Windows to the Soul

 Windows to the Soul

I look into your eyes

and I see my own.

The shape differs.

I have more crinkles in the corner;

you have more of a slant.

The irises are a different shade of blue

yet ...

there I am.

My undefined and vague physicality

is reflected in the pupils

that you call your own.

I want to look away

...but I don't.

The more I force myself to look,

the more I see

what I thought was me

intertwined in the fibers and cells

of your form,

swimming in the pools of your being,

settling into the home

where I have always been.

Body lines blur;

borders disappear;

and what once separated us

is gone.

I am in you

and you

my dear friend

are in me.

We are one.

 

Dale-Lyn 2017

I thought of this poem I wrote years ago when I listened to Ram Dass speak today. 

All is well!

Levels of Perceiving Who We Are

 Our journey is about being more deeply involved in life, yet less attached to it.

Ram Dass

Sometimes I look at what I call " my life" and wonder what it is all about; why it was the way it was with all its challenges up to this point; why things turn out the way they do; why it is the way it is now.  I wonder who I am and why I am here. You know?  I have always had this questioning in the back of my mind since I could remember and it is that questioning that has led me here to this path I seem to be on now, to the practice that has become more important than anything else to me.  It has led me to this blog, this moment, and to doing what I am doing now...writing about it. 

Not this Body/ Not this Mind 

I do a meditation every morning and part of that meditation is reminding myself that I am not this body and not this mind ( this psyche, this self concept, these feelings, thoughts and beliefs).  I have progressed  far enough to know that much anyway. I somehow see and understand what Ram Dass discovered and taught :

I am going through a set of experiences which is called "living life" and these experiences have a certain function . These experiences if used consciously and intentionally by me are vehicles through which I can awaken to who I am in truth.

This path of awakening to truth is not about advancing  farther on the horizontal line of existence ...not at all.  It is about transecting that line and going vertically deeper. It is all about going deeper with our perceptions.

The Levels of Perception

Ram Dass brilliantly shows how we advance deeper into truth , into seeing and understanding who we are at the deepest level by understanding what we see when we look at other humans through six levels of perception. 

First level of perception: On this superficial level we look at another human being and see only the separate physical body (man, woman, old, young,  fat, pretty etc)

Second level of perception: Here we step deeper into seeing beyond form to the psychology in another human being or self. Many ppl live on this level and are totally preoccupied with their own psychology, mental illnesses, emotions, anxieties and  fears, thoughts and beliefs etc .  They tend to see this psychology or psyche as the "real me" and the body as just the carrier of that.

Third Level of perception: Here Ram Dass describes the astral level...where  we go beyond body and mind to see what the other is in terms of astrology. ( Of course, this lecture was in the late sixties where astrology was a big part of the new emerging culture. It is also a big part, or was, of Indian tradition.  I don't understand it enough to comment.)

Forth level of perception: At this level we go deeper beyond body, psyche, astral sign, to see the being looking back at us. We see another being exactly like us at this level.  We see the "soul". Less focused is based on individuality and more on similarity. We see that:  All the individual differences is the stuff in which this being is encased....

Fifth level of perception: What we see, at this level of depth, when we look into someone else's eyes we see the One Self: see yourself looking at yourself looking at yourself. Ram Dass goes on to say we can see that, There is one awareness in a multiplicity of form.

Sixth and deepest level of perception, : Is what Buddhists call the void or "shunyata" 

I disappear and you disappear...and we are dealing with what the Buddhist call "void"or in the New Testament "before the word"... before the vibratory uniqueness...or why God is unable to be spelled in the Hebrew religion.  It is unspeakable, unknowable, unseeable, ...and inconceivable...

Who are you?

So the question remains, "Who are you?  Who am I?" To understand taht answer we need to go beyond surface identity. This is what ram Dass has to say about it:

....the deeper we go the more profound the identity

I am the void who manifests as the one who becomes the many who has a unique set of factors to work out through a unique astral, psychological, and physical body.

Understanding who we truly are means looking into two concepts we may have been conditioned to reject or be overly identified with. 

Reincarnation and Karma?

I have taken a body to do certain work and when I am finished that work I will drop that body

He, of course, includes two ideations which are still often  viewed as "woo-woo"in the west: reincarnation and karma. They are considered to be "taboo" subjects for many Christians.  We have to remember though, that they were not always taboo. The teachings on reincarnation and karma have been removed from the bible and Christian teachings roughly between  the first council of Nicaea  in 325 AD and the second council of Nicea in 787 AD because they didn't make the church a workable situation. Belief in reincarnation and karma would make every human being their own priest, giving them a direct relationship with God.  The church did not want that. 

Time? 

As long as we are dealing with the body, with your personality, with your soul we are dealing in time. Time passes, things change...but in the One...there is no time anymore.  Time is relative...now we are dealing with a place, where you know yourself as taht, you just are....you are going nowhere and you are coming from nowhere. 

your going and coming is nowhere but where you are...as taught by zen masters

The question then arises, what would life be like if we perceived it at the deepest level of our being? 

Imagine what it would be like to see your life as so functional to your awakening and your death equally so the whole business becomes merely a process of growth, and awakening, and opening and deepening and clearing, and shifting channels. There is no problem about transitioning...no problem with holding on out of fear.  It is just opening

Wow ! That was some pretty profound teaching for one day...at least it was for me. What do you think? 

All is well.

Ram Dass/ After Skool (Sept 27, 2021) The Freedom of Being Nobody-Ram Dass. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWJXdr0mQ0s&t=363s

A clean and tidy inner state is more important than the outer one

 There is nothing more important than your inner state of consciousness... [When we get upset about something out there] it is a reminder then, that there was a confusion about importance, what matters and what is secondary and what is primary. Secondary is the external situation. Primary is your state of consciousness that you bring to it. 

