A Hard Look at the Veil

 Lamp

 

Hold your lamp up high.

Let the small flame flicker

and glow as you swing

it back and forth

with every step you take.

Know that it can be seen

through the thick fog

and through the darkness

that surrounds this world at times.

 

Feed the flame with your sweet breath.

Let it grow and expand

as the borders of its golden light

extend in tiny arms of compassion,

reaching  out to the others

stumbling along their paths.

 

Fan it with your talk of dreams

and your laughter

and your love

as it ripples through the thirsty world

quenching an emptiness

and the never ending  need for more.

 

Watch as the embers dance and giggle

beneath the conduction of your joy.

There is nothing to fear.

Do not cup your hand over it

to defend it from others

who might want to blow it out.

 

Do not dim it

with the intention of

conserving it for darker times.

Let it shine as bright as it can,

now.

Let it grow

until the flames lick the stars

and until the healing light

that comes from you

pours over the world like

a glorious sunrise.

 

Shine your light brightly,

mesmerizing all who watch in awe

as you beam

in the way you were meant to beam,

warming and brightening the entire world

With your lamp.

©Dale-Lyn  March 2015

 

I have been thinking a lot about that little experience I had the other day in the grocery store.  No, it wasn't a "satori" or a consequence of "samadhi". I wasn't thrown up to the ceiling by some explosion of light. lol....far from it... but it was very significant to my growth and learning. I felt, for the briefest of moments, what it was like to exist outside the dark and heavy low energy veil many of us have draped over us...a veil that we have become so used to, we do not even know it is there. 

Sure, I find myself wanting to relive that experience...to grasp, cling and store it inside because it was so pleasant. I also know, however, that is not conducive to my learning right now.  Clinging and striving to relive it will not help this growth mission I am on.  What my "teaching" impersonal mind keeps bringing me back to is, "Why don't I feel that way all the time?  What is this thick heavy veil that exists between that experience of freedom and joy and my 'normal' daily experience of life? How has this thick veil interfered with the life I could be having?  How can I remove it once and for all so I, and others, could live in that state I now know is possible to live in? "

Every one of us has our holiness, because we have the Buddha within us. When the Buddha is alive inside us we don't suffer, and happiness is possible. Thich Nhat Hanh, Fear, page 78 ( Harper One, 2012)

I was shown ...randomly or by some higher curriculum design, I don't know, and I don't care who or what did the showing lol...but I was shown in that moment there was and is a better way to live and experience Life. It doesn't have to be all dark and heavy like a "midnight dreary", and we do not have to approach it all "weak and weary" anticipating that something gloomy and terrible is always about to happen. (Edgar Allan Poe)  There is...as the opening poem expresses... a light in us...heck...we are that light... that can brighten the whole world ...if we stop covering it up with this veil.    

I have been conceptualizing and intellectually exploring that reality for eons...but I never had the direct "felt experience" of it. ...or at least not enough to make me this aware of the true possibility of it. I wasn't ready before, maybe, to experience the comparitive differences between the two ways of experiencing Life: As a light  that is unimpeded or a light that is dimmed and covered up by something I wish to understand more about.

 This experience of contrast I was granted was so short lived ...so easily stored without too much thought but I am going to pull it up from my memory bank to really explore it. Most importantly, I have to look deeply into that which normally prevents me from experiencing it. We need to explore the veil that covers and dims the light we are. 

What the heck is this veil? I can tell you that it is called a layer of samskara in yoga, a psyche veil of stuffed and stored memory of events with emotionally charged energies. ..but heck those are only concepts, aren't they? So many of us feel that veil over our light everyday...we live and breathe through it thinking that what we are seeing is reality. What if this veil is nothing more than an illusion, a distorted lens through which we see and respond to the world?  What if what I felt in the grocery store was our true reality...what we are meant to feel all of the time? 

What I felt that day was a freedom from this veil so the light could shine freely. It was an "undimmed and uncovered" version of Life.  It was the total opposite "felt experience"  of what I experience unknowingly most of the time. Through having that experience then, I could begin to explore what was preventing me from having it all the time.  As a contrast it helped me to see that which has become so "normal" to my living, I fail to even notice it. 

What we could be experiencing all the time: 

I felt in that momentary experience positive energy flowing through me. I felt lighter, not weighed down by worry or fear; open, very confident, very worthy, like I belonged.  I was so sure I had a purpose in this world ...I could see so clearly that I had so many  unique gifts that only I could offer and that these gifts  were valuable. I could see so many ways I could help the world while doing what I loved to do. I knew that theses gifts I had offered already were, are, and will be appreciated in a wholesome way. I felt like a really "good" human being.  In fact, I realized all human beings were "good". This wasn't coming from a sense of  shame or need for redemption ...just an authentic sense of shared worthiness.  I looked about me and I knew everyone had a very important purpose, special and unique gifts to offer as well. I felt like I loved everyone and everything. I wanted to honor,  protect and care for it all. I found myself smiling, making others smile back.  I felt like they loved me (who I was beyond the 'me')  even if they didn't know they did. And if they "thought" that they didn't love me...that was just their egos having a problem with my ego.  It seemed so unimportant, in those moments, to have their egos liking me...to have their egos approving of me. I just felt loved and I loved.  What was cool...was that I could see past egos altogether...theirs and mine. Everyone was beautiful. I felt peace...like everything was going to be okay. I wasn't worried about what might happen tomorrow; how long my body would last and how well it would last; what choices my loved ones would make; how I would get by financially; etc...it was just so peaceful. The world just seemed to be this wonderful place to be in.  The future was suddenly full of endless possibilities. I knew I would be guided and supported in whatever I chose to do. I was happy, enthusiastic and excited. It was pretty cool. 

The coolest thing was that I could see there was an  opposite to this...see that there was something blocking me from feeling this way all of the time.  I had a strong desire to explore that something so I could remove it once and for all. I had to look at what I tend to experience and why?

What Many of Us Actually Tend to Experience:

It is shocking to realize just how "negative" our thinking and feeling can be ...our energy? We've covered it up with every gimmick and distraction imaginable. We may be in for a big surprise when we take the time to honestly explore this veil and what we tend to experience becasue of it. 

When I looked at myself after the incident I realized that instead of feeling light, I tend to feel heavy and weighed down by worry, by fear, by life.  Even when I am not aware that I am chronically worried and afraid...I actually am. In almost every moment of my life I am...to my supprise... clenching up, and  anticipating what might be coming around the corner in terms of hardship. Wow! That was surprising.

Are you seeing through a veil of fear and worry too? 

It also blew me away to see that there is a deep core belief in me that Life is not supporting me...that it is out to get me. I have this sense that nothing is going to work out in my favour ...that "peace" is just a dream...so, I tell myself to stop thinking about "me" (which is also a positive and spiritual thing to do.  Knowing that, however, makes it easier for me to neglect my human needs). I have this inexplicable sense that life is all about "sucking it up", and  "surviving suffering" which I seem to be getting pretty good at doing. Because I see no end to suffering in my mind...I am trying to make the best of what I see as a series of "bad" situations by convincing myself that accepting is the spiritual thing to do. I didn't realize until recently though that I was confusing acceptance with resignation and giving up. 

How about you? Do you have the sense that life is all about "sucking it up" and "surviving suffering"?

Open? It is hard to stay open when you are constantly waiting to be attacked from out of nowhere.  I am more often than not, against my better judgment, closed up in protective mode. 

What about you? 

Though Redeemer Ego often steps up to the plate as masquerading self and creates this "illusion" of confidence...I am not very confident. When ego is leading, I am timid, shy,  and "backwards" as my father would describe this  family trait.  

How truly and authentically confident are you most of the time? 

Through experiencing the contrast, I became so aware of this deep sense of unworthiness that makes this veil so dark and heavy. Like many humans, I walk around with a boulder of unworthiness in my belly.  That makes getting around challenging. I feel I have to do more...and be more...just to pay my rent for being on this planet. I don't really feel like I belong anywhere.  I have actually found some genuine peace in solitude and alone-ness...but I also prefer to be alone so I do not have to deal with these feelings of inadequacy I have when I am around others.  I love my family and friends  but there is this deep penetrating belief that they don't...can't...feel the same way about me ...or at least they wouldn't.  I do not trust other people's expressions of love and belongingness towards me. I really don't...that is pretty surprising to realize...but I don't.  I honestly feel, despite the fact that I am surrounded by so many who profess to love me or like me,  that no one has my back...that I am doing it alone. I cannot believe, because of past experiences, I will get the validation, support, or help I might need from systems or individuals when I truly need it; that I have to learn to do without it.  I have. At the same time I have this conditioned belief that I have to put the needs of others above my own at all times. (I can rationalize that with my new understanding of 'no-self.')  I am pretty "strong" because of that but I also know that this is all very irrational.  I know conceptually we are all inter-beings on this planet but I have yet to have, other than in the odd moment, the 'felt experience' of it.

 What about you? Do you feel loved? Do you feel like you belong? 

I am not sure what my purpose is.  Sometimes, I find myself believing that if I have a purpose, it is to suffer. Though, I do understand karma, again and again, I find myself dragged back into this false notion that I am being punished for some past sins or that I am living out some heavy karmic punishment for the sins of my ancestors. Crazy, I know. I see myself as a victim to karma...to life...I therefore do not have much to offer.  When I become aware of any special talents or gifts I might have I find myself asking, "Who is going to want them if they come from me?" If I don't get external validation or support for these talents...I will tell myself, "Meant to be...you don't deserve it ...you are not good enough...or you are just showing off......etc" Then there is that core belief that life is never going to work out in my favour..."I will never have the opportunity to do what I love to do and make a living doing it."  or Shamer Ego will step in to say, "Who do you think you are for professing to be talented or knowing...you are not qualified to help others.  You will likely do more harm than good. Stay in the background where no one can see you. That is where you belong." So many of my talents, gifts, skills or genuine abilities go unexpressed or unnoticed if they are expressed...so they do not reach the people they could help. I feel what I have to give is "wasting away in obscurity." 

