Humanness Awakens

 Trust allows you to call forth your negativities in order to heal them. ...Do not despair because your humanness awakens.

Gary Zukav, page 232

My humanness awoke today...not that it was ever in deep sleep lol...but it  really woke up cranky to remind me, "Hey girl...you are still very much human no matter how you try to see yourself as beyond your body's limits. The body  doesn't go away, no matter how evolved you tell yourself you are becoming." 

I have been dismissing my body's symptoms again, convincing myself in more ways than one,  that my mind and my new energy level was so strong now that I did not have to succumb to my body's demands. I have been doing more exercise, more chasing around, swinging around, carrying around  and playing with my grand-kids.  I  have been moving heavy furniture and helping my daughter to move here and there over the last few months...lifting heavy boxes, jumping up onto the backs of trucks or trailers with them...I have even  been doing hard physical labor that would make an athlete sweat, like helping with the roofing months ago.  I have been shoveling when there was snow. I have been doing so much more than I have been used to doing. I mean I would get the symptoms during the exertion but ws able to take my mind away from them...I did not allow them to "scare me into stopping".  It was so cool how I stopped being afraid of them. The fear always made it worse. 

Today, after I spent the evening yesterday  helping my daughter move, I ended up with a bad dose of angina...worse than I had in a while.  I had a lot of Shortness of Breath and chest pain when I was lifting and carrying yesterday but I convinced myself  that it was okay...all good....not going to stop me.  But as is the way with me...I usually feel worse the next day...So as I was sitting with my tea this morning,  there it came, making its  breath taking appearance... chest pain...that went from a 5 to an 8 in a matter of minutes. I reached for my nitro, remembering that it was way expired.  I had not gotten  a new prescription becasue I had convinced myself I was all over this nonsense, I was done with Nitro and Emergency Room visits etc.  Man I had myself convinced. As I held that bottle with the 2019 expiry date on its bottom that I had used a few months ago during the last attack...I thought it worked then but would it still work now? I also  thought, if this doesn't work, I will have to go in to the ER and the thought of having to do that made the pain go to 9. I literally wanted to throw up at the thought of having to face all that crap again. .  I was sweating all over. I even hesitated to take the Nitro  becasue I didn't want to discover that it didn't work.

Then out of nowhere I had this "feeling" ...that kind of said, "Trust! Your body needs this.  It will work!" I took a hit and within five minutes I was feeling as right as rain.  So much relief and gratitude filled me I cried. After my past experiences, I have had great difficulty trusting my body symptoms, listening to them.  I felt empowered when I was able to convince myself that I could talk myself out of them or ignore them. That was false empowerment, I suppose.

True empowerment comes when we embrace all of our humanness, all of our negativity.  It is true that my evolving has lead me past my fear of death which is absolutely wonderful!!!  I accept that if my time is going to come soon, it is going to come. And that is one of the Five Remembrances from the Buddhist, "Subject of Contemplation" Sutra:  I am of the nature to die.  There is no way to escape death. So without this fear my experience of illness has a totally different context than it had before.  But that does not mean I am exempt from illness, that my body will not get sick or complain as it is beginning to do again as I write this.  Though I do not want to dwell on labels or specific disorders, knowing that is not who I am, I have diagnosed my body's condition long before I was actually diagnosed by a cardiologist. (I was diagnosed and am being treated for)  My body is challenged by something called, "Coronary Vasospasm" ...the arteries that feed my heart spasm  if I exert myself too much, or get too emotional or stressed, resulting in a decreased blood flow to the heart muscle which is technically Angina.  For me...it comes in clusters...I may not have any pain for months but once it starts I will have several attacks over a few days. I believe this is a familial condition and responsible for heart attacks in other siblings of mine, and possibly for the Sudden Cardiac Death of my older sister. I have been struggling with this for almost 30 years now and have yet to have a heart attack. So I guess that means my body is doing whatever it can to get me to pay attention so that doesn't happen. I can trust the pain when it tells me "Stop! Rest!  Take Nitro!" 

Anyway, I share that because we all need to remember the second of the Five Remembrances , not just the Third.  No...we should not live in fear of illness or death but we must face the reality of it.  We are not our bodies but our bodies are part of the package of our experience as human beings. We should not despair when our humanness awakens. 

I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape having ill health

At the same time we need to remember we are so much than these bodies, the only parts of us that succumb to illness and death.

I need another shot. 

All is well! 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upajjhatthana_Sutta#:~:text=The%20Upajjhatthana%20Sutta%20(%22Subjects%20for,fragility%20and%20our%20true%20inheritance.

Happy Mother's Day

 Happy Mother's Day to all mothers everywhere! Being a Mother has little to do with genetic links, I am learning, and everything to do with Love. Have a wonderful day! 

All is Well! 

Just Taking It Step by step

Use all your worldly connections, but not out of fear or panic. Do what you need to do on your end. Your choice comes in knowing appropriate timing, clear motivation and trust.  Allow intuition to guide your timing.  Take it inside, ask how you feel, then move forward. Allow yourself to experience what it is to learn step by step the freedom that comes from being unattached to the outcome, but operating from an empowered heart. 

Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul ( 2014, Simon and Schuster), page 231

Readership dropping down below five a day.  I hear people around me, who read this, saying...it isn't you...it is the site...take your content and go to another site.  Who knows?  I may do that someday.  I truly appreciate what this site has given me though.  It has given me a platform on which to wake up in semi-public, at least. It has also given me the privacy I longed for in the beginning until I got my feet wet...and then it offered the slow introduction into society that I felt compelled to make.  It has given me what I needed to "come out of the waking up closet" . I am grateful. 

My supporters are right, too.  It isn't "me" that is responsible for the low readership, just as it isn't "me" that is responsible when the hits are up to 500 a day ( as they were only once or twice lol) I mean, it isn't "me" that is coming out here but a Deeper Self in which we are all a part of.  This is so far beyond anything "me" would be able to do or even want to do.  I know after I write that and it is read by another there will be a lot more  bouncing off this page.lol Still it is what it is.

I lay back, put my feet up here, writing what I write, taking it step by step, guided by intuition  and just wait for the flow to take me home.  Where it will stop along the way, I haven't a clue.  Certainly going to hit some very low water that I will have to pole my way through, and some very rough water that I will just have to pray my way through. I will take it as it comes. I may also hit a fork somewhere up ahead and be asked to take another tributary.  With Grace and Intuition's help ,I will make that decision then.   For now, I am just going to go with the flow of this, regardless of how many readers are visiting or sticking around.  All good. 

All is well in my world. 

Grace and Flow

 Grace is uncontaminated conscious Light. It is Divinity. Prayer brings grace and grace calms you. ...Grace is the tranquilizer of the soul. With grace comes a knowing that what you are experiencing is necessary. It calms you with a sense of knowing. 

Gary Zukav, page 230-231

Looking for that Uncontaminated Conscious Light 

I guess it is Grace I am looking for when I pray, when I intend, when I test the Universe with one of my many challenges and attempt to "manifest" something. (That word "manifest" still just does not feel right when I write it or say it).  I want that peaceful, tranquilizing effect  that comes with knowing that all is in order, that all is happening exactly as it is meant to, that all I have to do is lay back and allow the flow of Life to take me where it is taking me. How easy and uncomplicated  Life would be for all of us if we operated by this uncontaminated [by conditioning] conscious Light. 