Eckhart Tolle

My goal has always been peace in lieu of suffering.  I have committed to keeping my inner state serene over creating a semblance of order in my external state.  It shows.  I looked around my house yesterday as I was watching my grandson.  I was exhausted from the morning, a lot of stair climbing, and before I received my grandson so my daughter, who dropped a 300 lb mulcher on her foot at work ( missing the steel toe) could do the 11 hour wait in emergency, I was all about just meditating, and revamping with  the evenings yoga class etc...my inner work.  Things changed, of course, which is perfectly okay but I realized that I choose automatically to put my remaining  energy  to peace and being fully present (especially when I am with the grandchildren) rather than caring what the house looks like.  It was disastrous.  There were toys from one end of it to the other ( fur balls and dust bunnies as well), dishes in the sink, pet dishes scattered from one end of er to the other, laundry piled up in the washroom, and like always when I feel this way, I shut down to deal with the task at hand...being present fully for my grandson and constantly observing and taming my mind before it gets too crazy.  That is a full time job. lol. Well the Xray revealed that there was no fracture but by the look of it, she will not be on it for a while. No grandson this Thursday, so maybe I will have to clean the house from top to bottom after all. yuck!  I would rather choose peace lol.

All is well.

"This is not worth losing my peace over."

 I am the prince of perpetual peace playing in a drama of sad and happy dreams on a stage of eternity.

Yogananda

Mantra of the day (of every day): "This is not worth losing my peace over."

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( November 20, 2023) Choosing Peace. https://tou.org/talks/

Sleepy November

 Peering from some high window, at the gold of November sunset and feeling if it has to become night, this is a beautiful way.

e.e. cummings

 I don't know what to write about today. It feels like there was so much exposure lately.  I feel the urge to pull back a bit maybe and just breathe.  I like to observe nature when I breathe in. 

Lovely cool, crisp November day out there. I am looking out the window  and seeing the signs of a changing season. Winter is coming. So many changes.  Trees are naked. The earth covered in heavy frost and dusty wisps of snow in the morning.  Cars have to be started and run for a while before anyone is brave enough to crawl in them. 

I find myself wondering where my crows went.  I have not seen them in days. ( "My" crows lol...as if they are "mine"). Just meant the murder of  crows I have been feeding all summer.  I named them all and got to the point where they would come when I called them.  I could get pretty close to them as well and they would look down at me as I spoke to them.  So cool :)  I do hope they are okay. Now that food source is limited, I expected them around more.  Maybe they flew south to a warmer area.  I still put the feed out for them but my dogs tend to eat it, just for spite, I am sure.  They are very territorial and do not like me feeding or talking to  other animals. :) 

Speaking of feeding other animals, "my" visiting bear ( oh another claim to that which I  can never claim, lol)...is likely preparing for hibernation. Don't notice his tracks, or scat in the yard or on the trail I walk anymore. Have not heard or seen him outside at night in quite a while.  

The spiders on the troughs outside my windows...and there are many ( I cannot kill them or disturb their webs despite how unappealing...or scary ( they are rather large) their presence  may look)...I discovered are in something called "diapause" right now, which is just a very sleepy metabolic  state meant to help them survive the harsh Canadian winter.  They can still wake up on warm days  to eat.  I did scatter some of their prey covered webs that were standing out because of frost. They were no longer needed and  were creating more of a Halloween scene, then a Christmas one lol...I did my best not to harm the actual spiders.  

Most animals are gone.  No more robin song :( , but there are the Chickadees to listen to and the Jays, whose squawking over the acorns, have diminished a lot in the last few weeks. The deer are also visiting. Glad to see that the left over apples which were so, so abundant on my trees this year (an inner thankyou to the person who gifted those trees to me...they were absolutely lovely every year in their beauty and their harvest) are being put to good use. 

Hmmm! This really is a lovely time of year.  The light is amazing...cloud cover is usually darker but the light beneath that shines through is silvery and almost ethereal in its radiance.  November, though it seems like such a sad month, is simply just a sleepy one...yawning and stretching before the world goes to bed.  

The world is such an amazing thing to observe, no matter what season it is. Don't you think?

  

All is well!

Relaxing into the "Little Stupid Things" of Ego

 Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Rumi

I have a big ego still.  I am fully aware of it.  Though it often still  pulls me into its dramas and I get all caught up and tangled up in its issues...I do know, at some deep level, that I am not my ego.  I can pull myself back, more and more, from this ever demanding and compelling object of consciousness and simply observe it.  

Most of the stuff I write here is just observation of this ego at play. If I am observing it, as in recording its antics, I am not it.  Am I?  I go from being the object of consciousness (or assuming I am that) to being the Objective Observer of an overactive ego. I share my observations in hope that you will observe your own ego at play and therefore disidentify from it. And I share because it helps me to disentangle myself from this "problematic me" so I can, more and more, become aware of the consciousness that is observing, the consciousness that I am. 

You are a beautiful being staring at something that is not beautiful

As Singer tells us in the below linked podcast, in our sadhana/spiritual practice, we are not to put our energy into getting rid of the ego. When we do that we simply create another ego with another name.  We develop a spiritual ego (and I am often guilty of doing that).  Our goal is to simply be aware of ego's presence in our lives and not be disturbed by it.  Watch it, feel it, experience it without getting lost in it, without being disturbed by it. We maintain the Seat of Observer and ego is just one of the many things this Observer observes. 

