Relaxing In to the "What Is" of Illness

 Everytime you relax and release [into what is], a piece of the pain leaves forever. 

Michael A. Singer

Feeling better now though I am not 100%.  The experience of being ill over the last couple of days was a wonderful opportunity to fully experience one of Life's many offerings.

Say what crazy lady? 

At first I resisted being ill as we tend to do.  I had a workday booked, didn't know how to cancel it and was afraid to because I had to cancel one last week because of the emergency. Didn't want to let others down.  Told myself I was making too much of it by focusing on the negative.  Reminded myself it wasn't about "me": my body and personality.  It is all about what I can give the world ( Fever makes one's mind very dramatic!) So I took some Tylenol and Ginger Gravol and went off to work.  Working with a high fever was an experience, let me tell ya.  The kids acted up and I did little to correct them.  They probably could have been asking to run down the halls with machine guns and I would have said, "Just sign out when you go and when you return. And try to keep it quiet. "  I eventually had to go ask someone if I could go home. When I got home I discovered my temp was 38.5 on 1000mg of Tylenol...that is pretty high. I felt sooo sick. 

But I no longer had to resist the experience. I could experience it completely and in so doing help to release some old stuffed pain. I remembered the three techniques Michael Singer  suggested: positive thinking, mantra, and leaning back into witness consciousness

Positive thinking wise, I reminded myself that this was a wonderful opportunity to get the rest I wasn't able to get over the last week or so, it was an opportunity for the self care I was denying myself....that all I have to focus on right now...becasue that was all I could focus on...was the experience of my body.  Illness reconnects us to our bodies. 

Then I found myself using the mantra, "This too shall pass." I knew despite how sick  I felt, that it was a short term thing...it wouldn't last forever...the mantra helped

And finally I leaned back into witness consciousness and observed...allowing the entire experience to come in and move out of me. I crawled in to bed with the intention of experiencing it all fully.  I just lay there experiencing each ache and pain, each shiver, each flush of heat causing me to remove the blankets without judging any of it as "bad, wrong, shouldn't be!" It simply was as it was.  I witnessed the nausea and the way I was so repulsed by even the talk of food. I slept and slept and slept and when I woke up, I witnessed and experienced it all again until  I  was finally able to witness the sensations of relief as the fever broke. I noticed how everything appeared less foggy and unbalanced when that happened...like an awakening.

I was grateful I had this opportunity to practice with. I fully experienced a short term  illness, one of Life's many offerings. Eventually, I will be able to embrace all that is offered without resisting. Starts with the low hanging fruit.

It was cool? (Well ...after the fever broke ...before that it was pretty hot in here lol)

All is well. 

Healthy Thoughts for Healthy Molecules

Happy thoughts create happy molecules. Healthy thoughts create healthy molecules.

 Wayne Dyer

Was very ill throughout the night, possibly  with what my grandson must have had a few nights ago. My fever must have been through the roof.  It isn't COVID but I am very dehydrated. I did my best to just experience it fully...really was no choice but to.  Anyway, I awoke in a predicament.  I had accepted a job last evening when I was feeling okay and because I do not want to ( or know how to without leaving everything in a mess)  cancel another assignment ( had to do that because of the emergency on Wednesday) I decided to go in anyway.  Not the best public health move for a nurse to make and not the best self care move to make either. I just don't know how to cancel if people are dependent on a body being there. I am not sure about my decision, or how this day will unfold.  It will unfold the way it unfolds, I guess. Clinging to the words of Wayne Dyer to get me through. 

The way my body is reacting to the stressors in my life , I am going to be very, very cautious before accepting the next shift/work day. I won't accept a call in teh evening. I will get up in the morning and do 20 jumping jacks...stop, see how I feel before I accept a call :)...if it should come in. ( Slim pickings these days...just don't want to be in this predicament again). 

All is well 

Fully Processing Life

 There is nothing richer than a fully processed experience integrated into  your whole being page 162

Let's talk about this and other gems of wisdom shared by Michael A. Singer in Chapter 32, The Past. We all want to live life freely, peacefully, happily...do we not? Yet, most of us have these inner blockages within us, from the past, that keep us from doing so. 

So what do we do to get beyond our human limitations so we can fully express the spiritual nature of who we are?  We must get rid of the blockages!

...to achieve deep spirituality,  your unfinished past cannot be inside you. It must be gone, not suppressed-but gone. You will see over time that when those blocked patterns are gone, all that is left is teh flow of spirit. What is left is the most beautiful thing that could ever exist. page 163

How? We must stop judging the experiences that unfold as good,bad; right or wrong; should be or shouldn't be...and allow it all in.

When you have an experience, it can simply come in and touch consciousness directly.  It doesn't need the mind to judge it as desirable or undesirable and then store it accordingly. page 162

How do you see what is real? Let the past go as the blockages  naturally arise

The past blockages will come up on their own a daily basis, and when they do-let them go. ....if you want to see what is really out there, you need to get rid of your inner issues.page 163

When to let go? As soon as you get disturbed

To free yourself, the moment you notice disturbance, let go. Don't wait until that initial disturbance takes over your mind.  You are perfectly aware you're beginning to get upset before you actually get upset. You feel it. You feel when something starts to bother you. If you want to grow spiritually, that's the moment when you do the work. page 163-164

How do you let go? Relax right away

...when  the stuff starts to come up, the second you feel the change,relax.  Don't even  wait until you know what's it about;  just relax and let go. page 164

At what level should we work with samskaras? At the energetic level. 

You can work with your samskaras at the energetic level rather than teh mental level. This is much deeper.  page 164

What is the purpose of Life then? Letting Go and Purification

Eventually, you will take it seriously that the purpos eof your life is letting go of these stored patterns....It's not about renunciation-it's about purification. It's about cleaning out the inside so you can have a beautiful life, both inside and in. page 164

Is it worth all this pain the released energy of samskara will bring? Yes!

At some point in your growth you will recognize that freeing yourself is worth the discomfort of letting go of past disturbances...We are talking about putting out a fraction of that effort to win everything, and the fruits of your effort will keep giving over time. Imagine not having those sensitive blockages in there. Imagine being able to enjoy the world as it unfolds around you. You can begin to appreciate life and wholeheartedly participate in it. Page 165

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

Shining Armour

 The Knight's Shining Armour

Battle weary, broken and bruised,

 beneath this shield that you see,

I peer through the armour,

that constricts and restricts,

the blood flow to my heart.

Yet the armour shines,

so important to keep it shining,

reflecting your perfect image back to you.

