I think having land and not ruining it is the most beautiful art that anyone could ever want to own.
-Andy Warhol
Saturday, June 30, 2018
Friday, June 29, 2018
Naming is Not Learning
Use all the little names and symbols which delineate the world of darkness. Yet accept them not as your reality.
-ACIM, W-184:11:1-2
Is naming learning?
We name every thing and when we name it we assume we know it; we assume we are learning. We name objects we share. We name concepts and thoughts. We name the world around us and we name ourselves and each other. Everything we name we separate and surround it with space from other things. We draw a circle in the sand around it, isolating it, and we point at it saying, "I know that!" "I leaned that!" 'That's a cup!' "That's a tree!" "That's a mathematical theory!" "That is Sally Sue!"
It is hard to teach the mind a thousand alien names, and thousands more. Yet you believe this is what learning means; its one essential goal by which communication is achieved, and concepts can be meaningfully shared. (ACIM,w-184: 5: 2-3) We communicate separation and distinction but are we learning? Yes we can share ideas and images of things in this way but do we really know them, do we truly know ourselves? Is the ultimate learning knowing who we are and why we are here?
By giving something a name we create an idea of reality that isn't real. We seldom look beneath the name once it is placed on someone or something. They/it becomes that name. When they/it are a name they are attributed to a thought form, a mental picture or an idea. The essence of what it is gets covered by that name. We do not see it for what it really is when we assume we know it just because we named it. We are doing the opposite of knowing when we do that, are we not?
There is no meaning in naming.
Learning that stops with what the world can teach stops short of meaning. (ACIM W-184:7:4) Naming something that has no meaning is not learning...it is simply creating confusion and illusion. That which is real cannot be named. Or if it is named...that name has no meaning. There is One Thing that means everything yet that One Thing has no name, therefore everything has One Name. Confused yet? lol. I am.
Knowing God?
"God" is everything. Yet God is a name used by a select few to describe that Everything. According to tradition "God" may have different names and regardless of what that name is, It is a name when God is so much more. Even the Bible has many different names for "God". Yet God describes the namelessness in Exodus 3:14-15. God says to Moses, "I am Who I am"...basically saying...I have no name, I don't need one because I am is Everything.
When we use that term, "God" we connect This Everything automatically with an idea, a mental picture and assume we know God in whatever form we were conditioned to believe we know. How can we know God when we know so little...when we are lost in a world of names and separation? We know a name, an idea, and have a mental picture as vague as it may be but we do not know God!
Learning and Communicating in the world of form
So yes we need to use symbols : words and names while we are here. That is how our world operates but the trick is to not be deceived by them. To know that which we look at is so much more than a name. We have no true knowledge of the thing we point to and label. We just made it in to a thought form. True knowledge is not thought form, it is experience.
The only learning; the Only Name
The only thing we really need to learn here is what God is. Our learning objective here is to know God (and I use that term as I was conditioned to) . "Be still and Know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10). The only name we have to know in whatever form we utter it in...is that One Name, That Name that has no name and that is Everything.
Until we get that we can use names but we must recognize that they are only a means of navigating through this world of darkness ( a world without true knowing of That which is Everything). Names do not make Life real.
ACIM
https://www.allaboutgod.com/names-of-god.htm
-ACIM, W-184:11:1-2
Is naming learning?
We name every thing and when we name it we assume we know it; we assume we are learning. We name objects we share. We name concepts and thoughts. We name the world around us and we name ourselves and each other. Everything we name we separate and surround it with space from other things. We draw a circle in the sand around it, isolating it, and we point at it saying, "I know that!" "I leaned that!" 'That's a cup!' "That's a tree!" "That's a mathematical theory!" "That is Sally Sue!"
It is hard to teach the mind a thousand alien names, and thousands more. Yet you believe this is what learning means; its one essential goal by which communication is achieved, and concepts can be meaningfully shared. (ACIM,w-184: 5: 2-3) We communicate separation and distinction but are we learning? Yes we can share ideas and images of things in this way but do we really know them, do we truly know ourselves? Is the ultimate learning knowing who we are and why we are here?
By giving something a name we create an idea of reality that isn't real. We seldom look beneath the name once it is placed on someone or something. They/it becomes that name. When they/it are a name they are attributed to a thought form, a mental picture or an idea. The essence of what it is gets covered by that name. We do not see it for what it really is when we assume we know it just because we named it. We are doing the opposite of knowing when we do that, are we not?
There is no meaning in naming.
Learning that stops with what the world can teach stops short of meaning. (ACIM W-184:7:4) Naming something that has no meaning is not learning...it is simply creating confusion and illusion. That which is real cannot be named. Or if it is named...that name has no meaning. There is One Thing that means everything yet that One Thing has no name, therefore everything has One Name. Confused yet? lol. I am.
Knowing God?
"God" is everything. Yet God is a name used by a select few to describe that Everything. According to tradition "God" may have different names and regardless of what that name is, It is a name when God is so much more. Even the Bible has many different names for "God". Yet God describes the namelessness in Exodus 3:14-15. God says to Moses, "I am Who I am"...basically saying...I have no name, I don't need one because I am is Everything.
When we use that term, "God" we connect This Everything automatically with an idea, a mental picture and assume we know God in whatever form we were conditioned to believe we know. How can we know God when we know so little...when we are lost in a world of names and separation? We know a name, an idea, and have a mental picture as vague as it may be but we do not know God!
Learning and Communicating in the world of form
So yes we need to use symbols : words and names while we are here. That is how our world operates but the trick is to not be deceived by them. To know that which we look at is so much more than a name. We have no true knowledge of the thing we point to and label. We just made it in to a thought form. True knowledge is not thought form, it is experience.
The only learning; the Only Name
The only thing we really need to learn here is what God is. Our learning objective here is to know God (and I use that term as I was conditioned to) . "Be still and Know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10). The only name we have to know in whatever form we utter it in...is that One Name, That Name that has no name and that is Everything.
Until we get that we can use names but we must recognize that they are only a means of navigating through this world of darkness ( a world without true knowing of That which is Everything). Names do not make Life real.
ACIM
https://www.allaboutgod.com/names-of-god.htm
Thursday, June 28, 2018
God's Handwriting
Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/beautiful)
-Ralph Waldo Emerson (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/beautiful)
f/8; 1/100; ISO-100; 56 mm
It is because of those words above that I feel drawn to photography. I want to capture and translate God's handwriting.
Of course, in this above photo I broke every rule there is about photography lol. I shot a landscape in portrait frame; my horizon is in the top third of the frame rather than the bottom third; my ISO should have been higher because it was so cloudy out and I shot it going 90-100 Klicks an hour lol. Still I see God's penmanship in this photo...so I like it. (Ego wants me to point out that I even got some cool diagonal zigzagging lines taking the eyes across and up the frame and that should excuse the high horizon line. lol)
I may have done an okay job with the photography (have about 100 acceptable shots) but God's pen did a wonderful job putting cursive on the Island. The landscape and its contrasting colours is absolutely breathtaking.
