Serendipity: The Universe giving you a reassuring wink that you are on the right path.
Dr. Erin Fall Haskell
Hmmm! Another book fell on my lap while I was pondering the awe of of serendipitous events in my life. Go figure. Another wink from the universe?
All is well.
You are the presence beyond the thinking mind without which there would be no thinking.
Eckhart Tolle
What Doesn't Matter?
Sometimes, it is very easy to lose our selves in ego. We want to appear to be a certain way in the world, to avoid the feared inferiority we so often feel in comparison to one another and that, in turn, often leads us to create an image of superiority. We see this as "confidence" and "esteem"...when it is nothing more that ego blushing and rushing. And this image has nothing to do with who we really are.
We know we have gone beyond ego's grip on us when we are the same with everyone, when we don't don one persona for one person, and a different one for another person. We also know we have transcended this when external things lose their ability to make us "happy" or "unhappy".When we know at the deepest level that all "this [the external happenings, situations, appearances of self and other] doesn't really matter.
What matters?
Self
Which is?
Something deeper, much bigger and more important than your external image or life situation, whatever it may be. Self is that still, spacious, presence that is not dependent on what is happening around you or what you or others think about your idea of "me". It just is.
All is well in my world!
Eckhart Tolle (Nov, 2020) The Source of True Power. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSElLZN8-qI
Eckhart Tolle (July 2020) Guided Meditation: The Arising of Your Natural State. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eQ6MKxrIjs
Just noticed something kookie! I have always loved Tom Petty and on Sept 28, 2017 I quoted a song of his in an entry entitled, Time to Get Goin.
It was the first time I ever quoted him in this blog. He was on my mind and he and the lyrics I quoted, remained on my mind during the days I was away.
A few days later, he died unexpectedly.
Huh?
Isn't that a little crazy? Maybe there is such thing as the Universal Subconscious Mind?
All is well!
The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
James Garsfield https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/truth-quotes
Another Story
In another story told by Kornfield, a young boy from a small Indian village was bitten by a poisonous snake. The parents, in panic, ran seeking help and came across a yogi. They pleaded with the yogi to come with them to help their son. On the way the yogi repeated over and over that he was not a healer.
By the time they arrived at the boy's side, the parents finally believed him and then requested, " If you cannot heal the boy maybe an act of truth can?"
Each of the three had to reveal a truth about themself.
The yogi started, "I am not a healer. In fact, I am not even a very good yogi. I often go into the market place and participate in acts that a true yogi wouldn't. By this truth... may the posion be removed from this boy's body."
The boy opened his eyes but still could not move.
The father went next, "I have not always been a loving father or husband. I have been selfish and unfaithful. By this truth, ...may the posion be removed from my son's body. "
The boy began to move his upper limbs but still could not get up.
The mother began, "I do not love my husband. I resent my marriage. I am unhappy in it. Though I love my son, I do wish I never married this controlling and sometimes cruel man I call my husband. By this truth, ...may the posion be removed from my son's body. "
The boy got up and walked around the room. The three adults, however, were crumpled over in the wreckage of their truths.
What is an Act of Truth?
An Act of Truth, saccakiriya, is said, according to a paper published by the Asiatic society in 1917, to be " a formal declaration of fact, accompanied by a command, resolution or prayer that the purpose of the agent will be accomplished." https://www.jstor.org/stable/25209288?seq=1
Huh?
In other words if you speak a truth outloud you will get your wish. This ancient ritual is a form of prayer, sacrifice for another, in a sense. To save the life of the boy, the parents and the yogi offered up a truth they hid from others for the protection of the life they had come to know.
The Sacrifice
The yogi identified as a yogi, wanted others to see him as a devoted, pure, holy person...but in truth he was as human as most, making mistakes, erring in his ways ( what many would call sinning). To admit out loud that he was not always on the true spiritual path would not only change how others looked at him , it would unsettle his own view of "self".
The father, a pillar in the community, wanted others to see him as a devoted and loving father and husband. More than that he wanted to believe he was. To tell his wife and this yogi that he wasn't was a disruption to the persona he created and it would be like, "Who am I now?"
The mother, needed to follow the social expectations of her culture to be a submissive, self denying wife and mother putting aside her own needs for others. In order to cope in this "female" role and stay subservient to her husband she would have to deny that she had feelings of lovelessness, resentment and needs of her own. How was she going to cope now that she admitted outloud what she had supressed and denied for so long? How would her husband treat her now?
Not Only The Boy was Healed
Though it seemed like their lives were now in ruin, the yogi and the parents, like the boy had actually released posion from their bodies. This posion...the denial and supression of truth...was actually preventing them from living authentic and pure lives. These modifications of truth they held onto for so long had left a thick veil between them and Self, God, Life, the Universal flow of energy. When they uttered the truths out loud, it was like spitting out the poison that was contaminating their lives as well as the boy's. It was cleansing and healing.
Sure it was not pleasant to be so exposed...but only in that exposure could they heal. Only in that exposure could they be free.
And what was being destroyed? What was that posion? The ego, the "idea of who they thought they were", the "image", and the "little me"...not Self. Self was freed by truth. And the world healed a bit.
Truth heals the world.
Hmm! Well that is the way I heard this story but then again what do I know?
If this ancient ritual actually worked, though, wouldn't that be cool? What would be your wish, your prayer, your request for resolution? And more importantly what would be the truth you would utter and face, in order to have it accomplished? What is that truth you hide, that would possibly seemingly shatter your life as it comes out but at the same time sest you free, as it heals the world?
Something to think about don't you think?
All is well!
Jack Kornfield ( July 2020) Medicine of the Dharma. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfLkuoDaOBQ
Everything is burning. Burning with what? Burning with the fires of greed, hatred and delusion.
The Buddha ( Fire sutras)
I listened to a video today from Jack Kornfield (see below) about how the dharma...Buddhist teachings ...can be used as a salve or medicine for a very sick and "fevered" world. These teachings echo many other teachings, focusing on the need for loving awareness and compassion to heal what is broken.
He clearly stated that the core wound of our world today is "othering"...making seperate our "little me's", creating borders based on geography, specy, race, sex, colour, economic status, individual body identification, belief, opinion etc etc. It echoes, in a sense what Jesus taught, what Patanjali taught, what ACIM teaches. We need to see beyond this concept we cling to of "individual self in a dangerous world" and the "otherness" of all beings outside ourself.
Hmm! He relayed a couple of stories that I found truly interesting. I would like to relay one here and one in a subsequent entry.
Ashoko putting out the fire
The first was of Emperor Ashoko, a Great Indian ruler of the Maurya dynasty dating back to 268-232 BCE. One day after conquering most of the asian sub continent in a bloody battle, Ashoko stood in his tent overlooking a battle field full of carnage and loss. In amongst the devastation brought about the slaughter he ordered, he observed a Buddhist Monk in Orange making his way over the field tenderly caring for wounded soldiers from both sides. The monk was absolutely calm, serene, deatched, graceful and peaceful as he went from body to body. The King, even though he had at that moment gained almost everything the physical world could provide realized he did not have what the monk had...peace of mind and that without that he really had nothing of value.
So he had his officers bring the monk to him in order to teach him love, compassion and true leadership. Thus he converted to Buddhism and set out to make India and the asian countries he ruled, understand and respect the dharma. He had edicts and inscriptions written on massive stone pillars, on rocks and in caves declaring the importance of the dharma, the importance of love and respect for all living beings.