The practice is all about being comfortable in this role of Observer of ego. So when ego acts up, as its nature, we observe and feel the disturbance. We recognize ego and what it is doing. We notice the way we feel inside...maybe fear, anxiety, shame and then we relax into this experience.  We do not expect ego to relax...that is not its nature.  Remember ego  is simply  the accumulation of all the stuff you stored inside: your likes and dislikes, your attractions and aversions...your strong emotions.  Often the ego was built on pain. If that stuff was stored in pain, it comes up in pain. We then notice the anxiety, the shame, the fear, the anger etc should it arise. We do not expect or demand that these emotions be anything but what they are either.  We simply recognize them, observe and allow them to be what they are. We can, if we are so inclined investigate further into them but we do not have to until we are more comfortable with watching ego.  We try to be  kind...or at least neutral... in our response to what we are observing; detached from that which we are observing...knowing it isn't who we really are. If I am observing it, it isn't me.  I am the "I am " observing. 

Singer reminds us in our investigation of  ego to begin slowly.  We can start with those things that are closer to the surface.  When I awoke today, ironically, I found myself dealing with a minor ego thing and doing my best to relax into it.  I recalled, for some odd reason-not sure why it popped into me head...a photography book I self published years ago for gifts.  In the introduction of the book I made a glaring geography error.  Because the photos I had taken were all about the river I grew up on I mistakenly said this river flowed into the Bay of Fundy, when in reality it flows into the Northumberland Strait (something I actually knew so well...aha ego just  stepped in there to tell you that I was someone who knew lol).  My "academic" ego, the ego that likes to be seen as smart was really bothered by that mistake but because I had already handed out the gifts there was no way of correcting it.  My ego led me to feel shame and embarrassment. In fact, whenever I think of that book, to this day,  I feel my face flushing and the tightness in the belly.  I automatically try to suppress the experience of recall back down into the recesses of my subconscious.  

And it is truly such a little stupid thing!!

Today, when it came up, I remembered Singer's words about relaxing into ego and its emotions (not knowing that that would be today's podcast topic, as well). I observed the ego activation, the shame and embarrassment.  I recognized ego in it all and I reminded myself I wasn't that academic that wanted to be seen as smart...that was just ego. I was the Observer of this ego in action. I  noticed but said "no" to that strong temptation to suppress. I breathed and relaxed my body as much as possible.    I sat with the experience as I recalled the book and the mistake. I felt the feelings in my body.  I recognized and allowed it all as I observed. The body relaxed, the feelings passed through, and it was over. I can think about that book now and the experience I have is so much better. (Though I know I would still feel embarrassed if someone mentioned the mistake to me etc...ego, I know is not gone lol) .  Anyway , this relaxing into what is works. 

An ignored guest quickly leaves

Sigh, we are not the ego. We are Consciousness and from there, simply Observers of the "little stupid things" ego does. Ego, is probably going to be sticking around for a long time for most of us, at least. We can learn to be comfortable observing it.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( November 19, 2023) Understanding Ego: Everybody Has One. https://tou.org/talks/

"Negating Nagging Needs"

 

Everything changes when you change.

Michael A. Singer

In this great talk Singer once again explains that in order to change the world, we  simple change ourselves. All this suffering we feel and observe is not because of anything that is happening out there...it is because of our inner reaction to what is happening out there.  This event (whatever it may be) that shows up in this moment...really has nothing to do with us. It is simply happening for a myriad of different reasons, with a million different causes and effects. Yet, if it isn't the way we assume it should be, if it doesn't meet our expectations, doesn't relieve some of our own inner turmoil, and if it, in fact, stirs up our inner turmoil...we actively resist the outside event and label it as "bad, wrong, or shouldn't be". We push it, and the emotional energy that surrounds it, away which is equivalent to pushing it down into the recesses of our minds and hearts to be triggered again and again by outside things. This creates a blockage or samskara and the Shakti ...the free flowing innate and powerful energy of peace, love, joy and bliss, that is intended to flow through us, gets blocked or tangled up in these blockages on its way through us.  That creates disturbance and emotional energy that we judge as positive or negative. That creates our neediness. 

It is not the event...it is whether it opens you or closes you and that is up to you...if it closes you feel terrible...if it opens you you feel great cuz Shakti is able to flow around the blockage

We either  open or close in reaction to a trigger and a samskara activation.  That opening and closing is something we do. Therefore, it is something we have the power to change.  We cannot change the world around us to make it suit our inner worlds, no matter how much we try, but we can change our inner worlds so we are no longer so easily triggered and disturbed by the world around us as it does what it does. We can become joyful, and loving unconditionally by staying open. We can get rid of those blockages that prevent us from experiencing the free flow of Shakti through us. We can learn to relax and release into what is without preferring or wanting it to be different than what it is. 

"Negating nagging needs",  is what yoga is all about.

All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( November 17, 2023) Understanding the Root of Need. https://tou.org/talks/

 

Message in a Bottle

 

 Message in a Bottle 

 

Dripping with my truth, 

the pen bleeds a message 

onto barren  paper.

In a cursive awkwardly mastered, 

loops and twists form the first 

 inadequate words: "Dear Reader..."

 

I know not who this reader is 

that I write this message for....

It matters not, I guess

 to the being doing the dictating,

to the being in the depths of me

who commands in a voice 

so small but demanding,

"Write! Just write!" 

Lost in the call, 

an insignificant  branch 

that bears no fruit at its tips,

I pour out my life learning, 

my pain and my sorrow,

my joy and my awe.

I try to describe

all the still and moving images 

my mind has snapped 

and frozen in time over 

the wake of many fading decades.

I write until my hand is tired 

and the loops and twists, 

despite their longing to be eloquent, 

 become nothing but 

exhausted broken symbols 

that are difficult to decipher. 

I cannot help but sigh.

The message, I must trust, 

will transcend the scribbling in its clarity,

will extend beyond the page 

with little help from "me".

 

I sign a name 

heavy in its obscurity,

 before lifting the now inkless pen

from that which it so lovingly caressed 

only a moment before.