Anyway, all is well.
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
The Heroe's Journey Home
Your sacred space is where you find yourself again and again.
-Joseph Campbell
Monomyth?
I am fascinated with the wisdom of Joseph Campbell. I have been watching him on Netflix, in a series of interviews with Bill Moyers, Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth. It is amazing to watch this wise "legend" speak and share what he has learned from studying mythology all over the world. It doesn't matter if the myth is based on Hinduism or Catholicism ...it all connects somehow. All myth shows the hero's ( you and I) journey home. It emphasizes the mystical beneath the practical, the invisible support system beneath the visible. It takes us "home" to who we really are.
Going Home?
I open up to ACIM today and the first line I read in Lesson 182 is , "This world you seem to live in is not home to you." In all myth, is that not the hero's primary quest? To find home or return home after a great adventure in some strange and foreign land? In all religion, is the primary quest for us to return to a place where we find our Self be it heaven, or Nirvana. This place is sacred...our search is sacred. Is it not?
Where is home?
Where is home? What is home? Where is the hero going and what is he seeking? Ultimately what the hero longs for is inner awareness, enlightenment and peace. He struggles in the "darkest and most inner cave" to find "atonement" and this awareness so he can bring it back to others. Campbell often refers to the story of the Buddha and the ancient Yogic teachings to explain this. The hero's journey, though written in metaphor a world lost in physicality can understand, is an inner one. The battling and struggling to overcome obstacles occurs in the "the cave". That cave is the mind. It is in the mind the hero goes, it is the mind the hero learns to over come and it is this mental control the hero brings back to others .
"All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells are within you." Joseph Campbell. That in many western religions would be considered blasphemous? Why? Because we over identify and get stuck on the"metaphor"...the words, the visual images, the "idea" that religious mythology is using as a pointer to experiencing the journey of life.
How Do We Get There?
So really, how do we undertake the hero's journey? We first must be willing to set our own path...be willing listen to the Voice within, to what lies beyond the visible veil we have over identified with. We seek to get past our ego and "mental modifications". We become still and find the Heaven within.
When you are still an instant, when the world recedes from you, when valueless ideas cease to have value in your restless mind, then will you hear His Voice.
-ACIM,W-182: 8:1
Then we experience life in a way that can not be understood or explained with words or images. Once we experience that, we bring it back to others. Basically Joseph Campbell's explanation of myth echoes the teachings of a ACIM.
Wow! There is so much whirling around in my head right now, I cannot adequately put it down. so I will end here.
All is well in my world.
-Joseph Campbell
Monomyth?
I am fascinated with the wisdom of Joseph Campbell. I have been watching him on Netflix, in a series of interviews with Bill Moyers, Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth. It is amazing to watch this wise "legend" speak and share what he has learned from studying mythology all over the world. It doesn't matter if the myth is based on Hinduism or Catholicism ...it all connects somehow. All myth shows the hero's ( you and I) journey home. It emphasizes the mystical beneath the practical, the invisible support system beneath the visible. It takes us "home" to who we really are.
Going Home?
I open up to ACIM today and the first line I read in Lesson 182 is , "This world you seem to live in is not home to you." In all myth, is that not the hero's primary quest? To find home or return home after a great adventure in some strange and foreign land? In all religion, is the primary quest for us to return to a place where we find our Self be it heaven, or Nirvana. This place is sacred...our search is sacred. Is it not?
Where is home?
Where is home? What is home? Where is the hero going and what is he seeking? Ultimately what the hero longs for is inner awareness, enlightenment and peace. He struggles in the "darkest and most inner cave" to find "atonement" and this awareness so he can bring it back to others. Campbell often refers to the story of the Buddha and the ancient Yogic teachings to explain this. The hero's journey, though written in metaphor a world lost in physicality can understand, is an inner one. The battling and struggling to overcome obstacles occurs in the "the cave". That cave is the mind. It is in the mind the hero goes, it is the mind the hero learns to over come and it is this mental control the hero brings back to others .
"All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells are within you." Joseph Campbell. That in many western religions would be considered blasphemous? Why? Because we over identify and get stuck on the"metaphor"...the words, the visual images, the "idea" that religious mythology is using as a pointer to experiencing the journey of life.
How Do We Get There?
So really, how do we undertake the hero's journey? We first must be willing to set our own path...be willing listen to the Voice within, to what lies beyond the visible veil we have over identified with. We seek to get past our ego and "mental modifications". We become still and find the Heaven within.
When you are still an instant, when the world recedes from you, when valueless ideas cease to have value in your restless mind, then will you hear His Voice.
-ACIM,W-182: 8:1
Then we experience life in a way that can not be understood or explained with words or images. Once we experience that, we bring it back to others. Basically Joseph Campbell's explanation of myth echoes the teachings of a ACIM.
Wow! There is so much whirling around in my head right now, I cannot adequately put it down. so I will end here.
All is well in my world.
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
Lessons from a Fox
The fox changes his fur but not his habits.
-anonymous
I beg to differ with this quote.
Where we stayed on our night away...there was a fox. She came out of nowhere by herself , all shabby and unkempt, going against her natural inclination to flee and hide...looking for something from us. It was a desperate act. We had ice-cream cones...and I would not recommend feeding any wild animal ice cream or any junk food...but it is what we had and she looked hungry. It was obvious by how close she got that she was somehow humanized and would not be chasing down any small rabbits to feed the fam' that night. She was living off the crap people fed her.
So we gave her a piece and she just sat there and silently called out to the bush. That is when the first kit came and we watched as it picked up the ice-cream and walked away. Though she looked like she was in desperate need for food...she was only looking for her kids sake. She did what she could to find food for her kits, even if it was uncomfortable for her. She sacrificed self for litter.
When we saw the three other kits later on, my heart broke. D. and I rushed off to the grocery store to buy fresh meat ( the closest thing to her natural diet we could think to get for her). We laid it out, in hope she would find it. It was gone in the morning so, as meager as the offering was, hopefully she and her children got at least one good feed of protein. We also discovered that she lived under the deck of a nearby cabin. She is living in man's world, dependent on man in all his unpredictable and unconscious behaviours to provide for her and her family.
I somehow connected with this fox, seen myself in her some how. Not that I deserve any rewards for martyrdom as she seemed too. I just have been in a situation where I too was left to care for my four children when I was perceiving illness and dependent on the unconscious behaviours of man...I too had to step out of my comfort zone and "beg" for support. Where as she got the support, I never did. And maybe...that was for the best. Without that support I found myself striving to do what felt natural for me. ...I found myself on my way back to where I belong. As long as the fox gets fed and supported with unhealthy means...she will not find her way back to living off nature the way she was meant to.
I don't know but once again ego had to have a say, didn't it? I had to make this fox scenario about me somehow lol. Well, it is all about "I" if not "me" ...we are all connected, are we not? Whether we have fur or skin; living under a cabin or in a bungalow, hungry or well fed; or dependent on the kindness of others or in a position where we can help...we are all connected. Hmmm!
