Listening to Your Heart; Hearing Your Dharma

...Listen to your heart, you will know what is good for you. 

Ram Dass

"Why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing with this incarnation", is probably the biggest existential questions out there next to "Who am I?" I know it is something I am always pondering, especially recently.  How do we know what our "dharma" is? 

I can try to answer that question by taking what I learned so far and regurgitating back to you what felt good in my heart. :) Being that I just listened to this talk from Ram Dass today, I will be echoing a lot of what I heard...the parts that made sense that is, those gems of wisdom that resonated within me, as most of it did. 

Who we are not...

I think the first part to answering that question is to attempt to explain  who we are,  or more importantly, who we are not.  We are conditioned to believe, as Dass and others including  A Course in Miracles teaches,  we are these seperate little "packages" of body, mind and personality randomly plopped here or there for a finite number of years. These packages, we come to believe, are things we need to defend and protect at all costs from all the other separate packages out there.  Sometimes we even need to attack.  We defend and attack through our judgment faculties and  interpretations of our perceptions, which  are created based on our memories and stored samskaras.  We spend our lives deciding what is "good, bad, should be", as  we open up enough to pull all the wanted into our experience, clinging to "that stuff"  with all our might.  We also spend our finite time here deciding what is "bad, wrong, and shouldn't be" ...closing down, resisting and doing everything we can to push that stuff away.  Of course, pushing away means stuffing down and that stuff gets stored within us, coloring our perceptions, triggering our reactions to life as it is constantly being pulled back up by life events. We create the psyches, the personality, the "me" we think we are when we do this.

As this package of "me"  we then  assume roles that we believe will enhance this me. We look about at the other packages in their roles and we judge and decide if they are good or bad, right or wrong based on these outward packages and what they are "doing" or "not doing". We mistakenly believe this is who we are and who the other is.  We mistakenly believe our dharma  is to find a life-job for this superficial little entity.

Dass reminds us that the idea we have of  me is not who we are. It is just the outer packaging.  What we see in the other is often not who they are...just the outer packaging.  Our dharma then, is not about what this outer package does or doesn't do.  It is what the being inside is and what it wants this package to do while here, in its service. Hmm!

Look behind the mask and make contact with that being and not demand they be anything but what they are

Get Quiet Enough to Hear

Next , in order to understand our dharma is...what we should or could be doing in the service of  God and the universe while here, we need to get quiet; we need to become still; we need to detach ourselves a bit from the drama "me" is playing in and listen with our whole heart as to what part of the dance we are meant to be taking part in.

 ...follow your natural course but stay quiet enough to hear what that is... 

...when you quiet down you will  hear your dharma...what your part is to play

....there is no single form...the game is to be what you need to be...follow your natural course but stay quiet enough to hear what that is...don't "head trip your way through"

Choose a Practice that Works Best for You

How do we quiet down? Well that, of course, is our personal sadhana, our practice.  The means of quieting down are many. And though the paths are plenty, you have to decide which one feels right for you.  What helps you to quiet down the most?  Maybe you need a sangha, a congregation, a group... or maybe you are like me and quiet down  better in solitude and aloneness? Maybe you quiet down in church or in the woods, with prayer or with some form of activity? Experiment with different philosophies and techniques. I practice yoga, I meditate, I try to surround myself with nature but there is something that instantly touches  me and seems to bring me directly to peace when I listen to Buddhist masters like Thich Nhat Hanh teach. I am still working on quieting down and listening. 

Stay Behind, Do Not Get Lost in the Forefront

Remember to detach a bit from the going ons of the physical world and to stay behind the package with  all its entanglements and compulsions.  It can so easily pull us away from the true Self into the melodramas of the false self if we do not stay aware. We have to play the game but we do it from behind the scene.

The game only gets harmonious when, though we play the game fully, we are sitting behind it, ever present, with no attachment...total involvement with no attachment.

We also have to detach from outcomes

Even if our role is to be a Boddhisattva...to do whatever we can to end suffering, we need to realize that suffering will not end. Suffering serves a purpose. Our dharma, then,  is to do whatever we can to end suffering without being attached to whether or not suffering ends.

All Parts Serve a Purpose.

We need to also detach from our judgements of  these packages of self or other as good or evil.  Someone on the surface, who seems so self or other destructive , playing out some heavy karma and possibly even harming others...is still playing a valuable part.  We need both the bodhisattvas and those who are taking part in the Shiva aspect of God ( destruction, chaos etc) for the dance to continue, 

Dass talks about a renown Buddhist lama who wore the packaging of an alcoholic sex offender  while he taught the dharma.  Dass explains how he would often look into the eyes of this often judged "inappropriate and evil" dharma teacher, past the mask of his behaviours and addiction, to see the being that we all share. That being was pure and had every right to speak the dharma even though his outward form of  personality and body was a mess. It was the form that was playing out his karma and the  Being, behind the form, that was fulfilling Its dharma.

Look at the 'Awful Mess" and Be Awe-filled

When we have achieved enough space between Self and self...when we observe our experiences from behind the scenes, we will see tremendous suffering around us: many unconscious beings being pulled by the compulsions of their forms, poverty, illness, pain, depression, loneliness and death. We need to remember that it is all part of the dance.

Once there is that little space you become in awe of the total exiguitness of the design of it all...become aware of the "awful ( awe-filled) compassion" of it all

It is the art of a warrior to balance the terror of being a man with the wonder of being a man. Don Juan 

Don't Resist the Suffering. Go Into the Market Place and Burn

It isn't you as the being that suffers.  It is just the outer packaging that will burn away in the fire of suffering and we want it to burn away.  We want the Being beneath the mess we made calling the shots, don't we?

Suffering is grace...telling us we have a secret stash of attachment hidden somewhere.

The process is taking the stuff of daily life and giving space to just  how it is and taking that energy and converting it and working with it...working with your desires, working with your loneliness...depression etc

Stay in Tune With the Philosophy of Richness

The philosophy  of riches says...I am what I am and here it is and here we all are being just what we are and  it is enough..and when we will be something else we will be something else....giving space to your being as it is. 

"How do we fulfill our dharma"... in a nutshell?

Listen to your heart, learn who you are, and be it.

All is well

ACIM

Ram Dass/ Be Here an Now Network (March ? 2023) Ram Dass: Hearing Your Dharma, Hearing Your Part-Here and Now Ep220 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLGI0l_GmFU&t=2s

Exiting the Comfort Zone

 To be outstanding-get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Alrik Koudenburg

Leaving the comfort zone is not something anyone of us "want to" do but it is something we come to realize, at some point, that we need to do.  That doesn't make it easy though. Oh no!  Even when these comfort zones are stifling, restricting, dark and depressing we resist taking that step out, don't we?

How Do We Get Out of These Ruts? 

Someone approached me yesterday with a question.  "How do I  get out of this rut I am in?" She was in tears.  She had recently left her job for a stress leave that turned into an "I can't go back".  She hid in the comfort of her room for months, in an attempt to escape from the stress she felt the job and the demands of the 'real world'  were causing her.  Now her sick note has run out and therefore so has her income.  In order to extend her benefits, she needs another sick note.  ( And she is deserving of a note. She is sick...sick with shame for being  mentally and emotionally  unwell). She is overwhelmed with sloth and torpor...or what is known in Hindu traditions as an imbalance  of Gunas and a leaning toward the Tamas, "a state of  darkness, inertia, inactivity, and materiality".  In western terms, it is called depression. 

Stuck in Tamas

She says she feels  so stuck, so 'overwhelmed' she cannot even make the call to reach out to a health care provider for a note. Even with kind, supportive guidance and direction from others, she seems unable to help herself get out of this mess...to take any steps forward. She has not been able to keep her surroundings intact and liveable, either,  because of her condition, and she says that looking at it just adds to her stress and her sense of shame and overwhelm...thus triggering her need to escape what she has created for herself in her comfort zone. Yet, she also says, everything requires too much effort for her to even try. So, instead of getting out physically...she is resorting to getting out mentally by numbing as much as she can with sleep, substances and food. She is hiding from reality in this comfort zone/dungeon she created. It is hard for her to get out so she resists even trying.

