Languishing? Experiencing "Low Grade Mental Weariness"?

 

Languishing crept in after a period of extreme stress, grief, or lonliness-a sense of low grade mental weariness that can be easy to dismiss, especially since indifference is one of its symptoms.

Languishing puts you squarely in the present and makes you aware of all that is going on around you, but it's not mindfulness; it's hypervigalence. In moments of pause, it starts to feel like you aren't really living like you once did, and too many things feel out of your control. 

Corey Keyes

If I am being completely honest with myself I have to admit I am not happy.  I am languishing in a muddy pool of discontent.

..as soon as I wrote those last few words...I heard "Poetry time!" in my head lol.  

Without further adue...I step away and let whatever this is do its thing: 

Languishing

Languishing in a muddy pool of discontent, 

my body clock ticks and tocks

in awkward sporadic movements. 

The slightly warped second hand can't keep up

with the butterfly movement of Life

that flutters beyond my grasp.

The malfunction goes unnoticed. 

The busy world  walks over me

as another hour, another day

and another year  

flitters beyond my reach.

Water log?

A rusty spring in the internal mechanics?

May be these are the causes of my disturbance?

Or maybe it is the dust of a heavy life

that has been trapped for so long

beneath this cracked and creased face 

I call "me",

that makes me lag behind the world?

Or maybe this mechanical failure

is due to the place...

where I strangely find myself 

drowning in this discontent?

How did I get here?

I don't recall falling from 

the comfortable pocket of safety 

I once claimed as home,

through the hole that was always there.

I don't remember dropping with a splash 

into this uncomfortable and wet unknown

but regardless...here I am.

I wonder, as I bob in this pool of muddy water

thick enough, it seems, to pull me down

below the murky surface,

if there is a spring missing

or a nut or bolt loose in the center 

of this human known as "me"? 

I still tick and tock...tick and  tock...

but I can no longer make sense of the rhythm... 

a few missing ticks and a few missing tocks,

a broken sound deafening to my ears

but unheard by anyone else.

No one notices my nosiy, delayed existence.

They trudge through Life's many puddles,

disturbing the waters on which I bob,

with their dirty rubber boots

that tramp about, keeping up 

with circadian rhythms,

so unlike my own.

I swallow the effect of their momentum,

choking on it,

ticking and tocking in my unusual way.

Surely I will drown.

I close my eyes,

I long for the silky threads I once read about

to emerge from the lotus flower,

a flower, I am told, that blossoms in such places.

I pray that if such a thing exists

it finds what is left of  this mechanical "me",

that its feathery strength reaches out to cradle 

this broken form in a protective hold

that will save it from drowning 

in its own malfunction.

I pray for something to rest my weary being on

as this casing  ticks and tocks 

in anyway it can

until it ticks no more.

I pray for a rescue  much greater than 

what can be offered by a human hand

or a watchmaker's tool.

I pray for freedom from my 'self'.

 © Dale-Lyn (Pen) February , 2025

Don't judge lol...it just came out.

All is well!

Seeking the Truth About Consciousness

I rather accept the best...the closest to the truth we can get and work on that.

Dr. Susan Blackmore (parapsychology-neuroscience)

I would rather be unhappy than fool myself into thinking something exists that doesn't exist.

Dr. Robert Lawrence Kuhn (neuroscience-contemplative researcher-Closer to Truth interviewer)

I believe consciousness is a primary aspect of nature. Infact, it is what physical reality is made of but it isn't enough to say that.  We have to bring that into the scientific world view.

Dr. Federico Faggin (physicist-informational technology-neuroscience-contemplative research)

We tend to,in our culture, privilege the objective and so the subjective is unreliable and mooshy and soft and  we really don't want to attend to that...

Dr. Marilyn Schiltz (Anthropology)

...[as we explore polyphasic levels of culture and begin explaining Life through different levels of consciousness] we see that consciousness is extraodinarily plastic...there are states of consciousness available to us that we really didn't know about...that consciouiness can be cultivated and developed...

[The hard problem: What is the relationship between matter and consciousness?]

Consciousness has much greater power, much greater plasticity and certainly seems more independent than our contemporary scientific research.

Dr. Joe Walsh (neuroscience-psychiatry-contemplative research)

Ontological Evidence and the Study of Consciousness

Ontology, by the way, is the philopsphical study of being and of knowing how we exist. The question arises, is there multiple ways of knowing how we exist? 

I have had a life long desire to merge spirituality with science. I believe both fields of thought and "knowing" can be one...I truly do. I love the idea of using empirical evidence to validate the existence of the unseen and the unknown. (Isn't that what science is all about anyway? At one point subatomic particles were unseen and unknown, were they not?) 

I am drawn into spiritual teachings (consciousness teachings) that do that. I want science to prove what I know in my gut to be so real...as "real". 

I am more interested in understanding conciousness. I want empirical support for this postulate I have that says, "Consciousness exists both within and outside the body.  It is the constant that never changes...that is eternal, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. It is who we are!" 

That feels like "core truth" to me. My mind, however, will not settle without question on any idea. It needs to explore it and gain evidence for it. So, I look into both the "spiritual" teachings (most scientists would refer to this as the study of the contemplative practices or "idealism") and the scientific research done on this.

From a Yogi's Perspective

Yoga, to me, is the perfect merger between these two fields of thought. As a yogi, I study and experiment with consciousness from an inner perspective...my own mind and through my own  human behaviour. My focus is on taming the ripples of my mind, understanding suffering and how to get beyond it, so I can obtain and maintain a state of true peace for myself, and therefore so I can serve the world at a higher level. My biggest desire is to prove that "consciousness (therefore who we truly are at the deepest level) exists outside and within the body and that it isn't just a function of brain activity."  

Siddhis or Psychic Phenomena

I practice yoga but have no real need to reach the point of yogic understanding where the siddhis become a part of my reality. Siddhis are what most of us would refer to as psychic phenomena: telepathy, psychokinesis, clairvoyance etc. Some would even add the belief in reincarnation in there...(well that is a given for many eastern faith beliefs and possibly even for Christianity as documentated prior to the selective ommission of gospels by the church....but it is said that some very enlightened yogis could transverse through life times. ) (Getting pretty woo-woo, huh?) It is said that yogis who reach true samadhi will attain these "gifts". 

Though I personally have no desire for these things in my own life...if someone, somewhere could prove the reality of their possibility...the theory about consciousness being expansive and "outside" the body would be proven true, would it not?  So therefore, I look into things like mediumship, psychic abilities, Out of Body Experiences, Near Death Experiences, Past Life Regression etc. 

No Evidence of Paranormal Reality

I am fascinated with psychics and wonder if they could be the links that teach us about the reality of an independent consciousness that is eternal. I watch certain psychics or mediums and question their sincerity.  Though I truly want to believe they are legitimate, I often find myself saying "I didn't get a feeling they were sincere. No...that didn't make sense.  That seemed like  cold reading and mentalism more so than actually providing a validating piece of information.  And wouldn't spirit...if they were putting all that energy into coming through...be more specific than "Who is the person that starts with A.?"  

I feel so sad when I evaluate the evidence of paranormal activity and an expansive consciousness and see it as doubtful. I want so desperately for others to prove the reality of the expansive nature of consciousness  to me. Truth is, I don't even know how to define consciousness in words. So I go from extreme materialism ( no consciousness) to extreme idealism ( all is consciousness) in my seeking outside of me for answers. 

We are asking what is it [consciousness], when we haven't even got a definition of the thing we are trying to find what it is....we are grappling around with a mystery.  I would say that the extreme materialism and the extreme idealism are utterly doomed.

Susan Blackmore

There is so much research out there. There are scientific research teams trying to prove the same things. Much, much qualitative research has been collected with subjective findings that lean heavily in the favor of this theory but so little quantitative research has proven anything objectively.  For example, people have collected thousands and thousands of NDE reports that show the same phenomena amongst the experiencers, but experiments have often failed in showing that people can read minds or remote see what is in a box miles away. 

Yes, I am skeptical to a point but also truly, truly want to believe. What does that make me?