This fox did what she could, despite her conditioning, to provide for her family. She changed her habits. It was a selfless maternal act, something to learn from. We can all change our habits and natural instincts for something greater...to serve each other.
So much to learn.
-anonymous
I beg to differ with this quote.
Where we stayed on our night away...there was a fox. She came out of nowhere by herself , all shabby and unkempt, going against her natural inclination to flee and hide...looking for something from us. It was a desperate act. We had ice-cream cones...and I would not recommend feeding any wild animal ice cream or any junk food...but it is what we had and she looked hungry. It was obvious by how close she got that she was somehow humanized and would not be chasing down any small rabbits to feed the fam' that night. She was living off the crap people fed her.
So we gave her a piece and she just sat there and silently called out to the bush. That is when the first kit came and we watched as it picked up the ice-cream and walked away. Though she looked like she was in desperate need for food...she was only looking for her kids sake. She did what she could to find food for her kits, even if it was uncomfortable for her. She sacrificed self for litter.
When we saw the three other kits later on, my heart broke. D. and I rushed off to the grocery store to buy fresh meat ( the closest thing to her natural diet we could think to get for her). We laid it out, in hope she would find it. It was gone in the morning so, as meager as the offering was, hopefully she and her children got at least one good feed of protein. We also discovered that she lived under the deck of a nearby cabin. She is living in man's world, dependent on man in all his unpredictable and unconscious behaviours to provide for her and her family.
I somehow connected with this fox, seen myself in her some how. Not that I deserve any rewards for martyrdom as she seemed too. I just have been in a situation where I too was left to care for my four children when I was perceiving illness and dependent on the unconscious behaviours of man...I too had to step out of my comfort zone and "beg" for support. Where as she got the support, I never did. And maybe...that was for the best. Without that support I found myself striving to do what felt natural for me. ...I found myself on my way back to where I belong. As long as the fox gets fed and supported with unhealthy means...she will not find her way back to living off nature the way she was meant to.
I don't know but once again ego had to have a say, didn't it? I had to make this fox scenario about me somehow lol. Well, it is all about "I" if not "me" ...we are all connected, are we not? Whether we have fur or skin; living under a cabin or in a bungalow, hungry or well fed; or dependent on the kindness of others or in a position where we can help...we are all connected. Hmmm!
This fox did what she could, despite her conditioning, to provide for her family. She changed her habits. It was a selfless maternal act, something to learn from. We can all change our habits and natural instincts for something greater...to serve each other.
So much to learn.
All is well.
Friday, June 22, 2018
Where ignorance is bliss, Tis folly to be wise.
-Thomas Gray (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/ignorance_is_bliss)
So much to learn and I am loving it. I am loving not being the one that is suppose to know lol so I can just fill my empty mind with so much wonderful things. I am diving into my yoga course which involves a 50 essay question exam. So far the questions it is asking are mostly things I already studied and thought I knew about the meaning and history of yoga, some of the ancient Hindu texts and the Sutras of Patanjali...all that I have recently studied ( how convenient , eh?). Well I am approaching them like I don't know and researching and reading more about these things from the perspective of ignorance. What a wonderful, wonderful perspective that is and I am learning so much. I have only nine questions done and I already have 25 pages written lol. This set up for learning is absolutely perfect for me. I write to learn and I learn to write...so it is a perfect means for my educational experience. I am learning to approach yoga in a totally new and "giving" way. Which is quite serendipitous as the lesson in ACIM I open up to today is, Today I learn to give as I receive. (ACIM, Lesson174:158).
I am also studying photography which is another wonderful thing. I am not pushing ignorance there...I just am lol. My photos of the graduation proved that. I went in with a few crash lessons from the course on flash photography, my professional looking equipment and some residue of ego and wow! was I ever put in my place...lol I was reminded that I have a lot more learning to do...that excites me! To know I have so much learning to do is wonderful. I just want to have a blank slate to learn. :)
These two little challenges were perfect for my transition from a financially sufficient nursing instructor, mother of a once dependent child, and into the unknown silver /golden stage of my life ( menopause and awakening). It is all good! And I am almost feeling energetic enough to enthusiastically jump into the home renos to get this place ready to sell. Well almost...I get tired even thinking about it. Regardless, change is not necessarily a bad thing if you approach it from a perspective of ignorance...and being willing to learn. : )
All is well in my world!
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Echoes
All things are echoes of the Voice for God.
-ACIM Lesson 171 (151)
I close my eyes and I hear it. I hear Life outside my window creating the most beautiful music...sparrows, robins, the odd cacophony of a Blue Jay's horn, humming, wind through the lush braches of trees, traffic going by, dogs barking and I remind myself that it is all echoes of the Voice for God. Life is the Voice for God. It is beautiful, so compelling. I want to listen to that Voice. I want to heed Its instructions. I want to be a part of it. Nothing else seems to matter all that much.
All is well.
-ACIM Lesson 171 (151)
I close my eyes and I hear it. I hear Life outside my window creating the most beautiful music...sparrows, robins, the odd cacophony of a Blue Jay's horn, humming, wind through the lush braches of trees, traffic going by, dogs barking and I remind myself that it is all echoes of the Voice for God. Life is the Voice for God. It is beautiful, so compelling. I want to listen to that Voice. I want to heed Its instructions. I want to be a part of it. Nothing else seems to matter all that much.
All is well.
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Ego & Photography
I will speak for a second about another ego trip I took and learned from, not as a mother but as an amateur photographer. Ego got in the way and my daughter did not get the pics she wanted.
I do want to take great shots but I am a long way from that. I decided to use this prom pic thing as a practice for what I am learning in the course I am taking. I ran into some problems. I can't see...so I depend on Lightroom to help (I really cannot tell what kind of pic I got until I take them to Light room). All pics I shoot also have to be processed there because I shoot raw.
In raw you capture every colour under the rainbow, every crease, every snatch of light reflected off a heavily made up face to a shiny piece of fabric. There are a lot of made up faces in an assortment of brightly coloured and shiny fabric on prom day lol, not to mention background creating an overload of "noise." There is also too much top light and little to no top shade at 3-5 in the afternoon when most pics are taken. Prom has to be a true photographer's night mare.
It takes skill and experience to handle such a challenge and I realize after the fact that I just have not mastered the techniques of photography enough yet to handle such a situation. I should have shot in automatic and jpeg so she could just have some good snap shots. Instead I got arrogant and said to myself...I am going to get great professional looking images, not for her...for me.
Fail! She depended on me to capture the moments with her friends and I screwed up with ISO and f stop so extra processing was required. She hates processed pics. My arrogant ego attempt to take great shots meant she was left with shots she was not happy with. :(
Shamer is having a field day with that as well. My bad. Let's pretend this was her reaction with the pics lol:
I do want to take great shots but I am a long way from that. I decided to use this prom pic thing as a practice for what I am learning in the course I am taking. I ran into some problems. I can't see...so I depend on Lightroom to help (I really cannot tell what kind of pic I got until I take them to Light room). All pics I shoot also have to be processed there because I shoot raw.