Hmm! As I pondered her situation and my limited ability to help, I felt overwhelmed.. (This requires professional intervention!). I did, however,  help her to consider and  write down a few tiny steps she could take forward, encouraged her to come out for a nice walk in the woods with me, to spend some time around the horses[ horses are magical in their ability to soothe people in need], and I cleaned her room for her. I will make some of the initial calls but, of course, as an adult, she will have to do the rest.) 

Easier to Observe It in Another.

Oh man...I can see so clearly, as I watch and listen, what she is doing to herself...what her habit mind is doing and how she is listening and believing it when it is telling her, "I can't handle this! Stay here and hide! " I see her standing there, holding the key for her own prison door and I just want to shout, "Just Use  It Already!!!" but all she hears is, "I can't handle this! I can't handle this!! I can't handle this!!"

 I know she has to unlock and push the door of resistance open, so she can get out,  let go and be free. I know she can do it, even if she doesn't think she can. She is not stuck in her suffering, none of us are, she just thinks she is. I want her free, more than I want myself free.  Hmm! But alas...her journey is not mine to control.

We Are All A Little [or alot] Stuck

Besides, it would be hypocritical for me to try.  You see, as I look at myself, I see that I too am in a comfort zone of my own making...one I am not fond of, at all. There is an imbalance in my gunas, as well.  I am fluctuating between the lazy, stuckness of Tamas and the overconcern about outcomes of Rajas. I need a little Sattva ( the harmony and balance between the two) in my life. I am pretty darn stuck! I need to unlock my own prison door before I can tell someone else to unlock theirs.

I see as Life unfolds, that it is painting these  subtle little arrows  on the ground before me...pointing the direction out, but so addicted to this awful thing I created, am I, I resist placing my feet down on these arrows.  I really do not like this comfort zone I made.  I am overwhelmed with stress, barely clean my own space, broke as sh*&, and feeling  more than a little unwell at all levels.  I go from saying,  "Man I got to do whatever I can to get out of this financial, and physical mess in any way I can", as I  seek all  possible means to outcomes of financial relief  only to , when a job presents itself to me, like it did  this morning, yelp "Yikes!"  I  pull back farther into my comfort zone. It is crazy!

Familiar

It is kind of crazy, isn't it, that habit mind will do whatever it can to keep us in the familiar, even if the familiar sucks? lol 

Why are we stuck in the familiar?  Habit mind desires.  That is a given. It has a programmed tendency to want or not want based on our samskaras, our stored emotionally wrapped memory impressions.  These comfort zones are built on "This is good. It was good to you in the past.  It will keep you safe and comfortable, so let that in!" and "This is bad. It hurt you in the past.  It will make you uncomfortable, don't let it in and by no means go out after it!" Sigh. Mind is actually trying to do us a favour with our wanting.  It is trying to protect us. Mind means well but we have to eventually see how it is really leading us astray! 

Opening and Letting Go

As Michael Singer teaches in the below podcast, Spirituality is not about getting what you want [ in this case-comfort and a place to hide from reality]...it is about letting go. If we want to be free, we need to be willing to step out of comfort to embrace the uncomfortable. We do not have to just open our prison doors, we have to eventually tear down all the walls.  We need to stand there open and exposed, relax as Life comes in and then blow through.  It doesn't matter how uncomfortable it is...we need to remind ourselves "I can handle this!" If that affirmation is too much of a stretch, as it might be for someone with depression,  we can instead say, "I might not be able to  handle it right now but there will come a time when I can handle anything.  I'm working on it! So watch out."

Being, at least, willing to consider leaving the comfort zone is a positive step forward...leading to the willingness to open, relax and release. It doesn't mean it is always going to be comfortable outside those walls we built, but sometimes comfort is over rated. Discomfort is worth its weight in gold if it takes us forward. It is meant to take us forward.  If we can open up to discomfort, we can open up to Life and to the amazing flow of Shakti with in us all.

The next time Life paints arrows in front of you that lead to the way out of your comfort zone...follow them!

All is well! . 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 3, 2023) How to Practice being Okay Inside. https://tou.org/talks/

Yoga Basics (n.d.) The Three Gunas. https://www.yogabasics.com/learn/the-3-gunas-of-nature/

Suffering and the Peace Beyond It

Letting Go,

Hearing the bell,

I am able to let go of all afflictions.

My heart is calm,

my sorrows ended.

I am no longer bound to anything.

I learn to listen to my suffering,

and the suffering of the other person.

When understanding is born in me,

compassion is also born.

Thich Nhat Hanh, page 126

I was led to this Gatha today,  in around about  but very synchronistic way. Somehow the wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh was meant to touch me (and I use "me" loosely). His teaching came up in an indirect way through an Eckhart Tolle video and  directly through  an audio book that ended up on my screen. It came to my awareness upon the reading of post entries read by others yesterday that I was reviewing this morning. And it came to me through his book that I have not seen for months but that is now, serendipitously, beside me at this table. 

Upon hearing and seeing his words, like some bell opening my senses,  I was automatically soothed of the inflictions and sorrows that were agitating this body and mind I call  "me" since the early hours of the morning, keeping me awake. I awoke with this incredible sense of helplessness in my ability to ease or stop the suffering of others and myself. I was questioning if I should continue to find ways to "escape" these inflictions or if I should just let go and fall completely into them. I was telling myself, "Just get up and do whatever is placed in front of you to do, regardless of the suffering in you and around you, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you, as a person, feel." 

It was sound and wise advice but I doubted if I was evolved enough to do that. My mind was still looking for ways to escape and I was following it.

These words from Hanh came to me in the arms of grace, you might say.  I needed to hear how this journey  is not about escaping suffering but about using compassion and understanding to transmute it.  We create compost with our emotions ...all emotions...even the difficult ones...and this compost grows flowers. Without suffering, we would not have the compost of understanding, and without understanding, we would not grow flowers of compassion and peace. Hmm!

As it turns out, one of the little things I was blaming as being a cause of my agitation was taken from "me" without any interventions, and something else that I was deeming as a possible "escape place" should I need it, suddenly became available. Go figure.

Paraphrased and relatable gems of wisdom from Eckhart Tolle:

Take one step at a time...make each step of the journey more important than the destination

the most important spiritual practice is to bring together the stillness and the doing

every challenge is an opportunity to intensify your practice

Renounce your thinking, your need to know for the peace that passes all understanding

And from Thich Nhat Hanh's Audio Book:

• All emotion is organic and deserving of our understanding and compassion
• The Kingdom of God/ Pureland exists but it is not a place without suffering...
• We must get deeply in touch with suffering in order to be healed, in order to be free
• There is no path to the cessation of suffering without suffering
• Hell is a place where there is no understanding and no compassion. With compassion, Hell ceases to be Hell
• Our practice consists of generating understanding and compassion and using them to transform hell into peace
• Kingdom of God is in your heart and in every cell of your body...

 

Our practice is not about escaping or ending suffering.  It is about finding that peace that exists beyond it. It is not about conceptually knowing but about letting go and trusting that the more we nurture what is inside and outside of us with awareness, non violence and nonduality, every challenging emotional experience we encounter will lead to the growth of amazing things...compassion and peace being just a few of them.  

All is well.

Thich Nhat Hanh ( 2011) Peace is Every Breath. New York: Harper One

Thich Nhat Hanh/ Tranquil AF ( ) You are Here. Audio Book ..https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMpj0ayG0Mc

Eckart Tolle (September, 2023) How Can I Balance Stillness and Awareness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXrQ-C-QBJg

Release, Don't Protect!

 

"Do I protect or release? Is this worth protecting?"

Michael A. Singer

Those are  the ultimate questions to ask ourselves when we suddenly  feel our samskaras being triggered by external world events, like for example, some criticism we may be hearing from others.  Before we react...we need to settle into that pause between the stimulus ( the remark ..."You are so weird! or ...so mean!" or whatever) and the response: the  usual conditioned reaction  tendency of "How dare you!  I am not mean...you are!"   In that pause that so often goes unnoticed, making it seem we slip into our conditioned reactions instantaneously...a lot is going on. As wanna-be- yogis we need to explore that pause.

Say what crazy lady?

Well, as soon as the remark hits you, do what I have often told my nursing students to do before responding to a crisis: Stop and pursue the 3 B's: Take a step Back (distance yourself from what is happening just enough so you can observe it carefully and objectively), Breathe (so you can calm down  enough to activate that wiser part of yourself), and Begin again ( once you are at least a little more relaxed and ready to practice non reactivity). 