You expect this iron casing,

to echo each  practiced expression 

of  your pain,

to reveal to you 

your  selected sorrows 

and photoshopped  glimpses of your  beauty,

so you can see your “self” clearly.

You want this outer layer, this “me”  

to show you that it feels what you feel,

that it understands that which lies

so precariously between

the flimsy shield of your own armour

and the deep bleeding tissue of your being.

I am to see through the metal you wear,

with my Xray vision,

while I, with a surgeon’s precision,

 dare not pierce the surface,

of your tender flesh

with the beams of my magical radiation,

causing even a drop of blood

or an ounce of pain

to make its way through to you.

Then I am to reveal, in perfect detail,

on my own shining surface,

the mystery of what I pretend to have seen,

with  my intimate dissection

of your still hidden Self.

What glistens from my surface then

fills in the cracks and holes of your armour,

helps to create another

noisy  barrier of  underlying protection,

 over the layer of your vulnerable tissue

so nothing tucked away beneath,

can come through.

It is of utmost importance,

that nothing tucked away beneath

come through.

 

My role as your special person,

astride my restless steed,

is to gallantly build and protect

your defensive surface,

to protect the underlying barrier,

and to keep the blood flow

of the real you from emerging,

while my own armour creaks and strains

with the rust of its neglect,

 a rust I must keep forever  hidden

beneath the shine

of the outer surface.

 

If I falter in my mission,

I am painfully aware,

your well sharpened sword,

knowing instinctively

where even the best armour opens,

will find its way through the metal,

through the barrier of chain mail,

through my hidden flesh

and into my constricted heart.  

The long- ago written rules

of love and war remind us,

that this is only fair.

 

So heavy is this armour,

that we have learned,

through the devoted teachings

of the human mind,

to stare at each other behind.

How blinding and misleading

is the reflection it gives back to the world.

So broken am I beneath it.

I feel the blood oozing

through my rusting mail,

pooling in the space between it

and the metal casing that you see,

making its way  through holes

the hungry rust has eaten through.

You will see it soon…

First in trickles, then in gushes,

painting my armour red with

my much too long stuffed reality,

dimming the shine of your reflection

with all I stuffed away,

in order to be

your knight in shining armour.

My heart wants to beat 

without constraint,

to push the Life fluid through my vessels

with each laborious contraction,

and into the tissue

that longs to be exposed. 

You may be devastated by the naked flesh

that emerges from my opening,

But I,

who I really am

and who I have always been,

like  a bloody infant emerging  

from a cold, metal womb,

will finally be free.

If you look close enough at that

which which was once

 hidden so cleverly

beneath the surface reflection

I wore,

my love, 

you too will see your Self.

And no longer will the services of 

a Knight's armour be required.

 

©Dale-Lynn, February 2023

Brought to mind these quotes from ACIM on the dangers of special relationships.  There is no danger in love...it is everything...but when we look to others to reflect love back to us(as if it can be found "out there", when it is inherently "in here"), to protect us from our own buried samskaras, or to  to keep us from feeling pain...then there is a problem with love. Most special relationships are simply modes of defense and attack. 

Specialness is the  great dictator of the wrong decisions. Here is the grand illusion of what you are and what your brother is...Specialness must be defended. Chapter 24 I :5:1-4

Specialness is the seal of treachery upon the gift of love.ACIM Chapter 24 II:12:1

Anyway, what do I know? 

All is well.

Embrace the Sacred Past

 Your past is uniquely yours. It happened. Its sacred. It's beautiful. Nobody else had it, and nobody else will.  Embrace your past, hug it, kiss it-love it to death. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 165

All is well.

You Are The Probelm

 You are the problem, and that cannot be solved outside. It can only be solved inside. 

Michael A. Singer

That is the hard truth about any so called "problem" we might have with Life right now, isn't it?  It is not out there. Even if you just found out you were cheated on or your loved one has cancer, these things are not the real problem, as pain inducing as they are.  You were not okay inside before these things unfolded and they simply triggered something within you,  what was already wrong with you. You are the problem. You and you alone are the only one that can make it better inside you.  And it doesn't matter if you have a diagnosis of a mental illness or not .  You are responsible for your own well being, your own happiness. Yes, that means that problems  are your responsibility You are "response-able" for your so called problems becasue you are responsible for your Life. You may not have a choice as to what Life hands you, but you always have a choice in whether or not you will activate your responsibility or if you will continue to react in unhealthy ways. You have the ability to respond to Life in a healthy way by taking responsibility for your inner world or you can  react in an unhealthy way by blaming everything on others and the "outside world. You can choose to go inward and fix what is broken inside you or you can look outside for solutions that will never be enough.  You are the problem. And that means you are the solution.

That's pretty harsh, crazy lady?

Maybe, but it is true. Yes, there are things in Life that are very hard to handle. Things that  are pain inducing, adding complexity and sorrow to your life experience.  There are many things that are far from pleasant and wanted.  Yet, these things are happening and will continue to happen as Life does what it does...not to "you" personally....but just as an unfolding. You cannot run away from them or stop Life from doing what Life does.  It just is as it is. You will experience pain, sometimes gut wrenching pain as you are here to experience it all. That pain may seem unbearable at times.  It may bring you to your knees...but if you use your power of responsibility rather than your habit of reactivity...the pain will pass eventually, the so called "problem" will cease to be.  It will not get stuck in you like so many things already have.  

This is true regardless if you have a mental illness that leads to emotional regulation or not. Even if your pain experience is ten times more intense than  the person's next to you, even if the trauma you experienced in the past was absolutely horrendous. What you have inside you now is yours.  What may have happened to you or in your Life might not be yours but your response to it, is.  It will definitely be more challenging for you to deal with painful events as they unfold, if that is the case, but it is still possible to handle this pain.  If you  have emotional dysregulation or have severe PTSD  you may have developed a thicker wall of resistance than most would have in order to avoid this pain, you may be using  many more unwholesome  coping mechanisms  in comparison to someone who does not feel pain in the intensity you do which will mean a lot more unravelling to get to the core ...but...but..it is still your responsibility to come to terms with it The problem is still yours.  Others cannot fix it for you be they a loved one or a licensed therapist.  You can definitely be supported and educated on skills that will help you to cope with the pain you are experiencing (DBT, maybe) but it will be up to you to use what ever resources are out there to help you to deal. People and things will never be the exact way your mind tells you they need to be in order for you to feel okay inside. It just doesn't work that way. And the more you keep thinking "they should be becasue you have this or that..." the more disappointed you are going to be, the more betrayed by others you are going to feel, the more unloved and unsupported you are going to believe you are. Once you can simply say, "This is mine and it is up to me to work on my insides.", while you realize the truth about life including the limitations of others...and really, really  mean it...than a certain healing will naturally take place. Sigh! 