I think that open minded skepticism is an incredibly healthy attitude and I think there is a tremendous amount of nonsense that isn't true and so to be able to develop some kind of discrimination about what is true and what isn't [is important]

Dr. Marilyn Schiltz

I feel almost sick when researchers, with the same pure intention, state openly that they have  failed  to prove the paranormal nature of consciousness.  Of course, I do know that just because"science" says it hasn't proven the existence of such and such...it doesn't mean that such and such isn't real. It just means  that it has not yet been proven true using the scientific measurement tools of the day. And at the other end of the stick...just because spiritual teachers claim such and such as truth...doesn't mean it is true either. 

Anyway, I want science to prove what yoga has been claiming for years.  I listened to Dr. Susan Blackmore yesterday with great hope she would put my mind at ease.  She didn't.  She is an Oxford Grad with a PhD in parapsychology.  She started her undergrad with the intention of studying psychology and physiology (after my own heart) which probably meant she was interested in studying neuroscience, I assume. She had a drug induced OBE in her freshman year and from then on became obsessed with the paranormal and with the idea that she would prove its reality. She wanted to prove that consciousness existed outside the body. She got her PhD in parapsychology and spent twenty years researching psychic and paranormal phenomenon. She announced in the video I watched that she then left the field of parapsychology because of great frustration that she wasn't able to prove anything.  Infact, her research findings lead her to believe that there were no paranormal phenomena. She returned to neuroscience to explain her OBE and then spent the rest of the video proving how altered brain function was responsible for the phenomenon experienced by those having OBE's or NDE's. Sigh!

I love the science and see how it makes sense in explaining these things. At the same time, my gut is screaming, "No! No! There is so much more to it than that!  Her findings are explaining only so much!" 

...perhaps the ontology or the model of reality held isn't wrong...it is just incomplete...

Dr. MarilynSchiltz

Is that resistance to what she said based on a deep desire for there to be more or on some inner knowing?  I don't know.  I really don't.

Like Dr. Walsh, I want to prove the fundamentals of ancient wisdom tradition true using science.

The challenge is how to bring these two streams of knowledge [contemplative and neuroscience]  together...any true quest for wisdom and for knowledge really has to be willing to look at all the information we have, all the data both from those who have spent years exploring internally and those who are exploring the brain, the body, physics...all the mechanistic information we now have...

...the answers you get depend on how you examine the question...

Dr. Joe Walsh

Just as there are parapsychologists switching gears and  turning to neuroscience to explain consciousness, there are hard core scientific minds who have previously focused on neuroscientific explanations for such phenonemna turning to a certain degree of parapsychology to explain consciousness. Look at David Bohm, Dr. Joe Wlash (above), Dr. Eben Alexander, and Dr. Federico Faggin....to name a few. What does that imply?

So... I went on another knowledge quest today and opened up to Closer to Truth Podcasts. Man, where have they been all my life? lol

Hmm! I guess, I will keep looking.  I need proof either way.  Of course, that truth will come for all of us when the body dies, won't it? We will all find out then. 

All is well! 

Dr. Susan Blackmore/ The Weekend University ( November 12, 2019) The Science of Out of Body Experiences. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VoixOyTPwg

Closer toTruth/Dr. Susan Blackmore (2024?) Susan Blackmore-Why is ESP so Intriguing? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jp_qYnD0P4

Closer to Truth/ Dr. Susan Blackmore (2024?) Susan Blackmore-Toward a Science of Consciousness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTlxcrB7yvE

Closer to Truth-Marilyn Schiltz (2024?) Marilyn Schiltz- Why is ESP so Intriguing? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2F5Kt1Oy7I

Closer toTruth-Roger Walsh (2024) Why is Consciousness So Baffling? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2pNiawiV0k

Science and NonDuality (2017?) Science is Ready for Consciousness: Federico Faggin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14Q_W6H_nZk

Science Discovering What Yogis Already Knew

When there was neither aught nor naught, when darkness was rolling over darkness, what existed? It then existed without vibration. [Anidavatam= stillness]

The Rig Veda, 1500 BCE

The world is made of fields-substances spread through all of space that we notice through their vibrations, which appear to us as particles. The electrical field and the gravitational field might seem similar but according to quantum field theory even particles like electrons and quarks are really vibrations in certain kinds of fields. The Higgs boson is a vibration in the Higgs field, just as a photon of light is a vibration in the electromagnetic field.

Yes, it makes no immediate sense that " a change that doesn't make a difference" leads directly to a force of nature...but that is one of the insights of twentieth century physics.

Sean Carroll, The Particle at the End of the World, 2012

Insights of 20th Century Physics? 

The Higgs Boson  was such a big discovery in quantum physics, physics, and even science in general last decade.  It is changing the materialistic way we once saw the world.  It is explaining there is an unseen and subtle force  with great power...that there is unseen space on which vibration is encouraged to change into matter and vice versa. 

Modern science, however, was not the first to discover this.  Vivekanada spoke of this way back in the late 1800's and early 1900's, and even more awe inspiring he spoke about what was written in the Rig Veda, one of the most ancient written texts ever discovered, dating back between 1500-1200 BCE. Yogis made this discovery long, long before CERN.

All motion, everything in  this universe, can be likened to waves undergoing successive rise and fall...all we see-that is, nature herself-is progressing in successive rises and falls. 

There is projection...vibration ....movement and then there is a going back to balance, the perfect equilibrium (pralaya). 

Theistical writers in India for centuries have  compared the projection and pralaya of the universe to

...the outbreathing and the inbreathing of God; God as it were breathes out the universe, and it comes into Him again.

Matter was called by ancient yogis..."bhutas" external elements 

 There is one element which...is eternal; every other element is produced out of this one. ...Along with this element, there is the primal energy called Prana. Prana and Akasha combine and recombine and form the elements out of them. Then at the end of  the Kalpa; everything subsides, and goes back to Akasha and Prana.

The Akasha, acted upon by the repeated blows of Prana, produce Vayu or vibrations. This vayu vibrates, and the vibrations growing more and more rapid result in friction giving rise to heat, Tejas. Then this heat ends the ligefactio, Apah. Then the liquid becomes solid. We had ether and motion, then came heat, then it became liquedfied, nad then it condensed into gross matter, and it goes back in exactly the reverse way.

All that we know in the form of motion, vibration, or thought is modification of the Prana, and everything that we know in the shape of matter, either as form or as resistance, is a modification of the Akasha.

The Prana cannot live alone, or act without a medium; when it is pure Prana, it has the Akasha itself to live in, and when it changes into forces of nature, say gravitation, or centrifugal forces, it must have matter.

You have never seen force without matter or matter without force; what we call force and matter are simply the gross manifestaions of these same things, which, when superfine, are called prana and Akasha. Prana, you can call in English life, the vital force; but you must not restrict it to the Life of man; at the same time you must not identify it with Spirit, Atman.

So this goes on. Creation cannot have either a beginning or an end; it is an eternal on-going. 

There is a pure, ancient, and Absolute Truth to yoga, that science is just now beginning to understand.

All is Well!

Carrol. Seam. M. (2012) The Particle at the End of the Universe: How the Hunt for the Higgs Boson Leads us to the Edge of a New World. Dutton

Vivekananda( n.d.) Complete Works of Sri Swami Vivekananda. 2.6.11 Cosmology in Practical Vedanta and Other Lectures. Kindle Edition

"Why?" and Living With the Underrated.

Getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want is the most highly overrated thing in the world.

Michael Singer

I am working on establishing equanimity of mind...of not "reacting" to the so called positive and wanted events of Life and the so called unwanted. It isn't easy. 

Well, I often do not get what I think I want from the outside world and probably get more of what I don't want lately...enough to make Michael Singer happy. I am living with the underrated rather than the overrated. 

That what you want now ..I pray that you dont get it.

What I want?  Peace. What I don't want?  Disturbance.  That translates to the ego mind, that is staring out and seeking peace from the outside... as, "I will find peace if everything out there goes smoothly and quietly." and "I will be at peace as long as nothing out there is problematic and disturbing." 

Sigh!  Woke up this morning excited. I had a day off.  My grandson was not coming so I thought, "Today, I can settle into peace! " Mind has been telling me that I really, really need a break from all the disturbing events going on around me. I was looking forward to a quiet morning doing "my thing!"  I plopped down with a nice hot cup of tea and put on the below linked Michael Singer podcast.  There was quiet...no interuptions or disruptions. This quiet was so unusual but so greatly enjoyed. I had peace for ten whole minutes!  I was getting what I wanted. Then....out of the ether (lol) came a panicking voice, "There is a flood in the basement apartment!"