Do you have gifts wasting away in obscurity?

A good human being? I am fully aware intellectually that "good" and "bad" are dualistic terms that we do not want to be too attached to but ...no, I do not always feel like a 'good' human being. My religious and childhood conditioning is still quite ingrained in me.  Though, rationally it seems so absurd...I do have a deep core belief that I am a "sinner" and that my life is a walking penance. I still sometimes confuse innocent mistakes I may make as sins that deserve punishment.  Crae-Crae, I know. 

I do see the goodness in others or at least I strive to. I definitely believe that others are better and more deserving than me (not healthy psychologically or spiritually)  ...but I also still confuse the behaviours of others with who they are at times.  I have become remarkably good at forgiving most transgressions against this human I call "me", but there are some unconscious personalities I have a hard time seeing beyond to their inherent goodness. The behaviours of some unconscious personalities have done great damage to this body and mind  and to the beings I love. My ego still gets triggered by the egos of others.  I am more aware of the "ego against ego" battles when they arise and am much less emotionally attached to them but sometimes I still get lost in my ego. 

What about you? Do you see yourself and all other humans as "good" the majority of time? 

During this short lived experience of positivity and peace...I was not weighed down by the battling duo: Shamer Ego and Redeemer Ego as I most often am. It showed me what I have suppressed and repressed so deeply within me...how I am weighed down to the point of exhaustion most days with the heavy weight of a shame I can barely explain. Even though I understand where it comes from, it is hard to deal with such a heavy weight every moment. This shame is responsible for most of the internal dialogue that is so intent on reminding me that I am a "sinner", "an unworthy loser", that "I am getting what I deserve from life, that I should be ashamed of myself for even thinking that I had special gifts or was capable of helping others" etc.  Shamer Ego is pretty nasty. Redeemer ego is not so nice either...leading me on an endless pursuit to prove shamer wrong...to make me okay in the eyes of others.  Such a crazy battle. For a brief moment that  day I felt that weight lifted; I felt like I didn't have to cringe in shame which takes so much energy; nor did I have to expend energy trying to be better than others at something just so I could feel like enough (if only in my head),  and it was amazing not to feel that! 

Are you aware of a shamer and redeemer ego in yourself? Have you ever experienced the relief from shame that didn't come from some false egoic redemption tactics? 

I don't always feel love pouring through me.  I feel compassion and empathy a great deal of the time and I know that love is not something we get from the outside, but I have always been a little afraid of sending my love out there in case it wasn't received well. So, I never really had the "felt experience" of unconditional love pouring from the inside out...like I did that day.  That was the first time I was fully experientially aware of that inner flow and its unconditional nature. I wasn't afraid to send it out in case I didn't get it back. It didn't matter if others wanted it on the egoic level...I knew somehow it would reach them on a deeper level. I knew they loved me through their egoic veils, whether they knew it or not.  It was a love where there was no ego in the way of its flow.  

Have you ever felt that love pouring through you?  Are you still caught up in egoic attachment and conditional love?

I don't tend to look at the future anymore because I am afraid of getting more of the same.  Once I put away my notion of dreams and "hope", seeing them as egoic tools more than healthy ones...I fell into accepting the now as it is. I don't allow myself to get enthusiastic or excited about the future.  I also learned not to be attached to outcomes which is a very healthy spiritual practice.  I put away expectations which again is healthy but in my case, I realize it was due as well to a fatalistic resignation that the future likely won't turn out in my favour. I also felt I had little to no control of my future life Supported by Life? I don't feel supported very often by physical things let alone nonphysical. lol. I feel like I am doing this on my own ...so I walk into the future a bit apprehensive. I do not have the confidence that no matter what happens I can handle it.  I just face what is potentially up ahead, reminding myself how much I "endured" over the years and I tell myself that if I handled that, I can handle anything.  I don't believe my future is going to be bright enough to require shades. Hmm!

  How do you view your future? You got your sun glasses on?

So, as you can see this veil is made up of a low level energy...what we might call negative. It is therefore "denser" and therefore heavier than the high energy I experienced for a few minutes a few days ago. It colours my view and I act accordingly. If I am being honest, I must share that I have ...despite my spiritual practice which has taken me so far...still been operating  like a "Negative Nellie" or a "Pessimistic Penny" or a "Debbie Downer".  It is hard to admit this to myself but I know that if we truly want to be heal we need to be honest. Sigh!

Do you see yourself operating from negativity?

I want to know through the "felt experience" that I am light.  I want to share that light with everyone so they can shine brighter too...therefore helping others to shine until the whole world is one bright light. In order to do that...the veil has to be removed.  For most of us that means "a past has to be healed".  How? First, recognize how your clinging to the  past may be affecting your life today. Next, be willing to let it go. Then, allow whatever energy that is stored because of that past to rise up, be experienced, and then released. This is purification in yoga. 

What does purification do? It removes the veil.  It cleans out the channels so the high and beautiful energy of who we really are can flow through, so our light can shine unimpeded.  That is what I felt that day. Imagine  if everyone felt that all the time. Wouldn't life be wonderful??

All is well in my world.

A Moment of Clarity

 

...this is where we see life as happening to us and believe we cant have any impact.  We are completely unaware of ourselves as influencers or creators and therefore feel a strong sense of fatalism and resignation. ...we don't even know we are unhappy, or that there is an otherway to be. We may simply be going through the motions, believeing that this is what we have to do, because this is the way life is.

Dr Sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 28

I had a brief spontaneous moment yesterday where I lived and experienced life as someone who truly felt worthy. It hit me in the grocery store, of all places, out of nowhere. I found myself smiling and talking openly  to others...loving them without any concern of what they might have thought of me. People seemed to come to me, smile or talk and be loving to me. I was happy and in love with the world and everyone in it. I also felt very confident...aware that I did indeed have special gifts to share with others and that those gifts are being  and will be received well. It felt that my presence on earth mattered...that I was adding light to the world. I had absolutely no fear or worry about the future. There was this deep internal sense that things were working out in my favour. I was filled with a positivity I had not experienced for so long, if at all. There was  this invisible and inexplicable external validation of my worth overcoming me, that somehow washed  away, for a moment, a deeply entrenched personal mind core belief that was the total oppposite of this feeling.   

I was also instantly aware, in that moment of positivity, the contrast between what I was feeling then and what I spent most of my life experiencing prior to that moment.  I could see so clearly  how that  deep core belief of unworthiness I had been clinging to and had surpressed so deeply to the point of unawareness of it... led to a negative mindset that had me expecting and waiting, almost every moment, for the worse to happen. It impacted my life tremendously ...affecting how I saw myself and therefore how this self moved around in the world. That clarity was astounding!

It all happened so fast and it was like, "Wow! WTF- front door?" 

It didn't last long. This feeling came on its own and it left on its own.  I tried to figure out what brought it on. It wasn't prompted by any real external trigger or situation. I worried for a second about any 'ego stroking' I might  might have received, different from anything else I receive. I thought about some externally prompted  inspiration, and the illusionary and weak pull of "hope" being the cause of it.  On reflection,  however, I realize that it wasn't external. This felt experience was coming from within. 

Though it left fairly quickly too...the clarity didn't. I knew then that I had to look into this toxic core belief within me that had been "ruining" my life experience to date. I realized that I wasn't alone. This is a core belief too many of us live by. This is a samskara that is blocking the flow of this "felt experience of true worthiness" for many of us. 

Hmm! Something to think about. I will be back with more on this.

All is well.

Wings

 The practice of mindful breathing is very important.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Samatha- calm abiding, tranquility...to stop

Vipassana- insight; looking deeply, "to see things as they really are."

Hanh describes these two practices as the wings of breath.

Without insight you cannot  stop.

Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us , if we are deeply wounded, we need to heal and we heal by stopping.  Many of us are not aware of how to stop.  That is where Vipassana comes in. Looking deeply helps us to become aware of when we need to stop and how. 

We are all deeply wounded in one way or another.

Reminded of this:

Wings

Oh beautiful bird with expanded wing,
carry me away,
to the kingdom my Self longs for,
a place where I can stay.
I put away my running shoes,
my need to hide, to  grasp, to seek  
and close my eyes and wait for you
 to clasp me in your  beak.
Lift me up with gentle ease,
 and save me from my fear.
Take me to that special place
 that exists nowhere but here.

 Place me on  the graceful wing
where time is hushed and stilled
 and where mind and body stop to breathe
as nature surely wills.
Upon your feathery pinion,
I will stretch out in passive form
giving up my struggles and my fight
to resist each passing storm.
I will surrender graciously,
as we glide through spacious sky,
and I will notice how blue it is
while the grey clouds pass us by.

I will have faith in you my friend
to shelter and protect,
as I let go  into the sureness of your strength,
my view you will correct.
As you hold me on your wing,
and we skillfully swoop and glide,
I will know that where you're taking me
is nowhere but inside.
And as I breathe in each precious breath,
I will observe  each internal knot release
from    the twisted  pain of wounded cells
to settle into peace.

Then when there is no longer in me
a place for fear and grief to hide,
I will crawl so gratefully over you
to the wing on the other side.
There, I will lie and look about;
the wonders of the world, I will see
and understand so perfectly
the way it was and the way it's meant to be.
And without a noise of flapping wing,
you will gently set me down
in the home of Self where I never left
and where I always can be found.

Dale-Lyn  May 2020

All is well

Plum Village/Thich Nhat Hanh (2024) Stop Running.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qch5ISD9Bxo

Do you create your universe?