I know someone who is suffering intense pain right now. I feel that pain acutely when I am with this person so I know it is so real.  They have a pattern of emotionally reacting  severely to certain life circumstances that the rest of us could tolerate. That emotional dysregulation is very real. Yet, a part of them refuses to own it and the experience.  They see others and life circumstances as the source of  problems and themself as  a helpless victim to them. They depend very heavily on the diagnosis they have been given and the fact that our mental health system is very limited in resources specific to that diagnosis. They  feel they cannot get better until Life changes to meet their specific expectations...until the right mental health resources magically appear, until Life stops being challenging and until people are expressing love and support  in the exact way they  feel they should if they really loved them. The reactions to life events and the behaviors of others are very extreme: full of blame, judgement, anger, even violence and self harm. These reactions can go from 0 to 120 in a matter of seconds and they are terrifying to witness. There is a point where this person  definitely loses control putting them at grave risk. And even in the less reactive times, there  is a lot of pushing away and pulling in at the same time so no one knows exactly how to approach or support. 

Though ,I see how complex this all is, and how "real" , I also see the simplicity of the true problem under all these layers of complexity. The major issue isn't the diagnosed condition...far from it.  The major issue is resistance to what is and a lack of ownership of the problem. I want to shout from the top of my lungs sometimes when I am witnessing reactions: Stop resisting Life! It cannot go the way you want it to, so stop demanding that it does! Stop blaming Life when Life is just doing what it is does.  It is not out to get you...it isn't even thinking about "you" . Stop expecting and demanding so much from other people. They will never be able to give you enough to fill you up or fix that discomfort within you. Stop standing in the way of your own recovery! This idea of "me" you are defending and protecting has got to go! It ain't no freind!Stop using those defense mechanisms that pull you down  more and more and just sit with the pain. It can't be half as bad as the pain you are inflicting on yourself through your own resistance.  Face the fact love, you are the problem.  That means you are the solution."

Well, lets just say any attempt at expressing this was not met in a favourable way. I don't say much anymore.  I just do my best not to react...to stay calm, compassionate and understanding. Though, I am told over and over again that I am only doing harm. Oh man! Anyway, serendipitously that was  on my mind as I listened to Michael Singer today in his weekly talk, From Believing to Knowing. In this talk he reminds us that we are not the thoughts and the emotions we are experiencing. We are simply the one watching them. We are not human beings having or not having an odd  spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human one. If this person can get to that realization they would be free of so much unnecessary suffering, would they not?  I wish that for everyone but especially for them.

All is well.   

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (February 9, 2023) From Believing to Knowing. https://tou.org/talks/

Not Yet Wise

 Things are the way they are because of all the influences that made them that way.  You are not going to change the weather by complaining about it. If you are wise, you will start to change your reactions to reality instead of fighting with reality.  By doing so, you will change your relationship with yourself and with everything else. 

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 157

If you are wise...

Hm! the above quote from Chapter 31, Low Hanging Fruit, makes so much sense to me but I am still having a hard time with this practice. I am not yet wise.   I still allow myself to get all gobbled up by habitual patterns of relating to my life circumstances. Maybe I am managing the low hanging fruit better...those smaller, less distressing situations...  but when I get overwhelmed with the constant influx of bigger situations, even the low hanging fruit are a real pain in the butt lol and I react to them...becoming frustrated, angry with others, resentful, negative and snappish. . 

There are too many situations deemed as "crisis" in my life, it seems, and I am constantly responding to one "Fire!" call after the other.  I am not really saving anyone when I do either.  I cannot put out the fire.  I can only wait for it to burn itself out while I do my best to ensure no one else gets burned. Oh, I get burned, again and again and again ...yet I jump to the call, dropping everything I might have had planned for "me" or others and I go in, breathing in the smoke and absorbing the heat from the flames  into my skin until the fire is at least somewhat contained. Then  I  hope that the person I am their to help will wait until I at least get home before they light another match.  Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. It is so bloody exhausting!! 

Yesterday I got the fire call after I planned a perfect day: a half day of work giving me ample time and energy left over to do my thing here and to prepare for my community yoga class. Then the call came...somewhat expected...and I sat where I was knowing that I couldn't keep responding to these calls...the person I was so wanting to help was going to keep lighting matches until they discovered, what I and others can see,  that they are the ones starting their own fires. I didn't want to give up the work day or make it inconvenient for those who were depending on my being there.  I didn't want to exhaust myself before my class tonight either.  I knew the quality of this class would determine the possibility of others. I wanted to prioritize "my" things. So I hesitated. 

But someone called "Fire!" again , this time louder. I found myself sliding down the pole and jumping into the truck with sirens blaring. I responded to yet another crisis, dropping "my" things to go stand in the midst of flames I had little to no responsibility for starting while I was told over and over again that I was not doing enough, I was making the fire worse. 

Then when the fire settled enough for me to go back home with my radio ready to receive another call telling me to go back, I left to prepare for my class.  I was burnt out and exhausted. My mind would not work the way I wanted to, as a result I did not offer the class to my expectation. 

What I found was that I was resenting how the constant fire alarms were always interfering with my own attempts to improve my situation.  I was resenting how they were  interfering with the bit of Life this "me" I call myself was having. I was resenting the sacrifices, I, as "me",  was making. . 

Anyway...what I am trying to say is I need to change my reactions if I want to live wisely. Maybe not the external reactions of going to help out at fires but the resentment for doing so.  Maybe I also need to start offering as much care to myself  as I offer to those others I am trying to help.  

I feel this is all  triggering in me that samskara of inadequacy hiding in my core. I don't know...too tired to think right now but I will reflect on it farther. 

In the meantime, I call this non-reactivity, this letting go of pain ... a practice. 

The best way to let go of stored pockets of pain is to practice. Michael A. Singer

All is well!

Attention Practice Opportunities for Nirodha Parinamah

 The flow of nirodha parinamah becomes steady through habit.

Patanjali's Sutra III-10 (translated by Satchidananda)

I spoke of nirodha parinamah in an entry by the same name a few days ago. I want to touch on how we have the opportunity to advance further whenever we are blessed with awareness of what we are doing before we slip into old patterns of suppressing and repressing etc. .When challenging  circumstances come into our lives, instead of  judging them as "difficult, unpleasant and unfavorable", we can see them as the wonderful gifts they are.  They are always opportunities to practice and develop new habits that are much more life affirming than our old ones were. What makes this possible is our awareness, or attention, 

Krishnamurti speaks to this in a talk he gave in 1971, in Madras. (See link below) 

You insult me.  The response to that insult is from the old brain, that has divided itself, that has been functioning in a pattern. At the moment, for the old brain not to respond, can only happen when there is complete attention. In that moment of attention, there is no cause-effect. 

