Welcome! Spring Light!

A light exists in spring

not present on the year

at any other period.

When March is scarcely here

 

a colour stands abroad

on solitary hills

that science cannot overtake

but that human nature feels.

Emily Dickinson "A Light Exists in Spring."

 There is no object so foul that intense light will not make it beautiful.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Leap of Faith!

Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.
Rabindranath Tagore

 

 Leap of Faith

 

 

I have decided to take another leap of faith.  To give up some old tired and socially ingrained beliefs that have lead to an exhausting  20 year cat and mouse  chase for me, getting me nowhere but "sicker", more broke, and stuck in fear generated despair. I asked the universe, over and over again, the old familiar question: "Why me?  Why is this assumption sticking so tenaciously to me at the cost of so much?  Why can I not get past it so I can get what I need, what I deserve?"

 

The answer is simple.  I am to learn and to grow from this wonderful experience of so called suffering.  I am to bless it and embrace it, for it is turning me around and pointing me in the direction I truly want to go in. It is showing me the healing I really need which has nothing to do with institutions the rest of society is dependent on...but on me, on what lay within me.

 

There is a Buddhist proverb found in Wayne Dyer's There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem (2001), "If you are facing in the right direction, all you need to do is keep walking."

 

All this time I have been facing in the wrong direction, looking for answers and help in places I will never get it.  I was stepping forward again and again, thinking I was doing all the "right" things, taking all the "right" steps for myself and others but now I realize I was going the wrong way.  I was pushing against. I was resisting what is.  Now, I  have to turn around and face another direction. 

 

There is really only one problem and therefore only one solution.  The problem I face is not in what my body seems to be doing, in my physical and emotional pain, in the financial issues or in other "life circumstances."   The solution then will never be found in the right diagnosis, the right procedure, the right treatment or the right external support. The only solution I need is God.  

 

If getting help would have been easier...I would never have gotten to this point of absolute realization. For that, I am so very grateful.

 

I am ready to take that leap of faith and walk in this other direction: inward. In order to do that, I have to disentangle myself from all that was holding me back. I have to be free. Some would call it "Giving up and giving in" but I call it freedom. Wow! How wonderful it will be to live again.

 

In the physical world sense, this thing I am deciding to do  may be seen as a risky and dangerous leap.  In the "real world" sense, however, it is just a change in direction and one tiny step forward in the "right" direction.

 

 

It is all so very good.



Only One Problem

The problem of separation, which is really the only problem, has already been resolved. Yet the solution is not recognized because the problem is not recognized.
ACIM Lesson 79:1:4-5

Wow!  I am talking a lot about problems aren't I?  Well there is a reason for that. Well, actually a couple of reasons for that. 

Perceiving Problems

The first reason is that I am experiencing this perception of "problem" in my own life.  I am feeling somewhat distressed and dis-eased both physically and emotionally. My ego mind tells me to "solve it", "fix it" or at the very least push it aside.  Despite how much I grow away from ego, I can still hear it in the background of my life pulling at my ankles to bring me down. It tells me that I do not have the ability to solve it.  Things are not going to get better etc etc. I feel stuck in the muck...guilty and ashamed that I am here. Yuck!

The Fix

So what do I do when I feel this way? I half-listen to ego.  I call  out loud to myself and to whomever will listen be they furry or skinned, "I have a problem!"  I use the word "problem".  Then I mistake my problem for being something externally created and seek my solutions there. I  reach for something outside myself to help me resolve my issues. I ask ego:  "What do I need to do?"  I pick up books, I listen to wise teachers, I look for guidance and support outside myself.

Serendipity and Synchronicity

That brings me to the second reason, I am talking about problems.  Serendipity and synchronicity have both popped up out of the blue to guide me inward.  It seems that everything I pick up , or continue to study in the sequence it was intended...is talking about problems.  Every page I open up to is speaking to the idea of solution.  I have been studying the lessons from A Course  daily for the third time since late December.  As, on schedule, I open up to lesson 78,79...all about problems.  I found A Spiritual Solution for Every Problem by Wayne Dyer sitting on my dresser last week when I was looking for something to read before bed.  (I like to read inspirational words before I drift off) .  I don't even know how it got there but I picked it up and started reading it.  Found peace is every breath on my table yesterday and opened up to this quote, "Our happiness or lack of happiness  depends mostly on our state of mind, not on anything external."  Then I ran into YouTube Videos that spoke about our understanding of problems.  That is just to name a few of the things that were helping me with this dilemma of "perceived problem."

One Direction

The kooky thing is...they all pointed in the very same direction so there was no way I could deny where I was being told to go. Each and every thing that "showed up" both expectedly and unexpectedly pointed to the same direction to go for solutions: inward.  They showed me that the problems were not what I thought they were...they existed only in my thinking.  More importantly they were showing me that I was perceiving myself as separate from Something I can never truly be separated from. 

One Problem; One Solution

I looked inside and I realized that I was pinching God out so ego could be heard.   That and only that was the problem!!! So obviously the only solution was to stop pinching myself off...to disentangle myself from ego's hold and to step into the light where I belong. In that light, "problem" is not understood at all because it doesn't exist.

So obviously I felt compelled to do the videos yesterday...a reminder to me and to all others who might stumble upon these pages perceiving "problems" in their own lives, that there is only one problem and it is easily solved. There you have it!  (like it or not lol)

All is well in my world.

References/ Recommended Reads:

ACIM

Dyer, Wayne (2001) There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem. New York: Harper.

Thich Nhat Hanh (2011) peace is every breath. New York: Harper

The Solution To Every Problem

Whatever solution you seek for whatever problem you may have [perceive to have]is available to you in this moment.
Wayne. w. Dyer from There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, page 121

Do You Believe That?

Most of us would say: "That depends on what the problem is and what you mean by this moment?" We place conditions and restrictions on these words. Most of us believe that big problems like poverty, illness, broken hearts take time to be resolved.  There are things we have to do to fix, come up with a plan, change our circumstances, get external help so that the problem is solved, don't we? So how on earth can the solution to every problem be available right now if we have not yet done the work?

All problems are internal?

Say what?  What's so internal about having no money in my account or having a roof that is leaking?  What is so internal about this mass on my belly or this car accident I was just in?

These things could definitely be  in your physical experience but they are not the problem.  The problem is how you react emotionally, cognitively and behaviourally because of the circumstances that surround you. 

Example

Some person may get into a fender bender on the way to work and get out of their car screaming, yelling, and ready to punch the other person out. They think the worse about "why these things always happen to me", worry about the damages, get caught up on how this "should not" have happened and ponder obsessively on the "what ifs" as the thoughts spiral out of control.  They then make threats and say things or do things they cannot take back.  They sue or worse physically attack the other person and get sued. They hold onto this grievance for days, weeks, decades.

The problem is not the car accident...the problem is how the person reacted to it.

Another person may have the same accident with the same amount of damages.  They may  get out of their car, smile politely at the "offender", assess the actual damage and figure it is very doable.  They may do what they are legally expected to do but forgive the other person and go on with their day. They accept what happened and then let go of it.  It is no longer a problem for them.

The Solution is Internal

What made the problem in the first scenario? The accident or the reaction?  Think about it. The solution then is working on our reaction, is it not?