I looked up again and caught myself saying, "Really??" 

My quiet, peaceful morning was then spent shouting out orders in an attempt to save the apartment, dealing with the panickers, wringing out towels, cleaning up messes as we stood in ankle deep water...shop vacing when we could...doing laundry, salvaging furniture and other items, throwing out what couldn't be saved. Sigh! It wasn't peaceful.  It was a very messy disturbance. I am not sure yet the extent of damage and I really don't want to know. ( $$)

I wanted a peaceful morning and I didn't want a messy and possibly destructive flood. I didn't get what I wanted but I did get what I didn't want.  Hmm!

Why?  Why is it that lately these things seem to be happening where I seldom get what I want and I get a lot of what I don't want as if designed that way by Life?  Outer events seem to be representing so much disturbance, chaos, suffering, scarcity, challenge, failure, effort and so little peace, joy, abundance, success in worldly terms and ease? Though I know everyone has their challenges... and I am not thinking through the problem superior ego when I say this...the number of challenges I tend to face seem disproportionate  to those challenges being allotted to those around me. 

I have, for example, people very, very close to me that have no worry about money...they live in abundance.  And though they certainly deserve it and have worked hard for sure...a lot of it just seems to land on their lap. They are not, from what I can see, working any harder than I am ...they just seem to be presented fewer obstacles and more opportunity and blessings. When those they love are struggling or suffering, they have the means to help make it better so effortlessly, while I seem to have more loved ones suffering and in need but no means to support and help them finacially or to help get the services they need quicker. (This sounds like envy and self pity...which I am certainly not above feeling...but right now this is pure objective observation through which I am writing). 

When the bodies or possessions of these "fortunate others" act up they seem to be able to get help and support for that as soon as possible whereas I go decades. I present when I need to...just as much as they do...but there always seems to be one little obstacle after another hindering my ability to deal with what is going on in this body or my house. 

I also embrace my gifts and semi-talents and try to share them with what I believe are pure authentic intentions.  I write so much...have so much written and though I submit and publish it goes nowhere.  My writing stays obscure which is okay until I hear things like, "If you are doing what you are meant to do, the world will show you through external success. You will reach and help a lot of people." Duh?  That didn't happen. I don't need the "success"  or a lot of readers but I would like the validation from the universe that what I spend my time doing is worthwhile...it is definitely worthwhile intrinsically but if these sayers are right, shouldn't I have some form of external validation if this is my life purpose? Shouldn't I actually be reaching people, if that is my intent? 

I am also a good hatha yoga teacher with a great understanding of anatomy.  I knew I could help people in this area so I, using a very limited retirement allowance, created and opened up a studio. ( I am also very good with money which seems ridiculous considering how little I have but I invested well, saved well, planned well etc. There has been, however, so many external forces I couldn't control impinging on my financial well being leaving me where I am....making me question even more, "why?")  As soon as I opened for yoga, I had a flood...then a pandemic...then a botched attempt at getting my yoga out on line and into the community...it costed me much more than I ever made (and though teaching yoga was never about what I made...it just offers another example how external reward is not validating my efforts to help).

I am a good educator and I love teaching English. That love, together with a sincere desire to help newcomers in my community, led me to write a book. I tried to pass it around to where I thought it might be accessible to those that might benifit from it. Of course, I can't give every copy  away (printing costs alone are beyond my means but I did give many copies away) ...I have it on Kindle and Amazon charges a hefty price of which I make very little off each book (which is okay becasue profitting from this book was not my intention). I have heard nothing back about this book.  Right now, I am more embarrassed about it than I am anything else.  Did I offend?  Who did I think I was writing such a book? etc etc.  It, too, is now sitting in obscurity not helping in the way I was hoping it would. 

So when I look at these things I have to wonder why.  It is not a self pity "why?" ( at least it isn't today lol).  It is just a question from a fairly intelligent and insightful mind.  "What is the purpose of my Life being so challenging right now?" 

And I am really not that attached to the fruits of my actions.  I enjoy the process pf writing, teaching, speaking, yoga, learning and being etc...I, at the deepest level, get so much from that. My sadhanna is my most important endeavor...not what I accomplish externally.

Those whose minds are established in equality of vision [equanimity] conquer the cycle sof birth and death  in this very life. They possess the flawless qualities of God, and are therefore seated in the Absolute Truth.

Bhagavad Gita 5:19 ( as translated in https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/chapter/5/verse/19)

I practice attempting to gain equinimity of mind...of a state of peace-no-matter-what. I am committed to accepting Life as it is...to finding peace in every moment no matter what is unfolding in it. So, are these challenges...this "not getting what I want and getting what I don't want"...tests I am in some way asking for?  Are these challenges actually great opportunities for growth given from some design I don't understand? Am I actually "blessed" to have all these challenges? Are they leading me to the Absolute Truth quicker than a life of ease and abundance would? If that is the case, "Bring it on!" I don't need to get what I want and to avoid what I don't want from the outside world if I am being taken to the only world that really matters. 

Yet, I cannot help but ask "Why is it so challenging right now?"  I am not complaining as much I just want to understand.  Why?   Is it for higher learning that I keep getting bopped on the head with challenges; is it my own negative energy being projected out into circumstances; is it a misuse of my body, mind and energy; is it karma; is is some type of curse; or is it just random and has nothing to do with me? The thing is I know regardless of the cause...I need to take responsibility for it.  It is my Life and it is up to me to honor the serenity prayer by asking: "What things can I not change?  What things must I accept? Give me the wisdom to know the difference, please."

 If I am somehow causing these events that are impacting not only my life but the lives of those around me...is it up to me to "do" something about it?  I have to understand and change what I can change, don't I? If so, how do I do that? Whether that change requires an external effort or not, it will definitely require an internal one. Hmm!

Whatever happens...good happens, bad happens, beautiful things happen, nasty things happen within me, outside of me, It is just me....

Sadhguru

I would like to know why my life "appears" to be full of challenges right now. I will accept them for whatever they are here to offer.  Could I get just a tiny bit of validation in amongst all these challenges that I am on the right path, though? Just a bit? Is that too much to ask?

Anyway, all is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 13, 2025) Waking Up: How to Stop Living in the Past and to Find True Freedom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3BrESzRn5c&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Much More Helpful than Success

 You can be free from the prison of your mind...

A great opportunity arises when the world of form or when the person who identifies with the world of form becomes dissatisfied...

Psychological suffering, that is mind produced, is the only type of suffering...implying there is a mind made sense of self that is not surrendered to life

Spiritually, failure is much more helpful than success.

Eckhart Tolle 

I hear that again and again through my learning.  I believe it too. Yet, I still find myself being pulled into the challenges Life provides and when I become dissatified...instead of embracing the opportunity...I will still hear myself saying from time to time.."Oh no! What next? Why me?" I know better but habit mind is challenging to pull away from.

Hmm! When I catch myself slipping from my practice committment, as I still do, to embrace life exactly as it is...I need to be kind and compassionate to this self. Slips happen in recovery.  They too can be the "failures" that feed the spirit. They show this human I call "me" that my mind is not completely surrendered yet.  There is the part I created ( psyche, ego, this sense of a seperate little "me") that is still clinging...and I must let go of that part as well.

It is all learning isn't it?

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle ( February 11, 2025) Eckhart Tolle on Freeing Yourself from the Source of Suffering. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gqr26J7L7XU

Science and Spirituality

 We are living human beings with consciousness and free will, properties that exist in reality  that is deeper than the space-time reality in which our bodies exist...The capacity to experience and know ourselves resides in the quantum fields that describe our true nature...

Federico Faggins (Physicist)

I discovered someone who merges science with spirituality and I am very keen to learn more.  Federico Faggins, a physicist and a computer technologist, received everything in terms of worldly success. Yet he wasnt happy. After expressing a deep deaire to know why, he experienced the  same direct awakening one night that enlightened yogis report having.  He then set out to merge science with spirituality. I want to know more.  So, I think I will be spending money on another book "Irreducible" .

Anyway.  Thought I would share! 

All is well

Making it Personal

 They are moments in time and space and they got nothing to do with you.