On the 11th Pillar the edict transcribed reads as translated from the original Brahmi:
And it consists of this: proper behavior towards servants and employees, respect for mother and father, generosity to friends, companions, relations, Brahmans and ascetics, and not killing living beings. Therefore a father, a son, a brother, a master, a friend, a companion or a neighbor should say: "This is good, this should be done." One benefits in this world and gains great merit in the next by giving the gift of the Dhamma.htmlhttps://www.cs.colostate.edu/~malaiya/ashoka.html
Asoko set out to put out the fire, first in himself and then in the world.
We do not have to become Buddhists. Even Asoko did not force Buddhism on others. We can continue to practice any religion we like but maybe we can learn to live a little better by adhering to Buddhist philosophy.
We can learn that greed and hatred are not the answer for a peaceful life. They are based on the delusion that there is such thing as "others" .
We are all one Loving awareness. We do not need to burn our world down and each of us in it. Let's put out the fires with love and compassion.
Jack Kornfield is an amazing teacher. Have a listen.
All is well.
Jack Kornfield (July 15, 2020) The Medicine of the Dharma.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfLkuoDaOBQ
Ven S. Dhammika (1993 ) The Edicts of Ling Ashoka. Buddhist Publications Society https://www.cs.colostate.edu/~malaiya/ashoka.html
Concepts are learned. They are not natural. Apart from learning they do not exist. They are not given, so they must be made. Not one of them is true, and many come from feverish imaginations, hot with hatred and distortion and born of fear. What is a concept but a thought to which its maker gives a meaning of his own? Concepts maintain the world but they can not be used to demonstrate the world is real. For all of them are made within the world, born in shadow, growing in its ways and finally "maturing" in its thoughts. They are ideas of idols, painted with the brushes of the world, which cannot make a single picture representing truth.
ACIM-T-Chapter 31: V:7:1-10
Before I get into what I really wanted to talk about today, I want to look deeply into this passage from ACIM that I shared yesterday. It will tie into our taking refuge.
Concepts are learned. They are not natural. Apart from learning they do not exist. They are not given, so they must be made.
Are we at the point where we truly see that concepts....our labelling, our naming, our words, our thoughts, our ideas, beliefs, opinions, preferences, aversions etc etc- are not a natural part of who we really are. We learned and were conditioned to perceive and think a certain way. We created theses 'signs' in our minds and failed to see beyond them. We didn't come here with them...ego made them. Though they may seem so real to us, they are not reality...simply mental formations.
Not one of them is true, and many come from feverish imaginations, hot with hatred and distortion and born of fear.
In themselves these concepts are not true. They were meant as pointers that pointed to reality but we stopped at them and failed to look at what they are pointing to. They are not truth...which is a good thing because coming from ego they are built on fear creating all kinds of negative and seemingly destructive imaginings in our head.
What is a concept but a thought to which its maker gives a meaning of his own?
They in themselves have no meaning other than what we give them. We invest the energy of belief into things that have no meaning.
Concepts maintain the world but they can not be used to demonstrate the world is real.
Though these concepts create the external world we believe is real and keep it going. The world is just an extension of thought, right? (Being that most of us are lost in our heads , its like a shared delusion and illusion). These thoughts cannot show us what is real because they are not real. To truly experience reality, we need to go beyond the concept, the pointer...to what is being pointed to.
For all of them are made within the world, born in shadow, growing in its ways and finally "maturing" in its thoughts.
How can they point to the real world when they are made in the unreal world of ego. They are like the figures in a dream ...they get bigger and bigger and apparently more and more real to us as the nightmare continues but they are not real, just dream figures.
They are ideas of idols, painted with the brushes of the world, which cannot make a single picture representing truth.
They are just ideas of the things that can save us from this nightmarish world. Seemingly offering refuge. They are created by the tools the world uses to get by, ego's tools. And the picture they create is a distorted image of reality. It not the "real" "true" picture of what is.
What am I getting at?
I awoke last night and as I lay in bed I began to think of my children and others who are seemingly taking refuge in external things, including this house of mine. I like to provide a healing place of refuge for those who need it, but I wondered...when does it stop being helpful. When does a refuge become a comfort zone trap?
What does that have to do with "concepts"?
Well is it not true that many of us take refuge in the "idea" of things, in our belief that certain things are "good" and should be sought because they make us feel good and safe? And certain things are bad and should be avoided because they make us feel anxious and unsafe? We have ideas about what is good and what is bad; what is safe and what isn't? We not only take refuge in "places" we feel safe in but in these concepts, theses beliefs, as well.
A Safe Place isn't real
Is there such thing as a "safe place" ...a specific geographical place that ...is safe? "Safe" is just a concept, and so is "place".
Yet we are constantly seeking to find a refuge, in times like this, in a particular geographical space such as a room, a house, a neighborhood or community. We seek a " safe place" in a given set of circumstances, usually in the future..."When this or that happens, it will be safe." Or in a special relationship. We learn to do this. We create this notion of a safe place in our minds and we live according to this idea.
True Refuge
True refuge, however, goes beyond a conceptual idea of a "safe place". We can find it at any time, in any place, with anyone under any given circumstance. Unlike a concept, true refuge is natural, given, true, and able to demonstrate what is real.
When I see my children seeking refuge in corners, circumstances, things, other people I watch with a heavy heart. I try to keep this home open, without judgment...as I try to keep my mind.
My children are adults now. It is no longer my place to determine what is real for them in terms of refuge....but I do ask:
Is this refuge you are seeking healthy for you and others in the long run? Will it serve your body and mind with little to know negative effect on other beings? Will it trap you in its apparent comfort? Or will you be able to leave it any time? Will it provide much needed rest for your rejuvenation or will it swallow you up?
Is this refuge you are seeking wise? Have you pondered over whether or not it is simply the "idea" of the thing that brings you to it or does it really take you to a place of true security that is not effected by the winds of external world distractions? Will you be able to find and give to Self from here...and then give to the world from here?
Is this refuge or escape?
True refuge is an internal ...non local space. It is not an escape but a pitstop to tap into the spiritual energy that allows us to go "back out there" and serve. It does not trap, like many external notions of refuge cand do, it frees. In Vietnamese Zen Buddhism this refuge is called "an cu".
The Buddha speaks of it in the Diamond Sutra. In the Plum village Video below, we are encourged by Br Phap Dung to avoid relying on our concepts and conventions but to seek the non local refuge instead. The awakened mind must arise from this non-local, internal space that is undisturbed by anything that is taking place around us. That is true refuge beyond concepts.
Hmmm!
Something to think about!
All is well!
ACIM-Chapter 31
Plum Village (November 2, 2020) The Most Reliable Refuge During Uncertain Times /Dharma Talk by Br. phap Dung/ Deer Park Monastery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=-EIvuC9tUS0
Salvation can be seen as nothing more than the escape from concepts.
ACIM-T-chapter 31: V:14:3
Timely, as serendipity makes Life events, I opened up to this video today from Eckhrat Tolle. Why Eckhart Tolle has become my main teacher in human embodiment, I don't know but I guess he is, for whatever reason. In this video he was talking about ACIM and that in itself struck me funny because I was just at that moment mentally trying to connect the teachings of A Course with what I have been learning from Maharshi's teachings.
There was a word, in ACIM, that kept tripping me up. I wrote about it a few months back and that word is "salvation". Well this video opened up with " Salvation is undoing"...a line from the What is salvation lessons...in the sense that it does nothing, failing to support the world of dreams and malice.
When we simply stop "thinking", we know everything in the only way it can be known. When we stop labelling, judging, perceiving wrongly, we get beyond what we falsely believe is real to what is. We will wake up from dream state. We will find salvation.
Concepts are not reality. The Truth of who we are and what the world really is, lies beyond the concept of "self" and the world. Self and Reality cannot be experienced with thought.Concepts just get in the way of us realizing Self, as Maharshi taught.
Though terminology may differ, there is so much similarity between the teachings.