Food for thought.

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (2011) as translated by Swami Satchidananda. Integral Yoga Publications

J. Krishnamurti .Dialogue 14-Madras-5th January 1971-'Conflict and Consciousness'https://www.jkrishnamurti.org/content/dialogue-14-madras-5th-january-1971-conflict-and-consciousness

All is well

Techniques for Surrendering

 ....when you are okay in there, you will not be thinking about how to be okay. You will just be relaxing into the quiet space of peaceful well-being. This requires that you be okay with your thoughts and emotions....When you relax into witness consciousness you are surrendering into the reality of what's happening. Michael A. Singer, page 156

Besides changing our negative thoughts to positive ones, there are two other things Singer suggests we do to free ourselves from the effects of our samskaras.  We can use a mantra and we can learn to relax into witness consciousness. They all go together though.

We notice our thinking. Then we refocus to something more positive as we relax into what is, including what the mind is doing. Instead of getting all tensed up and ready to fight and resist, we detach somewhat  from what is going on inside and outside us, leaning back into the observer as we simply witness the experience.  Being able to relax into what is, can  be practiced through mantra meditation  We can also use a mantra in the face of something challenging to deal with like, "I'm okay.  I can do this." We can use a mantra to help us tame our minds to become more relaxed and positive etc. 

The three techniques of positive thinking, relaxing into witness consciousness and mantra are helpful for freeing ourselves from the "bondage of mind." We can surrender to what is and be okay. 

All is well

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True.

Changing Your Mind

 Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate.

Norman Vincent Peale

Michael A.Singer explains that there is a way to free ourselves from all the damaging thinking our mind does...we change it!  

As I have mentioned so many times, we have up to 60,000 thoughts looping through our minds on a given day and 80% of them are negative. No wonder why we are not okay inside.  Those thoughts come from the programming we put into the mind to get it to protect us from pain and therefore from reactivation of those old samskaras we have stored inside us. Our demands on the mind are just too great. We broke it with our unrealistic expectations that more or less said, "Make reality go my way.  Protect me from everything I don't like. Stop the world from hurting me!" 

The mind, wanting to do what it was programmed to do, really, really tries to oblige.  It tries to keep us happy but in order to do so it has to square off against reality and, of course, it can't win that battle. Reality is always going to be what it is no matter what the mind does.

Here we are in our unawakened states asking a now broken, neurotic  mind to save us from reality...It, in turn,  tells us what is going on and what to do about it and we listen, failing to realize that nothing can save us from reality.  Still... there it is spouting off 60,000 thoughts a day, mostly negative, and we listen to it as if it knows what it is talking about until we feel terrible inside.  

The mind knows nothing.  It is just programming.

We need to change the programming. We can't change the programming, however, until we are aware of what the mind is doing and how we are listening to it, Michael Singer reminds us,  in the podcast listed below. We need to put down the  mind, thinking and feeling and just observe it from a distance. (We are not our minds, remember, we are the one 'in here' observing). We need to notice what types of thoughts are in there and how they are affecting us. Then we need to replace that negative  thinking with something more Life affirming: positive thinking. 

When I was 18 years old and heavily addicted to my negative narrative, I came across a book that changed my life and set me on the path I am now on.  It was The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. I suddenly realized that I was thinking negatively and could see how that negative thinking was impinging on my desire to be happy. I was allowing my thinking to control me.  I could also see some light...there was a way out of this mess I created in my head. That realization has spurred me onto a journey that has led me here to where I am now.

Of course, I have learned that it is all much deeper than that but by changing our thinking to something more positive, we  are taking control where we have control.  We may not be able to control  reality, nor can we control the "automatic" thoughts the mind generates, but we can control and change our willful thoughts. 

Say someone doesn't accept your friend request on Facebook ( not sure why I used this example...I am not a fan of social media so I seldom accept requests lol)...our sick and overprogrammed and neurotic minds may begin right away with the negative thinking in response to that fairly neutral experience.  It may begin to say things like, "Oh. Oh Something is wrong.  Why isn't she accepting?  Did I do something to offend her?  Maybe she doesn't like me.  Maybe she thinks I am weird.  They thought I was weird.too.[activation of an old samskara]. I guess I am weird. She is not accepting because she thinks I am weird.  Everyone thinks I am weird. They were right...I am weird. I should not be putting myself out there just to have people remind me how weird I am"...and on and on it goes while we fall into a pit of despair. 

Now these are reflex thoughts that the mind  automatically comes up with because we have programmed it to do so, based on our samskaras. The thing is,  we do not have to pay attention to them.  We might not be able to stop them but we can distract from them by covering them with a layer of positive thoughts, like, "Hmm!  I really do not know why she is not accepting.  She may have a thousand things, unrelated to me, going on in her life. Even if she is not responding because she thinks I am weird and doesn't want to have anything to do with me...that's okay.  I will survive that.  I can even grow stronger because of it.  This could be one of  the things that are going to help me to grow, to assist me to let go of all the unwholesome tendencies inside me. Bring it on! I will be okay whether she accepts my request or she doesn't,  whether she likes me or doesn't like me. It's all good."  

The negative thoughts may continue to chirp in the background but we are no longer listening to them.  We are listening to thoughts that bring a sense of acceptance and peace rather than those self-deprecating ones that leave  fear, insecurity and sadness. 

In order to get here, though, we needed to distance ourselves enough from our minds and thinking so we could  observe and become aware of what was going on in our minds. In our practice, we do not seek to stop the mind from doing what it is doing nor do we seek to punish it or ourselves for causing so much pain.  We simply become aware of what is going on up there and we become kind and compassionate with the mind we broke, understanding why it is the way it is, just as we remain kind and compassionate towards ourselves. We don't stop thinking, and we don't try anymore to stop reality from being what it is. We just change our focus of attention. We can do that by focusing on the positive thinking, we willfully add to the mind stuff, as we tune out the negative. 

All is well!

Norman Vincent Peale (2003) The Power of Positive Thinking. Reprint Edition. Touchstone.

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (January 30, 2023) Learning To Work On Your State of Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Dancing With God

 You don't face the day, you participate in the day.  Every moment is a chance to dance with God.

Michael A. Singer

How beautiful is that?  

