Lesson Two: Being Willing to Let Go of the Story

Be alert and present and see that your identity is not your past story; who you truly are is the alert presence that is inseparable from the present moment. You are this, which has no name and no form.
Eckhart Tolle (http://www.azquotes.com/author/14703-Eckhart_Tolle/tag/past)

We all have a story. 

I have a story...a pretty interesting one, maybe, a little stranger than fiction lol but still it is just a story. I clung to it with white knuckles for decades because I thought my story explained why I was the way I was...it defined me. I found who I thought I was in it.  I would tell myself and others over and over again..."Oh! I want to let this go...it is just too painful" but all the while I would cling to my past.  Tighter and tighter, I clung, despite the pain, holding my breath against any one's direction to "let go." 

Truth is, I never really wanted to let go of my story no matter how much pain it may have caused.  I feared what the process of letting go entailed and I feared that if the story was gone so would I be.  The story, after all, has been with me forever and it has  become as familiar as family.  Just as I pull the old, "I can't help having blue eyes and  a nose that is a bit too big for my face...it is in my family genes." I pull out the "I can't help it when I screw up, make bad choices or hurt others...it is in my family story."  This story provides a great excuse for not living.

 I tell myself it  is a part of me now. It has become as much a part of me  as the ugly birth mark on the back of my hand.  Not pretty but something I fear would leave a big gapping ulcer of raw flesh if it were removed. I don't want that exposure.  I don't want that pain. So I tell myself it is me and I cling to it.

I cling to it.  I wrap my bony fingers and my overloaded mind around the  life events that will never be again. I  pathologically attach myself to a time that is nothing more than memory, giving solid form status to smoke. I allow the pain from that "Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived..." to cast a shadow over my present, the only real life there is and ever will be.

For the first time in my life I am truly willing to let go. I want freedom from my past.  I want to embrace my now.  I want to embrace who I really am...this "alert presence."  I am ready and I know to be fully present as my true Self I need to let go of the story my little self clings to. I know it isn't going to be easy but heck hanging on to this story has not been easy either.

Maybe you are ready to let go of your story too...and if you are, this is what I believe we must do.
Two major steps are involved: Processing through the story and letting it go.

I. Processing through the story:

• Stop resisting the full nature of those memories.  We cannot keep supressing, stuffing or intellectualizing our way through pain.  There is a good chance that there are a lot of details, thoughts and emotions that you have not processed through completely related to these memories.  That is one of the reasons why we cling to our stories.  We have  stuffed them down so deep it is hard to retrieve it with anything but cold detached intellectualization. We may resist feeling.
• Tell your story to at least one person. (or more if you are so inclined).  Writing your story is so freeing even if you are not a writer. Put the story down in words, images, music. When you are ready you can pass it on. Just make sure you tell it initially to someone who is truly ready to hear it and to accept it as a gift and not a burden.  I recently made the error in my processing to give my written story to someone I thought would receive it as a gift and soon realized it was seen as a great burden.  This individual now has my story but doesn't want it...and I feel a part of me is lingering in an  unaccepting place.  I want to ask for it back but I do not know how. (Awkward! lol). The two others I have given it to see it as the gift it was intended to be. Just know that this is the most "exposing" thing you will ever do. So do your best to put that story in accepting, loving and appreciative hands or eyes or ears. Maybe ask if the recipient is ready and then judge accordingly before you share.
•  To truly process we may have to do what we didn't do then...feel it completely. We need to stop resisting and be  willing to feel the pain that lingers within.  Remember that emotional pain and trauma is trapped in your cells.  It can do damage, block energy flow, create illness.  It needs to be released. Feel it, experience it.  Yucky but necessary.  You may need help and time to do that.
• Accept your story and more importantly yourself despite your story.  Yep it happened...maybe your memories are foggy and you have done some fabricating to fill in missing details and blotches but it...whatever it was...happened.  It has caused a certain amount of pain. That pain has settled in your body and your heart. It has effected your beliefs and the way you see the world and yourself.  EFT may help you get to a level of acceptance if you are so inclined. Or try visualization, Post Traumatic Trauma Release, PMR, affirmations etc...anything that will help you accept fully without resistance your experience, your feelings and yourself!

II. Letting go of the story:

• Once you have truly processed through your story you can begin the process of letting go. This starts with asserting a renewed willingness to let go. Are you truly willing to let go? Or are you still arguing and rationalizing who you are by your story?  Are you still saying: You don't understand what I have been through?  You don't understand what it was like and what it is like to be me because of it? But...but...but...this is what happened?  If you are doing that...you may not yet be willing to let go.
• Think, feel but don't dwell on your story for too long.  As soon as you find yourself rationalizing...you are  building up momentum, giving evidence to something that is no longer.  You are giving into ego's desire to resist the release. You need to feel with the sole intention to release.
• See your story as a movie you are watching in your head and the person playing you as just an actor. Remind yourself that you are the person in the seat watching the movie, not the person on the screen! Be willing to  close your eyes to shut out the story or get up and walk away from the screen. Just make the distinction between story and life now.
• Release it all.
• Get reconnected to your present moment. Be mindful of what is happening around you and inside you right now.  Just watch it. Experience it.  Know this is your life, the only life you have.
• Go back and check and see if the story is still stuck somewhere inside you.  When you think of those past memories how does your body feel?   Do you still feel intense anxiety, fear, sadness or a desire to numb, repress, supress or deny?  If you use EFT are your rankings still at a high number? If so...maybe you have some more processing to do. Go back and start over.
• Gently experience who you really are.  You are not a two dimensional figure on a screen, not a storybook character and not a story.  You are this observer, with no name or no form that is breathing and experiencing, living and smiling right here, right now. Be you.

I am still going through the last few steps, sometimes repetitively lol but like you I am determined to get there. I intend  to get beyond my story to who I really am. I hope you do the same because I have a strong feeling that who you are beyond the story has a lot more to offer the world than a fairy tale character ever could.

All is well in my world!