When Things Go "Wrong"

You don't do Life.  Life does you.
- Me...from all I learned so far :)

The Questions

"Why did this have to happen?" " Why do things like this always seem to happen to me?" " Why me?"

Have you ever asked yourself these questions?  I do all the time...and yesterday afternoon, I was asking them with a great intensity.

When Things Go "wrong"

My yoga studio flooded because of a plumbing malfunction.  Something seemed to go tragically "wrong". And as I stood there ankle deep in water looking about my beautiful little studio I looked up and asked, almost expecting an answer. "Why??"

Something, "some One"  has to explain why my circumstances are so freaking crazy, don't they? Isn't a basement flood,  after everything one had, in terms of finances,  was put into the renovation of it( and when one doesn't have insurance),  enough to rattle anyone? And this, on top of everything else that I got "slapped around" with over the last few years, the last few months??? Come on!!! Really?

The studio was my  hope, my reprieve, my way to pull myself back up...my way to get myself healthy and to serve others as it gave me an opportunity, once again, to teach in some capacity. Sigh!

It takes a lot to break me...it does.  But as I stood there looking around at the mess, it was like my hope was being sucked up into the shop vacs with the water, being dried up with all the industrial fans that were blowing my dreams away. I felt so  very broken.

 I felt so "punished"too without knowing what I did that was so terrible to deserve one slap across the face after the other.  That is why I cried out "why?" If this is karma, what have I done in this life or another to deserve such retaliation?

Choosing where the mind will go

My mind went there, it did...and for a moment I was broken.  My thoughts were numerous  and very negative.  My thinking was irrational. My heart was so, so heavy. I was snappy and sharp with the people I love.  I was not healthy.  I was allowing mind to carry me away into a reaction that did not serve me or others, even if it was deemed a normal reaction to such a stressor. I watched myself choosing this reaction.

Then, as I was fruitlessly wringing  towel after towel into a bucket, I decided to choose differently. I decided to perceive it all differently.  I decided to respond with peace rather than what was considered "normal" .  I took a deep breath and went back to my learning.

Going Back to the Learning

"It is just a room! And what I thought it could bring me was just a concept, an idea. I was too attached to outcome.  It can not make me, it cannot break me.   What a wonderful learning opportunity Life has presented me, at the same time I have been teaching and writing about the need to "let go", to turn the other cheek to Life, to accept and allow rather than resist.  I won't break under the pressure of resisting what is happening.  It is happening. I accept it, I allow it to happen. "

As soon as I said that, I felt this tremendous relief....the kind of relief that comes from letting go.  The heaviness fell off me as I continued to do what needed to be done to rectify the situation and prevent further damage.  My thinking was clearer.  My actions were smoother.  I was much, much easier on the people around me who were helping.  Rather than looking for someone or something to blame, I was appreciating how everyone was coming together.  I literally found myself smiling and cracking jokes at some point.

 I also had to accept how the crisis physically drained me.  My body was exhausted!! Later that evening my mind responded to the exhausted body with a certain foggy heaviness that can be a bit of a downer for me and the others around me. I allowed that too.

Detaching from Outcome

The "outcome" is yet to be determined.  I am not yet sure about the extent of damage.  My carpenter will let me know later today.  I do know that it is out of my control.  Whatever will be will be.

It is almost like I am perched on some ledge looking into my little life from a distance and waiting to see what will happen next.  "What will Life  do through  me next, I wonder?"   I am detached from outcome.

So I literally can wait peacefully for that news and I know I will accept whatever news I get.  It will not break me; it will not make me. Of that I am certain.

All is well.