Not in the Doing

Life is not in the doing, it is in the being.
-Eckhart Tolle

"What do I do? What do I do?",  we often ask when we feel frightened, anxious, unsettled or even just bored.  We have this compulsion to "do something" to change the situation, to fix the circumstances, to manipulate the event outside of us so we can change the way we feel inside.  We are so determined to do something.  Doing something seems to be the only possible  solution at least at  the time of question. 

I often have that question posed to me by a loved one who is suffering. As soon as she begins to feel anxious, unsettled she begins to ask that question in a very desperate way. She wants me to tell her what to do.  I, unfortunately, do not give her what she feels she needs.  I usually respond automatically and sincerely with, "Nothing...you do not have to do anything.  Just be with it." 

Let me tell ya that seldom goes over very well. In fact, she often sees that response as cold indifference from someone who doesn't understand.  She accuses me of being uncaring and hiding behind a Buddhist front. (Why does everyone automatically assume one is a Buddhist if they say things like that, lol?)  I do not defend or argue with her. I can only sigh at those times and nod my head.

Her fixed belief that doing is necessary leads her to make choices that are often far from healthy.  Sitting and just  being with her emotional experience is not something she will even consider. She feels that her moment  has to be fixed and ended right away in any way it can be!!!

I cannot explain to her what many, many teachers including Tolle teach about spacious presence, about  learning to bring a different consciousness to the moment rather than doing it away. I cannot explain to her about the importance of just accepting where you are right now,  how the end of fear will never be found out there in numbing activity but in the silence and stillness of being.  I can't explain to her that there is no running from fear and sadness...they are temporary life experiences that every human faces and that the more we run from these things the more taken over by doing and suffering we become. no ...she resists those suggestions and once again will ask, "What do I do?"

Hmmm!  I just sigh, nod my head and say, "I don't know.  What do you think you need to do?" That usually doesn't go over very well either.

All is well.


Eckhart Tolle 2019 Ego: The Mountain and the Valley. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NbmbX5YV-8