 The only person you are destined to become-is the person you decide to be.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you still buy into the new age notion that You create your universe?

I still struggle with that one.  I see the universe as being pretty impersonal,  but Michael Singer reminded me this morning that though I might not create the universe, 

You create your experience of the universe....because you are looking at it through your personal veil

As I learn about energy medicine etc I am taught that as energy, I affect energy and therefore affect the rippling that occurs at the quantum level .  I have a hard time with that.  Am I as this body, mind, prana really affecting the ripples in the quantum field? Is this where "The Law of Attraction" comes in?

I do not wish to attract anything with the law of attraction except an ability to experience all of Life and be okay doing so.  Sure, I do wish to get beyond this sense of struggle and angst I have been experiencing. Though it would be really nice to be able to pay the bills without worry or have everyone I love be well and happy...I know that these are requests of the personal mind and will not lead me to what I really want and need. No changes "out there" will. What I am seeking  is completely an inner process. We too often devote our lives to getting what we want but Yoga and other spiritual practices teach us we need to devote our lives to removing the blockages so this shakti can flow.  I "know" that to be true. 

What do you wish to attract with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you want a new home or car, a certain amount of money in your account, a great job, some notoriety or fame? 

What if you were so open, so free, so filled with unconditional peace, love, and shakti...would you still want that?  The attainment of those things would be so inconsequential, wouldn't it? 

We need to cleanse that which is blocking our shakti flow and deal with each challenge in the meantime.

So how do we handle challenge, when life is just hard? 

This inward journey  or process starts with acceptance of "what is."  Acceptance is the opposite of resistance. Resistance is counter productive to our healing and our growth. As long as we are accepting, we are not resisting.

If we accept when we first encounter that challenging event, we  respond to that which is unfolding. If we resist first, we react to that which is unfolding. We want to respond not react. Sure we might have to "do" something to make the situation better, but only after we accept it. Responding to life is a lot different than reacting to life. 

We need to approach each challenge by seeing the impersonal nature of it.  It looks hard, wrong, unfair only becausee we are seeing through the veil of "me" we created, the psyche, the sum of our learned events. Life is just doing Life and we get to be a part of it, experience it.  Shouldn't that be enough? Why do we have to make it all about "me"? 

It is wonderful that we are in a universe that creates itself...Stop this silly old game that you are playing that it is destroying you and everyone else...Its not about getting what you want...interact with the world but don't interact for "you/[ the little me.]"

Spirituality is the alternative to acting as the sum of your learned experiences...Through it, we learn to instead of buying into what our ego is doing or wanting to attract, to take a step back, observe it and say, "I don't have to listen to you ego...you just lead me outward when the answer is in here. " 

Relax through it.

Instead of continuing to push down, stuff, and store blocking the flow of Shakti...we need to invite those samskaras, those blockages to "Come on up!" 

We need to accept, cleanse, and heal...and that is an inside game that the "Law of Attraction" cannot help us with. 

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( April 14, 2025) The Illusion of Control and the Power of Acceptance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDpe_bXINWk&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Not What People Here Adore

 One of the gifts of being a writer is that it gives you the excuse  to do things, to go places and explore. Another is that writing motivates you to look closely at Life, life as it lurches by and tramps around. 

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I recently answered questions about any unmanifetsed desires I might have about being a social influencer or wanting to make money for the videos I put up on the youtube channel I created: Waking Up with Mindful Serenity Yoga. I have what others would consider to be a less than average presence in the youtube world.  I wanted to stress in my reply that I was perfectly okay with that! 

I want to make it known that I am okay with the semi-obscure reception of this blog as well. I also am not actively promoting this blog. Though it is in public domain...I keep it pretty quiet. I don't tell a lot of people about it for many reasons. Firstly, the topic matter is somewhat "personal" (though I am aware of the limiting nature of "personal"...I realize that others might find what I do here "too personal" and that it may reflect on any social or professional  role I may be presently active in. I don't like to cross over from professional to personal). 

Secondly, what I write about is also contraversial.  I discuss philosophical, psychological, scientific and religious notions  that others might find, "woo-woo, silly, ridiculous or even "blasphemous." I don't actively seek contraversy, just truth. 

Thirdly, I am also, by some form of conditioned nature, "shy".  I don't like to stand out. I find it much more comfortable to stay in the background, blending in with the walls.  I often speak of the ego twins I noticed active within me: "Shamer" and "Redeemer". "Shamer is still there reminding me to stay in the background.  It also reminds me  that "Redeemer's" reflex and compensatory tendency to stand out and be seen in a positive light...will likely not be received positively through this method.  lol.  So, I am not seeking to be seen and known here.  Such a possibility makes me more uncomfortable then it does comfortable. 

So, why the heck am I even doing this? 

My first honest answer to that question is "I don't know?"  This compulsion I have to come here is bigger than either the "Shamer" or the "Redeemer" parts of  this "me".  As a writer (which is just a part of my true nature) I have this internal compulsion to write...to express whatever this is inside me that cries to be expressed. This that comes out is a very honest and "real" expression of my experience of Life.  When I don't express...I feel inauthentic and somehow depleted. I need to honor this feeling and this page gives me the opportunity to do that. This truth that is emerging inside me is also all consuming and I feel pulled to share it with whomever might want to hear it. (My compulsion to come here is beyond this little "me" who would rather stay in the shadows.) 

That is it too...I put this out there without any expectations or demands.  I am not attached to any outcomes.  I do not actively seek readers but I welcome any that I get.  I definitely do not seek notoriety, fame, or riches from this lol. For the most part, ego is way in the background of this one. The more I write here...the more I reflect on my learning...and the less and less ego becomes a major player in this life.  Heck...the more I write, the more I realize this isn't my life at all lol.

This page, I guess, is just a canvas for me to paint on.  I write/create because that is what I feel compelled to do.  I am not even sure what I will create when I come here each day...I just throw the paint on and wait to see what happens. Not everyone is going to appreciate what is created.  They don't have to. But I cannot stop doing what I feel compelled to do just because others may not like it or never get to see it, can I? Art is all about the process, not the outcome.

Anyway, thought I would share that. And thank you for anyone who reads this and appreciates it. I am truly grateful that you are receiving the gift I share here.

I guess I am not what people here adore. and that is perfectly okay with me.

All is well!

Stepping Away from "I Have a Life!"

 Are you ready to step out of the narrative in your mind that says "my life" and realize that you don't have a life, that the whole thing that you call 'my life' is certain thoughts that float around in your head and you identify with them.  You don't have a life, you are Life!

Eckhart Tolle

Do you get that yet, even on a conceptual level?  I think I finally do. I can understand it conceptually. It is so clear in my mind that it is the truth.  Is that enough?

No...believing it and understanding it is not enough....I need to realize it.  Realizing something is different than conceptually believing or thinking something is true. 'Realize' means "to be fully aware".  To be fully aware requires going beyond the mind...it is about being aware at the deepest level.  It is about living and being that truth! 

"...to realize you are life which is a temporary expression of the one Life, the one consciousness that pervades the entire universe. You are a temporary expression of that One Life.  You don't have a life..."

So, though my conceptual mind understands this truth of who I am...(finally after years of studying, reading, listening, praying, meditating, etc. I get it it! I really get it!)...I have yet to fully realize it with my entire being! 

I am not yet living in that deeper dimension: 

Another dimension in you that is higher than thinking...awareness...presence. ..This dimension of consciousness is in you...

 I truly see that who I think I am is not who I am...that it too is just a "thought" and that I am the consciousness out of which thoughts come. 

...thoughts...including the thought of who we are and "my life" are just ripples on this mighty infinite ocean of consciousness. 

I know there is and am seeking for the possibility of stepping out of thought...so that I can touch that presence in this human I call me that is deeper than thought. 

There is a presence deeper than thought...out of which thought rises. 

But...I am not there yet!  I still get pulled into the narrative again and again. I am ready, though, to take the neccessary steps out of the story in my mind and fully realize that I don't have a life, I am Life!

What about you? 

Eckhart Tolle ( January, 2025) How to Wake Up from an Unhappy Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdHClX1Gzgo&t=12s

True or Not True?

 We spend a lot of time experiencing what isn't true about ourselves in order to discover what is.

Dr. Sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 62

Yeah! I am invested in this reading!! It is hitting home. 

Grandson is coming for the weekend, so I will be back with more on this later.

All is well

Life as Your Sadhanna

 Every moment between your birth and your death is holy...

The purpose of your birth is to grow spiritually. 

Michael A. Singer

Do you know that?  Do you really know that? 

I know that at the core...but every now and again (more often than I like still) I get pulled away from that truth by an overactive ego and I forget.  I identify with all the nonsense ego is staring at and saying to this that I am. It tells this human that this that I am is staring at, this story ego is telling it...is what I am.  I believe ego over this Knowing.  

I am, as most humans are, addicted to the drama and thinking of the egoic mind. I fall away from the purpose I am here for and into the drama ego made up. Sigh! This maya...or illusion of life I experience from ego's perspective seems so real and compelling...I slip in my recovery and get lost in some very conditional and temporal made up high and some made up low again...and again. It is indeed a hard habit to break...but it is just a habit.  A habit that gets in the way of us truly realizing and living out our purpose here. 

Your awareness of being...your consciousness is addicted [to "little me"].

What purpose are we here for?

Earth is a place that souls are sent to evolve.

Do you believe that or is it still a bit too woo-woo for you? What about if we said, your job is to permit and experience creation? Any better? Or: We come into these incarnations so consciousness can grow and expand? A little better?

Regardless, that is why we are here. It is not about getting what you want; it is not about avoiding what you dont want.  Infact, it is not about that which we call "me" at all. It is about discovering the "God-descended" I am beneath this ego identification we are all tangled up in. It is about removing our focus from that drama of me we are staring at and pulling it back into who we really are. "Ambassadors of God."