In raw you capture every colour under the rainbow, every crease, every snatch of light reflected off a heavily made up face to a shiny piece of fabric. There are a lot of made up faces in an assortment of brightly coloured and shiny fabric on prom day lol, not to mention background creating an overload of "noise." There is also too much top light and little to no top shade at 3-5 in the afternoon when most pics are taken. Prom has to be a true photographer's night mare.
It takes skill and experience to handle such a challenge and I realize after the fact that I just have not mastered the techniques of photography enough yet to handle such a situation. I should have shot in automatic and jpeg so she could just have some good snap shots. Instead I got arrogant and said to myself...I am going to get great professional looking images, not for her...for me.
Fail! She depended on me to capture the moments with her friends and I screwed up with ISO and f stop so extra processing was required. She hates processed pics. My arrogant ego attempt to take great shots meant she was left with shots she was not happy with. :(
Shamer is having a field day with that as well. My bad. Let's pretend this was her reaction with the pics lol:
No spotlight for Maternal Ego
Bitter sweet, is how I would describe this experience I am having now, as my daughter graduates high school.
As I tramp around after her in her long prom gown snapping terrible shots (I will explain later)...pull out her pic to give people, put up her grad sign in my front yard and get ready for the Baccalaureate service today...I feel overwhelmed with this feeling. I am so proud, so very, very happy for her, so relieved I was able to support her this far and...and I feel so very sad. She is my youngest and it is hard to let her go...even though she is not "mine" and I never owned her to have the right to imply I get to let her go anyway lol...To release my ego hold on her is hard; to put aside any "idea" of my maternal right to her is challenging.
And ego absolutely loves it!!! Milestones in the life of children can cause a strange reaction in parents, mothers especially. This is what I call the maternal ego and it can be nasty and confusing, going back and forth between filling me up with a bunch of garbage about how well I did as a mother to how awful I am as one.
Maternal ego goes from a place of redemption..."Oh look at how well she turned out. That's because of you. Look how beautiful she is...your genes (okay...ego doesn't mind stretching things when it is on a roll lol). "
...to a place of shaming:" You were never like other moms, were you? You had different priorities. She had to live in this house that you let go...you should have done better there...sucked it up and got it done...always making excuses, weren't ya? Were you there for her enough? You were so wrapped up in what was happening around you, to you and to your body for so long...did you give her enough? Were you present enough? Did you teach her enough? Were you a good enough mother? A good enough mother would have sucked it up! Would never have mentioned she was not well and kept going....staid with her job no matter how bad she felt and kept the house clean and tidy for her anyway. Now what are you going to do about her future...how on earth are you going to help her get through university? "
Back to redeeming me..."Look how happy she is, how many friends she has, how the camera just loves her especially when she is laughing and smiling. That can't be faked. You taught her what was important. She is kind...you gave her that. She loves her family...you taught her that."
...and then back to shaming. Last night I awoke in a middle of some wicked hot flashes to, "She is embarrassed about her posture in those pics...maybe she has scoliosis and you missed it...now she is 18 and what can be done about it? See...you were not aware enough. You were not a good mother. she will suffer forever because of your neglect!"
Ego is so wicked lol. I know I am tired, still reeling from giving up things in my personal life besides her, confused, very menopausal, stressed and very, very ego prone. So I am like a prime target for shame especially. :) Regardless if it is Shamer or Redeemer filling my head...it doesn't matter. The thing is ...this is not about 'little me' is it? Not at all.
Why do we always see life events through the perspective of me even in the maternal role ?
When I step back and remind myself of that, I find my mental drama funny to watch. So very silly. Last night, in my head, I had her walking off the stage with her diploma right on to an orthopedic surgeon's table. How desperate was ego to create that nonsense? Don't get me wrong...I will get her spine checked and work on posturing but the rest is just senseless drama created by an ego, seeing an opening on the stage to jump in on. From there it wants the spotlight. Whether it be villain, damsel in distress or heroine...doesn't matter. As long as it has the light. :)
I won't let ego have the spotlight. It goes back on my girl...not "my" girl...but this beautiful young woman who is an amazing expression of Life longing for itself!
This poem helps:
With great love, I gladly am the bow.
All is well.
As I tramp around after her in her long prom gown snapping terrible shots (I will explain later)...pull out her pic to give people, put up her grad sign in my front yard and get ready for the Baccalaureate service today...I feel overwhelmed with this feeling. I am so proud, so very, very happy for her, so relieved I was able to support her this far and...and I feel so very sad. She is my youngest and it is hard to let her go...even though she is not "mine" and I never owned her to have the right to imply I get to let her go anyway lol...To release my ego hold on her is hard; to put aside any "idea" of my maternal right to her is challenging.
And ego absolutely loves it!!! Milestones in the life of children can cause a strange reaction in parents, mothers especially. This is what I call the maternal ego and it can be nasty and confusing, going back and forth between filling me up with a bunch of garbage about how well I did as a mother to how awful I am as one.
Maternal ego goes from a place of redemption..."Oh look at how well she turned out. That's because of you. Look how beautiful she is...your genes (okay...ego doesn't mind stretching things when it is on a roll lol). "
...to a place of shaming:" You were never like other moms, were you? You had different priorities. She had to live in this house that you let go...you should have done better there...sucked it up and got it done...always making excuses, weren't ya? Were you there for her enough? You were so wrapped up in what was happening around you, to you and to your body for so long...did you give her enough? Were you present enough? Did you teach her enough? Were you a good enough mother? A good enough mother would have sucked it up! Would never have mentioned she was not well and kept going....staid with her job no matter how bad she felt and kept the house clean and tidy for her anyway. Now what are you going to do about her future...how on earth are you going to help her get through university? "
Back to redeeming me..."Look how happy she is, how many friends she has, how the camera just loves her especially when she is laughing and smiling. That can't be faked. You taught her what was important. She is kind...you gave her that. She loves her family...you taught her that."
...and then back to shaming. Last night I awoke in a middle of some wicked hot flashes to, "She is embarrassed about her posture in those pics...maybe she has scoliosis and you missed it...now she is 18 and what can be done about it? See...you were not aware enough. You were not a good mother. she will suffer forever because of your neglect!"
Ego is so wicked lol. I know I am tired, still reeling from giving up things in my personal life besides her, confused, very menopausal, stressed and very, very ego prone. So I am like a prime target for shame especially. :) Regardless if it is Shamer or Redeemer filling my head...it doesn't matter. The thing is ...this is not about 'little me' is it? Not at all.
Why do we always see life events through the perspective of me even in the maternal role ?
When I step back and remind myself of that, I find my mental drama funny to watch. So very silly. Last night, in my head, I had her walking off the stage with her diploma right on to an orthopedic surgeon's table. How desperate was ego to create that nonsense? Don't get me wrong...I will get her spine checked and work on posturing but the rest is just senseless drama created by an ego, seeing an opening on the stage to jump in on. From there it wants the spotlight. Whether it be villain, damsel in distress or heroine...doesn't matter. As long as it has the light. :)
I won't let ego have the spotlight. It goes back on my girl...not "my" girl...but this beautiful young woman who is an amazing expression of Life longing for itself!