Sure, having a fender bender is an annoying thing we do not want to have to experience but more than likely we will at some point in our lives have one.  It is not a problem, however, until we make it a problem.  If we look at the situation as the fellow did in scenario One, we may have some issues with our perception, our attachment of value onto things that really have so little value, our resistance to what is and with our ability to control our minds where all problems really exist. The mind is the problem, not the dented bumper. If the mind is the problem , maybe it is there we have to go for the solution.

What is a problem anyway?

Would we not agree that a problem is anything that causes discomfort, distress, or suffering of any kind? So if we want to solve it, we need to get to the cause of suffering which is not what is going on in the external world. We see instead that our perception, thinking and behavioural reactions as the cause of of our suffering.

It wasn't the accident that caused the suffering,  it was the mind.  Look at the second scenario.  Did this guy have a problem?  He had the same accident but his approach to it was peaceful.  Aha!  The answer then...the solution then to "every" problem is peace.

Peace is the solution

If we approach all external life events with in a state of peace, we will see things differently, we will experience things differently.  We will accept and emote and be done with it.  We will not hold onto grievances, stay stuck in negativity, or "suffer". We will let go and go on living the wonderful lives we were meant to.

How to Approach Life Peacefully

We need to develop peaceful minds now, before life does what it does and despite the fact that life is doing what it does.  We find moments of stillness and silence.  "Be still and Know..." We go inward instead of outward as we change our perceptions lovingly and with forgiveness. We come to terms with who we really are and from Whom we came...and man how could anything be perceived as a problem then?

The solution to every problem can be found right now by simply going inward to the peace that has always been there.

All is well in my world.

Be Kind Anyway.

 

 

Speak Beautiful Words Anyway

Anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people might cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you have got anyway.

Dr. Kent M. Keith from The Paradoxical Commandments

Say What?

Aren't those Mother Teresa's words?  Isn't the real name of that poem The Final Analysis? Aren't you purposefully omitting the line: You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway? Are you taking her beautiful words away, retitling the poem she wrote, and giving credit to someone else?  How could you?  She was a Saint?

Where the Words Really Came from

Mother Teresa was a Saint, as far as I am concerned.  She was the epitome of what we should all strive for as human beings. She was not, however, a great writer. 

She certainly lived by those beautiful words above but she  did not write them.  She actually took them  from a Harvard sophomore by the name of Kent Keith who wrote them as part of a leadership guide he created  for student council.   She loved them so much she plastered the above words on the wall of her Calcutta mission in poem like verse.  She...oops...forgot to credit the author when she did so.  So when author, Lucinda Vardey, visited the mission in order to write Mother Teresa's biography she noticed the poem  on the wall and spoke about it in her book, Mother Teresa: A Simple Path. Reverend Schuller also saw this poem when he later visited the mission and accredited the words to Mother Teresa, sharing them as hers in his book, Turning Hurts into Halos. They were not, however, her words.(http://www.kentmkeith.com/mother_teresa.html)

Does it matter?

I mean when we believe they came from someone we revere as a saint  we put a more Divine quality into them don't we?  We speak them with more reverence and meaning. When we discover that they were part of a leadership guide for the Harvard student council...well maybe they don't punch us in the heart strings quite as much? 

Speak the Words with Reverence Anyway

Still the words themselves are beautiful regardless of who wrote them or for what reason.  They are still divinely inspired, would you not say?  And the impact they have had on the world demonstrates that. Lines have been stripped from the original, lines have been added; titles have even changed over the years  but the idea of forgiving, being kind, succeeding in spite of challenges, building and creating for the sake of building and creating, being honest, happy and doing good no matter what...well isn't that Life's universal lesson?  Isn't that what Mother Teresa and so many other great humans exemplified?  Isn't that what makes the world a better place?

It really isn't about authorship, exacting detail, about receiving or giving credit...it is about giving and living and Being the best we can be.  So though Keith did not receive the credit ego tells us is required in this busy world...look at the impact he made by writing those words...anyway.

All is well.

References/Suggested Readings

Keith, Kent. Dr (2018) The Mother Teresa Connection in Finding Personal Meaning in a Crazy World. Retrieved from http://www.kentmkeith.com/mother_teresa.html

Only One will

Your Kingdom come, Your Will be done, on earth as in heaven....
Matthew 6:10 and a line from the Lord's prayer.  (No need to check this out is there?:)

I am not here to preach.  As soon as I wrote that line out...that beautiful line from a Lord's prayer, I felt that is how I would likely come across.  Most of us have a very difficult time with allowing such words that come from the mouth or fingers of another into our spaces.

Intrusive and Offensive?

 It feels intrusive almost, like unexpected knocks on doors in the middle of the day from strangers carrying pamphlets and soul saving messages they want to share. It can be off putting.  We may feel violated almost and seek the safety of our familiar beliefs or the separate borders of defense they provide, "I am sorry...I am Catholic (or Jewish or whatever).  I don't believe what you believe", we might mutter as we, red faced, close the door on the intruder. We certainly don't tell the pamphlet wagging stranger that we have not been in church for ten years and we are not sure at this point what we believe but we are definitely not going to entertain their message. They are certainly not going to tell us what to believe.  They might as well be selling crack cocaine or child pornography for the amount of "offense" their visit creates in us.  We feel the wrongness of it, the violation of it.  We get angry. I know that.  I felt that.

Wisdom in the Words

Still, I hold firm.  I want to write those words from a Lord's prayer down.  I love those words and I embrace those words especially now while I am in the process of letting go of ego will for something so much greater.

You can feel free to slam the door on my face if you need to  I am not here to convince you of anything. I am not here defending any religious teachings... I am just looking at Matthew's words like I examine the words of writers, poets, teachers, gurus,  and scientists everywhere and finding myself amazed with the wisdom in them. I want to share that amazement.

Why are we afraid?

Then I wonder why we are so afraid of such words if they come to us unsolicited. Why are we so afraid, to the point of anger and attack, at the mere  mention of God and God's Will for us.  Why do we slam doors on the idea of Him...locking Him out of schools and social events so as not to "offend"? What is so offensive about God?

God is not Religion

Awe...then it dons on me. Ego doesn't like us talking about God...not the universal can't be disputed Truth of God.  It will allow us our religions with our distinct and separate ideations, dogmas and doctrines.  It will allow us our separate "images and names" of God because those separations help to protect it not God. You see, more violation, more war, more destruction was  done for the preservation of religious beliefs than anything else.  Among the many things ego uses to keep us separate minded, religion is probably one of the greatest tools. REligion, however, is not necessarily God.

Religion can be a wonderful thing if it stands for what God obviously is: Love.  If it promotes that at all costs even to the point of dismantling its own borders...than religion is wonderful and powerful means of bringing people to God.  But if it uses fear instead of Love, in the guise of being "Godly" and defends its separate dogmas so much so that it attacks all others who do not follow that dogma...than that is not Love, that is not God...that is fear induced hate in the name of religion.  That is ego at its worse.

God-based Being vs Ego-based doing

Lesson Four is going to discuss the ego in detail but before we can even go there we need to make that distinction between God-based being and ego-based doing. They are completely different.

What ego wills for us is not what God wills for us.  And the thing is: as much as ego tries to convince us that we can chose it's puny desires for us over God's and be happy, we really can't.  As long as we are following ego's will for us to push God out we will never be happy.  And the thing is we cannot push God out, no matter how we try.  We cannot change the Truth about who we are and from Whom we came.  We can deny it, we can close ourselves up and away from Him by avoiding and becoming completely distracted in this busy world of form and doing ...but God, in whatever form you perceive Him/Her...what ever name you call Him... never  shut us out. 