 

I then roll the paper, 

and this truth it carries, 

unceremoniously, 

into a tight little cylinder 

before awkwardly stuffing it

 into the narrow opening

 of the somewhat resistant glass bottle

I had chosen.

Sighing again,.. 

I seal the message 

into this container 

 in preparation 

for the  long, uncharted 

journey ahead.

 

Standing on the shoreline of eternity, 

I close my weary eyes. 

With breath sucked in, 

I swing my arm back, 

then forward, before

releasing with quiet reluctance, 

this ship or this casket-

whatever it will become-.

into the air.

My words 

are pulled up and away from my grasp, 

released into the ocean's waiting arms.

When I feel the cool splash 

of their departure on my satisfied skin, 

I know my job is done.

 

What happens now

to this message 

with those hastily scribbled words 

is out of my hands.

I may never know where 

it will end up. 

The waves of Life, 

not me, 

will decide its fate.

 

Maybe, 

its destiny will be 

forever entwined with the ocean's,

bobbing up and down 

with every crest and trough,

floating without purpose 

beneath eternity's endless skies.

 

Or maybe... 

it will be guided by fate's tide 

to some distant sandy shore  

where it will be pulled onto the beach 

to lay quietly, collecting  the suns rays,

glistening in the spectrum  

of its color, until it is noticed. 

 

Maybe ....

a passerby, 

attracted to the reflection of light 

coming from this 

well travelled glass container,

will bend to pick it up.

Maybe, the bottle will be unsealed  

by these same curious, 

serendipity -trusting fingers, 

and the paper pulled out.

 

Maybe....

what I have written 

will be read

and maybe ....

it will be received with openness and awe,

while the reader gains 

even just a speck of wisdom

from the life lessons 

I have painstakingly transcribed.

 

Or maybe...

the message will lay 

exactly where it has landed,

unnoticed and unread…forever.

And, with no eulogy or epitaph 

to lift it from insignificance,

be slowly buried 

beneath the wind blown sands 

it rests upon.

 

I do not know where 

this message in a bottle will end up

or if and how it may be received. 

That is not mine to know. 

I did what I was here to do,

I wrote and I let go.

I released  that which was never mine

back to the Source from whence it came.

The rest is not up to "me". 

© Dale-Lynn, May, 2023 (Reworked November 17, 2023)

No Need to Belong. Just Write!

 There is no worse flaw in a man's character than that of wanting to belong.

David Adams Richards

Now Maslow might have something to say about that but I agree with Richards.  One of the things that holds us back from flourishing as human beings is our need to have others like us...and our greatest fear is rejection from the social pack.  In some regards...as long as we identify only as bodies and minds...this fear makes sense.  There is a reason why our amygdala's perk up and our fight or flight systems go into full activation when we are being criticized, shunned, bullied or rejected.  We are social animals and we are interdependent on one another for our survival whether it be a physical survival or a psychosocial survival. That is why "belonging" is the third tier  of Maslow's pyramid. 

Yet, this wanting and this fear does not belong to the soul...the essence beneath the body and mind and whatever set of circumstances it was born into or was called to endure in this lifetime. It belongs only to the body and mind.  

And, as Richards depicts so brilliantly in his characters, the Human Spirit is much greater than body, mind or circumstance.  As long as we are wanting to belong we are lost in the superficial layer of existence and not going deeper into where the Human Spirit is.  The brilliance and potential of human character to shine is being denied when we prefer the superficial over the depth. This desire for belonging/this fear of rejection stops us from expressing ourselves authentically and honestly, from honoring the truth of who we are beneath the surface layer of our existence. We will not grow in character. ...as say... John  Delano has done. 

Hmm! Well that is what I see as being meant by this quote. I am thinking of David Adams Richards this morning because I had the opportunity to see his new documentary The Geographies of DAR last evening and it was brilliant.  The cinematography was amazing depicting my area and the setting for the stories written by Richards so well. It blew me away and it inspired me so much to write. (And to photograph which I have not done in so long.)

David once offered to help me out in my writing by reviewing some of my work and helping me to get it published.  He is that kind of a person: humble, kind, and with a great love for Canadian literature and its writers.  I, feeling awkward (awe-struck) in his presence and assuming that I would never belong in the circle of great Canadian writers, did not take him up on his offer.  My fear of rejection...of being reminded I was not good enough...of not belonging was too great.  Sigh!  He is a very busy man and I also did not want to take advantage of his kindness by adding more busyness to his life.  

My wanting to belong ironically may be keeping me from belonging.

At the same time I take these words to heart and hear myself (or David saying in not so many words) , "You do not need to belong! You do not need approval from the Canadian literary scene. You just need to write. Just write!  It is not about what happens after you write...it is about the writing and the expression and the creation. So, just write and get it out there to someone ...it doesn't have to be everyone...but yes it has to be read to finish the circle. So find readers ( 200,000 or two-it doesn't matter) for what you write without fretting whether you will ever belong to the writer's circle. Belonging is not important to the Soul in you that wants you to write.   Do what It wants you to do: Write!! Life will take care of the rest."

All is well!

You need to see:

Monique Leblanc/ National Film Board of Canada ( October, 2023) The Geographies of DAR. https://vimeo.com/866878427

The Choice With Suffering

Hope you are prepared to suffer?...There are two types of suffering: The kind you run away from that follows you everywhere and the kind that you face and that's the gateway to freedom.

Jack Kornfield

We are all looking for peace...well not so much "looking for" but wanting to return to that state we are.  We can do it on two levels: we can avoid anything we feel might disturb us farther (as most of us do) or we can simply turn and face that which is disturbing us. 

When we take the first option  we tend to run from disturbance without ever getting away from it...we, in fact, create more disturbance in the long run.  Or we can turn around and face those challenging and difficult emotions that are emerging because of some trigger out there. 