Struggling Against the Flow

So many of us resist this flow, don't we, because we do not trust it?  We believe we know better than Life how "this thing called living" should go. We panic as we are  pulled down the river ,banging into every rock and every jagged edge of the shore, getting lost in Eddies, grabbing for whatever we can to gain "control" of that which we were never meant to control.  Some of us even swim against the current , fighting it, falsely believing that we know the best direction we should be in and it isn't the direction the flow is taking us. How exhausting that is, when all we have to do is lay back and relax into the flow, into the present moment, exactly as it is.  

Lay Back and Relax

One of the greatest lessons I have ever received came from a River Guide on a white water rafting trip I went on years ago with friends. "If you fall in, don't fight the current.  Just lay back with your feet up and let the river take you home."  

The river is taking us all home but too often we let the Fear from the mind convince us we need to do whatever we can to stop our being pulled by this  flow or to at least control it. 

As I write here now, open and exposing my deeper Self in ways that many are uncomfortable with, becoming as transparent as the water itself, writing  about this "invisible something" that is responsible for the flow, I am learning to lay back and just go with it.  My ego, my personality, my mind, my "little me"...however you want to describe that entity within us that is hell bent on gaining power and control on this horizontal plane, ...wants me to kick, and flail, and turn around and swim the other way....especially when I hit those inevitable  patches of  choppy white water   Yet the more I pray for the ability to trust and be led, the more I repeat, "Thy Will be done," and  the more I find myself here, laying back with my feet up as Grace takes me peacefully  home, the more I relax  into "what is".  Oh I still panic and flail about from time to time reaching for the shore; sometimes I feel lost out in the middle of nowhere with nothing but choppy water to deal with ; I still have no idea where I am being taken  but the resisting is becoming less and less. I am actually starting to truly relax and enjoy the ride. (Thanks to Grace)  I guess, I am learning to trust after all.

Relax into the present moment. Do what you need to do in the present moment. Yours is not to worry about that which we call the future. 

Hmmm! All is well.

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Trusting or Doubting?

 Try looking at life as a beautifully well-organized dynamic. Trust the Universe. Trusting means that the circumstance you are in is working toward your best and most appropriate end. There is no when to that.  No end to that. It is.

The last chapter of Gary Zukav's book, The Seat of the Soul, is entitled Trust. I think it is the last chapter for a reason...because Trusting  is the most important and probably most challenging thing we humans have to learn to do while here.  Skeptical doubt is also listed as the last hindrance to our waking up for a reason.  Most of us, would you not guess, are plagued by doubt that Life has our back or that we are worthy enough to receive what she has to offer?  We doubt anything  we cannot see or understand as well.So how then can we trust that there is some "invisible""formless"  energy supporting us?  How can we trust the Universe then?  How can we trust that the crap we are going through now actually has a purpose for our greater good?

Trusting is Challenging

I find trusting absolutely a bit of a challenge.  Skeptical doubt is one of my biggest blocks to waking up, for sure.  Why? Maybe not for the usual reasons. 

Doubting and Manifesting

People might tell me that the only reason why I don't have the easiest set of circumstances showing up in my life...is because I am not "manifesting " correctly.  I am not "manifesting correctly", they may go on, because I am operating under the low vibration energy of doubt instead of the high energy vibration of trust.   I don't even like going there.  I have issues, as you may know, with the term "manifest".  I don't want to put my energy towards  intending "things" (that I erroneously believe will bring happiness)  to pop up into my life out of nowhere.  I want to put my energy towards learning, expanding, evolving and awakening to a higher level of understanding...an understanding that will bring a peace that passes all means of understanding ( if that isn't confusing lol).  I truly know that things or  circumstances will not bring happiness or unhappiness...so though I certainly wouldn't turn my back on a better financial situation, I am not putting all my energy towards "desiring" that because I know how unskillful that is.  

I put a lot of my energy towards learning to accept and find peace with the circumstances I have now.  Does that mean I don't trust the Universe enough to manifest a better Life?  I think it simply means that I see that  the impersonal and busy Universe, has bigger and more important things to look after, than the ever changing  personal woes of a mind created entity I call "me". I am convinced now that my level of peace is determined , not by the events happenings around "me" or to "me", but by the state of my mind.  I want to be able to operate through Life with a calm. clear and peaceful mind.   If I had to manifest anything that is what I would manifest.  At the same time this process of developing or "retraining" "my" mind to be calm, clear and peaceful  is a process I thoroughly enjoy so I am not asking for a big "Poof!...Your mind is healed" kind of thing from the Universe, either. 

But I do want to trust  the Universe! I want to trust that regardless of how challenging my Life circumstances may "seem'...(again the degree of challenge I experience is simply a result of the state of my mind)....that it is benefiting me at some level I may not understand  and/or the world in some way.  That it is doing some good.  I could probably suffer through anything if I "knew" that any challenging thing I went through was serving a higher purpose.  Knowing that is trusting,  right? 

So that is what I "intend" , pray for, want to manifest: peace of mind and the ability to trust the Universe/ Life absolutely. ( which would bring more peace, wouldn't it?) 

Challenging the Universe to Prove that it  can be trusted. 

But  in my practicing and learning to trust, I may experiment with superficial things that the personality wants.  ( and yes the personality wants these things...big time!...even if the higher part of me knows they are not needed) I might say..."I want to trust you Universe...give me a sign!  If you want me to continue writing in a certain genre, give me a publication in that genre."   Now when I get that publication, I don't instantly trust.  It is still a struggle...I have years and years of doubt to get through. I might say, "Well maybe I need more than one publication to prove that."  

I may also experiment with things like money.  "I want 10,000 dollars by the end of such and such a time, in order to know you have my back."  If I don't get the money I will hear myself  saying, "See! The Universe doesn't have my back or I am not worthy enough!" Now I may get the 10,000 dollars, like I did once  a couple of months after my chosen time...and my doubt tendency may say to me, "Well it didn't come when you said, so that is not a sign."  Or maybe the "thing" I ask for comes in another form and in a way I was not expecting it  to and I  totally by pass it.   It gets tricky.  even clear signs  do not always dispel the doubt or foster trust.  even when some of these signs are pretty clear.    Then I kind of feel I am getting off my true path by "playing with this manifesting possibility" and for "testing and challenging the Universe"  when I know none of these things are truly important. Its fun but these games will not bring me to my true goal of peace. 

So now what I am trying to do,  (if "try" is  something we can apply to the process of  trusting...it should be more of a falling into and a letting go, right?)   Anyway...what I do now is simply pray: "Please help me to trust that which I cannot see, so that I can find peace in my present situations, regardless of how they appear,  knowing that they are taking me and others to a higher place.  Let me surrender to the "Thy Will be done!" mantra. 

I did let go and surrender before in my desire to trust the Universe. ...in my desire to be taken to a higher place.  It certainly didn't result in abundance for the personality, but now that I think about it,  it did help me to trust more. 

This is what I wrote at that time: 

Ego Hisses

whispers from that place of secrets
become screams in my ears
twisting, turning messages that
express the truth I fear
I suddenly decide to listen
to stop, head stilled to the side
while I decipher all the wisdom
and put away my pride

ego hisses at me with its
desperate pleading cries
to ignore the truths I’m offered
calling them foolish, new age lies
it warns me of the darkness
the desolation I will face
if I go forward with these directions
and leave this warm, familiar place

yet I find myself moving onward
pushing ego’s carcass to the floor
and taking slow, hesitant steps
I move through the open door

I don’t know what I will be facing

what is on the other side
but I know the door has been opened
and it is open very wide.