A separation between us and God can't be because we are a part of God. We cannot separate our will from God's either. God's Will for us is already done, on Earth and in Heaven. The question is, are we  going to open the door and get to know Him and that Will, our will  all over again. Are we going to continue slamming doors on one another, defending and attacking or are we going to accept that there is only One God and One will we all share?

All is well in my world.

Lesson Three: Knowing who You Are and from Whom You Came

To Know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.
Eckhart Tolle ( https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/eckhart_tolle_571625)

So Lesson Two is a big one and a challenging one.  Getting beyond our ego thinking is not a simple thing to do for most of us.  We are caught up in these mental modifications, as Patanjali referred to them (Satchidananda, 2011), that are in the way of this knowledge.  To get there to our remembering and recognizing our True Self (because basically that is all it is we need to do is remember), we remove the thought barrier that exists between us and Self, between illusion and Truth.

Lesson Three : Knowing Who we really are and from Whom we came can probably be summed up through the teachings of ACIM .  We just need to get through the first hundred pages of text to define what we are.

Who You Really are:

• You are spirit
• You are a divine creation; a child of God
• You are powerful. "Nothing made by a child of God is without power." 3: VII:1:7 (page 49)
• You are beyond humility. "Spirit is beyond humility, because it recognizes its radiance and gladly sheds its light everywhere. 4:I:12;3(page 56)
•  You are light.
• You are beyond the need for protection
• You are immortal and eternal. "Spirit is immortal, and immortality is a constant state."4:II:11:9 page 59
• You are a temple, an altar for the Kingdom of Heaven.  "The Kingdom of Heaven is you." 4: III:1:4
• "...You both have everything and you are everything." 4:III:9;5..pg 62
• You are completely whole.  You are complete.
• You are the holder of everything and the giver of everything.  You create as the Father creates. 5: I: 1:8...page 73
• You are truly blessed
• You are guiltless
• You are joy 5:V:2:3...pg 83
• You are Love 6:I:13:2...pg 94
• You are peace
• You are invulnerable.  You cannot hurt or be hurt
• "You cannot be hurt, and do not want to show your brother anything except your wholeness." 5:IV:4:4...pg 82
• You are a part of God's Thought and cannot think a part from Him. 5:V:6:16...pg 85
• You are a teacher, "As you teach so shall you learn."6:I:6;1...pg 93
• You are a healer
• You are responsible for what you believe...6: 1:7
• You are equal to your brother
• You are a creator. "God created you to create." 6:II:8:4
• You are a timeless extension meant to extend 6:II;8:1-4
• You are the light of the world.  "Each of us is the light of the world, and by joining our minds in the light we proclaim the Kingdom of God together and as one. " 6:II:13:5...99
• You are perfectly safe.  "The perfectly safe are wholly benign." 6:III:3:4...pg 100
• You are blessed and you bless.6:III:3:5

Whom did we come from?

We came from creation and I see the Creator as God.  Others may refer to God  as Source, the Universe, Life.  I use "God"...and I no longer see the paternal figure with the long beard who lives, judges and condemns in a place up there in the sky somewhere away from me.  I "feel" a God within me, through me  and in all things around my body.  I am beginning to truly understand that God is the Ocean of Life and in this short life span I am living now I am simply a glass of water taken from that Ocean. My body is the glass and when the glass has served its purpose and no longer contains all that I am...I will flow back, be evaporated back, absorbed back into this Ocean of Life and Love where I always was and always will be.

How cool is that?

ACIM(2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume: Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundations For Inner Peace.

Sri Swami Satchidananda(2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Buckingham: Integral Yoga Publications.

Oh...The Things People Say

 It cannot speak, For Truth has better deeds than words to grace it.
William Shakespeare (Well...I think it was William Shakespeare lol. Two Men from Verona, Act 2,Scene 2)

What People Say

Yesterday, I felt myself somewhat concerned about the things people say. Not about me really but in general.

Oh I am sure someone could have read my entry yesterday and said out loud to the cat or to the air, "WTF(frontdoor)", or if it was someone I know they might have called someone else I know on the phone to say, "Do you know what crazy thing she said today?  She is hearing crackling in her ears and she thinks she is now woo-woo enlightened." Someone else might just say to themselves, This chick is crazier than a bag of hammers or off her rocker. 

Uh hah...now that is what I want to talk about....the words we use over and over again  and who they actually belong to.

The Bizarre Things We Say?

Who came up with those clichés anyway?  Why is a woman a chick?  Why is a bag of hammers crazy...and what does it mean to be crazy? What does it mean to be off the rocker? Who started these phrases and why have they stuck?  What kind of impact do they have?  We may not know where these particular phrases came from but it is obvious the initiator was not enlightened ( crackly or not :))  These phrases wreak of negative stigma and minimization of women, those who suffer from mental illness and the elderly. Not all phrases we cling to will be so nasty but we need to be careful, with even the inspiring words we adopt from others, about the authorship and the meaning we apply to them.

Did They Really Say That ?

Yesterday, I was looking for a quote from my man Albert Einstein that would support my idea that everything is vibration.  In my mind that is where I got those words...they came from his mouth, didn't they?  That is why I adhered so much to that idea.  He made a believer out of me because of who he was. You see, I was so sure I knew Albert (I like to use his first name lol)  well...like we were tight.  We were after all, despite the fact that I can barely count let alone solve and create complex mathematical formulas that can answer and pose the greatest mind blowing questions about life...were on the same wave length.  I read his words about Spinosa, his theories ( the simply phrased ones) and his letters to a grieving friend...and I read all those quotes from him posted over the internet. I knew him well didn't I because I knew his words? I couldn't find evidence that those words, "Everything is vibration" came from him.  I was heart broken.

Were they even Einstein's words?

It just got me thinking...that's all.  And as you know by now...it is not a good thing to get me thinking. So I did some research.  If you go to a spirituality site, they would attest without offering exact evidence that the quotes with Einstein's name on them that related to anything spiritual were his words.  If you go to a physics or pure science site...you get blasted for even thinking Einstein would say or think such a thing. In their minds Einstein's philosophies and ideations were purely science and any attempt to add a new age spin to them was seen as almost blasphemous. Where was my connecting link between science and spirit going to go now? What I wanted from him I might not be able to claim.

You see...I am pretty good at checking my sources and I have a tendency to go back to the original document in order to validate what someone has said...with the exception of quotes.  If I see the same quote worded exactly the same way on more than one site ( and I will check) I will assume that it is correct and I will plop it down here. Now I am realizing that is not enough. Have I been misquoting all along?  Have we all been?  Have we been clinging to words and giving them more meaning than we should?  Have we been attaching inappropriate authorship,  cultural connotations, hidden meanings and our intentions to them?


Just Words

Words are just words and who knows what Albert Einstein or anyone really said or didn't say?  Unless one is following a person around 24-7 with a recording device how would we know?  And if they did quote something...whose to say they didn't get it from someone else?

Words are just symbols that we apply meaning to.  They were not born with meaning. Does it really matter who said what and what they meant? (I mean...don't misquote...be sure of your authors...but...does it really matter?) If the words give meaning to you, express meaning for you...isn't that all that is important?