A Course uses the word 'salvation' but Maharshi and the ancient Hindu and Yoga sutras would use the word," Liberation" . When we escape from the concepts we pollute this present moment with, this experience of reality with, we will discover the natural truth that has always been there. We will be "saved". We will be "freed" from the bondage of the mind.
Salvation then is so simple...escape from concepts.
So strong is man's conviction of the reality of the world that it is not easily shaken off. But the world is no more real than than individual who sees it. Maharshi
Concepts are learned. They are not natural. Apart from learning they do not exist. They are not given, so they must be made. Not one of them is true, and many come from feverish imaginations, hot with hatred and distortion and born of fear. What is a concept but a thought to which its maker gives a meaning of his own? Concepts maintain the world but they can not be used to demonstrate the world is real. For all of them are made within the world, born in shadow, growing in its ways and finally "maturing" in its thoughts. They are ideas of idols, painted with the brushes of the world, which cannot make a single picture representing truth.ACIM-T-Chapter 31: V:7:1-10
I can see that above passage is going to require some dissecting...next time.
All is well.
ACIM (2007) A Course in Miracles; Combine Volume, Text, Chapter 31 & Workbook,What is Salvation?Intro. Foundation For Inner Peace
Arthur Osborne (ED) (2002) The Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi In His Own Words. Kindle Edition
Eckhart Tolle (January 2020) Break Free From Conceptual Realityhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTg6Rqlz6ts
Shall we continue to allow God's grace to shine in unawareness, while the toys and trinkets of the world are sought instead? ...What could we seek but our Identity?
Wow! It has been a while and more than sporadic, but my committment to finisihing the lessons in A Course continues.
4. What is Sin?
According to ACIM, sin is insanity...a state of mind where we give up truth and choose illusions instead. It is, infact, the home of illusions. What illusions grow in this idea of sin? Belief that there is such things as evil in human beings, that we are not eternal and will die, and that we are and can be seperate from our Source. With Self Realization, the belief in sin will be dismantled naturally.
I liken the descriptions here to the teachings from Uell S. Andersen, Maharshi and the Buddhist teachings on sin.
Relating to Other Teachings
In Hebrew, the word 'sin' means to simply miss the mark...to make a mistake in perception, to see incorrectly. The Buddhists call this "wrong view" or "unskilful percetion'. Maharshi refers to sin as simply our mistaking the veil of ego impurities and illusions over the flawless Self as our reality.
And Andersen in Three Magic words states, Evil is a wrong road, a mistake, a pain expereince, simply a search on the road toward truth; and since it is not truth it is error; and since it is error it is illusion.
Lesson 251: I am in need of nothing but the truth
After suffering as long as we have in our mistaken ideas...we come to realize that the only way through is by going in towards the truth of our exisrence. ( maybe what Maharshi would call ot Absolute Reality). When we find this truth, [this Self?] all sin will end becaus eall external seeking directed by ego will stop. Realizing that sin and ego are simply illusions , we will find the peace of truth and realization.
Lesson 252: The Son of God is my Identity
This is a plea for awakening to Self and the Love of God illuminated in that Self. Once we realize who and what we are...there will be no more need for external grasping which creates this idea of sin.
Leson 253: My Self is ruler of the universe .
Again we are speaking about how Self realization, is going home to the truth . We realize our power and our ability to rule our destiny. We are reminded of how we are One with Self and that God is Self. You are the Self Whom You created Son
Lesson 254: Let every voice but God's be still in me
Here we ask God to help us get beyond ego's voice and direction and hear only God's Voice which can only be heard in silence. In silence God will let us know what we really want (our will) . Our will is God's Will and we are to be reminded of it.
Lesson 255: This day I choose to spend in perfect peace
Here we choose peace, the peace of surrendering to God's Will, not ego's.
Lesson 256: God is the only goal I have today
Through forgiveness of anyone who we think has wronged us and whom God created sinless,we make God our Goal.
Lesson 257: Let me remember what my purpose is
We must remember that we can have no Will but God's and forgiveness is God's Will. It is our purpose to forgive and that is to see clearly.
Lesson 258: Let me remember that my goal is God
Aganin we are reminded that God, Self Realization is our only goal. All other goals belong to ego and are fruitless, meaningless and based on illusions.
Lesson 259: Let me remember that there is no sin
Sin is the only thought that makes the goal of God seem unattainable.
Sin is the source of fear, that blinds us to the obvious, leads to defense and attack, guilt and the demand for punishment...thus leading to suffering. We ask to remember that God is the Source of everything and God is Love...not fear.
Lesson 260: Let me remember God created me
Here we ask to be reminded of our Source, and our Identity as God's creation.
All Good!
ACIM Workbook...Lessons 251-260
Only terrestial human beings think of self-hood as being a personal possession.
The Buddha, Diamond Sutra 25
Hmmm! I finally finished reading and taking notes on Maharshi's teachings found in the book below. It was kind of heavy reading at times...requiring a lot of rereading but it opened up some doors to my understanding.
I like this quote from the Buddha that was also included in the book. It is only earth bound/ form focused /semi-conscious and unconscious humans ( figure of speech admittedly used by the Buddha) that think of this idea of self as something we each possess individually. So many of us are identified only with the superficial reality of what we 'think' we are and cling to it, protect it, do whatever we can to keep it alive. We fear that if we give up ownership rights to this idea of "I"...of "me"... we, as a self, will perish and die.
The Paradox
And the reality is... there is no "self"...there is only the One Self and once we realize that we will see there is no Self to realize. If Self is all there is, how can there be a thing to observe It?
Balanced and Free
I was listening to the video below today and the question was raised...can we live in a state of balance as yet to be truly evolved human beings between "little self" and the Absolute Reality of "Greater Self? Most of us are still unconscious(completely lost in the world of thought form and 'little me-ness'), a few of us are semi-conscious ( waking up to the reality that there is Self beyond the body and mind, but still going back and forth between self-identity and Self-identity), and there is a handful that are fully conscious and who live in a state of Self all the time.
Tolle says we can, if we are semi-conscious on our way to full consciousness, find a peaceful balance while living in both the physical world and the spiritual.
Mahrashi says this:
It is said that liberation [which would be peaceful balance ]is of three kinds, with form, without form, or with or without form. Then let me tell you that the extinction of the ego that asks which form of liberation is true, is the only true liberation.
Meaning what?
Until we totally surrender the little me, the idea of a self, be it physical or spiritual, we will never be free.
All is well in my world.
Arthur Osborne ( Ed)(2002) The Teachings of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Mahrashi in His Own Words. Kindle Edition
Eckhart Tolle (November, 2020) The Power of Not Knowing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjqlpvcWGXQ
...and the wisdom to know the difference.
Last line of Serenity prayer
Hmmm! What does this last line of the serenityy prayer have to do with our lives?
Wisdom
What is 'wisdom' and why are we asking for it anyway?
Wisdom, is not determined by how well we score on intelligence tests , nor is it based on how many years of education we have, or the amount of conceptual knowledge we have stored in our brains. It is not about how quickly and effeciently we can use these minds of ours, either. Wisdom does not come from thinking. It comes from accessing that place beyond thinking.
A wise person, then, is a person who has tapped into the inexplicable realm of spacious truth within themselves. When we ask for wisdom in this prayer, we are asking for answers from the One Mind...not ego's version of truth that comes from the activity of the little mind. We as little clumps of flesh and individual minds cannot know this on the superfical level. When we seek wisdom we are seeking to tap into spacious truth where the solutions to all our problesm lie. There is a spiritual solution for every problem. That is wisdom
To Know
To know something from this place of wisdom isn't based on an idea of knowledge. It isn't conceptual at all. It can not be reduced to words or explanations...thoughts or ideas. It is experienced. Knowing is experiencing something beyond the thought of what that something may be. You may have a graduate degree from Oxford, read every book there is to read...but you may 'know' nothing. If it isn't expereinced, felt, remembered as truth...it isn't true knowledge.