Michael Singer

Michael Singer, in the below linked video, reminds us that we are all great beings...that tend to limit our greatness to the sum of our learned experiences. We narrow our great focus down onto these psyches we created and call "me".  We suffer because we tend to resist Life and make it all personal. 

You are not meant to suffer! 

I agree. Sure suffering exists, as the Buddha claims in the First Noble Truth...but...I believe we are not meant to suffer.

You are not meant to suffer!

There is a difference, I believe, between experiencing the unfoldings of life that our senses perceive as unpleasant...and suffering.  Physical pain, for example, is only suffering when you resist it. Judge it as bad, wrong, shouldn't be; resist it, and there will be 'suffering'.  Make it personal...and the suffering intensifies! 

We are not meant to "suffer" but yeah we are here to experience.  And pain is a part of that experience. Thirty trillion individual cells working together in that body that is experiencing pain, that body that takes care of itself...that body that isn't yours. 

WTF! Say what crazy lady???  

You are just renting the body you are in for a period of time. Sure notice that pain, listen to it, and do what it is asking you to do...but you don't have to turn that pain into personal suffering.  Even that pain isn't personal because the body you are in really has nothing to do with you. When you make it personal and say, "Look what is happening to "me"; this is "bad, wrong, and shouldn't be!",  this physical pain becomes suffering.  It is taken  beyond an experience you in the form can observe and feel-  to full blown suffering.  

Suffering is of the psyche!!

Rejected love efforts are certainly unpleasant and they feel so very personal, but they too are not suffering until we deem them as bad, wrong, shouldn't be or when we label them as personal.  And they are not personal.  If that person...that body of 30 trillion cells with an individual psyche based on the sum of their learned experiences (experiences you know nothing about) decides it doesn't like you ...it has nothing to do with you!  It has to do with all the thousands of  things that body/personal mind, over there that you are seeking to please, stuffed and stored...that made their psyche what it is. It has to do with where they are at during that moment they decided to react to something emerging from your psyche or personality or body, leading them to a judgment, "I don't like you!" Certainly feels personal to your psyche (the "me" you created based on all your stored experiences, your stuffed samskaras ...in that body you are in with its trillions of cells all reactive and firing) ...but ... It isn't personal!!!

They don't even see you...I mean truly see you...through the veil of their own samskara stuffed psyches. Pull your focus back away from your own reactive psyche to observe their reactive pysche. You are not your reactive psyche or the body you are in.  They are not their reactive psyche or the body they are in. Pull your focus back a little more to see hundreds, then thousands, then millions, and then billions of reactive psyches that make up the human race and know that all of these created "me's" are not real and simply hiding what everyone actually is! Pull your focus back even more to see how you  and the "person who has rejected you",  as well as all the other billions of humans that share this planet with you, are just tiny specks of salt on a bigger speck of salt, floating around a small little star in a small little solar system, in a great big galaxy which just happens to be one of trillions of galaxies with an infinite number of experiences happening. These experiences got nothing to do with you!

We have narrowed the brilliant, beautiful Mind of the Universe that we are a part of down into billions of little, suffering personal minds. Most of us  listen to this personal mind as it chooses to suffer our entire lives.  We do not have to listen to it, though.  We really don't. We can allow for purification. We can relax into its chatter and attempt to look behind it to the brilliant, impersonal Mind we all share. 

Remember: 

Your consciousness is the whole universe looking down through you. 

You don't have to take it personally. Just let go. 

The purified Mind is no different than the Self. (Ram Krishna)

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 10, 2025) From Personal to Universal: Transcending the Ego's Constraints. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjjajdg5GWQ&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Change the Questioning

 Change the deep questions you are asking yourselves and God.

Instead of asking:

 What am I to do with this life?

ask

What is  Life to do with "me"?

Instead of asking

What do I do to end this suffering?

ask

Why am I suffering?

Instead of asking

How do I get rid of all these expectations that lead to suffering?

ask

Why do I have expectations?

Instead of asking

Why do bad things happen to good people?

ask

Why am I assuming that things that are happening are bad, wrong, shouldn't be, and the people they are happening to are good, right, should be? 

Instead of asking

What can I do to change  this or that "out there" so I feel better in here?

ask

Why do I not feel okay with whatever is happening? What do I need to work on in here so I feel what I already am?

There are so many common questions we ask ourselves that could be changed to help us to get a little closer to the first goal of awakening ...peace of mind and a return to the Seat.

All is well. 

Tearing Down Doors

 I don't want the door [to Life] to stay open...I want the door to be taken off its hinges and thrown away.

Michael Singer

Imagine there was no opening and closing...no need to decide if you should allow something in or if you should slam the door on it...resist it? Imagine if Life could just blow in and through you without any fearful reaction from you. Imagine staying open to Love despite fear. ...and eventually having no fear...just Love. 

Many of us are spending our lives opening the door a crack every now and again to let something in or slamming it and locking it so nothing we fear can get in. We depend on the hinges of the door to allow us to do so. We believe we need the door for our protection Yet, Singer reminds us when we decide to do that we have:

traded off the light and beauty in your life for fear...you chose to close your mind and heart.

Many of us, because of fear, are willing to choose safety over love. Our need to protect ourselves with these doors over the heart, mind, and soul are so very important to the psyche. It is the psyche that built the door and determines when it opens and when it closes.  And we all know by now that our psyches are a little bit cra-cra, right?

In October of 23...my family and I were attacked by someone who was in a drug induced psychosis. This individual, in the midst of his rage, tore down our kitchen door, right off the hinges, removing our main barrier to the outside world. When we discovered that he was released shortly after being arrested we felt so very vulnerable...we suddenly had no protection. We realized how much we depended on the ability we had to close that door to appease our fear and to defend against  anything potentially fearful.. While we struggled  to put up the door on new hinges and a new frame...I imagined what Life would be like if no one had any doors on their houses (in theCanadian summer that would not be a lot of fun lol- black flies and mosquitos would eat us alive :)) I imagined what it would be like if there was no fear and no need to protects one's 'self' from anything out there. That both terrified me to imagine that and it it also felt so freeing.

After the incident, I watched my family very carefully to see how they were dealing with this trauma. For months they double locked that door...sometimes going to it in the middle of the night to make sure it was locked.  Everytime there was a knock at it or some noise on the other side of it...they would open it just a crack to look outside before deciding if they should let whomever or whatever come in. As soon as what ever came through, they would then slam it shut and double lock it again. Their fear ruled their lives. They were, as a result, very closed to many other experiences. Sigh!

To a lesser degree, isn't that what most of us do with every moment of our lives? We hide behind closed doors in order to protect these "me"s we created. We resist so much and open to so little because of past experiences and the fear of having that pain repeated. 

Months after the incident, I again imagined a life where no doors were needed. I imagined a life without fear dominating our choices.  I know that fear is a very natural protective instinct we have and it is necessary for our very survival. A life without fear is probably not in our best interests...but a Life dominated by Love rather than fear, is. Maybe we can still learn to keep the doors to our inner selves open, even in the presence of fear. Maybe that extreme vulnerability my family and I experienced a  year or so ago is something we can stop resisting and allow in. Vulnerability is a sign we are open.  When we are open ...yeah,  sure the things the mind deems as "bad or threatening" might come inside but so will sunshine, fresh breezes, the sounds of an amazing world, and other beings we can love. Fear might not go away but should we listen to it every time it tells us to close the door? How much beauty and Love are we closing to when we do that? 

If there were no doors to open or close...we wouldn't have to make the choice to do so would we? There would be nothing to resist with.  Life would just come pouring in and through us.  Instead of deciding what to do with Life, we could let Life decide what to do with us. Hmm!

I had another eye opening moment last evening during meditation...I slept on it and awoke with this:

Instead of asking: "What am I to do with Life?"; we should be asking," Life, what do you want to do with me?"

Our ultimate goal, maybe, is not to learn to keep the door open...but to be able to take the door right off the hinges and to live in that state of openness where Life can blow right through us. I personally want to stop focusing on what my fearful little psyche wants from this life.  I am so very tired of living under fear's control.  I much rather live under love's. I want to focus on what Life might want of this human that I am without the sick psyche's control in the way. I want all need to decide to open or close gone. Without a door there would be nothing to open or close. I want my psyche and its noisy door out of the way. 