It doesn't really matter what I say does it? I never said I was enlightened because my ears crackle lol...I said I am discovering that there is so much "noise/music" beyond the surface of our busy world that we all have the potential to tap into...You may not believe that because I am, after all, just a farmed baby fowl...who is suffering the same form of psychosis carpenter's tools neatly grouped together in  a plastic carrying receptacle suffer from.  And I am stepping up and walking away from the moving chair I was sitting on. :)

All is well.

Check out this site if you want to have your quote investigated: https://quoteinvestigator.com/

Hearing the Vibration of Life

A Moment's Indulgence

I ask for A moment's Indulgence to sit by thy side.  The works

 I have in hand I will finish afterwards.

 

Away from the site of thy face my heart knows no rest or respite,

and my work becomes an endless toil in an endless sea of toil.

 

Today the summer has come to my window with its sighs and murmurs; and

the bees are plying their minstrelsy at the court of the flowering grove.

 

Now, it is time to sit face to face with thee, and to sing

dedication to life in this silent overflowing leisure.

-Rabindranath Tagore (https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-moments-indulgence/)

 



Becoming aware of the vibrations of life

Something strange has been happening to my hearing lately. Just as my physical eyes no longer see as clearly as they used, no matter what types of lenses I put over them...my hearing has changed.  I am becoming more and more aware of a vibrating hum and less and less aware of certain high pitched noises.  Okay, okay...I know...there is a physical cause.  I have taught pathophysiology for enough  years to know that.  The books would define  the changes as good old presbycusis and presbyopia (the visual and hearing changes associated with "old age".) The humming itself could be tinnitus.

Something tells me otherwise, that the sensory changes I am experiencing are more a result of waking up than getting older.

Say what crazy lady?

It sounds crazy I know but my eye sight has changed dramatically only since I started closing my eyes more to look inward.  Almost as if to say, I do not need that type of outward sight as much anymore.

My hearing well, it is more than tinnitus.  This humming is not one bit annoying.  It is actually very, very soothing and pleasant.  And it is not that my hearing is less acute. It seems that I am hearing the vibrations of life that exist beneath the cacophony of superficial physical world noise.  I can get beyond the high pitched shrills of action to the constant soothing  hum of beingness.

I seem to hear everything humming if I focus: the machinery around me, appliances, my computer, my pets,  and the resonance from all the voices directed at me. Each thing has a different and distinct hum that melts into all the other hums. And there is something inside me I have never noticed before  humming sweetly all the time. It has always been there but I am just noticing it, appreciating it and embracing it for the first time. 

Everything is Vibration

Everything is vibration...absolutely everything. 

If you want to know the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.
Nikola Tesla (https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/361785-if-you-want-to-find-the-secrets-of-the-universe)

We cannot hear that vibration.  We can not feel that vibration as long as we are running around focusing on other things; as long as we are doing and lost in our thinking.  It is only when we learn to stop and be still that we hear it and we experience it.

Yesterday afternoon was the first time I experienced it fully.  I was just finishing up some writing, pretty pleased with myself that I created something...that I had that wonderful experience of having that creative flow, Source, Energy, The  field, Muse...whatever you want to call it... flow through me and I heard it.  I heard it first coming from the computer...it just seemed so loud suddenly  grabbing my attention; then I heard it resonating in the gaps between my old dog's snoring; and in the lights above my head.  And I stopped and closed my eyes to hear an even sweeter hum coming from me...crackly, staticky but perfect...like the distant buzz of insects...cicadas or bees in a grove.  The more I listened, the louder it got. I found myself smiling, than laughing for no explicable reason.

Is this what Tagore felt?

 I don't know how long it lasted.  When it was over I got up quickly to make sure no one seen me in my solitary laughing frenzy lol and then I thought of Tagore's poem.  It made  even more sense to me.  Tagore spoke about this hum in A Moment's Indulgence.  All the sighs and murmurs were, I believe, the little sounds that so often go unnoticed when we are caught up in our "toil". These bees plying their minstrelsy in the court of the flowering grove...were they the buzzing vibration of life and was the flowering grove the awakening that was taking place inside of him?

Oh well, we will never know.  But we do not need to know other's experience and understanding of things, do we? We just need to know our own which is actually the One Truth we all share.  And how do we truly know?  By going inward to the silence and the stillness of the now, to the only place where we truly see and truly hear.

How cool is that?


References

Good reads quotes (https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/361785-if-you-want-to-find-the-secrets-of-the-universe

Poem Hunters (https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-moments-indulgence/)

Sending a Story to the King's Court

I had a period where I thought I might not be good enough to publish.
Stephen King (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/publish)

So I finished that short story I have been working on and where did I send it?  The New Yorker lol.  I know, I know...sounds pretty grandiose  but I sent it there for two reasons:

 1) I owed them the first reading (whether they want it or not lol) because they kind of offered the seed for this story to grow.  What I didn't mention prior to my grand inspiration at 4 am that night was that I had happened upon an article earlier that day that  addressed this labelling and assumption thing I was going through  from a medical perspective. The article written in the New Yorker addressed to physicians  spoke about the dilemma "they had" in dealing with certain patients who they labelled a certain way. It rattled me so much. I hate labels anyway but it was like, what about the patient you took an oath to care for, what about the human behind the label?  Have you thought about what your labelling would do to them? So I told myself even though the article is 15 years old that I would write a non fiction response to it, which I intended to do. That night, however, the muses of fiction were calling me and out the story came. It offered me a way to release a deep seated grievance so I could forgive and move on.

At first, I didn't even connect my inspiration to write this particular story to  the article I read.  The realization, that it was entirely based on that article, came to me as I was searching for a place to send it. Instantaneously, it became clear as to where I had to send it. It was all deeply inspired action and that is pretty cool...Even if the editors at The New Yorker don't think so, the Universe knows how inspired this all is. :)

2) I am tired of thinking small and being retracted. If I am going to put myself out there, to step out of my comfort zone, I might as well do it big...the go broke or stay home cliché.  If I am going to get rejected, it might as well be by the best of them lol.  If I am going to be slapped into some slush pile it may as well be one that is soft and well cushioned by thousands of other unwanted manuscripts. I know there I will be in good company. 

Not that any press is  less worthy of my submissions lol...I appreciate any consideration and usually seek the comforting arms of small lesser known presses to wrap my submissions in. When I write about sending my story to "the top" I am just looking at what others have crowned with royal acclaim. In the literary realm, where is the King's Court writers want to be called to?...In the office of the New Yorker.

This is the second time I sent to them...the third... if you count the time 20 years ago when I sent a story to "The New York Times" thinking they and The New Yorker were one and the same thing.  I got a long , have you any idea how stupid you are  letter back from someone there. (That's so funny now as I think about it.)

You may ask, considering my very miniscule chance of ever being published there, "What for?" and I want to answer "What if?" What if and why not feel so much better than what for and how could you.

How do we feel when we think big and  reach for the stars?  That is the big question in life, as it is in writing.  It really isn't about publication: where, how, when or even if.  It is about writing and completing the cycle .  The submission process is an important  part of the writing cycle. It feels good to think about having a story being considered by The New Yorker even if the consideration doesn't get past my name, title and word count.  :) It still feels good.  It feels good to know that I took a chance...that I am taking risks, that I am allowing myself to expand. It's fun!!!

