Assumption

The worst mistake of first contact, made throughout history by individuals on both sides of every new encounter, has been the unfortunate habit of making assumptions. It often proved fatal.
David Brin (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/assumptions)



Assumptions? What are they?

Assumptions are preconceived ideas, constructs and opinions we make about other people and things.  In my Communications class I am constantly teaching my students to "Never Assume"  because when you do you make an ass of "u" and an ass of "me".  And that is what we tend to do when we assume.  We make fools of ourselves and/or the other person on the other side of the encounter.  Or it(the assumption) does even greater damage as the above quote alludes to.  Assumptions are dangerous, nasty and unnecessary.  We know that don't we? Yet here we are constantly flinging assumptions in everyone's direction.

Karma

I bring this up because I am guilty of making assumptions.  I have made them and I make them. Karma has intervened as she often will to teach me the error of my ways.  :)  She has made me the prime recipient of a lovely long term assumption gift wrapped in beautiful Latin/Greek jargon and "professional opinion". Because of the gift wrapping the assumption stuck to me like glue and follows me everywhere I go.  The paper it is written on gets thicker and thicker, proving the assumption even more correct to all my "first encounters" who step away as quickly as I enter in whatever form I enter. No one sees beyond the paper because no one wants to disrupt the "expert wrapping" .  There I am beneath it all, waving my hands wildly around shouting, "You who...you up there, I am in here.  I am not the assumption.  Sure there is some truth in some of it...there always is...but I am not what they say I am.  Help me!"

Big long analogy to simply say...that others have made assumptions about me, incorrect ones, and it has cost me greatly. I am not what they say I am because I say I am what they say I am not. lol How's that for a mind twister? It doesn't matter anymore. Despite what it costs me in terms of help and life support,  I give up.  I can't fight it.  Well let me rephrase that...I choose not to fight it any longer.  I am too bloody tired. Let them think what they think.  (This is where I insert a big long pathetic sigh....and another...just for added effect.)

The Receiving End of Assumption

We all have been on the receiving end of an assumption at one time or another.  An opinion may have been formed about you and it may have stuck.  It may have  been passed along as it was in my case, as in many cases, until it became somewhat of a conviction in the minds of others. People tend to make choices and act on those assumption based convictions.  ( Another big sloppy sigh).  You may have been on the receiving end of those decisions.Others may have collected information and evidence in an attempt to prove that the assumption was not true but as is human nature...they probably found it a lot easier to gather whatever information they could to prove that it was. The assumption once formed tends to seal the well wrapped box around you.

So what do we do when we are on the receiving end, especially in this process of awakening?  What steps do we take to find peace of mind when we perceive suffering because of wrong assumption about us?  This is what I am in the process of doing.

Steps to dealing with Assumption:

• Validate that an assumption has indeed been made about you.  Heck sometimes we are just assuming that someone else is assuming something about us.  That is a lot of assumption soup to drown in.  Are you sure that someone thinks that of you or worse is passing it on? I know.
• Once you are sure determine how much it matters to your life goals.  If someone you barely know is just assuming that you are a bit "cold" when really you are just shy, how much does that matter? If your life partner assumes that you no longer love them  when you pull away, that's another matter.  Or as in my case...is your physical, emotional and financial  health effected because of it?  I lost  a full time job, any hope of getting external help in my search for wellness, support, my reputation as a person with great integrity to some degree, and all my life savings because of this assumption. So it cost me greatly in physical world terms.
• Find the learning and the truth in it.  There is always a smidgeon of truth in every assumption...something picked up by the other side that led to the formation of the  assumption in the first place.  Discover what that might be.There are some small truths in my case that I know could have led to the assumption made about me.  I can see that.  Heck, if the tables were turned I might be the one doing the assuming.(Wouldn't that be nice...to be on that side lol...joking!!!)   I accept that truth and do my best to learn from it. 
• Forgive the ones making the assumption.  Say what crazy lady?  You want to forgive those who put you in that awful place. Yeah!  I do.  I have learned that forgiveness heals...me.  It is not about the others, it is about me.  I do not want to carry around anger and blame any longer.  It is just too heavy.  I also know that I have made assumptions in the past so how can I justify blaming others who have made them about me.
• Find the blessing in the assumption.  Say what crazy lady?  You really are what they assume you to be, aren't ya? I look at it this way, after so many years of perceived suffering, if the assumption about me was never made than I would not have begun the awakening process and be where I am right now with so much awareness about what really is important.  If the assumption was not made about me and things turned out differently,  I would have been lulled back into the mundane state of doing, owning, surviving that I have been in for most of my life.  If the assumption was not made I would not have written my novel about the assumption. The assumption removed physical world validation from me and that led me to search inward for "real" validation. Now that is a blessing.
• Know the truth about what is real for you and most importantly who you are.  You know if what is assumed about you is true or not...that is really all that matters. We will never get the full approval of everyone nor do we need to.  The only approval you need to see you through even the hardest days is yours. I know what is true for me and I know what isn't.  I really do not need others to believe it and putting energy into trying to change minds so I change the circumstances of my life is just too damn exhausting.  Let them think what they will.  I, my loved ones and above all else God knows the difference.
• Know what you really want.  I want peace more than I want what a change in assumption would give me. Knowing that, why would I waste any more energy trying to attain a change in opinion from others when I can direct my energy to more peaceful pursuits.
• Do what is right in your heart. I pursued this for as long as I did for two reasons: I wanted to change opinion so that I could have the means to survive physically and financially.  Like I said this assumption was effecting my physical and financial health. I also pursued it out of an altruistic need to do what was right.  If I was suffering the negative consequences from such an assumption, others might be too.  I felt I had to make a stand for all of us. (Sorry guys...didn't get us very far...but it is not over yet...we can still speak our truth even if it doesn't pay the bills :)
• Pick yourself up and go on.  No one's opinion of you should ever keep you down for long.
• Stop making assumptions yourself. Now you know what it feels like.  Be kind and do your best to put away your assumptions and judgments about others.  Don't stop finding the good and the evidence for the person's expression of their truth until they tell you it is time to do so. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

I love this quote from Wayne Dyer who got it from the father of self actualization, Abraham Maslow,

To be self actualized is to be absent of the need for the good opinion of others.

Be absent of the need for good opinion.  It will not sustain you. Let people continue to make an ass of themselves by assuming if they want to but know they can never make an ass of you unless you give them permission to do so.

It is all good. All is well in my world.