As God's Ambassadors we are given a small little sliver of Life to experience with events and situations (random yet somehow perfectly orchestarated). In the dash between our birth and our death...we view people and experiences that are unique to us.  Our view  from which we see the world then is one unique perspective out of 8.5 billion other human perpsectives, and God knows how many other "being" perspectives. God gets to experience this perspective through me and then through all the other humans and beings out there. 

As God's amassador....you have a private showing of creation through which God can experience your version of Life.(Somehwat paraphrased)

Still too woo-woo? Need a little science interjected into all this?

What if I said you were as body and mind in this incarnation a manifestation of the quantum field? 

When physicists were asked, "What is the quantum field made of?"

They answered something to the effect:" We don't know.  We have no idea. We do know it is omnipresent and we can create everything in the universe with it."

That means all of our forms (body, mind etc) were created by this inexplicable, invisible field and in this field...this field of vibration... various frequencies will manifest into particle matter. At the same time, who we really are is this vibration, a representation of this field. ...not the body and mind. We are the formless field manifested into this body and mind we call a human being.

The scientists are finally catching up with the ancient rishis who knew this along time ago.  They studied the quantum field from the inside out. They knew and taught about the "primal vibration of the unmanifest"...the "field that always was and will always be". This field is consciousness...the Source of everything... It is that from which we descend into these bodies and minds to live out a tiny blip in eternity as these human beings.

Why have we come into these bodies and minds? 

So Consciousness, Source can be aware of Itself being Itself.

Is that your exerience? Is consciousness aware of Itself as Itself through you?  Or are you like most of us, looking in the wrong direction...focusing on this "little me" and all its drama?  Addicted, needing the highs, cursing the lows and forgetting who you really are and from where you came?  Probably right?  How's that working for you? If you are doing what the majority of us are doing, you are proably experiencing a messy, chaotic, and problematic Life with quite a bit of suffering in it? Right? 

My addiction to me and its dramas is making a mess of my experience of life and the more I "realize"this,  I also see how it is making a very clouded and dirty lens for Consciousness to see through. I am not doing what I am here to do. To clear that lens and do what I am here to do, I need to remove my attachment to what consciousness is staring at ("me" and its woes"). I need to remember who I am without this "me" in the way. 

Your purpose in this life is to bridge the gap between who you are and who you think you are. 

We need to know that who we think we are, is not who we are...before we can realize who we truly are.  

You are not what you experienced, you are that which  experienced.

We need to learn to accept and be open to all that unfolds in front of us so we can live out our purpose as Amabassador's of God. Instead of clinging, and resisting the things Life offers us we need to embrace them. 

How do we do that when some of those things are so very painful and challenging...so compelling for the ego to draw consciousness into? 

That which convinces us that we as seperate little entities are at the mercy of a Life that just might be out to get us has us pretty addicted, doesn't it? There are a few things we need to do to break that habit.

First, we need to detach from that which we are staring at and identifying with, to remember who we are. We are not the body and mind or the problems we are facing.  We are God descended.  We are energy from the quantum field.  At our essence, we are divine and powerful souls. We need to remember that. 

Then we need to remember why we are here....It isn't about this ego identity we create and call "me". We are here so God can experience a unique perspective of Life through us and so we can, as consciousness, grow and expand. 

And when challenges arise while we are here, as they certainly will...we need to re-evaluate these challenges and see the opportunity in them. I have heard of this possible solution many times before by others, Wayne Dyer being one, but I heard it again from Dr. Sue Morter. If we realize (or at least imagine until we realize) that we knew before we were incarnated, before we descended from the field or the Source plane or heaven (whatever you wish to call it I don't care) that we had a choice in our life experiences...wouldn't that make it easier to accept them? Leaves us with a feeling of empowerment, doesn't it...instead of victimhood? 

Bus Stop Conversation?

What if I actually generated that situation to awaken to something? Something more about who I really am? What if on some higher level, I actually requested this experience so that I could explore a beautiful, powerful, and magnificent part of me that I wasn't aware of before?  Dr. Sue Morter, page 58. 

Sue Morter calls this " The Bus Stop Conversation"  and asks us to picture standing at a bus stop prior to coming to Earth to play our role. We  speak to others about what we are hoping to learn and gain from this upcoming life experience. We might not be specific about the details of our learning adventures but we may choose that it will be difficult and challenging in certian areas so we can learn and expand.  We may also enlist the support and help of others to play parts necessary for our growth. We recognize that we are choosing challenge because we see their  benefit  in this metaphor.  Even if this idea is a bit too whimisical or woo-woo for you ...choosing to entertain it, is a much better option than wallowing in the victim role the ego has you addicted to, isn't it? 

What we think has energy. If we think we are victims to Life ...our energy is low.  If we even entertain that we may be powerful representatives of God, here with an important mission to expand and grow and who in that power- chose to be challenged during this life time...well...the energy rises and we get closer to knowing who we really are.

Simply choosing to believe in the Bus Stop Conversation helps you put your experiences-both the painful and the joyous- in the most empowering context possible and frees you to move forward in the most positive way. page 59

Every moment of our Life is a sadhanna, a spiritual practice.  We are here to expand and connect...not to shrink and suffer.  Remembe that.

All is well. 

Dr. Sue Morter ( 2019) The Energy Codes. Astria: New York

Michael a. singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( April 10, 2025) Life as Your Teacher: Embracing Growth in Every Moment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-zJMyBYdEE&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2&t=11s

You Have an Ego. Handle it!

 Can you learn  to accept reality? Can you handle that you have an ego instead of being your ego?...Start watching it instead of being it.  

"I am in here and I notice I have an ego."

Stop saying [to the ego], "The only way I am okay is when you are okay. "

Letting go and surrender are things you do inside. 

Michael Singer

Hmm! Something to think about. 

Can I handle that I have an ego? 

I am working on handling and dealing.

Can I watch it instead of being it?  

Yes, I think so. I have been watching my ego a lot lately.  I watch it when it feels all vulnerable and threatened, convinced that this 'me' just isn't enough. I watch it telling 'this me' we have to do something to fix ourselves, or fix and control what is out there so it feels better.  I watch it striving to attain ego boosting things like a certain degree of education or qualifications that others can recognize...or measurable outcomes that others can validate as worthy (a book related to what I do or other writings that others might say, "Oh, isn't that good". etc when they read it.)). I watch how it uses words and changes the use of those words in different situations, a bit too careful about how the words will make this "me" look :  when it  tries to redeem itself or create an image of intelligence for some, it uses bigger and fancier words ...when it wants to appear "more relatable" it dumbs down.  (That really surprised me when I noticed that in myself recently. Yuck!)  I watch how it responds to and treats others when it feels like it is getting its needs met: so warm, and open, and loving,  And I watch how it closes down, gets snappy, and cold sometimes when it doesn't get its needs met.  Over the last two days I have been watching how it gets all caught up in itself when it faces certain challenges like intense physical pain. It still can, after all my practice, get all caught up in the lie, "It's all about me."

I observe and am shocked when I see my ego at work and notice how it is still so prevalent in my life.  I often compare myself and my ego to others and wonder. "Is my ego bigger than theirs?" I see the American Idol contestants stepping back to let others shine, even if it means that it might cost them their place in a competition, and I wonder, "Would my ego step back in such a situation?" I see people remaining polite, curteous, and kind to others, even strangers , when they have been put through some gruesome situations and I ask: "Would I be thoughtful enough to say "thank you" if that were me in that situation?"

Can I let go and surrender? 

So, I look at my ego sometimes and I say, "You are a nasty little dude, aren't ya?"  I try to push him (yes I masculinize the ego...no offense lol) down away from my conscious awareness before catching myself, "Nah...I can't stuff or store anymore in there." I sigh and ask instead: 

"How are you and I going to get along?" 

"To begin, you can't run around incognito anymore pretending to be speaking for or representing the higher part of this Self, cuz you aren't? You are the back end of the horse bud!

Next, I have to stop saying, "The only way I will be okay is if you are okay."  That I know now, isn't true.  I do not need to listen to you.  You are, afterall, never going to be okay. You are a bit neurotic and you don't always make sense. It is a very mixed up agenda you have set for us. I can be okay even if you are not okay!

Then I have to stop resisting you.  I have to stop being repulsed by you.  I have to stop reacting by trying to push you back down in the closet whenever I notice you or catch you doing something, pretending like you don't exist. You do exist and I need to notice you...keep an eye on you. Otherwise , you will make a complete mess of this house.

Finally, I have to stop beating you up. You are a part of me and you mean well. Some people would refer to you as the "Protective Personality". You do want to protect this body and mind, you are just a bit mixed up on how to do it. That's all. I need to see your good intentions as I take the reins of this chariot we have been riding on, away from you and give them to the higher Self.  Instead of you educating and directing me...maybe we have to let the "I am" in us do the directing.  What do you think? Well, it doesn't matter what you think does it?

Anyway, bud...looks like we have to let the "I am" take over. "

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( April 8, 2025) You are not your thoughts:From mental noise to inner peace. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wP56tHfI0PA&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Moving from the Addict's "What If?" to the Higher Self's

 Can you do better with your mind?

Michael Singer ( Have this question down in my notes and assume that it comes from him. :))

Most of use the "what if?" question to serve the neurotic ego.  We listen to that part of our personal mind that wants to protect this self concept it convinces us we are. ..and we react to the life circumstances that have happened, are happening, and even to  what could happen... as we respond to the big "What if?".  "What if that mistake I made ten years ago  becomes known by all these people I am talking to now?  What if they all reject me because of it? What if my future is ruined because of it?" 