Dale- Lyn, Nov 2013

Working On it. All is well! 

Release your specifications and say to the Universe, "Find me where you know I need to be." Let them go and trust that the Universe will provide, and so it shall. Let go of all.  Let your higher Self complete its task. 

Gary Zukav (198/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

"Can I help you?"

 

Even if you only help one person, and even if that one person is yourself, then what you are doing is worth it.

Unknown

Readers are down again, according to statistics and Google analytics.  Well they were always down according to Google analytics...but now I see numbers are ranging below ten a day on my site.  That could simply mean that the Blogger site has reinforced its defensive walls and only the true and loyal readers are now getting through.  That, of course, would also mean  there has always been only a handful of true and loyal readers from the beginning. Thank you good and loyal readers. :) 

Google Analytics tells me ...  that I am not attracting or keeping new readers. It seems that very few are  interested in what I have to say or how I say it.  Most, besides the few readers who find exactly what they were looking for here,  pop in to my obscure and hard to find little shop in the middle of nowhere only becasue they stumbled upon it accidentally on their way to somewhere else or were  directed here by a  little hand painted sign,  with its aging letters fading,  stapled to some post on a back country road. 

Curiously,  readers  open the door.    The bell rings, they step in over the threshold  but before I have a chance to say, "Can I help you?", most visitors just shrug their shoulders, and walk away.  I assume that they are instantly  hit with the musty smell  of "old" as they look around to see surrounding them so many chipped and worn out things in the form of thoughts and ideas that make them feel uncomfortable. They might  choke on the dust or be overwhelmed by the clutter. My eclectic collection is not fresh, and new and modern.  It doesn't distract, it reminds.  It doesn't numb, it  brings up memories and feelings that  they have spent their life times trying to forget.  

My shop is not for everyone.  Only a few will enter, seeking exactly what they are hoping I offer here.  Some will find it, more won't. 

Hmmm!  Should I turn off the lights, flick the switch on the door, and put a "Closed" or "Out of Business" sign in the window?  Without customers, a shop is really not a worthwhile business venture , is it?  Yet, my idea of success differs from that of  other people. 

 I know  if that bell keeps ringing there is hope, isn't there, that at least one person will find what they are looking for?  And if one person finds a little something here that makes their life more bearable, more meaningful in some small little way...then I will consider my shop a success. Besides, I like being here, surrounded by words, old, old thoughts and ideas.  I learn something new everyday.  And that  Light  that streams  in from the front window is perfect, warming me, inspiring me and encouraging me ( whoever this "me" is) to go on. Whatever this shop offers is healing.   For that reason, I will leave the "Come in, We are open" sign in the window and I will continue to ask, "Can I help you?" whenever someone walks in through the door. 

All is well. 

Another Poem in Progress

In Active Labour with One of Three Poems 

 I felt a poem wanting to come through today as I was listening to the wise speaking about letting go.  Something Thich Nhat Hanh said, in particular, led to some labor pains.  I also have a poem that wanted to come out a week ago that is still waiting to be delivered.  And as I was taking the dogs for a walk today I felt  another one rumbling inside me ... something to do with how suddenly it was May.  Three poems waiting to come out. I figured it was time to get at least one of those babies on paper. So I sat down when I got home and scribbled on a piece of paper several things that popped up until this came out of the birthing room. Don't judge my baby, k?

Work in Progress

Where is April? 

May just seemed to appear, 

out of nowhere. 

She is  suddenly here beside me 

smiling in the  bright and sunny

way she does. 

Wrapped in colorful ribbons  

with their long tails floating behind her,

she playfully skips every second step.

Her unexpected appearance 

surprises me and 

my winter-weary body

finds it hard to keep up. 

My dogs, excited by the scent of her,

strain at their leashes to embrace 

all that she is.

.  

She is certainly embraceable.

Still,

I was not expecting May's company so soon.

It leaves me a little unsettled

Only yesterday, it seemed,

 I walked with 

an exhausted April down this very same trail. 

I slowed my step

when she  gasped for  breath 

between the late lashings 

of  snow and sleet and ice she was receiving.

 I turned my eyes away ,

blushing in embarrassment 

when  the  frustrated maternal sky, 

dark and heavy with disappointment

stood over her forth child , hands on hips

disciplining much too loudly. 

I listened, though I didn't want to, 

while Sky coached  her daughter , not so gently,

to give back that which she had stolen

from the invisible world around us.

And April,

insisting, to no avail, 

that she was innocent and wrongfully accused, 

not knowing what else to do, I suppose,

just hung her heavy head and cried. 

She cried and cried and cried. 

Only yesterday, it seemed,

I was in the company of a weeping April.

Assuming she would appreciate 

my silent nonjudgmental company,

I was quiet as we walked together,

my eyes down cast 

focusing on her heavy step

and  her fists curled up into tight little balls

as  tears brought on by her mother's grey wrath

made deep puddles around our feet.. 

Only yesterday, it seemed,

I walked with April

but today  she and the dirty  patches of snow

she clung to for penance

and the puddles of tears

I've become so used to,

are no where to be seen . 

She has disappeared

without so much as a goodbye.

Yesterday, I walked with April

and today, I walk with May. 

 I look into the  youthful  face

of my new companion, 

so different than her sister's, 

flushed with sunshine, 

eyes shining with nature's approval

as beams of golden accolades 

from a blue and spacious mother

drop upon her,

touching all with that

which April never knew.

Though I find myself 

smiling at May's company,

laughing at her silly antics,

warmed by her happy and joyful disposition  

I miss the sensitive company

of her older sister.

Maybe because 

 I can empathize with April  more. 

Besides, I have been made privy to April's  secret, 

to the truth she withheld from her mother. 

I caught  a glimpse 

when her grip loosened

of that which was  hidden in

her once tight little fists ...

 Green and hopeful,

magical and precious...

I seen the gems shining through

the cracks in  her tired fingers. 

Her mother was right...

She had stolen from the ethereal  space around us.

She  had taken wisps of Life from the air...

when no one was looking 

and squeezed her fists around it, 

hiding it, protecting it, 

saving it for her little sister's glory.

And now, unseen and ethereal too,

she  gives it back to all. 

I see her opened palms 

on the tips of hardwood branches,

the helmets  of crocuses, daffodils  and tulips 

pushing their way through the  frozen earth, 

and in the tufts of grass where the puddles were. 

I see her little hands  opening everywhere,

releasing the magic of her stolen gift 

into a yawning world

and

I know she has not left us.  

 May is here now, 

laughing and skipping beside me,

receiving her mother's golden approval,

only  because of her big sister's  selfless  sacrifice.

April  has not left us.  

She is everywhere. 

© Dale-Lyn, May, 2022

 Man, it always blows me away how "soulful" poetry is, how it opens up to the depth of who we are.  After I wrote this poem, as imperfect as it may be, I became aware of a deeper meaning to it.  I seen my late sister as April and the rest of us younger sister (4) as growing and glowing because of her.  Wow!  I had no idea I was thinking of her but there she ws.  Like April, she is still everywhere. 

All is well. 

Forgiveness and Love in a Dancing Heart

 The heart that dances is the innocent heart. The one that cannot laugh is burdened. It is the dancing heart that is harmless. 