I can look at a tree and know on the conceptual level that it is a tree. I may have learned about the species of that tree, how it grows and bears fruit. I may have studied in great detail about the molecular structure of that tree...but do I know the tree? No...I just collected concepts and ideas about the tree. To know the tree is to expereince the tree without the need for words, labels, concepts. To know the tree is to go beyond what is stored in the mind about the tree to the tree. It is to go beyond the perceptions and intrepretations, judgements and assumptions we make about something to the "essence".
To know is to see beyond the information the five senses provide us, beyond what the mind does with that intrepretation to experiencing Truth.
Difference
As soon as we speak of "difference" we are spekaing to this idea of duality...one way or the other. The serenity prayer keeps us in duality while it guides us to the infinite space of "Truth" where there is no duality.
When we speak of the difference between what we can control and what we cannot...we are speaking about the difference between what is real and what isn't, Life's plan for us and egos, what is eternal and never changing and what is temporary and forever changing. We are asking that we 'know', 'feel' experience the difference between what is valuable and valuless so we do not waste our effort on the superficial plane of existence doing things that do not take us to our true goal...Self.
Self is serenity!
Putting it all together
So we pray to a higher power and we ask that higher power to guide us deeper into Self so we can see clearly that which is important and that which isn't...that which is God's plan for us and that which is ego's.
We ask for the ability to accept, allow and surrender to God's plan . We ask for the willingness to walk through fear to do our part in that journey...if it is something we can effectively change...it is our part. And finally we ask for the true clarity that comes from the deeper "I", the higher Self so we can determine the difference between the "human" part of our mission here ( the doing) and the spiritual part which is our "being" in this life as human beings.
"What can and is the human part of me to do until I completely realize Self? And what do I leave to the higher demension where I simply am? Please show me. "
Hmmm! All is well in my world.
The courage to change the things I can...
Serenity Prayer
Let's look at the second line of the serenity prayer, shall we?
Courage
What is meant by "courage? "
I used to think that courageous people were people who had no fear. I would look at certain confident people around me and be so amazed when they got up to speak in public or did some of the many things that terrified me. I thought there was something very, very wrong with me because I was so full of fear.
I understand where' my' fear comes from now and I understand where fear in general comes from. It was in the learning of that, that I discovered and befriended a certain courage.
Believe me, courage does not mean the absence of fear. It is simply the willingness to accept fear and "do it" or "be it" anyway! I have always had a propensity for words and a propensity towards teaching. My Post trauma anxiety was so overwhelming in me, however, that I often denied my calling in order to avoid the fear activation. I used to pray and imagine a life without fear. I waited, then, for fear to go away so I could live the life I felt I was meant to live.
Ummm! As you yourself may have discovered fear does not go away on its own and the more we avoid the bigger it gets!
I realized one day that I had to speak, with or without fear. So I joined Toastmasters and dragged my fear kicking and screaming to the podium with me. I literally passed out, more than once. Still I would get up and keep going up, again and again and again. Eventually, I was participating in local, district and regional competitions and actually placing! I began to speak to large crowds, to teach at a College etc etc. I actually became a public speaker and educator.
The fear never went away. I still feel it everytime I speak..but beside me I now know I have a valuable and supportive friend that sees me through... my willlingness to do it anyway. That is courage.
Change
Change, of course, in this line means putting effort and energy into making something different than what it is. We do not begin change until we are accepting of what is. That is always the first step. Next...we decide if change is necessary and within our control. How do we do that? We make sure it isn't ego we are listening to. Get quiet and still, go past the reactive mind to the Self. What are you being guided to do?
It is also good to begin by making small changes rather than big ones. Start small. If it a major transition you are being guided toward, break it into small mangeable steps and take one at a time.
As I have written, I have been feeling a little overwhelmed by situations in my life and sensing that major change was coming. I began preparing for this possible life transition by doing something very small. I cut my hair last evening and I painted some walls. These small changes offered a practice ...preparing me for the possibility of major change coming up. I will wait for guidance for that.
Things
I meant to make this a seperate point in the previous entry but failed to. So I will include it here.
'Things' are all the objects of matter and energy that make up the world of form. They include the material objects we surround ourselves with, money, jobs, situations and circumstances. They also include our relationships with people,our bodies, our thoughts, feelings, ideas and beliefs. Things are ever changing, bound by time and space, come and go, emerge and then dissolve etc etc.
It includes all the material world stuff we too often come to see as our only reality!
I can
Hmmm! When I look at these two words together I think of the famous line from, The Little Engine that Could: ..."I think I can, I think I can." How important it is to empower ourselves with a certain ability to effectively create change in our lives. On my way to the podium in my Toastmasters' years I would recite to myself, "I can do this! I can do this! I may be afraid...it may be painful...and the outcome may be far, far from perfect...but I can do this!"
I also think of Maharshi. Who is the "I" that can? I think this line speaks to the ego more than the Self but I believe we need to make this realization at the egoic level before we advance to the spiritual. Even though the physical world is not our reality, even though the ego "I" is not who we are ...we can play with form here. These clumps of flesh and these individual minds can manipulate our outer world to some degree. We have the power to clean up some of the mess on the surface so it is easier to get to the depth.
Summing up the second line
So what does this line say then?
We are asking our higher power to give us the willingness to step through fear so we can create a difference in the physical world, in those situations we have the ability to do so.
All is well
God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I can not change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Serenity Prayer
The First Line
This is not only a beautiful prayer for recovering addicts, but a prayer for all of us to live by. ( I firmly believe, in a sense, as long as ego is running the show in our lives...as it tends to be for most of us...we are all addicts.)
Let's look at the words a little closer ...(while we remember that words are just pointers to the true experience.)
We will just cover one line per entry. And the first line is:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Let's start with 'God'
In any twelve step program, as in this prayer, participants are encouraged to let go to a higher power. For most of them "God" will be that power but It doesn't have to be labelled as such . I was once told by an individual dealing with severe life threatening addiction, " I don't believe in God. That is why I can't do a twelve step program."
I responded with, "What is God?"
They didn't know how to answer but preceded to say, "I can't get into all that religion sh%$!''
I asked them to take a breath which they reluctantly did and I asked, "What does that breath do for you? What happens if it stops? And what allows it to happen?"
I just got an "I don't know. I would die, I guess."
Then I said , "Put your hand on your wrist or on you chest and feel your heart beating. What happens if that stops? It keeps your body alive right...it allows the part of you that you that says, "I don't believe in God", to be here? Are 'you' controlling it, making it happen or is it Something Greater betaing your heart...maybe it is a power higher and bigger than you or your mind or your addiction that controls that heartbeat?"
I just got a grumbled incoherent response before I ended the conversation with, "You don't have to call It God . You can call It whatever you like but It is still the same thing that allows all of us to breathe and that beats all our hearts no matter what we believe. It is a higher power."
Beyond the Naming
Many will say they do not believe in God but it is the naming they may actually have an issue with, not the higher power. Though I personally use the term God to explain that Something Greater that beats my heart...God is just a word. Even in the bible God does not call 'Himself' God. "I am that I am" So though we may pray using the word God...be mindful what we are praying to doesn't need a name. Names are just ways the mind conceptualizes and attempts to make concrete certain things. We really cannot reduce God/this Higher Power to a thing, can we?
So when we pray this prayer, we need to look beyond the name to what it is pointing to...that Great, Great Power that is breathed through us and that beats through us that goes far beyond the naming.
Grant me?
