Leap of Faith!

Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.
Rabindranath Tagore

 

 Leap of Faith

 

 

I have decided to take another leap of faith.  To give up some old tired and socially ingrained beliefs that have lead to an exhausting  20 year cat and mouse  chase for me, getting me nowhere but "sicker", more broke, and stuck in fear generated despair. I asked the universe, over and over again, the old familiar question: "Why me?  Why is this assumption sticking so tenaciously to me at the cost of so much?  Why can I not get past it so I can get what I need, what I deserve?"

 

The answer is simple.  I am to learn and to grow from this wonderful experience of so called suffering.  I am to bless it and embrace it, for it is turning me around and pointing me in the direction I truly want to go in. It is showing me the healing I really need which has nothing to do with institutions the rest of society is dependent on...but on me, on what lay within me.

 

There is a Buddhist proverb found in Wayne Dyer's There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem (2001), "If you are facing in the right direction, all you need to do is keep walking."

 

All this time I have been facing in the wrong direction, looking for answers and help in places I will never get it.  I was stepping forward again and again, thinking I was doing all the "right" things, taking all the "right" steps for myself and others but now I realize I was going the wrong way.  I was pushing against. I was resisting what is.  Now, I  have to turn around and face another direction. 

 

There is really only one problem and therefore only one solution.  The problem I face is not in what my body seems to be doing, in my physical and emotional pain, in the financial issues or in other "life circumstances."   The solution then will never be found in the right diagnosis, the right procedure, the right treatment or the right external support. The only solution I need is God.  

 

If getting help would have been easier...I would never have gotten to this point of absolute realization. For that, I am so very grateful.

 

I am ready to take that leap of faith and walk in this other direction: inward. In order to do that, I have to disentangle myself from all that was holding me back. I have to be free. Some would call it "Giving up and giving in" but I call it freedom. Wow! How wonderful it will be to live again.

 

In the physical world sense, this thing I am deciding to do  may be seen as a risky and dangerous leap.  In the "real world" sense, however, it is just a change in direction and one tiny step forward in the "right" direction.

 

 

It is all so very good.