Gary Zukav

Besides clarity and humility, the other two characteristics of an awakening human being (what Zukav refers to as the "multi-sensory personality") are the ability to forgive and the ability to Love. 

Forgiveness is not a moral issue.  It is an energy dynamic. ...forgiveness means you do not carry the baggage of an experience. ...you do not hold others responsible for your experience....When you forgive you release critical judgment of yourself and others. You lighten up.

An authentically empowered person lives in love. Love is the energy of the soul.  Love is what heals  the personality.  There is nothing that cannot be healed by love.  There is nothing but love. 

Love does more than bring peace where there is conflict.  It brings a different way of being in the world. It brings harmony and an active interest in the well-being of others.  It brings concern and care.  It brings Light. It washes away the concerns of the personality.  In the Light of love there is only love. 

From Chapter 15, Power

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Letting Go of Our Cows

 There is great joy in having nothing to lose.

Thich Naht Hanh

Letting Go seemed to be the main topic  that I grasped today in my listening to the words of others much wiser than this thing I call  "me'.  I listened to the same four I listened to yesterday in  different videos at least address this idea : Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hanh and The Mindful Movement. 

Watts talked about the need to release this entire idea of "self" and by doing so we  give up this strange notion and effort of transforming ourselves. He said attempting to transform ourselves is like trying to lift ourselves up into the air by pulling on our own boot straps. Requiring so much effort getting us nowhere. If we would only let go of all this wasted effort, these false ideas we have of self and what self needs to do and just instead...stop and watch...watch it, watch nature , just watch what is happening in us and around us without judging, labeling, making distinctions about what is "bad, wrong, shouldn't be" ...our nature will begin to take care of itself.  Why?  Because when we let go, we simply get out of the way of a very natural and effortless flow. 

Eckhart Tolle spoke of the idea of letting go of the need for  will and effort in order to reach a higher level of being.  He spoke of the need for "relaxed alertness" and "gentle surrender" instead of trying to "force" ourselves into the present moment....which is an oxymoron in itself. This reminded me, as I was listening, of the Taoist philosophy of "effortless action", of flowing like water".  

Then as I was meditating to another guided meditation from The Mindful Movement , that came up for my consideration, I was encouraged to let go of the things within me that no longer serve: my negativity, this knot of restlessness and worry in my core, my past etc. 

Finally, listening to Thich Nhat Hanh, I was reminded of the importance of "releasing our cows", of letting go of our attachments, to those things we erroneously believe are necessary for our happiness.  We need to see that they are in fact obstacles to our peace and joy. One of the biggest cows we have to release and let go of is the  idea of happiness we hold onto based on the "if only " and the "when" of obtaining and clinging to  certain things or circumstances.  If only  I could get that publication, then I will be happy" or " I will only be happy if I can hang onto this level of success and  financial stability. "  "I will be happy when I find my soul mate...."When I can find a way to make my soul mate stay and never want to leave, then I will be happy. " 

A few entries ago I wrote about the cows I lost and the cows I am still clinging to.  There was a time in my life, where getting a clear and other-acceptable  medical diagnosis for my condition and therefore the treatment and support needed was a cow I desperately chased after. Man, was it a cow that didn't want to get caught lol.  I chased it and chased it and chased it from one pasture to another.  It was always so close...I could see it but it was never meant to be caught.  It was never mine to own, I guess.

I probably would have left that cow alone a lot sooner if it wasn't  for the fact that it was a lead cow.  All the  cows I seemed to have  in my life wanted to follow it.  The cows I clung to and thought I needed to stay happy and well:  a certain financial security, a level of health and fitness I cherished, a recognized and reputed social role,  a sense of purpose, the things this brought my children and self, a certain dignity and independence...just seemed to take off after this other cow I could never catch.  Before long I was like the farmer lost and desperately seeking cows I thought were mine. It took me a long time to realize that I was much better off without these cows...that they were actually obstacles in my Life preventing me from seeing what was beyond them.  When I released them and let them go...I felt tremendous peace and freedom.  It wasn't so much the cows themselves that were the problem, I realized.  It was my attachment to them...this idea I had that I needed them to be happy.  My spiritual growth sky rocketed  upon that realization.Hmm! 

There is truly joy in having nothing to lose. 

Anyway, letting go of our clinging, striving, our ideas of "me", all that which does not serve the greater Self and therefore the greater good, is a necessary thing for our growth and liberation. Gently surrendering to "what is" is always the best option.

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle (April 28, 2022 ) Does Will power Play a Part in Awakening. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mUocelSg7s

Thich Nhat Hanh/Awakened Nature (August, 2016) Thich Nhat Hanh Teaches About Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJCdkNXYOa0

Alan Watts/ Motivation Core (Jan, 2022) Alan Watt's Eye Opening Speech-Unexpected Truth.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfe7LUmqhcI

The Mindful Movement (September, 2016) 20 Minute Guided Meditation Letting Go of Negativity to  Unlock Your Full potential https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfsaEX9RX60

A Time For Everything

 A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

• a time to be born and a time to die
• a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted
• a time to kill [?], and a time to heal
• a time to break down, and a time to build up
• a time to weep, and a time to laugh
• a time to mourn and a time to dance
• a time to cast away stones, and a time to cast stones together
• a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing
• a time to seek, and a time to lose
• a time to keep, and a time to cast away
• a time to tear, and a time to sew
• a time to keep silence, and a time to speak
• a time to love, and a time to hate [?]
• a time for war[?], and a time for peace. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ESV  

(My inserted question marks may be  indications that I am still resisting through judgement the 

selected parts of the  flow of Life...or maybe it is an indication that I am just resisting man's BCE belief in the flow of human life based on the culture at that time??? )

Anyway...beautiful just the same. 

Note: was reminded of this passage today by Michael Singer in his podcast, Looking Into the Lake of Life. 

It clicked with :

It [clarity] is the perception in each moment that everything is designed for wholeness and perfection, and every aspect serves ultimately a beautiful learning. An authentically empowered personality...sees perfection in the smallest details everywhere.  Wherever it looks, it sees the hand of God. (Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul)

All is well! 

Clarity

Clarity is the perception of wisdom.  It is seeing with wisdom. It is being able to see and understand the illusion, and to let it play.

Gary Zukav

There has been so much learning today, from the last few pages of Zukav's The Seat of the Soul, from a Michael Singer Podcast , Looking into the Lake of Life which automatically reminded me of a poem I wrote a few years ago (see below), a guided meditation I listened to to from The Mindful Movement, Trust the Journey, and from my own meditation while gems of wisdom from the Yoga Vasisthas were recited in the background(Deepak Chopra). All of it connected in some strange serendipitous way bringing "my" little mind to this one thought about clarity.

Clarity is about being able to see beyond the illusion.

What illusion?

The outer world is there.  There are objects out there, just as the water on the Lake is out there but what we "see" is an illusion.  We do not see the water on the Lake of Life, we only see our reflection.  Like Narcissus, we are so absorbed with our reflection, so addicted to this idea of "little me" we cannot see that world our reflection is projected on. Until we are "enlightened", free of the illusion, everything we look upon will be contaminated by our perceptions, judgement, and expectations. As long as we are mesmerized by the illusion we will do whatever we can to prevent others and ourselves from disturbing it. We will be separated from Life by our fear.