So here we are asking this higher power to gives us something we don't have...but who is 'me'? When we use the word 'me' we are encouraged to look at ourselves as seperate from God or this higher power. There is God up there in the heavenly distance and there is 'me' down here in the slums coping with addiction or whatever else we got going on.
To the yet -to -evolve- person this is perfectly okay. We haven't reached that level of awakening where we see the nonduality of everything. That's why we are praying right? We want to get there. As we awaken more and more, we will begin to see that this 'me' is no other than Self, an extension of God or this higher power. We realize that we do not have to seek the thing we believe we are lacking 'out there' but 'in here' where it always was. But for now while we are in the grips of our suffering and confusion, our ego identification, we can pray, "grant me"....
Serenity
I absolutely love this word. I actually named my little yoga studio "Serenity Yoga" before I discovered others have done the same. Now it is called "Mindful Serenity Yoga" . I just love the word serenity. I actually see in my mind's eye soft healing waves of lavender when I utter that word to myself.
What is serenity? Well according to Merriam -Webster, it is the quality of being serene. Hmmm. What is serene, according to the same source? I love this: utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude. Serene is to be calm, poised, queit and most of all unruffled by what is going on around us. Is this not the Ultimate Peace we all seek. Does it not point to Self realization and awakening beyond our reactivity to what is happening around us in the world of form?
Serenity is the Supreme Internal State of Being, is it not?
What we do not realize at this point of our prayer, is that serenity is already in us, has always been in us but we have allowed mind and choice to guide us outward for solutions rather than inward. For the addict, numbing activity or substance was, in a sense, the mind's way of trying to acheive serenity from the outside world. Of course, what is acheived is not serenity but more suffering. Layer after layer of veil is placed over our serenity with the unwise behaviours we choose.
Accept
This is probably the biggest and most important word in the whole prayer. Accept! All of us need to accept what is, to allow whatever is provided in each moment we are given to be as it is. When we deny the moment by numbing from it, resisting, struggling against, running away or using it to get to the next moment...we deny life. This moment is our life and whatever is in it...is in it.
"One day at a time" is the motto often used by recovering addicts. I am thinking it should be "One moment at a time" for all of us. Accept and allow this moment to be what it is, then the next and the next...but focus on this one.
The things I cannot change
We have so little control in Life over many things. Yet we go about trying to fix the outside world or others, protect ourselves from them , change them in some way so they fit some type of idea of how we think they should be. How much energy that takes!!!
Surrender comes in accepting that we do not have to change everything, in fact we can't change everything. Letting go and letting God or Life to call the shots is an extremely important step in healing whether we are addicts or not ( and remember, in some way, we are all addicted to some thing until we have released ego fom our lives).
So while we are just beginning to evolve and have yet to realize our true nature, we can pray to a higher power which may seem to be outside ourselves to give us the peace we need to accept the ever changing nature of life, most of which we cannot control.
All is well in my world.
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them-that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow forward in whatever way they like.
Lao Tzu
Too personal? Yeah I have been spilling out my guts here all over the page. Why? I would be lying if I said there was absolutely no ego involved in this process. Ego is definitely still around and it likes to vent and complain. ( Can you tell that I have yet to finish the 21 day complaint free challenge I started months ago? ). Ego is still intent on creating this 'little me' character that stars in this drama called "My Life". Sometimes, the character is a strong heroine, other times a pitiful tragic victim...but at least she is the star of the show, right? Well ego would say that is all important and on this journey to waking up, ego will still show up here on this page. Annoying!
There is, however, another much more compelling reason why I write it all out here. What I write about is the learning platform. All these circumstances, situations and people I encounter are teachers with lessons. I can meditate until I am blue in the face. I can read every spiritual text out there. I can cloister myself in some monastery somewhere but that is not the true practice, is it? Living in the real world is where most of the learning takes place.
And if I want to 'learn' to awaken, I must teach what I learn. If I teach what I learn, I learn more. The more I learn, the more I have to teach. That is how this works.
So as the lessons come to this little clump of flesh I call "me" I write them here so I can examine them, learn from them and then I can share that learning. Though it seems like 'seperate' process, that I am passing on learning from one clump to another...I am not, am I? Because we really are not seperated by these body lines, are we? There really is nothing 'personal' about 'my' life, then, is there? Though the circumstances and some of the finer details of it may 'appear' different around this 'me'...there is only One Life...and we are all just expressions of it. There is only One Mind and we all have individual tapping in tools we call 'my mind'. So though the circumstances I encounter may appear different than yours on the surface...at the deeper level...the learning is the same.
Though ego may still be hanging around, what brings me here every morning, even when 'little me' protests, is something much deeper than my ego. I have little to no idea what I am going to write about each time I sit here. I don't spend any time 'thinking' about it before my fingers begin to tap..it just comes out. Sure ego likes the drama and mind will sometimes spin it into the writing but in the end ...it is Self that is doing it all, not 'little me'. Hmmm!
I write to help relieve suffering in some small way, not just for this version of 'self' but for all who belong to Self which is all of us. I am not saying I am getting anywhere lol...I am just saying that is what pulls me here as my motivating purpose. As personal as it may all seem, this goes beyond my personal choice.
All is well.
The only thing we need to honor and give our full attention to is this moment.
Eckhart Tolle
Maybe you can relate to what I call the Four R's. Maybe you too are struggling with a particular living situation that is less than healthy and are finding yourself reacting with Resistance, Repulsion, Resentment and Running.
My first reaction when I perceive I am in an environment not conducive to my wellness is to resist by uttering these words in my head and believing them, "This shouldn't be! This is not right! This is not fair! I don't want this. I can't live like this! I never signed up for this!" I am literally tensed up in a little ball...thus the back pain, I suppose. What about you? Are you resisting something?
Then I slip into repulsion mode. I judge the situatuiion as unpleasnat but ego wants more drama and tells me it not just unpleasnat, it is "repulsive". It wants to make sure I do not accept it as the deeper I may insist I do. I begin to collect all the 'repulsive' things about the situation so I can justify why I am repelling it mentally.
Of course, the more things I collect on my "repulsive" list, the more resentment I have for those individuals who have seemed to drop this situation on my lap, or for life in general. I have a bad case of the resentment flu right now. Sound familiar?
Finally...I have this urge...this strong, strong urge to run away from this situation. I do not feel capable of changing it because I know I cannot change other people. I have tried to make changes in my environment related to this, set limits and boundaries but because I am dealing with a fair degree of 'unconsciousness' ...there is no apparent respect for those boundaries and the situation does not change. My ego mind keeps telling me all kinds of story like "I am not respected. Being taken advantage of. My needs will not be considered so my need and desire to heal at the deepest level will not be met in this environment etc etc. I and others may even be put at risk."
And it isn't because those involved are bad or uncaring...just unconscious to a certain degree and they are not ready or able to 'wake-up' enough to see how their behaviours and choices are impacting others. I see it! I try to communicate it in a gentle way. It doesn't get through!
So I say..."if I can't change the situation and it is literally making me 'sick', I should leave. Since I am not attached to much here other than people and animals...maybe I should just pack up and leave, go somewhere where I can gain my strength back. Let them have the physical structures of this environment so I can preserve the most important thing to me...peace of mind."
Though I haven't run away...I am contemplating it and finding a bit of relief just in that.
It is all Ego
We are in the midst of ego reactivity when we process through these 4 R's. It is very easy to get lost in them or confused by them. The important thing to remember is we do not have to. Being aware of the process is the first step to getting beyond ego reactivity to the solution for our present 'problematic" situation.