Use the skill of observation  to extend the pause as you observe what is going on inside you after the remark lands on one of your tender spots. (And you know that is what is happening, right? It isn't so much what was said or done but what was triggered inside: a tender, unresolved wounding that you stuffed and that was festering inside you possibly for all your life keeping your mind  busy protecting it...that bothered you. The problem is that you have a mess inside and it is constantly getting poked by Life!)

After a remark or unfavorable life event, you more than likely  want to protect "me" with all its tender spots. That desire to defend and protect is where most of our reactive tendencies come from but instead of sliding right into that reaction...extend the pause from stimuli to response. In that pause, observe the mess inside you unravelling because of the trigger.

Observe how the body is tensing up: maybe you are feeling a rush of heat to your face; maybe there is a knot in your gut, some tension in the lower back, jaw or shoulders; maybe the iliopsoas is contracting making you curl forward in an instinctive desire to protect your vital organs; maybe you are trembling and your fingers are curling up into little fists; maybe your heart is racing or you are finding it hard to breathe. Observe what the body is doing as the  fight or flight response gets activated.  

Observe what thoughts are going on in your head...(before they become words that come from your mouth). The more you practice this, the reactive thoughts will give way to what is beneath them...some deep seated core belief about  your worthiness possibly. Memories that led to that original core belief, that original wounding may surface. 

Observe the feelings as they emerge.  So much energy coming to the surface ...anger? hurt? Observe the mind wanting you to do what you have always done: push back, run, hide again from these feelings.  Notice the desire to want to push it all back down.  

Don't! 

Just step mentally back a bit farther, breathe again if you have to...relax as much as you can.  Observe what is going on inside from that slight mental distance you created and with the clarity you established with breath.  Just allow it all to come up, all to happen as you simply watch it as if watching some play you paid to see. Take the "personal"  out of it because it whatever happens "out there" really isn't personal! Stay objective! Then, when you feel yourself as the objective Observer and not the actor in the play, watching your form be the random recipient of someone else's unconscious triggering ...respond with inspired action, instead of that conditioned reactivity.  

Maybe you will feel inspired to  assertively express how you feel; maybe you will be inspired to simply  smile and walk away; or possibly  you will be inspired do nothing until the other person walks away. All the while you are letting all that so wants to come up to come up and you release it all. It is not about the other person and what they did or didn't do. It isn't about what Life is doing...it is all about the mess inside of you.  You need that stuff out of you.  So allow these outer world triggers to bring it all up and out. 

When you do this you are making the conscious choice to release rather than defend because what you are defending and protecting is not worth defending and protecting.  This  "me" you are so conditioned to protect, is really nothing but an idea. Let it go.  Let it all go.

All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 1, 2023) Ceasing to Protect Yourself from Life. https://tou.org/talks/

Should We Wash Away Karma?

 When you truly understand karma, then you realize you are responsible for everything in your life.

Keanu Reeves

I forgot to mention a vision I had while I was meditating this morning. I was seeking to see light emerging from a dot in this empty room of "me" and seeing that light expand and grow within me and out of me. I could visualize it. As I was doing so,  I could hear the crows outside my windows cawing to be fed ( they are very demanding in the morning and because they seem to  know where I am within my house at any given moment,  they tend to go to those windows when they want my attention...very smart birds!).  Anyway, I began to visualize them as big blotches of the same light I was seeing within myself. I heard cats outside...I did it with them.  I heard the dogs beside me breathing.  I did it with them.  It was pretty cool ...I was seeing light everywhere, inside and outside of me. 

I tried to keep my attention there on the light but  I lost it for a minute and fell into some worry I had about something.  It became a little thought stream. I caught myself in it.  I brought my attention back to the light but it seemed very difficult to make that light grow. Suddenly,  I seen what was like thick purplish black, thick slime growing over the top of this light room I was envisioning.  It crept down the sides and it seemed to dim whatever light I could envision. It was like it wanted to take over. It became harder and harder to get the light to grow and I started to wonder...Is this my karma, sticking to me, dimming the light? Should I try harder to get the light within to expand and grow so it burns off this stuff?  Should I wash this away?  Should I envision myself washing this away?  Or should I simply accept it and allow it to do whatever it is doing? Neither good or bad but what I am given. I didn't wipe it away in my vision.  I allowed it to be and tried harder to envision the light expanding within me in hope that it will eventually push through this dark heaviness, if it is meant to.  

Then later,  I come to the analogy of stuff sticking to a  mirror  in Sadhguru's book and the mention of Karma being like glue that makes us stick to our body mind mechanism. 

Sadhguru warns: If you washed away all your karma, you would exit your body this very instant! page 97

So I am glad I didn't wash away this gook in my vision and I will try my best not to wash away my karma in my waking Life...until it and I are ready to go. Karma is not a dark oppressive thing. It is a glue keeping me here so I can transcend the darkness for light.  Hmm!

All is well. 

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books.

Stuck to the Mirror

 The problem with karmic memory is that it has stuck to you.  If everything that passes by sticks to the mirror, it is a no-good mirror. Your mirror can no longer show your life the way it is. Your perception is now seriously clouded. Now karma becomes a limitation. Page 97

Sadhguru

Not Evil

Karma is just your own creation. It is neither virtuous or evil, good nor bad....pg 97

Memory and karma are not evil things. In fact they are the basis for human life.  Without the creation of memory from pure intelligence ( Shi-va- that which is not, God-that which was not born or will ever die, or the dark empty void before the Big Bang etc) there would be no form. Without memory we would not be able to navigate our way on this planet.  We would not have survived, let alone  evolve as a species to where we are now.  And without Karma which is said to be the glue that keeps us in these physical and psychological structures we call "me", there would be no foundation and with no foundation, there would be no transcendence. Karma and memory add variety and uniqueness to us, as individuals  and to the world around us. They add different splashes of colour, music, aromas to our world.  They make Life the amazing thing it is. There is nothing wrong with karma and  memory. They were created for a purpose.

Our Choice

It is what we do with this karmic memory in our approach to Life  that is the problem. We make a choice as Adam and Eve have done . Instead of nourishing the tree of Life, they began to fixate on the succulence of the end product.  They began choosing  product over process, destination over journey, karma over yoga, knowledge over knowing. They were so beguiled by the consequences of their actions that they began to see life as a means to an end. page 93

Our Prejudiced  Perception

It is because you are looking at it through the prism-or prejudice-of memory that something seems wonderful and something seems horrible pg 97

We unfortunately use memory to perceive with and our choices are clouded with our prejudices, our likes and dislikes, our pulling in and our pushing out. We lose the capacity to perceive existence as it is, rather than as we think it is or should be. page 95  We become overly attached to the unique and individual  form and identification karma provides and these boundaries and definitions harden into the walls of a perceived "self". We create comfort zones with our compulsive: "I will do everything I can to repeat that and I will do everything I can not to  repeat this" ideation. We depend heavily on memory in order to get what we want from Life rather than embrace what it is, ignorant to the presence of chitta. Chitta is the deepest level of the mind. It is awareness, aliveness, a profound intelligence that lies beyond intellect, beyond judgement, beyond karma, beyond all divisions. page 95

Imprisoning Ourselves

We lose a sense of contact with that pure intelligence and wisdom from which we emerged. We reduce Life to a means to an end and we become imprisoned by walls of our own making. 

You have spun such a cocoon of confinement around yourself that now you cannot fly free.

It isn't karma or memory that built the walls of this prison.  We did.

All is well.

Sadhguru (2021) A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. [Chapter Five: How Did it all begin?] New York: Harmony Books.  

Yoga Chitta Vritti Nirodha

 If you can still  the rippling of the mind, than you have experienced yoga, 

Patanjali,  Yoga Sutra 1:2 (paraphrased)

Say What crazy lady?

Just watch how your mind works.  Observe how the desires come in and go, how thoughts and feelings, ideas and beliefs are always changing, fluctuating.  When you notice these fluctuations, what do you do to still them?  

Well, if you noticed ripples or waves in a lake ...how would you still them? Would  grabbing at them, or pushing  them away still the lake? Would diving in and drowning in them serve a purpose? No...it would just increase the rippling, wouldn't it?  

Just step back, observe, and do nothing .  As long as you are not attempting to fix what is not yours to fix, as long as  you, as "a little me",  are out of the way, allowing the lake do what it does...then the ripples will calm on their own. Step back, relax and let the mind do what it does without getting invested in any of it...and it will calm itself down.  That is yoga.