This whole writing thing can be fun!!! And it is exciting as we think about the unlimited possibilities. Feeling good  is what it is all about and that is why I submitted to The New Yorker.

Isn't  the life of a writer...any writer, published or not... grand? Isn't life itself grand?

All is well in my world!

Holding Grievances, a Block to Love and Self

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not rejoice in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.   Love never fails.  But where there are prophecies they will cease; where there are tongues they will be stilled; where there is knowledge it will pass away. 
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13%3A4-8&version=NIV)

The Letter

I would be lying if I said I understood exactly what Paul wanted to tell the citizens of Corinth with this letter and with this particular passage in it. Everything has been translated over and over in a thousand different ways.  Like most of the bible it is almost impossible to interpret it exactly in the way it was intended.   I do know from a bit of historical research that his intention with the two letters he wrote to the Corinthians was to get them to see the error of their ways. He felt that the Greek and  pagan backgrounds they had prior to converting to Christianity ( non-monogamous marriages etc) set a bad example for Christianity.  He wanted to impose a greater sense of "morality" in this area. I would hazard to guess, that he wanted to impart a better understanding of what Christian love was as opposed to pagan love with this particular passage. 

As far as I am concerned, it really doesn't matter why Paul wrote those words...their truth is universal even to us "New agers" whom more traditional  interpreters of Paul's words  may include in the list of "evildoers" addressed. :)

How it ties into Lesson Two

Regardless, the words are beautiful and full of Truth. As we embark into a better understanding of who we are...I want you to firstly focus on this line, It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. This line goes perfectly with Lesson 68 in A Course.  Love holds no Grievances.

The final step necessary in getting beyond our thinking to who we really are, which btw, is Love, is to stop holding grievances. A Course says that to hold a grievance is to forget who we are.  It is to deny that we were created by Love and are love.

As long as we hold any form of grievance against another human being...and lets face it, we all hold grievances against absolutely everyone in one form or another....we will never feel connected.  We will never feel safe. Our sense of separation from God and from each other is perpetuated by ego's insistence that we have a reason to be upset with one another. We then put up our defenses and watch through the peek holes of these immense walls we built around ourselves  for reasons to defend, reasons to attack.  We collect grievances.

From self-seeking to Self-seeking

We want to remember who we are which is not "self-seeking" as the NIV translations describes Paul's words...but Self-seeking.  Self is this connected unified being that we all are,  The person we hold grievances against is actually a part of this Self, a part of who we  are. So as long as we hold others away and apart from our little self because they "wronged us" in some way, we are not loving...and if we are not loving ...we are not being who we are: Love.

So how do we get there?

We forgive.  We put down our weapons of justification and rationalization about why this person deserves our wrath or our frustration. We stop building walls between us and them. We choose, instead,  to see the good in all. 

That does not mean you have to like, condone or deny what the other person may have done. It simply means you look beyond the deed to the doer remembering these famous words if you have to, "They know not what they have done."  So many of us do not know what we are doing...we may be sick, lost in ego, convinced we know something we do not know, forgetting and truly believe we are right and doing good. Look beyond the ego imperfection to the perfection within.

We make a choice with forgiveness regardless of what the "wrongdoer" may have done or not done, to look at them in friendship, in brotherhood, in peace. Without weapons, without walls, without defenses and without attack there will be nothing separating us from them.  We will then and only then be connecting to form the Self.  And it is the Self that we are seeking, is it not?

To find yourself stop finding fault and start loving instead. 

I will not look at another's bowl intent on finding fault: a training observed.
The Buddha ( http://www.realbuddhaquotes.com/)

All is well in my world.

References/ Recommended Reads

ACIM (2007) Lesson 68, pages 115-116.A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume: Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundation for Inner Peace.

Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13%3A4-8&version=NIV

Real Buddha Quotes http://www.realbuddhaquotes.com/

Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica (n.d.) Letter of Paul to the Corinthians in Encyclopaedia Britannica https://www.britannica.com/topic/biblical-literature/The-Pauline-Letters#ref598129                  

Soothe!

Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.
Sai Baba (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/help_others)

As I write on, pretending to be the expert I am not lol...knowing not the truth in what I say only "feeling" it....I want to speak a little more on the idea of lowering resistance so that we can fulfill our function here.  Remember that our function...our true function is God's/Source's/Life's purpose for us not ego's. 

Our function is happiness.

We have only one true function, according to A Course,  and that function, according to Abraham, is to lower resistance in ourselves and in others so God and Source can enter. Happiness and true function are the same thing ( Lesson 66 ACIM).  We are here to be happy and to help others to be happy. We are happy when we allow for the high energy of Source to flow through us, when we allow for God's presence in our lives.

We know we are off track, off purpose when we are not happy, when we are stuck in the fear based emotions below "acceptance of what is".  We are resisting and the more we resist our purpose the worse we will feel and the more that resistance will show up  as negative life circumstances.  According to Abraham, all these negative emotions and experiences are just signs that we are out of alignment or "pinching ourselves off from Source." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wYAfI1lIO4)We in our physical world need for labels may call it depression, anxiety, bad luck...but it simply is a result of being out of alignment with God's function for us.  We are meant to be happy!

How do we go from fear based emotion to happiness?

We leave fear behind for the happier rungs on our emotional ladder, by lowering resistance to it. We climb one ladder rung at a time.  How? We soothe ourselves step by step, rung by rung.  We soothe our thoughts so that we feel a bit better, a bit better and a bit better and until we eventually feel the soothing presence of "relief".  Then we reach for the next ladder rung, the next emotion that feels better...again and again and again until we find ourselves climbing past fear into happiness.  We soothe!

What soothes?

We use whatever we can to soothe...words, change of thought, music, the basics: exercise, fresh air, water and healthy food, fun, adventure, change of place, pets, a nap, relaxation, prayer, inspiration from others, mediation.  And we stop focusing on what we don't want, what doesn't feel good! We need to open the resistance gate and make ourselves available for Source to enter for a few minutes so many times a day...not through busy work, numbing activities or substances but through stillness and silence. We bring ourselves up vibrationally...focusing more on feeling good than doing good...because it is only when we feel good that we can do good.

Doing Good

It is only when we are up that we can turn around and reach down to pull a brother up.  We may, as I often am, be overwhelmed with the suffering of others and we may reach in blindly from our own dark spaces to help...but we do little good like that.  We cannot bring another up vibrationally if we are standing on a ladder rung of worry, concern, hopelessness or fear.  What we offer them there is just more negativity.  We need to see them in their full potential and focus on what we want for them...not on where they are at.  We need to feel good about them before we can help them feel good about themselves.  We need to offer genuine hope and compassion from a place above, showing them the light that awaits them there.

Then we can soothe with love, positive praise, shared optimism and positive vision. We soothe the wounds with ointment that heals not with cheap remedies made of ingredients  that have been mixed together by  conditioned belief that do more harm than good.

Be Happy!

God has the perfect remedy and it is provided to you when you are happy. Be the  soothing ointment that heals by being healed. :) Be happy.

All is well in my world.

References

ACIM (2007) Lesson 66 in A Course in Miracles: combined volume: Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundations For Inner Peace.

Abraham workshop January 2018. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wYAfI1lIO4

Please note:  I am not sure about the copyright legalities and ethics related to linking YouTube videos.  At the same time, I received some of the above info from this video and need to credit it.