What about you? 

Hmmm! Something to think about.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True (February 6, 2024) Breaking Barriers: Finding Joy Within.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03eXIujpzPM&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Slipping Into Self Pity?

 

Self pity is our worse enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.

Helen Keller

1000 little violins were playing in my head as I reread my entry from yesterday.  Not only did I make a lot of typos lol, I also pulled my'self' ...and possibly others...down into self pity and negativity. Isn't that what a dying ego...grasping for something to hang on...wants?

The truth is: it is hard.  There is a lot of crap this human I call "me" has to deal with. ( A lot of humans are dealing with crap...many with crap so much more challenging than mine!). Still...it basically sucks sometimes!!! And I do have a scientific  mind- I was born with it. This intellectual mind wants to know why circumstances are this way...Is it random? Is it karma (and I don't mean the punishment idea of karma)? Do I have some negative energy attached to me for some reason? Are these just lessons Life believes I am ready to handle so I grow? (Or the one I am most afraid of): Am I doing this to my self because I don't yet know how to handle the reins of this mind? 

I don't know...sometimes...many times...that question comes up. Why is this happening? Why is it so hard?

Yeah, self pity will sneak in there too every now and again, like it did yesterday, but most of the time...it is just an objective question I am asking.

Hmm! Anyway...you can put down your tiny violins now lol. I put away my self pity.

Side note: Self compassion is required when we recognize the tendency towards self pity.  My first reaction when I recognize my self pity is to chastise myself and say something like, "How could you do that??? You know better!!" I feel shame.

We need to have compassion for the human we are that has a tendency towards this.  Be kind as you gentle reassure  that human that it is okay to fall into negativity and self pity from time to time...and gently encourage them not to stay there. It will do no good what so ever in this world.

All is well. 

The Not So Gentle Path

Your life is a wonderful place to practice getting free...the gentle path.

Michael A Singer

Hmm! Is this path really gentle? It doesn't seem that my path was gentle to date.

Michael Singer in the below linked video is basically telling us that the most important question to ask isn't "What can I do to feel better?",  it is "Why am I not feeling wonderful now?"

I agree!

I basically know the answers to both questions. To feel better I must go inward and I am not feeling so great now because I have been closing to Life.  Knowing that, however, doesn't mean I am feeling better. lol.  It is hard to remove my attention from challenging life circumstances because they seem to come in abundance. Sure, I know it is my closing and resisting them that is the issue...not the circumstances but I can't help but ask, "Why the f*&% are there so many distractions my mind deems as 'negative' showing up to distract me away?"

 I want to know why my circumstances are the way they are ....despite my knowing that it is an inner game and that I am not feeling well because of samskaras I am willing to cleanse.  I am still focusing on cleansing, I am, but I would really like a little cooperation and positive feedback from Life.  Why am I not getting it? Life still seems to be landing pretty heavily on my shoulders. It feels like it purposefully hard. So I add that question, "Why is Life still unfolding so much hard to handle stuff in front of me?" to the other two questions above.

For example, I know money is not as important as inner peace.  I know the inner peace is within me regardless of how much money I have or don't have.  Any sense of disturbance I might have in regards to money has nothing to do with my bank account...it is my resistance and closing  because of scarcity belief and fear I have that causes the disturbance.  Hmmm! I know that I can find peace, my ultimate goal, regardless of my financial struggle if I stay open and relax.  That is a great solution on the spiritual level but what about the "human" level?

I still have to pay the bills in order to meet basic needs. Life is making it very hard to do that. It keeps handing me more and more money challenges. It is really hard to stay open to that!

For example, I was wondering how I could take a course that would better my experience as a human who helps others learn English, get  all those university credits I have into another degree, add a few credentials to my name to support the book I wrote, and possibly allow me to make a little money doing so to eventually help this human end the day to day money struggles I am  experiencing. That 'idea' led me to this idea : "Well maybe ...it would be worth it to go a little more in debt to study and learn".  

I felt myself opening to hope again. (I normally don't subscribe to hope...but it feels so much better than hopelessness.) I was open as I considered that possibility.  I was about to enroll. Then, out of nowhere, I was selected, out of a very small percentage, to be audited by the Canadian Revenue Agency....( a probablity that was pretty random).  I was penalized very heavily for a very, very honest mistake and I now owe much more money than I have...definitely more money than I would need to take this course. So the course is out of the picture of possibilities and I am now worried over how I am going to pay the government without going under. Sigh!

Sure, I know my peace should not be based on what CRA did, on my bank account, on this deflated hope for what the course might have given this human I call  me. It should not be based on these challenges that seem to be coming in truckloads to my door. Even when I remove my "problem competitive" ego from the picture...it seems like an extraordinary amount of challenge to my human mind. I can't help but ask why: "Why so many challenges?" 

So, as I continue asking: Why am I so closed to Life? and continue working on internal accountabilty and cleansing ...this question "Why are there so many outer world challenges for this human to deal with?" keeps coming up. I tell myself it isn't personal...Life is just being Life and it isn't all about "me". My problems are statistically insignificant.  I believe it too!  

Yet, when I watch this exhausted human proceed through Life dealing with this and dealing with that, I can't help but say, "Wow!  That's a lot! No wonder why the thinking and feeling  is more 'negative' and low energy than 'positive' and high energy. No wonder why, I go beyond accepting that challenges will arise to expecting them to arise and bracing myself for blow after blow. "

That is why I am interested in things like Karma. I am hoping that an answer to that question will help me understand why these challenges are occurring so I can better accept them "openly".  I still know I need to stay open...I do.  Cleansing and relaxing into what is ...is my priority. I cannot help but to think, though,  that understanding why external circumstances are so challenging, might make it easier for this human I call me to do that.

Hmm! Anyway...all is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 6, 2025) Breaking Barriers: Finding Joy Within. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03eXIujpzPM&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Focus on Self Instead of self

 

No one has ever had the experiences you had and will never have them because everything keeps changing...you are unique. ...Every single experience you have makes you a better being. 

Experiences are things that come into your consciousness and make you a greater being because you experience them. [until you say "No" to experiencing them].

Consciousness is pure light but you projected your sense of Self onto an object of consciousness

Cease to identify with this thing that you built because you were scared....

Michaeal A. Singer

All is well!

Where are you focusing your attention?

 Problems are not inherent in Life itself, they are constructs of the thinking mind.  But who is aware of these thoughts?  Who is observing the mind as it creates these narratives? There is a deeper presence within you, one that watches without judgment. This awareness is not troubled by problems because it does not interpret reality through the lens of fear and resistance.  It simply is. And in this isness, this presence, God is found.

When you focus on problems, you magnify them.  When you focus on God, you magnify peace. 

So the question is not, "How do I solve my problems?"but rather, "Where am I placing my attention?" Are you lost in the mind's endless cycle of struggle or are you resting in the stillness where true peace resides? 

Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle/Words of Worth ( February, 2025) Focus on God Not Your Problems. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPxrEzdMCPA

Return to the One

 I and the Father are One.

John 10:30

Michael A. Singer, in the below linked podcast, tells us that consciousness is the most important part of our being and real meditation is all about getting back to that Seat we technically never left...the Seat of Consciousness, true awareness, the place from which you notice those objects you are focusing on is where you belong.

You are consciousness...consciounsess is your soul...the essence of your being. Singer

Why are we having the experience that we have left that Seat?

Singer puts it simply using three terms: consciousness- distraction- and identifying.

Consciousness

We are pure consciousness. We are Sat Chit Ananda...we are One with the Father but we do not "experience" that Oneness because we focus elsewhere.  We get distracted by the world going on around us.  In our attempt to cope with all the distracting noise and drama, we stuff and store those distractions that are powerful and impactful, be they  be so called negative or positive. Now we have samskara knots of distractions hidden within us.  Then we must go out into the world to find external distractions  that will distract us from these internal ones we stored. 

Distraction

You try to distract yourself from your distractions that you built up through the course of your life. Singer

We all got our stuff and that stuff often gets in the way of connection at the deepest level. It takes us away from Self and into a focus on self.  The idea that we are seperate little bodied beings with our own little problems, needs, and wants become the focus.  We begin to see ourselves as simply an accumulation of this stuff.  It becomes our identity. This  distraction...this identity is not who we are. Infact, it takes us farther away from who we are.