An ignored guest quickly leaves. Yogananda's Guru, Sri Yukteswar

All is well in my world. 

Seeking the False

 It is so funny.  Though I know it is just bot activity spiking my stats and creating  this false appearance of readership...I still find myself cheering as I check the stats each day, "Come on! You can do it! Just a little over a hundred more to get 50,000 readers this month! Only one day left! Come on! Make it happen!" 

I catch myself wanting to see that 50,000 on my stats page, even though I know whatever is causing those number increases could actually be doing more harm than good. Isn't that silly?  This "me" and all its habit tendencies is one crazy chick lol.

All is well.   

Such a Miniscule Time-Frame To Be Who You Are- Use it Wisely!

 What are you going to do in this miniscule time between your birth and your death?

Michael A. Singer

Hmm! I have been heavily pondering that question over the last  two decades or so of my life, possibly pondering it, on a deeper level, since the moment I arrived on this planet. Even before I embarked on the journey of being a human seeking to have a  spiritual experience, I think I have always known... in some strange way, that I was actually  a spirit having a human experience.  Does that sound a little cra- cra? 

Spirit having a spiritual experience...? 

As I looked around the world and the going ons throughout my years...I always felt a certain degree of unease, a sense that  I didn't quite belong here, and  the things we humans were doing  just didn't seem to make a lot of sense to me.  It all felt "off" or,  at least, it felt  I was "off". From the very beginning, I had a hard time being human, of 'keeping up' with what was expected of me. I blamed that unease on the traumas and tribulations I encountered along the way and on my inability to deal with it all effectively.  

"What is wrong with me?" was always my biggest question.  I could never quite settle in this body, this mind, and this experience.  I could never quite be like the others. I think that is why I started looking to develop myself personally in my earlier years, why I was so fascinated with understanding the human mind and body. 

Esteem...

I thought I found the answer to my unease: Esteem.  I had so much hope that I could find peace of mind here, eventually, if I worked hard and didn't give up on "me".  I attempted to build  up this "me" as much as I could: physically, mentally, socially, professionally etc. I went back to school for more years than it ever showed on my paycheck or in my  titles...believing that the more I knew conceptually, the better assured I was of ending the unease. Education, a good job, and fulfilling my role in socially acceptable and expected relationships,  I erroneously believed, would  build my self esteem and the esteem by which others viewed "me".  Esteem as a self, I soon began  to see, however, might not be the answer.  

...not the answer

At first, it was wonderful.  I felt esteemed! I felt like I was finally being a successful human and that what I was doing was working. The temporal nature of the physical world, however, decided to make itself known. The body that I trained hard to be physically fit began to slow down, cough, and sputter. The social image I worked so hard to create fell apart when I started losing all those things I was clinging to in order to define who I was as a human: my marriage, my health, my career, my professional title, my income, my super-parent costume, and my knowledge. Nine years of university, and I suddenly found myself  with nothing to show for it ...no career, no professional title and living below the poverty line. My family, I soon discovered, was suffering  in the ways I feared the most and I had to face that I had no power to fix that either. Life was a mess and I was a mess. What was left of esteem blew out the window. 

Yet, I had hope.  I had hope that I could rebuild "me" and if I rebuilt "me" I would get to that ease I was longing for.  After every set back...I just tried harder...I fought the systems that held me back...I went back to school and took more courses in this or in that (more education, more conceptual knowledge, the mind assured me would fix "me" or fix this mess I was in).  Well, of course that just put me farther and farther into debt and whatever the education gave me was not in earning potential, let me tell ya.  I struggled hard financially to the point where I honestly wondered if I would end up completely destitute. 

...or human having a spiritual experience? 

Throughout all of this "me" building and this "me" falling...I knew, in my heart of hearts, that what I was doing to compensate for this feeling of unease was not the answer.  My compulsive doing was taking me farther away from what I was seeking, not closer to it. I had enough of an epiphany on reading some books by Wayne Dyer and Eckhart Tolle to awaken a tiny bit.  Though I remained entrenched in me and its ever increasing problems and dramas for decades later, and though I continued denying my spiritual nature, I could see the path unfolding in front of me. Maybe I needed to go inward instead of outward for the solution? 

Slowly, bit by bit, I started turning the gaze inward.  I started to observe my mind in a whole new way.  I started observing this "me" I had created and started seeing how it was causing more problems than solutions. I started opening up to this idea of there being something beyond this esteem, this "me".

There is Something Greater Beyond this "Me"

 There was  Something Greater lurking in the background, observing and watching without getting lost in any of my dramas.  There was Something that was always there and Something that would always be there even after "me" in this body and mind passed on. There was a "spirit"(just a word), I realized, and it wasn't "woo-woo".  When I started to see that,  it felt so right.  It felt familiar. I began to recognize (re-cognize as in know again  what I always knew) something deeper. As I began to open to this renewed understanding,  the teachers started showing up in books,  lectures, videos and in person taking me deeper and deeper. I began to meditate and take my study of yoga deeper.  I became a yoga teacher and a meditation and mindfulness teacher ( okay there was still some of that ego incentive there.when I took these courses...that looking towards education and knowledge  to fulfill me kind of thing but I got past that too.) I became a spiritual seeker.

Not the Ego/ Not the Character

Though, I still slip back again and again into ego's need to run the show....I see so clearly now how I am not this ego. I am not, nor have I ever been, what Daniel Schmidt would call the "character,"  I have spent most of my years watching and trying to build up in hope that I would eventually find some peace and ease in doing that.  It was all one big illusion and delusion, a dream.  I see that this "un-ease" that I have always felt is there for a reason.  Truth is, I don't fit in because though  I am in this world, I am not of it.  None of us are.  I have this gut feeling, that I chose everything I am going through or went through,  before I even incarnated in this body and mind. I chose all this so  I could get to this place right where I am now.  

It Took This Long Because It Did...

It sometimes feels like I wasted forty years in this maya...this illusion, this dream state, serving the "me". Why did it take this long? I counter that regret with this mantra, "It had to happen as it did cuz it did. Every event took me to where I am now and that is all that matters. It took this long because it did." 

You do not have to be lost for forty years though.  You do not have to serve the ego instead of the spirit for as long as I have done. You do not have to build up as much karma either.  You can begin waking up right here and now. 

Knowing who I am, I now ask myself on  a deeper level than I have ever done before:  What are you  going to do in this miniscule time between your birth and your death then?   I mean, I spent most of this life so far just getting lost and building up karma...now I want to know how to let go of what is left of this "self" so I can fall back into Self and be free. That is what I want to do with this time that is left. I am acutely aware there is not a lot of time left, that I am closer to death than birth, so I cannot waste a minute.  My sadhana has become the most important thing in my life. I hope you make your practice, in whatever form it may come in, your priority as well. 

Spend this time between your birth and your death as a spirit having a human experience, not as a human having the odd spiritual experience! Wake up!

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( September 28, 2023) Levels of Spiritual Growth. https://tou.org/talks/

Awaken the World Initiative ( 2023) The Awakening Mind-Part One: Know Thyself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUZJea1UnS8

Relax

 If the problem is not outside, the solution cannot be. 

Michael A. Singer

The highest technique [for dealing with the disturbance your mind creates] is always relaxation. 

Michaël A. Singer

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True ( September, 2023) Your Highest Technique: Relaxing Behind Your Inner Disturbance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYGBrG_fDoo

Extricating Yourself from 'self'/ Freeing Yourself from Prison

That is what the game is- extricating yourself from your melodrama so you stop creating more Karma for yourself. 

Ram Dass

I am committed to awakening.  I know in my heart of hearts that it is the way to go.  The only way really. And as I commit again to this process, after falling on my ego butt too many times to count...I get validation through what I read or listen to that this is the only real path to choose.  Peace, joy, love and bliss are already in us and tapping in to that energy flow is why we are here.  Everything else is unimportant.  It really is. 

