Earnest Hemingway (Brainy Quote)
Broken Pieces
Sigh! I am looking down at a little yoga figure a friend had given me months ago. He fell off the window and broke into pieces. I look at him and see the brokenness of me somehow. All I thought I was is now a bunch of pieces that don't seem to fit together anymore.
I am going to glue him back together but I wonder if I want to do the same with this idea I had of "me". I definitely don't want it back the way it was. It was, I know now, built on a foundation of shame and fear, false hood and a need for the good opinion of others. It was built on the need to block, defend and hide from the trauma of my past. It is time to let go of all that.
Without that glue maybe nothing really belongs together anyway. I may no longer be presentable to others but maybe I will be a hell of a lot more peaceful than I was trying to hold those broken pieces together.
The Exercise
Last year at this time I wrote about an exercise I did to help me make sense of this "broken pieces" experience. I compartmentalized the pieces of me into concept map, pointing each piece out and extending beyond the center of who I am which was covered over by this "sense of limited holistic wellness"; this perception of being caught and stuck under the rubble of life circumstance.
It was a very healing activity, to take the pieces of me and to visually create space between them and the center of who I am. It showed me just how much space there can be. These pieces...these life circumstances, are not who I am so therefore they do not need to bury me, cover me or keep me stuck. I can still breathe! From there I can heal the bruises in my heart and in my mind.
I redid the map so it is a little neater and easier to read. Each has a section title : "Parenting", "Health Experience", and "Writing" etc (there are eleven pieces) . I focused mostly on how these things are limiting my sense of wellness. It is easy to see and understand why I feel a little "stressed and burn out" as I look down at this map. There is a lot.
There is so much we have control over in Life and so much we don't. Knowing the difference is crucial to our well being. I know can fix this little yoga dude. I can also look down at this map and see what I can change but most importantly, I see where I need to let go. It is in the letting go that I will find the peace I long for, the peace/piece that makes me whole.
Life simply is what it is and that is okay.
Beneath all this rubble, broken pieces and circumstance it surrounds "me" with," I "am still breathing. I still am! I am!
Hmmm! There is something very comforting in knowing that.
All is well
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