This poem helps:
Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For Life goes not backward or tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might so that the arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
for even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.
Khalil Gibran ( https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/children-2/ )With great love, I gladly am the bow.
All is well.
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Sound and Fury?
...full of sound and fury signifying nothing.
William Shakespeare: MacBeth; Act 5; Scene 5
I think of this quote for many reasons. As I awaken, I find myself looking out at the world as an audience member watching some drama unfold on stage. I see the senseless reactions, defenses, attacks in others and in myself and question ,"Is this life?"
Just as Macbeth describes it in his grief ridden soliloquy, we can look at ego's diminished version of life for what it is when we begin to awaken from it. "It is a tale told by an idiot." Told by the fool only after ego's little "me" has finished strutting and fretting about on stage. You do know that in most of Shakespeare's plays, the fool turns out to be the wisest character? :)
When we are lost in ego, it is like we are strutting about like actors playing a part and too often getting lost in the character. We worry and fret about a "tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow" that will never come. And then we die! It is all nothing more than a "story," full of so much senseless noise, anger, effort, stress, defense, attack, loss and fruitless doing. In our fight to gain or regain power, recognition, righteousness, and/or a victim status... all we get is an opportunity to stand in the spot light alone and recite some eloquent complaint. Ahhh but how dramatic and wonderful we are in the delivery of our soliloquy. :) Is it worth it? It really means nothing.
This depiction of life...is not Life. It is just ego drama. Life (with a capitol "L") is that which watches the play without any attachment to it what so ever... "life"(with a lower case "l") is a mental creation, a brief candle so easily blown out. What most of us are watching or starring in is just a play people...just a play.
The director and producer of the entire shebang is the Mind. As long as we know we are watching, we are awake but when we become so engrossed in the acting or the viewing that we forget we are merely watching...than we are indeed nothing more than a "walking shadow." Life becomes a melodrama.
When we begin to do as Macbeth did, stand back and see it for what it is, we are waking up. We begin to see that ego's version of life...death, loss and suffering are not real. In the true version of Life, there is no death, Death cannot come from life. .(ACIM-w-167:5:1) That flame is inextinguishable. What seems to die is but the mind asleep. (ACIM-w-167:6:7)
So the ego's version of life is full of sound and fury signifying nothing but the real version of Life is full of silence and stillness signifying everything.
All is well.
William Shakespeare: MacBeth; Act 5; Scene 5
I think of this quote for many reasons. As I awaken, I find myself looking out at the world as an audience member watching some drama unfold on stage. I see the senseless reactions, defenses, attacks in others and in myself and question ,"Is this life?"
Just as Macbeth describes it in his grief ridden soliloquy, we can look at ego's diminished version of life for what it is when we begin to awaken from it. "It is a tale told by an idiot." Told by the fool only after ego's little "me" has finished strutting and fretting about on stage. You do know that in most of Shakespeare's plays, the fool turns out to be the wisest character? :)
When we are lost in ego, it is like we are strutting about like actors playing a part and too often getting lost in the character. We worry and fret about a "tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow" that will never come. And then we die! It is all nothing more than a "story," full of so much senseless noise, anger, effort, stress, defense, attack, loss and fruitless doing. In our fight to gain or regain power, recognition, righteousness, and/or a victim status... all we get is an opportunity to stand in the spot light alone and recite some eloquent complaint. Ahhh but how dramatic and wonderful we are in the delivery of our soliloquy. :) Is it worth it? It really means nothing.
This depiction of life...is not Life. It is just ego drama. Life (with a capitol "L") is that which watches the play without any attachment to it what so ever... "life"(with a lower case "l") is a mental creation, a brief candle so easily blown out. What most of us are watching or starring in is just a play people...just a play.
The director and producer of the entire shebang is the Mind. As long as we know we are watching, we are awake but when we become so engrossed in the acting or the viewing that we forget we are merely watching...than we are indeed nothing more than a "walking shadow." Life becomes a melodrama.
When we begin to do as Macbeth did, stand back and see it for what it is, we are waking up. We begin to see that ego's version of life...death, loss and suffering are not real. In the true version of Life, there is no death, Death cannot come from life. .(ACIM-w-167:5:1) That flame is inextinguishable. What seems to die is but the mind asleep. (ACIM-w-167:6:7)
So the ego's version of life is full of sound and fury signifying nothing but the real version of Life is full of silence and stillness signifying everything.
All is well.
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Monday, June 11, 2018
Seeking what has not been lost.
There is a silence into which the world can not intrude. There is an ancient peace you carry in your heart and have not lost.
ACIM W-164:4:1-2
Isn't that absolutely comforting and reassuring? Those words resonate in me because that is what I seek.
Seeking?
Hmmm! I am getting lost in ego's language again, aren't I? "Seek" is an oxymoron because how can you seek that which you have not lost? But my mind tries so hard to convince me that this "thing" that will save me is away from where "I am"...It requires another physical journey into some dark mysterious cave away from where I am right here and right now. I put on my Indiana Jones hat and away I go on another adventure looking for the precious treasure "hidden in my heart". "Seek inward" still takes me away. It requires movement, doing, looking with the body's eyes, a future projection adding to the idea and story to satisfy the searching "me."
Who is "me"?
Who is the "me" that is seeking? That is the first question to ask. The me my mind tries to appease is simply just another idea...another thought form created by thought...and the mind wants to build on that thought form by giving me more thought in which to explain it, rationalize it, add to it. So it is sending me on yet another journey to do so. "Okay, here you go...now you are one of those evolving seekers that is looking inward instead of outward."
Where is "me" going?
Where is the "me" going? That is the next question to ask. The mind says, "This time you are going inward." It tries to make it alright by saying, "It is not like the other times I sent you out there on a mission to find your self so you could be happy....No I'm not fooling you this time ...really. You will find what you are looking for. I promise . You just have to go inward this time instead of outward." The thought of "inward" is offered to appease the thought form of "me". Getting confused yet?
"Inward?"
"Inward" is just another idea. "Me" is just another idea too. They are illusions created by the noisy mind that does not want to be still. If the mind becomes quiet, if the mind becomes still it will lose its power over us. We will realize that there is no journey...no mountain to climb, no attackers to escape, no big rolling boulder to run from, no cave to explore...no "hidden treasure" that will make us happy. It is all just a script written by the mind for dramatic effect. :)
Why does the mind send us on these senseless adventures? It does this to keep us away from the truth. It needs the drama. If the mind becomes quiet and still we will see that all our "searching' is just useless mental activity. If the mind becomes still...we will see that it is all just one big fancy illusion. Most importantly if the mind became still we would see the truth that ego tried so hard to deflect us from.