I am committed to being a yogi and a yogi knows  that it is we, and we alone, that control our own shakti flow.  We are the ones that open the valve (the proverbial heart) or close the valve to this flow. We either open and expand in response to what Life unfolds in front of us so Shakti can flow freely upward, or we close and contract in reactive resistance to what Life offers, damning the shakti flow in the lower chakras. We either look down, focusing all our powerful and beautiful awareness on the puny little me stuff which is so often dark and negative as well as insignificant and unimportant in the big scheme of things , or we look up and around this blob in the center of our vision to everything else: to spaciousness, light, freedom, and truth. We either strive, struggle, cling or push away; worry and fret over how we are going to make everything out there be as we have decided it should be,  or we let go of our attachment to any of it. We either curse karma and challenge for making our little lives difficult, or we honor and thank karma and challenge for scraping us clean. We either experience Life in limiting ways through our mind stuff or we experience it fully through our Souls. We either resist Life or we accept and embrace it fully. We are either suffering through ego's nightmare, or rejoicing in God's dream of us.  We are either imprisoned in these dungeons "me" built around us or we are free.  The choice is ours.

You can not escape from prison until you realize you are in prison. Ram Dass

Our sadhana is all about learning and growing from all of it-the ten thousand joys, as well as the ten thousand sorrows! As I wrote in yesterday's entry, both the wrist wearing the shackles and the wrist wearing the golden bangles are imprisoned.  Though at the  level of body and mind we may long to be the bracelet wearer over the shackle wearer...we must keep in mind that it is the shackle wearer that is aware of their imprisonment and is therefore closer to freedom. 

...suffering is the fire of purification....only when you are lost in your  psychology do you damn your suffering. When you are a soul yearning to be free....you use it all... to get to God.

Ram Dass

All is well!

Ram Das/ Be Her Now  ( September, 2023)Ram Dass on the Awakening of the Soul. Episode 234  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnjS8bqw81Y

 Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( September 26, 2023) Yoga-The Path to the Unconditional Energy Flow. https://tou.org/talks/

 

Honoring the Blows

 Like fire in a piece of flint, knowledge exists in the mind; suggestion is the friction which brings it out. So with all our feelings and action-our tears and our smiles, our joys and our griefs, our weeping and our laughter, our curses and our blessings, our praises and our blames-every one of these we may find, if we calmly study our own selves, to have been brought out from within ourselves by so many blows. The result is what we are. All these blows taken together are called Karma-work, action.  Every mental and physical blow that is given to the soul, by which, as it were, fire is struck from it, and by which its own power and knowledge are discovered, is Karma...

Swami Vivekananda (from the Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda, Volumes 1-9; Kindle Edition)

Karma takes us to the Soul. Life circumstances are blows that help us to unload that which keeps us from realizing Self and experiencing Life fully.  Karma is the accumulation of those blows. It is not in our lives to punish us.  It is in our lives to free us. It makes us who we are.

All is well! 

Shackles or Bangles?

 So to the true yogi, there is only one life.Yesterday you may be dressed in one way, and today you may be dressed in another.  Life, however, stays unchanged. 

Sadhguru, page 79-80 

I so want to understand karma and what is happening in my puny little version of Life. Sometimes I want to understand it because I see myself as a Yogi on a Soul and Self seeking mission.  Understanding karma, then, will help to liberate me from me, so I can help liberate the world. Other times I want to understand it because I see myself as a little self who is suffering and I want to get beyond it.  I feel, in this 'selfish' case, that understanding karma will help "me" to fix all that is broken in "me" and around "me" so it doesn't suck quite so much for this "me". Sigh.  There I am with these great leaps forward into Self and there I am with all the slipping backward into self...as the soul sits back and watches. For now...my quest to understand karma better is based on  motivation belonging to all parts of this "I am". 

Dressed in Shackles or Bangles?

I had somewhat of a vision or idea pop up in my head while I was meditating this morning. ( It was obviously not the greatest and deepest of practices...my mind was busy lol).I was thinking about  karma in terms of how it relates to self-deprecation/ the trampling down and the beating up of the little me. We are to get rid of the "me" in order to be free of karma but yet we have to be careful how we treat this "me" or we will create even more karma.  So in this vision I see two wrists...one dirty and bloody in rusty heavy shackles and one clean and perfect with beautiful golden bangles on it. 

WTFork crazy lady?

 I see certain things as I look deeply into this. It goes a little like this ( Brace yourself.  This is going to be a long one.): 

The Bloody Wrists and Rusty Shackles of the Suffering Loop

 We may be dressed in shackles if we are imprisoned by a suffering mind set. If, for whatever reason I find my 'self' surrounded constantly by hardship, poverty, illness, and mostly the past or present external conditioning  implying "my" unworthiness and my deservedness of such suffering, I may have stored or be storing huge amounts of memory. I may have stored it all under a big file that says, "Core Beliefs".  A "this is what I deserve.  I am not worthy of more",  may be my biggest core belief.  Most of these core beliefs are stored in the subconscious away from our conscious awareness. They constantly get triggered by circumstances in the outside world without us knowing why. With triggering of this belief, I may begin beating the "me" up on a regular basis ...talking down to it, leading to karmic effects. These karmic effects, in a sense, would be the unconscious seeking to fulfill a "self fulfilling prophecy".  "This is what I deserve, so this is what I will seek to get." (Even if it is unconscious compulsion...and most karma is generated by the unconscious).What I think will be 'negative' and deprecating; what I say to self will impact or reflect what I say to others; and what I 'do" for others will have a negative impact.  I may act or speak  too aggressively to compensate for my own lack of perceived power or I may be too passive, not offering others enough. This will accumulate 'negative' karma. It will affect my thinking and feeling, obviously.  Negative thoughts and low spectrum emotions lead to experiences of  anger, blame, judgment, anxiety, fear, insecurity, hopelessness, and despair. There I am chained to some dungeon wall, liking that which may make it better and disliking that which might make it worse as I look out there  for ways to ease this suffering. I find myself struggling, striving, grabbing, clinging, and pushing away. 

Obviously...this is accumulating negative karma. I am not alone in doing this am I? Many of us go through Life as I observe myself doing. That karmic effect is visible in the lives we are living. The more we think and feel like this...the more "depressed" and "fearful" and/or "angry" we become as an effect. In self-deprecation, energy is affected in an obvious way as well.  We feel low, down, depressed, stuck in mud, spinning tires ...getting nowhere...exhausted etc. This affects the physical body as well as the mind, leading to dis-ease. We will notice, then, that what is happening around us seems to be getting more and more negative. We do not have the energy to do anything about it, it seems. Life for a sick body and sick mind is not easy.  One can not work enough to maintain a stable income, for example.  That adds to the negative experience of external circumstances and then to more karmic accumulation and effect. We act out. Others react to our words and behaviours...we see that as more validation for our unworthiness...we react, in turn, with even more negativity. Relationships break down, leading to a strengthening of the belief, more isolation and more of these negative emotions...more karmic accumulation and effect. It is a vicious cycle. I often long to be the wrist with the golden bangles.

Where did the loop begin?

It is not clear where the karmic cycle of suffering begins to the untrained eye, is it?  Did it begin with the external events...the past history, the life circumstances the person was born into? Did it begin in the body...something genetic or biological? Did it begin with the behavioural choices made by the individual self or Soul even ( before incarnation)?  Did it begin with the others involved in the person's story...saying or doing the things they did? Did it begin in the five senses of the person receiving the data or the intellectual mind that interprets that data? It looks like just one big continuous loop  of perpetuating causes and effects when one looks at someone caught up in suffering.  So, though we have a choice and it is our responsibility to change our karmic trajectory, it makes it hard to understand what part of the cycle we need to work on first. We can be so entangled in it we cannot see the way out of karma and suffering. But we likely want out, if that is the case. How do we remove these rusty shackles? It is not about fixing one part of the cycle.  It is about letting go of all of it. We are told enlightenment, which involves letting go of the "me",  is the way to go. 

So why are we not all all seeking enlightenment? 

Seeing Bangles Instead of Shackles

Some days, some lives,  we are dressed in the bangles of "me" satisfaction. Not everyone tramples down the self....some revere it, at least part of the time. Though I think self-deprecation and this feeling of "not being enough" is more than prevalent in the human mind, and though I see so many people around me suffering becasue of it, I do know there are some people out there who are happily entrenched into what seems like a wonderfully fulfilling and blessed period of their life or lifetimes...where all ( or most ) of "me's" needs, wants and wishes are being met. It seems that karma is on their side, like they are not accumulating any karma as they go about focusing on "me" and satisfactorily getting what it needs. Why would anyone want to let go of that? Though the effort required  for "me" to feel good seems  less in comparison to what is required of the shackle wearing friend, the bangle wearer is still struggling and striving, grabbing, clinging, and pushing away. They are still selectively choosing what they will take in from life and what they won't. They are still serving the me. They don't want to be enlightened, to give up this happy satisfied me because they don't want things to change. They don't see themselves as imprisoned but Soul knows they are. 