Everytime we particularise an object, we differentiate it from the Self. Vivekananda

Identifying

We see ourselves as that which we are focusing on and that which we are focusing on is often "negative". We may be, as these seperate person concepts, focusing on very low energy emotions .  This not only keeps us from awareness of our Source...but then we begin to identify with those low energy emotions by saying "I am depressed", for example.

This distraction and identification from consciousness/Self leads to constant reactivity and suffering. Singer

So with everything; as soon as you are attached to anything in the universe, detaching form the universe as a whole, from the Atman, there comes a reaction. Vivekananda

We are, Singer reminds us, Sat Chit Ananda ( Eternal, Conscious Bliss). We are not what Consciousness is staring at, we are the consciousness that is staring. We are not a seperate little "self" we are a part of the One Self. This One Self is called Atman in Yogic terms. 

We get the idea that we have all come just like sparks from Him, and when you know Him, then you go back and become one with Him again. We are the universal. ...

...in and through every spark of the individuality is shining that Infinite. Everything is a manifestation of the Atman. Vivekananda

We  do not need to suffer. We just need to remove our attachment and sense of identity from that which we are distacted by. We just need to trace our way back to Self.

With everything that we love outside the Self, grief and misery will be the result. If we enjoy everything in the Self, and as the Self, no misery or reaction will come.  This is perfect bliss. 

How do we get back to this "perfect bliss"...sat chit ananda, the Seat of Consciousness. Both Singer and Vivekananda remind us we must first know that consciousness exists..." This Atman is first to be heard of." 

Singer in his podcast lists the  three spiritual truths: consciousness is first, then comes distraction and identity.  We must trace our way back to consciousness. 

We can  bring our focus back to Self through pratyahara (disconnecting from our attention on sensual imput), dharana ( single pointed conscentration), and Dhyana (meditation...a practice that takes us back to Self). This is a true yoga practice but it doesn't have to be that eloborate. There are simple things we can do day to day with our thinking and our speaking that can be very helpful.

Language and Consciousness

What I always found  helpful, was watching and restructuring the language I use. We need to, I believe, start removing words of personal identification from the things and experiences we are observing that are not life enhancing.  

As someone who loves language and the power it has in the mind (there I am identifying again lol) I see how erroneous  the use of the words "I am " is.  We are not depression or any other low energy  experience...we are the One experiencing it. We are having an experience of depression possibly but we are not depressed! We are the Consciousness, the awareness, the Soul ( if you will) observing this human experience depression. Yet, we get so caught up in the distraction of depression we begin to identify as a "depressed person". That gets cemented as belief when we repeatedly say to ourselves or others, "I am depressed."

We need to change our wording!

Removing "My" from lower energy focus

We can start with saying "the" car instead of "my" car. We can move onto  "this body" rather than "my body", and we can remove that "my" from problems or low energy experiences we may be encountering. There really is nothing "personal" going on here. Our sense of suffering is derived from this personal identification with Life.

Removing "I am" from lower energy focus

 We can say  "I am experiencing depression" rather than "I am depressed"; " I have an illness right now" instead of saying, "I am sick";   "I am dealing with some anger" instead of "I am angry." 

Remember you are Sat Chit Ananda...you are eternal consciousness bliss... not some petty "personal problem", or the body and whatever it is doing...or the emotions. You are simply experiencing these things.

"I am pure ecstacy distracted by low energy."

Removing the personal from it all

Depersonalize  the life events that unfold in front of you. They are not happening "to you". They are just happening and you get to experience them.

Removing the "I" and the "me" as much as posisble.

I try  unsuccessfully lol) to use "I" only when I am talking about consciousness and high energy experiences. I try to eliminate "me" altogether from my vocabulary but that is difficult.  I try to use "this human I call 'me' "instead.  It is a totally different experience when I think and speak like that. It pulls me right back to the seat of consciousness when I do...reminding me of Who I Am and from where I am observing "This human I call 'me' ". Try it.  ( Others might think you are a few bricks short of a load but it is very helpful in depersonalizing Life and getting back to the Seat.) 

We are One with the Source. We are One with the Father.  We just wandered off too far with our focus and simply need to bring ourselves back.

To realize this unity is the end and aim of all meditation...Vivekananda.

All is well in my world.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True (January, 2024 ) Unravelling the Ego: Returning to Pure Awareness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHOj-RUuZVs&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Vivekananda (n.d.) 2.6 Practical Vedanta and other Lectures. Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Kindle Edition

Bully in the Playground?

 You will never reach higher ground if you are always pushing others down.

Jeffrey Benjamin

As a Canadian,  I am, as a part of a national collective, finding myself in a situation where I am being bullied for my lunch money. I see the festering ego in front of me  with his hand out and I see the gang in the back ground...scuffing their toes in the sand with heads down and smirks on their faces. They actually are using this bully for their own gains...building up his ego by telling him how tough he is...encouraging him to go after those who he believes are weaker and easy targets. At this point his ego is so inflated he believes all others around him are weak, easy targets, and he truly doesn't see how manipulated he is being by those behind him. He is seen as the big man on campus by some, the people who surround him, the cool gang. He was put in this situation by unconscious students wanting just a piece of what he appears to have. They want to belong. This is, however,  a far from inclusive gang. It is a group that is overly selective...white rich caucasian males calling all the shots for the other students on campus. All the wanna be members are just going to get trampled on.  A sort of gatekeeping takes place, under his psuedo leadership. where the bodies and minds of other students are controlled or forced off the playground for their differences.  Gang members line the borders of the school yard and allow so few in and they are pushing so many out as if repeating the same  cleansing that led to WW2. They  walk forward metre by metre (yard by yard) in an attempt to expand their territory  stealing lunch money here, stealing it there. Sigh! Who would want in under this gang control? 

So, I in my collective, stand here watching the bully puff himself up ...seeing it all so clearly...shaking my head as to how he got to stand where he is standing now but accepting that it is the way it is. He was put into this role by a collective mindset that is a little lost and veering off the path of attaining what is really important. My peaceful national conditioning will play the game for a while...I will hand over my  lunch money because I  know, in the calm, peaceful wisdom that makes my country what it is, that bullies eventually destroy themselves. Sigh...I personally do not want anyone to be harmed...I just want people to learn... when they are lost...that there is a much better way to live.  Bullying...ego dominance...is never the way to go.

May all learn from this political crisis...may all be well.

All is well. 

One or a Million

 If it is one person or millions [I am reaching]...it is the same message.

Guradev Sri Sri Ravi Shankara

I felt inspired to write that quote down in reference to my own little yoga mission....this very strange mission I have yet to completely understand that pulls me here every morning despite ego's protests. It is a misison that leaves me constantly asking, "Why am I doing this? For what? For Whom?"

The above quote was uttered when Guradev was asked the question, "What advice do you have for other up and coming spiritual teachers to build their infrastructures?" (paraphrased). He humbly stated that he never did and still doesn't get caught up in building infrastructures, that he simply is what he is and that he is doing what comes naturally to him. He was more or less saying that he was not attached to outcomes or to the fruit of his actions. He was more concerened about beingness.

He also stated that the way we truly impact the lives of others is not through our talking, speaking, or building of infrastructures...but through our vibrational beingness.  

Things happen more from vibrations...the state of being...than they do through talking or speaking [or building infrastructureness.]

If I really want to (or if the Something within me) really wants to affect change with what I do here I need to first be clear minded, pure in heart, and my action has to be completely sincere.

When there is right intention things start happening.

It doesn't matter if this action helps one or a million others...as long as the intention is right, and the action sincere.  I believe it to be so.

All is well!

Clear Minds, Pure Hearts, and Sincere Actions

 [Approach Life with...] 

Clarity in mind

purity in heart

sincerity in action

Guradev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

I believe these are the qualities a true Guru or yogi would possess. I know that is how I want to approach life.  I am working on it but I am very much a work in progress. I find myself seeking inspiration for this journey from people who have attained these things. 

 I heard this yoga guru speak today and I was really hoping that I finally found a truly authentic and awakened being.  He seemed to be humble, happy, very calm, and real. His answers to questions were very, very wise. Hmm! He seemed to check off all the above boxes: Clear mind, Pure heart, and Sincere action..

