If you sleep, desire grows in you like a vine in the forest. Like a monkey in the forest you jump from tree to tree, never finding the fruit.- from life to life, never finding peace. If you are filled with desire your sorrows swell like the grass after the rain. But if you subdue desire your sorrows shall fall from you like drops of water from a lotus flower.
The Buddha
I know from what was read in the last few days my back and forth on"wanting" could be a little confusing for readers. In 2017 I was trying out the "Law of Attraction", at the same time I was going deeper into Self. My life seemed to be a mess: I was sick, having to go off work again and again,denied support, and therefore barely surviving financially. Family life seemed to have one major issue after another etc. My whole focus was on these seemingly great problems unfolding in front of me. I was desperately trying to escape my situation...looking for more, "craving" more actually. Thus my interest in what the Law of Attraction might provide= hope.
I was also practicing yoga and studying Buddhist sutras and dogmas. These ancient wisdoms, ironically, were reminding me of truths that were the opposite of the "wanting" prescribed by the law made popular in The Secret. They were all about accepting "what is". They prescribed "wanting and craving" as the problem...not the solution. I would find some peace in these ancient teachings that resonated in every cell of me. But when Life threw another major challenge my way I found myself craving and wanting again. "How can I accept this?" I found myself shouting out to the Universe, turning to this idea, once again, that I might be able to think what I want into our lives...reaching for a life line of hope to get myself and my family through this mess. So yeah, I went back and forth between these two seemingly polar opposite approaches to Life for many years.
What the Law of Attraction gave me in terms of hope was so superficial. It handed me a flimsy rain coat and a picture of a rainbow to hold on to in the midst of a storm. What the ancient teachings gave me was a solid shelter to return to again and again no matter what was happening out there. One approach turned "me" outward as I looked up at the sky crying, "Please, please, stop raining down on me!"And the other approach ripped right through the raincoat, the form I call "me" standing there drenched with a picture of a rainbow in her hand [dreamboard]. It ripped right through everything this "me" seemed to have going on to the unharmed, untouched being beneath the "me". The shelter from this storm, I soon realized, was not out there, it was in here where it always was. There really was no storm, anywhere but in my mind. The sun was still shining brilliantly below that stormy cloud cover. It was always there. The learning from these ancient teachings showed me that I created cloud cover with my resistance to what Life was throwing my way...and that there was really no "my way" or "me". Who I really was ...was this shelter. I knew this truth! I was home! I knew it didn't matter what was happening to me or around me ....who I really was was okay. It was like Wow!
Of course I am still very much unevolved. I still slip away from the shelter again and again. I still have this impression at times that I am being poured upon by challenging life circumstances. I still slip into old habitual ways of perceiving and responding to Life. I still find myself wanting and even "craving" for Life circumstance to be different than what it is sometimes. That is happening less and less though. You will not see too many entries like the ones I wrote on wanting in 2017 or before anymore. I see now that "Not wanting" is not the cancer I thought it was...'Wanting" is actually the life sapping malignancy. Realizing that, I have evolved, (at least a bit).
Well, that is what I have come to see.
All is well.
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