Running From Suffering

 For example, someone pulls out in front of you while you pull out of an intersection and that triggers an old samskara or tendency in you (you unconsciously  want to avoid anything related to near accidents because you had a terrifying accident in the past...the emotional component of which you suppressed inside you because it was too challenging to deal with at the time of the accident). In a matter of seconds you are slamming on your brake, you feel this rush of blood and emotion pumping inside you. Automatically your hand goes to the horn and you start to beep, and honk, and beep...sending a lovely hand gesture to the car that pulls away with the red faced driver in it. It seems to take forever to get the heart rate and breathing back to normal.  You tremble all the way to work.  When you get there you have to tell everyone about this incident and the terrible stupid driver, who should never have a license, that cut you off. You think about it all day and fear having to go through that intersection again after work. You reacted to something disturbing ...you reacted to something you were trying to run away from for a long time ( the emotional energy of the accident you had years ago)...But you just cant seem to get away. 

If you make the other choice, however, and turn to that which is disturbing you, you  will do a multilevel healing. You can instead of running further away... push the door that is opening because of the disturbance...the reaction... all the way open and walk through it.  You can walk through the chatter of the mind...the painful thoughts, feelings and beliefs that seem to be pushing you out. It may be scary and confusing but if you see the door opening and know that on the other side of it is healing, you are more likely to walk through that gateway. 

Sure we have to recognize, acknowledge, allow and accept the disturbance at these gates  before we can walk through  but being willing to do so is what will save us. 

Face Suffering

If this person who nearly had an accident took the second option and just pulled over after the incident;  if they took a quiet moment to recognize what they were feeling in that moment, "Oh man that really scared me.  I feel terror and anger. I am reacting to this experience.  Maybe, it has something to do with the accident I had years ago? " , they would not have suffered in the way they did in the first scenario.  If they were to allow it, and to nurture self a little bit they would have had a different experience. Instead of following the desire to constantly push the samskara back down while they got lost in the reactivity of the incident, there  was always a better option. 

We can, in similar moments of reactivity, of suffering,  recognize what the mind is doing with the incident...recognize what the heart  and body are feeling...instead of pushing it back down...sit and be aware of it. We can find some love and compassion for it and for the self experiencing the momentary experience, our reaction to it, and to the old wounds that have been triggered.   We can notice the impersonal nature of it all .  "I am not the only person who reacts like this, who has this type of pain inside them." Then we can take that loving kindness and compassionate awareness and expand  it to others who may be suffering. 

This is what will bring us back to peace.  Facing suffering will take us where we want to go. 

Hmm! Well that is what I got from this.

All is well. 

Jack Kornfield/ The Knowledge Podcast (Jan 10, 2023) A Practical Guide on Finding Inner Peace.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9ayv-y4XBo&t=19s

Sunlight

The sun could be used in the sense perceived Universe for God.  The sunlight comes from the sun giving life to everything here.  The sunlight is not separate from the sun.

Eckhart Tolle

All is well!

Noticing the Heart

 The yogi leaves the world alone...leaves the mind alone and with the power of witness consciousness becomes aligned and absorbed inside the heart.

Michael A. Singer 

Absolutely loved this talk this morning.  Contrary to what I have been taught in my years studying psychology, the heart is the root of all that goes on in the mind, not vice versa. The heart is sensitive and so often full of fear, sending its neurosis to the mind to deal with and in turn the mind becomes a drunk monkey stung by a scorpion. Hmm! As  yogis, we are not here to stop or change the mind.  We are here to simply notice and allow all to be while we lovingly and compassionately witness and understand the nature of our hearts.  The heart is the door that leads us from human tendency to spirit and higher consciousness.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe Talks ( November 13, 2023) The Healing Power of Conscious Presence. https://tou.org/talks/

More on Karma: Be a Mirror

 A mirror simply reflects everything. Nothing sticks to it; no residue is left upon it, and it never makes any judgements about what it reflects. It does not discriminate between pleasant and unpleasant; beautiful and ugly. 

Sadhguru

Words of wisdom from Sadhguru and the last half of Chapter Nine, Karma Yoga and the Energy Body:

Mukti: Freeing Self from Allotted Karma

I keep saying freedom from suffering is my goal...but now I am questioning if I am simply  wanting escape more so than liberation. What about you? Are you just doing the spiritual thing to escape difficulty, or are you  naturally wanting to evolve to the next level? The more we practice meditation and sitting, we are told, the quicker our karmic consequences will dissolve. 

• The longing for liberation or mukti, is not becasue life is miserable....The longing for liberation arises only when life is good, but you naturally want to evolve to the next dimension.  Page 184 
• Those who are able to sit still will find there karmic coil unwinds rapidly (Allotted Karma) Page 185

Aging, Illness and Dying

It was interesting to view this very natural process, of aging and dying in regards to karma. It is all about staying conscious and aware.

• When the pranic (energy) body is feeble it will slip out of the body...death by old age...not being forced out of the body; you are naturally moving out. Page 186
• how rapidly you empty your Allotted Karma depends on how swiftly you are willing to move from one aspect of life to another.  Page 186
• if you function unconsciously, your karma rules you absolutely. As soon as you function with some awareness, the power of karma over your life weakens Page 187
• the human being cannot function without karma Page 188
• If our pursuit of external science and technology were accompanied by the pursuit for inner well being, this would be less of an issue.  Page 188

Responsibility.

We are responsible for our karma.

• If you live with this sense of responsibility, your tendencies will not rule you, and your future will not mimic the past. Page 187

Samadhi

That state we strive for in our spiritual practice, often without knowing what it is, is samadhi. 