This is what I heard (may be somewhat paraphrased).

Life is sprung from bliss

Without the stress and tension [of this overidentification of self]...we would have bliss

Either through a curious and inquistive mind or through a frustrated mind, you reach a point where you want to know yourself. You want to find what is the meaning of life. 

A true seeker is free from all types of dogmas

The journey of life is from an ugly "I don't know" to a beautiful "I dont know". The beautiful "I dont know" leads you to meditation, the ugly "I don't know leads" to more frustration and misery..

We are all either consciously or unconsciously seeking for freedom...and it doesn't matter as long as we find it.

When knowledge becomes a part of your life it becomes wisdom.

Music, meditation, and wisdom will make your life complete.

What is needed to get out of this lonliness [ which is almost a pandemic]is wisdom and meditation

Stress= shadowed perception...need clarity of mind

Yoga is a coming back into the true Self that you are

If it is one person or millions [I am reaching]...it is the same message

Things happen more from vibrations...the state of being...than they do through talking or speaking [or building infrastructureness.]

When there is right intention things start happening.

Relationships stay longer [and stronger] when you are not focused on getting something from them...[when you are more focused on the questions]: "What can I give and how can I serve?" 

Not wanting or seeking to get something from other people [is how we should approach Life and relationships.]

[We are] one world family [and together] we must learn to celebrate Life.

This lines up with what I have been reading from the Complete Works of Vivekananda:

With everything that we love outside the Self, grief and misery will be the result. If we enjoy everything in the Self, and as the Self, no misery or reaction will come. This is perfect bliss. 

All is well.

Andre Duqum/Know Thyself Podcast ( 2024?) Awakening Joy & 100K Sunscriber Q & A. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcdXvEekPv1GRqbvjVf41TrYQhjHRO1_q

Taking the Woo-Woo Out of It.

 As a physicist, and therefore as a man who spent his whole life in the service of the most down-to-earth science, namely the exploration of matter, no one is going to take me for a starr -eyed dreamer. After all my exploration of the atom, then, let me tell you this: there is no matter as such. All matter arises and exists only by virtue of a force that sets the atomic particles oscillating, and holds them together in that tiniest of solar systems, the atom...we must suppose, behind this force, a conscious, intelligent spirit. The spirit is the ultimate orgin of matter. 

Max Planck, 1944

I know I talk about things here that many would deem as woo-woo and me crazy, blasphemous, or silly for speaking about such things. I consider myself to have a scientific mind...I like to reason, and come up with rational answers for why things are occuring. Yet, here I am pulled by some invisible force to explore and understand this "conscious, intelligent spirit" from which all matter originates.

Yeah, I have some deep seated conditioning in me as well...I still question if it is all pretty woo-woo too.  My ego tells me that I am absolutely crazy for doing this.  Yet, I am compelled to write and explore these ideas I share here. Why?

 Sometimes, I think I come here with the somewhat reluctant and involuntary  mission of taking the woo-woo out of a truth we are failing to see. 

Let's look at the history of the "woo-woo". ( Will focus on European and North American "Woo-woo") 

At one point of human existence the connection to that which could not be seen was natural and expected.  It was the most important element in life for our ancestors. Spirituality directed people to act and live a certain way.  It was "normal".  There was nothing "woo-woo" about it.  

Churches came in to control that blind faith, creating blind obedience, not to that direct connection we once had but to the system directing that faith. 

Though there were people experimenting  from the beginning, exploring the natural world with scientific thought...science  was considered "woo-woo" and even worthy of being put to death for, up until a few centuries ago. Then as time evolved, scientific thought continued to evolve and it began to pull people from that "blind" belief...and got them to question and to focus more  on the materiality of existence than the etheral. Societies were slowly but surely being  pulled from their remaining direct connections with the spiritual, and the blind adherence to their religions...just a bit. One without the other, however, was considered "woo-woo".  

Emotionality and art...contemplation of the personal mind became a thing. We see amazing artists, poets, and philosophers emerging with these wonderful representations of the individual  human experience, arising from the divine with their art and ideas. These leaders worked with both faith and science. ( Look at Michelangelo and da Vinci...both were amazing artists and amazing scientists). Blind faith was then considered woo-woo...science by itself was considered  woo-woo; art by itself was  considered woo-woo...but if it all worked together (under the direction of the church)  than it wasn't.

Then came this greater pull of science (after Newton, than Darwin) into a deeper state of materialism pulling the collective thought away ( to some degree) from what was taught by religious organizations. Darwinian thought was at first considered very, very "woo-woo" when it first developed but slowly but surely it was accepted by the scientific community and then by society at large ( to some degree...never completed accepted by certain religions). The church, religion, and spirituality lost its grip, to some extent, on society.  

Industry was developed.  The industrial age pulled people into this blind need for productivity above the old devotion to forces that could not be seen. Religion was still there, controlling state and human minds to some degree, but the "spirituality" seemed to be stripped from it. There was also little room for emotionality, artistic expression and creativity (which are facets of spiritual connection) because they  got in the way of what we could produce in terms of product and capitol. The physical body...needed to produce...became the be all and the end all. Meeting its needs, keeping it pleased and happy etc  was promoted as the thing to do and humans began to identify themselves with their bodies at the exclusion of emotion and spirit. Physicians became the mini-gods and artists, emotional beings, those who still saw or were connected to the spiritual were locked away. (Bedlam)

Even the mind and the emotional heart was excluded from the picture. It was "woo-woo" to be inspired by something deeper than the body, that collective need for productivity. Being pulled into your artistic inspirations, being expressive with your emotions especially your vulnerable ones that might get in the way of your productivity, and connecting to the invisible realm that once guided all humans so directly was  still "woo-woo"...was very, very woo-woo. Even psychology, up to a few years ago was a "woo-woo" science.  It  still is to some degree. People were, and still are,  ashamed of the need for emotional and mental support...for recognizing those dimensions of being within themselves. There was a "woo-woo" stigma attached to seeking help in these areas. It was perfectly okay to go to a doctor for the body but to go to a "shrink" for the mind or emotion..."woo-woo". Imagine, then. what it was/is like to seek help for the spirit.

Religion has lost so much of its control to science and industry over the years. People who are connected to their faiths now, who push aside the findings of science, or the need for productivity, who are said to be very religious or those that put their faith first are also considered "woo-woo". 

There were always people who remained directly connected, for one reason or another, to the spiritual realm as the societies of the world changed over time, even if they didn't practice a particularly acceptable religion.  These people were not only ridiculed for their connection to the  "woo-woo" but were punished over the centuries for that connection, even put to death. Yet, there were always spiritual people who seen beyond the cultural beliefs of their times...who were directly connected to something bigger that could not be seen by most. Yes...when they shared what they were understanding or even experiencing to be truth...they and what they shared were definitely slapped with big "woo-woo" labels.

Society was terrified of the unknown.

 In the late 1800's and 1920's we see a subtle shift away from condemning ...to a questioning and a wanting to believe. We have Vivekananda and then Yogananada teaching yoga in Europe and North America, Allan Kardec and then Edgar Cayce  researching and sharing the findings of their research. Something shifted, albeit not greatly, with the "spiritualism movement." 

Then in the 1970's we have a physician (a scientist and researcher)  Raymond Moodie with his findings on near death experiences blowing away main stream thought. We have an American Physicist by the name of David Bohm exploring consciousness. We have Edgar Mitchell coming back from a space expedition an awakened human and starting IONS- the Institue of Noetic Sciences. We have a psychiatrist, Brian Weis,  accidently uncovering the past lives of a client and a whole field of Past Life Regression therapy beginning.  

In the 1900's a field of science  emerged called Quantum Physics or Qauntumn Mechanics. We have so many "scientists" now exploring the invisible realms of existence, and some delving into consciousness and this spiritual connection. Most importantly we have science discovering that all matter emerges from the invisible...from wavelets of energy.  Hmm! 

Is this really woo-woo then?

Think about it!

All is well. 

Beyond Reaction

 So with everything; as soon as you are attached to anything in the universe, detaching it from the universe as a whole, from the Atman, there comes a reaction. With everything that we love outside the Self, grief and misery will be the result. If we enjoy everything in the Self, and as the Self, no  misery or reaction will come. This is perfect bliss! 