Those words grabbed me as I sat to listen to Michael A. Singer, in one of his weekly talks from the Temple of the Universe, today. In this lecture he was talking about the need to let the stuff that "bothers us" go...because really..it isn't the stuff that is happening out there that is bothering us, it isn't reality that is bothering us...it is what we are doing with it. We make the mistake of judging, first of all, all stimuli as "good, bad, or ugly". As soon as we place a judgement on something, the mind we trained to be a little crazy, attempts to either push it away or cling to it.  In either case, doing so does not let the natural vibration of the thing ( be it a thought, emotion, or an external experience) pass through us as all stimuli is meant to do.  We stuff it inside.  

It is obvious we are holding on to stuff when we cling to something we desire and think of as pleasant but we do the same with that which we do not want and think of as unpleasant.  What we think we pushed away, was never pushed away. When we attempt to push away something we are using all our attention and effort to hold back a vibration that was never meant to be held back.  Doing so makes us hold onto it instead of getting rid of it.  What we resists persists, right? 

All this stuffed stuff  then becomes the foundation for our self-concept. We build a sense of "me"...what I like and what I don't like...on this very shifty sand of past experience (or should I say past "judgement").  We have within us, now, seeds of things we like and things we don't .We spend the rest of our time then...trying to hold certain unpleasant seeds down, push others away or to grab and cling to things out there that we erroneously believe will cause the pleasant things within us to grow and to  to fix our insides. 

Beneath the shifty sand of our samskaras is an energy that is meant to flow up. Whether we like it or not, it will flow up! But when we are constantly pushing stuff down on top of our blockages, we keep pushing that energy down, delaying its flow.  Samskaras, old stuffed junk, is blocking the energy. 

The trick is not to dig down to the root of each samskara, Singer  says in the below video, but to just stop adding new things to push down.  If we stop reacting to what is going on out there now, judging, resisting  grabbing at the pleasant and pushing away the unpleasant...be the experience related to something like having a slow driver in front of us or a dying loved one... then the force of the energy below the samskaras ( those deep dark and painful memories or those unwholesome tendencies that have been stored in us for so long)...will have enough power to push these samskaras up and out of the way.  It will naturally release them for us, in its natural desire to flow freely.  Our job, then, is to simply stop adding new stuffed material to our blockages, to stop doing what we are doing to protect these samskaras from getting triggered and therefore protecting and defending this concept of "me". Our job is  to sit back, relax into what is and let Shakti do its thing. 

How do we do that?

We learn to relax and then we relax and release into what is, into whatever is.  We allow it all to come in no matter how it feels. We can do that much easier if we stop judging experience as good, bad, or ugly. Without judging there would be no need to grasp or push away. We won't face the day  like we are going to fight or cling to whatever unfolds in front of us...we simple lay back into it, participate in whatever Life has to offer, experience it, learn from it and let it all just pass through us. No matter what it feels like! We stop judging what we have come to see as bad, wrong or shouldn't be and see the value in all of it.

Example

We see fear and anything that triggers fear within us as bad, wrong or shouldn't be, don't we? Fear sucks, doesn't it?  The feeling can be so uncomfortable most of us will spend all our days running from it, won't we? We will do whatever we can to avoid old fear ridden samskaras from getting bumped.  We will put great effort into manipulating the outside world so it doesn't interfere with this buried pain,  We will build up our defenses.  We will avoid, suppress, repress and deny to no end. We will keep laying  layer after  layer of repression concrete over these fear samskaras, those past experiences that led you to judge fear as bad,  so they don't come up.  But the energy below them is so strong, so powerful and so determined to flow, it will break through eventually and when it does it will push every samskara up and into our conscious awareness. This fear will rise up into your awareness again and again and again. Ouch!  That is going to hurt.

We watched the Netflix movie, True Spirit, yesterday about 16  year old Jessica Watson's solo voyage around the globe.  She admitted to being terrified many, many times but she didn't run from that fear, she didn't suppress or repress it...she simply allowed it. And when those sixty foot waves took her down...triggering every samskara that might have been in her, she handled it...even though the fear was there.  Her adventure was not about suppressing or repressing, nor was it about  "facing the day". It was about participating fully in it and whatever unfolded.  She danced with God. Sure she felt at times, after being on a boat alone for 7 months, she was going crazy. ..

If your mind is driving you crazy, it is becasue the energy is trying to push the crazy out of the mind.Singer

...but she allowed it all and succeeded in ways that went way beyond the obvious. 

Pulling Out Samskaras?

We may decide that we have to dig down to those roots of fear and whatever else we are holding onto  and expose all the junk before the damn breaks...to be the ones in charge of this excavation project, but really, we do not have to do anything but stop putting more stuff on top of that which will naturally come up on its own. When we take our hands off it...it will come up in  a way that will not overwhelm us.  Source knows what we can handle and though it is certainly going to hurt ( what was stuffed with pain , will be released with pain), it will release as gently as it can. We will be able to manage it if it comes up naturally. 

But we have to stop reacting to what is going on in us and around us now...in order for that to happen. We have to stop grasping and clinging to the events going on now. We need to let these present moment things that unfold in front of us and in us ...pass through.  We need to get out of the way and leave  the big stuff to the Shakti to take care of. 

If we want to dance with God, we need to relax and release into what is. 

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe( Feb 2, 2023) The Answer Lies Within You. https://tou.org/talks/

Unfolding

 Because you are neither suppressing or expressing, the deeper spiritual state begins to unfold. You can still contribute to what is happening outside, but your actions are not personal in nature. They are simply beautiful moment-to moment interactions with reality that are serving the flow of life.

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 146

Not personal.  Do we get that? Our actions do not have to be so personally motivated, or all about  what "little me" can do or get from the experience. We can just do as things unfold in front of us.  Though I am still getting caught up in the remnants of "me" as I pursue my yoga teaching on another level..the greater .part of me is doing it for reasons that have nothing to do with "me".  I just feel pulled by that part of me even as little me continues to whine and scream in the background.  It is uncanny how this is all happening lol.

All is well! 

The Way It IS Meant To Be

 There is a sacred space between suppression and expression-pure experience.

Michael A. Singer page 143

I reread this line and reread this line on my third journey through the chapter, Neither Suppression or Expression, and it hit me so hard.  Of course this was where that wisdom below the mind was pulling me  before I even read the words as  synchronicity (what Carl Jung would label such coincidence ) would have it . And all I could say and feel was this resounding - Yes! 

It is in that space, and only in that space,  where we truly experience Life...where we live. Then I read the remainder of the paragraph and I was pretty much in tears. The resonance of an inner knowing often emerges like water  from the bottom of a  well when someone or something  uses the right equipment. Doesn't it?  Michael A. Singer uses the perfect tools for bringing that water from  the depths of this so called "me" to the surface.  It is so thirst quenching!  