I don't know about you but I feel like an old injured Tom Cat. I just want a quiet solitary corner where I can lick my wounds. I want time and space to heal. Right now my corner doesn't appear to be respected y otherss. It is like people are oblivious to the cuts on my ear or the patches of fur missing on my back so they cannot understand my need for space. They see my corner as a space they can enter anytime without knocking. (Well that is how my dramatic ego puts it, :)) .
It seems like I am expected to come out of my corner when others need me to do things for them. And the call seems constant and never ending. It feels like I am even pulled out of that corner at times by the tail and I come out hissing and scratching. I am really not a scrapper so when I do hurt someone in my self preservation behaviours, I feel terrible...guilty and ashamed. I say, "OMG...I am trying to be evolved and here I am hurting others with my selfish needs... why can I not put ego aside and just accept this situation for what it is? Afterall...it isn't suppose to be about 'little me' at all is it?"
I am confused as to what all this means to the deeper Self. The thought keeps coming to me, "This isn't healthy for you or beneficial to your own recovery and because you are hissing and scratching a lot these days...it isn't good for others."
Beyond the Reaction
Hmmm! We know the 4 R's are an ego reaction. They aren't healthy but are they pointing to some higher wisdom? How will we ever know?
We need to slow self down and try to find that space Eckhart Tolle speaks of in the video below. The answer to, "Should I leave?" will come to us from there. For now...we do not have to pay much attention to the resistance...whatever is, is what it is; the repulsion collection-we can switch to gratitude collection instead; resentment- we can look for reasons to be compassionate with others as well as Self and finally we do not need to run away.- If we are being guided to leave a situation, it doesn't have to be a quick reactive running away. It can be a peaceful, wise, loving and slow departure.
All is well!
Eckhart Tolle (November 12, 2020) Dealing with Conflicting Thoughts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpBOcw5WQPg
Pleasure and pain are only aspects of the mind. Our essential nature is happiness, but we have forgotten the Self and imagine that the body or the mind is the Self.
Maharshi
Surface Reality
Back to the basis of this entire blog, of the nature of suffering and awakening. Our problem is not the fact that there are so many things out there that seem to bring pain nor is the solution finding those things out there that we erronously believe will bring pleasure to the body or the mind. The problem is we do not know who we are. We falsely identify with body and mind. We are stuck on the surface of our existence and see reality as that which is going on on that surface. We see ourselves as seperate little bodies that are vulnerable, needing protection from all other seperate bodies around us. We believe our minds that are constantly frantic with fearful thought after thought leading to emotion after emotion, behaviour after behaviour. We believe this to be who we are. And it isn't.
The Only Reality
What moves this surface entity that we call 'me' is something eternal, never changing and it exists below the surface we have come to believe is reality. It is a spacious, formless, never ending, thoughtless realm that animates and moves these little 'mes' we think we are. The Source of all exists at this deeper level, is this deeper level and it is where we belong...We know that even on the surface level by that constant feeling that something is missing, something is 'wrong'. Yet because we are so focused on our superficial lives as body and mind we seek to fill that emptiness with more superficial things. We do not go deeper to know Self.
As long as we do not know our essential nature we do not know that we are peace! We do not know that what we are looking for is not 'out there' but 'in here.' We won't find the peace we are looking for.
Self realization is the answer to all of our so called problems. In the deeper realm the mind does not make distinction of "This is pleasurable", "This is painful" . Things just are.
Hmmm!
All is well in my world.
All that is required of you is to give up the thought that you are this body and give up all thoughts of external things or the non-Self.
Maharshi
Hmm! I am approaching the end of Maharshi's book and I am overwhelmned with this question. "If our highest goal is to reach Self realization which is basically the dissolution of "little me" so we can see/Be the interconnectedness of everything, why should we even bother looking after 'little me', meeting its superficial needs or ensuring its survival?"
The body, which is a part of "little me" wants its basic needs met for survival...but if I am not my body, only in my body, and in fact 'limited' by my body...does it really matter if I feed it well, get sick, go to the doctor etc? Do I really need to keep it safe by strapping on my seat belt or locking my doors at night?
If I am not this ego personality that sees itself as seperate, does it really matter if I get those needs on Maslow's pyramid met: Love (special relationship kind) and belonging, Esteem or even Self actualization as it pertains to the little self?
Why would I look after 'me' if 'me' is just an illusion that gets in the way of realizing who I am?
As I watched the things that I once defined as a crucial part of 'me' get stripped away over the years I would soothe myself by saying..."That isn't me anyway"...I found myself getting less and less concerned about my own needs and more and more concerned about the needs of others. Certainly a psychologist would say that wasn't healthy but I reassured myself that the less I thought of 'me' ...the more the ego dissolved and the closer to realization I got.
Others needs became much more important than mine and I now am constantly seeking to serve. I often deny or push past my own physical symptoms to be there for others as much as I possibly can ( and for some it was never enough); I push aside the issues in my own 'little life' so I can be there for those of others. I sacrifice the needs of 'little me' for the needs of others. I tell myself ..."as long as someone out there is hurting so am I...because we are one."
But
If that is the case and I want to be truly selfless, I have to consider that if I am hurting and doing nothing about it...then I am prolonging the hurt in others.
If we are all truly One...by neglecting to look after little self are we not being selfish?
If I suffer others suffer. If I allow myself to get sick...others suffer? If I stay in this poverty situation ...others suffer? If I don't set boundaries and meet the needs of 'little me'...others suffer?
I have to think more about this one, lol.
All good!
Arthur Osborne(Ed) (2002) The Teachings of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi in His Own Words. Kindle Edition
Was a recipient of an unexpected act of kindness today. A very kind and busy vet squeezed my little dog in for assessment of what I thought was a dental emergency. She came into the house after her pee this morning scratching at her mouth, unable to eat and drink and when we looked at her teeth her gums looked inflamed. We thought there was some type of infection going on in her mouth, making her sick and thinking she might need an antibiotic we wanted her seen before the weekend. Most vets were too busy ...but one made time to see her .
On the way to the appointment she began to gag and we noticed she had a piece of stick stuck in her back teeth. We removed it but went to the appointment anyway...I felt so bad for squeezing in on a busy day especially when we were able to resolve the problem en route. But he was very kind. Did the assessment and on the way out said, "no charge". I was so grateful and renewd in my love for humanity.
One act of kindness should be paid forward. So I walked out to the horses in the field with a bag of apples and gave them all a treat.
All is well.
The Good News of November
November light, now soft and low,
casts shadows on my face.
I take a breath and look about
this sacred wooded place.
I listen to the rustling leaves and
this is what I hear:
"Close your eyes and go to sleep now
your death is coming near.
Allow the sweet intoxicating tiredness
to pull you into sleep,
beyond all thought and worry
to the wise silence of the deep .
Hush now child, stop your trembling,
push your fear aside.
Stop ressiting. There is no need now
to run, to numb, to hide.
Just feel the breath inside your chest
as it gently starts to slow
and rest your head, your weary mind,
just let the thinking go.
Surrender to the dreams that call
and then gently slip beyond
to the peaceful space that opens up
from darkness into dawn.
There the one eternal moment waits,
a timeless state of being,
for you to unite with the Source of everything
to begin your Life of seeing.
You must die before you die, my child,
but you can choose the way,
in this deep sleep of unconsciousness
or in the light of day.
When you get beyond this world
that exists only in your mind,
your eyes they will see clearly,
you will never again be blind.
All the suffering that you cling to
like oak leaves on the tree
will fall off into nothingess
and you will finally be free."
©Dale-Lyn November, 2020
Again...these verbal explosions on the page are not meant to be judged, right? I mean I cannot stop you from judging these poems or me for writing them but I do believe they have little to do with our judgements...they just are. If that makes any sense?