Vivekananda. 

Sanyojana; Knots; Fetters

 Your freedom when it loses its fetters becomes itself the fetter of a greater freedom.

Khalil Gibran

In the below linked video Thich Nhat Hanh describes at least six of the Ten Fetters (flames that destroy). I had to look this up because I am only counting six.  This is what I discovered.

Fetters are knots...Sanyojana...that keep us bound and clinging to that which does not serve. We are not born with the fetters, but the underlying tendency towards them. The fetters bind us and push us to do things we do not want to say or do. For true spiritual liberation, we must untie them.

So, I took what Thich Nhat Hanh taught in his video and using another article on the subject tried to piece together the ten fetters.  The first of the initial six to be listed are from Thich Nhat Hanh, the others are from Dr. Ari Ubeysekara

1.  Craving (Hanh)/ Sensual Desire/Kama Raga (Ubeysekara)...We to need to practice concentration, looking deeply into seeing the danger of running after the object of our craving. Most of us are not feeling happy in the here and the now. If we look deeply, according to Hanh, we would see we have all the conditions to be happy in the here and the now but the flame of craving keeps us from doing that. He said it is like holding a burning torch against the wind- the hand will get burned. It is like a dog chasing a bone with no meat or marrow -the bone will not satisfy or nourish once it is caught and the energy expended chasing will not  be fed. It is like the fish chasing the bait on a hook. Once the fish catches its desire, it is trapped. We need to look deeply, beyond appearances,  into the true nature of the object of craving.
2. Violence/anger/Ill Will/ Patigha-Again we need to practice concentration-looking deeply into this fetter. This flame can not only harm others, it can destroy the holder. We need to practice in such a way that unties the knot of anger before it destroys.
3. Ignorance/Avijja- wrong views...Hanh tells us "we are confsed we do not know where to go or what to do...we do not know what is right or wrong."
4. Inferiority, superiority and equality complex/conceit/mana-We have a notion of self and we compare this notion of self with other selves. I think of  shamer and redeemer ego. 
5. Doubt/Skeptical doubt/ Vicikicca- Hanh tells us that suspicion can come from our ignorance or wrong view (don't have all the truth)
6. Wrong views/- 5 kinds of wrong view: Hanh tellls us that we believe that this body is self, (we won't exist without the body), we believe in opposites (dualistic thinking/dichotomy)-right other than left, birth other than death, inside-outside...sameness-otherness...self-other etc. Buddha taught the middle way is to walk between these opposites;  we have attachment to views and notions -knowledge as obstacle for knowledge(when we think we are right and we know all there is to know about something- this closes the mind and stunts the growth and learning)...We are encouraged to never consider everything the absolute truth...to keep mind open; Ta Kien- perverted views- Hanh relays an example of a perverted view as being our belief in randomization; this idea that there is no cause and effect.  It is like assuming that when we plant corn seeds they have the potential to grow into any random crop other than corn. Many of us  do not believe that suffering comes from a direct cause. And we have attachment to taboos and rituals.

I only counted six of these fetters from Thich Nhat Hanh's video but after reading another article or two I have come to see this as a possibility.

Maybe we can say :

6. Wrong views including Self identity view/sakkaya ditthi- wrong view of self as body, mind, seperate from others. Five aggregates/skandas of clinging to form, feeling/sensation, perception, mental formation, and consciousness.  

7. attachment to mere rites and rituals (silabbata parmasa)

8. desire to be born into a fine material world ( ruba raga)

9. desire to be born into a formless existsence ( aruba raga)

10. restlessness

Hmm! I do not understand them all but it makes sense that we untie the knots so we can be free of the way they are controlling us in a less than wholesome way.

All is well!

Thich Nhat Hanh (2023?) Liberating Our Minds: Untying Knots; The Ten Fetters. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEEMHG6Iwbo&t=86s

Dr. Ari Ubeysekara/Drarisworld (August 19, 2018) The Ten Fetters ( Dasa Samoyana) in Theravada Buddhism https://drarisworld.wordpress.com/2018/08/19/the-ten-fetters-dasa-samyojana-in-theravada-buddhism/

Stop Running with Vipassana and Samatha

 It is possible to live our daily life in such a way that every moment becomes a moment of healing.

Thich Nhat Hanh 

I have a desire to heal, and I have been looking deeply into my running tendencies lately. I am reminded of the practice of Vipassana and Samatha and of a poem I wrote years ago. (Not sure if my poetry takes away from the expression of these two beautiful concepts or adds to it???) Vipassana, as we discuseed in a previous entry, is the act of looking deeply into what is to gain insight. Samatha ( absent of an accent over the s) is a practice of calming the body and mind. 

 If you are deeply wounded, you want to heal. And healing is possible with the practice of stopping. If you don't know how to stop running the healing cannot take place. That is why the purpose of Samatha is to help you to heal. When you breathe in, you brethe in in such a way that makes the healing possible....Your in breath is an expression of arrival....And if your in breath is like that, it has the power of healing.

Anyway, feel a compulsion to share that poem as imperfect as it is: 

Wings

Oh beautiful bird with expanded wing,
carry me away,
to the kingdom my Self longs for,
a place where I can stay.
I put away my running shoes,
my need to hide, to  grasp, to seek  
and close my eyes and wait for you
 to clasp me in your  beak.
Lift me up with gentle ease,
 and save me from my fear.
Take me to that special place
 that exists nowhere but here.

 Place me on  the graceful wing
where time is hushed and stilled
 and where mind and body stop to breathe
as nature surely wills.
Upon your feathery pinion,
I will stretch out in passive form
giving up my struggles and my fight
to resist each passing storm.
I will surrender graciously,
as we glide through spacious sky,
and I will notice how blue it is
while the grey clouds pass us by.

I will have faith in you my friend
to shelter and protect,
as I let go  into the sureness of your strength,
my view you will correct.
As you hold me on your wing,
and we skillfully swoop and glide,
I will know that where you're taking me
is nowhere but inside.
And as I breathe in each precious breath,
I will observe  each internal knot release
from    the twisted  pain of wounded cells
to settle into peace.

Then when there is no longer in me
a place for fear and grief to hide,
I will crawl so gratefully over you
to the wing on the other side.
There, I will lie and look about;
the wonders of the world, I will see
and understand so perfectly
the way it was and the way it's meant to be.
And without a noise of flapping wing,
you will gently set me down
in the home of Self where I never left
and where I always can be found.

Dale-Lyn  May 2020

All is well!

Thich Nhat Hanh/ Plum Village App ( December, 2024) Stop Running. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qch5ISD9Bxo

Pre-Interpretation: A Moment of Pure Perception

 Pure perception means clarity. Perception laced with imagination means confusion.

Sadhguru

A moment of pure perception may arise when you walk into a new space. It is there before the thoughts emerge again. Sometimes we recognize that moment and most times we don't. 

Eckhart Tolle encourages us to notice when presence arises spontaneously.  There is something so pure and magical in those brief seconds before interpretation comes into play. Sometimes this happens when we meet someone for the first time. We might sense their beingness in that time before judgment and intrepretation arise.

Hmmm! Something to think about.

All is well.

Eckhart Tolee ( January 22, 2025) Awakening to a New Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r6fnF3TjdE&t=648s

The One Self

 As the one fire entering into the world manifests itself in various waves, even so that one Self, the Self of all, manifests Itself in every form. 

The one sun is the cause of vision in every eye, yet it is not touched by the defects of any.

In this world where everything is evanescent, he who knows Him who never changes, 

in the world of insentience, he who knows the one sentient Being, 

in this world of many, he who knows this One and sees Him in his own soul, 

unto him belongs eternal bliss, to none else, to none else. 

There the sun shines not, nor the stars, nor the lightening flashes, what to speak of fire? 

He shining, everything shines; through His light everything becomes effulgent. 

When all the desires that trouble the heart cease, then the mortal becomes immortal, and here one attains Brahman. 

When all the crookedness of the heart disappears, when all its knots are cut asunder, then alone the mortal becomes immortal. 

This is the way. 

May this study bless us; may it maintain us; may it give us strength, may it become energy in us; may we not hate each other; peace unto all!!

From one of the Upanishads as quoted by Vivekananda in 2.6 Practical Vedanta, Complete Works