Hidden Treasure
What does the mind not want us to find? The mind does not want us to know who we are. So it creates this screen over that reality and it plays movie after movie on that screen. We get so absorbed in the movie watching we come to see everything that is happening on the screen as our life and we lose ourselves in the characters. We become them...we become the "me" when all it is, is just a thought, a projection from a movie camera.
If we were to lift one tiny finger and poke it through that flimsy barrier that exists between the little "me' with its many life events...and the true Self and the only Life there is...it would go through easily because the veil is so very thin. And if we were to allow the hole to grow...for some it grows fast, others it is more gradual... eventually we would see the Truth beneath that screen. We would see the space that surrounds it. We would hear the silence and feel the ancient peace.
Beyond that veil created by thought is all there is, all there ever was and all there will ever be. There is nothing. There is everything. There is "now" the only time there is. In that still space, who we really are exists. It is there where the Self is not found but is. The Self is. The peace it offers was and is always in our heart, never lost and never hidden by anything but mind chatter.
We just need to get beyond the mind chatter. We need not seek anything.
You are not what happens to you. You are the space in which it happens.
-Eckhart Tolle
Sorry...another rampage. I need to step back a bit. :)
ACIM W-164:4:1-2
Isn't that absolutely comforting and reassuring? Those words resonate in me because that is what I seek.
Seeking?
Hmmm! I am getting lost in ego's language again, aren't I? "Seek" is an oxymoron because how can you seek that which you have not lost? But my mind tries so hard to convince me that this "thing" that will save me is away from where "I am"...It requires another physical journey into some dark mysterious cave away from where I am right here and right now. I put on my Indiana Jones hat and away I go on another adventure looking for the precious treasure "hidden in my heart". "Seek inward" still takes me away. It requires movement, doing, looking with the body's eyes, a future projection adding to the idea and story to satisfy the searching "me."
Who is "me"?
Who is the "me" that is seeking? That is the first question to ask. The me my mind tries to appease is simply just another idea...another thought form created by thought...and the mind wants to build on that thought form by giving me more thought in which to explain it, rationalize it, add to it. So it is sending me on yet another journey to do so. "Okay, here you go...now you are one of those evolving seekers that is looking inward instead of outward."
Where is "me" going?
Where is the "me" going? That is the next question to ask. The mind says, "This time you are going inward." It tries to make it alright by saying, "It is not like the other times I sent you out there on a mission to find your self so you could be happy....No I'm not fooling you this time ...really. You will find what you are looking for. I promise . You just have to go inward this time instead of outward." The thought of "inward" is offered to appease the thought form of "me". Getting confused yet?
"Inward?"
"Inward" is just another idea. "Me" is just another idea too. They are illusions created by the noisy mind that does not want to be still. If the mind becomes quiet, if the mind becomes still it will lose its power over us. We will realize that there is no journey...no mountain to climb, no attackers to escape, no big rolling boulder to run from, no cave to explore...no "hidden treasure" that will make us happy. It is all just a script written by the mind for dramatic effect. :)
Why does the mind send us on these senseless adventures? It does this to keep us away from the truth. It needs the drama. If the mind becomes quiet and still we will see that all our "searching' is just useless mental activity. If the mind becomes still...we will see that it is all just one big fancy illusion. Most importantly if the mind became still we would see the truth that ego tried so hard to deflect us from.
Hidden Treasure
What does the mind not want us to find? The mind does not want us to know who we are. So it creates this screen over that reality and it plays movie after movie on that screen. We get so absorbed in the movie watching we come to see everything that is happening on the screen as our life and we lose ourselves in the characters. We become them...we become the "me" when all it is, is just a thought, a projection from a movie camera.
If we were to lift one tiny finger and poke it through that flimsy barrier that exists between the little "me' with its many life events...and the true Self and the only Life there is...it would go through easily because the veil is so very thin. And if we were to allow the hole to grow...for some it grows fast, others it is more gradual... eventually we would see the Truth beneath that screen. We would see the space that surrounds it. We would hear the silence and feel the ancient peace.
Beyond that veil created by thought is all there is, all there ever was and all there will ever be. There is nothing. There is everything. There is "now" the only time there is. In that still space, who we really are exists. It is there where the Self is not found but is. The Self is. The peace it offers was and is always in our heart, never lost and never hidden by anything but mind chatter.
We just need to get beyond the mind chatter. We need not seek anything.
You are not what happens to you. You are the space in which it happens.
-Eckhart Tolle
Sorry...another rampage. I need to step back a bit. :)
Friday, June 8, 2018
Are We There Yet?
I may not be there yet, but I am closer than I was yesterday.
-unknown
Okay...there is one more word that bugs me. I know, I know I said I was done with the rants on our inappropriate use of the English language but I guess I am not done yet.
YET!
That's the word that bugs me. Remember that old scenario, often mocked, of a child driving to some destination with his family and who innocently (and annoyingly asks) over and over again, "Are we there yet?"
Yet is a complicated word to understand. It to some may offer a certain hope. "No we are not there yet" or "We do not have that yet" "I have not finished yet"...implies that though we have yet to arrive, have or complete...there is the possibility that we will. It is not over yet.
Though I see the hope in it, I also see the problem with it. To me the word reeks of seeking without reaching, lack, unfulfillment, incompleteness, and being caught in limbo. Yet implies that there is something else needed or required to make the moment whole and acceptable; the being full and complete; the goal reached.
Yeah it offers hope but hope for what? Hope that this drastic moment of our life that we can not settle into will soon be over and replaced by a future time that will only be this moment when it comes? Hope that we will become something in some future fantasy other than what we are now?
Yet implies resistance...resistance to life because life cannot be anything but in this moment! When we use the word yet we are not living, not experiencing, not embracing the now. We are caught up in mind stuff and mental modifications that take us away from who we really are. That Self is already whole and complete!
I use it, don't get me wrong...I use it. I use all the words I question. I am as much conditioned as the next person. So, I am not condemning anyone for using these words and phrases. I am just suggesting that maybe we all begin to examine how we use our language. Does it help us to grow and expand? Or does it keep us contracted and feeling less than?
Wouldn't it be great if the parents of that child turned around and said, "Take a deep breath. Feel the air going in and out of your lungs. Feel your body. Look about you. This is your life, right here and right now and you are whole and complete just as you are. You have already arrived. There is no "yet'.... and if you ask us that %^&*($# question one more *&^%$#@ time...we are going to show you just how fleeting life is!" (Surely, I joke lol...not very Zen like am I?)
All is well
-unknown
Okay...there is one more word that bugs me. I know, I know I said I was done with the rants on our inappropriate use of the English language but I guess I am not done yet.
YET!
That's the word that bugs me. Remember that old scenario, often mocked, of a child driving to some destination with his family and who innocently (and annoyingly asks) over and over again, "Are we there yet?"
Yet is a complicated word to understand. It to some may offer a certain hope. "No we are not there yet" or "We do not have that yet" "I have not finished yet"...implies that though we have yet to arrive, have or complete...there is the possibility that we will. It is not over yet.