Lesson Two: Getting Beyond Resistance to knowing who you really are

Your entire work is about lowering your resistance.
Abraham Hicks

To get to who we really are, we need to first get past the resistance we have set up in the thinking part of our minds. If we have any resistance barricades up, we will not only never discover who we are while we are alive, we will never discover just how amazing life can be when we fully embrace that beingness.

There are many, many quotes and teachings from Abraham and others on this thing called resistance. I do not care if you buy into the teacher or their teachings.  Accepting the source of this information may be a challenging thing for our physically focused minds to do...but I want you to listen to the words as you close your eyes and repeat them to yourself: Your entire work is about lowering your resistance. Concentrate on nothing else but those words.  How do they resonate inside you?  How do you feel when you hear them?  Do they seem like truth?

What the heck do they mean?

Understanding what this phrase means can be an amazingly freeing revelation. Let's look at the two major words we see in this simple line: work and resistance.  What do each of them mean?

What is work?

When you just say the  word "work" do you not get a sense of something you have to do, something that will require effort?  When we think of work we may picture Grumpy and Bashful trudging off to the diamond mines with their pick axes and shovels over their shoulders whistling away as Snow White busies herself in the tiny little cottage,  stooping over to avoid hitting her head on the very low rafters while she swifter-sweeps  and makes the tiny little beds and washes the tiny little dishes.  These guys are working! We may also know as we picture this that Workman's Comp will decline any claims related to work related accidents or repetitive strain injuries because the Dwarfs chose to wear  stocking caps instead of  safety helmets and did not provide the ergonomically correct environment for their unpaid employee. Okay...okay I digress.  I got a little carried away.

The quote is saying that your work...what you are here to "do"...your purpose...any focused action you take on should be directed solely to lowering your resistance. Your work is your function here.  Lowering resistance is your function.  So if you are going to put effort into anything...put it in to lowering resistance.

What is the Resistance we need to lower?

Resistance is a block, a barricade...something that slows down or prevents something from getting out or through. When we speak of finding out who we really are and allowing that true light of who we are to shine through/ God to shine in...we have a tendency to resist.  We often do that resisting through our thinking and more accurately through tapping into our tired old belief systems that spew nonsense about our limitations and gives us all the reasons we can't do something, instead of tapping into this inner knowing that exists beyond that.  The thinking becomes a barricade between these little limited beings we identify with and who we really are; between our  retraction and our expansion; between our petty little goals and God's goals for us; between us and our awareness of God.  Resistance prevents our inner Self from shining through, from guiding us, from healing the world.

A Course in Miracles states that we have only one function as a human being, that our work is simply in Salvation.  Salvation involves  opening ourselves and others up to who we really are. How do we open up?   We open up by lowering resistance through undoing all the thinking that ego has placed between us and God. (ACIM)

 

Relax!

 



How do we know we are resisting?

It might be easier to describe how you will know when you are not resisting and allowing your inner Self to shine through:

When you are appraising; when you are appreciating, when you are acknowledging value, when you are looking for positive aspects, when you are laughing, when you are applauding, when you are joyous,  when you are feeling that feeling of appreciation pulsing through you, in those times , there is NO Resistance within you. You are, in those moments, vibrationally up to speed with who you really are.
( Abraham:  http://theabeforum.com/forum2/8289.html)

Basically speaking, if you are happy you are not resisting...you are experiencing who you really are.  When you are anything but happy. You are resisting.

How do we lower resistance?

Lowering resistance, accepting our roles in salvation and finding happiness  is not this big 100 paged manual  process.  Ironically,  it does not involve a lot of doing, fixing, effort..."work".  It involves quieting , stilling and being open and willing to accept our true function and all that God has in store for us.  Who we really are is already at peace...it is already happy but our thinking and our compulsive doing is in the way of our knowing that.

We get so turned around by this notion of goals, purposes and work...that we mix up God's goals for us, God's purpose for us with our own petty goals.  We may put a great deal of energy, effort, mental concentration into achieving things...like status, money, reputation, success, perfect relationships and material things we neglect to simply be with God and what is meant for us....which is so easy because it already is!  When our extreme efforts do not yield the results we think they "should"...we allow ourselves to feel terrible, feel lack, feel loss and separation and blame it all on external events.   When we do that we just pull ourselves further and further away from who we are. We create even more resistance.

As long as we are feeling miserable, focusing on what we don't have and the fact that life isn't the way we think it should be...we are resisting.  The trick is not to attempt to do the impossible...change the external world to match our idea of should...but to change our inner dialogue by putting away the "should" to match a lack of resistance and an openness to what is.

A Course in Miracles speaks to the idea of releasing resistance. We need to commit to salvation.  We do that through :"....the recognition of salvation as your function, and the relinquishment of all the other goals you have invented for yourself."  (ACIM: Lesson 65: 1:5) All these other things we put so much time and effort in are not what is really important...they do not "make" us happy.  Knowing who we are will.


"It is your resistance to "what is" that causes you suffering..." The Buddha

It is so simple.  It is not about doing.  It is about being. Accept what is without resistance.


So let's get back to the teaching.


Your entire work is about lowering your resistance. We need to put away our suffering thoughts and accept who we are. Our only function is salvation. We find salvation when we simply remove the resistance to peace and open up to it.  Our function is not really work...it actually involves no work.  It isn't action or doing, it is simple being.  It doesn't mean going against the flow but going with it. It doesn't require effort and strain.  It simply requires ease.

All we need to do to be happy people is relax...stop ...be still and  open up to who we always were.

How cool is that?

All is well.

References/Recommended reads

Abraham Hicks. (2007) Quotes on Releasing Resistance. The Abe Forum. Retrieved from http://theabeforum.com/forum2/8289.html

Foundations For Inner Peace. (2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Text: Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundations for Inner Peace.

Inspired to Create

Being inspired by something might be one of the most incredible feelings ever.
unknown (http://www.picturequotes.com/being-inspired-by-something-might-be-one-of-the-most-incredible-feelings-ever-quote-701992)

I have been a roller coaster of emotions the last few days after receiving the expected news that an assumption about me was still sticking.  I had to face the reality it probably would never change and I would have to accept the consequences of it. The sticky fly paper around me that seems to catch and cling to the emotional energy of others has also been renewed and revamped by my own projected negativity. (Negativity sucks in negativity:))  I walked away from some classroom and parenting experiences  with a mixture of desperation, anxiety, frustration, hope, and anger glued to me, completely exhausting me. I also felt somewhat disappointed in myself because, instead of responding in a loving and understanding way to these emotions, addressing the need to be heard in others, I reacted and became defensive instead. Sigh!  I have so much learning and growing left to do. lol

Point is: Something about this whole experience inspired me to write. I awoke at four am finding myself partaking in a quirky little habit I adopted since childhood to soothe myself in the midst of turmoil. (I won't share the habit because it is the basis of my story...when [and I won't say if...I will say when] it gets published I will tell you about it then. ). 

The story came to me in sentences and pictures.  I tried to tell myself that I would store the words in the back of my mind until morning but that wouldn't do.  The compulsion to get up and write it down was just too strong. So that is what I did at 4:20 am and it felt soooooooo good! I love those unexpected moments of inspiration to create.  I think it is magical and I am so in awe to simply be a part of the process.