• samadhi: an absolutely equanimous state of intellect where you are unable to distinguish between the concepts of you and the other; this or that; here or there...a state of samdhi Page 189
• A mirror simply reflects everything. Nothing sticks to it; no residue is left upon it, and it never makes any judgements about what it reflects. It does not discriminate between pleasant and unpleasant; beautiful and ugly. When your mind becomes like this, you are in a state of samadhi...Page 189
• mahasamadhi...ultimate aim for yogi...ultimate dissolution of the limited identity..a voluntary relinquishments of the physical, mental, and energy bodies...giving up the limited for the unlimited Page 190
• instead of sitting on the beach, you choose to become the ocean. You choose to move from limited pleasure to the unfathomable ecstasy of boundless existence Page 190

The Purpose of Yoga

The purpose of yoga is to lose the identity and become the equanimous, indiscriminate  One.

• The purpose of yoga is to open up various spaces within you that are not you. Page 191
• Initially this "not you" component is just a speck but if nurtured with practice as karmic debris is cleared away...the space gradually expands until it occupies everything within you. Page 191
• in this space you are truly "meditative".  You are now in a state of equanimity- of samadhi-when the dance of duality no longer touches you. ..You are not identified with the game of me and you anymore.  Page 191
• Existentially, no distinctions exists between the life of one being and the life of another...Page 193

On Healing and Being Healed

The healing process can be viewed differently than how we were conditioned to view it when we consider the role of Karma.  Instead of getting rid of the affliction we may begin to view it as possibly having some deeper meaning, We do not attempt to merely  get rid of the effect but look deeply into the cause so we can  transcend or offer transcendence from there. 

• when you heal, you are only appeasing the karmic effect.  You do not have the capacity to take away the cause. If you merely remove the effect, the cause will take effect in some other way.   Page 195
• So do not seek to remove the effect. The effect is only an indicator of a problem; by merely erasing it, you are only enabling the seeds of the problem to manifest in some other way. Page 195
• Pain is an opportunity to bring awareness to your system so you can investigate what is wrong.  Page 195
• never intervene with the karmic process...just help hasten it if you can Page 196
• if you do some spiritual practice, you can handle the  problem from within and minimize its impact on you,  Page 197
• what you may see as mere pain in someone else is also sometimes fuel to make them grow...Page197
• don't attempt to alleviate it...help them go beyond it...Page 197
• The ultimate guidance you can offer is to help someone transcend their suffering Page 197
• ...there is a way out of suffering.  Even though there is a pain, there need be no suffering. The ability to see this difference is the supreme human attainment...Page 197
• not offering temporary relief, but a permanent solution Page 197

Suggested Sadhana

Sadhguru offers a practice...falling off to sleep as if you are falling into death. Makes me think of why we do the corpse pose at teh end of each hatha practice...a reminder to die to be reborn.

• Sadhana...remind self that everything you consider to be yourself is an acquired identity...remind self that all memory is accumulation...detach and put away everything that is acquired including memory, thoughts, feelings , emotions
• See your sleep as impending death (corpse pose)
• If you fall asleep as if you are dying, you will see that your karma barely has any impact on you...199 

All is well.

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New york: Harmony Books 

On Great Literature and Drama (G.O.T.)

 The Dragon Knew

 Over the crumbling city and the death cries 

of those lost beneath it,

the throne so many longed for, 

killed for, 

died for 

is destroyed by one fiery breath 

One thousand sought after swords 

forged by the same fire, 

now  melted into ashes 

by the grieving roar of a beast 

who understood what Lord Krishna and the Buddha knew:

Desire...being attached to the fruit of action... 

is the root of all human  suffering...

Put down your swords, 

your  useless titles and claims, 

learn what the dragon knew, 

and like a flake of Snow 

returning to an endless winter, 

merge with the Life you are. 

Me

(This is not what I meant by great art lol.  It just came out.)

We just finished binging Game of Thrones...the first six seasons we seen years ago  but the last two were new to us. So we went back and started at the beginning. We  binged, I mean, we binged, drawn to every episode like a heroin addict is drawn to their drug. It obsessed us.  That is what great storytelling does.  

What an amazing mind Martin has...what talent. He was able to depict the human tendency, the human drama so well even if his genre was fantasy. And the producers, who took this epic tale and brought it to film in a way that drew the audience in like it did, were brilliant as well. 

How lucky we are as humans to have this type of entertainment, to have art, literature, drama etc to enjoy, express, learn from  and distract with . (Well binging the way we did  may be a bit too much distracting lol) 

There is an essence in great art that goes way beyond the mind. It must be a gift from a higher source to enhance our journeys here. Those that create it are blessed with something that comes from a deeper place than psyche. I truly believe that.

There are messages and life lessons hidden in all of it, as well.  If we look hard enough, we will find it.

All is well.

Expanding the Focus from Negativity

 If you want to have a nice life, come from a nice place.

Michael A. Singer

I am negative?

Yesterday, as ego-embarrassing as it was to be that exposed, I shared how negative I was. (Well, I really wasn't negative, I was just staring at something that was negative...my  perceiving and believing was negative...will get to that in a bit.) Up until that point I was so busy focusing on the negative things happening "out there" that I didn't focus enough on what is happening "in here." Until one is aware of what truly is going on inside, it would seem that we are experiencing the consequence of negative karma. One might even think that I was been punished for something "wrong" I did in this past life or another.

