The Walk of Shame

As we let go of egoic consciousness guilt disappears [and is replaced with wisdom].

Eckhart Tolle

I grew up in a very strict Catholic household.  I was raised to be guilty and to expect punishment for every mistake I made or for every mistake my ancestors made. Heck, I was conditioned to believe that I was a terrible sinner no matter what I did or didn't do (for things I didn't even know I did...for just breathing maybe) and that in order to escape the fiery depths of Hell after I died as retribution for my "sinful nature"...I had to make my life a walking  penance.  It was like doing the "Walk of Shame" from the Game of Thrones everyday. ( Which, by the way, I actually walked down in September when I was visiting Dubrovnik...so cool.)

Well...of course that wasn't the healthiest conditioning lol. There are probably more catholics on  the proverbial "couch" seeking healing than any other demographic for that reason. We grow up believing we are bad and worthy of shame.  "Shameful sinner" becomes our identify and that leads to a deeply entrenched sense of unworthiness for anything but punishment. This type of upbringing creates shamed based personalities or what I refer to as very strong shamer egos and therefore strong redeemer egos. It creates big egos in general. Egos that judge, not only the self harshly, but others harshly too. 

I decided to raise my own children differently. Yes, I brought them up as Catholics ..(I thought somewhere in my psyche that I or they would go to Hell if I didn't)...but... I enforced the belief in them they were "not sinners".  That they were, in fact, not what they do and others were not what they did.  I taught them to seperate deed from doer. I taught them to look at mistakes and misguided actions as just lapses in consciousness. I taught them not to beat themselves or others up for those unwholesome things that are done that hurt others or self but to learn and grow from them. 

Hmm! They couldn't escape all the conditioning, I knew,  but I was determined not to be part of the establishment of any such destructive core beliefs in them. 

I also taught them, when they expressed feelings of shame and guilt, that these were toxic and unnecessary emotions.  I tried to teach them to look at the situation with eyes of wisdom, to make the unconsciousness of their actions...conscious... so they could see that it is not wise to hurt others or self.  I encouraged them to reflect on and feel the pain of the others that were hurt...so that they didn't repeat that action again.  

So often in my life after making less than wise choices, as I am sure  many of you have as well...I heard this toxic statement, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" I identified as a bad person who deserved to walk in shame.  I still live with that in me. 

 I did not want my children to live like that.  I wanted them to take accountability for what they did,  to feel "sorry" for what they did...but not ashamed. 

"What you did might have been  'bad, or wrong' ", I would tell them, "but you aren't bad or wrong. Make better choices next time."

I am not sure what good that did...if any :) This is ultimately their journey and they need to deal with their own interpretations of shame, guilt and worthiness.  I still make it known, however, that I  don't feel any of us have to do that "Walk of Shame" Cersei did. We do, though, have to take accountability and responsibility for the consequences of all our actions, thoughts, or words as we learn and grow. This is wisdom, not guilt.

My actions are my only true belongings. They are the ground upon which I stand.  I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. The Fifth Remembrance

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle (March 2025) Eckhart Tolle on Replacing Guilt with Wisdom.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kDA3CN-hco