So...I will be busy working on that short story over the next couple of days.  It may take me from here.  It is all good. I know it  will offer a wonderful distraction from circumstances, allowing me into a place where I can just be abundant and whole, authentic and real as I do what I am meant to do...that we are all meant to do in some form or another...create!

I will catch you on the flip side!

All is well

Forgiveness

Do you not then begin to understand what forgiveness will do for you? It will remove all sense of weakness, strain and fatigue from your mind. It will take away all fear and guilt and pain.  It will restore the invulnerability and power God gave His Son to your awareness....It will help to make the day as happy for you as God wants you to be.  And it will help those around you, as well as those who seem to be far away in space and time, to share this happiness with you.
ACIM Lesson 62

That is why I choose to forgive!  :)

All is well.

Assumption

The worst mistake of first contact, made throughout history by individuals on both sides of every new encounter, has been the unfortunate habit of making assumptions. It often proved fatal.
David Brin (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/assumptions)



Assumptions? What are they?

Assumptions are preconceived ideas, constructs and opinions we make about other people and things.  In my Communications class I am constantly teaching my students to "Never Assume"  because when you do you make an ass of "u" and an ass of "me".  And that is what we tend to do when we assume.  We make fools of ourselves and/or the other person on the other side of the encounter.  Or it(the assumption) does even greater damage as the above quote alludes to.  Assumptions are dangerous, nasty and unnecessary.  We know that don't we? Yet here we are constantly flinging assumptions in everyone's direction.

Karma

I bring this up because I am guilty of making assumptions.  I have made them and I make them. Karma has intervened as she often will to teach me the error of my ways.  :)  She has made me the prime recipient of a lovely long term assumption gift wrapped in beautiful Latin/Greek jargon and "professional opinion". Because of the gift wrapping the assumption stuck to me like glue and follows me everywhere I go.  The paper it is written on gets thicker and thicker, proving the assumption even more correct to all my "first encounters" who step away as quickly as I enter in whatever form I enter. No one sees beyond the paper because no one wants to disrupt the "expert wrapping" .  There I am beneath it all, waving my hands wildly around shouting, "You who...you up there, I am in here.  I am not the assumption.  Sure there is some truth in some of it...there always is...but I am not what they say I am.  Help me!"

Big long analogy to simply say...that others have made assumptions about me, incorrect ones, and it has cost me greatly. I am not what they say I am because I say I am what they say I am not. lol How's that for a mind twister? It doesn't matter anymore. Despite what it costs me in terms of help and life support,  I give up.  I can't fight it.  Well let me rephrase that...I choose not to fight it any longer.  I am too bloody tired. Let them think what they think.  (This is where I insert a big long pathetic sigh....and another...just for added effect.)

The Receiving End of Assumption

We all have been on the receiving end of an assumption at one time or another.  An opinion may have been formed about you and it may have stuck.  It may have  been passed along as it was in my case, as in many cases, until it became somewhat of a conviction in the minds of others. People tend to make choices and act on those assumption based convictions.  ( Another big sloppy sigh).  You may have been on the receiving end of those decisions.Others may have collected information and evidence in an attempt to prove that the assumption was not true but as is human nature...they probably found it a lot easier to gather whatever information they could to prove that it was. The assumption once formed tends to seal the well wrapped box around you.

So what do we do when we are on the receiving end, especially in this process of awakening?  What steps do we take to find peace of mind when we perceive suffering because of wrong assumption about us?  This is what I am in the process of doing.

Steps to dealing with Assumption:

• Validate that an assumption has indeed been made about you.  Heck sometimes we are just assuming that someone else is assuming something about us.  That is a lot of assumption soup to drown in.  Are you sure that someone thinks that of you or worse is passing it on? I know.
• Once you are sure determine how much it matters to your life goals.  If someone you barely know is just assuming that you are a bit "cold" when really you are just shy, how much does that matter? If your life partner assumes that you no longer love them  when you pull away, that's another matter.  Or as in my case...is your physical, emotional and financial  health effected because of it?  I lost  a full time job, any hope of getting external help in my search for wellness, support, my reputation as a person with great integrity to some degree, and all my life savings because of this assumption. So it cost me greatly in physical world terms.
• Find the learning and the truth in it.  There is always a smidgeon of truth in every assumption...something picked up by the other side that led to the formation of the  assumption in the first place.  Discover what that might be.There are some small truths in my case that I know could have led to the assumption made about me.  I can see that.  Heck, if the tables were turned I might be the one doing the assuming.(Wouldn't that be nice...to be on that side lol...joking!!!)   I accept that truth and do my best to learn from it. 
• Forgive the ones making the assumption.  Say what crazy lady?  You want to forgive those who put you in that awful place. Yeah!  I do.  I have learned that forgiveness heals...me.  It is not about the others, it is about me.  I do not want to carry around anger and blame any longer.  It is just too heavy.  I also know that I have made assumptions in the past so how can I justify blaming others who have made them about me.
• Find the blessing in the assumption.  Say what crazy lady?  You really are what they assume you to be, aren't ya? I look at it this way, after so many years of perceived suffering, if the assumption about me was never made than I would not have begun the awakening process and be where I am right now with so much awareness about what really is important.  If the assumption was not made about me and things turned out differently,  I would have been lulled back into the mundane state of doing, owning, surviving that I have been in for most of my life.  If the assumption was not made I would not have written my novel about the assumption. The assumption removed physical world validation from me and that led me to search inward for "real" validation. Now that is a blessing.
• Know the truth about what is real for you and most importantly who you are.  You know if what is assumed about you is true or not...that is really all that matters. We will never get the full approval of everyone nor do we need to.  The only approval you need to see you through even the hardest days is yours. I know what is true for me and I know what isn't.  I really do not need others to believe it and putting energy into trying to change minds so I change the circumstances of my life is just too damn exhausting.  Let them think what they will.  I, my loved ones and above all else God knows the difference.
• Know what you really want.  I want peace more than I want what a change in assumption would give me. Knowing that, why would I waste any more energy trying to attain a change in opinion from others when I can direct my energy to more peaceful pursuits.
• Do what is right in your heart. I pursued this for as long as I did for two reasons: I wanted to change opinion so that I could have the means to survive physically and financially.  Like I said this assumption was effecting my physical and financial health. I also pursued it out of an altruistic need to do what was right.  If I was suffering the negative consequences from such an assumption, others might be too.  I felt I had to make a stand for all of us. (Sorry guys...didn't get us very far...but it is not over yet...we can still speak our truth even if it doesn't pay the bills :)
• Pick yourself up and go on.  No one's opinion of you should ever keep you down for long.
• Stop making assumptions yourself. Now you know what it feels like.  Be kind and do your best to put away your assumptions and judgments about others.  Don't stop finding the good and the evidence for the person's expression of their truth until they tell you it is time to do so. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

I love this quote from Wayne Dyer who got it from the father of self actualization, Abraham Maslow,

To be self actualized is to be absent of the need for the good opinion of others.

Be absent of the need for good opinion.  It will not sustain you. Let people continue to make an ass of themselves by assuming if they want to but know they can never make an ass of you unless you give them permission to do so.

It is all good. All is well in my world.

Videos: Retraction and Expansion

More videos to share. I felt compelled today to share what I felt was some very important learning. At the same time I know I need practice speaking with some exposure, however limited and controlled it may be. So here I am.