"What if"...is a dealers tool to get the addict using and to keep the addict using. The dealer will convince the addict that the answer to all their problems lies in the product they offer.  They convince the addict that they, as the dealer, will supply (at cost) what they need to feel safe, peaceful, and happy if they do what is needed. At first...they make access to the drug so easy. Then once the addict is hooked...they make the addict live off of the "What if I can't get what I want and need?" fear. The addict believes the dealer and will do what is ever necessary to get the drug.  The addict appreciates the dealer for leading them to the safety and the high they get in their substance. Then they begin their journey of  craving, seeking, and needing. Feeling so great when the thing is attained and in the system...feeling so sick when it isn't. Always compromising with the dealer, the addict is constantly pulled in this sick relationship.. Each high is only temporary.  It doesn't last.  It is conditional...only fueling this "I want, I need, I crave, I will do anything mentality". The addict lives with the fear, "What if I can't get what I want...what if I get what I don't want ( the pain of withdrawal)". It is a terrible cycle.

Well as Singer reminds us, we are addicted to our minds in the same way the heroin addict is addicted to their drug.  We listen, believe, and move according to the egoic mind's  "What if" mantra. We believe the dealer in our heads that tell us we need certain things in order to be okay...that we need to deny, or resist certain aspects of Life that keep us from feeling good.  The mental dealer convinces us that it knows best and we believe. We live in a perpetual state of "What if I can't get that thing I want to make me feel better inside?"  "What if this or that happens that makes me feel worse inside?" 

We are addicted to our mind and we care more about the thoughts in the mind and this idea we created than we do for our bodies. Michael Singer often uses the example of "Hamilton" to show how men used to dual to the death over an insult to their character-who they thought they were based on some mixed up concept of  "honor".  

We don't have to be addicts. We do not have to listen to the dealers. We should know by now how they tend to lead us into the craving cycle...how anything they offer us is so conditional and temporal...not lasting.  We are not the egoic parts of our mind.  We are not our thoughts. We are not the self-concepts we created.We need to counter the egoic mind's "what if"  with a more positive "what if" coming from the higher part of us.

Huh? 

Right now, as thought addicts, we feel so dependent on the egoic mind for protection. We feel like victims to life and our only option for semblance of control or happiness is to listen to and follow the mixed up directions of our thinking.  We really adhere to the sick "What if's" of the egoic mind. 

Recovery takes time...it will take time to break away from this dependency but in the mean time there might be something we can do.

What if we begin changing that "what if" to something more positive?  What if instead of applying the 'what if'  in front of all the terrible things that could happen to our bodies, or our minds...our self concepts, if Life doesn't behave the way we assume it should... we applied to it some deeper and more life affirming scenario.  What if we began with, "These Life circumstances are exactly what I chose for my growth.  I don't have to listen to any dealers in my mind. I don't have to live in fear of "what if" "

Anyway, I will get back to this in a bit.

All is well in my world.

Dr. Sue Morter. (2019) The Energy Codes. Atria: New York

Michael A. Singer ( April 7, 2025) You Are Not your Thoughts: From Mental Noise to Inner Peace.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wP56tHfI0PA&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Answers from Birds?

 A bird does not sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.

Maya Angelou

I watched the birds for a few minutes when I woke up.  There were flocks of Yellow Grossbeaks, a few Jays and some Chickadees filling the bare trees with their bodies and their song. They seem to intentionally make their appearance obvious to me, some mornings.  

It had snowed last night and their food was covered.  They needed someone to go out and swoop off the snow and refill the feeder.  D. offered to do so.  As he was getting ready, a pair of mourning doves landed on a wire outside my window and I almost swear they were looking in at me trying to tell me something lol. All spring and summer we hear the mournful callings of these lonely birds as they search for their mate ...but this morning I seen two happily sitting together staring in at me. What wisdom were they trying to share with me as I contemplate my own relationship, I wonder. 

All is well!

Falling Back into Resignation or Moving Forward into Power and Acceptance?

 ...we see life as happening to us and believe we can't have an impact. We are completely unaware of ourselves as influencers and creators and therefore feel a strong sense of fatalism and resignation. We believe we are unable to do what we want because of opposing outside forces that seem to be beyond our control. ...We may simply be going through the motions, believing this is what we have to do, because this is the way life is. 

Dr. Sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 28

A pretty gloomy way to start an entry? Maybe...but it is this passage from the book that opened me up. I read it and instantaneously I was shouting out to my cats, (who at this point are very worried about my mental health and therefore my ability to continue to provide them their back scratches, meals and snacks at the times they have me scheduled to do so), "Yes! Yes! Thank you! Thank you!".

You see, there was one word in there that made all the difference...that showed me where I really was on this waking up journey.  

Let me explain ...

Do you remember what it was like to stumble over a very long and complicated math equation...never quite being able to get the answer and not sure what you were doing wrong (well...that was the story of my life when it came to math but..).  You thought you were following all the steps correctly but you just couldn't arrive at the right answer.  Someone comes along and erases all the stuff down to the first or second part of the equation. They show you where you were making your mistake and tell you to start from there...and there is this sense of "aha! I see now."  Well,  it was like Dr. Sue Morter erased this equation I was working on for years down to where I was making the mistake and I can now see a way to the correct answer. How did she do that? She used the word...one word... that pened up the equation for me. What was that word?  Resignation. I read that word and I could suddenly see that I was mixing up "acceptance" with "resignation". That was the one thing that was not letting me move forward.

Acceptance is not Fatalistic Resignation

I do believe in the need for acceptance of Life as She is. I believe we need to open and allow what unfolds in front of us to pass through.  I see so clearly how resistance to what is, is the biggest problem in a human's Life. We need to learn to let go and accept! That acceptance, that allowing, that embracing Life without resistance is not, however, the same as fatalistic resignation. I was confusing the two. I was thinking I was advancing quite far  in this living equation because I seemed to be resigning to whatever Life threw my way  but no matter how hard I worked at this equation doing it this way, there was never any  proverbial check marks or gold stars...just a lot of "Try again". I couldn't get past the sense of  "suffering". 

Why? Because I was resigning to this tagline:

"Life is happening to me, and I have no control over it. This is just the way life is." page 28 

I became aware that was confusing the beautiful power of acceptance with victimhood and giving up. That meant realizing that I was not as advanced on this journey as I thought I was.   I thought I was especially advanced because I had recognized my attempts at redeeming the "little me/ ego/ or what Sue Morter calls, "The Protective Personality" as being fruitless and counterproductive to my mission. So, I gave that up. I didn't, however, give up my sense of helplessness. I was not going to arrive at the correct answer the way I was going. I see how necessary it is to come back to this point before I can go farther. 

Three Stages: Victimhood, Self- Help, and Creatorship.

You see, Sue Morter explains that there are three stages to waking up (to answering this big life equation) . Two stages are on the back side of a coin and one is on the front side. The first stage, on the back side,  is called "Victimhood" and is centered around this fatalistic resignation and what I see as "learned helplessness". It is a stage of languishing and "stuckness" where I am realizing I still am. Sigh.

The second stage, on the back side of the coin, is the "Self-help" stage.  This is a stage where I spent most of my life trying to redeem my little self ...

"Instead of being resigned victims we get the idea that something could change; we could be happier or healthier or more respected and honored. "...if we do this or that and keep working hard. 

Sure, Life is still happening to us in this stage ...but we convince ourselves if we work really hard we can fix it and us.  We feed and build the ego here.  I see this as the stage where "Redeemer Ego" flourishes and we have a psuedo sense of approaching success (which is peace, freedom, happiness)...never quite get it and if we do it is conditional and short lived...but hope pulls us along. It is a very problem centered stage. It is also a stage of resisting what is. 

So, I realized somewhere along the line that stage two is not the stage to be in.  I realized I didn't want to feed an ego.  I also realized that resistance was not the way to go.  I knew acceptance of what is was the true way to go. I didn't, however, recognize this truth as a powerful high energy human.  I still don't completely. My mind keeps telling me that Life is still happening to me and I believe it.  So instead of moving into acceptance of what is in a state of free flowing shakti recognizing its power (which is stage 3 of the coin on the front side), I slipped back into stage one mistakenly thinking I was moving on because I was accepting Life. I was settling into a limited experience of helplessness again. Peace...in the form of a certain freedom from at least some of the suffering... was my polestar. I was not accepting Life as it is from a state of realizing who I truly was.  I was slipping back into a state of resignation as a powerless victim and using some of those tools I learned in stage 2 to "make the best of it". Sure, there is less angst here, less resistance and struggle than there was the first time I was here, or than there was in stage 2...but there is still a sense of suffering and a "life struggle". I am not touching shakti. I haven't solved the equation.  And I won't here. 

Not Yet There

Sigh. That was a big realization for me. There are times I conceptually and intellectually step into the third stage. I see a melting away of my 'Protective Personality', albeit slowly. I do accept  the circumstances of my life and find myself less and less labelling them as "good/bad; right/wrong/ or should/ should not be." I do often find myself in profound gratitude for life and all its mysteries. I know that I am not my mind or body....but...

I lack the trust and faith that Life has my back. I don't embody or holistically ascribe to the tagline:

"Everything that happens in my life is always in my favor, and I created it on some higher level of my own consciousness for the purpose of discovering my own magnificence." page 32

I have yet to get to this point:

...we must go beyond knowing intellectually that we are energy or spirit, and actually embody our energetic or spiritual nature. We must literally bring our energy to life in the physical body and identify as that energy. page 32

My life doesn't yet  reflect this knowing.  There is some stuck and twisted up energy reflecting itself in my circumsatnces. I need to switch out the resignation for a higher energy form of acceptance. I see that now.

I am grateful to have the top part of my equation erased so I can see where I have erred.  It is good to be honest with ourselves and to recognize and know where we are at, so we can take the next best step on to the right path to where we want to be.