Ego Seeking to be Redeemed
There was some ego involvement here possibly. The pathological doer and the redeemer part of my ego came out after frustrating day yesterday with creative pursuits. The little children's story I wrote for my grandbaby...frustrated me to no end. I thought, as I was editing, 'This should be done by now. This should be better etc" So I faught with that for a good portion of yesterday and it still isn't done or "good enough!" ...only because I allowed mind to get in the way.
Then I went to my novel..and realized how much I have left to write and revamp on that and felt frustrated creatively. I walked away from my computer and my writing yesterday...frustrated because I didn't get anything done....and when I don't get a certian amount 'done', it will stay in my mind and weigh on me until I do. I begin to feel like I will never get it done, that I am not meant to be writing, that it is a waste of time, that I am not good enough 'anyway'.
It is so funny how that works and how quickly that type of mental reaction will take over. "Creativity stunting"...I call it. So though writing is not about "doing" anything but being open...when I am stunted in this way, I know ego is involved.
It was nice to pop out a poem from beginning to end this morning because it represents a finished project...no matter how awful it might be lol. That satisfies ego (even though I don't want to make this about ego) and it satisfies my creativity...the door is open.
This one came out after listening to this video for the 100th time:
Eckhart Tolle (July 3, 2020) Transcending Limitations to Awaken. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEk7SDBkiHg
This is not about dying in the physical sense but dying to awaken. You get that right?
All is well.
One minute I think its cute , the next I think it sounds terrible and want to tear it all to pieces...reminded of the quote above and which I shared before. So true though when it comes to writing...even if it is only a 500 word Children's story.
Back getting better but mind is interfering.
Will write more soon.
All is well.
In this modern world where activity is stressed almost to the point of mania, quietness as a childhood need is too often overlooked. Yet a child's need for quietness is the same today as it has always been—it may even be greater—for quietness is an essential part of all awareness. In quiet times and sleepy times a child can dwell in thoughts of his own, and in songs and stories of his own.
- Margaret Wise Brown https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/51869/16-quotes-about-writing-children
First draft of my children's story written. I think it's cute but maybe I am bias. It is done, regardless. I just need some illustrations. Man I wish I could draw...I can make stick people....how would that look? I will think of something.
Might spruce the text up and submit it out there , at the same I self publish a copy just for my grand daughter as a Christmas gift. Writing for children is so much fun. When my twins were babies, before my son was born, I took a Writing for Children course (well a series of courses) and now have a diploma somewhere. I mean I didn't need a diploma to write for my children . I wrote for all of them all the time...little songs, ditties, poems and I told them one continous saga every night at bed time, that they still remember fondly. But in my adjustment to life as a stay at home Mom, I decided to take a course and try my luck at publication. I got a few articles published, a poem or two but I got very busy when my son came and the submitting petered off. All good...it was never really about the publication, was it?
Not doing the meditating and sitting in stillness and mindfulness that I like to do in the morning. Will get back to it when the back allows me to do it.
All good...another amazingly bright and warm day out there. I will be dragging this body out into it, no matter how it may protest!
All is well!
Enjoy the little things for one day and you may look back and realize that they were the big things.
Robert Brault
It is absolutely beautiful in my part of the world today! Unusual for this time of the year. Strange knowing that some parts of the country are shovelling themselves out. So thankful for many things today...the weather, being able to walk outside in my yard, albeit slowly, and to throw the stick to my dogs, albeit awkwardly. Thankful for the wonderful relief I feel when the back muscles relax and lose their tense hold on my spine and on my mind. Thankful for a purchase I made on Amazon...for yarn and knitting needles...have some Christmas projects in mind. I also purchased some Christmas presents for my grand daughter. I am really going to try to 'do' Christmas ( what a terrible idea we have as human beings eh?...We 'do' Christmas instead of just 'being' at Christmas...anyway) better this year. I want to renove the commercialism from it as much as possible. Give to those who really need it and do something from the heart for those who have 'enough'. Hmmm! Anyway...thankful for that. I am also grateful for this children story I have in my head for my grand daughter. I just need an illustrator. My daughter is a wonderful artist...I would love her to be well enough to help me with this project, more for her own benefit, than anyone else's. Anyway...thankful for that. Thankful for just about everything in my life, right here, right now. It is all so good!
Sorry, short one! Cannot sit for long.
All is well.
Life is a tide, float on it.Go down with it, and go up with it, but be detached. Then it is not difficult.
Prem Rawat
Another Body Issue...Really?
This is so uncanny. It sounds even unbelievable to me as I write this, as I have been writing about body messages. My back went out again! I mean it is something that usually happens once or twice a year but I think it has been well over a year since it last went out ( thanks to my revamped yoga practice). It is not completely out...I can still weight bear and walk, albeit slowly. ...but it is definitely spasming...a sign that it is going.
It just seems so uncanny because I have been talking about all the things that go on in my body...and I know it sounds like too much to be true or at least too much to be anything but a hypochondriac's psuedo reality. But I can assure you, after careful consideration of the possibility, that I am not a hypochondriac. Not that there would be anything 'wrong' or 'bad' if I were.
Physical Reason
The physical world reason for the aggravation of a long time issue with unstable spine and its support, has probably alot to do with "stress' and a less frequent yoga practice creating muscle tension in back support muscles and a weakening of core muscles. The core muscles are essential to ensuring proper alignment of the spine, especially in someone with a back issue. These muscles are usually somehow weakend when we experience back pain leading to an overcompensation in other muscles. Also...we right now ...don't have a couch and are watching TV from the floor which is no big del... many, many people do the same all over the world. My body, like many western bodies,however, has become too conditioned to couches and the like. So the back is out!
Timely and No Big Deal
What is cool about my back going out now , is that it is timely, considering how I was wanting to write about how I am learning to think that the outer world circumstances I encounter...are no big deal. I am at the part of this journey when I can sincerely , for the most part, detach from these circumstances. It is like I am learning to look at them as "passing clouds" over a blue sky. I am spending less and less of my mental energy analyzing, narrating, talking about them or making story about 'me' around these circumstances.
Detached
I mean, I still have a big fat ego...sometimes it comes in and makes a mess of the way I respond to these circumstances but it is coming in less and less. And the time frame between its reactivity and my awareness of its reactivity is also getting shorter and shorter. So if a circumstance comes up, I am less likely to react to it in an ego way. If I do react, it doesn't take long before I realize I have been reacting. I am then better able to pull myself back and create distance between what is going on in my life and my experience of Life. So cool!
So as we contemplate the importance of experiencing Life through the body and the appearance of what seems to be "body noise"or some malfunctioning in the body...this ability comes in to play. I can see me listening to the back pain, aware of it, but at the same time that I am accepting of it, I am detached from it. The back pain has no effect on who I really am beyond the body. Mind doesn't have to come in and build story around it. There is no need, then, to add the second arrow of 'suffering' to any pain we may experience...or to any life circumstance that shows up.
So What?
So...the back going out isn't something I would have asked for...so what? So...it isn't pleasant...so what? So it seems to add more challenge in getting around, more challenge in my day to day experience...so what? So it will cause some limitation in my yoga practice and my teaching for now...so what? Like really, so what?
If our major objectives now as a human beings is to realize Self, a bit of physical pain and limitation can not deter us. ...If anything challenges like this will take us there faster.
So life throws these 'adverse' circumstances of varying degrees in our direction...one after the other...we no longer cry out, "Why me? This is so unfair. It shouldn't be!" . Instead, we can, like I find myself doing, curiously respond with , "Hmm! Isn't that interesting. I wonder why that showed up. I wonder what I am supposed to learn from this."
We know what ever it is we encounter as circumstance will not last for ever. Like all things it will come and it will go. We can do our best to patiently observe without becoming attached to it or its outcome.