What we are doing is attaching our personal and unreal meaning to that which is impersonal and real.  We don't know Life...we don't truly experience it when we are afraid to go beyond the surface reflection, that is merely an illusion we have of ourselves, and into the depths of the Lake, to the reality of Life. We cannot truly experience what it is to be alive in this moment  when we are afraid of disturbing that idea we have of "self". 

When we see wisely, we have clarity and with clarity we see how our reflection is in the way.  We can  see it as an illusion and are not afraid to go beyond it to the reality of Life. 

In the very imperfect poem below, I attempted to show just how futile it is to desperately attempt to cling to this notion we have of "little me", this reflective illusion. Clarity will guide us to freedom. 

 The Ego's Reflection

Like Narcissus did so curiously, many centuries ago
I look about for who I am.  I simply do not know.
When I glance into the water I am surprised by what I see;
there I find a shiny reflection staring smugly back at me.

"This must be who I am," I utter as I reach in to pick "me" up
but  alas this watery  image, with my hands, I just can't seem to cup.
It slips through my fingers no matter how tightly I hold on.
It drips, slithers  and  trickles away. What am I doing wrong?

Fear then overcomes me. This precious image I do not want to  lose.
So I seek and grasp  at any  form around me that  I can somehow use
to help me retrieve my perfect self from the surface of this lake;
to gather it up  in its shiny  form within me,  to end a desperate  ache.

But no matter what I grab or try to cling to, like the water, it slips through
the space between my fingers and disappears from earthly view.
I can not understand it as my  confusion and  frustration grows
I cry out questions to the Echo, to Nemesis and to anyone that knows.

"Why is it so challenging to hold onto a dense  object made of matter?
And why does this lovely image I look upon break apart and splatter
whenever I dip my fingers beneath the surface the gawking world sees?"
Then I hear the silent  answer from within me and I fall down upon  my knees.
 
What I look upon so longingly, will never be more than a  mere  reflection
always lacking in the depth of being , in sweet stillness and divine perfection.
I am not just a shadow rippling on the surface of this pool of collected rain
I am the Seer, not the seen.  I am the  creator, not the  goddess of the vain.

White and gold petals soon surround the image  marking its glorious rebirth
and the roots of understanding ground the Self I am more deeply into earth. 
Who I am cannot be reflected back for anyone to name, or know or see
and it is with  this eternal knowing that the Observer is finally set free.
 

©Dale-Lyn Feb 2020

All is well!

Deepak Chopra &Adam Plack( n.d.) The Secret of Healing: Meditations for Transformation. Spotify 

Michael Singer/ Sounds True ( April 30, 2022) Michael Singer podcast: Looking Into the Lake of Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G1zvgJvm7Y

The Mindful Movement ( December 23, 2017)) Mindfulness Meditation:  Trust the Journey: Guided Meditation 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

 He prayeth well, who loveth well

Both man and bird and beast.

He prayeth best, who loveth best

All things both great and small;

For the dear God who loveth us,

He made and loveth all.

From: The Rime of the Ancient Mainer, Samuel Taylor Coleridge (Sam)

This is the lesson learned and shared by the only surviving crew member of a ship that was pulled from England to the South Pole , then to the Pacific ocean and then mysteriously back home in this very long epic and classic poem.  This ancient Mariner  is now left to tell the gruesome ghostly tale of Life on that boat...a karmic debt created by his using a cross bow to kill an albatross who had befriended the crew, gave them hope and was seen as a good luck charm. This resulted in instant Karma, though I am not sure "Karma" would have been a word Coleridge would have used. :)  The crew member had to watch all his crew starve, thirst ( thus the line "Water, water everywhere") and perish only to return to life in a ghostly way while he craved for a death that never came.  His karmic debt now requires him to tell the haunting  story to someone every night in order to avoid being haunted by that memory  throughout the day of what he had done and what had followed. The  teaching he wants and needs to leave behind to those he selects to tell it to,  is that it is important to love all of God's creatures. It is so important , To do no harm!

Hmm! Felt compelled to put that here for some reason.

All is well! . 

Home is where the heart is

He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his  home.

Johann Wolfgang Van Goethe

I am going to ask you a question and it may seem that the answer to that question is going to be a "no-brainer". But really think about it.  

If you had a choice of living in an eloquent mansion, with everything your body needs or wants a reach away,  and being very, very unhappy or  living in  a cardboard box, never knowing where your next meal is coming from, and being very, very happy...what would you choose? 

I asked D. that question today and he had to think.  He was really leaning towards the mansion, reciting all kinds of reasons about how external circumstances make   the cardboard box a terrible choice.  I reminded him that he was blissfully happy while in the box and terribly, terribly unhappy while in the mansion. He has yet to give me an answer. 

What does this question really ask? 

It asks how much do you still believe that our circumstances determine our happiness and inner wellness? It asks, after all our learning, which path do you believe is the way to go : the horizontal or the vertical? It asks you to think about what needs are driving you at the present moment: the artificial needs of the personality or the authentic needs of the soul? It asks you to determine what it is you value most: outer or inner, body/ mind or soul, external comfort or internal peace.  It asks you to consider how much do you trust Life to provide what is really important? 

Hmm! 

I now know what I would choose.  I  know where inner wellness and happiness come from.  I know what path will take me farther in the long run. I know what needs I want to have driving me, even if at this part of my journey,  I may slip quite a bit. I know what I value most.  I am also wanting so very much to trust Life. 

Though I have never lived in either a mansion or a cardboard box, I have a tiny bit of life experience in the form of such decisions.   I have trusted Life before in some of my decision making and it was oh so scary to let go of certain things I thought I valued and needed. But I did! Did I manifest a life of  instant happiness, freedom, and enlightenment out of that choice?...no. 
Did I get aptly rewarded with comfort, ease and material abundance  for my oh so evolved decision ...definitely not. Did I encounter some suffering on the horizontal plane after that decision.  Big time!   Would I make the same choice again?  Yeah! I am confidant it was the best decision for me at the highest level. It was a huge step towards my "true" direction in Life. 

Now most of us will never have to choose between a mansion or a cardboard box, Thank God.  Most of will find ourselves living somewhere between those two points.  The question is then, regardless of your housing situation, regardless of your external circumstances...are you as happy and as well as you are meant to be?  Regardless of external environments  can you  find and fully experience the peace that is already right here and right now? 

Are you home? 

If not...maybe you need to have a good long look, not at the walls that surround you, but the walls you have built in your mind. Maybe, you like so, so many of us have to learn to let go and to trust Life a little more. Maybe, we all need to close our eyes and fall back into the circumstances Life  knows will take us to where we really want to be, that will nourish our souls even if it challenges our bodies and minds. . Who knows, maybe a few months in a cardboard box is exactly what our soul needs and wants in order to accomplish what it is here to do.  

Well that is something to at least think about, isn't it? 

All is well in my world. 

Renounce

 Renounce all notions... And  renounce the renouncer of those notions. When even the notion of the ego sense has ceased, you will be like infinite space. 

The Yoga Vasistha

All is well! 

Are You Operating From a Humble Spirit?

When the effort that finishes last in time has the same value that finishes first, when the quality of the immortal, timeless soul is honored instead of the time-bound personality and body, when your giving is not impeded by fear of vulnerability, when the size, color, or shape of what you receive or do not receive does not matter, you will know the power of a humble spirit. 

Gary Zukav, page 215

In Chapter 15: Power, Zukav explains that there are four basic characteristics of the authentically empowered human being: humility, forgiving nature, clarity and lovability. 