All is well.

Dr. Sue Morter ( 2019) The Energy Codes.  New York: Astria.

What I learned from a Michael Singer Podcast

 

You are a being of Light!...It is not mystical! It is real!

Michael Singer

OMG ! I loved when I heard Michael Singer begin his podcast today by saying that he didn't like  the "Law of Attraction." I knew instantly ...I would get something from this video. I knew it would speak to this that I am beyond the "me" today.  And it was exactly what I needed to fall back a little farther, away from ego,  into this "I am".

I discovered recently that my awakening process, albeit a slow one lol, involves the use of my intellectual mind. For some reason, I cannot just "feel" truth ...I have to understand it and know it first. Words, concepts, teachings  are a part of that process for me. (Not sure if that is because I spent so much of my life learning in and out of the educational system or because I spent so much of my life teaching in one way or another). As limiting as these things might be they are pointers to a greater truth within me that can only be felt and experienced. So, I bombard myself with these pointers...seeking, seeking; finding teachers who make sense to me...and then filtering teachers and teachings from my life experience as I process the direction these pointers are taking me. I am very selective. 

Though I begin with concepts I don't follow the pointers unless "I feel" what is being said, unless it resonates with something within me.  When a concept, idea, or teaching resonates in me...I feel and I experience it viscerally.  When I have an "aha moment", learning something I already knew but forgot, I  literally vibrate a bit from my solar plexus outward.  It makes sense to my gut brain I guess. I find myself straightening up saying to the air in front of me, "Yes!  Yes! Thank you! Thank You!" 

As I was listening to Michael Singer this morning, I felt that vibration. For sure...he is a teacher for this that I am beyond the "me". I knew that from the first chapter of "The Untethered Soul".  I guess his intellectual and practical approach matches my intellectual and practical approach.  I feel we are on the same wave length, if that doesn't make me sound 'grandiose'. Still, I know he 'teaches' me from a place I have yet to touch, because I have so many "aha moments" with him....that lead me closer to that place. Today was one of those days where I fell  back a little deeper into the "I am". 

 I also felt a twinge of that 'spark'...if you want to call it that... the other day when I was listening to Dr. Sue Morter speak to Andre Duqum in a podcast. I found myself on my feet shouting, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you!  Thank you! Thank you!" My cats thought I was crazy. I could feel that vibration in my gut...that feeling so much like 'hope' but more powerful and less ego related. I orderd her book.

I was getting ready to "test the teacher" like I did with so many others. At the same time I heard Michael Singer say, "Why do you want to play with energies. If you can't handle your life now, how are you going to handle all that energy flowing through you?" (or something like that.) I felt myself questioning and cautious. Still, I was going to test the teaching and teacher by reading the book. 

My practical intellectual mind has to be convinced first.  So, as I began to read I found this mind soothed by the great writing, the clear articulaton of concepts, and the teaching itself. I began to underline. I underlined and underlined and underlined stuff that clicked. I began to "feel" the truth of what she was saying. It wasn't new stuff...just a new approach to understanding it.  I even had an "aha moment" that cleared up sooo much confusion I have had about something for so long. ( I will share in another entry). I felt my belly vibrating and myself saying to the air, "Yes! Yes! Thank you! Thank You!"

What cemented it for me was when I opened up Michael Singer's podcast today and he was speaking to the same thing I was reading in the book. Serendipity! It was like a sign from him and/or the universe, if you will, saying, "It's okay! This teaching and teacher are okay! They showed up exactly when you needed them to for a reason.  They will take you a step deeper away from ego and into Self ( Soulful Self). " 

And I am filled with this "hope-like " feeling again.

Spoiler Alert!!

Wow! Anyway I am just going to quote, summarize, and paraphrase  what I heard in the podcast today.  Please listen to the podcast for yourself before you go on any farther! 

Michael Singer began by introducing the "law of attraction" and his feelings about it.  Then he relayed two stories of serendipity. 

The first story: Michael Kane wanted to read from a very rare book instead of a script for a part he was playing in a school play. (The play was written from this book). He was looking for the book everywhere in London, going from store to store, and couldn't find it. It was very rare. One day, after an exhausting search, he went down to the subway station waiting for the tube. He sat down on a bench and looked down and there was the exact  book he was looking for. 

The second story: In 1973, Michael Singer picked up a hitch hiker in his VW van and took him quite a distance.  On the drive they spoke about the picture of Yogananda Singer had on his dash. Eventually, the hitch hiker was dropped off .  A decade or so later Michael Singer had to travel to Boston for work.  Hungry, because he hadn't eaten all day, he found himself that evening searching through Harvard alley for a vegan restaurant...He searched and searched but there didn't seem to be any food options that would meet his needs...until out of nowhere he looked down an aisle to see a sign "Today's special brown rice and vegetables" . He went there and was served by a fellow who for some reason kept staring at him. At the end of the evening the man approached and asked if he was "Mickey Singer". (At this point Michael Singer would not have been known to the public as he is now). When Singer said yes, the man proceeded to tell him that he was the guy he had picked up in 1973. He told him that he was in a very dark place during that drive but after their discussion on Yogananda, he had gone on to purchase "An Autobiography of a Yogi" and that it had saved his life. 

So, the rest of the following is what I gathered from listening to the podcast. He seemed to be saying that the law of attraction is real; it isn't mystical; but we can't use it to serve ego. He then went on to say there is so much we cannot see but that doesn't mean it isn't there...

"This is not the only plane"...

It is an infinite universe...our instruments are just limited in what they can measure. ...we cannot see past the electromagnetic spectrum with our tools...but there has to be other planes...they are just more subtle

Sri Baba could manifest piles of ash from an empty jar, reciting to those who witnessed... " I will give you what you want...a miracle...so you give me what I want...your ego." 

Most of us are taking the infinite spaciousness of consciousness and staring at little me stuff...we are contracting it...

Stop staring at you, you start to feel more of the universe...you are a part of it." 

Stop staring at your stuff. 

Most of us are married to the physical plane so we dont feel the higher energies...we dont feel the shakti...that energy is higher than the physical plane 

There are four forces science talks about: gravity, electromagnetism, strong nuclear force,  and weak nuclear force....but there is also another force science doesn't talk about "will power"...volition...which is also capable of changing the physical plane by using a power higher than the physical plane.

You are a being of light!

Healers don't do the healing...they get out of the way so the high energy can come through.

"It is not mystical!"  It is physics and meta physics...we just do not have the instruments to measure it yet

There is God manifest and God unmanifest. The field before it vibrated/manifested is the unmanifest God  ...Brahman...With the vibration "Om" It becomes God manifest. Yogis knew this long before science did. They understood the ripple, the vriti....that all matter comes from a vibration on the stillness. Then quantum physics discovered the same thing at Cern...

Man minus mind=God...Meher Baba

When you stop staring at yourself there is God...

It is just different vibration rates and consciousness is the cause of the vibration

It is all God...including you

What is the quantum field?  God!

There is nothing higher than consciousness.

Most of us live off our ego.

Humility is not something you make yourself be...

Liberation is not having a big ego...it is about not staring at your ego.

Freedom in not freedom for your self...it is freedom from yourself.

Even scientists answer the question "What was there before the big bang?"...The universe is infinite...was and always will be...

There is law of manifestation and law of attraction? Yes it works but be careful...

If we operate from ego...we attract something the ego feels it is missing. We use it to build ego...

The cause of every single thing that is what is wrong on this plane is becasue of the ego...

Seek thee first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all these things will be added on to you..Matthew 6:33.

Don't seek from the ego

A great being has no hopes and dreams.

There are no psychological needs ...we just believe there is...

You have been gifted with a mind and that which comes into it without your effort...we don't think...thoughts come in...

You have everything but screwed self up by not appreciating it...

The truth of the matter is you are a great being but you dont feel like it because you are limiting your Self by staring at your ego

Recognize and appreciate all that you are.

Wake up! You are way greater than this...

No one sees what you see...the meaning of your life is to offer this unique perspective to consciousness

These things you call mystical are real....

Be the one who notices it, instead of the one that says "I  have to chnage it." 

That is what real power is about....the power to accept.

Anyway this was the podcast I "felt" and "experienced" today. 

All is well!

Michael A. Singer ( April, 2025) Beyond the Law of Attraction: The True Nature of Reality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NhbJkRmZys

Exploring "The Energy Codes"

 Since the beginning of our days on earth, we humans have looked for ways to engage with our true, limitless nature as spiritual beings (our Soul or Soulful Self) and transcend the small, limited, fearful, and pain-riddle identity (our ego, or Protective Personality) where we spend so much of our lives. 

Dr. Sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 5.

Hmm!.  Taking a bit of caution with me as I explore the question, "Do I want to play with these energies within me.  And if I do, who exactly is "qualified" to guide me?" ...I am beginning to read and study "The Energy Codes".

I am not sure if I will go beyond "looking into" this methodology. I am not sure the author is "qualified" ...but I am willing to read and explore what she has to say with an open mind. So far she seems intelligent, articulate, and wise...her writing is tight and succinct. I like what she has to say and I like how she says it. We will see.

All is well. 

Seeking the Unspeakable

Seeking the Unspeakable

I have been seeking some form of satori for many years.  Not for the high, high energy flows, the Siddhis or even the Bliss....I was just looking for peace. 

Still...I have been looking into yoga energy in hope of having it clean me out. I thought, "Hmm...it would be so cool to be free of all this junk in me, to be at peace all the time, no matter what is going on.  Satori might help with that." 

Well, Michael A. Singer made a statement from the below video that left me thinking and understanding that what I really want from this state is "escape" from this world as I know it.  I am seeking a way out of this "what isness" this human I call me is experiencing because it is often too uncomfortable for the psyche. 