When it leaves and we feel the joy of relief, we might find ourselves asking, "What will Life bring me next?"
I am not sure about you, but I am almost to the point, that I can't wait to find out.
How cool is that?
All is well!
Sacred Spaces
Behind the veils
that seem so thick and heavy,
beyond the flimsy
yet seemingly
unpenetrable barrier
that is blown back and forth
by the unpredictable
winds of life
are the sacred spaces
your being longs to rest in.
Like a hopeful child,
in a game of hide and seek,
you catch a glimpse of the light beyond
the moving and transient fabric
as it blows in
as it blows out,
as it comes,
and as it goes.
Something within you waits excitedly for the breeze
to provide a small opening crack,
just big enough so you can slide
into this mysterious hiding place.
It, this being taht you really are,
slips in so easily
and settles in the wondrous light
and airy spaciousness
of some secret holy grotto,
escaping the endless searching
taking place on the otherside.
In this perfect sacred space,
in this still, quiet nook
You don't need to crouch, hide,
or become small here;
or to holdyour breath in fear
that you will be captured
by the grasping hands
on the other side.
Your Being can stretch up tall and long.
It can breathe in all there is.
It can be free.
In these perfect sacred spaces,
Who you are
does not need to hide,
It simply is.
© Dale-Lyn, November 2020
Love takes off the mask we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word 'love' here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, a state of grace- not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth. -James Baldwin
It seems that although we thought ourselves permanent, we are not. Although we thought ourselves settled, we are not. Although we thought we would last forever, we will not.-The Buddha
From Listening to Jack Kornfield and Eckhart Tolle:
Be Here Now Network ( July 23, 2017) Jack Kornfield-Episode 6-1- Letting Go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKBu7wzqcyU
Eckhart Tolle (Sept, 2020) Calling in the Light of Consciousness, Part 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoHEPYYkZLo
We should use our mindfulness to remind ourselves that when we offer someone our practice of deep listening, we do it with the sole aim of helping them empty their heart and release their pain.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Sigh! I have been thinking again. That is never a good thing, is it? I actually woke up in the wee hours of the night with this question on my mind.
I have been thinking about being there for others and what that looks like from this new perspective, this new place of awakening. ( Notice how I wrote 'awakening', not 'awakened'. I am not saying, by any means, that I have finally left my ego caboose at the station. It is still very much attached to me, slowing me down and pulling me back. Just want to make that clear.)
So how are we to be there for the suffering of others?
I have often wrote, after studying so many of those teachers who are actually cabooseless...that we need to be there for others as our True presence, as awareness, as Self and not as ego...right? Ego has a tendency to get in the way of healthy communication, leading to heightened emotions, reactions, conflict, increased and complicated suffering.
Remember what suffering is
So we want the person who is suffering to empty their heart and release pain. Remember that pain is different than suffering. When pain is released there is no suffering. When suffering is present, we can be assured that ego is present in the person's experience, clinging to pain for its own purposes.
We need to recognize that the 'suffering' the other experiences, suffering in general, is usually an ego generated thing. When we are dealing with someone else's suffering, we are dealing with someone else's ego at its worse, what Eckhart Tolle would refer to as the 'pain body'. If we are dealing with a very inflamed, negative and reactive ego in another...the last thing we want to be there as, is our own ego, right? Ego communicating with ego is not a helpful thing!
Staying Open; Deep Listening
I have been learning and practicing and actually feeling quite successful with my ability to be able, in my own belief anyway, to stay open when I encounter the suffering of others. What that means to me is that I am more and more able to get beyond my own ego, so there is little to no individual reactivity on my part. I am more often than not still, calm, peaceful, and silent. I no longer have a need to express in detail my opinion of what is going on, to respond to every verbal expression with a verbal response of my own. I can sit silently with someone for hours. It really isn't about 'little me' at all at those times.
Don't get me wrong...I have and still do goof up royally during this practice. Ego still comes in from time to time and I end up reacting, correcting, giving advice when it is not called for, maybe even judging. But this is happening less and less as I become more and more able to stay present.
I try to open up the floor to the person. I do not lead the conversation, try to control it or direct it. I give it all to the person. If they want to express something ...I listen . I may interject with a "I hear you. I know you are suffering and I am here for you." If they ask or appear to be asking for my advice or my opinion...I will very hesitantly and reluctantly offer it with a, "Are you sure you want me to give you my opinion?" If they say yes, I will give it honestly. What I give will likely reflect my new way of seeing things and not theirs...I may gently and sometimes not so gently counter their perception of things...which is not often received well.
Therapeutic Communication, No More
I have studied therapeutic communication technique in great deal. I have even taught Communication classes for 14 years. I, therefore, used to go into these situations thinking I was the expert communicator...guiding, directing the process...drawing out the suffering of the other, empathizing, soothing, focusing on the suffering and validating it. Suffering seemed so real then, like a big inflamed boil that needed to be lanced by my skill and effort. It seemed all important to focus on that suffering, to make it even more real for myself and the other person.
I didn't see the 'ego' in that suffering then. Now I do. I also see it in my old approach to dealing with the suffering of another. It was ego that made me into this 'idea' of an an expert communicator who thought she could help everyone through her intellect and skill. When truth is... 'little me-ness' has no place in true compassion at all!
Beyond ego, Beyond suffering
I don't go into these situations like that anymore because I can actually see beyond the suffering. I know it is very, very real to the person. But it isn't real to me. The person may see themself as the suffering. I see the idea of suffering, the cause of it and the solution for it so clearly. I also see them beyond the suffering.
Though I still feel their pain, and I feel what I believe is honest and true compassion for the other's 'sense of suffering', I don't get lost in it anymore. I don't react to it even when that suffering turns into anger or blame. I am there, I am listening from a calm, open and peaceful state. That is, as long as my ego doesn't step in between us. (And it still does from time to time...making me defensive or into an 'I know better' kind of communicator) .
I do not believe there is room for ego here. I really don't. True compassion and Love is egoless. That is what I want to offer the other person...not my silly little ego self that thinks it knows all...but this wise open Self, that belongs to all of us.
But?
Did you sense a 'but' there? All the other who is suffering now sees when I am there...is a"heartless, cold, distant, mechanical being".
When ego is inflammed as it is in suffering...it is ego that wants to be validated through the suffering. I validate pain and I validate the being beyond the ego but I don't validate ego and therefore I don't validate 'suffering' anymore. I am no longer reacting to it with, "I can't believe this happening to you. I can't beleive life is so unfair. I would feel the same way you are feeling if that was happening to me. Poor you...poor me because of poor you.' etc There is none of that and that is what ego is craving.
One individual tells me they want me to be more kind, demonstratively loving, soothing in the chronic, constant and long standing expression of their 'suffering'....that they sense I don't care and I am not there. They will say things like, "Why aren't you crying when I cry? Why aren't you more worried about me?" I try to assure them that I care more deeply and in a way so much healthier than I have ever cared. I tell them what I am giving them is what I believe they truly need of me...that if I reacted it wouldn't do any of us any good. I also still worry...when I am not in the moment with this person. My ego comes back when my need to be fully present somehow relaxes...and it comes back in the form of worry. But worry, as would any ego -for -ego reactivity, is not going to be beneficial here...it is another one of ego's attempts to prevent the real healing from taking place in both of us.
Healing is the Goal
I want healing for others who are suffering. And healing will only take place when ego is diminished. So I don't give others my ego when I listen, even though their ego wants it. I give Self...in hope that they will find that Self and therefore the Ultimate healing within.
Right now some think I am a terrible cold person, leaving them all alone with their suffering. I assure them sthey are never alone. I am and always will be here in the only way I can be here now and hope someday they will see what I see.
All is well.