I am stuck on humble. The authentically empowered human is first of all, humble. I want so badly to be humble but I wonder if I am operating from a truly humble spirit or if my ego is just trying to create an image of humility so I feel spiritually superior? When I read the above passage, which by the way could have been taken from a passage in the Tao Te Ching, I began to question just how truly humble I am. 

When the effort that finishes last in time has the same value that finishes first...

(There is definitely a verse in the Tao that pretty much covers this notion...I just cannot remember where it is right now.) If we put just as much effort in the beginning of our endeavor as we do in the end...without faltering, without getting caught up in the need to competitively get ahead or "win". If we are not concerned with how we place in the scheme of things or in comparison to others...valuing what we do without attachment to outcome, unconcerned whether we are first or last, ....then we will know a humble spirit.    

When the quality of the immortal, timeless soul is honored instead of the time-bound personality and body....

When we recognize and salute ( as in "Namaste" ) , appreciate and revere the soul in ourselves and others; when we see and revere the endless, changeless nature of it over the impermanent, unreal and insignificant nature of the "little me" which is made up of body and mind, a false  identity we create...then we will know a humble spirit.

When your giving is not impeded by fear of vulnerability...

When we can give of ourselves without fear of what will happen to "little me" , without fear that we will expose its weaknesses and imperfections when we put ourselves out there to give what we have to give, that we may be setting  it up for failure, leaving  it defenseless and unprotected , taking away from it in order to give therefore creating loss,  ...if we can get beyond that fear and that notion that we have to defend "little me"so that we can give  freely from the heart  ...then we will know a humble spirit. 

When the size, color, or shape of what you receive or do not receive does not matter...

When we perceive Life's offerings without judgement, and distinction, labeling or describing...when we don't demand that Life gives us certain, specific things in a certain, specific way...when we trust Life enough to let it decide what we should have  or what we shouldn't have...not grasping or pushing away...when we openly accept Life as it unfolds in front of us without attachment to any of it, appreciating all of it...then we will know a humble spirit. 

When we can stop asking for or grasping for those things we do not need even when the mind tells us we do, if we can simply trust that the Universe has our back...that it knows what we truly need and it will provide, if we see that when we don't get that promotion or that publication that is just the Universe's way of saying we really didn't need it for our growth...and that broken leg or divorce...may be exactly what you needed on your journey toward love and wisdom....then we will truly know a humble spirit. 

Working on it.  What about you? 

A humble spirit does not ask for more than it  needs, and what it needs the Universe provides. A humble spirit is content with the fulfillment of its authentic needs,and is not burdened with artificial needs. page 216

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

King Janak's Example of Conquering the Mind

 Oh, I know at last the thief who has robbed me of the Atmic jewel of my Self.  His name is Mind. Long and grievously I have suffered, I shall impale him with his own bright sword of thought. 

I sat with a loved one in distress last evening and listened to her relay a very familiar story, one that many, many  minds create, one that causes great stress and unease inside her.  She relayed her misery over  failed attempts of reaching that which she was grasping for from the outside world in hope that it would bring her peace. Without it, her mind was convincing her,  she was doomed to a life without peace.  I wanted so badly to tell her that her suffering was a wonderful thing.  It could be a door that could bring her to  true everlasting peace if she could only look at it that way. It could lead her away from listening to the mind.   I wanted to tell her to stop her grasping because that is what was   keeping her from that which she was seeking.  I wanted to tell her to stop looking "out there" for her fulfillment.  That everything she needed was already within her...and the peace that would fulfill her would only be found by stopping, slowing down, relaxing into what is and going inward as King Janak had done. As she spoke about her stress and how her mind just wouldn't stop becasue of all the things that were happening in her Life...I wanted to explain to her that it was her mind that was the problem not what Life was doing  and that she could, she could master it. I wanted to tell her all this and though I may have slipped a few suggestions, a few pieces of this ancient and eternal wisdom into our conversation when it could apply,  for the most part, I just bit my tongue and listened.  

How do we teach this younger generation this truth so they can heal?  I am still trying to figure that out. 

In the Vasistha the story of a noble, kind and virtuous  emperor by the name of King Janak is told. Inspired by sages meditating in his gardens King Janak turned away from his wealth and all the trappings of the outer world to meditate and through that he found his freedom and great wisdom. 

The unrealities of me and you have dropped away, and I will never permit them to return.  Victory is mine over the mighty adversary of mind, who despoiled me of Atmic wisdom[ awareness of the true Self], and pain has ceased its affliction.  I have attained a life of sustained peace.  Great wisdom has rolled back the ponderous door to freedom.

Can we teach our youth, heck...can we teach ourselves to go about or daily lives, our duties without longing for more, without being caught up in  the  past and future so they are fully embraced in the what is of now, so they are serene and peaceful regardless of what is happening in their lives?  Wouldn't that be wonderful? 

We just need to find a way through that resistance, that is apparent in so many of us, to a better and easier way of being. 

As the warm sun in the sky, without volition[ will, effort or striving? ] or desire, causes the growth of seeds in the ground, so King Janak performed the duties, which arise daily without exaltation or longing.  Giving heed neither to the past nor the future, productive as such cognition is of discontent, King Janak met them serenely, with an undivided heart and  mind.

All is well. 

Yoga Vasistha as translated by Rishi Sing Gherwal (2021) Kindle

Are They Really That Important?

 It is not possible for you to experience the complete emergence of your soul when you are clouded over by artificial needs. When that happens all you can see are artificial needs, and you see them as being ever so important, ever so significant, but are they really? 

Gary Zukav, 207

Are they really?

Is the need for you to get ahead, to have that person treat you in the way they should treat you, to get promoted at work, to buy that house, to own that car, to have that amount of money in your account, to get published, to be noticed, to be thought of by others as "successful" etc etc etc...really that important? Is it possible that your striving to have these needs met, your trying to gain power outside yourself,  is getting you in trouble...at least at the soul level? 

Sure, the mind is telling you that they are oh so important and that if you do not get  those needs that create external power  met you will be a failure.... but Michael Singer reminds us, in the video attachment below, that our mind is just a guest in our Life.  We do not have to listen to it. The mind is the thing telling us we have to exhaust ourselves spinning around on some hamster wheel in search of what we believe these artificial needs will get us...when the spinning doesn't get us anywhere but dizzy. 

Failure and success, according to Gary Zukav, are just concepts we have created as part of our illusion. It is not the way of the universe to look through the eyes of right or wrong, and  failure or success. We are not failures because we have yet to catch up with some external form of power we have been chasing after.  We are merely learners! Sure it is okay to achieve these things like the great promotion, the great income etc.  If Life throws such blessings your way...good for you.  Enjoy it. Rejoice in it. (If it is what you really want and in some way it serves your soul)  Just don't make it your number one priority in life....the thing you are putting all your energy towards because you think it will fulfill you.  

We have needs , yes , but their are needs that are worth pursuing and needs that are not. What we really, really want is to be genuinely peaceful and  happy, right? What you really, really need is to be loved and to love.  You really, really need to cultivate your spirit and align your personality with your soul.  That is what will bring you the peace you hunger for, not going after that Ferrari or that trophy wife.We need to stop wasting our time pursuing things that will not get us closer to that which we really need.