He asked something to the effect.

"How are you going to handle all those high energy flows if you can't even handle  this everyday stuff?"

That made me think and agree. That is what brought me once again from Yoga to contemplation of the Buddhist philosophy.

Spirituality isn't about escaping "what is".  It is about embracing it. We find peace in that.

What is it like to have satori?

It is like ordinary everyday except  about two inches off the ground. (D.T. Suzuki)

..marvelous power and supernatural activity...drawing water and carrying wood (Layman Pang)

What is Zen?

When hungry eat...when tired...sleep.

The goal of action is contemplation. Alan Watts

Hmm!

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( March, 2025) Mastering Life: The Art of Handling Everything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlNkggVrXGM&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

T.H. Inspiration. (October, 2024) Alan Watts for When You Need to Stop Thinking.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVerqpMjYYg

Handling It?

 You either handle Life or you don't handle Life.

Most of us are not trying to deal with reality. We are trying to feel better and are doing whatever we can to make it feel better in here.  We use defense mechanisms...we push away, avoid, deny, repress, suppress, displace, project etc etc....we resist!

Spiritual growth is all about learning to handle it.

All is well

Michael A. Singer ( March, 2025) Mastering Life: The Art of Handling Everything.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlNkggVrXGM

The Unthreatened

 You are the light of the world.

Matthew 5:14

Eckrt Tolle began his video today quoting this famous phrase from A Course in Miracles:

 Nothing real can be threatened; 

Nothing unreal exists; 

Herein lies the peace of God. 

There is only one thing ( if you want to use the word 'thing') that is omnipotent. There is only one 'thing' in Life, as we know it, that is real...and that is God.  Knowing that brings peace. 

Are we not real? The only real thing about us, as human beings, is our consciousness. Is the "being" part of that noun we use to describe who we are. Being , however, is a verb, not a noun.

As Alan Watts said:

You are a function of what the whole Universe is doing, in the same way that a wave is what the whole ocean is doing. 

So we, as consciousness, are functions of the universe. We are living representations of Life...of God.

So this consciousness in me, is it God? The answer to that, according to Eckhart Tolle, is "yes and no".

Is the light of the sun...the sun itself? Yes and no...it is an enemation of sun.

Is the light of God (consciousness) God? Yes and no...it is an enemation of God.

Be the light in you. Don't diminish that light. Don't hide that light away out of a fear it will be harmed.  It can't be threatened. 

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle (March, 2025) Your Indestructible Essence with Eckhart Tolle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c6ZAa4o6CI&t=9s

The Walk of Shame

As we let go of egoic consciousness guilt disappears [and is replaced with wisdom].

Eckhart Tolle

I grew up in a very strict Catholic household.  I was raised to be guilty and to expect punishment for every mistake I made or for every mistake my ancestors made. Heck, I was conditioned to believe that I was a terrible sinner no matter what I did or didn't do (for things I didn't even know I did...for just breathing maybe) and that in order to escape the fiery depths of Hell after I died as retribution for my "sinful nature"...I had to make my life a walking  penance.  It was like doing the "Walk of Shame" from the Game of Thrones everyday. ( Which, by the way, I actually walked down in September when I was visiting Dubrovnik...so cool.)

Well...of course that wasn't the healthiest conditioning lol. There are probably more catholics on  the proverbial "couch" seeking healing than any other demographic for that reason. We grow up believing we are bad and worthy of shame.  "Shameful sinner" becomes our identify and that leads to a deeply entrenched sense of unworthiness for anything but punishment. This type of upbringing creates shamed based personalities or what I refer to as very strong shamer egos and therefore strong redeemer egos. It creates big egos in general. Egos that judge, not only the self harshly, but others harshly too. 

I decided to raise my own children differently. Yes, I brought them up as Catholics ..(I thought somewhere in my psyche that I or they would go to Hell if I didn't)...but... I enforced the belief in them they were "not sinners".  That they were, in fact, not what they do and others were not what they did.  I taught them to seperate deed from doer. I taught them to look at mistakes and misguided actions as just lapses in consciousness. I taught them not to beat themselves or others up for those unwholesome things that are done that hurt others or self but to learn and grow from them. 

Hmm! They couldn't escape all the conditioning, I knew,  but I was determined not to be part of the establishment of any such destructive core beliefs in them. 

I also taught them, when they expressed feelings of shame and guilt, that these were toxic and unnecessary emotions.  I tried to teach them to look at the situation with eyes of wisdom, to make the unconsciousness of their actions...conscious... so they could see that it is not wise to hurt others or self.  I encouraged them to reflect on and feel the pain of the others that were hurt...so that they didn't repeat that action again.  

So often in my life after making less than wise choices, as I am sure  many of you have as well...I heard this toxic statement, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" I identified as a bad person who deserved to walk in shame.  I still live with that in me. 

 I did not want my children to live like that.  I wanted them to take accountability for what they did,  to feel "sorry" for what they did...but not ashamed. 

"What you did might have been  'bad, or wrong' ", I would tell them, "but you aren't bad or wrong. Make better choices next time."

I am not sure what good that did...if any :) This is ultimately their journey and they need to deal with their own interpretations of shame, guilt and worthiness.  I still make it known, however, that I  don't feel any of us have to do that "Walk of Shame" Cersei did. We do, though, have to take accountability and responsibility for the consequences of all our actions, thoughts, or words as we learn and grow. This is wisdom, not guilt.

My actions are my only true belongings. They are the ground upon which I stand.  I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. The Fifth Remembrance

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle (March 2025) Eckhart Tolle on Replacing Guilt with Wisdom.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kDA3CN-hco

Teacher Testing

Those who know, do.  Those who understand, teach.

Aristotle

Another potential teacher has come into my view. Whenever I receive a resonating message from someone else...a teacher....  I love and absorb the message but man...do I put the teacher under the microscope...especially if they say they had a transcendent experience.  I really want to know if they can be trusted as the carrier of a certain potential truth.

First...I look for intelligence. I want to know that they have the capacity to truly understand what they are expressing and calling truth. Then, I look to see how what they teach merges with science or with plain practical wisdom.  Can what  they are teaching and what they say  about what they experienced be validated?  I also look to see what backgrounds they come from.  From there I ask what is motivating their teaching: Ego with selfish, possibly narcissitic needs, or the Deeper Self that has a genuine desire to assist humanity? Then I ask how does all this resonate with what I already "know"? 

Well, when I put a teacher through this mental testing not all teachers pass. Some have seemed so intelligent  until I actually bought or read their books and I realized they were teaching something they truly did not understand enough to teach. I gave up on those teachers.  Others wrote right over my head...using intellectual jargon that made me feel "dumb" and confused....it seemed it was almost on purpose.  I said "adios" to those teachers.  

If there isn't enough connection to science ( quantum physics or yogic science mostly)  or practical wisdom (like Buddhism) in their teaching, I say "No...not for me." ( I tend to gravitate to a Buddhist, yogic, or quantum physics undertone.) That is a "tester bias"  on my part :).

  I walk away from teachers who put down...condemn...or say other teachers or fields of thought are "bad, wrong, shouldn't be." Like if they are against physicians or against natural medicine; if they are proscience, anti-"woo-woo" or all "woo-woo", anti-science; if they are against the spiritual practices of others; or if they don't teach to a holistic approach ...that emcompasses it all, is open to it all....then it is "Nope." They need to show me that they understand that "there are many paths to the same destination."

 When they fail my "Is what they say true?" question, I am out of there! That is a big one for me. How do I know they are telling the truth? How do I test what they say as truth?  Is there validation, research, evidence for what they deem as truth? Science helps with that one...do they offer scientific evidence? Do they seem honest and authentic? How do they describe the experience they had? Are there loop holes? Does it sound realistic and sincere?

What is their background?  I like to know how people got to the point they are teaching this stuff. If I find out that they were once 'struggling' actors who never got far (no offense to actors), hypnotists, performers of some kind, the kind of people seeking fame or fortune, people who once had large cult followings, or had any history of "conning" others...I will automatically step back look deeper into what they have to say about who they are. That is a warning for me of a possible cult leader potential. As soon as I suspect something akin to cult leadership, I stay away from that teacher and more than likely their teaching.

I love it when the potential teachers have a purely science background and from there, are now exploring  non materialistic concepts like "consciousness". What kind of ridicule and opposition did they meet in expressing themselves openly with these ideas they are now teaching? They must really believe them and be courageous professors  of the truth in such cases. If they have a "M.D.". behind their name , I am especially intrigued because those two initials encapsulate a very finite, materialstic mindset...one that is hard to get passed. If they get passed that, well, maybe what they have to say is more authentic. It will likely also contain science to some degree. I feel an authentic purpose in those who challenge the established scientific view. 

I have a hard time with others who promote the "Doctor" before their name though. I see that as a gimmick.  I often find that this "Doctor" that modern society would see as belonging to an allopathic practictioner, is actually used by those with a phD or who are practicing natural medicine...like naturopaths or chiropractors in the promotion of their teachings. Sure...they can all be called  doctors. I have no problem with them using that title....they go to school long enough.   It is just another concept, after all...but I do believe that title is often used to gain trust from a potential audience knowing how society still tends to revere allopathic medicine. It is a little promotional trick that bothers me. Come right out and tell the audience you are a chiropractor or naturopath...don't leave that specification muddy. 

It is funny that allopathic teachers often do not refer to themselves as doctors when they promote their teachings...look at Deepak Chopra, Gabor Mate, and David Hawkins...to name a few.  (Maybe, they leave that "Doctor" out because of the scrunity they would receive from their community?) The background of natural medicine, on the other hand, doesn't require such a leap of faith into teaching these things. These practitioners  have already been immersed into these ideas. They do not risk the scrunity of their communities.  And, sadly, they are probably already used to confronting the biases from conventional medicine.  I do not like it at all, either, when conventional medicine refers to such practices as "quakery" .  That would turn me off from a teacher pretty quickly.