In this state you are neither suppressing the energy internally or expressing it externally. You are simply willing to experience the energy coming from your heart and mind. The sorrow of death and the joy of birth are both coming up inside and feeding your soul. They are touching you all the way to the core of your being. You are not touching them-they are touching you. There is nothing to do about it. It is all simply a gift God is giving you. The mind is free to think, the heart is free to feel. All of this leaves you at peace, in a state of gratitude. This is the way it is meant to be.

Imagine feeling peaceful and grateful all the time for whatever emerges in front of you...be it something the ego mind would label as a tragedy or  something it would judge as an absolute blessing.  Imagine being open and willing enough to allow it all in...feel it as if  you have been given the greatest gift even if the doctor is telling you that you only have a few months to live, and then experiencing it...really experiencing it all before letting it go.  Imagine embracing all the ten thousand sorrows that Life offers in the same way you embrace the ten thousand joys, while noticing and revelling in the ten million neutral things we barely acknowledge each day. Imagine looking at it all as it unfolds and knowing in your heart and mind that it has nothing to do with you, you are just here to enjoy it, observe it and experience it. Imagine not having the need to brace yourself, or run and hide every time the mind judges something as unpleasant. Imagine not having to spend all your time and effort  seeking those things that your mind tells you will be pleasant and will fix what is broken inside you. Imagine realizing that there is nothing broken inside you...that there is nothing but pure perfect water in your depths and it is meant to flow...to quench you, the earth and every being in it. Imagine loving it all, being in awe of  the whole entire experience of Life. I want that! Do you? 

Singer and so many other great teachers of Truth tell us that this is the way it is meant to be for us. Yet here we are struggling and stuffing and suffering as we express ourselves in the most unwholesome of ways.  We are so caught up in judging experiences, then suppressing or reacting/expressing...instead of lingering joyously in the experiencing... space that exists between the two.

I think it was B.F. Skinner ( and I am not sure of that) who said there is a sacred pause between the stimulus and the response.  It is there where our wisdom lay.  This pause is the same space Singer is talking about, I believe. We need to realize who we are is in that space. Life is in that space and that is where we want to be.  We would be better off if  we welcomed and embraced all stimuli as it comes our way, accepting instead of resisting, so we can experience Life as it all flows through...the way it is meant to be. That is living!

All is well.

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

Allowing Fear

 

If you had no fear, you would be perfectly happy living in this world. 

Michael A. Singer

I have been busy working on a yoga page and trying to promote this clump of flesh and yet to be evolved mind ...as a yoga teacher.  I am about to teach a community class and open up my teaching in other ways. It has been frustrating for all kinds of reasons. Ego fear has a lot to do with that.  Instead of just experiencing the process without any concern for outcome...just feeling what it feels like to create and do what I feel  I am called to do...teach yoga as I learn yoga....I am still getting tangled up in psyche.  How do I look?  What will people think or say? Who am I to teach yoga and promote myself as a teacher when I still have so much to learn?  I don't know enough. Oh, that isn't good enough!  I am not good enough! People will see how imperfect I am.  What then?  

It goes on and on and on.  I just want to teach and share what I have learned and continue to learn.  I teach because I want to learn.  I learn because I want to teach.  It is a gestalt thingy. I want the pure and direct  experience of doing so whether I  look like a fool and goof up royally or if I succeed in society's terms.  Fork society's terms lol.  I want this stuff that is finally starting to flow in me to take over and do the teaching but "me" is still in the way- whining and complaining, looking for attention and doing what it can so those old samskaras don't come up.  Why?  Because it is terrified...it is afraid of fear and wants to do what it can to avoid it.

Imagine if the people who created and did the most amazing things on this planet...like finding the cure for a life threatening disease, or sending a rocket to the moon, writing  a piece of literature that reminded people who they really were under their skins and made the world a better place, or composed a piece of music that brought people to their knees...allowed their fear of fear to get in the way of them experiencing Life.  The world would not be enjoying their creations right now! 

The thing is, we need to let go of those notions of pleasant and unpleasant, good or bad, right or wrong.  Fear, basic human fear, is neither a good thing or a bad thing...it just is.  It is biological part of being human. It comes in , we can experience it , be curious about it, explore it and then let it go...or we can do what most of us do: spend our lives fruitlessly trying to avoid it. We fear fear and we attempt to avoid it! There is no avoiding fear. It simply is a part of Life but we let our minds tell us there is and we listen to  what it tells us to do: Grab that!  Avoid that!  Go there! Stay away from there! Attain this! Push that away! etc etc

Fear of fear is in the way, preventing "me" from enjoying this experience.Fear is in the way because me is in the way. Fear of fear is of the "me" and the "me" is what is really in the way. I need to embrace this fear, explore it, experience it instead of resisting it....no matter how this all turns out.  It doesn't matter.  It is the experiencing that counts. Fear is worth experiencing!

Look forward to everything and then there will be no fear…be totally accepting of Life and all it offers [even fear].

Michael A. Singer (Somewhat paraphrased)

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( January 9, 2023) Total Openness-Total Joy.https://tou.org/talk-archive/ 

Not the Saddest!

 

Not the Saddest of them all!

On reading that poem I had to comment.  It was meant to just express how the mind tells us, if it doesn't tell us we are the greatest,  that "me" is the worse off ...the saddest, the loneliest, the most  deserving victim etc. And we have trained the mind...the mirror...to reflect that victim status back to us and to help us find ways out there to solve all our so called problems by showing us what to do about it.  When really, that mirror is just a distorted reflection of reality and if we want to heal at the deepest level we must stop looking to it to show us a world it simply distorts. We have to stop asking it to tell us what to do about the mess inside us "out there". This mirror isn't magic, it's crazy!! lol We must close our eyes and  walk away! Not from Life!!!! From the reflection  the mind is giving us.

Just wanted to clear that up.

All is well

Mirror, Mirror

 Mirror, Mirror on the wall,

I am the saddest of them all.

Show me, please, what I must see

to make the world what it needs to be, 

so all the sad things fade away

and the world inside me is okay. 

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

I am the neediest of them all.

Show me, please,  what I must do

to make all those things out there come true.

What should I grasp for or push away?

What  should I do, think or say?

What minute details should I create

to build  in me a peaceful state? 

Oh Mirror, Mirror on the wall

I am the loneliest of them all.

Show me, please,  who will fix my heart

and love me wholly from the start,

filling in each fissure, crack and hole

by taking responsibility for my soul.

Oh Mirror, Mirror on the wall,

I am the most frightened of them all.

Show me, please, where safety lay 

so I can go there to hide away.