I am adding two more unlisted videos.  I need to stress that they are unlisted for a reason.  I am fully aware that they are not yet ready for the full you tube public.  :) I share them here and only here.

A Little bit on Retraction and Expansion:

How to Expand Beyond a Retracted State.

Oh...it is so funny when I look at those videos and see all my little nuances that make me me: the bobble head movements, the William Shatner pauses in every sentence I try to create meaning in; the hand gestures that make me look like I am directing traffic as I speak to you; the facial expressions that would put any facial yogi to shame lol (not pretty); the new words I sometimes invent as I ramble on and all the unexpected  background noises of my busy little life that I take so for granted until I watch my videos.  Do you hear my old dog snoring in the second video? I love it! It is all so me..."little me" lol

Crappy video, maybe, but it is all so darn real and that is what I love about speaking...When I do a video at the last minute I come to the camera so unprepared. I have maybe two or three quotes written down on a piece of paper that I can't see or make out because my handwriting is so awful...I try to have a key word frame somewhere close by that guides me through my topics and can sometimes...when it is visible enough lol...be a visual aid for the audience. ..but that's it.  The rest is just like writing...I allow whatever needs to come out to come out and it surprises me each and every time.  That process is just so cool. Sloppy, impulsive and very, very real.  That is how you know that the messages I share here are near and dear to me.  It will show.  Well, I assume it will show. Who could or would fake such imperfection?

Thanks for stopping by.

Lesson Two: Being Willing to Let Go of the Story

Be alert and present and see that your identity is not your past story; who you truly are is the alert presence that is inseparable from the present moment. You are this, which has no name and no form.
Eckhart Tolle (http://www.azquotes.com/author/14703-Eckhart_Tolle/tag/past)

We all have a story. 

I have a story...a pretty interesting one, maybe, a little stranger than fiction lol but still it is just a story. I clung to it with white knuckles for decades because I thought my story explained why I was the way I was...it defined me. I found who I thought I was in it.  I would tell myself and others over and over again..."Oh! I want to let this go...it is just too painful" but all the while I would cling to my past.  Tighter and tighter, I clung, despite the pain, holding my breath against any one's direction to "let go." 

Truth is, I never really wanted to let go of my story no matter how much pain it may have caused.  I feared what the process of letting go entailed and I feared that if the story was gone so would I be.  The story, after all, has been with me forever and it has  become as familiar as family.  Just as I pull the old, "I can't help having blue eyes and  a nose that is a bit too big for my face...it is in my family genes." I pull out the "I can't help it when I screw up, make bad choices or hurt others...it is in my family story."  This story provides a great excuse for not living.

 I tell myself it  is a part of me now. It has become as much a part of me  as the ugly birth mark on the back of my hand.  Not pretty but something I fear would leave a big gapping ulcer of raw flesh if it were removed. I don't want that exposure.  I don't want that pain. So I tell myself it is me and I cling to it.

I cling to it.  I wrap my bony fingers and my overloaded mind around the  life events that will never be again. I  pathologically attach myself to a time that is nothing more than memory, giving solid form status to smoke. I allow the pain from that "Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived..." to cast a shadow over my present, the only real life there is and ever will be.

For the first time in my life I am truly willing to let go. I want freedom from my past.  I want to embrace my now.  I want to embrace who I really am...this "alert presence."  I am ready and I know to be fully present as my true Self I need to let go of the story my little self clings to. I know it isn't going to be easy but heck hanging on to this story has not been easy either.

Maybe you are ready to let go of your story too...and if you are, this is what I believe we must do.
Two major steps are involved: Processing through the story and letting it go.

I. Processing through the story:

• Stop resisting the full nature of those memories.  We cannot keep supressing, stuffing or intellectualizing our way through pain.  There is a good chance that there are a lot of details, thoughts and emotions that you have not processed through completely related to these memories.  That is one of the reasons why we cling to our stories.  We have  stuffed them down so deep it is hard to retrieve it with anything but cold detached intellectualization. We may resist feeling.
• Tell your story to at least one person. (or more if you are so inclined).  Writing your story is so freeing even if you are not a writer. Put the story down in words, images, music. When you are ready you can pass it on. Just make sure you tell it initially to someone who is truly ready to hear it and to accept it as a gift and not a burden.  I recently made the error in my processing to give my written story to someone I thought would receive it as a gift and soon realized it was seen as a great burden.  This individual now has my story but doesn't want it...and I feel a part of me is lingering in an  unaccepting place.  I want to ask for it back but I do not know how. (Awkward! lol). The two others I have given it to see it as the gift it was intended to be. Just know that this is the most "exposing" thing you will ever do. So do your best to put that story in accepting, loving and appreciative hands or eyes or ears. Maybe ask if the recipient is ready and then judge accordingly before you share.
•  To truly process we may have to do what we didn't do then...feel it completely. We need to stop resisting and be  willing to feel the pain that lingers within.  Remember that emotional pain and trauma is trapped in your cells.  It can do damage, block energy flow, create illness.  It needs to be released. Feel it, experience it.  Yucky but necessary.  You may need help and time to do that.
• Accept your story and more importantly yourself despite your story.  Yep it happened...maybe your memories are foggy and you have done some fabricating to fill in missing details and blotches but it...whatever it was...happened.  It has caused a certain amount of pain. That pain has settled in your body and your heart. It has effected your beliefs and the way you see the world and yourself.  EFT may help you get to a level of acceptance if you are so inclined. Or try visualization, Post Traumatic Trauma Release, PMR, affirmations etc...anything that will help you accept fully without resistance your experience, your feelings and yourself!

II. Letting go of the story:

• Once you have truly processed through your story you can begin the process of letting go. This starts with asserting a renewed willingness to let go. Are you truly willing to let go? Or are you still arguing and rationalizing who you are by your story?  Are you still saying: You don't understand what I have been through?  You don't understand what it was like and what it is like to be me because of it? But...but...but...this is what happened?  If you are doing that...you may not yet be willing to let go.
• Think, feel but don't dwell on your story for too long.  As soon as you find yourself rationalizing...you are  building up momentum, giving evidence to something that is no longer.  You are giving into ego's desire to resist the release. You need to feel with the sole intention to release.
• See your story as a movie you are watching in your head and the person playing you as just an actor. Remind yourself that you are the person in the seat watching the movie, not the person on the screen! Be willing to  close your eyes to shut out the story or get up and walk away from the screen. Just make the distinction between story and life now.
• Release it all.
• Get reconnected to your present moment. Be mindful of what is happening around you and inside you right now.  Just watch it. Experience it.  Know this is your life, the only life you have.
• Go back and check and see if the story is still stuck somewhere inside you.  When you think of those past memories how does your body feel?   Do you still feel intense anxiety, fear, sadness or a desire to numb, repress, supress or deny?  If you use EFT are your rankings still at a high number? If so...maybe you have some more processing to do. Go back and start over.
• Gently experience who you really are.  You are not a two dimensional figure on a screen, not a storybook character and not a story.  You are this observer, with no name or no form that is breathing and experiencing, living and smiling right here, right now. Be you.

I am still going through the last few steps, sometimes repetitively lol but like you I am determined to get there. I intend  to get beyond my story to who I really am. I hope you do the same because I have a strong feeling that who you are beyond the story has a lot more to offer the world than a fairy tale character ever could.

All is well in my world!