Though I see the hope in it, I also see the problem with it. To me the word reeks of seeking without reaching, lack, unfulfillment, incompleteness, and being caught in limbo. Yet implies that there is something else needed or required to make the moment whole and acceptable; the being full and complete; the goal reached.
Yeah it offers hope but hope for what? Hope that this drastic moment of our life that we can not settle into will soon be over and replaced by a future time that will only be this moment when it comes? Hope that we will become something in some future fantasy other than what we are now?
Yet implies resistance...resistance to life because life cannot be anything but in this moment! When we use the word yet we are not living, not experiencing, not embracing the now. We are caught up in mind stuff and mental modifications that take us away from who we really are. That Self is already whole and complete!
I use it, don't get me wrong...I use it. I use all the words I question. I am as much conditioned as the next person. So, I am not condemning anyone for using these words and phrases. I am just suggesting that maybe we all begin to examine how we use our language. Does it help us to grow and expand? Or does it keep us contracted and feeling less than?
Wouldn't it be great if the parents of that child turned around and said, "Take a deep breath. Feel the air going in and out of your lungs. Feel your body. Look about you. This is your life, right here and right now and you are whole and complete just as you are. You have already arrived. There is no "yet'.... and if you ask us that %^&*($# question one more *&^%$#@ time...we are going to show you just how fleeting life is!" (Surely, I joke lol...not very Zen like am I?)
All is well
Thursday, June 7, 2018
Know Nothing
Ignorance is a boundless reality. What you are yet to know is a limited possibility.
-Sadhguru
As I begin this journey into the next unknown chapter of my life I carry very little "knowledge" with me about where I was and where I will be going. I finally realize that I know nothing. That can be scary for someone who was so identified with knowledge...who defined themselves as "someone who knew". It is scary but at the same time very, very freeing. Putting down this image, this pretense, this limiting belief that kept me stuck...is freeing.
The truth is none of us know anything, we just "think" we do. True wisdom comes when we see that truth and we look at ourselves, the world and other beings with this "ignorance". We see everything in a different light when we get beyond what "we think" we know. We will be awed by Life instead of bored by it. We will stop judging, assuming, labelling and we will just look, wonder, feel. We will stop resisting our moments and settle into sweet acceptance. We will experience life for the first time. :)
Doesn't that sound wonderful?
All is well in my world.
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Do Not Labor or Spin
Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
Luke 12: 27 NIV
Luke 12: 27 NIV
...the unproblematic expression of the totality...
-Eckhart Tolle
Monday, June 4, 2018
"Flexible" Plans!
I got lost in story again yesterday, didn't I? Explaining what I am going to do and why lol. Truth is I am making plans to do things differently. It is all good. Excited and enthused about the switch up, the new courses I am taking and doing a bit of "doing." We all need to do a little bit don't we? Flexible plans are okay. The key word is flexible.
I tried another to do list this morning...checked off the walk which was absolutely lovely, the salutations to the sun (arm's giving me some challenges), the meditation, the green juice, the lesson in ACIM, and then I had "write for submission" which meant that I would write in my novel, fix up a short story, or start another. Pulled out the novel...opened it up, looked at it for a bit and knew in the pit of my gut that I didn't want to do that. Then I pulled out a short story I intended to send out but realized it needed some serious editing and revision. Opened that up, looked deep at the glaring sentences that I wanted to revise...changed a couple of words...and then I had the feeling again in the pit of my belly...no joy...so I closed that up lol.
The old me pops in and says, "Well you have it on the list...you gotta do it! Where is your discipline?" And I find myself just laughing... "Discipline? What's that?"
The writing for submission is not getting done this morning. Maybe later but right now I don't "feel it". You know? It doesn't bring me joy. (That might have something to do with the fact that I have "writing for submission" on my list instead of just "writing".) I just want to write that which wants to be written, I guess. :)
Today you begin to feel the joy of life. ACIM-W-157
It is all good.
I tried another to do list this morning...checked off the walk which was absolutely lovely, the salutations to the sun (arm's giving me some challenges), the meditation, the green juice, the lesson in ACIM, and then I had "write for submission" which meant that I would write in my novel, fix up a short story, or start another. Pulled out the novel...opened it up, looked at it for a bit and knew in the pit of my gut that I didn't want to do that. Then I pulled out a short story I intended to send out but realized it needed some serious editing and revision. Opened that up, looked deep at the glaring sentences that I wanted to revise...changed a couple of words...and then I had the feeling again in the pit of my belly...no joy...so I closed that up lol.
The old me pops in and says, "Well you have it on the list...you gotta do it! Where is your discipline?" And I find myself just laughing... "Discipline? What's that?"
The writing for submission is not getting done this morning. Maybe later but right now I don't "feel it". You know? It doesn't bring me joy. (That might have something to do with the fact that I have "writing for submission" on my list instead of just "writing".) I just want to write that which wants to be written, I guess. :)
Today you begin to feel the joy of life. ACIM-W-157
It is all good.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Plans?
A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
-Lao Tzu (Brainy Quote: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/plans)
Life is grand. The music of it is amazing as I listen to what is going on outside my window...all "the sighs and murmurs" as Tagore referred to it. So much life!
It dawned on me that in my "beingness" that I can still "do" without having to, musting myself to death or shoulding myself in the foot...I can still plan a bit and do a bit while maintaining this wonderful "I am" ness. I think it is important to stay up, at least to some extent, with the physical world. Eckhart Tolle in a video entitled Universe helps if you allow things as they are states that "Walking through the limitation, not running away from it is equal to inner freedom." I want inner freedom...so to walk through my perceived limitations I need to stop escaping and do something from this end.
Making Plans
I decided to do a few things to bring me back into doing....just a bit...at least so I do not become like Java the Hutt. I am already starting to resemble him a bit around the middle, and as someone who could never gain weight before I have gone beyond being a little excited with the novelty to being a little alarmed lol. Not for aesthetic reasons but for health ones. I have been going so far into the inner body, I have been ignoring the outer body...I am less and less concerned about its well being and it shows. It has taken pain, reprimands from dentists and doctors and the inability to fit into my clothes...that made me aware once again. "Hey...I have to take care of this thing don't I if I want to continue with "I am" ing." And I do want to continue to be.
Besides I have been in a rut! The inner work is wonderful and the most important thing in my life now...but I still need to function out there in some form or another. That part of me has been knee deep in mud for too long. Time to get out of it.
So...I am making plans. I am going to do several things to keep me motivated and inspired...committed to keeping the body moving forward...not toward anything in particular...just moving forward.
A new chapter begins...a new chapter begins.
All is well in my world.
-Lao Tzu (Brainy Quote: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/plans)
Life is grand. The music of it is amazing as I listen to what is going on outside my window...all "the sighs and murmurs" as Tagore referred to it. So much life!