Show me when  to close my eyes

and turn away from each surprise.

Protect me with some loving arms

or at least sound your loud alarms

so I can run when danger comes 

to a place that soothes, distracts and numbs.

Oh Mirror, Mirror on the Wall 

Please? You are nothing real at all,

just a reflection of a broken mind. 

The more I look, the more I'm blind.

I close my eyes and walk away

You give me lies ; I will not stay.

Dale-Lyn, January 2023

I can't believe I am putting that up.  The remains of Ego are saying, "Nooooooooo! Don't do it!" , lol  And that is exactly why I must do it! 

Anyway...check the links on the previous entry to see why I was inspired to sit here why this came out of me. 

All is well!

Being a Rare Flower; Willing to Heal the Heart

 Spiritual growth is about fixing the heart and returning it to a state of well being. It should be clear by now that the problem is not outside in the world; the problem is your inability to handle your heart's full expression of the world. Page 141

As if Michaels Singer didn't already do a great job explaining the need for heart healing in living untethered,  he explain it even better in the podcast from, The Temple of the Universe, as linked below.  In it he explains how the heart got broken in the first place.  We broke our own hearts!!

Yes samskaras have certainly caused a lot of problems inside us but what really did a number on us is our unwholesome use of the mind.  We tend to use the mind as a place to run to in order to escape the mess we left behind in our hearts. We ask the mind to look around at the world and to come back and tell us what we need to grab or fix, what we need to push away "out there," just  so we don't have to deal with what is "in here". 

There is definitely "pain" in our hearts...there is unpleasantness and many normal challenging emotions we have judged as "bad, wrong, shouldn't be!" We don't want to deal with that, do we? So we go to the mind and we ask it to  distract us and numb us from the experience of heart; to dazzle us and divert our attention to its amazing analysing  and conceptualizing ability; and to do the impossible duty of changing "what is" into something that works for us.  The mind simply tries to do what we ask it to and does its best to create a comfortable and safe zone for us  to hang out. Despite how busy and crazy it can get  up there, the mind's creation is familiar and it keeps us from heart pain....well to a certain degree. 

But the heart is still broken and hurting, neglected and abused, calling out for our attention whenever life circumstance triggers it or bumps into it. A broken heart cannot release what it is meant to release...love, joy, peace , inspiration etc. We don't get that stuff from outside...it is inside us, where it always was  ...in the heart.  It is blocked  from flowing up and out because of the samskaras and all the brokenness that is in the way. It is the heart, not the world that needs to be healed.  We can not even begin to heal the heart, however,  if the mind is in the way and the mind is in the way for most of us. 

Michael Singer explains that the way out of suffering is all about going to where that suffering is...the heart.  You really don't have to jump to get there, you just have to stop going to the mind. We automatically go to the heart when we refuse to go to the mind any longer. When we refuse to look "out there" for both the cause and solution to all our problems, when we realize how responsible we, and we alone, are for the mess in our hearts and become willing to go to the roots, we will find ourselves  sitting  with the heart and all its pain. We have to be willing to face, not run, from that pain in order to get to the amazing stuff behind it. That willingness to go to the heart, to make it the object of consciousness, rather than the mind, is key.

Few of us, however,  are willing to leave the mind and begin this painful journey into the heart.  We have run from heart pain for so long, hiding out in all our thinking and doing, that the thought of simply being in  with that pain is overwhelming for many of us.  We would rather keep running in the hundreds of unwholesome ways that we do. We would rather keep depending on the mind to take us away like a box of Calgon.  But the mind can't heal us...it is too broken.  We are asking a broken,  neurotic mind to tell us how not to be neurotic or broken. It doesn't work.  It just causes more pain.  And where does that new pain go? Back to the heart making it  sicker than it already is. 

The only way  out of suffering is through the heart.  In the same token, the only way to experience true love, peace, joy and bliss is through the heart, as well. It is not through the mind and not through the world out there, that we will be freed.  It is only through the heart. 

Turn round and face what is in your heart. If you are willing to do that, Michael Singer says, you are a rare flower on this planet.  Instead of doing what all the other flowers are doing becasue it is "normal", you will be standing alone and doing the only thing that can truly bring you everlasting peace. You will be healing your heart. 

My sankalpa, as I mentioned before,  is always: "My heart is opening; my heart is releasing; my heart is healing and my heart is expanding."

As this becomes my priority in life, I may be an odd and weird looking flower amongst the many but I am determined to experience what is on the other side of this heart pain.  I am going to stop resisting and just sit with my heart in the same way I sat with my children when they were sick, rocking them patiently and lovingly against my chest until they were well once again.  I didn't heal them persay, I just was attentively present,  as I allowed it all to pass, embracing all of it until it did. That, I believe, is how we heal the heart.  We simply become willing and attentive to its needs.

All is well.

Every experience makes you a greater person if you don't resist it.Page 141

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

Micahe A. Singer/ The Temple of the Universe. ( January 8, 2023) When May I Live In the Love of My Heart. https://tou.org/talk-archive/

Appreciating the Instrument

Just as the human mind is something extraordinary that can take you beyond the limit of your senses, so the human heart is even more extraordinary.  It can play notes from one end of the spectrum to another.  Your heart can go from absolute ecstasy to deep pain and sorrow in a matter of seconds.  It can raise you to heights where you feel like angel wings are carrying you to heaven, and it can bring you down to your darkest hours...what an amazing instrument you carry inside of you.page 139

I love this description of the heart that Michael A. Singer offers us.  I love looking at the heart as a beautiful musical instrument...a violin, chelo or a harp maybe. Something that can create the most amazing music...that which can move us to tears, be they tears of joy or tears of the deepest sorrow.  Up and down our hearts beat out so many notes of emotion,  creating this music  Life would be so empty without. 

Why are we not okay with our hearts then?

The trouble is you're not okay with the full range of your heart.  You want to control your heart so it only plays the notes you can handle. Spirituality is about learning to thank your heart for the beautiful expressions it is creating within you.140

We are not okay with our hearts because we only want them to play certain notes. We don't see how each note is needed in this melody. We do what we can to shut down or prevent the low or unpleasant notes from being added to the arrangement. When we hear  or anticipate we will hear what we, in our tone deaf states, believe will be painful and unnecessary we step in, waving  our flimsy batons in the air ...saying "No, no, no!" As if we know better than the heart or the brilliant composer behind the music does.  We know nothing...except that for a second or two it is sometimes unpleasant inside and we don't like unpleasant.  So we shut down or push down those notes and we destroy the masterpiece of this perfect performance the heart is giving us. We mess it all up when it would have been perfect...full of sorrow, full of joy...just as it is if we would only  let it in  and let it all be. 

