Staying Present When the Other Person Isn't

 

One present person can make a difference in the entire energy field of a group...

Eckhart Tolle

I have to remind myself of that again and again and again, knowing that the opposite is also true.  One very unconscious person can draw everyone around into a very negative energy pull. 

I have been struggling over the holidays to keep my presence.  I have been feeling very scattered and pulled into the unconsciousness of others.  ( Please note: I am aware that ego wants to slip in through the back door and make me appear spiritually superior in my pointing out the unconsciousness of others...but I am  also so aware of the fact that my being pulled indicates a lack of stable consciousness in myself. I am no better than anyone else.)

There has been so much unconscious negativity surrounding me.  That negativity gets expressed outwardly and through behaviours.  Nothing was directed at me other than in constant expressions of unhappiness and hopelessness, self deprecation, guilt and shame. ...  but I see and viscerally feel the heavy pull down ward. I  have, it seems, no choice but to observe the choices in behaviour that are too much for me to even address.  

Yet, others insist on coming to me  to tell me of their choices: " I have to do this...even though it is the worse thing I can do because I have no other choice.  Unless you have other options for me?"  I give them options, wholesome, healthy options, but am told that they are not desirable options or good enough. I refer them again and again to other networks of support...offer to take them here and there, to be there when they call but am told that, because of past experiences which were not positive ( I see that) that they cannot or will not get the help they need.  So an attempt is made to place at least some of the responsibility on me again for the unwholesome  choices that are about to be made because I did not come up with reasonable alternatives. I see the unconsciousness in this.  I do.  I do my best to stay in presence,  not to judge it,  but to view this behaviour as coming from a mind of a child in evolutionary terms.  I am able to stay compassionate and understanding to some degree when I do that ...but my state of presence, consciousness, after a period of time gets pulled down into the muck and mire of this negativity and poor choices. 

Then I turn around. somewhat depleted, to see another form of deep self deprecating negativity in another loved one struggling to get through the holidays, struggling to get out of bed, and my heart breaks.  I do my best to stay present, offering support, referring elsewhere etc to no avail.....Even though I see what is happening from a higher level of consciousness; even though I know that the attention on this pain, the constant commenting on it, the creation of stories around it, the feeding of it  is  just pulling the person down farther....my sharing of this insight is limited as the person is not ready to hear it. Sigh! I then find myself actually feeling  their pain and it is overwhelming. 

Then I turn around to another whose own chaotic energy has always pulled me into it.  I struggle to anchor down and stay still as I love and give but find myself reacting and resisting in  those winds of energy turbulence. After just a short period of time, I am further drained.

Then behind me, I become aware of another whose long term unhealthy, self destructive choices  have become so quiet, nothing but a hum in the background of my life, in comparison to the loud noises right  in front of me. Still I feel the pain...so much stuffed pain. My heart breaks. Presence slips a way a bit more...

And all this is just in my immediate midst. There is so much further out there beyond this proximity to consider. With what have I got left to consider and deal with that? Unconsciousness drags me into the drama right here, I so long to escape from, and I am filled with thoughts of my responsibility in this suffering.  "How could this be? What did you do wrong? What didn't you do?  Why can't you stop it or fix it?" 

I know in my heart of hearts that the solution isn't in anything out there or in "fixing them". It is in me.  I need to be fully  present first.  I know I need to be still and consciously aware of the mess I have inside first...so that I can purify enough to be truly there for another. My presence is the healing element in all of this. 

Your state of consciousness gets reflected in other humans...Sometimes there is a healing effect you may have without wanting to change a situation, but by remaining present in a situation...remaining nonreactive, you may somehow change the environment without feeling like you are doing it. Eckhart Tolle

I want to believe that.  So, I go back to my sadhanna, back to my practice, back to the learning to stay present...again, and again, and again.

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle ( December, 2023) Navigating Family and Work Situations with Presence. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axW-XOY9vfk