Both Singer and Zukav tell us in one way or another that in order to find that which will truly make living worthwhile, we have to stop listening so much to the mind/personality whose needs are so different than those of the soul/higher self /conscious awareness. We need to first of all be conscious and aware  of  what type of goals we are pursuing: outer world or inner world? Artificial or Authentic? those motivated by the need for external power? Or those motivated by the need for internal power? Ego/personality directed pursuits? or soul directed? If we find ourselves so busy seeking things "out there" that we have forgotten all about the "in here", we then have to ask where pursuing the artificial needs are taking us.  Once we realize how this is impacting our physical life by exhausting us, our emotional life by not fulfilling us and our spiritual life by adding to our karmic debt...then we might decide to get off the darn hamster wheel.  We might decide to  to perceive and pursue differently. 

We already have what we truly need.  The Universe ensures that. We just don't see it when we are running after those outer world things that take us anywhere but closer to soul. We need to make it a point to observe our neediness in action.  Take a detached step back and relax in the face of what the mind is doing  . Witness it as the conscious Self. ( Singer). Singer says to relax into it, Zukav says to detach from it...but the important thing to do is to be aware and  "see" what that mind of yours is doing. Become one step detached from it, and every time you are able to see it you will become more and more detached. (Zukav, pg 208) 

We need to realize that our artificial needs are really not that important.  Our spiritual evolution is.

All is well

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Michael Singer/Sounds True (April 9,2022 ) Michael Singer Podcast: Stages of Evolution: The Continuum of Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W23Qob0d6rA

Gems of Wisdom Picked Up From Others Today

 There is not one act in the Universe that is not compassionate. 

Gary Zukav, page 187

It is an opportunity for us as a species and individuals to choose differently, to choose otherwise, to choose this time to learn love through wisdom, to take the vertical path of clarity, of conscious growth and conscious life. 

Gary Zukav, page 192-193

The more Light, literally, the more en-Lightened that you are, the more you will chose different ways. 

Gary Zukav, page 194

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

What would you like to do with your life if money was no object? 

Alan Watts

In the process of growth the Oak tree is not superior to the acorn. 

Alan Watts

Motivation Core ( April, 2022) Alan Watt's Advice Will Change Your Future. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW6Zxv2ZrTQ

If we practice mindfulness to look deeply into  and cultivate insight into other people's notions and opinions...we would see them as just that ...notions and opinions, having no weight to knock us down.

Thich Nhat Hanh ( paraphrased) 

If we continue to follow the path of compassion, the path of humanity, we will develop confidence in our convictions and will be as stable as mountains against the  opinions of others. 

Thich Nhat Hanh ( paraphrased)

Plum Village (January 2015) How to Stop Looking For Other People's Approval/Thich Nhat Hanh Answers Questions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqmY3bnyOXM

Presence will use you as a tool and something will flow through you into this dimension- a peaceful tool of transformation. 

Eckhart Tolle 

Eckhart Tolle (April 26, 2022) How to Tap into Creativity and Get Inspired . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfg_-d-S5Vo

An Inspiration to Heal

 Seeking out, facing with courage, and bringing into the Light of consciousness that which is unconsciousness, and, therefore in a position of power over the personality, is what heals. 

Gary Zukav, page 186 

Blocked by the Unseen

Yesterday, we talked about our tendency to be mental hoarders. (Well "we" didn't speak about it...I rambled on about it lol.  Sometimes, in this new teaching platform I have adopted here for the sheer purpose of learning,  I feel like I am back in the classroom opening up a lecture.  Forgive me when some of that old habit energy resurfaces. ) Let me begin again...I, with this clump of flesh and overactive mind I call "Me", addressed the issue of how we often stuff  the emotional energy of events  inside us and how that energy can get covered up by the messy piles of the mind to the point we forget it is still there. So even when we turn around to face the mess in our minds we may not  see that there is a hidden issue  jamming up the flow of precious Life energy to us and through us, making us unwell in more ways than one. Because this hidden thing is unconscious, it has power over us.  We really need to draw it out into the Light so we can heal from it.

I have been feeling blocked lately, blocked in my writing, blocked in my ability to feel the degree of peace I long to feel in my present life circumstances and blocked in my ability to grow and expand beyond them.  The external appearance of my Life right now is just a reflection of this "blocked" feeling. "My life"  doesn't seem to be expanding because I am not.  

A Loosely Buried Trauma

I have been trying over the last few weeks to understand what that blocked energy is and where it is coming from. Today, after praying and asking for help to determine this, I  was  reminded of my health seeking journey. There is so much unprocessed stuff inside, so much pain, so much shame and a sense of being victimized.  I lost so much, suffered so much, all because of a very unfair assumption based on the unconscious needs of others to protect and preserve ego  and  what they thought as theirs. 

Around is Not Through

Though I can truly say that I believe all this happened for a reason , that it was leading me to a higher state of being and that I am so grateful for it...there is still a great deal of trauma to the personality that I have not processed through.  At the time...survival and caring for children who needed me was where my attention had to go.  On top of that there was one crisis after another that took me away.  I had no time to process all the  emotional energy related to this trauma...and yes I am going to call it a trauma.   (The fact that I cannot mention my heart condition now to someone without blushing in shame  or mention the name of certain doctors without cringing  and the fact  that I would rather go without eating than deal with an insurance company again...is an indication of just how much trauma there was). 

So much pain  and I couldn't just let it  flow through me at the time so it got jammed up inside.  I had to push away, stuff down, ignore, deny  and pretend it didn't bother me when it was in some subtle way actually killing me. I found a temporary way around it, I did, so I could find some semblance of peace and I am so grateful for that but for true healing to occur we need to go through suffering not around it. Pushing this aside and stuffing it down so I could get around it did not make it go away.  It is still there.  And as I begin to deal with the present events of my life now in a healthier way by opening the windows and allowing all that energy to just blow through as it comes in...the piles are getting smaller and this issue is coming up to the surface. It is on the top of the pile. I can hear a soft voice within me saying "It is time to deal with me now dear." 

An Inspiration For Healing

I am not saying this is the only reason for my blocks right now but it is the one  at the surface asking to be dealt with. I know what I have to do.  I had the inspiration so clear today.  In order to cope with some of the intensity of this when it first began I wrote a book about it ( well about some of it...I wrote it in the early phases of dealing with this issue).  It poured out of me in a couple of months, so needing to be told was this story...not for anybody else but for me.   It was okay by my standards, not great,  but I sent it out to a few publishers .  Though it didn't get published I got very, very encouraging and  personal notes back to continue trying to get this published.  I was told by publishers it was definitely a story that needed to get published and if they could they would publish it.  Well I was still dealing with this major issue at the time and  other life circumstances came in ...so trying harder to get this book published  got pushed aside.  ( I am not  a fan of the submission process) .

Well today I saw in my mind this book, which originally only covered a small part of the trauma, covering all of it, telling the whole story  and under a new name.  I saw it written much better than I wrote it originally .  Most importantly, I saw me releasing all this blocked energy onto the page as I rewrote it...healing with every word....seeking out, facing with courage and bringing to the Light of consciousness that which was unconscious. 

Maybe the reason why I had such a challenging time writing or rewriting anything else was because this story needed to be told first.  Before I could write  about or heal from other trauma, I had to process through this one.  Maybe...and I don't know...that under this trauma is another calling out for my attention on that pile.  Maybe my healing, my writing will require a top of the pile to the bottom of the pile type of cleansing. One thing at a time. 