It dawned on me that in my "beingness" that I can still "do" without having to, musting myself to death or shoulding myself in the foot...I can still plan a bit and do a bit while maintaining this wonderful "I am" ness. I think it is important to stay up, at least to some extent, with the physical world. Eckhart Tolle in a video entitled Universe helps if you allow things as they are states that "Walking through the limitation, not running away from it is equal to inner freedom." I want inner freedom...so to walk through my perceived limitations I need to stop escaping and do something from this end.
Making Plans
I decided to do a few things to bring me back into doing....just a bit...at least so I do not become like Java the Hutt. I am already starting to resemble him a bit around the middle, and as someone who could never gain weight before I have gone beyond being a little excited with the novelty to being a little alarmed lol. Not for aesthetic reasons but for health ones. I have been going so far into the inner body, I have been ignoring the outer body...I am less and less concerned about its well being and it shows. It has taken pain, reprimands from dentists and doctors and the inability to fit into my clothes...that made me aware once again. "Hey...I have to take care of this thing don't I if I want to continue with "I am" ing." And I do want to continue to be.
Besides I have been in a rut! The inner work is wonderful and the most important thing in my life now...but I still need to function out there in some form or another. That part of me has been knee deep in mud for too long. Time to get out of it.
So...I am making plans. I am going to do several things to keep me motivated and inspired...committed to keeping the body moving forward...not toward anything in particular...just moving forward.
- I am going to create a plan that makes room for getting my house ready to sell...so many hours a day on that. That will remove some of this guilt and shame I have been feeling over letting things go. I am not sure how much I will be able to do but I will map out a plan that seems like it won't exhaust me and I will take it as it comes. :)
- I am going to continue to do the spiritual work every morning: meditation, ACIM, and other reading or listening things.
- I will also add a short solitary walk to that every morning ( body willing) so I can spend mindful time in nature and get cardio. I miss that so much.
- I am going to do yoga ( arm willing) as I have been doing...physically I can get six sets of salutations in a day before symptoms...but I am going to continue to slowly and gradually add to that.
- In fact, I am going to do a Yoga Instructor Training course on line...which I have been meaning to do full out before my body and finances decided to make it challenging for me. Taking it on line...allows me to gain the knowledge and know how in teaching yoga to others without the physicality or expense of it. I also believe it may have the ability to heal me to some degree from my "perceived limitations". More than anything, it will give me a little purpose now that I am no longer a nursing instructor. I found a very cost effective and well recognized one that will give me the necessary hours to become certified. I may need to accept the fact that being registered may not be a reality for me considering that I am still clinging to this idea of physical limitation. (200 active contact hours are needed for registration). Get past that perceived limitation and who knows what can happen. :) I am willing to adjust my less than sufficient finances so that I have money for this...only because I truly feel the benefits will out weigh the expenditure. Besides anything to do with Yoga will enhance my growth and take me closer to knowing Self. That is my major life goal right now. I feel inspired and compelled to take this course!!! I will.
- Also found some wonderful little photography courses on Udemy ( $14.00 Canadian). I feel compelled to learn in that area too. Who knows...I might make money doing this someday. (Again...I am a little hesitant to turn this into "work" or to be "intent on arriving")
- I am also going to write ...a blog entry every other day (2-3 week)
- For now, I want to concentrate on my creative writing...so many words of my novel a day, maybe a short story every month. Just need to build that skill and test the water for receptivity
- I know I have other non fiction I started ...I guess I should start with organizing what needs to go out etc and ensure that everything is out there somewhere.
- I might...might...do up a chap book?. I don't know though...because I am looking at everything I wrote here so far and I am already feeling exhausted lol. I do not want my writing to feel like "work" ...especially the poetry.
- Oh...oh ..getting ahead of myself
A new chapter begins...a new chapter begins.
All is well in my world.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Certain Pathway or a Waste of Time?
I will stand back and let Him lead the way.
(ACIM-W-155)
Ego is not happy with me being here. When I look at the stats it sighs. When I put in "time" and what it refers to as "work"(What the bigger "I" refers to as "being") with no "compensation" which it so needs: recognition, payment, readership etc....it wags its finger in my face and hisses. "So you want to teach peace, do ya? Well who are you teaching it to...the spammers and the few loyal people who are caught between feeling sorry for you and wanting to have you committed? How much peace are you spreading there? What a waste of time and effort."
Oh ego can be nasty...lol. I know that a teacher needs students and a writer needs readers but that part, I feel, is not really my responsibility. My job is to come here....to show up everyday and offer what I have to offer. That simple. The rest will be "taken care of"...by when, what or how, I haven't a clue. Yet I know...I am doing my part because it feels so good. In the offering comes my rewards. That is all I need to know.
His trust has made your pathway certain and your goal secure. You will not fail your brothers or your Self. (ACIM-W-155:13:6-7)
All is well.
(ACIM-W-155)
Ego is not happy with me being here. When I look at the stats it sighs. When I put in "time" and what it refers to as "work"(What the bigger "I" refers to as "being") with no "compensation" which it so needs: recognition, payment, readership etc....it wags its finger in my face and hisses. "So you want to teach peace, do ya? Well who are you teaching it to...the spammers and the few loyal people who are caught between feeling sorry for you and wanting to have you committed? How much peace are you spreading there? What a waste of time and effort."
Oh ego can be nasty...lol. I know that a teacher needs students and a writer needs readers but that part, I feel, is not really my responsibility. My job is to come here....to show up everyday and offer what I have to offer. That simple. The rest will be "taken care of"...by when, what or how, I haven't a clue. Yet I know...I am doing my part because it feels so good. In the offering comes my rewards. That is all I need to know.
His trust has made your pathway certain and your goal secure. You will not fail your brothers or your Self. (ACIM-W-155:13:6-7)
All is well.
Friday, June 1, 2018
Giving and Recieving; Teaching and Learning
Peace, then, be unto everyone who becomes a teacher of peace.(ACIM, Chapter 14: V:8:1)
Still wonder why I feel so compelled to come here every morning. I am not getting paid, not being recognized, very few people read what I write here and what I have to say may not be received favorably by the few that do. I am quite sure that if it were any other way I would not be as compelled to come here. The circumstances of slight anonymity are perfect for whatever I am doing here...and I am not quite sure what that is. :) That is why I do not publicize this site or seek anything from it other than a willing platform on which I can plant my words and images.
I am devoted to this Blog...I feel my day is not quite complete until I put a few words down here. Usually it is so effortless. That tells me that whatever I do here is for some higher purpose. There are no "ego" reasons for being here. Maybe that is why I come to these pages...so I can be myself. ..my most authentic and real self...the Self.
I read a line in A Course today that went like this, We will not recognize what we receive until we give it. (ACIM-W-154;12:1)Sometimes I don't see what I am getting from this. I learn here. I grow here. It seems that I am giving something to whomever may stumble upon these pages ...that I am teaching...but in truth...it is only through the giving that I am receiving and through the teaching that I am learning all this stuff I write about. I want to learn. It is a selfish act and it is a selfless act at the same time. I teach what I am learning and I am learning what I teach.
What it boils down to here is that I simply want peace. I find it here. So I teach peace. It can't be any other way I suppose.
It is all good.
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