The human equation was always meant to be like this: to move from being to doing to having. This means we were never meant to act in order to be fulfilled. Fulfillment was seen as an inner condition. It could not be pursued externally. ...For most people, however, this simple equation is reversed.  ...They act in order to have; they have in order to be. page 81-82

Even for the person who suffers a lot...there may be moments when things seem to work out for whatever reason...something gives somewhere along the negative cause and effect circle and some light shines in. The shackles, though they may never appear to be golden bangles, seem a little less oppressive. When that happens the person may be more inclined to believe that all their hard work of struggling, straining, reaching, clinging and pushing away...was the cause of this light coming in. They  may be more apt to keep repeating that compulsive mental, physical and energetic action which they erroneously believe was ending their suffering but  which in truth  is producing the negative karma. 

Both Imprisoned

Regardless, if we are dressed in  shackles or  bangles...the thing is both are signs of our karmic imprisonment. Both the shackle and the bangle represent the karmic loop that hold us down.  One may seem more attractive than the other but both are tethered to this idea of a "me" that  creates karma. One is a suffering "me" and one is a " material -world- satisfied -for- now -me" but both are "all about me".  Both are accumulating karma.  The only real way to be free of the karmic loop is to break the cycle...open the shackle, cut open the bangle, and let the  "me" clatter down onto the floor.  Until we are ready to raise the Self with Soul...to be who we really are beneath this idea of self we adhere to, and serve...we are not really free. 

The karmic trap is always in the choosing.  Choice is the  great human gift: freedom is the great human possibility. However, instead of choosing inclusively, most humans choose selectively. Most choose on the basis of compulsive likes and dislikes, on the basis of attraction and aversion. But when your involvement is absolute-that is, inclusive- you are not operating out of past memory. That means there is no compulsion, no consequence, no entanglement, no choice, no friend, no foe .pg 80

That might not make a lick of sense right now to anyone, including me lol but that is what came out.

All is well. 

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny.  New York: Harmony Books

Raising Self Instead of Trampling It Down.

Let each man raise the Self by Soul, not trample down his Self, since Soul that is Self's friend may grow Self's foe. Soul is Self's friend when Self does rule over Self, but Self turns enemy if Soul's own self hates Self as not itself.  B.G. 6:5  https://sacred-texts.com/hin/gita/bg06.htm

 Different translations from the Bhagavad Gita's 6:5

Elevate yourself through the power of your mind, and not degrade yourself for the mind can be the friend and also the enemy of the self. https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/chapter/6/verse/5

Let a man lift himself up by his own Self alone, and let him not lower himself; for this Self alone is the friend of oneself,and this Self is the enemy of oneself. https://shlokam.org/bhagavad-gita/6-5/

Let a man be lifted up by his own self; let him not lower himself; for he himself is his friend, and he himself is his enemy. https://vivekavani.com/b6v5/

Hmm! Back to that line from the Gita that was swirling around in my head for days now. It has been translated from the original Sanskrit into English in different ways, as you can see.  Each translation is going to alter the meaning slightly.  I am thinking the translation that Michael Singer oftens refers to is the first one. So in this translation I see three concepts of self possibly in conflict: Self ( capitol S), self ( small s) and Soul.  It looks like the self ( little me, ego, maybe...the personalized mind) belongs to Soul...... and the Soul is the mediator between self and Self? So we are asked to  use Soul ( the individual essence of who we are) to raise the Self (the collective essence of who we are/ higher consciousness/impersonal mind), instead of trampling down the Self/self with Self? Soul is pleased when Self has control of Self ( mind maybe) but if self hates Self...refuses to see itself as Soul because it is so wrapped up in personal mind maybe, if shamer ego has the reins...then there is a conflict between Self and Soul.

 Let's put that into easier to follow words: 

It is all about listening to soul over ego, impersonal mind over personal.  For us  to grow...as we are here to do... we must  befriend who we are in all our forms. We don't beat any part of ourselves up (trample down)... Most of us are still so over identified with the "little me"...the ego self ...the personal mind... that we don't even acknowledge the soul or the Self.  We are lost in the "me" drama.This little self grows under this attention to the point it is who we believe ourselves to be at the expense of coming to know  who we truly are ...a soul seeking to embrace Self.  The self  begins, then, to run the show...self rules over Self, personal mind rules over impersonal mind. This, of course, interrupts soul's mission here.  This is one of the ways we accumulate karma. 

Don't trample down "little me" either

Sometimes this "little me" is not kind to itself. Sometimes it even hates itself.  Speaking in terms of the psychological ideas of self concept and self esteem , which may not be important to the Self ( the light of consciousness), we can often trample down ourselves with our negative self talk etc. So not only are we lost in an ego ...we are lost in a very self abusive one. We beat ourselves up, we trample our selves down.  We live in the lower negative  energies and that is what we use the light of Self to shine on. What a waste of precious energy. We take this amazing powerful light of awareness and shine it down on this little speck we call me and when we are not liking what we see, we see only the negative. 

Karmic Effect

We may not care for the  body, mind and energy  Soul is in, in a positive way. This accumulates karma, as well.   It is important to note that both karma and the law of attraction are real universal laws. The law of attraction works both ways. If our focus is on the negative, we will attract negative circumstances into our lives. (Even if this seems like utter woo-woo,  think about that for a minute. How many positive things happen to you and around you when you are having a real bad day? If you are miserable inside, you see only miserable things around you, right? You are more likely to stub your toe and curse the world for putting whatever that was in your way. You are more likely to bonk your horn at the person driving too slow in front of you, or  snap at someone you love...causing some extra conflict and  negative karma there, right?   Your thoughts and feeling about yourself are also negative so you are less likely to embrace opportunity  and reach your full potential etc. It is just the way it works. )  If we are still over identified with little me's drama we will continue to react negatively  with our thought, feelings, actions and energies to the "negative"  things unfolding...increasing our karmic accumulation  of negative!  It becomes a vicious cycle and it keeps us down, spinning our tires in the mud. 

Self and Soul in the Trampling Down Drama

The Self...universal consciousness...gets glued to this drama even though Soul may be crying out, "No! Don't do that! Raise yourself up out of this pit.  You are so much more than this!" Soul's voice is often drowned out by the sound of spinning tires and Self's glued attention to the mess it is in,  that we don't hear it. Until we listen to this sage advice, "Raise yourself up with soul!"...we are going to be stuck in the karmic loop. Until Self takes its attention away from looking down at self and raises it up into the  spaciousness of what is, we are going to be stuck.  Soul will not evolve as quickly as it could if we simply used it, recognized who we really were, and shone that light of Self upward. 

Though we are here to get beyond self to Self ...this collective higher consciousness...the unity of all...that doesn't mean we are to trample  this mental entity of self, which was created on the individual soul that came here to evolve beyond it, down. We need to raise up Self ...our awareness, our consciousness, by  getting passed this "me" focus and acknowledging the soul within us.  We can start by being more positive.  But not positive in The Secret way. Most of us believe we are being more positive when we don't give up on or dreams and fantasies of getting those things we believe will make us feel good inside. When we say, "Look at how positive she is.  She didn't give up on her dreams of becoming a musician.  She worked hard and struggled everyday, barely surviving, losing her family,  to get that record deal. That's positive.", we got positivity all wrong.

The True Positivity

That is not the kind of positive I am talking about.  True positivity is being able to accept what is  unfolding in front of us, as it is, without being disturbed by any of it. It is all about being open and receptive to all Life offers.   True positivity  doesn't require that we get something out there to make us feel better in here; it means we are able to find peace with what is. We accept we have a self, an ego, a little me that is far from kind to itself.  We learn to have tolerance and compassion for that little me even though we begin the process of detaching from it. We break up with it in kindness.  We counter the self abuse. We meet ego's needs to some extent.  But more importantly we meet the needs of the soul.  We listen to the soul and use Life and whatever it unfolds in front of us as a tool for helping the soul to expand and grow the way it is meant to. We take the Self...the light of consciousness...and shine it away from "me" onto Soul so we can see who we truly are.  Once we recognize what we are...there will be no more trampling down of the self, or Self, or Soul. There will be no more conflict between between Soul, self,  and Self....just harmony. And when self is no longer there in the way, there will be nothing but  sat chit ananda: eternal, conscious bliss.