Karma: The Result of a Myopic View

 This wasn't punishment! It was  simply the consequence of a narrowed and myopic view.  That is what Karma often is. I was staring, in a very unclear way, at what seemed to be happening negatively  "to me," and then "in me". I was staring at this or that negative thing out there; I was then staring at this negative feeling and that negative thought stream in here as a result. All of this narrowly focused, but blurry view, was coming from a bunch of samskaras and deeply stuffed core beliefs that were rising to the surface. I was seeing through the lens of old stuffed impressions that blurred and distorted what I was looking at. I was then bumping into Life...because I was not seeing well...and then reacting with resistance to the stubbed toes.  I went from blaming Life for being so darned difficult, to blaming myself for any bad things I must have done in this life or another to deserve such punishment. After gaining a bit more understanding about karma from the masters, and after a  few too many swollen toes, I had to ask, "What is really  happening here?" 

Inner not Outer

 I see now that it was truly all about what was happening in me...not what was going on out there. It surprised me, and even shamed me, to see how negative my inner experience actually was. More than that it floored me to be able to make the link between my inner experience and what I was receiving from Life on the outside.  My inner experience which was an accumulation of all the things I stuffed over the years: my traumas, my pain, my dreams, my  beliefs and feelings, my perceptions and ideas, led to some pretty intense inner reactions and that in turn led to some less than joyful outer reactions. The light I was shining out there was pretty dim when it could have  been so bright. This then, in turn, led to life events that were lacking light. Karma.

I wasn't coming from a nice place, and my world did not seem so nice as a result.  

The Observer, not the Observed

I was also getting all caught up in what I was focusing on.  I thought it was me. I thought I was negative when I was merely staring at what was negative. Singer reminds us that we are not that which we are observing. We are that which is observing.  We are an emanation of the One light of consciousness.  We are brilliant, powerful  and transcendent, unharmed and undisturbed by anything this light shines on. The problem is we take this amazing, expansive light, and using the power of will, focus it down on something that is not brilliant, not powerful and that is easily disturbed.  We focus it down on the "me", the psyche...on this little tiny speck of dust, one speck of 8 billion on a little planet in a vast and spacious universe. Then, if you are like me, we narrow the focus even more, down onto the negative experiences this little me is having, on the problems and challenges.  So narrow and obsessive is our focus, we fail to see anything else. We get lost in what we are seeing; we see it as our identity.  We say things like "I am depressed," when really we, who we are...this lights of consciousness... can never be depressed or tainted by depression.  We are just simply shining our light on depression.  We could be shining this light on anything else, everything else but when we say "I am depressed"...we are narrowing that beam to the depression this one of 8 billion specks is experiencing.

I am not negative!

I am not negative.  I am just narrowing this brilliant light of who I am down on these inner and outer experiences I judge as unpleasant and negative. Wow!

Singer also reminds us that we are not just human beings  or victims to  pleasant and unpleasant experiences, we are God focusing on human stuff. It is all just human stuff we are shining our awareness on.  We are the awareness itself.

Compassion

Hmm!  He also reminds us of how compassion is the highest emotional experience we can have.  We need to look upon our negativity with compassion...understand where it comes from. Instead of trampling down self with self...we are better off being compassionate for our human tendencies.  So many of us get sucked in by these narrow views and get lost in "me".  

Understand why. Instead of denying negativity...accept it, embrace it, look at it deeply as a result of a pain that wasn't dealt with.  Be compassionate with self as we transcend these tendencies.  And from there we can be understanding and compassionate with others who are still reacting from their narrowed focuses. 

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe (November 12, 2023) Understanding Focus, Distraction, and Universal Awareness https://tou.org/talks/

Challenging Negativity Induced Karma with Awareness

 

...if you function unconsciously, your karma rules you absolutely. As soon as you function with some awareness, the power of karma over your life weakens. 

Sadhguru, Karma: page 187

I was thinking of "negativity" again and the effects it can have on our external events giving the appearance that the cause  for it is "out there," not "in here".  But sigh...it is all "in here."

Unconscious and Ruled by Karma

I have been punched around a bit, it seems, by Life simply doing what Life does. Without knowing I was doing it, I personalized it and made it all about what Life was doing to "me".   I once again became a bit punch drunk  resulting in a familiar perspective. My eyelids  were swollen  so I could only open them enough to see the bloody mess around me. There seemed to be more darkness than light. I had my gloved fists in front of my heart protecting it from other blows. That led to a self protective constriction. There seemed to be only fear and trickles of  "That's okay, make the best of it" coming from it. Where  was this wonderful shakti flow I read so much about? This joy? I was exhausted so the ability to move around and away from other hits seemed diminished. I was tense and reactive. It felt that everyone and everything was there to whop me on the head.   It looked like things were challenging and may remain so possibly forever. I didn't even consider the option of getting out of the ring. It seemed like my destiny to be there taking the beating. 

A Limiting Perspective: Peace with What is

 I was trying to find acceptance and therefore peace in my present set of circumstances. I was telling myself again that,  "It is all okay, what happens to "me" doesn't matter anyway.  I want "me" gone and Life is simply scraping/punching the remains of "me" away."  Yet, at the same time I was clinging like crazy to the identity of this "me" (as yesterday's poem shows) so I felt each blow that connected with my body or mind. There was no hope of winning...no hope of gaining joy and freedom...I couldn't see a way out of the ring. It became all about accepting and then surviving what Life was giving me. That's it. I was focusing this amazing light of consciousness on what I could see in the ring from my beat up body and mind. I was staring on something so limiting and negative.  I got swallowed up into that focus....again.

From there I went from wondering why there was so much negative crap falling down around me to accepting it all as something I deserved.  I slipped back into the old erroneous ways I looked at karma. Looking out at life circumstances from this perspective, it seemed a little bleak....challenge after challenge, drawing in negative circumstances like the violent attack a few weeks ago. Awareness of my childrens' suffering intensified leading to thoughts about my fault as a parent...to guilt and shame...fear...more awareness of their suffering etc. I was made aware again and again about my financial situation...any attempt to get out of it seemed to fail.  I was so sure no one would hire me or help me in anyway. I was dealing with physical pain again and felt hopeless in ever having that dealt with, let alone eliminated. The potential to reach people with my writing seemed thwarted...like it would never happen...like I was doing it all for nothing...leading to feelings of defeat and a sense of "I am just not good enough.  Who did I think I was?" It kept getting darker and darker inside me like the November sky.