What is motivating the potential teacher's teaching? Is it the Deeper Self or is it ego?  Is it a sincere desire to help humanity? Or is it a desire to help themselves? Are they doing this to get rich and famous? Are they charging a lot of money for their teaching material? How much money are they making? How many "Rolls Royces" do they own? How are they living? Not that anyone has to give away their work...no, no,no...but they need to make it accessible to all.  If only the rich and elite can afford your teachings, what about the rest of humanity you are professing to want to reach? Who is really benefitting from that? And of course...if you are blessed with abundance as an "added on"... enjoy it...but...continue to assist the less fortunate with your blessings...Is that being done? This teaching can not be a "business" in the mind of the teacher, for me to adhere to it.  It has to be an honest vocation with the intention of serving humanity...not little self.

I really watch for the ego in teachers when they are speaking. Are they all "I,I,I...me, me, me"? Are they preaching, "This is the way it is...listen to me"? or are they open to the possibility that they might not be right...that they don't know everything? If they have to be right and go on like they know everything... then there is a problem.  They won't keep my attention. I like to hear a questioning tone in the teacher's speech. I like it when a teacher embraces the questions of their students...embraces skeptical doubt and fills their answers with "maybe" rather than false certainty. The greatest teacher, I believe, is one that openly realizes that they do not know but they too are on the journey to understand. 

The most important thing is...how do they and what they have to say resonate inside me when I listen. How do I feel and respond at a visceral level when I am listening?  I mean, I am aware that some people have charsisma...a personality that is very attractive to other personalities and that can draw people in.  I try to look beyond their personality and see how that "essence",if you will, is impacting whatever this is that exists beyond my personality.  Do I hear and feel the truth of both their message and of them?  If I don't "feel it",  I won't listen.

No teacher out there is going to pass all of my testing criteria.  Nor, should they ever want to. Who the he%& am I to test anyone? There is no perfect teacher in human form because there is no perfect person. All of us will have some lingering form of ego attached to us until we die...I see some form of ego in all the people I listen to. I know there is a "human" that preceeds the "being" in all of us. So, I ask, "Is their essence more dominant than their ego? What is coming through when they are teaching? Where is that coming from...a place of superficiality and regurgitated knowledge? Or from a place of deeper wisdom? " 

I need to feel the "Ultimate Truth" working through that human being it is using. What they say and who they are need to resonate with this Truth already in this human being I call "me" for me to want to listen. 

You will know who embodies what resonates to me because I will often quote them or refer to their teachings here.  It is obvious that the tecahings of ancient Masters like Christ, the Buddha, Socrates, Plato, Yogananda, Patanjali and Vivekananda etc resonate with me.  Teachers like Thich Nhat Hanh,  Eckhart Tolle, Michael Singer, Pema Chodron, and Deepak Chopra and others to some degree have passed my testing enough for me to settle into their teachings. You will hear me reciting them or referring to them often here. 

How will this new potential teacher fit in to my listening practice? I don't know yet...They definitely do not pass all my testing criteria but I have a good feeling about them. I will read what they have written and I will keep exploring what they have to say and how they say it. 

I am open to all teachers and all teachings but they do have to pass the ego scraping test before I commit. :) This is, I hope, what you are doing as you read anything I have written or listen to anything I might have said. Even if I am not here to be your teacher, my goal is to point you in the direction of the only truely reliable teacher there is...that Truth within yourself. Be your own teacher, as I am ultimately mine.

The best teachers are those who tell you where to look, but don't tell you what to see.

Alexandra K. Trenfor

All is well. 

From the Horse's Mouth

This is what I learned from listening to Andre Paqum's interview with Dr. Sue Morter.

Our job is not to feel good.  Our job is to get good at feeling. (Andre quoting someone)

Suffering is the cost of admission to this illusion of seperation. (Andre quoting someone)

Drop back into the deep sense of feeling that will lead to healing.

Ask the questions: How does it feel in your body? Build a library of felt sensation and experience.

Where in my body can I let energy feel more freely?

We become  a part of something rather than a part from it. 

The body's intelligence can do its thing when it is given permission to so.  

In the mind of genuises, we find once more, our own neglected thoughts.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

The body is the translator between the infinite possibility and what we think is possible.

Mind knows it is here to serve something greater than itself but when we identify with the mind...the mind creates a story and identifies with that.

Mind, body and breath...life force energy...need to be re-integrated.

The breath is a bridge...the breath makes healthier regulation of all systems

One eye on the inside and one eye on the path...

Allow the quantum flow to flow

The solar plexus is the seat of the mental body.

The area below the navel is the seat of the feeling.

Who was I before I needed scientific]evidence?

We need to root to rise. Anchor self into body and breathe deeper into the earth because it is an extension of us. 

[Unlike the mind]The body always tells the truth.  It isn't delusional.

Don't ask why.  Ask where.

Get busy not being so busy and begin really feeling into what is true for you. 

...becoming that which is filling the vessel

The cause of all human suffering is a perspective issue

...operating as a soliution on the planet rather than as another survivor

Love is the universal solvent...it isn't a sentiment.  It is a realm. It is a reality.  There is a version of life that is based in 

...the breath of loving presence...the appreciation of this moment. 

Notice the beauty of Life. the knowingness of the beauty that is here...the unfolding of the miracle that is upon us

What matters is the vibration of devotion...when the heart and mind are working together.

As close to the actual words as I could get.  :) It is all good!

Andre Paqum/ Know Thyself Podcast. ( March 2025) How to Awaken the Body's Energy Field. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0TWCSEPl3A

The "Splat" from the Inside Out

We do not need to connect with the essential true Self inside, we just need to allow ourselves to be it...

There is a vibration that resonates your true essential self when you are not interfering or interupting.

Dr. Sue Morter

Serendipity...serendipity...serendipity...ahh...serendipity...

Yesterday, I wrote about the realization I had that we have to change our spiritual process. Instead of peeling the onion of false selves away from the outer layers to get at the core, the True Self, we as these outer layers we identify as need to let the True Self simply emerge from the center of who we are.  We as  bodies and psyches= "little mes", need to step out of the way and stop interfering with consciousness attempting to do Its thing. 

So that was on my mind as I was flicking through the Youtube channels looking for something positive to watch before going off to bed. I was visualizing Self/ Soul/ Atman in the middle of a circle with body, mind, and energy at the periphery of that circle.

Then I came across an Andre Duqum podcast with Dr. Sue Morter as the guest. Within a few minutes I was standing on my feet shouting "Yes!  Yes!  That is what I'm talking about!!!"  

I have never heard of this woman prior to that podcast but everything she said resonated in the deepest core of me. What she said touched not only my intellectual mind, but also that mind beyond the mind. 

What did she say?

Her work is in bioenergy, teaching how to utilize and move the energy in the body that is meant to flow through us but so often is blocked from doing so, causing us to lead unfilling lives. 

Huh? 

From what I understand...

It is like we (a Mind, Body, Soul Combo) plop down into this incarnation with a big splat. (Like the  circle I was envisioning but in a messy form. Ironically, "splat" was also a word I added to my EAL presentation yesterday and I had been repeating it over and over again because I liked the sound of it.)  Mind and body, flow out from the center of who we are. They pool and stay on the outer periphery of that big splat...trying to make sense of the external world they are seeping into. The senses pick up the info from the outside world and the mind attempts to make sense of it.  Soul stays in the center. 

Consciousness or Sat Chit Ananda...the amazing light energy we are, waits to find the opportune time to come down into the soul to manifest  through us. This omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient energy is meant to come in from the top of the head...pour in all the way down to where we are now rooted in the earth...and  then rise up and out of us like a fountain into the world, thusly  impacting everything around us.

Why don't we experience this blissful consciousness?

Our awareness, as we focus on mind and body in the periphery, is stuck in survival mode. The external world we are touching and picking up with our senses is so threatening and we are busy trying to figure it all out. Safety and survival become the priority. The mind needs 'certainty' in order to focus its forces...even if it is certain of something terrible...As long as it is certain about something it feels secure. So perception is colored, often negatively.  We close to much of it and only take in a tiny bit of the data we have the capability of  experiencing. We get stuck here and become identified with the body and mind in this surival mode as being who we are.  It is "so in our face", it is all we see and 'know' at the intellectual level. We forget that there is a soul in the center of this splat...we lose contact with our true essential Self. 

Intellectually, after so much time suffering in this mind, body, survival mode...we may decide to leave the periphery and go deeper in to this splat to discover its Center. When we leave from here we bring our dependency on sensory input with us, we drag along our egos and our psyches-our limiting self concepts. We bring along our attachment to the external world...our desires and our aversions.  We bring along this habitual need we developed to "do" and "fix".  What we do, then, is get in the way of the natural flow of this divine energy. We interupt and interfere,  preventing it from naturally cleansing all that is in Its way and  just coming through us . 

We ...as a self concept...as an overidentification with body and mind...need to get out of the way with our interuptions and interferences. We need to allow the soul and what it is inputing from universal consciousness to just flow through us and into the world.  Not just for our sake but for the entire world's.

Consciousness is an energy that is the foundation of the entire world. 

Looks like I will be buying another book.  I still use my intellectual mind to take me to the  Vijnanamaya kosha in hope that it will help me to transcend even that. Maybe if these teachings help to unlock me, it will be the last book I will need. :)

All is well. 

Andre Duqum/ Know Thyself Podcast (March, 2025) How to Awaken the Body's Energy Field...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0TWCSEPl3A

Dr. Sue Morter ( November, 2024) Unlocking Your Energy Bodies.https://drsuemorter.com/blog/videos-2/