Hmm!  That was quite a ramble. It might not make a lot of sense now but I will get back to it.

All is well in my world.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( September 24, 2023) Consciousness and the Personal Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Bhagavad Gita 6: 5 ...translations from sources above.

Sharing One Impersonal Mind

Raise yourself and the whole world will change.

Michael A. Singer

Okay...this sounds absolutely crazy, I know,  but I feel I have this bizarre connection with Michael Singer. It is like I am thinking or writing about the exact things he talks about after I think , speak about or write these exact things.  Cra Cra, I know. Most of you would say: 

"It is just coincidence , crazy lady!" 

Maybe, it is just coincidence...because in truth, I do not know much. It is getting to the point, however,  I can almost predict certain things he is going to say in his podcasts.  Today I was thinking about raising self with Self, from the Gita,  trying to figure out how I am going to transcend this stuff my personal mind tells me I am tangled up in. This little "self" was feeling overwhelmed and defeated, beat down, as it was so focused on meeting the needs of others it was feeling at the bottom of everyone's priority list including my own...it was being trampled down. I was being so hard on this little self, in my desire to be rid of it,  when it needed a bit of compassion etc. I knew that  though getting rid of self...personal mind... was important...I couldn't do it in a wholesome way by beating it down farther.   Self needed to be raised. I wrote this  down on a piece of paper beside me: "Raise Self" and even spoke to D. about it.  I said  to D. this morning  something to the effect. "Things around me seem to be overwhelming. Though I know it is all about getting beyond the  "self",  I know I can't keep denying the needs of self. I need to raise this Self above all this somehow so things change." I knew the so called "problems" were in my personal mind only.  Yes, Life is doing what it was doing and it seems like a lot but it isn't as personal as personal mind was making it. I also knew I was working off karma...the negative energy experience, I was accumulating with negative thinking. I also knew and spoke to D. about finding a way to peace... not by doing something out there that would make me feel better in here but by redirecting my focus to what is really important. Again I stressed in my mind , on paper, and to D. these exact words: "I have to raise myself above this for the benefit of all."

Then I sat down with my tea to listen ...knowing somehow that this is what would be spoken about.  I was convinced he was going to quote those lines from the Gita: raise self with Self.  Even when the podcast was at 50 minutes, with one minute left to spare,  somehow I knew he was going to say something about "raising self" and sure enough, he finished off with the above line. I looked at my paper that said "Raise Self" and it was like yeah...it really happened. 

You see, regardless if this was mere coincidence or not, there is a personal mind but beyond that there is an impersonal mind. The personal mind  is just an object that consciousness can focus on.  And the kooky thing is , though our personal minds differ greatly, we are all using the same impersonal mind so why wouldn't these thoughts be occurring at the same time from one so called  person to another.  Huh?  Well beyond the personal mind...beyond the separate "me" ideation...there is no separation is there? That seperate me is just a thing the mind made up. This big amazing light of consciousness is something we all share, something we all are. It only seems personal when I shine it on "me".  Take it off "me" focus and amazing things can happen. Hmm! Something to think about. 

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe. ( Sept 24, 2023) Consciousness and the Personal Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Letting Go

 If I let go of what is making me unhappy, I am happier.  If I let go of what is pulling me down, I go higher.

Michael Singer

Isn't that the simple truth, eh?  We are here to let go. Yet most of us still have such a hard time letting go. Or knowing what it is that we are supposed to let go of. I think we need to let go of these ideas of "bad, wrong, shouldn't be" or even "good, right, should be" for :It is what it is and I will make the most of it.  I will let go of my resistance, my thinking it should be other than what it is and I will serve whatever this is.

Life changing!

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( September 21, 2023) Working Through Your Stuff. https://tou.org/talks/

Memory and Karma

Karma means both action and memory. There is no memory without action and no action without memory.

Sadhguru

All is well! 

Honoring the Teacher

 Teacher

 
Monkey kings
bow their head in reverence,
while once studious and
well mannered students,
 clap and wave their arms about.
The teacher
speaks  only briefly to lessons
reduced to  fading words
and symbols  on
yellowed scripts,
translated and transmuted
into concepts that
hold  only grains
of the sand
Truth is.
 
Once a disillusioned  Indian Prince,
a humble Jewish carpenter,
a Saudi travelling merchant
 and the face of so many others
who have looked directly into the divine,
the teacher stands before us,
an accumulated morphing
 of centuries of shed outfits and forms,
 different languages and pointers
with only one lesson to share.
 
The weary teacher has  traveled far
along the silk road to the east,
the busy industrial path to the west,
over mountains and through dessert,
through  rice patty and through ocean,
through golden lined streets
and war -torn rubble,
to stand here today.
 
 
The teacher teaches,
not so much with what is said
but by what is embodied
within this meager form
that is worn as a cloak
around all that is.
The lesson is taught through
slow purposeful steps,
inspired speech,
and a light that shines
so brilliantly
from eyes that
offer Love to all of us
who so desperately want to know
what the teacher is here to teach.

© Dale-Lyn (Pen),  June 2020

Hmm! I was reminded of this poem I wrote a few years ago, Teacher,  upon doing two things: Firstly, I watched the mini series on Netflix called ,The Chosen, about Jesus choosing his disciples. Of course, he is referred to as "Teacher". It is historically very realistic in the fact that the actors are not blonde with blue eyes but actually look middle eastern lol. Though it doesn't refer to Jesus during those lost years from 12-30 where it is likely he travelled to the East along the Silk Route, it did show him able to speak fluid egyptian to a believer.  

Secondly, I am reading:  The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. In the short time that he taught in the late 1800's he was all about pointing out the need to recognize the  unifying oneness in all religions.  He was also trying to explain Hinduism to his country's oppressors at the time. So I wrote the poem...not knowing exactly why I wrote it and then this. 

...the whole world of religions is only a travelling, a coming up, of different men and women, through various conditions and circumstances, to the same goal. Every religion is only evolving a God out of the material man, and the same God is inspirer of all of them. 

And when I read this...I was definitely reminded of my poem and felt compelled to put it up again (even if it is only bots chewing at it like termites lol.  I have learned to not resist these strong compulsions:) ) 

The star arose in the East; it travelled steadily towards the West, sometimes dimmed and sometimes effulgent, till it made a circuit of the world; and now it is again rising on the very horizon of the East...a thousand fold more effulgent than it ever was before. 

Anyway, it is what it is.  All is well.

The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda, Kindle Edition

Netflix Series, The Chosen

Note:  If there is anyone out there reading this, please do not try to comment on this like I recently requested.  I do not want you to pick up these termites!

Putting Down the Burden; Accepting What Is

 We must let go of the life we have planned, as to accept the one that is waiting for us. 

Joseph Campbell

Is Life Suffering or Bliss?

Only A Burden in the Mind!

Another serendipitous happening from Life, I suppose.  I did this video yesterday, when I randomly opened to the question:  Is Life suffering or is Life bliss? And I answered it.  Was debating if I should put this one up today or another one waiting on my channel related to Karma.  Opening up to this video made the choice for me. 

So many of us see Life as a great burden we have to carry. ( I wrote a poem about that once...will see if I can find it.) Life isn't a burden...nor is it misery or even bliss really. Those are just adjectives the mind attaches to something that really cannot be adjectivized.  Life just is what it is, a very impersonal but amazing process we get to observe, participate in and experience. 

Life becomes a burden or misery when we pick it up and call it ours. We listen to the mind, that really knows nothing, when it tells us Life should be a certain way to accommodate our "little me's" agenda.  We decide what is right, good and "should be" in Life and pull that in and we decide what is wrong, bad and shouldn't be and push that away. Our hearts  become like selectively  permeable membranes on a cell ...allowing only so much in and closing to the rest. We spend more of this limited time in these carnations reflecting and resisting life rather than experiencing it. Instead of just allowing all of  Life, which knows a heck of a lot more about what is good for us than we will ever know, to come in we try to manipulate, control and get from it only that which we deem as pleasant. Man we live only slithers of a life when we do that. 