Not Noticing= Intensifying Karma

And I didn't notice just how negative   my mind set was getting.  I, who spends so much time examining my own mind, didn't quite see how negative I  was thinking and perceiving.  I was all caught up in this idea of "Accepting what is!", removing the "me",  and seeing the 10,000 sorrows as a part of Life.  I didn't notice that the  deep core belief that says "You deserve to suffer...only suffer. It isn't going to get any better for you.  Make the most of it.  Light? No, get used to the darkness. That is your destiny," had resurfaced. And that I was operating from it. 

I was percolating that negative energy in me and then I was putting it out there. The world around me was simply responding to this mindset...to the actions my body, mind and energies were performing based on it.  Still, I kept praying for something out there to change...praying for a break of some kind that would eliminate at least part of the suffering. I was looking "out there" as both  the cause of my suffering and as the solution. I slipped back into old ways of dealing with life.

The Ripple Effect of  Negative Assumption

 Yes, karmic consequence was manifesting in my life but it had nothing to do with any outside punishment that I deserved.  It had to do only with what I was putting out there from in here. I was assuming things that were not true and acting out on these assumptions...physically, mentally, and energetically. For example, I was so sure that when I didn't hear back right away about a little job opportunity, that it had been decided that I wasn't worthy of it. I was convinced that it was decided this person I call "me", who has so much education, experience, skill, creativity, potential etc, was deemed unworthy of such a position.  So, with that assumption in mind I walked away from the opportunity...I did not pursue it further. Did not seek to challenge my assumption. The energy of my emerging  samskaras  and core belief bubbled and boiled inside me and I unknowingly kept putting it out there.  

As a result, other life circumstances based on it kept coming back into my "awareness": made aware again and again of my financial situation, made aware of how little readership I was getting and that I would likely never make it as a writer/motivator and how embarrassing it was for me to even assume that there might have been a chance at one time, made aware of all the broken things in my house that I cannot afford to fix as well as the financial situation of my children that I also could not fix.  The dog got sick leading to an expensive vet bill.  Others got sick around me.  My pain came back and I knew there was nothing I could do about that. 

All this led to other reactions on my part which led to other life consequences etc. I started thinking and living like a "poor person" not caring about the state of my house or my own appearance. I stopped considering trying to publish again and gave up on all the  stuff I have out there now thinking there is no use. It just isn't good enough. I am not good enough.  So, I, in turn, did not seek to give to the reader or get any positive feedback that would say otherwise. I let my house fall to pieces and told the children that in my "poor state" I could not help them...we would have to be "poor" together.  Went into even more debt. Assumed we were all going to get sick and die eventually and that there was nothing we could do about it.  I gave up hope of ever getting a diagnosis for my pain. I was closed, withdrawn, snappy and reactive around certain others I was harboring resentment towards increasing the experience of stress in the household and in "me". 

Praying for A Break

From here...this place of assuming the worst about myself and Life...I went from praying for something out there to change just a bit to make my life easier, to praying for the ability to accept Life exactly as it was.  The latter was more likely to be answered. ..  I found some peace in acceptance but not joy. I assumed that "joy" was beyond what I deserved...starting the whole cycle over again. Crazy!!!

A Crack that Lets Light In

Then as I was attempting to study and understand Karma better, as I was practicing my kriya and karma yoga...and when Life answered my prayers for a bit of a break ...(that came in the form of me feeling more open in the presence of my grandson every week)...some light came in to this place I didn't even realize was so dark.  I saw how different it all appeared in the light...even if it was just a trickle. Something in me opened. I opened my eyes enough to question if  I was actually in a boxing ring with Life.  Maybe it was just my mind.  I decided to test out my previous assumption. 

Challenging Assumptions In the Light

I pursued the job opportunity again and discovered it was simply that the other was so busy she couldn't get back to me.  I now have the little part time position that will suit me much better than what I had been doing. Income without exhausting myself.  I felt this trust in Life opening up inside me again.  She was no longer my opponent. Some money started coming in from other resources. I was drawn, for some inexplicable reason, back to an article I published years ago to see all these amazing comments on it about how what I had written was so helpful and appreciated. I was getting to readers. The sick others around me started to get better.  Hope and help started appearing in their lives a little bit.  The external events were becoming positive.  Why? Because I was opening up to the positive energy within me!!

Karma is an Inside Game

When I judged and reacted to life situations that were unpleasant, I felt negative...I percolated this negativity inside me...I then put negative energy "out there"...I perceived, thought, emoted and acted negatively and I received negativity in return.  That is karma! It is not some metaphysical down pouring of bad luck and penance...it is simply the consequence of what we brew inside and pour outward.

Life was not punishing me! It was never  that there were no positive, life affirming, situations' out there, as well, when I was experiencing what seemed negative but because of my mindset, I was only focused on those situations that reinforced the belief that I deserve to struggle through life. This gave the illusion of being punched and punched again by the "negativity of life".  When all along it was just the negativity of my mind that was accumulating karma.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will...we need to step back and view it from a wider perspective.  When we feel like we are being beaten down...we need to look deeply into that assumption and challenge it.  "Is this true?  Is this belief that I am being punished by Life because I deserve to be valid?  How can I test it?  " Test it...look for the positive and life affirming that shows the untruths of these assumptions.  They are out there.  Widen your lens and capture the beauty as well as the ugliness; the light as well as the darkness, the opportunity as well as the challenge and the joy as well as the sorrow." 

All is well!