What we need to do is appreciate and thank our hearts for the beautiful range of notes/emotions it is giving us to experience.  Remember we are here to experience, not control. We are not here to control the music.  We do not know enough about Life to do so. But the heart knows.  We need to learn to appreciate what the heart can do...all of it!!

Learn to enjoy your heart by ceasing to resist it, Its not about losing yourself in your emotions. It is about being willing to experience them in the same way you experience a beautiful sunset. You simply let the sunset come in...You are simply allowing awareness to be aware of what is in front of it. Sometimes it is a beautiful sunset, sometimes it it is a sense of loss...You are not clinging or suppressing it.Page 142

All is well

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True

Letting Go

 Every single moment of your life you are either naturally enjoying what is or letting go of what is keeping you from letting go of what is. If you let go of the wants and fears that are limiting you, you'll always be okay. Letting go of yourself, instead of serving yourself, is the real paradigm shift. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered ( 2022; New Harbinger/ Sounds True), Page 138

I am not quite naturally enjoying what is right now, as the poem below will attest to, but I am committed to the  process of letting go of that which is preventing me from enjoying all of life, exactly as it is.

All is well!

Cracking?

 High Waters

Cracking, cracking, cracking

the hidden waters, 

for too long forgotten, 

knock against that 

which holds them back.

A trickle, 

then a stream 

emerges  in puddles, 

up and through,

the impressions,

 left by winter's frozen grip.

Cracking, cracking, cracking...

they push

until Spring's  persistent 

intention to renew

unleashes  

the full force of something

so determined to be free.

And "me" , 

as a tiny speck of wooden debris,

once so sure of the solidity 

of that which I  rested upon,

am pulled so violently 

down and away,

Cracking, cracking, cracking...

armour falls apart in pieces.

The once contained force is strong...

my power to suppress,

 push away, 

and hold it back is weak. 

I am swept away 

with the pieces of jagged ice,

crying out 

as they tear into my flesh, 

knocking me around 

until I am dizzy.  

All I thought I was 

is now caught up 

in the turbulent flow...

and "me" 

is cracking, cracking, cracking,

as it is pulled along.

Why is it so surprising?

I have witnessed many 

changing seasons...

many freezings and

many thaws.

This gushing force 

has always been there,

though I could not see it,

hiding in the depths 

beneath  the thick barrier 

of samskaras 

which are now 

nothing but broken chunks. ...

cracking, cracking, cracking.

The flow is taking "me" away

and I am both surprised 

ad frightened by its power.

I reach out to passing shorelines,

seeking something solid 

to hold on to 

so I can pull this weary form

from these cold currents.

But alas ....

everything I attempt to grasp

slips through my fingers,

 becoming nothing but sand

I was never meant to cling to

My resistance is 

....cracking, cracking , cracking.

I have no choice

but to surrender 

to the cracking ice 

and the high waters' release.

It won't be until I let go

and stop resisting, 

until I lay back into the flow,

allowing the samskaras to

brush against me 

and naturally melt around me 

as the waters  continue to rise 

higher, higher and higher,

that I will feel 

the kind, supportive arms 

of this flow,

confidently lifting me up and away

from my old delusions of solidity.

Drifting  back 

into these  fluid arms,

I close my eyes

and breathe.

I allow myself to be

carried by nature's

ever knowing power.

I am being taken, 

the voice within 

the depths whispers,

not to destruction,

but to  freedom.

I am being carried to 

 the infinite space 

of  an ocean

 that never freezes, 

and never cracks.

These high waters

are taking me home.

I want to go home.

Dale-Lyn , January, 2023

Hmm! This came out of me as life continued to knock and knock and knock on my psyche demanding my attention today.  I thought for a bit there,  that I would crack.  Still this was determined to come out. Despite all the  interruptions and other things I had to deal with, both inside and outside, this came out. Imperfect, for sure but it has something in it I am meant to listen to.  

Man I am overwhelmed by life circumstance right now. Why?  because my ice is cracking open and all these pieces of samskaras keep bumping into me, cutting into me, shoving me up against the boulders. I am kind of confused and overwhelmed by feeling that was stuffed inside me for so long. I have to deal with that as well as the circumstances unfolding in front of me.  As my samskaras crack open and are carried away by Shakti I am challenged to stop grabbing for the shoreline and to  just lay back so I can get to that ocean! I  just want to get to that ocean. :) 

All is well!

Be In the Space

 Between the stimulus and the response there is a space.  In this space is the power to choose  our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Victor Frankyl

Hmm! Let's look at this space that exists between the stimulus ( that which triggers us) and the response ( the emotional and behavioural reaction).  This space is everything...it is who we are.  It is the  pause between the in and the out breath, our peaceful and kind essence, and it is the back row seat we always have the option to drift back to when we are too caught up in the drama unfolding on the stage in front of us. It is clarity, stillness, silence. It is a kind and loving attention which we can apply to ourselves and to the world to ensure wholesome response. 

Tara Brach explains that we all have the biological and conditioned reflex in us to be prepared to react to the negative.  We are programmed to look for the negative and potentially harmful stimuli  in our environment so we can respond.  We are always on alert and ready to do so. (Thanks  amygdala! ) As a result, we pull back and away pretty quickly when we set our hands on the hot stove of life.  In such a case there is very little time between the stimuli...awareness of that which causes or has the potential to cause pain... and the response. This can make us pretty reactive,  anxious, focused on the negative and not too much fun to be around. Often we use that negative focus and hyper alert states against others.  And we use it against our selves.  We focus our unkind attention on what is or could be wrong with us.  In fear of our own inadequacy, we often assume we will be hurt by others or the world and close off in self protection mode or we strike out before we are struck. 

But, she reminds us,  we also have ingrained in us the  capacity for tending and befriending . We have many seeds of compassion, kindness, love in us as well.  They are contained in that space between the stimulus and the response...waiting for the opportunity to sprout outward.  They are our power.  If we take the time to sit in that space...to extend it long enough for us to water and nourish those seeds...our responses  will be less reflexive and  more wholesome and life affirming for us and for others. 

We grow and are freed, the more we are in that space. Why? Because instead of getting lost in fearful, aggressive or unwholesome reactions, we put that kind attention on what really matters...not the stimulus, not the response...but the space itself.  That is who we are.

All is well.

Tara Brach (November, 2021) Meditation: Awakening Self Compassion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMkzlOhnaQU&t=1s

Tara Brach/ Sounds True (2019?) Waking up from the Trance of Unworthiness With Tara Brach. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0G_kS6XIEE&t=1s