Our souls are here to expand, grow and evolve not constrict, regress and hide. Surrendering to Life, accepting and allowing what is to be what it is...takes away the burden.  It takes away the misery...so we can live the lives we were meant to live...fully and with truth as our ally not our foe.

Hmmm!

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( September 18, 2023) Living Your Life without Burden. https://tou.org/talks/

Self Talk and the Battling Twins

 Self talk is the most powerful form of communication because it either empowers you or defeats you.

Unknown

Do you ever notice the battle going inside you between shaming self talk and redeeming self talk? I call it the battle of the ego twins: Shamer ego and Redeemer Ego. Shamer is hell bent on making you feel small and deserving of punishment, Redeemer is determined to puff you up and make you bigger than most.  Both are components of ego. 

Oh the ego twins are  still around and they are constantly squabbling in me.  I see them when I witness my human imperfection .  Redeemer Ego wants "me" to appear a certain way to the world.  It has a set of expectations and rules for "me" that it wants me to adhere to.  It wants redemption. It wants to put "Shamer" ego in its place.  So...when I goof up, fail to keep up with appearances and expectations...Shamer ego steps in pretty quickly to put Redeemer in its place. Back and forth the two bicker and compete.  It is quite sad and  quite funny  to watch lol.

I just viewed a couple of videos from many years ago. I started doing videos in 2017...I am not even sure why.  Just had this great compulsion to do so when I knew I would soon be leaving my professional job as  college educator. As an educator, Redeemer Ego was fed, seemingly lifting me up and away from shame. I was meeting a lot of ego's expectations in that role. Shamer was quieted. The prospect and then the reality of  stepping back from that role, however, swatted redemption away and  fed Shamer ego. I felt ashamed of my inability to maintain this role and identity. So Redeemer wanted to fight back with some semblance of, "Well you can teach here! You can do this! You can still identify as an educator.You can still feed "me" and this Self you seem to want to pull up from the background at the same time! "  So I started doing videos about what I was studying and learning...mostly so I could swat away Shamer and feed Redeemer.

I mean, I love to teach and I love to speak.  It is usually very natural and spontaneous for me.  It brings me joy. Doing it "perfectly" was never something I strived to do.  I made mistakes, screwing up words, mispronouncing, doing other silly things. I would quickly point my own mistakes out ( if I caught them. If I didn't the students were sure to point them out :) ) and we would often laugh over them. Still...I was a very effective educator.  It felt so natural to me. It wasn't so natural and easy  in the beginning of making these videos though. I couldn't see the students sitting before me. I didn't have that feedback so I often didn't catch my little goof ups until I reviewed the videos afterwards.  And I am perfectly okay with little goof ups...it makes me and the process more real...but the ego twins weren't okay with it.  lol. Now, I am much more comfortable speaking in these videos, mostly becasue my desire to "impress" and my need to keep up with appearances is greatly diminished. 

It surprised me, then, considering how much I have grown since those years the videos were made, that Shamer still had something to say about my imperfections in them.  It surprised me that I was still reacting to that negative self talk.  As I was watching, I heard the reprimands from Shamer; I felt my belly cringing, my face blushing; and I wanted nothing more than to go to You tube to private those videos and to take them off my site here. Shamer was still attached to the memory, maybe ?? Anyway, I could also feel and hear Redeemer wanting to come back in to save the day. I felt very reactive!! I took a deep breath and just watched what was going on in my mind, the twins in action. Instead of being between them, I took a step back out of the ring. I created distance.  

In that moment of clarity, I made a decision to leave the videos where they were...with all my apparent "imperfections" as a speaker so evident...(one can even hear my old dog snoring loudly in the background). I said to myself...this is perfect in its imperfection!!! Both Shamer and Redeemer were quieted when I became the Observer , rather than the referee. :) 

I am going to encourage you, as well,  to become aware of the presence of battling twins inside you and instead of putting on the black and white shirt and jumping in the ring between them...just stand back and watch.  They will stop fighting on their own when we refuse to feed either of them.  Also...don't be afraid to witness your own imperfections as a human being when it comes to 'creating appearances'. Appearances mean nothing! What we see as imperfect is simply just the failure of the twins getting their way. 

All is well. 

Transcending the Big Noise Karma Makes

The time has come for human beings to transcend the distorting lens of karma-the lens that makes them confuse the projection for the real, their fragmented memory-driven psychological creation for the incredible majesty of life itself. page 57

Some great tidbits of wisdom from Sadhguru. Too perfectly said to paraphrase. 

Karma is one big noise. If you cannot hear it, it is simply because right now you are accustomed to listening to the other world.  page 52

Everything that ever happened on this planet is still remembered by your body, because your body is  just a piece of this planet.  page 53

...life is about seeking what is there, not about seeing what you want to see. page 57

The genetic memories are not inherently positive or negative. It is how we deal with them that makes the difference. We carry the memories of our ancestors within us. But whether this memory has become a source of bondage or one of advantage depends on how much distance we created from it.  page 62

For the yogi, the discernment of the body has nothing to do with personal attraction or aversion, craving or recoil, likes or dislikes.  The body, for the yogi, is as clinical and impersonal as a barometer-it does not judge; it simply perceives. pg 71

Karma sets a boundary for you. When that boundary becomes too comfortable, it is time to start becoming vigilant. pg 73

All is well in my world. 

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books.

The Reasons for Wanting to Understand Karma.

 

The essence of everything you consider to be yourself is karmic.

Sadhguru, page 53

I realize my quest to understand karma may be actually adding karma weight  to this heavy Albatross I am already wearing around my neck. Though I may have progressed somewhat beyond the "it is all about me" motive, I still want to understand karma for personal reasons.  When I started on this mission, I was caught up in the "Why is this 'suffering' happening to me and what can I do about it?" conundrum. I was so focused on the melodrama of this 'little me. 'I felt I, as it,  was being punished by life and I wanted to know why. More importantly, I wanted to know how I could  change it. That is why I wanted to look deeply into this idea of karma.  It is actually why I began this so called 'spiritual journey' in the first place.  It was very, very personal. What I thought I was a concept I was very much attached to. 

Since I began this journey, however, a lot of 'me' has been peeled away by the winds of life and by my committed practice. I see how sick this 'little me' is, how disturbed the mind is, how responsible it is for my experience of Life. I am really getting it...finally...that this form and mind I am is only one of 8 billion similar forms and minds and God knows how many beings in total. It definitely, definitely is not all about me! Infact, I am beginning to see that there is no "me" anywhere but in the mind.  So what is happening to this 'me' is not personal. What is left of my egoic  mind still  makes it personal with its reactions. I still have quite a bit of egoic mind left.  That mind questions, albeit less selfishly,: How does karma come  about for 'us' humans and what can we do about it?

There is still a bit of "me, my and mine"  when I speak about karma. Sigh!

Still, I am progressing. I have also progressed from wanting karma to change and life to get easier  to accepting what is and seeing the higher purpose in it. ( Don't get me wrong...I would still very much like Life to get easier lol...please, please throw me a bone... but I am not dependent on it getting easier before I accept what is, before I accept my karma.) 

Right now, I am at the point where I am accepting that if this is my karma, if this is something that needs to be burned or worked off through all these challenging situations for the betterment of those that came before me and those that will come after me...so be it. I will gladly go through it.  If my so called suffering is serving a higher purpose, I welcome this type of karma. I do. I am just looking for validation that it is. ( I hate to think that it is all happening unnecessarily because of something my unevolved self is doing or not doing, you know?) 

Hmm! Confusing I know.  Don't get hung up, though, on the reasons  this form and mind that is writing this is trying to understand karma...understand it for yourself, for the freedom it will give you.  All these things we are truly learning on this spiritual journey are taking us to freedom...right? Even this weight around my neck is offering freedom...maybe not so much for this false identity of 'me' but for the realization of Self beneath the me. 

Anyway, how I ramble.

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogis Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

Stop Staring at the Mess

 You are the greatest thing that ever walked the face of the earth. You are just staring at something that's not.

Michael A. Singer 

We need to stop staring at the mess we made and realize what we are: the Observer not the observed, spacious peaceful presence, and Sat Chit Ananda ( Eternal, conscious bliss).  We are consciousness and consciousness is everything.  We are not that mess we are staring at. 

All is well. . 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (September 14, 2023) Embracing Reality-Inside and out.https://tou.org/talks/