A Moment of Clarity

 

...this is where we see life as happening to us and believe we cant have any impact.  We are completely unaware of ourselves as influencers or creators and therefore feel a strong sense of fatalism and resignation. ...we don't even know we are unhappy, or that there is an otherway to be. We may simply be going through the motions, believeing that this is what we have to do, because this is the way life is.

Dr Sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 28

I had a brief spontaneous moment yesterday where I lived and experienced life as someone who truly felt worthy. It hit me in the grocery store, of all places, out of nowhere. I found myself smiling and talking openly  to others...loving them without any concern of what they might have thought of me. People seemed to come to me, smile or talk and be loving to me. I was happy and in love with the world and everyone in it. I also felt very confident...aware that I did indeed have special gifts to share with others and that those gifts are being  and will be received well. It felt that my presence on earth mattered...that I was adding light to the world. I had absolutely no fear or worry about the future. There was this deep internal sense that things were working out in my favour. I was filled with a positivity I had not experienced for so long, if at all. There was  this invisible and inexplicable external validation of my worth overcoming me, that somehow washed  away, for a moment, a deeply entrenched personal mind core belief that was the total oppposite of this feeling.   

I was also instantly aware, in that moment of positivity, the contrast between what I was feeling then and what I spent most of my life experiencing prior to that moment.  I could see so clearly  how that  deep core belief of unworthiness I had been clinging to and had surpressed so deeply to the point of unawareness of it... led to a negative mindset that had me expecting and waiting, almost every moment, for the worse to happen. It impacted my life tremendously ...affecting how I saw myself and therefore how this self moved around in the world. That clarity was astounding!

It all happened so fast and it was like, "Wow! WTF- front door?" 

It didn't last long. This feeling came on its own and it left on its own.  I tried to figure out what brought it on. It wasn't prompted by any real external trigger or situation. I worried for a second about any 'ego stroking' I might  might have received, different from anything else I receive. I thought about some externally prompted  inspiration, and the illusionary and weak pull of "hope" being the cause of it.  On reflection,  however, I realize that it wasn't external. This felt experience was coming from within. 

Though it left fairly quickly too...the clarity didn't. I knew then that I had to look into this toxic core belief within me that had been "ruining" my life experience to date. I realized that I wasn't alone. This is a core belief too many of us live by. This is a samskara that is blocking the flow of this "felt experience of true worthiness" for many of us. 

Hmm! Something to think about. I will be back with more on this.

All is well.