where I was for what seemed

Like a very long time.

 “Climb!” the little voice within demanded.

Hindrance Three: Sloth and Torpor

I got up then and tried to shake the heaviness of the other off

but his weight would not leave me.

The dark cloud that rained on him followed me,

hiding away any trace of  light.

My mind, so full of his darkness, 

lost its will to go on.

“Stop!" It cried, "rest, you are tired!”

but I remembered my promise and  I travelled on,

dragging heavy limbs

and even heavier thoughts behind me.

I continued to trudge the path to nowhere ,

the end of which I was so sure I would never meet.

Every step required an effort I did not seem to have.

I wanted nothing more than to lie down somewhere

and go to sleep forever.

The little voice, so weak but still persistent,

continued to whisper, “Climb!  Climb!  Climb!”

So I pushed past sloth and torpor and I climbed

 

Hindrance Four: Restlessness and Worry 

With head down I planted one foot  and then the other

I walked and walked and walked.

As I walked on, my determination lifted me somehow,

making each step easier

until it seemed I overcame the obstacle and

had a sense the remaining path would be clear.

As soon as I whispered, ‘thank goodness’ through my labored breath,

other travellers came from nowhere to stand in front of me.

Worry and its restless forms surrounded me and blocked me from going farther.

 The noisy, squawking journeymen jumped back and forth like monkeys,

 pulling me here and there; listing all the things that could go wrong.

Chattering, spinning and pulling at my mind 

they tied me in a knot.

Tangled up and  frightened

I found myself once again unable to go farther

I could not seem to move.

In amongst the fear that rumbled in my belly

came the whisper once again, “Climb!”

I untangled myself from the chaotic mess

turned to Worry and monkey mind’s gang and said

“No !I will not let you stop me!”

Hindrance Five: Doubt and Skepticism

Pushing past their grabbing hands,

I carried on and headed up the hill

so sure that after so much struggle

my temptations would be over.

Life had other plans.

Another traveller jumped from the bushes

before me and stood in my way. 

In a voice all too familiar Doubt painfully listed

the many reasons why I would  fail

in getting to the summit at the end of this long and dusty path.

"You are just not good enough." she wailed.

"You do not have what it takes to succeed

Besides what awaits at the top is just New Age nonsense,

it won't give you what you need."

Her words were so convincing they broke me;

they dropped me to my knees;

And I found myself bent over, unable to go on.

I was so sure that this time, it was it.  It was over.

I turned myself around, following Doubt’s pointing finger

for the quickest way to crawl back to the bottom.

And just when I was about to make  my retreat

the sun broke through the cloud, pouring 

the golden healing light of hope down on me.

I was reminded of my commitment and the voice within me

 once again whispered, “Climb!”

I got up for the last time,

I turned myself around and walking past Doubt 

 I followed the trail before me.

It began to so graciously unwind.

 

I walked and walked and walked.

I climbed and climbed and climbed.

Just when my body cried, “No more!”,

the finish line appeared in front of me,

illuminated in the golden red of sunset.

I had  reached  the top of this mountain 

with its glorious scenic  ledge.

 I sat down on its craggy edge 

and looked out with newly earned inner eyes

to see the world in all its amazing beauty 

more clearly than I ever did before.

I seen myself reflected in its depth

and I seen it reflected in me. 

It was all so perfect exactly as it was.

Weeping in both exhaustion and awe, 

I said a prayer of gratitude

for all the hindrances that tempted 

and taunted me along the way.

I knew then that Life was not there to punish me 

but to challenge me,

to activate the inner Sherpa within me 

so I would climb to my freedom... 

...so I could see what I was meant to see

and  be what I always was.

Dale-Lyn February, 2021