I don't know...but it feels like the "right" direction to go in.  We will see.

All is well in my world. 

 It is the health of the soul that is the true purpose of the human experience.  Everything serves that. 

Gary Zukav, page 177

I just noticed that my readership is way down again and for some reason that relieves me. I am not sure why. It just does.  I was made aware of that December entry again where the poem was missing and replaced by another entry about spring. That left me a little unsettled and untrusting which is not a good feeling to hold onto.   So maybe the less readership the better.  More importantly, the smaller readership allows me to get back to who I am really writing for.  My soul.  Hmm!

All is well! 

Time For Some Mental Spring Cleaning

 If it is not happening outside, It isn't going to happen inside.

Michael Singer

Keeping it out 

What Michael Singer is saying in the above quote is that we need to make a commitment with ourselves not to allow events to get stuck inside us like we have a tendency to do. Our insides, he goes on to tell us in the below video attachment, are more than likely a real mess. Like hoarders who desperately need the services of Molly Maid we have collected , stored, stuffed and attempted to hide away all those experiences we didn't want to process through.  We also collected, claimed and clung to all those things (memories of pleasant events we want to relive etc)  that we thought would make our lives better...piling them up in corners until there was barely room to breathe.  Most of us now live in a real dump inside our heads.  

Who Made This Mess? 

It isn't pleasant and it isn't comfortable up there but there is no escaping it...where we go the mess follows. The last thing we want to do is add to that mess or make the discomfort any worse.  So we learn to react to the events taking place around us or seemingly to us.  To get by we look outside the dump we live in for pleasant things to distract us with, adding to the mess.  Then when we see disturbing things we do whatever we can to resist them entering our messy minds ...we push away with the over used defense mechanisms of denial, avoidance, repression and suppression ( just to name a few).  It seems that we are pushing them away to avoid more mess and discomfort  but all we are really doing is pushing them down away from our conscious awareness...we are throwing them into the piles of junk we are accumulating in the deeper recesses of our minds.  We are adding to the mess and the mind is getting more and more cramped and harder to be in. And do you know what we do then?  We blame Life for being so hard, for making such a mess of our minds...we judge and get angry at that person up there for driving too slow ( adding to the mess inside our heads) or that person for not agreeing with the way we do things (knocking over the piles in the corner making an even better mess) . 

Hmmm!  The outside world didn't make the mess and the outside world is not going to clean it up.  There is no Molly Maid in this world that would be willing to get up in that head of yours to clean up the mess you made and continue to make.  The only one responsible for that mess is you and the only one who can clean it up is you.  There is a little voice inside your head, isn't there, if you are truly honest with yourself you will admit that... maybe it sounds a bit like your mother telling you to clean up your room in the past and that voice is telling you to "Pick up the darn broom!  And clean up this mess!" 

If  we want to be able to breathe freely and lightly, if  we  want room to grow and expand, if we want to be comfortable in our own lives , undisturbed by whatever is going on "out there"  we need to take responsibility for the mess we made of our minds , however unintentionally, and clean it up.  

How do we do that? 

Cleaning It Up

Well Michael singer offers a few tips to help us :

• First , he says we need to recognize and take responsibility for the mess we have going on in our minds and the cause of it.  We need to see that what we have been doing: pushing away the unpleasant and clinging to the pleasant is what created the mess in the first place. 
• Then we have to turn around and face that mess.  When we do that we will see that what we thought we pushed away is piled up all over the place inside us. It didn't go anywhere. 
• Before we can start cleaning up the old stored stuff, however, we need to stop storing up more stuff.  We get rid of our hoarding tendencies by learning to deal with life events more effectively. We start, not with the big events or the ones that have been stuffed inside us for eons but with the smaller events that are occurring around us now.  We start with the  person driving too slow in front of us, the person at work who  doesn't agree with our ideas, the toe we  just stubbed. We watch how we  tend to react and decide to react differently.  
• Take control of our minds...instead of using up energy to turn this into a negative story, another pile to add to our overcrowded minds... we can re-frame the way we  look at it in a positive and constructive way. 

• Take a step away from the event ( even if it is just a mental one) , take a deep breath and observe and then we can begin again to handle it differently.
• Once an event is done and gone ...we do not want any remnants of it in our heads. What we  really want to do, is not push away life circumstance,  but just let it flow right through...open up to it.  Open up our front doors and a couple of windows...allow that event to blow right through and be gone.  And that is what it wants to do...the vibrational and emotional energy attached to an event  is just meant to blow through us. We open up to it through relaxation and breath awareness.  We do not cling to it through grasping or aversion. 
• Notice when we  get disturbed. Relax and let go back into the place that is noticing.  Ironically, that place that is noticing is as clean and tidy as can be...in fact it is empty and spacious. 
• What happens when we begin to respond rather than react to less than favorable circumstances is allow for the mess  inside to clean itself.  All the stored stuff will eventually make itself known before it too makes its way through the windows like a breeze in May and is gone.  

I don't know about you but it is time for me to do some spring cleaning.  

All is well. 

Michael Singer Podcast/ Sounds True ( April 23, 2022) Taking Care of Your Inner Environment . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teP3TS9fHNk

Words of Wisdom from Chapter 11

 The following are a collection of thoughts from Chapter 11, Relationships, I would like to share: 

Without commitment,you can not learn to see others as your soul sees them: as beautiful and powerful spirits of Light. page 147

Our present world is built on the energy of fear and doubt, (" fear of the physical environment and doubt that we fit naturally into it."), absence f faith in an afterlife, belief "that in this lifetime the only thing that insures power is what can be had and gained." , and a lack of humility and reverence for Life. Paraphrased from pages 148-149.

Your decision to evolve consciously through responsible choice contributes not only to your own evolution, but also to the evolution of all those aspects of humanity in which you participate. page 150

If you wish the world to become loving and compassionate , become loving and compassionate yourself .  If you wish to diminish fear in the world, diminish your own.  These are the gifts that you can give. page 150

The fear that exists between nations is a macrocosm of the fear that exists between individuals. page 150

What is in one is in the whole, and therefore, ultimately, each soul is responsible for the whole world. page 151

...the partnership that you both want requires two healthy and inwardly secure individuals. page 152

The true human condition in its perfect form has no secrets.  It does not hide, but exists in clear love.  page 152 

Even into the toughest moments of your work on feelings of insecurity you can be light and remind yourself that you are spirits who have taken on the physical experience and have far greater power than you are showing in that moment of weakness. page 153

You are related to every form of Life upon this planet and beyond. As your soul evolves, you move into greater awareness of the nature of that relationship, and the responsibilities that you assume.  page 154

The personality must also come to agree with what the soul has chosen. page 154

Authentic power is not gained by making choices that do not stretch you. page 157

The extent to which your light shines is the width and depth and breadth of your karmic influence.page 155

If he or she is able to transcend fear, to act out of courage, the whole of its group will benefit and each one, in his or her own life, will be suddenly more courageous, though they may not see how or why. page 158

The soul that was Hitler had great potential as well.  page 160

Every soul that agrees consciously to bring to a level of human interaction the love and compassion and wisdom that it acquired is trying through his or her own energy to challenge the fear pattern of the collective page 160

...as the quality of your consciousness reflects the clarity, humbleness, forgiveness, and love of authentic power, it touches more and more around you. page 161

I encourage to sit with those for a while. 

All is well. 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster